#i know this is gonna get lost in all the jibcon mania today but whatever!

[deancasheadcanons]

Four Bedrooms

[ao3]

Based on this story told at Jibcon 2017 3.7k words

The thing is, Misha’s a liar.

He stretches the truth when he knows it’ll be to his advantage. He flatout lies when he thinks the truth will upset someone more than he’s willing to deal with.

So when he offhandedly invites Jensen and Jared to his rented house for the duration of filming the season 12 finale, he doesn’t expect them to take him up on the offer until after he’s already told them it’s a four-bedroom house.

It’s not a four-bedroom house.

The downstairs consists of a cramped living room with a flat-screen TV mounted on the wall, a small kitchen with enough counter space for exactly one cutting board and a sitting area with a wooden table and three chairs instead of four. The upstairs is one hallway with a master bedroom on one end and a much smaller bedroom on the other end. The spare bedroom barely has enough space for a full-sized bed. There’s one bathroom upstairs, between the bedrooms.

“Uh, you sure this is the right place?” Jensen asks as he sets his duffel bag down on the small couch in the living room.

“I might’ve...stretched the truth a bit,” Misha replies sheepishly.

Jensen turns to him, hands planted on his hips, unimpressed glare on his face. “I’m not sleeping on the couch.”

As Misha opens his mouth to respond, the door bangs open and Jared comes in with a whistle.

“Wow, Misha,” Jared says as he looks around the small room. “This is as awesome as you hyped it up to be.”

“I never said it was glamorous.”

“You also didn’t say it was the size of a broom closet,” Jared replies as he throws his stuff on top of Jensen’s. “Where are we sleeping?”

Jensen and Misha share a look before both turning back toward Jared. Misha says, “We can worry about that after work tonight I guess.”

“Cool, I like that idea. How long do you think we’ll be filming tonight?”

“Bob said 11 hours, but who knows. We have a lot to slog through,” Jensen replies tiredly.

They all sigh, somewhat simultaneously.

They only have a few minutes before they have to be on location, so Misha makes sandwiches and they scarf them down at the small kitchen table.

The next 15 hours are somewhat of a blur.

They film Cas’ death scene a dozen times from seven different angles. Misha takes his time with it, really tries to get in the right headspace for dying, makes it as dramatic as possible so the audience will truly feel the weight of the loss.

After the third take, Jensen rolls his eyes in exasperation. “Can you die a little faster, Mish? I’m fucking exhausted,” he complains.

Misha squares his jaw and stares at him. “Wait until we get to your coverage and then we’ll see who’s taking their sweet time.”

“Hey, kids, let’s not fight,” Jared placates. “We still have two more scenes to get through.”

When they get to Jensen’s coverage, he doesn’t really say much between takes. He keeps wiping his eyes and wringing his hands as if to shake off Dean’s pain. Jared is on break for this part, so it’s just Jensen and Misha and the sparse crew with Bob on headset.

Stupidly, Misha asks, “Are you OK?” as Jensen rolls his shoulders back and stares at the ground.

“What?”

“What are you thinking about? To get in the right headspace,” Misha clarifies.

Jensen looks at him like he’s an idiot. “I’m thinking about Cas being dead.”

“Really? You don’t have to think about something...real?”

Jensen shrugs. “It’s real enough. Dean loves Cas, it’s kind of easy to get inside his head.”

“Really? You think Dean loves Cas?”

“I mean, obviously. He’s his best friend, some of the only family he’s got.”

“Right…”

They film the scene again. Misha struggles to keep his eyes closed as the crane camera rises above them. He really wishes he could see Jensen’s reaction.

They get back to Misha’s house at 4 in the morning, their bodies exhausted but their spirits high with the end of the terrible filming schedule drawing near. Because they still haven’t figured out a sleeping arrangement yet, Jared suggests they stay up all night drinking.

Misha cracks open a bottle of wine first, and they drink amicably together out on the patio overlooking the mountains.

