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askemilydeanyo · 5 years

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Hello, yes. We had a threesome.

Before I start, I’d like to say that for the bulk majority of my life, I have identified as a relatively jealous person. Not jealous in a comparative way, but in a “tell me everything about your past, in detail, and then comfort me when I get upset about it because I will get upset” kind of way. That being said, when my urge to have a threesome crept up, I was honestly taken off guard. Imagining my partner with other people in the past used to make me queasy, but suddenly thinking of them with someone else was making me seriously horny. What the fuck was going on? I’ll paint the scene for you:

I was on the front porch eating strawberries, reading my final pages of Karley Sciortino’s Slutever, when it first came over me. In a lascivious daze, I looked up to my partner, then cutting the grass, and said: “Do you want to have a threesome?” to which they plainly responded, “Yeah, sure.” So like any self-proclaimed horny millennial sex aficionado, I immediately took to Instagram. (Obviously, I realize that not everybody can hop on their social media account and solicit for a sex partner, but I have a majority of family blocked and let’s be real they are all pretty aware of my sluttiness, so it seemed plausible to me.)

My request, posted in typewriter font over a photo of my leather flogger, simply stated: “Seeking a third for play *devil emoji*.” And voilà, just like that, she was baited. I will say, I got about 9 responses in total, but none of the others quite fit the description. We didn’t want anyone we knew too close, anyone we didn’t know at all, or anyone younger than me. I suppose this is my first tip, being that it might take a while for you and your partner to find someone that you are both attracted to, and it is both okay and encouraged to allow yourselves to be choosey (like, sure it only took us about 3 hours, but I’d say we are an anomaly to the rule.) I know a lot of people take to bars, or get on Tinder, or hire a sex worker, and I think those are excellent options for certain kinds of people, but we didn’t want to just pick from a sea of faces, we wanted to have some sort of connection to our third.

So, when she slid into my DM’s, we were stoked. We both knew her, but very, very vaguely. She and I had met a handful of times in social settings, but never engaged in anything beyond surface level conversation. However, like many of these types of interactions in my life, we had, at some point, talked about sex. I speak very candidly about sexuality – and my online presence is certainly no exception. I run weekly sex polls, I post pre-smut photos of me in full rubber lingerie, and I have an advice column where I answer questions about sex and relationship issues. So the chances that I have given someone sex-related advice online, while only having a conversation about their dog in person is surprisingly high.

Since we had some back-and-forth in the past, she approached it by saying: “If it’s not out of line, maybe I can reach out to you two about joining in the fun? I’ve always thought you’d be fun and comfortable to be around.” Finally! My outward slut-ass-ness had paid off! I was sold on her. I took the idea to my partner and they immediately agreed. As I said, the entire process of deciding we wanted to have a threesome and finding our third took, quite literally, 3 hours, but I’d imagine it is comparable to when you go to adopt a puppy, and think “omg! This is the one!” – it just felt right, you know? We knew that she was hot, and she was kind, and wasn’t a sociopath looking to come in and wreck our relationship, so it genuinely seemed safe.

It became a massive topic of conversation. We began vocalizing our fantasies out loud while we had sex (“You want to see me eat a pussy?” and yes LORD I did), we discussed our expectations and boundaries in depth, and on at least a dozen occasions I said “oh my GOD are we actually doing this?” jumping around like an idiot while doing the dishes. The thought was so exciting. We are both sexually adventurous people, both naturally hedonistic, seemingly born with a desire to please, so adding a third into the mix felt more like an extension of us. Just something and someone fun to do. We ended up running into her that weekend and fucked like literal maniacs afterwards. It was amazing.

The timeline of deciding on the rendezvous and actually putting it into action took a whopping 10 days. The closer the event came, the more and more I became the most annoying version of myself. “Oh my god, she’s coming in 3 days. Oh my god, she’s coming tomorrow. OH MY GOD SHE’S COMING IN 4 HOURS.” When the time finally came, I prepped my body as if I was going to senior prom all over again (except honestly significantly more.) I waxed my bikini line, did a facial, did a hair mask, shaved my legs, exfoliated my entire body, rummaged my closet, took 10 minutes on my eyebrows. We swept the house, washed the sheets, shined all the latex, and boiled all the sex toys. The energy was fun and frantic and flirty.

Within the comfort of your monogamous relationship, it’s normal to begin to care less about these things, which is not to be taken as a diss. When you see someone essentially every day of your life, you care a lot less about deep conditioning your hair and more about paying your rent on time. Knowing that someone was going to experience our home, our bodies, and our relationship dynamic for the first time took us back to those butterfly-in-tummy vibes – when you actually made an effort to match your socks and tend to your ingrown hairs. It was so sweet knowing my partner was taking the time to landscape their pubes and make sure they looked good in their outfit. I felt like I was going on our first date all over again, which was a really welcoming and unexpected phenomenon.

I’ll fast forward and spare you the visual of me crouched over cleaning the toilet in leather pants (just kidding, there was the visual): She arrived. My partner and I were sitting in separate rooms when I saw her car pull up. As one might imagine, I literally screamed. The following is a rough description of what happened: She came in, we gave her the house tour, we chatted over a glass of champagne (that I admittedly took no more than three sips of because I had taken two power shots when I saw her car pull up) (that and my partner refuses to fuck drunk people which is one of the hundred things I love about them.) And then… we showed her ‘The Drawer.’

Okay, look. My partner and I are sex freaks. If you know either of us in person, I can guarantee that our sex drawer is exactly what you are visualizing. It is filled with latex and leather, and sensory deprivation accessories, and cock lassos, and butt plugs, and dildos and vibrators and weird medical equipment that even freaks us out at times. This was the moment of truth. When you open your sex drawer to someone, you are essentially showing them your lifespan porn history, your darkest fantasies, your bank statement and your daddy issues all at once. It is vulnerable and spooky and oddly exciting. Anyways, she was into it.

After some chatting in the bedroom, we were all clearly getting antsy, so I decided to take initiative. I asked our third to strip to her comfort level. I asked my partner to blindfold her. I took myself in the bathroom, got into a latex get up, and had a full blown Issa Rae style pep talk with myself in the mirror. When I emerged into the bedroom I found our third blindfolded and stripped to her panties, while my partner was rubbing her legs. My first thought was “Oh my god, am I gay?” I was so turned on. The roles of my partner and myself became immediately clear. Here they were, prioritizing comfort and consent, not wanting to overstep any boundaries (especially while I wasn’t in the room), and I come in wearing full domme gear, leather riding crop in hand, alarmingly ready to turn some asses red. My partner is truly the yin to my yang.

I won’t go into too much detail, partially because I blacked a lot of it out (adrenaline, not vodka, I promise) but also because this is meant to be less smut and more narrative; so let’s just say I was in a deviant bitches version of heaven. As someone who identifies as a 96% heterosexual woman, I was honestly anxious about having a vulva in my face. Believe me when I say I am a huge preacher of “vagina’s are snowflakes,” but admittedly, I’m picky (don’t come for me I am literally just straight.) I was so relieved that when our third was naked before us, I was in absolute awe. My dreamboat of a partner, a beautiful naked person, and a nightstand covered with sex toys; I could’ve died right then and been totally cool with it (except our third did not sign up for Necrophilia 101 and let’s be honest I knew immediately that I wanted to do it again.)

The one thing that put me the most at ease was our ability to prioritize comfort. This has to take form in various ways. Being comfortable enough to assert what you want: harder, deeper, lower, just spread my butt cheeks more, being comfortable enough to fumble (i.e. having to literally remove our third’s fingers from my body after dropping the magic wand on the floor and watching it vibrate its way across the room,) being comfortable enough to show someone a drawer filled with electric stimulation pads and urethral sounds (unused, before anyone freaks out), being comfortable enough to ask someone to swap gloves so you don’t exchange bacteria. It is seriously vital. In porn, we often see someone take their dick out of one vagina and put it in the other, and in reality that just isn’t safe. That being said, when our third hopped out of bed and put on gloves without being instructed, I felt like a proud mom (except like horny step mom that fucks the girl next door), because not only was she prioritizing our safety, but she was also simultaneously not judging us for wearing medical exam gloves while we fucked. Truly a win-win.

