#i lived like that for 25 years and it's a hard habit to break i'll tell you that

[slippery-minghus]

The One In Which Nik Talks Themself Through Making A Decision #408

oof. this is not a new struggle for me by any means but it sure hasn't gotten easier yet. i'm really, really not in the mood for going to bjj class tonight. i'm tired, i'm dreading the exertion, and i don't want to be in the same position as last week of being exhausted nearly to the point of tears after class (and only keeping it together because i knew crying would make it 11x worse).

but on the flipside, i don't feel like i feel awful enough to justify "i'm tired" as an excuse. (even if reaching that same point of exhaustion as i did last week feels realistically likely). i feel like just because one of my friends won't be there today, and i added that to my reasoning to skip class last time i did (which was not my main reason! and i went to a second class the next day! the original plan was two classes in two days, which absolutely would have burned me out!) means that even though it's also not a major aspect of my reasoning this time, it's "proving" that i'm somehow an unreliable flake who must be judged, and that no other reason can carry merit if this one is involved. (and uh... nevermind that seeing my new friends is a major reason for me to look forward to going. and is a legitimate reason. and also, for the record, this is not a sport i'm taking super seriously?? i'm there to have fun and learn a cool skill, and feel better in my body. not to fuckin fast track it to black belt so i can compete with the gym rats) (and uh.... going twice a week right now, now that i've sort of plateaued and my body is finding its current limits... the twice a week plan feels a bit unsustainable. i haven't felt good after the wednesday class the last few weeks. and the point of this IS to feel good... i know going less means the plateau will take longer to push through but... am i going to get swole or am i going to have fun and get a little stronger???)

i struggle so much with these decisions. i was always labeled by the people in my life as unreliable and malicious when i was younger, and it's really made it hard to justify it when i don't want to do a thing. even when i know i don't. i know part of that assigned unreliability when i was young was partially my own doing, because i had no concept of boundaries (especially self preserving ones) and no concept of my disabilities. i was always pushing past my limits. i was often a bad fit for the few people who were willing to befriend me, and my dislike for what they enjoyed and inability to keep up with them physically was always written off as a personal moral failure. (also, wow. look at the self blame in that sentence)

so i feel like i forever and ever have to have 100% attendance to every commitment for the rest of my life forever to make up for it. to make up for having had friends who weren't patient/didn't like me, for being disabled, for not being able/willing to be the perfect white picket fence child my parents wanted......... shit. putting it that plainly makes it painfully clear.

laying low, staying on the couch, and going to bed a bit early tonight sound really, really nice.

#especially because by the time class would be due to end tonight i'll likely already be dozing off on the couch #also like?? there's one friend who ONLY goes to the saturday classes and there's no fucking judgement??????? #it's just nice to see her when she's there??? and i've still gotten the chance to get to know her #even at that cadence??? and she's still gotten really good in only a few months??? #it's fine. it's fucking fine. there's nothing to prove. i don't need to fucking cram. there's no test. i can go slow. #i'm doing this to make my body happy in the moment AND the future. not to force it to be unhappy now for the sole benefit of the future #i lived like that for 25 years and it's a hard habit to break i'll tell you that #and shit. i was just talking a coworker who wasn't feeling well today into taking tomorrow off #so she can rest up for her travel plans this weekend so she's better enough by then to actually enjoy herself #i need to fucking practice what i preach #personal

[shyrose57]

Brothers anon back with a worked out timeline! And Misstressoffandoms sorry im responding so late! I completely missed your reply. Thats what I ended up doing but im hoping to eventually be able to completely copy those eailer asks and put them on my notes app.

When this gets a major update I'll resend if you want me too.

CURRENT AGES! (When they left Subbin)

Ran-19

Ranbob-26 (Previously 28 but decided to change it a bit, decided I didn't like the 9 year age difference between the brothers)

Watson-33 (Previously 35 but decided to change it a bit)

Jackie-16

Grievous-22

Benjamin-30

Cletus-24

Charles-25 (Previously 27 but decided to change it)

Isaac-29

CURRENT TIME LINE! (THIS IS NOT INDEPTH AND IS INSTEAD INTENDED TO GIVE A BRIEF SUMMARY OF EVERYTHING, DETAILS MAY BE CHANGED DEPENDING ON WHATS ADDED)

-Dream gets control of Ranbob and uses him to basically commit genocide in Mizu, Ran barely escapes. 

-After living alone for 6 years Ran arrives in Subbin, takes part in the Pit tournament, and gains a family. At the same time the fishermen find and rescue Ranbob, bringing him to their home.

