#i literally dont give a shit if it's just his lies he's a /redacted/ it's literally his job to lie. BUT LEAVE ME OUTTT OMGGG fuck

[mwagneto]

the only thing i hate more than ppl who lie is ppl who lie in a way that forces you to go along with it like ohhhmy fucking god do whatever the fuck you want if it's only yourself you're embarrassing but why would you bring ME into this. lord

#just tell the fucking truth!!!!! it's always so fucking obvious too like omg 😭😭 shutthe fuck up #anyway guess who has to make like 5 extra trips across budapest coz their father is insane (me) #no reason!!! no reason whatsoever!!!!! literally could've just told the truth!!!!!! #him and another man both expect me to lie to a bunch of people but they're also #lying to EACH OTHER and i know they're lying and they know i know but they dont know the other's lying #AND FOR FUCKING WHAT!!! YOU COULD JUST BE HONEST. IT'S SO EASY. #i literally dont give a shit if it's just his lies he's a /redacted/ it's literally his job to lie. BUT LEAVE ME OUTTT OMGGG fuck #also they didnt explain to me that I'd have to lie and then got mad at me for not lying. LIKE GIRL . WHAT ♥ #ended up calling other guy's secretary coz i literally had noone else to talk to abt it and i was abt to have like a #full nervous breakdown in a public square. poor woman #she was very nice tho. thankfully coz that would've been the last straw for real #barking #also i tried soooo hard to get clear instructions from either of them and neither of them told me Anything #LIKE BRO IM GONNA BLOW UP. TELL ME EXACTLY WHAT I NEED TO DO. STEP BY STEP

[yonpote]

re: dnp onscreen "personas" lol. i mean yall know what i mean by that but i feel like explaining it anyway just to be thorough. this is related to what ive been calling The Shift.

2011-2012 was around the time where the barrier between real dnp and the people they played was starting to be fortified. and like, part of it is just, with phils channel once he wanted it to be less video journal-y and more weird experimental short films, he still wanted to entertain people while talking abt his life, so maybe he would stretch a tale a bit or act a bit peppier than he is irl. and with dan, he had concepts literally from the start of what to do with his channel, and how it was inspired by a lot of sketch comedy based channels like communitychannel and [REDACTED]. so its not like it wasnt somewhat personas from the start, but 2012 was when it was cemented, and once they became known for being a duo it was just further self-flanderization. a Phanderization even. like intentionally playing into the ornery guy who makes bad puns and the happy go lucky guy who accidentally says innuendos. real tsukkomi and boke moment.

ok im gonna elaborate on why tatinof was a fanfic now :) this is the PEAK of phanderization, to me it's not a surprise that the cracks in the egg PERSONAS were starting to show bc they were just Fully In Character for like a year or so straight. in tatinof, the serious bitter eye-rolling "ugh dont do a song and dance" guy was dan (The Straight Man) (dont laugh thats just what its called) so of course his counterpart was the silly happy just having fun "i wanna burst into song!" guy was phil (The Fool). but when you watch their making of doc, dan says that HE'S the one who wanted to do the song and dance. if youre an Enthusiast abt dnp, you mightve already known that dan was a huge theater kid and loves the book of mormon n shit. phil likes theater too, but dan LOVES IT like not just watching but Performing. BUT to a regular degular in 2015 just casually watching or a huge fan but hasnt watched every liveshow ever or a phannie who just really believes in the Phanon, this may come as a surprise. phil is the happy silly ball of sunshine right? like ok. these aspects of their personality (dans bitterness and phil's positivity) aren't exactly LIES. but like obviously theyre just humans. this is what Interactive Introverts was TRYING to comment on, but imo i think fell short of its attempt bc in the end they were still trapped in their personas for the sake of Giving The People What They Want

ok i kinda tangented so back to the personas, it's not as if today they are Fully Raw And Real with us on screen, that's just kinda inherently never gonna happen, there will always be shit we don't know about them bc like. it's still a screen. BUT now that they are more real with us, we kinda see the energy of the olden days back, ofc less MegaRandomHyper and more gay millennial waffling. but it's them! cuz they really are so similar to the personas, but there's always an underlying layer of This Is A Bit. when dan's annoyed at phil for something we know he's not genuinely angry ESPECIALLY when we see that phil does it on purpose to rile him up. i think something strange is that, it's not like during 2012-2018 we didnt see stuff like this, dan's always been silly and phil's always been sarcastic, but bc so many people had bought into the Personas of danisnotonfire and AmazingPhil, that ended up being cemented into fic.

