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retorioworld · 3 years

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The One-Stop, Interview Prep-Shop for Video Interview

If you’ve ever wanted a one-stop, interview prep-shop, this is IT.

From an in-person meeting or a video interview, we're here to help.Interviews can be the most intimidating thing in the entire world. A close second could be asking someone on a date—in real life. You know, not through an app. Swipes aside, we’re aiming to lay out the prep work for a fantastic interview.

The kind that feels like you’re floating on air afterwards or the kind where you hear the cash register’s KA-CHING after an eloquent and to-the-point response.

We’ve outlined:

Interview homework: what to do to prepare for the (video) interview

During the interview: what to expect, what to avoid, and what to deliver

The interviewer's 3 essential questions

Interview Homework

Like a quote on Pinterest once said, “Proper preparation prevents poor performance”. Abraham Lincoln may not have said it, but if he had a fondness for alliteration, he probably would have. After all, he is the figure that said, “Give me six hours to chop down a tree and I will spend the first four sharpening the axe”. Preparation is where you win the interview. The interview is where you show the interviewer you won.

Research the Company

The first line of defense is a good offense, a well-known military strategy. The same goes with an interview. Researching the company is essential to create a positive impression. It shows you’ve prepared well, take the opportunity seriously, and may possess a few ideas on how to contribute. Not all research is created equal. It’s important to land on a few key areas. These areas will prepare you to freestyle if any unexpected questions arise; they also showcase how thoughtfully you’ve considered the company, its industry, and its potential roadmap.

When researching, find the answer to these questions:

How do they view themselves?

What sets them apart in their particular niche or field?

What are keywords that showcase their uniqueness?

What are some ways that their intention may fall short of the reality?

If possible, learn about these areas:

Recent news and/or highlights.

You can find this out in the PR/News section of their website—companies love to brag about themselves understandably. Check out their social media channels, including their Twitter, LinkedIn, and Facebook for news. For negative things (or less-glamorous news), ask ye olde search engine, Google. Type in the company’s name and hit “News” and a slew of information will be listed.

Most famous client and/or project.

Check out who their customers are and check out whether these organisations are small, mid-sized, or giant corporations. You’ll be able to get a grasp onto who their audience is, giving you information on what their potential business goals may be. Additionally, it sheds light on a specific company’s niche: they may be selling accounting software to airlines or FitBits to dog food companies. If they’ve historically been selling FitBits to dog food manufacturers but also landed a big project with an agricultural firm, this could give you ideas about you’re a great fit as they expand.

Know the Job Position

This may be the most “Dad-like” advice—ahem, obvious—but it’s an important point to thoroughly investigate. Look over the job description, and take some notes. A little exercise might be helpful:

Print out the job description

Pick a colored marker or pen and circle skills or areas you have direct experience in, that was your main “job”.

Pick another colored marker and circle skills or areas you do not have direct experience in, but have been related. ie. you ran a company’s social media, but learned to create infographics.

Write down how you’ve developed and/or learned these skills, like attending a webinar or an online course.

Your “direct skills” education

Your “related skills” education

Write down why this job position stood out to you personally—do you have a particular passion about the product, the industry, etc? Why are YOU drawn to it?

Know Why You’re a Fit

Use the earlier job description analysis to help you build a story in your mind about why you’re a fit. This is the time to reflect on possible questions or concerns the interviewer might have, “You worked as cosmetics store manager and now you want to work as a Data Scientist at our company?” Highlight how you taught yourself, took online courses, and always had interest in computers (your thesis was on how cybersecurity after multi-stakeholder organizations). Don’t be ashamed of your past; this is your story: own it and then construct the narrative.

Practice Talking About Yourself

Now that you know you’re a fit and you’re taking control of your narrative, it’s practice time. Another quote coming your way: “Practice makes perfect”. Interviews are often a nerve-racking affair. However practice is the proverbial shot of Vodka to interview anxiety. It makes things a bit better. You’ll know what to expect and how to answer. Use the list of common interview questions below to make flashcards or have a friend interview you. Research by Rice University and Michigan State University shows that "deliberate practice” or “engagement in structured activities created specifically to improve performance” as the biggest predictor for success and performance improvement.

What is deliberate practice?

Deliberate practice is purposeful and systematic; it requires focused attention over a period of time. A famed golfer, Ben Hogan, broke down each section of the golf game and studied how to master each section.

Similarly, deliberately break down each step of the interview process:

the introduction/overview,

insight into skills and experiences

the “challenges” faced

odd-ball questions (questions about industry, position, random trivia)

availability

closing questions.

DURING THE INTERVIEW

Show up on time.

If you’re a person that has a habit of arriving late. Make it your goal to get there 30 minutes beforehand. Being late to an interview puts you on the weaker foot; remember YOU’RE the prize—finding dedicated and skilled talent these days is getting tough. When you’re running behind schedule, you forfeit that hand. Now you just look like the genius who is a jerk. Avoid being late at all costs. If you're lucky enough to be having a video interview (video interviews means worrying less about road traffic), still make eye contact and be on time.

