#i just buy the cutest shit and wear it indoors. I don’t wanna deal with others. i think I’m kinda ough in the head

[pekodayz]

u ever just want to vent but u dont wanna bc ppl might just find you a vibe killer so u just sit there with ur head throbbing repressing it. ok sorry i need to vent. I’m gonna look back on this in 5 mins and wince

I’ve just been thinking abt how throughout my life well maybe just growing up. I’d be sitting with my friends and someone comes up and compliments one of them, I never gotten that. Well besides my eyebrows. Never my hairstyle, there’s literally nothing wrong with it..I never understood that. Like outside of high school ppl say things now but back then I never was complimented like that. I know this sounds selfish and stupid but I kinda wish someone flirted with me im not ugly right. I know I’m not ugly. all my friends got and still get flirted with, i never gotten that im not ugly right im. I’m pretty ?? Yeah. I’m a pretty gal I wish someone had a crush on me growing up. I will never know, if someone had feelings for me that wasn’t online. Like a real person, who saw my face. I sound so stupid why am I upset about such trivial things. I have a job, friends, ppl that care about me but this is something that has been fucking with me for years. I don’t wear makeup like them. Unless im doing some gyaru shtick. But even then, they still get flirted with. What do I know. I shouldn’t be complaining about this this is shallow. Maybe that’s why over the years I just stopped caring for love and affection and I’m on the ace spectrum now. I lost my ability to even have a crush bc im petrified of what could come of that. I had a crush once in 9th grade and hell, even I knew then I wasn’t worthy of this. I’m never probably gonna have someone be with me and that’s okay. I don’t wanna deal with the heartache. My heart hurts I wish someone would hug me and tell me somethin. Idk what tbh but something would be nice. I’m not lonely but I suppose the feeling of “haha yeah I remember when [name] had a crush on me lol” is kinda endearing. even if it probably was stupid. That’s probably the only things I’m jealous about towards my friends, pretty fucking dumb tho. I’m slowly getting over it, but oughh it’s wrong im gross for thinking that. I’m not mean to ppl irl idk what’s wrong but I don’t really care..that much anymore ig. I’ve come to terms with it, sorry if I sound selfish. More money for me i guess. I wish platonic cuddling was real at least. I’m not touch starved I think I just wanna have somthint in my life. just a little bit :3 ! But it’s okay………I can just be pathetic behind my normal irl persona and talk to a fucking bot to satisfy this pain. I’m glad I have gyaru tho, at least I feel cute..I don’t need to be wanted I think. It’s fun having a mask on. Ughhh. Ok well um sorry if you read through this hellish and disgusting vent . Yeesh! Im pretty, I’ll keep that in my thoughts so I won’t start crying again. EW OKAY UHHHHH emotional amirite! 😯😯😯😯😯😯😯😯

#.vent .. #ok sorry im never ever gonna admit this to anyone irl so it’s better if i say it online lol! #i just buy the cutest shit and wear it indoors. I don’t wanna deal with others. i think I’m kinda ough in the head #ik ai is terrible but those dumbass bots help unfortunately