#i feel limited in what the role requires of me vs what I'd like to make

[dylawas-reblogs]

me: yeah so we haven't had a meeting about it yet, but I asked my coworkers about past interns and why they left; chances are they won't hire me full time at my internship immediately. However, the chances of having it extended are pretty good, and I like what I'm doing, and they're going to be talking about budget in July. Sure my finances are a little tight but--

my sperm donor (only slightly exaggerated): look for a new job immediately and tell them if they won't hire you full time you're leaving. and no, I don't care if you don't find something in your industry and you have to settle for a job that will make you hate being alive even more than you already do. Also I'm going to ignore how long it took you to find this internship to begin with

me:

#dylawa rambles #dylawa rants #this man gives zero fucks about actually seeing me go into what I fucking trained to do he just wants me to make him money #i am literally sick to my stomach right now thinking about job hunting again #'i want to see you successful and happy' okay why are you still charging me rent then #why are you making job hunting even more of a traumatic experience than it already is #literally said to him 'I don't trust my chances of finding a new job within two months' and his response: 'oh well go work customer service #it took me MONTHS to find just this internship and it's a miracle it's paid at all #it's in a nice office with nice people and i have my own computer and they feed me almost daily! #i'll live another six months in this hellhole if it means I get a guaranteed post-internship job like this #is it the ideal job? absolutely the hell not #the commute sucks i don't have work from home so i can't get away with doing other shit on the side #i feel limited in what the role requires of me vs what I'd like to make #but good fuck it's better than food service or retail #but nooooo he needs me to be his little rent cash cow without him feeling guilty about it #very tempted to bail even if it means I start eating through my savings a little bit #I don't know if I can go through the daily interrogations of 'did you apply? why aren't you hearing back? it's your fault' again #i have somewhere to go but I'm trying to keep it very 'last resort' territory #A) it would make my current work commute twice as long #B) it would require completely burning bridges with my old man bc I'd have to move out in secret #not just because i don't want him to know where the people who are sheltering me live #but also because if he saw that place even if he was willingly letting me move out he'd say 'absolutely not' #because I don't trust him not to do something weird. not necessarily DANGEROUS but. weird. #I want to burn all bridges someday! #but even now that I own my car it's still not the safest course of action #I'm so sick of being stuck dawg! #dylawa vents