#i mena i do cook even tho lately it has been a slide to the void

[tenrose]

My therapist give me "homeworks" and it seems so complicated and emotionally draining on a paper but he told me that my own avoiding mechanisms are in fact worse and more complicated I just don't realize...

#i have to go drink coffee in a public space #alone which i can do #but i have to not look at my phone or read and watch people for as long as i can #and also i have to force myself to cook #not because i have to #but becuase 'it makes me feel better' #and organise my cooking schedule and dishes in advance #because he knows that if i miss one single ingredient i won't do it #even tho there is a shop five minutes by walking from where i live #also told me to put the ingredients ready the morning so i see them and do the stuff #anyway i hope it works #i mena i do cook even tho lately it has been a slide to the void #so i hope I manage to get myself back on track #and cook and eat at reasonable hours so i can sleep earlier #so if i sleep earlier id be more fit to find another job #next time I'll talk to him about the filth I am with cleaning... even though im like very ashamed of it and hate myself for it #but i can't solve everything at once