#i stared at the unlocked locker 1 ft away from me while laying in bed debating

[bo0zey]

i’m so tired of pretending i’m not tired lol

#i keep my meds in a cute lil mini locker i got from amazon it’s so cuteeee n fits em all perfectly!! #i stared at the unlocked locker 1 ft away from me while laying in bed debating #whether or not to take my meds #i’ve been so bad abt taking them not to mention my mood stabilizer got upped a few weeks ago and i’ve been so bad abt taking the added dose #it’s another 50mg at night on top of the 200 i take in the day but i always forget to take the night ones idk #and now i’m feeling so blah #i keep accidentally blabbering about wanting to d word lol i need to stop it #im just so tired of existing i don’t knowwww lol haha #i finally forced myself to take my meds #im proud of myself a little i guess bc i rlly wasn’t gonna cuz i just wanted to go to bed #but i figured i should T least take them anyways then try n sleep if i want #i dream about being babied n taken care of i kept imagining my OCs #where the one just knows B isn’t doing too hot n comes over to their house n takes care of them makes sure they’re taking their meds #i just wanted someone to take out the meds n have me take them from their hand n some water #im such a child brat bad #i don’t care about myself at all but i sometimes wish someone else did #just enough just a little bit enough to to pretend n bring me my meds idk? #if it were up to me i’d not take them bc i’m tired n it’s a waste but #i don’t know what km saying i’m so sleep deprived #]^ club can’t come sooner lol #ramblings