In summary, we all came, we cleaned up, and we sat on the bed after and recapped straight slumber party style. A visual: All of us are wearing crop tops and undies, drinking Moscato from the bottle, a murder scene of sex accessories littering the floor beside us. During this time, I was paying close attention to my emotions. I had been a third to a couple once in the past, and the girl told me that immediately after the horny feelings subsided, she cried a lot. I was waiting for this feeling to sweep over me, but instead, my thoughts were more “oh my god, I can’t believe I forgot to fuck her with the strap on.” It was all really, really pleasant.

After she left, my partner and I had sex once again, and for the next few days we brought it up at least once every hour or so. In the middle of an art fair: “Remember when you first walked into the room and grabbed her? That was my favorite part.” in the middle of eating pancakes: “Do you think she came good?” in the last few seconds of a Warriors vs. Clippers game: “My finger literally went into her ass on accident.” It was like a Facebook memory popping up to remind you that you are a sex goddess, rather than an unfortunate seventh grader with side swoop bangs.

In addition to these micro bursts of horny memories zapping me throughout the day, I also found myself feeling tremendously liberated all around. Suddenly, I felt like that bitch. I felt more sure of myself and my relationship than ever before. I felt proud of my ability to casually share my wonderful partner with someone else. I also experienced some unexpected but cutesy and innocent feelings of having a crush, like, omg I wonder if she’s told her friends, I wonder if she liked us, I wonder if she’ll want to come back. I still feel all of that.

Some people might read this thinking: Emily, was this really worth a 4000 word essay? It’s a threesome, chill, people do this all the time; while others might think: Hell no, I would never let my partner fuck someone else! Both to which I respond: I get it. A ton of people take comfort in routine, and monogamy, and would never think of sharing their partner’s bodies with someone else. Other people are more laissez faire, and are totally cool with the thought. I guess I fall somewhere in the in-between. The reason I am writing this is solely to inform others of one thing above all else, and that is: When you allow someone else to be with your partners body, it is solely that: their body. You must be able to compartmentalize your sexuality. The sex you have with your partner right after a fight, or at 7a.m. half hard and half asleep, or after a romantic anniversary dinner can never be replaced by a 10p.m Friday night Ménage à trois, nor is it meant to. You are not lending out your partner’s heart, you are lending out their oral sex game because you yourself find it to be phenomenal and you want someone else to experience it.

Your third doesn’t get to know the exact 45 degree angle at which your partner likes their penis stroked, or the exact string of words that’ll make you cum in seconds, or how you like your scalp rubbed before you fall asleep. They are there for newness, for fun, and for straight up sexual gratification. Their roll is essentially to cum and leave (after sitting cross legged blushing over the fact that you both have outie vulvas, and also, like maybe not leaving forever because you might want them to come back in the future!) not to rock your partner’s world and leave them looking at you like an old pair of beat up sneakers or whatever. If you are worried about your third outshining you, or your partner developing feelings, or your primary and secondary running off and having some kind of love affair, then a threesome just is not for you. Having a fear of infidelity as a result is a pretty clear indicator that something deeper is going on, and why subject yourself to unnecessary anxiety if you don’t have to? (PSA: You don’t have to.)

A threesome will not fix your relationship if it is on the rocks. It will not mend your trust issues. It will (likely) not cure your diminished libido. It will not grant you any otherwise unreciprocated respect in your relationship. You get no brownie points. A threesome is literally a novel concept. It is to witness your partner in action outside of your standard point of view. It is to learn new things that turn you on and turn you off. It is to remind yourself that you can be in a long term, serious, primarily monogamous relationship and still be able to experience the joy of other people’s bodies in a safe and controlled environment. It is to fuck, and to get fucked. To cum, and to make cum. It is to let someone eat you out that doesn’t eat you out every day.

If you came here for my recipe for a successful threesome, here is what I can suggest: (Please keep in mind that I am a literal amateur, but I do feel confident in my knowledge, so here you go:) First, plan accordingly. Plan around your menstrual cycle, around your work schedule, when you can get a baby sitter, etc. Then communicate! The communication is pivotal before, during, and after, but it is especially important beforehand as this can make or break your situation. Discuss your boundaries: What are your hard limits? What would you like to try? What are some things you know you like, know you don’t like? Which toys strike your fancy? What are some names you like to be called? What are your pronouns? What terminology do you prefer us reference your genitals with? Which parts of your body are off limits? When was the last time you were tested? Are you wanting to keep this between us three, or can I write a 4,000 word blog post about it? I could go on and on.

Other important things to discuss are rules and expectations (which fall under the umbrella of communication.) Some of my rules were that I didn’t want them being in contact without me knowing, so no exchanging of phone numbers or socials, and we also unanimously decided that there would be no penis in vagina intercourse. Some other rules to consider might be: Areas of the body that can and cannot be touched (anyone say asshole? Cause I sure didn’t), if the third can stay the night, certain sentimental pet names to avoid, etc. Some expectations that I outlined were basically just that everyone do what I say. Surprisingly, this was less of me being ‘the dick manager’ and more of me being more dominant in nature. Luckily, my partner and my third are (or at least were) more sub leaning, so they happily obliged. Other expectations were that everyone felt comfortable to speak freely, to take breaks, to vocalize their needs, and to stop if they needed to stop. Also I wanted to know a general idea of what I was expected to wear and what kind of energy I was expected to bring to the table.

Another massive thing to consider is safety. Do you have any transmittable diseases or infections? Are you feeling sick? Are you allergic to any materials? Are you willing to sanitize toys, change condoms, use gloves, use barriers, and wipe down the hitachi head when switching partners? If not, seriously don’t even consider. It is selfish, and potentially transmitting infections, getting someone sick, or GOD forbid pregnant is seriously not worth the extra set of hands. Clearly talk about safety, make it accessible (condoms and toy cleaner by the bed) and don’t let yourself get too drunk to forget about it.

Something that proved to be really important to us was someone who would honestly just accept us for the freaks that we are. Lack of judgement is important in any activity where you are putting yourself on display, but especially in a sexual situation. Imagine if you came to someone with your deepest desires and they crinkled their nose in disgust? It is honestly world shattering. So, plan your threesome with someone who you know is open minded. In my case, I am lucky that I am pretty outwardly filthy online, so our third likely had some type of idea, but in the case of anyone else, use your best judgement, and have some conversations around the topic. Be clear about your wants and your needs. You want to be able to proudly ask for someone to shove a dildo in your ass, not be hesitant and afraid. Both your orgasm and your dignity are on the line here.

Another thing I would like to highlight is that although the role of the third (in our case at least) is to essentially serve as a human sex toy, they are exactly that: a human. It is crucial that you are checking in, making sure they feel catered to, and safe, and comfortable. I’d like to think this is too obvious to state, but in the event that it’s not, I will say it: Everyone’s comfort and pleasure should be a priority. Only in some fucked up alternate universe does inviting someone new into the bedroom mean you start prioritizing one person’s body over the other. Everyone is equal and worthy of respect, and just because someone might get off on being called a slut in the bed, doesn’t mean they want to continue to feel like a slut once they leave your house. Be mindful. A good third understands that that their role is temporary and doesn’t need to be reminded through negligence of their basic human emotions.