Jensen lounges back on a lawn chair and pounds two glasses of wine in 20 minutes. Misha is perpendicular to him in a regular chair, his socked feet propped up on the side of Jensen’s chair. Jared is standing at the railing smoking weed faster than Jensen’s drinking wine.

“Aw shit, I feel like I’m gonna pass out,” Jared says with his breath sucked in, pipe in hand.

“Aren’t you sick? Maybe you should slow down,” Misha responds.

“Yeah, I’m definitely gonna need to sleep at some point. I’m so fucking tired.” He plops into a chair on the opposite side of Jensen. “This was literally the worst week to be sick.”

“Suck it up, dude. Only one more day,” Jensen says as he holds his empty wine glass out to Misha.

Misha pours him a third glass of wine.

“You were the one complaining every hour on the hour tonight,” Jared fires back at Jensen.

“Yeah, well, somebody wouldn’t die fast enough.”

“Shut the fuck up,” Misha says.

Jensen glares at him. Misha glares back.

“Jesus, get a room,” Jared complains.

Jensen and Misha share a look.

“Speaking of sleeping arrangements,” Jared continues. “Jackles, I know how much you need your beauty sleep so you can have a bed. Obviously Misha’s paying for this place so he should get the master. I don’t mind sleeping on the floor.”

“There’s a couch,” Misha offers.

“We could also bunk up. That’s a king-sized bed in Misha’s room,” Jensen says flippantly. “I don’t...mind sharing a bed as long as the other person stays far, far away from me.” He pointedly looks at Misha.

“No, I’d rather just sleep on the floor,” Jared argues. “I’m not gonna make y’all sleep together.” He giggles as Jensen leans forward and punches him in the arm.

Misha cracks open a beer and downs half of it.

“Alright, so I’ll take the tiny room I guess,” Jensen says bitterly. “There isn’t room on the floor, so I guess Jared’s with you, Mish.”

“Yeah, I guess so,” Misha replies coolly.

“Great! I’m gonna go take a bunch of NyQuil and knock myself out,” Jared says as he gets clumsily to his feet. “Y’all staying up all night?”

“Wasn’t it your idea to stay up all night?” Misha asks.

Jared shrugs. “I’m tired. I’ll see y’all tomorrow.” He claps Jensen on the shoulder as he shuffles past him into the house.

A second after Jared leaves, Jensen and Misha look at each other. They don’t say anything.

“Four bedrooms,” Jensen eventually says as he swirls his wine in its glass.

“Fuck off.”

Jensen laughs affectionately. “I just can’t believe you wanted us to stay with you so badly that you lied. That’s pretty desperate.”

“Oh, so you’d rather commute four hours in the middle of the night?”

Jensen shakes his head and smiles at Misha. He then tilts his head imploringly and pats his thighs.

With a sigh, Misha sets his beer on the ground and awkwardly climbs onto Jensen’s lap. Jensen immediately grabs him by the hips and pulls him closer so he’s positioned directly over his crotch. Misha presses his hands to the back of the chair on either side of Jensen’s head and leans down for a kiss.

Jensen hums happily and digs his fingers into Misha’s hips. He works his tongue into his mouth and kisses him slowly, the taste of wine potent on his lips.

After a minute, Misha pulls back just enough to whisper, “I wish Jared would come back out and catch us.”

“Why?” Jensen asks before stealing a kiss.

“Then we could share the master together and not feel weird about it.”

“It would definitely still be weird.”

“We’re gonna have to tell him eventually, babe.”

Jensen’s hands loosen their grasp just a bit. “It wouldn’t have been suspicious if you had only invited me here. Just think about it.” He steals another kiss, a wide smile on his face. “We could’ve had the whole—” another kiss, “—place—to—ourselves. All week.” He seals his lips to Misha’s neck and presses his tongue firmly against his skin.

Misha arches his back and sighs into the touch. “You’re hard to argue with when you’re horny.”

“So don’t argue with me.”

“OK. I should’ve told you it was a small fucking house and that there was only room for one of you.”