ok i wanna ramble on more but maybe ill make a new post lmao

#oh i thought i posted this but it was just sitting on my ipad #myrambles #the shift

[bytchysylvy]

BODY THOUGHTS ESSAY PART 2/3

SF SUPPORTING CAST

mokubat knows his leanness makes latikam upset. reminds him of the occupation. but its whatever. Appreciates the fact that he is apparently Incredibly Sexy by mortal standards and uses this to his advantage to be as much as a slut as possible with them.

zumi puts on a brave face to hide that she is deeply insecure about the way she looks. She'd give everything to just look vazuvyn. Having a more feminine body shape would help too but its by far not her biggest problem.

susarikas's biggest problem is just moving around. his body was never meant to... be like this. Unknown to everyone he will grow into it and live an adulthood without inhibition but right now its awkward to deal with. He doesn't let it get to him as he has no fellow young vazuvyr to compare himself with (though this itself does make him rather lonely).

dusk is reasonably mixed. ellyon dominated media that makes the ideal body one that she could literally never physically obtain vs living in a strong gwenduraag community where her body is normal and average. She has reasonable insecurities but nothing noteworthy. However, she is oblivious to how pretty she is with her hair down.

liz loves her body. It took a lot to get her body the way it is. her only issue is she wishes she had casarin's huge caboose, then she'd be perfect lmao.

You may not like it but kayanit is what peak female performance looks like (big snake)

levis, a naturally thin conventionally attractive jewel ellyon, has never once had to think about how his appearance would be received. He is taking aging with grace btw, thanks for checking in, we were all so concerned.

im going back and forth with something about nerus so put a tiny redacted about something here. That aside, i have a whole other essay about him and hydrel's insecurities with being half faeren. Might post later idk. Know he worries about his looks but its not in his size or shape.

galan, like everyone* else in their family, has no reason to be insecure because they're all thin and conventionally attractive. admittedly though, he is somewhat insecure that he has zero physical strength. Man couldn't protect a woman from a salmon. But it doesn't get to him that much because he hides behind his intelligence anyway. I have a business degree I dont need to lift heavy things such as a bag of flour.

vaens didn't have any issues until his thyroid failed on him and he got fat. deeply insecure about the changes, worst of all despite knowing its just medical condition he contextualizes it as a moral failing; that its a punishment from god. it is some solace to him that his wife loves him all the same. disclaimer that this is not why he is an horrible person, just another symptom of the bigger issue of his religiosity.

morgan is both conceited in her appearance and insecure. Looks at everyone else and thinks "at least I dont look like that". Fully believes that thinness is a holy thing and deviation is the result of one's own moral failing. We don't see behind the scenes but while she admires vaens's power she also judges him harshly for his body, though she keeps that thought to herself.

adaen was a soft squishy nerd. Always tried to look tougher and meaner to compensate but failed miserably and ended up just looking softer and dorkier in the end. Wasn't strong like his brother but he was the funny one.

fjinmars was also on the soft side but in a way that was still a very idealized feminine look. She never had to deal with anyone giving her shit about her appearance. And the media cant get to her because she knows things that society does not.

no notes about kentras as i havent designed him yet

anrai was heavy set, being a wrestler before being deployed his size and shape was praised albeit not for his looks. After coming home from his first service he went from having a wrestlers physique to being plain fat. It was fine. It was truer to who he was anyways; a soft hearted guy who just wants to live a peaceful life and cuddle with a cute wife.

naljuun was never insecure of her appearance but of being a tiny helpless girl. Runt of the family and having grown up having to do manual labor which never seemed to be good enough. Doesnt like to think about it. Just glad that casarin took after his dad and not her.