My last point to touch on is how to bring up the subject to your partner, which will likely vary from relationship to relationship. My partner and I are very laid back. Our approach to sexuality is much less focused around ‘the art of seduction’ and much more on direct pleasure and connection. Like, instead of lighting candles to ‘set a mood’ we are lighting candles to pour the wax on each other… because it feels good… you know? So in my case, it was as simple as asking directly because we are always direct with requests. Other people might need more tenderness. You might consider saying: “While I am totally satisfied with our sex life, I was wondering if you would ever be interested in introducing another person into the mix? I think it would be a fun way for both of us to explore, together, and safely, as we would be in view of one another.” Clearly state your expectations, your desires, and your intentions. And if your partner declines, respect their decision. Nothing should be forced on anyone, and asserting time and time again that you want to fuck someone else will likely leave your partner feeling like they aren’t good enough. Then you don’t get your threesome and your partner feels like shit. Was it really worth asking that fourth time?

Returning to my first question (me questioning my overall sanity) – before, during, and after the fact, I realized what was going on inside of me was that I was finally dating someone that I trusted entirely. The reason that I was able to walk into a room to find my partner sitting in bed with a beautiful naked person and not literally vomit is because they weren’t doing anything to me, they were doing something with me. If you are proposing a threesome to keep your partner’s interest, or to prove something shallow to yourself, spare yourself the energy. I have said it before and I will say it again: Expanding outside of monogamy should always be from an abundance rather than a lack thereof. You should not be thinking “My girlfriend doesn’t let me fuck her in the ass, so maybe our third will.” You should be thinking “My partner does this really amazing thing with their tongue, and it would be really hot to see how someone else reacts to it.” (And maybe if you’re lucky your third will gladly take it up the ass?)

So, wrapping up, perhaps you should consider having a threesome if you: Are secure in your relationship, if you find your partner to be too hot to keep to yourself, if you have an abundance of trust and respect for one another, if you are both willing to respect boundaries and safety measures, if you are wanting to explore other bodies while keeping your partner included, or if you are horny hedonists looking for some good spank material. You should not consider having a threesome if you: Feel pressured to, if you think it will mend an otherwise crumbling relationship, if you are feeling insecure, if you have trust issues, if your partner has expressed romantic interest in the third, if either of you have had a relationship with the third in the past (could get messy), if you are not attracted to the third, or if it is a last ditch effort to impress your partner.

Realistically, there are probably hundreds of reasons why introducing someone into your bedroom is or is not a good idea, so please note that I do realize I am only speaking to a small percentage of people. The reality just is that: like a raw vegan diet is not for everybody, like funneling a beer is not for everybody, like adopting a cat, or backpacking through Europe, or learning how to unicycle is not for everybody, having group sex is not for everybody. It is okay to leave certain kinds of activities to certain kinds of people, no matter how intriguing they might seem from a distance.

By no means am I saying that all group sex configurations must be rooted in love. They can be rooted in lust, in adventure, in curiosity – but one thing that is absolutely CRUCIAL is that they are rooted in trust. I trust that you will switch condoms and sterilize shared toys. I trust that you will respect my body and my boundaries and my concerns. I trust that you won’t turn into a pussy crazed lunatic and start trying to have threesomes weekly. I trust my partner with everything from my social security number to my incest fantasies, which means, most importantly, that I trust that they won’t go off and try to fuck anyone without me. If you have any doubt in your mind that you are doing this for reasons outside of solely hedonistic, pure, and/or loving intentions, consider reconsidering.

Now to share some gratitude: Thank you massively to my partner for allowing me to fulfill my sexual destiny, for supporting all my impulsive endeavors, for prioritizing my orgasms, and for never making me feel small (unless I want to feel small, then thank you for catering to that too.) Thank you so much to you, dream third, for making us both feel safe, for coming into our dynamic with an open mind, for feeling comfortable enough to not only share your body with us but also your stories, and your requests, and your positive energy (and for tolerating my demands and recurring slapping.) And thank you to anyone who has read all of this x so so much love.

#scared to tag anything naughty

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imagineyoungjustice · 6 years

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The Road Ahead (Dick Grayson x Reader)

Hi! Could Terra possibly do “Every time we fix things something else ends up breaking.” with Nightwing and the reader? Thank you! – @bat-trashed-dino

Thanks to Ren in the Discord voice chat, every time I look at this prompt now I think of how it could also be taken to mean how they have broken the bed, couch, and counter while sinning. But that’s a fic for another time. Anyway I hope you enjoy this! This is the last of the prompts requested specifically for Dick! I’ll hold a poll for the one request at another time to see if it goes to him or Wally. Also idk why I keep making these about cheating or something related to that. Maybe it’s just the way the prompts are worded or something that keeps giving me those vibes. -Terra

Tags: @scientistsarecool @loverbug1123 @wallywestie

Want to be added to our tag list? Send us an ask!

Warnings: Angst, cheating, emotionally unhealthy relationship, slight nsfw at the cheating part, nothing overly graphic though

“I don’t know if I can keep doing this.” The words you had spoken months ago still rang through your thoughts. With each passing day they seemed to only get louder, until it was all you can hear, drowning out anything else in your mind. You tried to make things work you tried to keep loving him, but no matter what it never seemed to be enough. After many tear-filled nights spent on the couch of your friend they finally gave you an ultimatum. They gave you the choice of either staying with your boyfriend, and losing them as a friend and support system, or finally breaking off your relationship. They said that they couldn’t sit on the sidelines anymore and watch you wither under your relationship if you refused to leave. It may sound harsh, but you knew your friend was only trying to care about your well-being. You had been telling them everything since the first time the two of you fought, they were your go-to for when things between you and Dick had gotten bad and you needed to get away from each other. They knew how bad your relationship was for the both of you, and they only wanted you to be happy again.

You hadn’t given them a definitive answer when you left their apartment the last time. It was a hard decision to make, even though you knew what the best choice for both you and he was. The two of you had spent years together, been through hell together. You were there for him when he grieved the deaths of Jason and Wally and helped him with the burdens of leadership during the Reach invasion. Those weren’t necessarily things you could have told your friend, but it’s because of those hardships the two of you faced that made this decision so hard.

You sighed and tried to keep yourself distracted from those thoughts by turning on the radio to your car. For a time, it helped, but as always, your thoughts inevitably drifted back to your situation. You knew deep down Dick Grayson was a good man, but for almost a year now you hadn’t seen that side of him, the side that you had fallen in love with. All you two ever seemed to do anymore was argue and be annoyed or angry with one another. After so long you knew that it seemed pointless to still hold out hope, but a part of you needed to see that other side of him, just to prove that it was still there, that he still felt even the least bit in love with you still. You felt a lot like a hypocrite these days too. You were always the first one to advise your friends and family to dump their significant other’s ass if things were starting to get bad, but here you were staying in a relationship that was everything you advised against for years.

When you got home, you waited in your car for a few minutes, not wanting to go back in and have to face him just yet. You just kept staring at the apartment building the two of you lived in, knowing that you’d likely end up in just another argument shortly after getting home, if he was even there. It was still too early for him to have left on patrol, but there was a good chance he would still be there if nothing had come up with the team. You just eventually sighed, and decided to head inside, your mind still swirling with the weight of your decision that you had still yet to make.

When you turned the key to you lock and saw that the apartment was empty of his presence as you entered, you let out a sigh of relief, which you immediately felt guilty about. That was just yet another sign proving how bad your situation had gotten. You went into your bedroom and pulled out your suitcase, staring at the empty contents as it sat on your bed. You had done this several times since you last confided in your friend, as if looking into the empty suitcase would help you make up your mind or make this decision any easier. The answer was it didn’t, and you would end up staring into it for hours until you heard Dick start to enter, and then you would quickly shove it away until the next time. Rinse. Repeat.

You paced around your apartment as you mulled the choices over in your mind, weighing the consequences over in your head like you hadn’t already done it a thousand times. The best possible answer still ended with you actually packing that suitcase and leaving. You gave up after some time and let yourself sink down into the couch. You pulled out your phone, looking through the photos you had taken of the two of you. They were from the better times, the two of you so bright and happy and most of all, still clearly so in love with each other. That’s what finally sent a pang through your heart, tears beginning to gather in the corners of your eyes. You hadn’t seen that kind of look from him in so long, that you hadn’t realized you forgot what it even looked like until now. Now you just sat there, crying into your palm, wondering what it was you did to make things end up like this. In the back of your mind, you could hear your fiends voice reminding you that it wasn’t something you did at all, that it was a lot on his part if anything and how you shouldn’t blame yourself. After all, you were the only one to keep trying to make things work, Dick hadn’t actually given any effort into keeping the relationship for over a year now. You wondered why he was even still with you if he didn’t care anymore, why it has to be you to be the one to break it off.

