#i couldve stayed in chinatown but i wanted more and i created the change i wanted to see

[sdfckz]

new job is so fucking hard but im Adjusting. im Adjusting......its really lucrative and worth it in the long run and ik that. new place doesnt feel quite like home yet but its so beautiful and fancy and nice, like TOO fancy and beautiful and nice. it feels like a hotel lmao. i keep thinking "i wanna go home" while sitting at home. feel restless and exhausted at the same time. change is always just hard even if its objectively for the better..............but challenges create growth etc etc etc and the job really pushes me out of my comfort zone so thats a good thing. gotta try n get used to more things that are difficult for me. objectively a rlly good job theres nothing bad about it except that its not what i wanna do in the longrun. ik im in the right place for right now. my best friends are about to have a baby soon too and they moved in right downstairs. gonna be my sisters bridesmaid. we're building more on the property. its really beautiful in the summer, theres lightning bugs everywhere u look and the stars are so bright. camping there is great. everythings okey.

#growing and changing for the better as usual. taking b12 has helped with the bad summer moodiness i get too. #im lost though........i wish i had clarity about what direction to go from here #gonna buy a car soon bc i can afford it... #but then what. idk what makes me happy #i dread every single job #i miss my old coffee shop job because that place really really felt like home to me #i could do every single thing backward forwards and with my eyes shut #not being perfect and knowing everything at my new job is making me feel kind of insecure #i just want the dust to settle so i can feel normal again. i did SO well this past year and now im facing discomfort again #but ive gotta accept it and just live with it. n thats what im doing #i got so upset that i called out for a week straight but after that i just accepted it and now its fine im just going forward #and its gotten easier. and its gonna keep getting easier as i adapt #my life has so much potential right now its extremely overwhelming. and making decisions for myself and myself only is crazy #but its also awesome because i CHOOSE to change. i couldve stayed at my old job but i left because i wanted more #i couldve stayed in chinatown but i wanted more and i created the change i wanted to see #i used to be so afraid of change and its still so scary but now i fully know that i have the power and control to create the life i want #i have total personal power and enough confidence in myself to embrace change #even though its so uncomfortable and scary #im genuinely proud of myself for the first time ever #ik it sounds corny and like im trying super hard to sound positive but thats the only thing getting me through this shit rn #im doing well and struggling at the same time #just pushing myself forward whether i like it or not