#im not tagging everyone #i fuckgin said i had notes for everyone i meant everyone #sf

[hintsofhoney]

y’all, people aren’t mad at your favorite actor for being straight, they’re mad about him literally lying for clout

and the worst thing is, he didn’t make this “joke” about being gay because he knew it would be a shitty thing for him to do. but bisexuals are fair game because we? don’t really exist? are just confused? are less than the other letters in the acronym? like what age old invalidating argument made this shit okay in his mind?

but that is just where we differ on what happened. i don’t think he got up there and purposefully lied for clout?? think about it?? if that was his intention he would have gotten up there and clearly stated “I am bisexual” instead of a shy little trailed off “I’m all three” that no one in the room caught? and then oh, I don’t know, probably wouldn’t have redacted the statement saying that the last thing he wants to do is to co-opt the struggles of the lgbtq+ community? at worst this was his chronic foot-in-mouth, which we have seen him have before. he’s clumsy with his words and he says the wrong things sometimes and shit — who doesn’t? at best, he wasn’t lying at all and decided to redact his statement either because he was forced to or for reasons regarding safety, or he wasn’t ready yet, etc etc. in which case, he did nothing wrong. bottom line is, we don’t really know, and maybe we never will. but I am not going to sit here and jump to the worst possible conclusion that he did it for clout. clout from who? he is a d-list actor.

people make mistakes. every fucking day. celebrities are people. they make mistakes, too. and I’m not saying to not hold them accountable for those mistakes — absolutely do. absolutely call them out on the things they do wrong. but when they own up to what they do and apologize — that is when it’s okay to show a little grace.

im bisexual. cas helped me find that about myself. misha is the one who helped me accept that about myself. i have the man’s handwriting tattooed on my arm for fuck’s sake. he means a lot to me, both the character he plays and the person he is — but I am not naïve enough to think that he’s never gonna fuck up. yeah, if it was a slip of the tongue, he fucked up. and he apologized. if it wasn’t a slip of the tongue, he’s done nothing wrong.

either way, why are we jumping to the one conclusion that makes him a shitty fucking person? this man has fucked up so many times and every single time he has owned up to it, apologized, and learned from it. every. single. time. you know how many people fuck up, don’t own up to it, don’t apologize, and dont learn from it? a lot more people than those who do. and I think that alone says enough about the person he is. aside from the ally and advocate he has been for the lgbtq+ community, and all the things he has done in that regard, etc, he genuinely makes the effort to learn and do better.

im not saying don’t be upset about the situation. it’s an upsetting situation. im upset about the fucking situation. im not even saying don’t be upset with misha. when someone says something hurtful, even if they didn’t mean it, I understand that it can take some time to fully forgive even after they have apologized. i get it. all I’m asking is that we give him the benefit of the doubt and don’t immediately jump to the one conclusion that makes him an awful person. he has done more than enough through his actions to prove that he is the exact opposite.

#misha collins

[reynie-muldoons]

'Depends on the Wagon' liveblog!

I saw someone do timestamps in their liveblog and it was absolutely lovely, so I think I'll try that too

1:55 why does Curtain sound like an mlm ceo LMAO

2:07 WOW ASSHOLE 😂😂 waving off your own teacher when he was complimenting you is not the vibe

2:17 so Dr. Curtian is only available through chain emails. Got it.

2:27 he seems like the kind of asshole to say that people on welfare are lazy and exploitave but then like, not pay his taxes

2:42 I DON'T LIKE HOW HE SAID THAT, THAT WAS CREEPY

2:47 oooooh Constance, always asking the right questions

3:05 Kate, why are you yelling, it's literally past curfew 😂

3:35 oh hai Jackson.. gtfo

4:22 oh yeah, the best way out is through the hallway that Jackson just entered. Good plane, babe.

4:25 soooo Kate Depending On Friends arc :)

4:59 AYYY HI RHONDA!!

5:13 why do I kinda fucking love then all deciphering the Morse code together

5:20 so the kids use the gemini riddle? Not the adults???

5:36 his face when he figures it out 😭😭😭

5:46 Nathaniel? Guess that's Dr. Curtain's name now. Less ridiculous than Ledroptha, but you dont get the badass Let Drop the Curtain reference

6:53 okay so no one knew he had a brother? But he did???

7:21 his faaaace 🥺

7:29 AWWW HE COULDNT BRING HIMSELF TO SHARE 😭😭😭 okay I'm kinda on board with the change if they can make it work in the long-haul

7:42 hi Milligan, good timing 😂

7:56 "not the time.........I'll take a dozen" Number Two my LOVE

8:23 interesting. I dont think Mr. Benedict was adopted in the books? He certainly didn't let Violet's family, the Hopefields, because he knew their financial troubles would be even worse. So who?

8:54 ohhhh dear, stages of grief at work. Maybe don't do that

9:05 I talked about this in the MBS discord server, but I think the show is really nailing Mr. Benedict's feelings. He's always been an emotional person, but he has to be so careful. Bottling up your feelings only leads to bigger feelings later. It makes so much sense for Mr. Benedict to be a whirlpool of strong, repressed emotions.