Your phone buzzing in your hand made you jump, pulling you back into the present. Your face twisted into confusion when you saw that it was Dick calling you. For a moment, you were shocked to see his name appear on the screen. How long had it been since he had actually called you or even sent you a text? You answered the call, a little hesitant about why he was calling you, and felt your breath catch in your throat at the noises that came poring through the speakers.

There was little room for interpretation at what was happening on the other end. His voice was distant, clearly an accidental call, but unmistakable. You’d recognize his moans of pleasure anywhere, you used to take pride in wringing out as many as you could from him back when things between you too had been better. You didn’t recognize the voice of the other person, but you didn’t really care. Still, you felt your stomach churn as a wave of nausea overtook you. Sure, the two of you hadn’t been physically intimate for the longest time, and yes to say things were rough between you was a vast understatement, but never in a million years would you have pegged Dick Grayson as the kind of person to cheat on someone, no matter how bad things got between them.

You wished that you could shrink into yourself, to hide from the knowledge that you now held, your phone slipped to the ground, the call already ended by your own hands. Your tears started up again anew, and you didn’t even try to wipe them away. This was it, this was your final straw. You could put up with the emotional distance, the yelling, everything that had already been going on. You were used to all of that, but the one standard you had always set for yourself, the one you vow to always uphold, was that you would never tolerate a cheater. In your mind once someone allowed themselves to cheat, they would cheat again. You took some time to collect yourself, pushing down the hurt and sorrow you felt. You needed to get yourself moving, to make yourself focus on the task at hand.

You stared at the suitcase now that you had finally packed it and laughed. You had spent so long going to your friend for comfort that most of your belongings had already ended up there, and you only just barely managed to fill the suitcase before you with what was left. In hindsight, it seems the answer was a lot easier to make than it had seemed before. Now that you had started, you found that it was easy to go through the motions of packing your things and making sure you didn’t leave anything important behind. Even going through the rooms of your apartment, besides bringing a bit of nostalgia, didn’t deter you from what you were doing.

There was actually a lot of things you did leave. Items and trinkets that Dick had gotten you from back when you first started dating, things the two of you bought together, pictures and furniture. The only thing that you kept as you set your keys on the counter along with a note and walked out of that building for the last time, was a small charm bracelet he had gifted you on your third date. It only had good memories tied to it, and you wanted to remember the man he used to be, to mourn that version of Dick Grayson, and not the man he had become.

As you got into your car and started driving away, you allowed yourself to feel the emotions you were keeping down. You were careful to keep safe as the tears started to fall, but you needed to let them happen, needed to start to move on. You were surprised to feel relief as the miles between you and that apartment began to stack up. You felt free, and light in a way you hadn’t for so long.

You called your friend, telling them everything that had happened. They were sympathetic to what you had to go through, but they also reinforced that you had made the right choice to leave. You could only agree. They kept you talking as you made the long drive to their house. It was a route you had memorized well from all the times you had fled there.

You were confused when you heard another call coming in. Sparing a glance at your phone, you were less surprised to see his name on your screen for a second time. Looking at the time, you knew it was because he was home, and likely he had already read your note.

“I need to go, I’ll call you back in a few moments.”

“Dick’s calling you.” It wasn’t a question. Your friend knew him just as well as you did by now. “Go ahead. You know I’ll still be here for you when it’s over.”

“Thank you.” They hung up the phone, and with a determination you didn’t know you had, you gathered yourself together and answered his call.

“Where are you?” He didn’t sound angry, and it managed to throw you off. You had been so used to hearing his anger, that hearing him now sounded almost completely foreign to you.

“I think we both know I’m not going to answer that.” Your voice was even, but you could feel your anxiety start to grow. This needed to be done, but actually having to do it was a lot different than talking about it.

“Please. I need to know where you are, so we can fix this.”

“I don’t see how there’s anything to fix. Did you know you called me earlier? I heard everything I needed to. I’m not going to keep doing this to myself anymore. Every time we fix things something else ends up breaking. I just can’t put myself through this anymore. I’m done.” You couldn’t feel yourself getting angry, which surprised you to some extent. You had been getting angry at him for so long now, that it just felt like you had expended it all already. You had no more anger to direct at him. Maybe this would have been easier on him if you yelled, screamed, cursed and threw insults you knew would hit every single nerve, but you just didn’t have the energy to expend on that. You were done putting so much effort into a relationship that was slowly draining the life out of you. Maybe the anger would come later, but right now, our voice was even when his was not.

“You were never supposed to hear that… any of that. Please just come back home, let me talk to you and explain.”

“I don’t know what can possibly be said at this point. Besides, that’s not my home, it hasn’t been for a long time now. Goodbye Dick, I hope they make you happier than I could.” You ended the call, blocking his number and continuing your drive. The road ahead wasn’t going to be easy for you, but you truly believed that the worst was now behind you.

#Dick Grayson #Nightwing #dick grayson x reader #nightwing x reader #Young Justice #Drabble #Angst

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crasherfly · 4 years

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Weekly Update

Welp, this aint Tuesday.

Tuesday, Tuesday Tuesday.

Imagine it already being almost Tuesday.

I know better than to think my pithy life updates will be worth the space come Tuesday, so here I am, on a Monday, keeping my appointment ahead of time.

I don’t have much life experience. Growing up in a small town in Iowa, I was shielded from pretty much anything consequential- very much by design. So I have a hard time relating to the potential rising storm on the other side of tomorrow.

Best context I can come up with is when I was in Florida for Hurricane Matthew. It was a storm that came out of nowhere, suddenly forming and then threatening the state on a scale best described as apocalyptic. I had about 24 hours warning that it was coming but still made the trip south anyway.

The night before landfall I stood in line at my hotel’s pizza place for 4 hours to order food. I rushed a shelf for what was left of the water and beer. I prepared to hold up in my room for days, if necessary, armed with these laughable supplies and my playstation. Had an actual crisis arisen, I would have been doomed. But I guess one ends up in this kind of position when they never believed in the crisis to begin with.

Walking back to my room, two giant pizzas and a pack of beer under arm, I listened to ROCK YOU LIKE A HURRICANE by The Scorpions. I tweeted the experience when I’d returned to my room, still seeking brevity in the face of very real danger.

I got lucky. The hurricane ended up being a non-factor for my inland location. By the afternoon of landfall I was out and about, snapping photos and enjoying the brisk breeze. Many other hotel patrons were doing the same. Within 24 hours my vacation was back on schedule as though nothing had happened.

I felt profoundly silly for waiting in line for pizza and beer, of all things. I felt a wave of banal regret as I considered the time I lost agonizing over whether or not to cancel my vacation outright. Once again, my midwestern sense of I TOLD YOU SO was reinforced- Midwesterners hate nothing so much as overreacting- you could tell your average bible-belt dweller that the sun is going to swallow us whole tomorrow morning and their reaction would be “oh, that’s just speculation”.

For us of the insulated interior, nothing seems real or consequential. A hurricane won’t touch us. We’ll never experience an earthquake. Forest fires and drought rarely reach our state lines. An army would never survive the march to our fields. Our cities are too small to house the stark disparity and disfunction of coastal cities- that’s not to say they’re well run or that such disparity doesn’t exist- it simply gets passed over, hidden more readily. And with each national crisis that passes us over, we become more and more hardened in the belief that none of this really matters, after all.