Always Call Casual Cannibals Into Pink Washpots

Don’t worry, you won’t have to call a cannibal anywhere—it’s a pneumonic device to help you remember 8 essential characteristics to exude in an interview: be authentic, concise, confident, interested, passionate, and warm. The (video) interview should be a pleasure to hold, both for you and your interviewer(s). These traits are guideposts in what important feelings to project, from the moment you shake their hand till you send a follow-up email. With a video job interview, you may want to emphasize body language, eye contact, or vocal pauses or a bit more. In video interviews, sometimes the camera may disengage, so be sure to make the potential employer can see you emotionally connect with questions.

Authentic

No need to be anyone else but you, boo. Really. You got this interview, so be the best version of yourself. The real “you” may be a person who prefers to observe and stay silent or be a slob at home. At an interview, you’re showcasing how you’ll be at the workplace, what kind of colleague you’ll be. Remember, job interviews are meant to assess fit between the organization and employee. This experience, an in-person interview or video, should be unique and mutually beneficial. Being authentic is one way to assure a match.

Concise

You’ve practiced your responses. Great. Be sure to keep responses under 90 seconds. That doesn’t necessarily mean taking the whole 90 seconds, but in general keep your answers to the point. Add emotion to them, if appropriate. In video interviews, be sure the camera is capturing your expressions.

Confidence

Keep things upbeat and positive. Remain confident in outlining how your skills align perfectly with the job requirements. Don’t feel ashamed or anxious about gaps in your resume; be confident in how you present them and how hard you worked to make up for any deficiencies. Employers want to see people who know their skillset is solid, but also confident to highlight their weak points and how they’re addressing them. In interview videos, be sure to come across sincere with marked pauses, emphatic head nods, and at least one ear-to-ear smile.

Passionate

Employers receive several applications for a position. If you’re interviewing for big corporations like Google, they receive thousands of applications. Share what excites you. Tell why this job aligns with your personal values and goals. Passion is one of those traits that’s difficult to hide or fake..

Warmth

Your hands may be a little clammy from nerves, but keep the conversation warm and easy-going. How to show warmth? When you’re doing prep work, jot down some potential warmth-inducing stories. Even if it's not in-person interview, a candidate story creates a special memory for the interviewer.

“Tell Me About Yourself”

This may be the most dreaded question in an interview. “Um…I studied Chemistry and like bread?” It’s a tough one as its encompassing and open-ended. This is simply an introductory question; as the interview progresses, they’ll be able to learn more about you from your later responses. To assist you in answering this, examine yourself:

What am I good at?

What do I enjoy?

What is the unique way I approach a problem?

Give an example of how that happened in the workplace

The Interviewer’s Secret 3 Questions

At the core, a potential employer has 3 essential questions. The questions that interviewers wish they could ask, but try to answer for themselves:

“What’s it like working with you?”

They’re trying to answer whether you’ll be a cool person to work with. Again they know they’ll be spending considerable time alongside you; they don’t want to hire a jerk or someone that doesn’t contribute to a team project. The more you share, the better picture they’ll gain about working with you.

“Are you a willing learner?”

Are you a person that is teachable? Do you have a good attitude about trying to learn new things? Or are you a person that doesn’t really value trying to learn new skills as needed? Most employers understand if you don’t have the tools necessary for the job; they’re looking for someone who is an eager student.

“Do you take the initiative?”

No one wants a team member that waits for instruction. Are you an individual that has taken on new challenges and projects because that’s what your past employer needed—even before the employer realized it? Highlight your initiate with an example or two. Show the interviewer you can “pull your weight”, while still always trying to contribute to the larger team’s success. Self-starters are a great addition to any team.

Any other special tips if it's a video interview?

Interviewing videos and in-person interviews differ by only one variable: creating the best setting for a video interview. Luckily that's one variable within your control. Video interviewing is very much a candidate-centric approach to interviews. It gives a candidate and those scheduling job interviews a range of conveniences. For a video interview, you may want to keep these key choices in mind:

Use a well-lit space

Interviewers want to see your face; video interviews with good lighting goes a long way. It’s a little odd when people’s faces are in the dark. That may be the primates in us speaking, but we don’t really tend to trust those in dark lighting. Find a room or corner that has natural light that hits your face. Be sure that the light is not behind you, otherwise your face will be in a shadow.

Eliminate a distracting background

A video interview may be an excuse to clean up your living space. Clear out any distracting pieces of artwork, clothes, or anything else that may make an interviewer go, “Wow, that’s a little messy” or “That’s a bit inappropriate”. If you have any questions, stray on the more conservative side. If your prize, mounted stuffed pig head seems a bit too much, just take down for the video interview.

Check your tools (camera, phone, connection, etc.)