“That’s better.”

They kiss for a while longer, probably too long judging by the hard press of an erection against Misha’s ass. He can’t help himself and grinds against it, forcing Jensen to relax back against the lawn chair and hold onto Misha’s hips until he decides he’s done. After just 15 minutes, Jensen comes in his pants with a low moan.

“Really?” Misha asks, annoyed.

Jensen opens his eyes and undoes Misha’s fly, pulling his cock out and pumping it lazily. “Sorry.”

“What happens if we go upstairs and Jared sees your come-stained jeans?”

“Dude, I can hear him snoring from here. He’s not waking up for anything.” Jensen rubs his thumb over the tip and Misha gasps.

“I say we wake him up and tell him,” Misha suggests.

“Maybe tomorrow.”

“Seriously?” Misha asks hopefully.

“No.”

Misha wants to argue, it’s an age-old argument between them, but Jensen picks up the pace and Misha becomes solely focused on coming. He wishes Jensen were still hard beneath him as he moves in his lap, but the hand firmly squeezing his ass is almost as good.

“C’mon, Mish, come for me,” Jensen whispers, and that does it.

Misha shudders as he comes, then he slumps against Jensen and tucks his head under his chin.

Jensen runs his (clean) hand affectionately through his hair. “We should go to bed, baby.”

“We should watch the sunrise first.”

“OK. But then bed.”

They’re kissing again by the time the sun rises, so they nearly miss it coming up over the mountains. It’s a tough battle getting to their feet to go inside, but they manage it after several long minutes. They change into pajamas in the bathroom together and hide their soiled clothes out of sight from Jared. They share one last lingering kiss before wishing each other goodnight and going to their separate rooms.

Jared is snoring incredibly loudly and sniffing through his cold. Misha shoves a pillow over his ears and falls asleep almost instantly.

In the morning, Misha is brushing his teeth in the bathroom when Jensen stumbles in and takes a piss.

“Good morning to you, too,” Misha greets.

Jensen grunts in response.

“Did you hear Jared snoring last night?” Misha asks before spitting into the sink.

“Yeah. Jesus Christ, it was bad.” Jensen crowds Misha at the sink and pushes him out of the way so he can wash his hands. “I mean, I could hear him from down the hall. How the hell did you sleep in the same room with him?”

“I guess I was really goddamn tired. Hey.” Misha grabs Jensen by the back of the neck and pulls him down for a kiss.

Jensen’s hands wrap around Misha’s waist as he pushes him up against the sink.

From downstairs, they hear Jared’s voice say, “Yes, this is Virgil. Yeah, that sounds great. You know, just send the paperwork right over.”

Misha shoves Jensen away as quickly as possible and sprints down the stairs. He finds Jared happily chatting on the landline in the living room, and they fight each other for a minute as he continues having a conversation with someone obviously important on the other line. As soon as Misha gets his hand on the phone, it slips out of both their grasps and crashes into a wine glass.

Misha shouts, “No!” as the glass shatters. He hangs up the phone and glares at Jared.

“Somebody else wants to rent this house I guess,” Jared says casually.

“I fucking hate you,” Misha responds as he puts the phone back in its cradle.

Jared laughs at him. Misha goes over to the coat closet and pulls his laptop out of his backpack. He wants to email Virgil and try to explain some better version of whatever the fuck just happened. As he’s typing, the phone rings again.

He jumps over the couch and dives not for the phone, but the phone cord. In the time it takes him to unplug the damn thing, Jared has hijacked his computer and is happily typing away on it. He stumbles back over to the couch and snatches his laptop away just as Jared is about to post a tweet to Donald Trump telling him how much he loves him.

Despite himself, Misha laughs at the tweet before deleting it.

He tucks his laptop safely under his arm and turns toward the kitchen to find Jensen leaning over the counter, sipping his coffee and watching him.

“A little help back there would’ve been nice,” Misha says bitterly.

Jensen shrugs. “I’m drinking coffee.”