In 2016, I didn’t believe Donald Trump could be elected. I still remember going to my polling station Election Day morning, voting for Hillary Clinton, and returning to my car in all of 10 minutes. I had my voter sticker. I felt like I’d done my part to help maintain sanity for another 4 years. My favorite writers were braying and crowing of the pending landslide, a promise that we wouldn’t just beat Donald Trump, but that we would bury him. I, in my midwestern sensibility, believed it without question. I didn’t check the web or tune in to the news. I simply assumed things work out.

The morning after Election Day, of course, I learned otherwise, and for the first time in my life, my midwestern sense of security was not just challenged but shattered. Something consequential had happened, something that could reach me where I lived.

And of course, since then, things have continued happening- things that are impossible to ignore, impossible to fend off with pizza and beer and The Scorpions. In my own city, I’ve experienced Covid, economic shutdowns, business closures, protests both peaceful and violent, military-enforced curfew and more. We all joke about every year being it’s own special hell, but for many Midwest-bred folks, 2020 really has been the first year that we couldn’t just ignore.

Even so, others in more isolated parts of the midwest found a way to reason past it. I still remember two days after the election, talking to my dad on the phone, asking him how he’d dealt with past consequential political swings.

“Well, you just have to remember the sun will keep rising, and the president is just one person. Things likely won’t change much, and good people will stand up to him if things get too bad.”

Yeah uh. That advise...sage-like as he probably thought it sounded...didn’t...uh...hold up...very well.

It’s four years later and my dad is asking me if he should expect me to drive down to Iowa in the next week, concerned my city might become unsafe. I tell him that I’ll only leave if federal-backed boots are on the ground. My mom tells me in a conversation earlier this week that she believes a coup is possible and that the military will side with the current president. She says if that happens, she’s made her peace with god and expects the Rapture at any given moment.

It is wild how big a difference 4 years can make. I tell them both that they should certainly pray if it makes them feel better- but before they pray, they should vote.

Come the day after Tuesday, there will be no such thing as being too inland. And there will be no vacations to return to for a long, long time.

So here’s something I’m doing- I’m not drinking until Thanksgiving.

I started November as I had started it almost every other year- with a massive fucking hangover.

I woke up with cotton mouth, gagging for water and with a headache that is STILL hounding me on November 2nd. It was a nasty, ugly, full six pack IPA hangover. It was awful. Worth it, ‘cuz I had a fantastic night of friends and gaming, but also....ugh. I felt like death. I barely got out of bed. I didn’t work out. I ate a shit ton of Italian takeout. It was a waste of a day-after.

Now, we all know that clinically speaking, I’m at least a borderline functional-alcoholic. Anyone who’s been reading along with these blogs knows it, and I’m not shocking the world by admitting it. I’ve been tracking my drinking habits since JUNE and the numbers don’t lie. I drink. A. Lot.

And as I continue to strive for a healthier life- where I’m making wiser choices that allow me to both look and more importantly feel my best- it’s hard to ignore the elephant in the room- that drinking, by and large, has held me back from doing this. I have almost always traded the progress I’ve made from working out and eating well for far too many bottles of beer and sake.

Again, I’ve been tracking this since June- and the numbers tell a story that is frankly infuriating- huge gains in miles run, reps lifted, fruits and vegetables consumed, hours meditated- only to be marred by alcohol consumption habits that would leave me two steps back after a very difficult single step forward.

I don’t think I need to quit drinking forever, because that isn’t sustainable. But I do think that I need to rethink my relationship with alcohol. I need to consider why I drink it when I do. I need to think about why I drink as much of it as I do. I need to interrogate whether the benefits are really as necessary as my guts tell me they are.

So, with this in mind, I’m taking some time away from the bottles. I’m not doing anything fancy to keep myself on track- just an extra box on my excel sheet that asks me if I drank today or not. A little x and I go on with my night.

I look forward to reporting how I feel after Thanksgiving. Maybe nothing will change! Or maybe I’ll have some profound insights. If nothing else, I’m sure my organs will thank me. Here’s to trying something new and potentially healthy!

So now that the personal update is over, let’s talk some games and stuff.

Here’s what I’ve been playing this past week.

Valkyria Chronicles (Switch)

I had a serious turn-based strategy itch this week, so I finally reloaded Valkyria Chronicles with a goal of finishing it. Six-ish hours later, I’m still not done, having only completed two missions. But I’m having a blast, and that’s what’s important.

Valkyria Chronicles is a turn-based strategy game where you take control of a squad of anime soldiers who fight in a sort of sci-fi alternate World War 2. You control the action from an overhead map, zooming in to individual soldiers as you select them. After selecting a soldier, you can move them freely across the map and direct them to attack targets or take cover. You get a set number of “commands” per turn. After you run out of commands, the enemy takes their own turn. This continues until one side is wiped out or the win condition is achieved.

This is still my first run with the game, so I don’t have a full clear under my belt just yet. What I’ve played is deeply enjoyable, although slow. The AI’s turns take forever and often are difficult to parse out, filled with pointless moves for the sake of making moves. A number of missions contain objectives that just straight up aren’t fun, but still take a ton of time to accomplish. Many involve avoiding an unkillable enemy or chasing an incredibly fast target before it exits the map. These missions are a drag and often leave me feeling too fatigued to play more than one mission at a time.

The story doesn’t hold much impact for me, and occasionally I’m reminded that the cute anime soldiers are in fact putting a deeply attractive face on the horrors of war, and that dissonance occasionally takes me out of the experience. The characters are all well designed and the Squadron 7 troops were clearly rendered with the intent that everyone would be able to find a handful of favorites to roll with throughout the game. Even so, there’s nothing so deep as the systems later TBS games like XCOM2 or Fire Emblem: Three Houses would implement

That said, there’s just enough going on here to keep me engaged. And I deeply appreciate the lack of bloat- there’s no grinding or farming required to finish Valkyria Chronicles, which makes it feel lean and efficient compared to other titles. And although the story doesn’t do much for me, personally, I can see how others would find it very endearing. I look forward to finishing it soon enough.

Luigi’s Mansion 3 (Switch)

As you’ll see, this was a big weekend for my Nintendo Switch. I recently upgraded my memory card, which allowed me to finally download my entire library back onto my system. So I was able to finally revisit some unfinished projects, including Luigi’s Mansion 3.

The gist of Luigi’s Mansion 3 is that you’re Luigi, you’re in a haunted hotel, your pals are missing and there are ghosts to be caught. There’s some puzzles to be solved here and there, but a huge portion of your time will be spent holding down the vacuum button as you suck up anything that isn’t literally tied down.

As I spent some more time with Luigi across two floors, I was immediately struck by just how lovely the level design is. Each room is its own little shadowbox, holding surprises and hidden treasures for its players. Everything is just so...fun, so pleasing to look at and absorb...in a vacuum. You can tell that a lot of love and brevity went into building of this game, and every time I play it, it just makes me feel really...nice.

Luigi’s isn’t a particularly challenging experience, although occasionally I’ll run across a puzzle that I’m just too dull to figure out. I tend to tackle it at about a floor per play before going to something else.

Pikmin 3 (Switch)

I haven’t made it far through Pikmin 3, but what I’ve played has been very lovely.

In Pikmin 3 you play as a crew of space explorers who get separated after an accident. In their efforts to repair their ship and locate each other, they harness the powers and abilities of the Pikmin, native creatures with special powers who work together to accomplish tasks. Each mission takes place under a daily timer that works against you. When the timer runs out, day turns to night and your Pikmin run the risk of being devoured by predators. Because the Pikmin are adorable, you will often find yourself working equally hard to accomplish your mission tasks while striving not to lose even one solitary Pikmin.

I never caught this game on the Wii U, so I’m glad that it’s finding a second life so players like myself can enjoy it properly. I know a lot of people complain about all these remakes, but I think we all forget just how silly and limited the Wii U’s run really was. Even if the price for these years old games is steep, there’s still an audience out there who will find these experiences worth it. I guess count me among them.