Double check that your Internet connection is fast and reliable. You may want to check out Speedtest.net the day before an interview. As a broadband speed testing tool, it assists in measuring how quickly your connection is. If you do it the day before, chances that connection will crash minimizes. Be sure your camera is up and running. You may want to do a test call with a sibling or friend. If your video interview is on-the-go, make sure your phone is charged, or have a charging cord nearby.

Dress simply

In a video interview, an employer typically sees only above your shoulders via the camera. Which is great if you're just wearing pajama pants. Focus on wearing non-distracting clothing. Sometimes even the most fabulous outfits don't translate that well on video. Wear a simple blouse or collared shirt for video interviews that will allow them to concentrate on you.

Interviews, video or not, don’t have to be intimidating. It’s a conversation where you get to showcase your professional narrative and interject what makes you so special.

Retorio is a video-based behavioral assessment powered by AI. It uses facial expression, language, gesture, and voice to create a Big 5 Personality profile. Companies like BMW and Lufthansa, leverage Retorio's AI to support their own talent management teams.

LEARN WHAT MAKES ELON MUSK, ELON MUSK?

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queennicoleinboots · 3 years

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I Gave Birth To A Big Bear

A/N: After BREAKING NEWS: EMERGENCY BROADCAST

I was still eating my bowls of ice cream. Darth Parker just finished his. Zachary Giraffinakis cleared the cache on our server to get rid of unnecessary temporary files. Stan Doe was letting the pie download as he returned to the server. King Bruce Ice was adjusting his set. Prince Peter was doing sound tests. Meanwhile, Prince Banana had disconnected from the server. I assumed he was just there for the ice cream program.

"I'm sorry, but I'm still not ready for my broadcast. Is anyone else able to do a broadcast?" Darth Parker asked in his deep Southern voice as he was having sound difficulties.

"Hang on, dark Prince. Let me ask if anyone has news," Milk Drama Llama Bomma Mama chrissy said quickly.

"I'll be glad to help," Found Sheep as he joined the server.

"Oh thank you, Found Sheep," Milk Drama Llama Bomma Mama chrissy said. "Please take the floor."

"Thank you," Found Sheep said. He cleared his throat before he spoke again. "Hello everyone, I'm Found Sheep. I want to tell you a dream I had about an agitator who was trying to push the (encrypted voice done by Milk Mama Chrissy, Encrypting Genius saying, "Biometric signature") onto us. It's barbaric. I was being chased by men in white lab coats that were singing Hakuna Mutata as they were running with scissors. Other people were getting agitated because they were being herded like wolves into a grocery store and were told to stand ten feet apart while trying to run at the same time. They would listen if they were told to wear a pair of pants on their faces. It was madness, but I ran with humility to the Lord. I wasn't going and still not going to obey the government and man. I am not going to promote it. Do you want to be part of Revelation Chapter 13? Do you want to be part of enforcing the (encrypted voice done by Milk Mama Chrissy, Encrypting Genius saying, "Biometric signature")? Is this world really worth holding on to enough to sacrifice who you are? Look at the future. It's time to say enough is enough. Pick up your cross and follow the Lord! Go to Matthew 10. I am a sheep among the wolves. Do not get pulled into the agitation. Don't let the world consume you. The wolves are devouring without sight. I do not trust anyone part of any authoritative organization. They have to sign certain oaths against the Lord. And they hate people like us. And it's hard for us. But we need to be strong. Teach others instead of preaching to them. Show them the joy of our Lord in the natural world. Show the Lord thanks. The future generation is a blessing. Teach it correctly. Tell it that the only thing you must fear is the Lord. Unfortunately, families will fight among each other because they haven't grown a relationship with the Lord. But you can overcome that. Trust in our Lord."

"Thank you, Found Sheep. The Planetary Broadcasting Corporation only tells the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth. We are not funded by anyone other than those who donate to us. We are not bought and sold by Chinta, China, or any other embassy. We want to gain your trust," Milk Drama Llama Bomma Mama chrissy said.

"I greatly appreciate you having me on tonight. But please remember my message tonight. It is very important to stay strong. That's why I'm here tonight. I know many viewers are struggling, even the preppers. Please trust in the Lord. You cannot survive this plandemic alone. I meant what I said. Plandemic. Preppers out there, please read the book of Revelation," Found Sheep said as he stared at the camera.

"Excuse me. I don't mean to interrupt your broadcast, but Queen Xara's apple pie is done," Stan Doe said as he downloaded the apple pie onto my server.

"Go ahead. Be thankful for your apple pie, Queen Xara. The Lord gives that to you to nourish your baby," Found Sheep said to me.

"Always, Found Sheep. Your voice and words move me. You are a faithful servant," I said. "Speaking of, anyone heard from Hope Omens lately?"

"Yes. She is doing fine. She sings a lot and isn't really into talking about the heavy-hitting stuff like Pastor Penn and I are. But she is still sending hopeful messages to everyone. She's a sweet woman," Found Sheep said.

"Yeah. I haven't really watched her much. I'm more interested in the world news and how it relates to the Bible, which Found Sheep and Pastor Penn talk about," King Joebear said.