9:11 MILLIGAN'S FACE JAHAHS

9:34 RHONDA'S FACE HAGSKDGDJ

9:40 Mr. Benedict, sweetheart 🥺❤

10:01 "brothers stick together" why does it sound like he's talking about Reynie here 😭😭😭😭

10:12 that is a good ass point, Mr. Benedict already lied to them once

10:21 it makes sense for Sticky to be the one questioning the most because of his anxiety, but damn

10:46 AWWWWWW

10:56 KATE MAKING A BED FORT KATE MAKING A BED FORT KATE MAKING A BED FORT

11:00 I dont like how aggressive Kate is but it makes sense considering she's been in the circus for years, taking care of herself for far longer than she hasn't. She's not good at depending on people, and she's not good with difficult people.

11:10 Yeahh, Constance gets it!

11:40 Yeahhh, Constance gets it

12:55 that teacher seemed pretty nice last episode, nice to see that they're not what they seem just the same as Dr. Curtain lol

13:28 CONSTANCE I LOVE YOU 😂😂

14:00 "check again" okay so Krista from the tests and Martina give off the same vibe.. perfect 😂

14:16 "yeah......hang in there :D"

15:05 all of the apologies to the general class.. he's such an anxious sweetheart. He's really reading as autistic to me.

My sister just called me 😑 it's like 8 am, I answered her like "did you ever consider that you might be waking me up?" She did not consider that 😂

15:22 Martina's face just growing more and more annoyed and disgruntled HAHA

15:29 that was CORRECT?? WHAAAA

15:51 throwback to when I compared Dr. Curtain to an mlm ceo.. definitely like a cult

16:44 ohhhh Martina

17:30 CONSTANCE HEARING VOICES HELLOOOOO

18:22 ayyyyyy helper man

18:40 he seems too cheery to be a helper .-. The helpers all being super sad made [redacted]'s story make a whole lot more sense

19:35 aaaand now we get to it. You know, it really does seem a lot more cultish on screen than in the book

19:53 WAIT CONSTANCE GOOD JOB PUTTING THE PIECES TOGETHER 😂😂😂😂

19:53 that cut to Milligan making that exact face was INCREDIBLE

20:05 was he tryna leave? Yeah, good fuckin luck bucko

20:10 "critical papers at home" my ass, they packed everything up

20:24 the stages of grief back at it. 🥺

20:38 their relationship >>>>

21:00 "located in the..?" *description of envelope* "located in the....?" *more description* "located in the????" 😂😂😂😂

21:34 ohhhhh Thursday must be the student ranking day

21:56 Martina seems like the kind to throw out "pick a god and pray" as a crit quote 😂

22:07 I don't see any of the Society'a names on the list. Maybe they havent been there long enough

22:17 OH SHIT JK THERE THEY ARE

22:25 ohh Kate and Constance

22:55 the combination of the ferry horn and the bell makes it weirdly grim

23:55 them bringing Kate up and reminding her that she's needed 😌✨

24:29 hi Milligan bb ilyyyy

24:35 real good lookout guys, y'all are so well hidden

24:52 AYY HE'S DOING IT KATE STYLE

26:31 "visionary" is a word for it

26:31 I really kinda love that Number Two and Rhonda are going to such depths to try and help Mr. Benedict figure this out for sure

26:56 Mr. Benedict fully walking away while they talk about his brothers accomplishments 😂 I'm laughing, but poor guy

27:08 his FACE 🥺

27:28 HERE'S THAT TANTRUM FROM THE TRAILER

27:28 take your guesses how many times will he fall asleep

27:50 "he just has to work through some things" you dont fuckin say

27:55 you mean to tell me he had a full blown meltdown and they didn't show him falling asleep once??

28:35 like father like daughter 😌✨

29:10 ayyyy secret desk compartment

29:19 honestly I'm surprised there were actually papers he needed and it wasnt an excuse to go confront Dr. Curtain

29:32 oh shit, how'd they manage to get that far inside? No one was there to guard it, but the maze itself is a security measure

29:42 KATE STYLE STRIKES AGAIN

29:47 ooooh I like Dr. Curtain's office

30:01 WAS THAT SQ AND DID HE JUST CALL DR. CURTAIN HIS DAD

30:41 birds have careers. Got it 😂

30:50 JOURNAAAL

31:02 the fox?? Reynard the fox???