-2 years past with Ranbob recovering and having a haunting, and Ran fighting while spending time with his own haunting. 

-Isaac manages to convince his group to go to Subbin even though Ranbob is a bit nervous, the fishermen join The Pit for the promise of money and fun. Ranbob gets pinned against Ran (doesnt know its Ran) and sees the King of The Hill is on with Ran at the top. Ranbob climbs up to see Ran there, he is shocked and approaches him with weapon dropped and shaking, Ran kicks him off the edge. Ranbob slams his head into the ground and dislocates his shoulder, rises up to see the King of The Hill dropping. Ranbob tries to talk to Ran only for Ran to run to him and slam him into the ground, yelling at and threatening him. He carries him over to the edge of the arena and at this point Porkius calls off the fight and the fishermen and Gladiators enter the arena to seperate them. Ran cursing out Ranbob as he gets dragged away. Ranbob gets treated in the medical wing as Ran storms about and the two groups talk and match everything up.

-Weeks past with incredible tension in the air. They decide that taking a trip may help and after getting approval from Porkius, manage to convince Ranbob and trick Ran to come along.

-After agurements and tense moments while in a carriage, they get out and walk to their next destination. A flower biome. Where they manage to relax and have fun for a few days before moving on.

-Next Watson leads them to a nearby waterfall he found with a tunnel behind it, the brothers get water splashed on them by Isaac and Jackie being idiots, and from dripping water in the cave, leaving Ran with burns to his neck and hands, while Ranbob has burns to his cheeks and also to his neck. The burns fade quickly with help of burn cream Watson brought with. 

-After they pass the tunnel they see a shattered Savanna, and decide to travel through it. Tension ramps up when both Grievous and Cletus almost fall off halfway up a mountain, and when Rans scowling and growling end up sending Ranbob so far away from him he almost walks off the edge. 

-Watson says the Savanna is to dangerous and leads them to a nearby roofed forest, where they have their first run in with Raq and learn that Ran is still being hunted. 

-After 3 morw run-ins with Raq they move to another forest, this time Oak, and stumble upon a village, where they stop for supplies. This is also where they learn of Kelalen, but the librarian they learned it from dismisses them as lunatics and to avoid them. Upon pressing for more info they find out it was like Mizu, to which Ranbob shows interest and excitement.

-They move on to a Tagia biome where everyone attempts to tame a wolf and fails, expect Charles, Watson, and Ran. Charles gets 4 dogs from this and is very happy.

-While running to shelter in a cave from a thunderstorm, the brothers lag behind the rest, and start to badly agure. At the end Ran shouts something that makes Ranbob stop, stare at him with teary eyes, and run away. Ran almost goes after him but doesnt and instead goes to tell the others. While Ranbob finds another smaller cave to hide it, and after some harsh words, everyone goes searching for him. Leaving Ran alone and leaving him with his guilt ridden, horrible feeling, and merciless mind

-They get Ranbob to come back to find Ran gone, at first almost no one wants to go after him. Saying how it's all his fault. But eventually they agree to look for him after the storm has passed. Its a full day until the storm passes and the gladiators have become very worried for Ran. 

-When they finally look for him, it takes them hours to find him. And they only find him when there's a sudden shout through the woods, leading them to Raq mid-attack on Ran, taking advantage of his distraction of being lost in his own mind. Sadly their a bit late and aren't able to save Ran from a blindness potion. But are able to chase Raq away. Ran suffers due to the potion, and everyone is distressed.

-3 days pass until they manage to collect themselves up enough to move, after Ranbob said that he believes the town of Kelalen is nearby, he believes traveling there is worth the risk.

-It takes a week to travel to Kelalen and at first they get turned away, before Lucia recognizes some features of Ranbob and feels bad turning them away when Ran is blind. So they get brought in and Ran gets cured. 

-They stay in Kelalen for 4 weeks (minimum, may be more later on, im actually thinking along the lines of months) where they learn more about everything and Foolish who is particularly interesting. And after a while and long conversations they say goodbye and continue on to their next biome, a snow biome.

-While in the snow biome they meet a particular old enderman who used to live with members of the SMP. He reveals his name as Edward and upon meeting Ran and Ranbob he makes the connection with them to Ranboo. And starts to happily tell stories and teach lessons. But when Ran leaves to go to bed, Edward reveals that Ran does love Ranbob, but is struggling with his own nightmares that make it hard for him to show it to Ranbob. Who hesitates believing him, but eventually does. From here on Ranbob looks at and thinks of Ran in a different view. 

-After the snow biome theres no real destination next on their list, so they decide to just explore. 