Among Us (PC)

I’ve watched the girls of Hololive (EN) play this, but never had a chance to play it myself. It seemed fun, but I was never quite able to suss out just what exactly was happening. Gawr and Ame are lovely, but sometimes they lack on explaining just how what they’re playing works.

For Halloween I had the chance to play this game with 9 of my friends and it was an absolute blast.

The quick primer for those not familiar- you’re part of a crew that is scrambling to fix its ship. Human crew members get a list of tasks to finish. Impostor crew members get a list of fake tasks- and can also sabotage the ship and kill humans. If a body is discovered or a panic button pressed, every living crew member confers and debates on whether or not to airlock somebody. This is decided by popular vote. If too many humans bite the dust, the Impostors win. If the humans kill all the impostors or finish their tasks, they win. So, think like, the Press the Button game from Jackbox, or Battlestar Galactica.

Safe to say this is a game that will be a party mainstay for years to come. At five bucks and with cross-platform compatibility, it is also incredibly accessible.If you haven’t had the chance, get a few folks together and give it a shot. You might just love it.

NeoGeo Arcade Stick Pro

I have a deep love for mini-retro consoles. There’s this dream that I’ll hoard all these up and then someday be able to share gaming history with my little nephews and nieces, should they ever be allowed to look at screens. (debate pending on that one). To date, I have the NES Mini, SNES Mini, Sega Genesis Mini, and the Turbografx-16 Mini.

And now I have the NeoGeo Arcade Stick Pro. With 40 pre-loaded games and a heft bit of plastic, it is one of the most tactile mini-consoles in my collection.

Ever since joining Spriteclub, I’ve gained a new appreciation for retro-games, specifically fighting games like King of Fighters. It occurred to me that I’d never played with a home arcade stick before, so I did some research on what a good starting option would be. Sure enough, SNK had my back, and I found the Arcade Stick Pro.

With 40 games, half of which being 2D fighting games, you’ll not only gain a solid, multi-platform fight stick, but you’ll also have a good number of games to practice with. If you ever wanted ALL of King of Fighters or Art of Fighting, well, here they are.

There are a few quirks with this machine, however. 20 of the games have to be loaded separately via a USB stick for...reasons. Some of the games appear to be totally untranslated, and I have yet to figure out how to add more credits beyond the base number given. I’ll continue to tinker, but it seems like a shame that the fight stick would lack these features, whereas collections like the ACA releases on Switch feature translation options and unlimited credits. To say the least, being left at the mercy of the game’s difficulty level can be daunting, at best.

The stick itself is well constructed and the pad has a good weight that will feel secure on your lap or a tabletop. It does require an additional accessory if you wish to use it for your PS4, but otherwise should be ready for use with your PC or Switch without additional hassle.

The Arcade Stick Pro is a deeply cool peripheral with a few tradeoffs that would make an awesome gift for someone who loves retro-fighters or for a younger person who is looking to learn more about retro-gaming in general. It’s also a cost-effective solution for SNK fans who aren’t keen to spend $500 on SNK’s pending home arcade machine, but still want an at home stick experience.

Oculus Quest 2

I’ve long looked at VR as just barely a step up from mobile gaming, with gimmicky technology and a library bloated with shovelware.

So it was a delightful surprise when I booted up the Oculus Quest 2 and found myself responding with a simple “woah”.

And that was just the setup screen.

The Quest 2 is a surprisingly immersive device with a big long list of caveats.

First, we’ll address the most obvious concern- yes, facebook activation is required, unless you’re a particularly clever sort.

Second, the VR tech itself is impressive. I have bad vision, worse than most, and yet I was able to mostly acclimate to the headset with little issue. But the picture was rarely fuzzy or out of focus and the experiences I partook in were immersive and satisfying. The base audio is a bit quiet, but does the job, and the lens focusing isn’t as big of a hassle as I figured it might be. Replacing parts on the Quest is easy enough, and the set doesn’t feel too heavy on my face.

Now for the caveats. The battery life on this thing is incredibly short. Maybe a couple hours at best. The controllers use AA batteries, so that’s worth considering as well. Everyone will be able to hear what’s blaring on your headset speakers, so investing in earbuds may be a need depending on your household. Finally, purchasing the infamous Elite Strap is a necessity- the straps included on the Quest 2 are woefully insufficient for securing the headset to your face. There are also additional fitted faceplates that might be of necessity as well, depending on the shape of your face.

The game library is also seemingly smaller than I’d ever guessed. There are ways to link this thing to your PC, but it requires a bit more fuss than most people will want to bother with. Even then, word on the street is that it is the sort of solution that is deeply reliant on a strong wired internet connection and an able-bodied PC. Those will be deal-breakers for many people.

I’ve played Tetris Effect, Superhot, VR Chat, and spent a great deal of time with various streaming apps including Amazon Prime, Netflix and Mozilla Firefox.

Tetris was a bit too intense for me. Lots of flashing lights, a pulsing soundtrack and vibrating controllers became a near overload for me. Superhot was really, really cool. I felt like I was in The Matrix, and the uncanny sense of grabbing and holding objects was a real “wow” moment for me. As far as shooters in VR goes, it appears to be the obvious winner. VR Chat is a deeply strange and silly world that seems to be populated exclusively by drunk and stoned men in their mid 20s who just need somewhere to scream problematic shit. But it’s occasionally good for a laugh and the worlds are tailor-made for VR.

The Amazon and Netflix apps are good stand-ins for people who genuinely miss the theater experience. The digital theater and lighting effects are nice touches and make you feel as though you’re having your own private screening. However, the stream quality is often a bit rough- you will likely not experience a 4K film any time soon- and the Quest’s battery life makes it unlikely that you will finish a film in one sitting.

Luckily, Mozilla’s app is here for those of us who want to watch things like Funimation, Crunchyroll or other services who don’t have an official app. With easy to scale windows and no registration fuss, the firefox app is perfect for VR browsing and a low-fuss stand-in streaming sans apps. I’ve watched everything from Twitch to Spriteclub to Crunchyroll in the Mozilla app with no trouble, and even found it deeply enjoyable, though I still might prefer my IRL television.

Ultimately, the Quest 2 feels like the first real “open door” that VR has ever had. More important than its pricetag is how simple it is to use. A short setup and you can just jump into an experience. Anyone from child to elder could acclimate to its simple to use UI. It leaves me hoping that it will catch, because although the experience feels a tad bare to me at the moment, I can see the potential for a vibrant and motivated community should enough people go through the door.

Outer Worlds (XBONE)

I didn’t mean for this to happen. When I booted up Outer Worlds, it was on my Samsung Galaxy Note. I was just testing the XCloud and wanted to see if a FPS could viably work on such a device. The answer was “barely”. But I was also intrigued by the remote download option- where I could direct my Xbone to wake up and download the game- all from my phone. I gave it a shot.

A week later I’m playing Outer Wilds, a game I don’t really like, yet holds my attention through sheer force of will- it’s too much like other games I loved- specifically, Fallout: New Vegas, so like it or not, I end up playing on and on.

I had remembered the devs crowing that Outer Worlds would let you kill anyone. Remembering and groaning at many of the game’s inconvenient side quests (hello, Parvati, and like, ALL of Monarch), I decided to put that claim to the test.

Why would I do this? Why play a game with the intent of killing every NPC? Isn’t that kind of dark? And...yeah. Kinda! I would like to say IRL, I’m not that kind of person. I’m deeply nonviolent. I believe in weapons control and demilitarization and I’m super conflict avoidant. But that’s the neat thing about games- you can be or do anything, explore any option, and it’s fine- it’s just a game. I still can’t get over how few people played the renegade storyline in Mass Effect. Like. Y’all. Seriously. Get out of your own heads and explore the dark side!

So from the minute my escape pod smacked down onto Terra 2, I carried out my senseless vengeance on anything and everything that crossed my path. What I learned was both surprising...and a bit annoying.

First off, you absolutely can kill everything you meet. I walked right into the Edgewater and cleaned that town out with nothing more than a pistol and some careful cover use. I then headed on over to the Botanical Labs and did the same exact thing. When all was said and done I headed to Groundbreaker and continued the rampage.