31:27 ohhh here we go, Dr. Curtain sees himself in Reynie only to resent it later

31:37 Mr. Benedict called Reynie a leader once too.. the parallels have ✨begun✨

32:12 is this the "keep your enemies close" conversation??

32:15 I'm honestly surprised he called him Sticky and not George

32:42 IT IS SQ IT IS SQ IT IS SQ

32:59 sooo that starts by not letting his caution down with you

33:11 Dr. Curtain congratulating himself mid-conversation on saying something deep is so in character

33:20 "I was betrayed by someone very close to me" so that was Mr. Benedict. Who the fuck else would it be

33:23 WHAT DID I SAAAAY

33:31 oh noooo Reynie starts doubting Mr. Benedict here? Is that the move?

33:43 that transition was so pretty stoppp

33:53 again how hasn't he fallen asleep

34:55 ayyyy journal snooping

35:05 Constance, my love, you are cut throat

35:11 Milligan is in the DRYWALL? ohh buddy be careful

35:21 omfg are they talking about water polo 😂 I love that that's the sport of choice

35:51 ayyyy they put the Milligan dots together too. Shame the guy's not with them rn

36:36 so Mr. Benedict brings up cheating first? I really like how we get to see the adults riddling out what to send back, we didn't get that at all in the books

37:46 I LOVE THAT THEY KEPT "don't get caught"

38:51 Kate riddling out the island schematics engineer style is so like her

39:07 they're just walking out the door?? Huh???

39:29 babe... turn off your flashlight

39:33 AND THAT'S WHY

39:58 is that the precursor to chuckroot?

40:38 the papers were from his orphanage 🥺🥺🥺

41:14 why does that break my heart

41:19 Dr. Curtain and SQ doing shit together it just.. so heartwarming

42:00 HAHA

42:16 okay, so show!Curtain is a kissass 😂

42:35 wait wait wait so Dr. Curtain is actively trying to contain his brother? That would explain why the Recruiters were looking for him and weirdly not the kids

43:25 "power wants to be free" sounds more like a personal mantra than a conversation between engineers

43:41 YES A LETTER TO MISS PERUMAL

44:02 more voices. Poor Connie girl 🥺

44:36 he loves her so much 😭😭😭

44:45 SHE TRIED TO SEND HIM A CARE PACKAGE

45:13 WORRIED MOM TIMEEE

#mbs liveblog #mbs disney+ #depends on the wagon #mysterious benedict society #charity's talkies

[thegeminisage]

Jace, Magnus, Raph :D

THATS SO MANY THANK U

JACE:

favorite thing about them: everyone likes to sort of categorize jace as this mostly douchey guy but he’s actually kind of Softe if you dig a little and like not to be basic but i like that about him

least favorite thing about them: WHY YOU ALWAYS LYIIIN

favorite line: “dazzle me” @cathy not one word

brOTP: JACE AND ALEC…give me more of that good parabatai shit…….my other favorite thing about jace is it’s implied he knew alec was in love with him for a long timeor at the very LEAST since alec’s bad reaction in 1.04 and he played dumb (partially because he hates talking about feelings yes but also) for alec’s benefit. just not to make things weird. it would have been easy to make him be weird about it. straight guys are assholes. but he wasnt and thats real nice.

OTP: he’d be miserable without clary to the point where he still wanted to smash even when he thought they were related, so

nOTP: jace and alec. STRICTLY platonic on jace’s end! it’s not necessarily that i think it’s ~problematic~ god knows you couldnt pay me to touch that discourse i just think the dynamic is much richer and deeper when it’s a one-sided romance and jace was still cool about it. idk i find that totally refreshing and fascinating and like a pretty new take, at least to me personally. why ruin it by turning it into run-of-the-mill slash? (i say this as someone who writes a lot of run-of-the-mill slash, don’t send me mean messages) 

random headcanon: he likes [REDACTED], which technically was cathy’s headcanon first

unpopular opinion: he’s never done anything wrong in his life ever…look i know he has but like leave him alone?? idek why i feel so strongly about this he isn’t my favorite character i don’t stan him i’m not super invested in him…i just don’t think he’s done anything wrong, aside from the fact that he lies a lot. i was totally siding with him over alec during their season 1 tiffs.