-3 months past before something interesting happens. Whenever they come across a village Jackie has formed a habit of asking them about Foolish, as he took a interest in him. And he eventually gets a village that goes "Yes Foolish is that way." And he excitedly drags everyone else with him to meet Foolish. 

-They get to Foolish's home and start exploring. Jackie is alone when Foolish confronts him and Jackie brings him to the others. Foolish isn't exactly nice at first but warms up upon seeing the brothers again, as he's reminded of Ranboo. Hes informed about Dream and he is horrified to learn that and offers his help, they decline beliving themselves already free of Dream. Just before the group leaves Foolish gives them access to his armoury, saying how he feels like they'll need it. Before Ran can leave Foolish gives him a special totem of undying, saying he truly means he'll help, and that he feels they may face Dream again. Foolish tells Ran to break it when they need help and he'll be summoned to them. Ran leaves disturbed.

-2 years have passed with the group and brothers getting closer, along with occasional attacks from Raq and other hunters. They head back to Subbin. Their goal of getting the brothers closer achieved. Their still not as close as they used to be, but their close enough they can joke around, be left in the same room together alone without someone being stabbed, and even hug. Though Ran still hasnt fully forgiven Ranbob yet, but he's trying his best. Their on their way back to Subbin when nightmares between the two start ramping up, and Ranbobs episodes where he tries to run back to Dream are also on the rise. Everyone is starting to suspect something is happening but isn't sure what and so try to move on. When next Raq attack he brings back up again, this time instead of focusing on Ran, they focus on Ranbob. When Raq is defeated and finally caught, they ask why, and Raq reveals that theres a person who put a high bounty on Ranbob. Raq dies from Ran and Cletus.

-Ranbob fears its Dream, the others comfort him saying Dream can't escape Mizu. Their wrong.

-They finally get to Subbin and things are normal for a while, until Porkius reveals that Ranbob probably shouldn't be alone for a while. When asked why he reveals that the bounty on Ranbob has been put back up in Subbin, although he's going as fast as he can to nullify it. Benjamin, Charles, and Watson go to the local bar where bounties are put. And sure enough there's one for Ranbob there.

-When they get back Ran reveals what Foolish told him about facing Dream. They realizie Dream somehow got out and is hunting Ranbob down. Ranbob is terrified but they manage to comfort him. And they come to the conclusion they need to fight Dream. They spend months preparing and training for it. 

-(This is the end bit and has yet to be fully figured out. So it'll be added in at a later time.)

Notes: During the whole time traveling, unless specified, Ran and Ranbob are far away from each other. Ran tending to be in the very front of the group with Ranbob in the very back. And whenever Ranbob got close to a gladiator Ran would growl at him to back off. 

If you have any questions feel free to ask! (And if I missed anything please tell me so I can add it)

And I wanna check, am I still ok to send these?- to like talk about my au or no?- I'm afraid I've overstayed my welcome honestly and if I did I dont want to annoy you and will stop! And if you still don't mind, is there anything you want me to change? In general?

This’ll be helpful for the future! Also, Charles has four dogs, that’s adorable. 

Of course you’re okay to send ‘em, I love reading these things! 

I will never be annoyed about getting to see someone’s cool ideas and see how they choose to build on them. That sort of thing is awesome, and I love seeing it, your AU most certainly a favorite in that like. Send as many as you’d like, and I’ll be all the happier for it.

#Brothers AU #dream smp #dream smp au #tales from the smp

[fatgalfitness]

So last time I talked about how I don't do new years resolutions, but if they serve you, I fully support them. The problem with them usually, though, is they aren't plans. They're vague wishes that we hope will come true just because it's a new year.

What's that saying? Oh I looked it up...a goal without a plan is just a wish. So yeah. 😂

Anyway. If your new years resolution is health-related, it will not succeed without a plan. If you want to lose weight, you have to figure out HOW you're going to do that. Rather than say, I want to lose 50 pounds, break it down into smaller steps. Why do I have 50 pounds to lose? Am I eating out too much? Drinking too much soda? Not moving my body enough? "Lose 50 pounds" breaks down into several smaller, attainable goals. It could be, drink 1 soda instead of 5. Walk around the block once a day. Cook 2 dinners at home.

In public health (well in every discipline really) we talk about SMART goals. Is this turning into a public health lecture? Maybe a little bit...but it's important.

SMART:

Specific: not just "eat healthier" - eat 1 salad a day

Measurable: not "be more active" - walk around the block once a day

Attainable: losing 50 pounds in a month isn't attainable, at least not in a healthy way. Think about goals that make sense for YOU. Drinking one less soda a day is attainable if you're currently drinking 5.