It was about at this point that the game starts to get really, really aggressive about you actually picking a side other than your own. First Phineas starts blowing up your DM’s. Then the Board. Then pretty much anyone else you encounter.

I didn’t stop to listen to most of them until I encountered the Board’s office on Groundbreaker. I had already laid waste to most of the Groundbreaker, but despite this, the guards from the Board’s embassy didn’t consider me an enemy, ‘cuz the board is their own faction with their own reputation system.

So instead of firing on them, I walked inside, a trail of dead Groundbreaker crewmen in my wake, and talked to the Board rep. Turns out the Board had watched me solve every problem I had with the barrel of a gun- and they approved of my methods.

For the first time in my playthrough, I was actually intrigued by the story. So I went with it, agreeing to run with the Board and play as the left hand of the Chairman. Maybe the evil story would be more intriguing that my first clear as the liberating hero.

Initially, it was. I went on an assassination mission on Byzantium and inadvertently bypassed a second mission, because, as the Chairman’s assistant so aptly put it- I “took care of the Emerald Vale problem prematurely”, meaning I had killed every mission relevant NPC up to this point.

But then the expected kicked in. The Board wanted me to go to Monarch, and surprise! -the mission the Board wanted me to do was the same damn thing as what Phineas would have had me do. I was tempted to start the shooting once again, but instead I just shrugged and went with it. I had played about 8 hours at this point, might as well see it through to the end. So my total kill intents petered out with me selling out to The Man. Go figure.

The surprise is that the game does acknowledge your efforts when you do go on a spree. After destroying all of Edgewater and the Botanical Gardens, the game gifts you a black skull and a short message congratulating you for chucking its story in favor of slaughtering everyone.

The NPCs who do get a word in edge-wise continually note previous locations and characters you take out. One of the most humorous moments is when ADA, the ship’s computer, tells you she is activating “EMERGENCY CONTINGENCY: THE CAPTAIN IS A PSYCHOPATH”.

The other surprise I had was at how little I missed...anything about the story. I recall very little about the initial side quests offered in my first run. I also felt very little in the way of remorse as I blasted away my rejected companions. A million years, we all fawned over Parvati and Max and Felix, among others. But...did they ultimately stand the test of time? I’m not so sure. All I really remember of them now is how they basically just made me do a billion fetch quests. And lord did opting out of those make me feel good.

And that was my main take away from my attempt at a total kill run- much of Outer Worlds felt deeply unnecessary- so much so that intentionally thwarting the game’s story and design felt deeply satisfying in a way I’m not sure the creators intended.

And that’s it!

If you haven’t already, please get out and vote.

And when you finish voting, go do something kind for someone you care about. Buy ‘em a pizza or write them a nice message or gift them a cheap game or offer to go on a walk with them. You can do anything, but at least do something. We are gonna need each other if we’re gonna get through this thing.

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claremal-one · 4 years

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Have Americans’ Views On Race Relations And Police Brutality Changed Since Ferguson?

Welcome to FiveThirtyEight’s weekly politics chat. The transcript below has been lightly edited.

sarah (Sarah Frostenson, politics editor): Over the past week, there were a number of demonstrations across the U.S., protesting the death of George Floyd, a black man who was killed by police officers in Minneapolis. Videotape captured a white police officer kneeling on Floyd’s neck, ignoring repeated cries from Floyd saying, “I can’t breathe.”

But while the majority of Americans (61 percent) think Floyd’s race played a significant role, according to a Yahoo News/YouGov poll, there is less agreement on how people are processing the protests. Fifty-one percent of Americans in that same poll described the unrest in Minneapolis as “mostly violent riots,” while just 10 percent described it as “mostly peaceful protests.” A quarter said it was a mix.

In many ways, what happened in the wake of Floyd’s death — the police officer was charged with third-degree murder and second-degree manslaughter on Friday — felt like a watershed moment in how the majority of Americans view deaths at the hands of police. Police chiefs across the nation condemned what happened, as did many conservative news personalities, but in the aftermath of the protests, there has been, as Wesley Lowery of “60 Minutes” describes, a desire to ascribe “simple narratives to explain complicated realities.” In other words, the protests may risk dividing Americans along familiar partisan and racial fault lines.

The subject of race relations in America is complex, but what can we say, at this point, about what has happened as a result of Floyd’s death? Are Americans reacting differently from how they did in 2014, after Michael Brown was shot and killed by a police officer in Ferguson, Missouri? How have Americans changed — or not changed — on issues of police violence and racial relations since then?

To start, how is this moment different?

john.sides (John Sides, political science professor at Vanderbilt University): If anything, Americans have become more pessimistic about race relations, according to Gallup polling conducted before Floyd’s death.

Gallup has asked since the early 2000s whether relations between white people and black people are good or bad. And among African Americans, the percentage who said “very good” or “somewhat good” fell from 66 percent in 2013 to 40 percent in 2018. Views among white Americans are also less positive than they were in 2013, but they’re still higher than views among African Americans, as you can see in the chart below.

maggie (Maggie Koerth, senior science writer): I see some big differences in how white people, particularly conservative white people, and police officers are approaching Floyd’s death. I first noticed that earlier last week, when conservative family members started reaching out to tell me they agreed with the protesters and thought the police officer responsible for Floyd’s death should be arrested, including the officer’s colleagues who stood by and watched without intervening. And now we’ve seen things like police officers in other cities taking the knee … something I couldn’t have imagined happening a year ago.

clare.malone (Clare Malone, senior political writer): A couple of things are at work: 1) The video of Floyd’s death is pretty unambiguous. We know what happened. That wasn’t the case in the death of Michael Brown in Ferguson, and in some other high-profile deaths by police. 2) We’re in the midst of an unprecedented pandemic and economic meltdown. Floyd himself was allegedly trying to use a counterfeit $20 bill, and I think a lot of people see the protests over his death as indicative of the spot we’re in. People have been grappling with death for months. They’re angsty and in lockdown, social distancing to slow the spread of the coronavirus. There are a LOT of emotions swirling in America.

sarah: Right, there’s both this unprecedented moment we’re in, as Clare says, and the fact that views on race relations in the U.S. had already taken a sharp downturn after 2014 during Obama’s presidency, after both the grand jury decisions in Brown’s and Eric Garner’s cases found the police officers not guilty. And as John pointed out earlier, these numbers haven’t exactly bounced back either.

perry (Perry Bacon Jr., senior writer): People see race relations poorly because the Black Lives Matter movement really gained prominence in 2014, Trump emerged as a presidential candidate the same year, and we’ve had racialized conflict ever since.

In other words, people see race relations as poor because they are poor!

The news media is also covering these conflicts in the frame of race conflict a lot, unlike it did pre-2014.

clare.malone: Yeah, there’s probably more nuance in the coverage of these protests and deaths.

maggie: Than previous ones, you mean? I’d agree with that, for sure.

clare.malone: First, we’ve now had a few years of these videos that make people — namely, white people — who aren’t as intimately acquainted with police violence, feel some digital proximity to those events. They are emotionally tugged. And they are then intellectually tugged into the conversation, and then, finally, in an activist way, tugged into actual protests. We’re basically seeing a maturation of the conversation, in part because more people have become aware of the issue and then, I think, the media has matured (slightly) in its coverage.

And what I mean by that is that there’s more awareness of what it means to call something a “riot.” There’s more talk about what motivates looting/anger/violent reactions to police in a protest.