"Yes. She seems like a nice lady, but I can't stand musicals. They're absolutely dreadful," Milk Drama Llama Bomma Mama chrissy said.

"EXCUSE THE INTERRUPTION, BUT IT IS BULLSHIT THAT THE PLAGUE HAS HIT THE NEWS STATION!" Chef Rogue Fromage shouted as he was trying to download macaroni and cheese to everyone's server. "Milk Drama Llama Bomma Romma Mama Chrissy and I had an appointment! Now I have to wait two fucking weeks! THIS IS MADNESS!!!!! THIS IS PARIS!!!!" He was trying to make a reference to "This is Sparta!"

Stan Doe chuckled and downloaded my pie to me. I thanked him and downloading it into my stomach. I was starving even after ten bowls of ice cream. What is this freak baby?!

"Yes. Musicals should be illegal," King Bruce Ice said. "And the Plague is bullshit. I'm sure you were looking forward to that appointment, great chef."

"I hate musicals. I hate musicals. I hate musicals. I hate musicals. I hate musicals. I hate musicals. I hate musicals. I hate musicals. I hate musicals," Count Vanilla said.

"I WASSSSSS!!!!" Chef Rogue Fromage shouted loudly into our servers, which caused ear rape to occur to all of us.

"Musicals suck! Whoever invented them is an idiot! AND THIS PLAGUE SUCKS! AND MY CONNECTION SUCKS!" Prince Banana shouted as loudly as Tyler1 gets as he appeared on his screen and started beating something with a banana hammer.

Maxwell Ice, Prince Banana's black and white apple head chihuahua, was wearing a small white space helmet and curling up against the corner of the backseat window on the passenger side. His eyes were pressed against the helmet.

I looked at him. "Hi Prince Banana," I said as I waved and started laughing.

Prince Banana screamed at me as he tried to mesh his molecules with the batmobile. "Hi Queen Xara. How's the baby?!" he asked as his video connection was shotty.

"Hungry," I said.

"I say, what the hell is wrong with you, Prince Banana? Screaming isn't going to help her baby exist," Prince Oliver: Werewolf of the United Planets said.

"Indeed. That was asinine. Wait until the baby is born and well-rested. Then you can scream for ice cream all you want," Milk Drama Llama Bomma Roma Mama chrissy said.

"Sorry... y-y-yeah, I's hungry. That's why I screamed. Really," Prince Banana said as his video was choppy and the sound quality cut in and out.

"Bullshit!" King Bruce Ice coughed.

Everyone except Joebear screamed loudly. Even the cast of PeeWee Herman, Macrula, George Carlin, Ronald McDonald, Pennywise the Dancing Clown, the Bernstein Bears, Tyler1, DarthSydePhineas, Chuckee Queso, Victoria Filetmignon, Francesca Asiago Cheese, Queen Gloria, King Skipper, Johnnio Ice, Kavana Ice, Maxwell Ice, and De of Sean screamed. I even did a virus scan on my virtual pie to make sure that it was not infected with The Plague.

"Will everyone calm the fuck down? I don't have the Plague! Do I?" King Bruce Ice said as he did a virus scan on his computer. "All of this news mania has driven all of you mother fuckers crazy. And I'm starting to go insane. But I am not getting a traditional COVID test. Those swabs have carcinogens in them. Fuck that!"

"I agree, but I wouldn't use that kind of language," Found Sheep said. "When I was Lost Sheep, I spoke fluent cockney." He giggled. "Sorry for screaming like that. I was concerned for your health there."

Milk Drama Llama Bomma Roma Mama chrissy giggled.

"Soooo.... anyway... does anyone like... STUFF?!" Darth Parker asked with his trademark deep Southern voice and deep breathing.

"I love stuff. It's my favorite. Really. Darth Parker, you certainly know and understand what a woman likes," Milk Drama Llama Bomma Roma Mama chrissy said as she melted before the camera. She was staring at him with her tongue halfway out.

Stan Doe chuckled.

And my water broke right after my last bite of supposedly uninfected pie... and my room was flooding. My signal was going out.

"Uhhhhhhh.... sorry.... my water is broken," I was floating in my room.

"OH SHIT! OPEN YOUR BEDROOM DOOR!" King Joebear shouted.

"H-hang on, B-B-Bae! I'm opening the door now," I said as I swam to the door and opened it. At this point, my computer was functioning under water. And then I got sucked into virtual reality.

Zachary Giraffinakis screamed as he swam away from me in the digital world.

"Hurry up. Hurry up. Hurry up. Hurry up. Hurry up. Hurry up. Hurry up. Hurry up. Hurry up. We're all going to get the Plague if you don't open up the drain program!" Count Vanilla shouted as he swam through my water.

Oh I'm sorry...

"I'm trying! The son of a bitch is hard to op-" Zachary Giraffinakis said as he successfully opened the drain program. Most of the news crew and the anchors went down the drain to another reality.

