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#i got a bit rambly with him but whatever he was 15min late so we're even lol
opens-up-4-nobody
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1 year
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#the thing abt me is that if u complement me in an academic context i will melt
#me walking into every interview: fuck this school. i dont wanna go there. im sad. on one is gonna want me. i can hardly function. fuck this
#me walking out of every interview: fuck. the project is cool and they said nice things abt me 😭
#fuck. the guy from the lab i interviewed with basically said if u wanna be here i can make it happen. i like ur style and i think ur a
#super good candidate 😭 and he quoted my wanky writing bc i got a bit flowery and idealistic lol
#and hes on the admissions committee so he was like: yea i can support u if u want just let me kno
#and fucking hell the project is cool. but the thing is i think id have to be less of a sad sac bc i think he expects a lot and is hands off
#but it is a big institution with a lot of creative ppl and theyre good abt supporting interdisciplinary work
#so like the opportunities there would be pretty fucking great i think. hhhhhh god. theres no way i could take the uk one now
#fuck. wtf am i gonna do abt that? do i bow out now before ive committed so they have a shot with another person
#or is it too late for that bc they already put my name forward to the committee
#god dammit. this was the one i was supposed to b like yea no shot am i getting this. and now im like fucking considering it like
#the opportunities.... but id have to live in new jersey... it would b closer to home i guess. id b back on east coast time
#and i could work with Yellowstone organisms. and i bet the classes r pretty fucking rad education wise
#god. decisions. im gonna play Choices by the Hoosiers like a million times
#thats what i did wjen i was deciding to go for undergrad. and then i didnt even decide. i was just like... well i dont wanna go to the
#place all my classmates r going. i will go 3hrs away. then 12hrs by plane for my masters
#fuck. at least it went well. everyone was nice and the 2nd guy i talked to was like:
#even if u dont go here. email me if u end up working with zinc and i can help. and i was like 😭
#i got a bit rambly with him but whatever he was 15min late so we're even lol
#i was way too nervous. but it was ok. but also i dont understand wtf other incoming phd students r like??
#like they say im a good candidate and ive got good background and im like ??? what sort of losers r u looking at if u think im good?
#i just think maybe what i wanna do is unique and very specific so im like not trying to do just anything. i have standards lol
#and apparently im more coherent than i give myself credit for. i talk good sometimes and i have enthusiasm when i dont feel like im dying
#god. i was not expecting this. i dont belong at a school working with tech startups like wtf. i come from a place of slightly trash
#universities lol. well my undergrad uni wasnt so bad... well i mean the city is the butt of a lot of ohio related jokes tho. im looking at
#u klinger. fucking mean streets of toledo. whatever the school im at now is worse. couldnt even keep my boss here smh
#anyway what the fuck. and i got a lotta writing done today what the fuck
#me being competent???? unheard of. god. imagine if i had my shit together. i could kill god. algae and other scientists would fear me
#unrelated
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