song i associate with them: natalia kills - kill my boyfriend :)

favorite picture of them: sorry but i dont really have one

MAGNUS:

favorite thing about them: his body language! he’s like always on the go, all his lil flourishes, how expressive he is–expression-wise and with his body language. he uses his hands to talk and since warlocks use their hands for magic that’s like an awesome character detail. my second favorite thing is how fucking cool he is. i love when he does magic. he’s so cool oh my god he’s like the HEIGHT of cool

least favorite thing about them: not to be problematic but he’s a little TOO perfect. let him fuck up once in awhile! so far all we’ve gotten was the seelie queen thing and that was half alec’s fault

favorite line: “i’m the high warlock of brooklyn” YOU TELL EM MAGNUS

brOTP: MAGNUS AND RAPHAEL IS CANONICAL ACE/BI SOLIDARITY AND I’M SO HERE FOR IT

OTP: well obviously magnus and alec

nOTP: i dont really?? see him shipped with anyone else??? i guess my notp is imm*rtal h*bands…alec would absolutely hate being immortal, whether by magic or being turned. he would HATE it. i have a series of fanfictions outlines to explain my feelings on this matter more thoroughly someday

random headcanon: i made a gifset about it on my other blog (you can see it at /post/172404479554/ if you know the url) but i think maybe he doesn’t always like being a warlock. like, the magic is great! he loves his people! he loves being able to do cool stuff! but his parents basically died because of it (trying not to be too spoilery, sorry coralie), and being immortal when you have to watch people die is hard. he’s pretty sensitive about his cat eyes, maybe in a way that’s more worried about what other people will think than someone who dislikes himself? i feel like maybe he used to dislike himself a lot more intensely and sort of had a long time to unlearn it and now most of the time it’s fine but he just still has his bad days and tender spots. i feel strongly anough this, clearly

unpopular opinion: again im gonna have to go with being anti imm*rtal h*bands…i mean obviously people can write what they want & no skin off my nose but i wish it wasnt QUITE so popular bc its hard to find fic i like w/o it

song i associate with them: man i have a really great one for alec like that could kinda be malec but not a magnus-only one sorry

favorite picture of them: literally any picture with cat eyes i love his cat eyes so much

RAPHAEL:

favorite thing about them: CANONICAL ASEXUAL!!!!!! i can’t tell you how much that means to me. it’s a first for me! i watched this whole show for raphael. second favorite thing: he’s still religious. that’s real brave imo

least favorite thing about them: WHY DID HE DO THAT…i cant say what he did on coralie’s post i already said a magnus spoiler but i cant believe he DID THAT im heartbroken for him and so angry at him what an idiot why didn’t he ask for help

favorite line: number one winner is the entire scene about the stars with rosa but close runner up is whenever he speaks spanish. not because it’s sexy or whatever but because he almost exclusively does it when he’s trying to be intimidating. literally i have a gif of him going “adios >:)” when he’s about to commit murder

brOTP: if i had an entire show about magnus and raphael i would be happy. alec who? but raphael and rosa kills me too

OTP: raphael and izzy, come on, come on, show, i’m begging you! simon who? this is where it’s at! i can’t believe she talked about his asexuality like it was a perk rather than a hurdle. i get weepy when i think about it for too long

nOTP: please for the love of god stop shipping with him with simon

random headcanon: dislikes kissing. i may be projecting a bit here ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ at least i finally have a character i can project on!

unpopular opinion: rizzy isn’t predatory on either side they both did that and they both owned up to it and got better stop trying to paint one of them like a creeper and the other like some precious innocent victim

song i associate with them: every single song i put on the ace playlist i made the other night

favorite picture of them: i made a gifset of him with the ace colors and that’s my favorite one. it’s at /post/172511018559/ on my other blog if you know the url

(send me characters!!)

#shadowhunters #ask memes #machidielontheway #long post

[glooomtownbrats]

i’m in a strike i refuse to use twitter so here i go because apparently there’s a fucking tag limit now, tumblr what the fuck

anyways if anyone reads this honey i’m so sorry.

a little backstory i work at my college campus’s scholarship department so there’s like 9 people in a tiny room and now we’re rotating our shifts because of COVID and because there’s not much work to do right now 4 different people go to work different days.

there was this new scholarship we didn’t know anything about like literally me the fucking intern that answers emails, notified everyone and they didn’t fucking know. they were picking 10 kids from all fucking college and give them money. lots.

days pass and they get they ass moving and my coworkers get informed, all of them have power over me i literally am a leading zero skdjdksk so they didn’t tell me shit because i only go two days a week anyway and info doesn’t spread until u fuck up and they scold u.