Realistic: setting your sights too high or low will only discourage you. Going from couch-bound to gym queen isn't going to happen overnight. Set goals you can achieve so they motivate you to keep going

Timebound: set timely expectations. This way you can measure your progress over time, see your progress, and stay motivated to keep going.

(your SMART definitions may vary...but they all have the same general basis)

So how do you even get started? Sit down with yourself and consider what you want to accomplish to be your best self. It doesn't have to be weight, diet, or fitness related. It can be ANYTHING: Mending relationships, setting boundaries, being in nature more...whatever it is that makes you feel more like you.

This can still feel overwhelming, so once I have my goals set, and I've broken them down into smaller, manageable pieces, I take it one healthy choice at a time.

I mean that. Each day, each moment, is a chance to choose what's best for you. And each healthy choice should push you forward into the next one.

Today, I didn't want to get out of bed. Because reasons, I wasn't going to be able to go into the gym today. So I signed up for the Virtual class. But my alarm went off and all I could think was, I could just sleep in. I could just NOT do it.

But I got up. Healthy choice #1.

Disclaimer: sometimes, staying in bed IS the healthier choice. If lack of sleep, or illness, or whatever means you need rest, follow your body's cue. Your gains aren't made or lost in a day.

So now that I'm up, I'll get on the zoom. I'll do the workout. I'll add a 25# weight vest because Steph is a monster. I'll enjoy myself. Healthy choice #2.

Let the momentum of your choices propel you forward to keep it up. Now, I'm going to make myself a healthy breakfast, and spend some quiet time with my happy lamp before I have to start work. I'll drink my water throughout the day, and continue consciously choosing things that serve me best.

This is how we build habits and the lives and bodies we want for ourselves.

But what happens when the healthy choices aren't made? When we say, I just can't do it, and sleep through the workout, or eat cheese fries for breakfast, or push ourselves so hard we get sick?

We pick ourselves up on the next one, and we move forward.

Cause here's the beautiful thing: one choice, or even a series of choices, doesn't make or break you. Just like eating a salad once doesn't suddenly give you a six pack, eating cheese fries for breakfast once doesn't undo the progress you've made.

It's making these choices over and over, ignoring what our bodies and minds truly need, that derails us.

In our society, it's easier to NOT try. We can hole up in our houses, order doordash, turn on an endless loop of Netflix, and let the lives we wanted for ourselves fizzle out.

But that's not really a life, is it? Sure, I'm going to have days that that's all I do. And that's okay. But weeks on end don't serve me and the life I actually want for myself.

(if you're isolating and feel like you can't pull yourself out of the doordash Netflix hole, I encourage you to speak to a professional. Better help and talk space are both virtual Counseling options, and the national help lines are available 24/7. I've been in that hole, and it takes courage, and help from others, to come out of it. I've spoken very openly on this blog about my mental health, and I'm happy to talk to you and help you find resources)

So this ended up A LOT longer than I had planned, but I think it's so important to understand that healthy, full lives don't just magically happen. They take work, and choosing yourself over again every single day.

So onward, my friends. What healthy choices will you make for yourself today?

#fat gal fitness #exercise #goals #SMART goals #new years resolutions #choose yourself

[kurou3gi-blog]

How do you sure what action is their real action and what action is their script?  That the question. Idk anymore. If ji can easily do fanservice to man and woman like he doing lately. All we had seen from kd can also be a lie. Idk... but i'll go away. Ji and ks and kd arent health for me anymore. So this is the last time im sending you a ask. Thanks for your kindness in your answer.

What you think it easily but it not mean someone just do it because it easily and something not easily like we see... 

Sometime when you on the risk time even we don’t want to do that and we know it hard to do... But for safe our life or someone life we only do it even it can damage us.... 

Even lie ourselves to be someone that not us for our success.....

I think you are lucky to not meet that experience....

Sometime some of us had a life time like they in the saw game...... They can only accept even they hate it.....

Tbh before I ship them I thought same like you that every ship are fake, they did it only for fan service. I think it’s ok to scream for their moment but no need to ship them like fc and don’t believe that it’s real. And like I used to say more than once that because I knew about bxb fanservice strategy in entertainment industry since the late of 1990 era and this is why I not ship every ship even some of my friends was shipper and they hard tried to drag me into their ship until I watched ton of kadi fancam bts clips.....

In my life time since I was young I saw what happened with global artists especially in western, jp and my country....  Some case some actor is gay but he could do even had girlfriend to safe his popularity... He lied that actress and it end in short term that some of us knew because she knew he cheated her and he decided to move to a foreign country before they can’t cover it and wait more than 5 years until my country not anti lgbt like before to coming out....