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"What the fucking hell?!" Queen Megara Ice asked as she was at the bottom of my feet. Water was flowing out from under me like a waterfall. "Whose water breaks like that?!"

"I don't know, but it's fuuuuuuckkked up," King Bruce Ice said as he swam through my water with a blue scuba diving suit.

"Holy Shit! That's newsworthy!" Captain Slammer said as he hovered over everyone in an outfit similar to a gothic spiderman.

Prince Banana Ice screamed loudly through an intercom system in his batmobile that he and Maxwell Ice were flying around in.

King Joebear waddled out of the river where my water flowed and shook himself off. "Yep. That happened," he said.

"It happened. It happened. It happened. It happened. It happened. It happened. It happened. It happened. It happened," Count Vanilla said as he washed up on the ground and wrung his cape out.

"Owwwww!!!!" I shouted as I was randomly being transported to a new reality.

--------------------------------------------------------------------

"Mom! Are you okay?" Stan Doe asked as he showed his face on my computer screen.

"Not really. I have gone through this six times, but it never gets easier," I said as I leaned against the computer desk and put my hands on top of my head while I stared blankly at my keyboard.

"Please breathe, Queen Xara," Milk Drama Llama Bomma Roma Mama chrissy said as she was on a split screen with Stan Doe.

I was breathing, even without a space helmet. OH MY GOSH, WHY AM I NOT WEARING A SPACE HELMET?! WHAT REALITY AM I IN?! My baby was hurting me and was angry that I was not wearing a space helmet.

King Joebear, Count Vanilla, King Bruce Ice, Prince Oliver: Werewolf of the United Planets, and Darth Parker all got on split screens to support me through my birthgiving.

Master and Prince Banana also joined the split screen.

"Guys, he's ready to come out. This baby is definitely a boy," I said weakly as I blankly looked at all of their sweet heads.

Queen Megara Ice and Queen Gloria then programmed themselves onto my computer screen before they pulled me into it. They put blankets down for me to lay on. The men laid me down gently. Count Vanilla and Steve Doe took my shoes off. Milk Drama Llama Bomma Roma Mama chrissy lifted my nightgown. King Joebear unbuttoned my jean shorts and pulled them down. Darth Parker quickly pulled my white underwear down.

Once my bottom garments were removed, I put my knees in the air and feet flat on the floor. The baby was coming out whether I wanted him to or not. I screamed because the bear was literally swimming out of my uterus.

"Breathe. Breathe. The Plague doesn't exist," Milk Drama Llama Bomma Roma Mama chrissy said.

--------------------------------------------------------------------

Then I transferred all the way back to August 29, 2011, when I was only 22 years old.

Nurse Chrissy was telling me jokes to calm me down because this baby was really hurting me as it tried to come out.

I laughed and peed myself on accident. The baby's head was making its way out of my vagina.

"Holy Fuck a hurricane is coming! We need to evacuate!" Captain Slammer shouted as he ran through the hospital halls and wearing black scrubs and a stethoscope around his neck.

"Haste. Haste. Everything haste. Counter. Counter. Uggghhhh. Ughhhhhgg.," a black cub with brown eyes and a dainty golden crown shouted as he helped Peter W. Parker, my 12-year-old black son named Stan, and a brown cub with bluish green eyes and a large golden crown wrap me in a blanket.

"Oh shit! I'm staying in here until it's safe," the baby from my vagina said.

"Haha. That bear is definitely going to be named Parker," the prince black cub said as he ran with everyone to a OB-GYN room on high ground.

"What will his middle name?" the king brown cub asked as he ran inside the OB-GYN unit with the rest of us.

"What's your name?!" I shouted as my baby was clawing my insides out.

"Bruce," the king brown cub answered.

"My name is Parker Bruce Campinelli!!!!!" the baby yelled inside of my vagina. "And my head is staying here until we get to safety!"

"Close the damn door and bolt it, Zachary Giraffinakis!" Nurse Chrissy shouted to her assistant. "Also Parker Bruce Campinelli. It's a perfect name. It has the same initials as this hospital, Princeton Baby Carefacility!"

"It's a perfect name! Hey wind, CAN I CLOSE THE DOOR?!" Zachary Giraffinakis shouted as he tried shutting the door that was being blown open by the wind that rushed through the hall.

"Nope, but I can," Captain Slammer said as he helped Zachary Giraffinakis shut the door. Then he bolted it and used a rope to tie it closed.

"Ahhh... what a great time for my shoes to get a hole in them!" a brown cub with brownish hazel eyes who wore a small golden crown and black scrubs yelled as he tore a hole in each shoe.

"Move, Nurse Bananas!" King Bruce shouted as he, the black cub, Peter W. Parker, and Stan tried to get me in the closet.

"Sorry!" Nurse Bananas said as he skillfully rolled out of the way. I could have sworn he knew martial arts.

A beautiful female grayish brown bear with brownish hazel eyes and an intricate silver crown opened the closet door and looked at us in alarm. "Allez! Allez! Allez!" she shouted at us. She then laid down another blanket for me go lay on. I must note that the OB-GYN unit had a working TV, working paging system, working toilet, and a Christmas tree inside of it.

