#i feel like a crappy person for this but ukno

[homestucky]

i need to have a nonsense rant because i need to say something bcaus its messing with my head (if u read all this u will probabky be like wtf why are u even thinking about that drama queen)

i been working on 4 courseworks over the past couple weeks and its been legit mad ive had two but deadlines the past 3 days and more to come 

also ive been looking for a house for a next year which has been rlly stressful a) because it just is, looking for houses is stressful, and b) because i really wanted to live with someone else and not with some of the people im living with now but i was terrified of upsetting people so that was an ethical dilemma (spoiler alert i just ended up not saying anything so next yr i will be living with my current housemates) 

anyways i tried to delegate responsibility because i was the only person trying to find somewhere for us to live but my housemates were barely doing anything which was annoying

anyways we went to view a house yesterday (which i found :^)) and afterwards one of my housemates who is like a really hard to read guy wouldnt say what he thought of it but eventually he was like yeah its good id happily live there

i told him to tell the truth and say somethng if he didnt like the house but he insisted he did

so i was like cool cool lets go for it

then my other housemate who exhausts me so much was like ‘but what if hes just saying that and he actually does mind’

and i was like well that would be on him wouldnt it because weve given him every opportunity to speak up 

and he was like but i would still feel bad for him if we went for the house and he lived there the whole year and hated it

and i was like yeah but itd be on him

and he was like no but see im an extremely empathetic person. like, its a curse. i cant help it. if people feel bad then it makes me feel bad

and rfor some reason it just made me so angry because like. this is a guy who is completely clueless, obnoxious, self centred and irresponsible. he doesnt know how people are feeling and if he is confronted with people talking about their feelings he responds really badly (weve argued about it before)

so for him to turn around and humblebrag about what a nice person he is just made me so angry like he upsets me and frustrates me so much and he cant even tell most of the time so to say like ‘see it might not bother you but see unlike you i actually have empathy’ it just like really upset me because it was such a lazy use of ‘empathy’ like he never actually has to deal with peoples actual real important emotions because he never makes any decisions and if people mention their feelings he essentially tells them to shut up and im over here doing my best for people and having to draw a line sometimes because i know that if you TRULY are sympathetic to everyone who ever had a bad feeling i really doubt you’d have the energy to worry about one of your housemates not getting their first choice accommodation wise like jesus some people are out here dealing with real problems and youre acting like a martyr bcaus u pretend to be concerned about fake surface level easy problems 

he refuses to take responsibility for anything real or important. ive basically been made ‘group mother’ bcaus of stuff like this which i never even wanted bcaus im so tired. like i do something for the group and hes like lol thanks mum ur so responsible anyways im gonna go get drunk and not answer my phone for 3 days like NO this is not for you!! im not looking after you!!! this is because someone HAS TO !! you can say see im just not that kind of person im irresponsible haha lol but that is a CHOICE and sometimes people ask things of you and sometimes you have to take responsibility and youre there with a doctors note like sorry i cant do anything of use its because of my inherent personality that i cant change

does he think i want to be doing this? making these decisions? does he think that answering peoples messages is something that he inherently, medically, is incapable of? becuase he is making DECISIONS in order to be this way and it makes me ANGRY

he always does this stuff that seems nice on the surface level but it always ALWAYS feels like its for show and it makes me so uncomfortable and i hate it. like when he cleans the house all while insisting he doesnt mind but then makes passive aggressive comments about how much he does for us under his breath for days i hate it

and he does stuff like light a candle for the memorial where a drunk student died last year every time we go past which is nice and all in theory but he always makes a thing of it like we will walk past and he’ll be like OH NO IVE FORGOTTEN MY LIGHTER. *no one responds* I WAS GOING TO LIGHT A CANDLE FOR THE GUY YOU SEE. or running off to i quote ‘feed a homeless guy a churro’ like idk its nice in theory and so i feel crappy being critical of these actions but there is a level of it where im like .. he only puts effort into good, kind ‘empathetic’ things which require little to none actual emotional labour, then acts superior about it like everyone else is a monster

so much of what he does is a front and i guess when its a front he uses to do nice things thats not the end of the world 

he just bothers me so much and i would love to not live with him but i also know that he doesnt know how much e bothers me and that i feel that way and i also know that he secretly is really sensitive (but i dont even think he knows he is) and he just constantly ‘’’’’’’’’mansplains’’’’’’’’’’ and corrects peioples grammar and he makes me so angry jashoferofnondcoamfcerfmperfihfouhqaofuh why do i make myself spend time with people who make me so unhappy 

#personal // sorry #some #caps lock #i feel like a crappy person for this but ukno

[wolfwhiteflowers]

fandom wank..stans and forumz..#spoilers

i keep posting of these things. I guess I keep messing it up. We’re human. ok.

im just all fed up with it. im tired of it. but hey it’s hiatus and i think it’s fine for now. Just gotta ignore the fandom wank or those stans/twitter(seriously twitter is the worst place to see the wank). really i don’t need the fandom that much ukno. just do stuff I enjoy. Just be me. Nice shippers are still around. The crappy shippers/stans are a few and loud.