And some case some company can do even fake their idol profile to make us hype their idol personality and that idol accepted to deal and did it like it easy to do but at last after that company not re-contract it end with we knew they are liars and that company not responsible and said they was cheated by that idol too even we knew that idol no power to cheat the one of big companies...

So I not trust in what I see from artist much at the start and accept only their live voice and performance not include their personality except some of their suck habit....

And yes even I said I believe kadi is real but I thought at the start after I sure to jump into this zone that maybe it end with bad end and it’s only 0.01% to get the good ending.... It’s hard to see good ending for a strange couple in their country culture eyes. And easy to turn into wtf way by what around them with every minute even they are real.....

But why I still stayed until now even we see only the thing that break our hope into zero..... Because it is still possible, even if only 0.01%... It’s like a gambling....

But I think it's worth taking risks... Even it may full of patient and sad at last.... 

And like I said in some of my text that I no wonder much if some of us can’t stay anymore.... No need to lose your mind with this suck thing and like I said that it’s good time to say goodbye. No one can blame your decided. It easy to bring us down XD Like someone say love and like is natural toxic XD

I think everyone can choose what they want if they have chance. So no waste your time to hesitate.

But I'm glad to see you sent the goodbye message to me.

Good luck my friend ^ ^/

P.s. Sometime if now ji is ji at the beginning why esm and he just wait until now to show a thing like that.....

About their nude rate show.... All of ekso now no one below 25 years old.... It’s a time to coming of middle mature age not a 18 20 21 youth years old.... Especially rabbit jm who stay at the eldest member point now. He is 28 even he not looks like that..... And we see his 6 packs since long time ago but why they chose to troll a kind of that solo perf to him now? Even we see other bb tried to show their 6 pack like this before ekso include it with the one of show not special edition show anymore....  And if we think about how long and how many that lay had shown his nude body after his first solo album.... But ekso....

Sometime I feel like ji shy to show his nude alone.....

About that clingy ji....

If he like this at the beginning why he wait until 7 years after that issue to show that habit to us? I think we and they know it’s a top moment that we hope to see from our beloved idol.....

I feel like at first they don’t want to do a thing like this but no choice....

I still think about jm action while his latest ig live.....

You can think he shouldn't choose this method and I think he may not choose like this at first... But after he think about blablabla things..... I no wonder much if everything can be like this....

And I still think of when ji cried after ekso first won and taem tried to record ji’s crying face with his mobile phone and ji tried hard to hide his face......

Although how cy showed his 6 pack on tempo mv that made me think maybe I can also see 2 (hun&kai) of them with nude top too at first time....

Maybe before we see a thing like this....

How much he had lost his soul in the past.....

[princess-of-france]

Hi! I'll ask the same for you: Multiples of 5 for Edmund, please! Here's to our Gloucester boys :) Thank you!

Oh boy, oh boy, it’s my favorite god of hell. Thanks, friend! :)

I’m going to use Edmund as he exists in the L.E.A.R. universe, because that’s the version of him I know best. Hope that’s okay! xx

5. Cleanliness habits (personal, workspace, etc.)?

While he’s not the type the whip out the Windex or the pull out a vacuum at the drop of a hat, Edmund is an abnormally tidy 27-year-old man. His natural instincts for strategy, secrecy, and careful preparation have endowed him with a keen sense of organization (both in his head and in the places where he lives and works). Obviously, his father’s law office has its own set of cleaners and he can pay for housekeeping whenever he likes, but the basic arrangement of all his belongings is always the same, and always neatly coordinated. 

Another way of saying this is that the only messy thing in Edmund’s life is his heart. Loving people renders them uncategorizable, which is why he fights so hard against it. Kessa, Edgar, Cordelia… He cannot file these people away in his mind. They are the mess.

10. Neuroses? Do they recognize them as such?

Edmund has the irrevocable urge always to be the smartest person in the room, which is possibly a neurosis and possibly just a sign of colossal ego. (And he usually gets what he wants in this regard, because the twat has an IQ of like 180. Only one other person in his life can give him a run for his money, intellectually, and she hates his guts.)

15. Biggest and smallest short term goal?

I’m going to answer this question for Edmund at the beginning of the play:

Smallest short-term goal: to ingratiate himself with all the Anglia board members at Goneril’s engagement party.

Biggest short-term goal: to convince his father, Caleb Gloucester, to leave him Anglia as a client in Caleb’s still-unfinished Last Will and Testament.