now here’s ingredient number one for disaster. (i’m on mobile so sorry also can u tell i used twitter religiously by the way how i redacted this lmao)

i’m told by boss: “check email and pick two new people, they fucked up in selection process”

i’m like “k” and he’s like “don’t answer emails, pick emails, call them. first two who pick up the phone will be selected hurry the fuck up” he says frantically. maybe not literally kdjdjsk

what pisses me off is that they’re withholding info from the kids who are pledging or whatever, and they get mad at me for telling them the truth, accidentally. i don’t like to lie, i’m often confused as being naive because i’m way too honest, on things that i probably should’ve lied about. like, i broke a pen on today’s shit day and fixed it in a way that the next person that touched it would “break it” but instantly the girl dropped said pen and said “dude look at it, it broke from the fall how strange” and my mind was like “lie lie lie lie” but my mouth said, with no brain filter, “um i broke it trying to fix the stapler” and she goes, in the driest way possible “oh”. i felt so dumb ksjfkdksk

anyways exhibit numero uno of corporate lies: they have already selected every fucking one of those 10 kids and they put the deadline for them to send their documents (for the application) until friday ... its fucked up because it is I, and my other coworkers who get yelled at by the students but ruoh-oh, we can’t tell them that.

continuing. i scroll, and start picking from bottom to top. them emails which we received first. i pick girl number one. doesn’t answer. girl number two. neither. so i go on and call the next two people. they answered.

girl number two is the detonator for disaster on this story. she sends an email a few minutes after i called and she didn’t answer, saying hey i was in class what’s up. and i’m told DONT REPLY EMAILS . so i didn’t. then she called as of today, second ingredient for disaster.

girl number two calls. coworker picks up phone and she’s like new phone who dis. she’s confused. says “i don’t know what the fuck ur saying”. i interrupt, “oh yea i remember her” i quickly explained. she says “oh shit then i don’t know how to drop the bomb and tell her she’s done fucked up” very clever of her. and i was fucking feeling myself y’all i was cocky and confident, a bad bitch. thinking, welp this girl fucked up and she’s gonna know and i’m gonna enjoy it ... i was wrong.

i dropped the bomb like it was nothing. said “hey u missed ur chance i’m sorry luv xoxo” that’s ingredient number three my dudes.

she went fucking berserk on me and it’s totally justified she lost her opportunity to get 10k (clarifying this ain’t on american currency), just by sitting through a course and doing some social/charity work.

me, panicking but trying to keep my cool because i had already told my coworker i was going to handle her.

i revealed lots of info to girl number two that i shouldn’t have. she got even more angry. and look i often don’t think what i say and can be a little bit too harsh. brutally honest if you will, i don’t do it to harm i’m just dumb and can’t think and basically being sympathetic while i speak to, let’s call them customers. welp i suck, and i’m a soon to be psychologist jfc. i should’ve fucking lied lmao

i think i defused the bomb in the end, she got calmer and she wanted to speak to a supervisor which he was absent,, if he were there i wouldn’t have fucked up and gotten so cocky.

she calmed down and said it was fine but i felt very guilty after being so insensitive, not mean, i was never mean or rude even after she raised her voice at me as if it were my decision to call someone else or not picking her. That’s another thing students or customers even, don’t understand I’m the fucking middle man and my boss is a middle man too like that’s how big corporations work periodt. my boss has another boss and his boss has another and so on like lol. i’m no one there, i’m a pawn. what do you want me to do.

so, my concern begins if, she decides to go tomorrow (I don’t go tomorrow) personally to our department and tells my boss whatever happened over the phone and my coworker throws me under the bus saying that i went a bit too rough on her. which i know she will because she’s shitty. but hey, at this point i’m so miserable there that if they kick me out i couldn’t care less but it’s my reputation imma look like a fucking dumbass

#long post #mine #sorry 🥺👉👈 #you know the worst part is that my coworker is pretty mean kinda like those popular kids from high school that they make fun of u #for saying whatever thing and teasing you for not talking too much #that’s her so I know that she’s gonna tell everyone all of the fuck ups i did today including the pen skdjdks and everyone’s gonna make fun #behind my back #and it brings me back to those days when people did that to me in middle school:)))) #I hate it there so much they’re so annoying and they make fun of you just for breathing #ugh can someone knock me out and erase today from my memory i—