I think there’s something with the two forums going on...with the C0nnie spoilers and shippers. It’s really weird.

first of all, i know people saying they’re stans like it’s a super fan and positive way. But really stans of somethings/someone, those stans are so annoying. I don’t think stans are a good thing. Or people who generalize and single out things of their fave and then trash others..is not cool. Most “shipwars” are about the shippers/grudges on the shippers. I don’t understand why some stans treat their faves like gods when eh their human/fictional. I also feel like I don’t know this fan. It reminds me of the show Bones, when Brennan’s cousin (sis) identity was like all about what and who Benjamin Franklin is. Um yeah I ..gotta stay away from twitter.

Sharing is caring. No one said you have to be a fan of one ship or one character. Generalizing a group of shippers will not make peace; u gonna make more fights. Block the crappy immature ones. It’s a story. Characters grow, writers may fail or have something great in plan. It’s not a game; a character doesn’t win/out-fame the world. It’s an ensemble show/Hollywood business. Anyway I’m tired of people shitting others when they don’t know them really. Sigh ..it just sucks. I like C ship and R ship but I can’t interact/talk anyone cos not a lot of people are fan of both ships or fan/openminded/not shitting of everyone. (but I guess that’s how fandom works.) Funny thing on the forum, if I wanna talk about R ship, the shippers don’t wanna see it.. or something. They’re thinking like stans already. They’re all generalizing or so. Idk.  The haters going wtf and the whole “liking post” thing ..kinda like some popularity drama. It all goes awkward. I mean for me it’s awkward to see it and don’t wanna join along the discussion. There’s the whole hive mind thing going/generalizing. I stg (twitter) drama is so weird and immature. It’s like a gang fight but like it’s story and everyone’s get their focus. (seriously i was talking about R ship on the forum and hoping it goes well and the other R shipper(this person is always rude btw) assumes I was being a fake and sarcastic. That sucks. And some fans have really bad anger issues..like I worry about them as humans ..they need to let it go. You don’t have to argue..be fools. Sometimes my hopes for a story or a ship doesn’t always come out the way I wanted and I just deal with it and move on. )

ok so idk some R stans are like must be d-con shippers or think C shippers are all the bad things when sldkfjlsj it’s just dumb competitive fighting and vs. Just stop. Why are people always wanna a win an argument. (be cocky and play victim). ugh wtf. Seriously I see both sides of those shippers and these people all are similar in their beliefs/politics irl.  Anyway, so I just think don’t get to invested in fandom/friends. Everyone got a list of different ships. 

And I think forums are like easily to get upset at. Everyone’s reading ur comment, people tend to want to argue/debate every little thing, and mods like no that’s off topic go here. Ugh. lol So eh forums.. Anyway ..so I’m just saying if ya wanna vent go to twitter or tumblr. idk. 

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Anyway I noticed T$DF is ukno anti Carol/Caryl most of the time. Most antis go there. And there’s the zone forum which is very pro Caryl forum. It’s like T$DF is missing out the C fans of the fandom and therefore missing some info. It’s weird. So when we’re getting more info that LR isn’t in s10B that much, the fans from the zone or/and, others who are thinking logically,(like they want facts and spoilers and not being shippy/biased), were getting frustrated that T$DF isn’t really saying that C*nnie isn’t in 10B that much. Usually people would put her in the death watch as in 50/50 way. Rosita was already talked about and stuff because of the actress’s show, but not C0nnie? So in a way, it’s like T$DF is being in denial or biased. I guess it is but still nothing really confirmed about C0nnie’s fate, and the spoilery fans already know in their heads that it’s 50/50 with her fate. So when the other fans and Carol fans who are just wanting to bring C0nnie’s fate up (in a logical way I’m assuming) because ep 8 and 9 are coming soon and to warn others I guess, but T$DF and antis don’t wanna hear it and assume the other fans (mostly Carol fans out about) are being petty and bringing it up because of the D ship, etc. When it’s like T$DF are being emotional about it and like being in denial. Yeah I also think the fans discussing in the death thread..it’s gonna be a rough thread to read in no matter what. People are gonna speculate ur fave will die. But *some people who said it, doesn’t mean they think they WANT that character to die. Some people are thinking with facts and spoilers about it and speculating ur fave will die. But whatever, I guess it’s depends on the group on the forum and how everyone treat each other. I think some fans from T$DF, who are C0nnie fans, already got info in mind and so it’s up to them to decide what to do with it. I don’t wanna keep mentioning it or bringing drama. They already know what’s up so, ok.

For me, I want to know the spoilery facts and keep it logically. Rip the bandaid. Being in denial isn’t gonna be good in the long run and for the fans. 

BTW, C0nnie was like 70% dead (with the Zone’s spoiler) but now with that reviewer’s tweet hinting? at Bowl’s filming summary post, and T$DF can’t confirm(doesn’t know it) the spoiler that Zone had. I guess it’s stuck in 50/50. so ok whatever. 

I’m gotta say a character dying in the mid season is the worst, I realized. It’s easy to fall into that trap of hoping and wishing for the fave to make it out. I’m glad Carol isn’t part of this death theory so far. I guess forums tend to be biased because of like what the group is like. 

#*fandomwank #k so i should do fanarts when i feel like it :P #btw my post is not about bowl's recent post today lol