20. Childhood illnesses? Any interesting stories behind them?

No major illnesses beyond the ones that most (vaccinated) children experience. But I’m sure he’s given UTIs to at least a dozen women since the age of 16.

25. How do they see themselves 5 years from today?

At the top. 

Whether he’s serving on the board of Anglia, or serving as Anglia’s chief legal counsel, or serving as husband to a divorced/widowed Goneril (CEO) or Regan (CMO), or serving as Lear’s interim replacement while the patriarch is in the hospital…it really doesn’t matter to Edmund what role he takes, so long as it belongs to him and him alone. He just wants the power, glory, money, and fame that has lain at Edgar’s feet since the day he was born. Within 5 years, Edmund feels he should be able to con himself into a position at the head of the Anglia Corp. food chain.

Except, he thinks sometimes, lying in bed with his hands over his face and the memory of fresh violets in his nose, he might be willing to give up on all of that if she wasn’t so determined to give away her inheritance…

30. Reaction to sudden intrapersonal disaster (e.g. a close family member suddenly dies)?

This is a bit of a spoiler, but I doubt anyone will care (especially since I’m writing a prequel): when Kessa commits suicide, Edmund really does go off the deep end. It honestly breaks my heart just thinking about it. His mother was the only person in the entire world who always loved Edmund unconditionally, who put him first, believed in his worth, championed him in the face of overwhelming antagonism, fought for his rights as a natural son of Caleb Gloucester, and made it her mission in life to ensure his happiness. Her depression was the kind of obstacle Edmund always thought she could overcome, since Kessa was pretty much the strongest woman who ever lived, and it absolutely destroys him when he realizes there are some battles even goddesses cannot win.

He weeps when he gets the call. It is the one and only time he sheds any tears in my play, and he does it in front of Cordelia, who holds him as tightly as Kent held her when Marianne died, all those years ago.

The next time Edmund will cry is when Lear enters at the end of Shakespeare’s play, carrying the corpse of a hanged girl.

35. What activities do they enjoy, but consider to be a waste of time?

Golf. To this day, Edmund doesn’t understand why businessmen are so obsessed with chatting idly about multimillion-dollar deals over 4+ hour rounds of golf. There’s nothing inherently wrong with playing the sport, of course, but using it as a backdrop for business that could be completed in 15 minutes in an office is beyond him. It’s just such a complete waste of time??

40. Would you say that they have a superiority-complex? Inferiority-complex? Neither?

I think Edmund is in the worst position of all: he has both.

His genius-level intelligence, natural good looks, inborn ability to charm women, and male privilege have definitely given him an unbearable superiority complex which Cordelia has made it her mission in life to puncture like a balloon.

On the other hand, Edmund also secretly suffers from an acute, infuriating sense of inferiority that just will not be scoured away by either money or success. His mixed race identity (in an overwhelmingly white world of blue-blooded New York business); his tawdry family history (as the bastard son of an ex-stripper); and the fact that Caleb obviously favors his legitimate son, Edgar, both emotionally and occupationally…all these things make it very difficult for Edmund to value himself as highly as he wants to.

I think a large part of his superiority complex is overcompensation for these feelings of inadequacy, as well as righteous anger than he has been made to feel inadequate about them in the first place.

45. Superstitions or views on the occult?

God is dead. God has always been dead. There is no such thing as fate or divine justice or cosmic intervention. Humans have free will and are inherently self-interested. There is no such thing as good or evil, only people who are brave enough to reach for what they want and people foolish enough to try to bat their hands away. The stars are cold. The universe doesn’t care. We are always, always alone.

50. Is this person afraid of dying? Why or why not?

I don’t think death scares Edmund one bit. Everyone dies, at one time or another. Even Kessa’s unexpected demise doesn’t make him “afraid” of death; it just makes him catastrophically angry and sad. 

What does frighten Edmund to his core is the idea of dying BEFORE he has time to ascend to the zenith of power to which he feels entitled. Succumbing to death before he takes his place at the top of the world scares Edmund shitless, especially in light of his mother’s passing, because it would mean Kessa’s entire life had been for nothing. Worse still, it would mean his own life had been for nothing. If he’s not fighting, tooth and nail, every day, for the inheritance that he deserves so much more than his cocky, careless, lovesick older brother, then what is he going to have to show for himself when he’s his father’s age? How is he supposed to be content living the rest of his life within spitting distance of socioeconomic domination and never owning even a piece of it?

And then there’s fucking Cordelia, who has that entire legacy lying stagnant in a dusty bank account, just waiting for her 25th birthday so that she can give it all away to charity. If she would just change her mind…if she would just consider being Lear’s daughter for one single solitary second…if she could just try to envision a world in which she actually kept what the stupid universe has hurled at her doorstep…he would — damn her soul to hell — marry her tomorrow.