Misha wills himself not to explode. “I’m going to go take a shower. Can you make me a cup? Or an entire pot.”

“Sure thing, babe.”

From the living room, Jared shouts, “Did Jensen just call you ‘babe’?”

“What? No. That would be ridiculous,” Misha replies without missing a beat.

He heads upstairs to take a shower and ignores the sound of voices in the living room. He’ll panic about whatever mayhem Jared’s causing after he’s clean.

When he comes back downstairs, he finds Jared and Jensen sitting on the couch together staring at the TV, transfixed.

And on the TV is hardcore gay porn set in a bathroom stall.

“Um,” he says.

“The owner of this place didn’t lock down the pay-per-view,” Jared explains without taking his eyes away from the screen. “I subscribed to this channel.”

“You mean...the gay porn channel?”

“Yeah,” Jared replies with no humor in his tone.

Misha clears his throat. “Enjoying yourself, Jensen?”

“Yeah, babe, this shit’s great.”

“You just called him ‘babe’ again,” Jared says, finally tearing his eyes away from the gay porn to give Jensen a confused look.

“Did I? Oops.”

“Is my coffee in the kitchen?”

“Yeah, mug on the counter.”

Misha goes to get his coffee and takes several long gulps of it as he tries to drown out the sounds of a twink shouting in ecstasy as his ass is slapped. He jumps when a hand sneaks around his waist.

“You OK?” Jensen asks quietly before pressing a gentle kiss to his temple.

“Yeah. You know, just need to figure out how to unsubscribe from the gay porn channel and somehow explain to Virgil that I didn’t mean to do that.”

“You embarrassed that he might think you’re gay?” Jensen asks sweetly as he rubs a thumb under the hem of Misha’s shirt.

“I’m embarrassed that he might think I don’t know how to use the internet to find porn.”

“Hey, guys!” Jared shouts, and Jensen jumps away from Misha, his hand dropping like it had never been there. “It’s getting to the good part! You don’t want to miss this!”

When Clif comes to pick up Jensen and Jared half an hour later, all three of them are sitting in front of the TV still watching gay porn. The couch is kind of small for three grown men, so Misha is tucked into Jensen’s side and Jensen’s arm is resting over the back of the couch. Jared seems not to notice.

Misha doesn’t have to be at work for another couple of hours, so he spends his entire “morning” (it’s 2 p.m.) trying to unsubscribe from the channel. Apparently Jared ordered a yearlong subscription and created his own username and password that he won’t tell Misha. In the end, Misha gives up and decides he’ll just pay Virgil for the damages.

Jensen and Jared come over again that night.

This time, they go straight to bed after work. After a couple hours of dreamless sleep, the door to Misha’s room cracks open and Jensen whispers, “Mish? You up?”

Misha rolls over and grunts.

Jensen crosses the dark room until he’s standing right next to the bed. “I can’t fucking sleep with Jared snoring like that,” he explains. “Scoot over.”

With a huff, Misha scoots himself to the other side of the bed and relaxes back against Jensen as he crawls in next to him.

“How is being in the same room as Jared’s snoring going to help you?” Misha asks as he rubs Jensen’s arm where it’s wrapped around his waist.

“Can always sleep with you,” Jensen mumbles into his hair, already sounding half asleep.

Misha smiles and squeezes Jensen’s arm. He falls back asleep easily.

The following morning, Misha wakes up in the same position he fell asleep in, but he’s on the complete opposite side of the bed and Jensen is facing away from him. Jared isn’t in the room, which is horrifying. How much did he see? Did he already take pictures and put them on Twitter?

“Jens. Jensen. Wake up,” Misha fusses as he whacks Jensen with a pillow.

Jensen wakes with a snort. “What?”

“Jared’s gone.”

“So? Oh.” He scrubs a hand down his face. “Shit.”

When they come downstairs five minutes later, they find Jared scrolling through his phone and drinking coffee.

“Hey, Jared,” Jensen greets warily as he grabs two mugs out of a cabinet.