The black cub, King Bruce, Peter W. Parker, and Stan laid me down.

"Is it safe yet?!" Parker Bruce Campinelli asked.

"Hell no. Wait for everyone to get their ASSES in the room!!!" King Bruce yelled as he growled.

The OB-GYN nurses, a dark brown sheep with easy brown eyes, Nurse Bananas, Prince Oliver, a gray cub with brown eyes covered with round-framed glasses sitting in a wheelchair, Nurse Chrissy, Nursing Assistant Zachary Giraffinakis, a female red cub with green eyes who wore a golden crown, Princess Peepers - a white cat with a gold eye and a blue eye, Princess Annabelle - a gray tabby cat with green eyes, Ronald McDonald, Pennywise the Dancing Clown, Master, and Captain Slammer filed in the OB-GYN room.

Captain Slammer then braced his shield against the door.

"Now is it safe?" Peter Bruce Campinelli asked.

"I think so. We adverted Hurricane Idiot. OWWWW!!!! OWWWWWW!!!!" I screamed as I pushed him.

"Weeeeeee!!!!!!" Parker Bruce Campinelli shouted as he flew out of my vagina.

"Aaaahahahshhhhhhaaahhhhhhh!!!!" I shouted.

The hurricane winds whipped at the door.

"INCOMING!!!!!" Captain Slammer shouted.

The hurricane then washed down the whole hospital, and my body exploded from giving birth to a big bear. Parker Bruce Campinelli was almost full grown.

Thank Goodness that the other five cubs existed in an alternate reality and time-space continuum and were largely unaffected by Hurricane Idiot.

--------------------------------------------------------------------

The Boom server had Prince Oliver: Werewolf of the United Planets wearing his black space helmet, Count Vanilla wearing a black cloak and his Trumpy Bear mask, and King Joebear wearing a gold crown.

Then, Prince Parker Bruce Campinelli, a nine-foot-tall black bear with kaleidoscopic eyes with green, yellow, and brown in them, joined the server. Prince Peter Bruce Campinelli was a beautiful big black bear who wore a gold and silver crown, a large white cloth diaper, and black rocket shoes.

Stan Doe still sported his gray suit, white button-down shirt, and red tie as he rejoined the server. King Bruce Ice joined the server at the same time Darth Parker did. Prince Banana joined the server with a decent connection and wore a black space suit. Princess Kissy and Princess Oreo were laying their fat asses on their screens when they joined the server.

"WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON?!" Milk Drama Llama Bomma Roma Mama chrissy shouted at max volume and raped our ears.

"I have no fucking idea. I just JOINED," Captain Slammer said as he was surfing the waves of Hurricane Idiot on his shield and holding a black umbrella above his head on the other screen.

The rest of us laughed and shrugged.

"We seem to have been sucked into yet another alternate reality. It seems the fabric of reality is becoming more blurred as this quote-unquote Plague progresses," Prince Oliver: Werewolf of the United Planets spoke.

"These worlds are just too much. I now have six cubs," King Joebear said. "And I couldn't be happier."

"Yep. I am proud to have Prince Parker Bruce Campinelli and Stan Doe. I love my other five cubs: Lucy, Adam, Eve, Paddington Joe, and Pooh as well. And my adopted cub, Count Vanilla," I said.

Count Vanilla growled proudly nine times.

"Thank you, but I really don't know what the hell is going on," he said with a shrug and chuckle.

"I am glad to finally be born, mother Queen Xara. I have waited two years for this moment. Mark the date, August 31, 2021. I'm a virgo," Prince Parker Bruce Campinelli said.

"I am glad you are here, brother PBC," Stan Doe spoke ethereally.

Princess Kissy licked herself on camera.

"Thank you. I am honored to be your brother, Stan Campinelli," Prince Parker Bruce Campinelli said.

"I am not Stan Campinelli," Stan Doe said.

"Correct. Stan is not my child," King Joebear said. "But he is your mother's child."

"So who's the father?" Prince Parker Bruce Campinelli asked.

"I am not allowed to disclose that information on any public media," Stan Doe said.

"That's why he is called Stan Doe, Prince Parker Bruce Campinelli," I said.

"Well, in that case, I am honored to be your brother, Stan Doe," Prince Parker Bruce Campinelli said.

King Joebear made a sound like a seal.

"What the hell was that?!" Darth Parker asked in a deep Southern accent.

"It just happened. I can't give you an answer," King Joebear said.

"Sounds about right! Either way, I am proud of the birth of Prince Parker Bruce Campinelli," King Bruce Ice said. "We'll call him Prince PBC for short."

"So my children are Princess Lucy, Prince Adam, Princess Eve, Prince Paddington Joe, Prince Pooh, Prince Stan Doe, and Prince PBC," I said.

"Prince? When did this happen?" Prince Stan Doe asked.