I don’t think you get that without America having had a few years of just seeing these videos over and over again. It’s horrific that we’ve had years of videos of these deaths at the hands of police. But I think that it has made the problem more understood.

maggie: There’s also an element of the heavy-handed response against the press having an impact on how the protests are covered. It’s one thing to be a local TV news reporter covering Black Lives Matter protests in Minnesota a few years ago and framing them largely as a rude, maybe scary, inconvenience. (Which is what I, as a local citizen, saw the media do.) Now, though, when the police are shooting reporters with munitions live on TV, well … the conversation changes.

sarah: Yeah, this piece from Slate caught my eye because, while it pointed out that the police’s public response to Floyd’s death has been different — police officers have condemned the officer and called for him to be charged — the overall police response to protesters hasn’t actually been all that different.

maggie: Yeah. We just published a story on Monday with The Marshall Project, about how difficult it is to change police norms when it comes to dealing with protests — even in the face of 50 years’ worth of evidence.

clare.malone: Of course, you’ve also got forces like the Sergeants Benevolent Association in New York City that feel pretty free to put some nutty stuff/rhetoric out there too …

john.sides: This is not my area of expertise, but there is research indicating that police respond more harshly to protests that are specifically reacting to police brutality.

sarah: What do we know so far about how Americans are reacting to the protests, though?

john.sides: Attitudes toward the protests are mixed. That Yahoo News/YouGov poll you mentioned earlier, Sarah, showed big differences in people’s views of the protests. For example, 33 percent of Democrats described the protests in Minneapolis as “mostly violent riots,” but 73 percent of Republicans said this.

There were also pretty big differences in whether respondents said the riots reflected genuine desire to hold police accountable versus just a long-standing bias against the police. Republicans were 43 percentage points more likely to say it’s just bias.

clare.malone: Yeah, I mean, I’ve even seen the police described as “counterprotesters.”

sarah: It is definitely a weird and troubling dynamic that the organization/people being protested (i.e., the police) are also the ones responsible for ensuring the safety of the protesters.

clare.malone: Right, the protests are about police violence. Yet, in some instances, police feel personally (and physically) attacked by protesters. There’s also an element of politics here, though, in that the police in the Trump era have been talked about more and more as a Trump constituency — the law-and-order constituency — and maybe been given great authority as a result. But then some cops dismiss the protesters as just part of a political dynamic (on the left) that sees them as the enemy.

It’s troubling when the government has a monopoly on legalized violence and that the wielders of that violence — the police — aren’t in many, many cases exercising it in moderation. The videos of police cars ramming protesters, the pepper-spraying of people who aren’t being violent, etc. It’s a bad dynamic.

john.sides: The protests are exactly the kind of event where you’re going to see these differences play out by party and race, too. They’re diffuse events, varying within and across cities. Additionally, it is not always clear what is happening and who is responsible. Are these people looters or political protesters? So ordinary Americans are going to take cues from news coverage and their party’s political leaders to make sense of events.

sarah: Yeah, that Yahoo News/YouGov poll seems to point to this quite clearly. Although Americans have shifted from 2014 in how they view police violence, they still rely on their partisan lenses when it comes to thinking about the unrest that has resulted. Do we have a good explanation for that disconnect?

john.sides: It is one thing to ask Americans about an event with such clear video documentation, like Floyd’s death. That helps to eliminate ambiguity, and it’s why Americans of both parties agree with the firing of the officers involved, according to that same poll. But when it comes to the larger issue of police treatment of African Americans, there’s a lot less agreement. For example, on the question of whether deaths of African Americans during encounters with police are isolated incidents or part of a broader problem, 84 percent of Democrats say it’s part of a broader problem compared with just 32 percent of Republicans.

sarah: Right, and this poll from Ipsos MORI found a strong racial divide as well. Seventy-eight percent of black Americans polled said they didn’t think white Americans understood the level of discrimination they face in their lives.

Has this disconnect on racial relations in the U.S. — especially between white and black Americans or between Democrats and Republicans — gotten worse since 2014? Or has it remained about the same?

john.sides: Overall, attitudes about race line up much more with partisanship than they used to. Democrats and Republicans increasingly disagree on crucial questions like how much racial inequality is due to structural forces like discrimination. What my research with Michael Tesler and Lynn Vavreck found is that views on issues like racial inequality were one of the key factors that better predicted vote choice between Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton in 2016. We found this played an even larger role than it did in 2012, predicting vote choice between President Obama and Mitt Romney. And that probably had to do with the fact that the 2016 campaign focused a great deal on racial issues.

clare.malone: The idea that eight years of a black, Democratic president helped accelerate voter awareness of where the parties stood on racial issues is fascinating. And the fact that Trump made a lot of racial subtext in the past four years has done a lot to keep the focus on race in politics and what that means for both parties.

perry: Right, in some ways believing that there is structural racial discrimination is part of being a Democrat now.

john.sides: And it really didn’t use to be this way. Tesler has done some important work on this, finding that there were larger party divides on whether “12 Years a Slave” deserved an Oscar than on the 1995 O.J. Simpson verdict.

sarah: Let’s shift gears a little and talk about the administration. There’s a lot of coverage on how Trump has been notably silent as protests raged outside the White House and across the country. But on Monday, he berated governors for not being tough enough, telling them they have to step up the military response against the protesters and “dominate.”

Clare wrote on Friday about how some of Trump’s law-and-order rhetoric might be shortsighted here in 2020. So where do we think the conversation is headed next?

Biden has his own complications with taking black Americans for granted, as we saw in his interview with the Breakfast Club host Charlamagne tha God. And even President Obama was criticized for not doing enough in response to the Ferguson protests in 2014.

What are the political fault lines here moving forward?

perry: Biden will probably tread carefully — he is trying to stay near what he thinks is the center of the electorate, so that means he will probably want to try hard to not offend the police or black people. I wouldn’t expect his comments on Floyd’s death to resonate with the protesters, though. They seem to be younger and more liberal and want aggressive, transformative rhetoric and policies.

All of this probably does affect his campaign, though. For instance, it’s probably hard for him to pick Sen. Amy Klobuchar as his vice president now. She is being criticized for refusing to file charges against police officers who killed civilians when she was the top prosecutor in the Minneapolis area. So it is hard to imagine Biden choosing her as his running mate given the firestorm around criminal justice issues in her home state. Not to mention that some prominent black Democrats, even before Floyd’s death, were already wary of Klobuchar.

Biden himself will also have to speak about issues of racial inequality more, and he may not be particularly effective at that.

john.sides: Biden will likely turn this into another attack on Trump’s leadership, though — similar to his attacks on Trump’s handling of the coronavirus pandemic or the economy. You could imagine him talking about how Trump sat in the bunker with the lights off at the White House and chastising him for trying to blame everything on governors. Biden has already highlighted his willingness to talk directly with the protesters rather than hunkering down.

And that poses a challenge for Trump. He talked about ending American carnage in his inaugural address. But how does he campaign when the carnage has only grown worse since he became president?

It’s not that Trump is directly responsible for the smashed windows or fires. It’s just that Americans sometimes blame incumbent officeholders for a wide array of problems, even ones out of their direct control.

maggie: So Trump is more likely to be punished electorally for the fact that disruption is happening generally than for anything he specifically did or did not do about it?

perry: I think, like COVID-19, it is really hard to see all of this mattering much electorally. The polls are just not moving much. I don’t think voters are learning a ton of new information about Trump from this.

clare.malone: For Trump, his lack of response to this — a death that people of both parties see as unjust — is more an example of the leadership void people have been seeing from him on COVID-19.

john.sides: Figuring out the exact electoral impact is hard. There is evidence that violent protests may have hurt Democratic nominee Hubert Humphrey in 1968, even as nonviolent protests helped him (and may have given a long-lasting boost to Democrats). But research on the violent protests after the Rodney King verdict in 1992 found that the protests moved public opinion in a liberal direction. We just don’t have a lot of cases to generalize from. Moreover, as Clare and others have rightly pointed out, Trump is the incumbent here, which complicates the analogy to 1968.

sarah: Right, it’s hard to know where things will go from here, but it certainly seems as if Floyd’s death is a turning point in the conversation around police brutality. It’s just an open question of where we go from here.

from Clare Malone – FiveThirtyEight https://ift.tt/36V91SU via https://ift.tt/1B8lJZR

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theliberaltony · 4 years

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