But then again, a cruel voice tells him softly, if Cordelia was the kind of woman to take the money, you wouldn’t want her half as much as you do. 

Edmund was born to want the thing he cannot have. And she was born to be it. 

[floridian--mermaid]

I'll be that guy, 1-150?

1.Who was the last person you held hands with?-The little boy I nanny 2. Are you outgoing or shy?-I can be both3. Who are you looking forward to seeing?-No one really? 4. Are you easy to get along with?-I tend to think so5. If you were drunk would the person you like take care of you?-No6. What kind of people are you attracted to?-Someone who's honest and funny. Someone who has a good manners. Someone who won't up and leave for no reason.7. Do you think you’ll be in a relationship two months from now?-Probably not8. Who from the opposite gender is on your mind?-I'm not saying 9. Does talking about sex make you uncomfortable?-Nope10. Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with?-Samantha 11. What does the most recent text that you sent say?-"Oh well fuck 'em😂"12. What are your 5 favorite songs right now?-Carrie Underwood Church Bells-Kelsea Ballerini Peter Pan-Penatonix version of Hallelujah -Thomas Rhett Star of The Show-Carrie Underwood Dirty Laundry There's a lot more but it's hard to pick just 5😂13. Do you like it when people play with your hair?-Yes😍14. Do you believe in luck and miracles?-Depends what happened I guess15. What good thing happened this summer?-All the times I went to the beach?😂16. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again?-Nope17. Do you think there is life on other planets?-There could be yes18. Do you still talk to your first crush?-Nope😂19. Do you like bubble baths?-Sometimes yes20. Do you like your neighbors?-One yes. The other creeps me out. 21. What are you bad habits?-Over thinking everything 22. Where would you like to travel?-Ireland. Anywhere in the mountains. Italy. England. 23. Do you have trust issues?-Fuck yes😩24. Favorite part of your daily routine?-Eating 😂25. What part of your body are you most uncomfortable with?-My stomach and nose26. What do you do when you wake up?-Check my phone 😂27. Do you wish your skin was lighter or darker?-Wish it was somewhat tanner28. Who are you most comfortable around?-My mom and 3 best friends29. Have any of your ex’s told you they regret breaking up?-Yes30. Do you ever want to get married?-I hope so31. If your hair long enough for a pony tail?-Yes32. Which celebrities would you have a threesome with?-Oh gosh😅33. Spell your name with your chin.-63q4tw4 close enough right😂😂😂😂34. Do you play sports? What sports?-No35. Would you rather live without TV or music?-TV...I could always watch netflix on my phone 😂36. Have you ever liked someone and never told them?-Yes37. What do you say during awkward silences?-Nothing 38. Describe your dream girl/guy?-Isn't what I kinda already described in #6? Haha but someone who loves me for me. Who will stick around when I'm at my worst. Someone I can joke around with. Someone who's as sarcastic as I am. 39. What are your favorite stores to shop in?-I love Target 40. What do you want to do after high school?-Well I've been outta high school or like 4 years now😅 but I want to be a teacher41. Do you believe everyone deserves a second chance?-Depends why they lost their first chance 42. If your being extremely quiet what does it mean?-I'm sad or hurt or upset43. Do you smile at strangers?-I do44. Trip to outer space or bottom of the ocean?-I've always loved outer space but there's so much at the bottom of the ocean we don't know about so ocean45. What makes you get out of bed in the morning?-Reality and adulthood46. What are you paranoid about?-Never finding someone to love me47. Have you ever been high?-No48. Have you ever been drunk?-Yes49. Have you done anything recently that you hope nobody finds out about?-Nope50. What was the colour of the last hoodie you wore?-Navy Blue with a patriots logo on it51. Ever wished you were someone else?-I have52. One thing you wish you could change about yourself?-My smile and nose?53. Favourite makeup brand?-I don't really have a favorite. I have a lot of makeup😂54. Favourite store?-Target55. Favourite blog?-To many to name56. Favourite colour?-Teal57. Favourite food? -Tacos, spaghetti, cheese burgers, pizza, donuts58. Last thing you ate?-A Dunkin Donut donut 😍59. First thing you ate this morning?-A donut haha60. Ever won a competition? For what?-Cheerleading 61. Been suspended/expelled? For what?-Nope I haven't62. Been arrested? For what?-I haven't 63. Ever been in love? -Yes64. Tell us the story of your first kiss?