"Just now," I said. "I decree it!"

"IT SHALL BE HONORED!" Milk Drama Llama Bomma Roma Mama chrissy shouted.

The other random members of the server cheered.

"Thank you," Prince Stan Doe said as he sniffled with tears of joy.

"You're welcome," I said.

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binarytinker-a-blog · 7 years

Text

really LONG CHARACTER SURVEY. RULES. repost , don’t reblog ! tag 10 ! good luck ! TAGGED. @vrepit-sa TAGGING. @shurimanisms, @flareforged, @greenestxpaladin and tbh i can’t be arsed to tag more after all th a t

BASICS.

FULL NAME : Katie Holt / Pidge Gunderson NICKNAME : Katie / Pidge AGE : fourteen BIRTHDAY : unknown ETHNIC GROUP : caucasian (the holts are probably some complete disaster of lineage lbrh) NATIONALITY : american. LANGUAGE / S : english, morse, binary if she thought about it, a scattering of several different programming languages (nothing low-level like assembly languages though), a smattering of altean quite literally scared into her SEXUAL ORIENTATION : asexual. ROMANTIC ORIENTATION : might be aro? tbh she’d be happy with just someone to sit and do tech/geek things with so yeah, aro makes perfect sense. RELATIONSHIP STATUS : nope HOME TOWN / AREA : is central northern america a thing because that’s the feeling i got from the little we saw of the holt’s plae. CURRENT HOME : the castle of lions PROFESSION : general technologist? of the paladins, stealth and infiltration

PHYSICAL.

SKIN: very pale, easy to sunburn but still a healthy shade despite how much time she spends indoors/out of sunlight EYES : highkey amber, gold in the sunlight and almost brown along the inner edges. FACE : it’s round and soft, but also thinly lined, easy enough for her to be mistaken as a boy (and used very well against the Garrison) LIPS : they’re the kind that don’t reveal their curves until she grins, cheshire in manner in that they don’t draw attention away from her face. they’re thin but not to the point of not existing. COMPLEXION : surprisingly, given her age and habits, pidge’s face remains pretty clean and clear. BLEMISHES : any birthmarks she has are tiny and hard to notice unless you’re looking for them. for the longest time, she’d had one on the arch of her foot, but it faded away at some point during her childhood and almost none of her others have. SCARS : she’s got a couple fine lines on her hands (old motherboards were notorious for having sharp solder points on the underside and pidge has torn her hands up on quite a few during disassembly). from taking apart tech on earth. she’s thus far managed to avoid collecting new ones since becoming the green paladin. TATTOOS : n/a. HEIGHT : 5′2 ? i think WEIGHT : she probably weighs 110lbs soaking wet. BUILD : her build is slim, very nondescript. the curve to her waist and hips are easily hidden in clothing and any curve to her upper body disappears once she’s geared up. FEATURES : glasses. round ones that perch on the tip of her nose and manage to serve as a way she can look severely at someone without being blind. ALLERGIES : greening the cube doesn’t give any details, but i imagine pidge deals with quite a few allergies to outdoors environments; pollen from multiple sources, making it difficult, if not impossible, for there to be a season that affects her less than normal USUAL HAIR STYLE : she brushes her hair, but otherwise leaves it be, letting it be a slightly messy mop that hangs around her face. USUAL FACE LOOK : n/a USUAL CLOTHING : if not in her armor, pidge prefers loosely fitting clothing for ease of movement, but doesn’t have much preference for the colors of such.

PSYCHOLOGY.

FEAR / S : she doesn’t have specific fears, mostly, but at this point in time, she’s scared to death of not being able to find her father and brother. scared of finding out that they died. scared of not being able to put her family together. scared of losing the family she’s made in the castle. ASPIRATION / S : she wants to find her father and brother, yes, she wants to go home, but... she also wants to see the universe. she wants to explore. she wants to see what’s out there. POSITIVE TRAITS : intelligent | excitable | quick-witted NEGATIVE TRAITS : stubborn | irritable | insensitive MBTI : Logician (INTP-A) ZODIAC : gemini? i think? it fits, anyway, so i’ll keep it for now TEMPEREMENT : melancholic. SOUL TYPE / S : thinkier | hunter | helper ANIMALS : beaver. VICE HABIT / S : picking her fingernails, chewing on the ends of pens while thinking, absently picking at scabs or new calluses. FAITH : theistic but not ascribing to a religion? GHOSTS ? : until there’s proof, nope AFTERLIFE ? : ^ see above. REINCARNATION ? : maybe there is, maybe there isn’t, no one knows yet ALIENS ? : voltron is literally an alien weapon piloted by five. POLITICAL ALIGNMENT : not the galran empire. EDUCATION LEVEL : probably took some college level courses for kicks and grins before getting into the garrison. probably lied about her age for the garrison; definitely dealt with college level classes there.

FAMILY.