“Hey. Why’d you come in our room last night?” Jared replies.

“Uh, to see why you were snoring so fucking loud.”

“And you just...stayed?”

“Sometimes when Jensen can’t sleep, he comes to my bed and I soothe him to rest,” Misha says as he takes a seat across from Jared.

Jensen gives Misha a bored look.

“That’s gay, dude,” Jared says, his attention already back on his phone.

Misha opens his mouth to speak, but Jensen shakes his head at him. Alright, so they haven’t been found out. No need to reveal everything now.

It will never not baffle Misha the amount of shit he and Jensen get away with right under Jared’s nose.

*************

They’re in Rome.

Misha has just crashed Jensen and Jared’s panel, and Jensen has just given Misha a silent sign that Jared is high as a kite.

When Jared starts in on the rented house story, Misha takes a drink and tries not to panic.

Jared keeps making comments that are heavy with innuendo, punctuating them with “I want to believe,” as if that’ll make things better. Lucky for them all, most of the innuendo is aimed at Jared and Misha sleeping in the same room together. Jensen aids it along by saying he was in his own room down the hall minding his own business. He doesn’t even look at Misha a single time while they tell the story.

When they get to the part with the gay porn, Misha and Jensen both try to cut it off. Jensen looks like he’s itching to leave the stage, which Misha doesn’t blame him for. At any moment Jared could begin talking about the second night and how he found Jensen and Misha in bed together the next morning, and that’s just what they need.

But soon enough Jensen and Jared are leaving the stage without even a second glance at Misha, and he’s able to move on with his own panel with no damage done.

He thinks he’s in the clear until he runs into a tipsy Jensen in the green room a few hours later.

“We’re lucky Jared and I slept in a room together,” Misha says quietly as they sit together on one of the couches.

“Why’s that?” Jensen asks as he knocks back a full tumbler of scotch.

Misha laughs. This is embarrassing to discuss. “Nobody cares about me and Jared. If you and Jared had slept in a room together, that would’ve been chaos. And if you and I had slept in a room together, that would’ve been chaos.”

“What?”

“You know, how people think...either you and Jared are together, or you and I are together.”

Jensen looks like he’s thinking really hard. “But nobody thinks you and Jared are together.”

“Right.”

Jensen shakes his head and laughs. “I think we could’ve told everyone we were fucking, and nobody would’ve cared after Jared revealed you were back next season.”

“Oh, that reminds me. He owes me 50 bucks.”

At Jensen’s confused expression, Misha continues, “We had a bet at how long it would take him to fuck up and tell everybody that I’m back next season. I guessed less than 20 minutes, he guessed more than 20 minutes.”

“So, he had a much bigger window of availability than you.”

“Yeah, 20 minutes versus all the rest of the time in the world. And he still lost.”

At that moment, Jared comes in and says loudly, “Hey, it wasn’t weird for us to talk about sleeping in the same house together, right? Y’all were looking at me like it was weird.”

Jensen and Misha look at each other.

“No, it wasn’t weird,” Misha answers. “Although, uh, in the future we might want to discuss what’s appropriate to reveal and not reveal to fans.”

“Mish,” Jensen warns.

“What? I don’t want to say anything suspicious.”

“What’s an example of something suspicious?” Jared asks seriously.

Jensen and Misha look at each other again.

“OK, seriously, what’s going on?” Jared asks, panicked now. “Did I do something wrong? Oh! I didn’t mention that I caught y’all sleeping together. But what does that matter? It’s not like you were actually—”

He cuts himself off and looks back and forth between the two of them, as if just now noticing that their legs are pressed together and Jensen’s arm is resting on the top of the couch right near Misha’s shoulders.

“Oh my god. You weren’t calling him ‘babe’ as a joke.”

#rps for ts #cockles text #cockles fics #jibcon #¯\_(ツ)_/¯ #i know this is gonna get lost in all the jibcon mania today but whatever! #my cockles fics #tf