-Gonna sound cliché but it was at a middle school dance 😂65. Are you hungry right now?-Yes66. Do you like your tumblr friends more than your real friends?-I like them all equal67. Facebook or Twitter?-Neither68. Twitter or Tumblr?-Tumblr69. Are you watching tv right now?-No70. Names of your bestfriends? -Samantha, Katelyn, Megan and then a few on tumblr71. Craving something? What?-Cuddles and sex72. What colour are your towels?-I have a lot so there's not one specific color72. How many pillows do you sleep with?-I sleep on 4 and then cuddle 2😂73. Do you sleep with stuffed animals?-No74. How many stuffed animals do you think you have?-To many75. Favourite animal?-Giraffe 76. What colour is your underwear?-Purple77. Chocolate or Vanilla?-If it's Ice Cream or candy then chocolate. I just don't like chocolate cake or cupcakes78. Favourite ice cream flavour?-Chocolate chip cookie dough 79. What colour shirt are you wearing?-Light blue80. What colour pants?-Blue81. Favourite tv show?-Chicago Fire82. Favourite movie?-Titanic and The Little Mermaid 😂83. Mean Girls or Mean Girls 2?-Mean Girls84. Mean Girls or 21 Jump Street?-21 Jump Street85. Favourite character from Mean Girls?-Karen86. Favourite character from Finding Nemo?-The turtles87. First person you talked to today?-My mom88. Last person you talked to today?-Right now Kaitlyn 89. Name a person you hate?-Not going there90. Name a person you love?-Not going there either 91. Is there anyone you want to punch in the face right now?-Yes92. In a fight with someone?-No93. How many sweatpants do you have?-A few94. How many sweaters/hoodies do you have?-A lot of sweaters but only a couple hoodies95. Last movie you watched?-Legally Blonde came on tonight 96. Favourite actress?-Shit...Ummm I don't know97. Favourite actor?-Same as this one...I don't know 98. Do you tan a lot?-Yes 99. Have any pets?-Yes100. How are you feeling?-I'm feeling good...confused but good101. Do you type fast?-Sometimes102. Do you regret anything from your past?-Yes103. Can you spell well?-Decently I think104. Do you miss anyone from your past?-Yes105. Ever been to a bonfire party?-Yes...went to one last night 106. Ever broken someone’s heart?-Yes but he's over it and moved on but it was best for both of us107. Have you ever been on a horse?-Yes108. What should you be doing?-Sleeping109. Is something irritating you right now?-Yes big time110. Have you ever liked someone so much it hurt?-Yes111. Do you have trust issues?-Didn't I already answer this? Yes I do112. Who was the last person you cried in front of?-I can't remember113. What was your childhood nickname?-I didn't have a specific childhood nickname that I can remember 114. Have you ever been out of your province/state?-Yes115. Do you play the Wii?-I did when I had one and I do when I nanny because that's what they use for netflix 116. Are you listening to music right now?-Yes117. Do you like chicken noodle soup?-Yes118. Do you like Chinese food?-Yes...im craving it right now actually 😭😩119. Favourite book?-I don'thave a favorite book 120. Are you afraid of the dark?-Sometimes yes121. Are you mean?-Not usually but I can be122. Is cheating ever okay?-Hell no 123. Can you keep white shoes clean?-No124. Do you believe in love at first sight?-Not really no125. Do you believe in true love?-I have no idea anymore126. Are you currently bored?-Kinda127. What makes you happy?- A lot of things128. Would you change your name?-No129. What your zodiac sign?-Cancer130. Do you like subway?-Yes131. Your bestfriend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do?-I don't know 132. Who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with?-Samantha 133. Favourite lyrics right now?-I don't have a favorite right now134. Can you count to one million?-Probably not135. Dumbest lie you ever told?-There's a lot of dumb white lies I've told136. Do you sleep with your doors open or closed?-Closed137. How tall are you?-5'5 138. Curly or Straight hair?-Naturally straight 139. Brunette or Blonde?-Right now I'm a dirty blonde140. Summer or Winter?-Summer141. Night or Day?-Both142. Favourite month?-May?143. Are you a vegetarian?-No144. Dark, milk or white chocolate?-Milk145. Tea or Coffee?-I'm not a big fan of hot tea, so coffee146. Was today a good day?-Ottawa was decent147. Mars or Snickers?-Snickers148. What’s your favourite quote?-"Love like crazy" I can't think of any but that song is playing so it's what I put 149. Do you believe in ghosts?-Yes 150. Get the closest book next to you, open it to page 42, what’s the first line-"The next day Abbie sat across from Jonathan in his car on the way to the hospital"