FATHER : samuel holt MOTHER : colleen holt SIBLINGS : matt holt EXTENDED FAMILY : unknown NAME MEANING / S : katie is diminutive of kate/katherine, most commonly means pure. holt comes from wold/wald, and means a small forest or forested upland. pidge is likely a borrowed slang word short for “pigeon hole”, a place for messages to be left for later/a home for a pigeon. gunderson is a patronymic name derived from several different sources, but “son of "gondri" or "gundric", a once common old French personal name from the germanic elements "gund", battle and "ric", poser” is the commonly accepted meaning. HISTORICAL CONNECTION ? : old english for katie holt, norwegian/german/french for gunderson

FAVORITES.

BOOK : she can’t just pick one. pidge had a library of books she left behind at home. it’s a combination of scifi, fantasy, and textbooks. she has a handful of in-depth guides for common linux/unix distros and for android in general. MOVIE : again, she can’t just pick one. while her movies are as varied in interest as her books, katie didn’t keep nearly as much of a collection. 5 SONGS : considering her music library spans several tens of gb, there’s no way to pick five to be favorites. it varies from month to month DEITY : n/a. HOLIDAY : she’s always loved christmas. snow outside, the windows frosted over, hot chocolate in hands. she and matt deep in concentration over some project or another MONTH : december SEASON : if she had to pick, she didn’t mind fall and early spring. her allergies kicked up a mighty fuss, but the weather was nice. PLACE : green’s hangar. WEATHER : even though pidge didn’t mind typical fall/spring weather, she much prefers the dark clouds and heavy rains. it’s soothing to ear the rain pouring down while she curls up with her newest project. SOUND : rain on the roof over her head, the gentle hum of a computer well functioning, that single solitary bios confirmation beep. SCENT / S : you know that smell when you first open a package of electronics? it’s crisp and almost burns the nose, but not quite, and quickly fades as you maneuver it into a system. a book freshly opened after being on a shelf for years, the dust, aging paper, and ink. petrichor. TASTE / S : fresh strawberries, just red and not quite overly sweet yet, milk chocolate FEEL / S : smooth and cold, machined metals emblazoned with coppers and plastics, faint vibrations under fingertips as a fan whirls to speed or a motor settles into a steady rotation. ANIMAL / S : cats. felines in general. NUMBER : she likes too many numbers, but to fall back on anything would be ones and zeros. COLORS : golds and greens, dusk meeting a forest as the sky fades from orange to dark blue-violet. the stars shining in the sky.

EXTRA.

TALENTS : hand to hand combat, computers and their defenses, stealth, understanding the gist of unfamiliar systems in moments. BAD AT : being sensitive of other people’s feelings, being tactful. TURN ONS : lmao what TURN OFFS : see above HOBBIES : writing programs, modifying green, dissecting altean and galra tech to find out how they work, find out if she can make them work for her, and reassembling them to find out if she can make them work again TROPES : deadpan snarker, hollywood hacking (something i’ll try not to overboard on bc i actually Hate it), motor mouth, military brat, teen genius QUOTES : “I know.”, “That’s me.”, “Nice work, Tailor.”, “I got him! [beat] I don’t got him!”

MUN QUESTIONS.

Q1 : if you could write your character your way in their own movie , what would it be called , what style would it be filmed in , and what would it be about ? A1 : honestly? it wouldn’t be chronological. it’d be bits of life, scenes you’d see in passing. moments of bonding between her and her teammates, moments of family time, little background things. i love just seeing a peek into lives. not the whole life, just.... bits and pieces, parts of the whole that make the whole easier to understand. Q2 : what would their soundtrack / score sound like ? A2 : it probably wouldn’t make much sense put together. a mishmash of anything and everything under the sun, from enigma to icon for hire to linkin park i guess Q3 : why did you start writing this character ? A3 : i got hooked on voltron. binged the first season. binged the second the day it came out. started rewatching it with the bf, decided to take the plunge Q4 : what first attracted you to this character ? A4 : a tech geek. a tech geek that was, yes, still somewhat stereotypical but not made fun of. mostly just a tech geek. and then the girl bomb right as i decided ‘ok so pidge is a really girly looking guy’ and that was it it was over i was caught Q5 : describe the biggest thing you dislike about your muse. A5 : i actually.... like pidge just fine the way she is Q6 : what do you have in common with your muse ? A6 : too much. though she’s probably smarter than i am (i can bs a lot of her basic knowledge though..... soon. ) Q7 : how does your muse feel about you ? A7 : ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ Q8 : what characters does your muse have interesting interactions with ? A8 : almost any character. pidge will run her mouth if talking with fellow tech geeks, probably still will with people who aren’t tech geeks, tends to ask too many questions even of people she probably shouldn’t be too friendly with (sendak). Q9 : what gives you inspiration to write your muse ? A9 : right now? everything. engima’s ‘the gate’ is what kickstarted it all, so there’s a lot of that in her specific writing playlist. Q10 : how long did this take you to complete ? A10 : two hours lm a o i get easily sidetracked.

#pidge.txt #(( good gOD that took forever ))

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