#his voice line saying happy birthday gives me the brain tinglies | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

thotantics · 6 years

Text

Broken Hearts Club

⚤ pairing — reader + Oh Sehun (exo)

✎ word count — 6.7k

✦ genre — slight angst, smut, porn WITH a plot

✗ warnings — graphic description of sex, alcohol use, strong language etc

[ A/N ] !!PART TWO COMING SOON!! SO I actually really worked hard on this. I made an outline, wrote a rough draft, edited this sucker and everything. I really hope you enjoy it. :)) (ps idk why I used Seokjin in this? he just felt like such a great crush to have idk sldkxduo) Requested — “Could he make you feel as good as I do?” + “We’re not just friends and you fucking know it”

As you sit in silence on Sehun’s bedroom floor, you look over at him. Tall and handsome, his limbs stretched out on his bed, taking up so much room you briefly wondered how he ever managed to fit a girl in there.

The intrusive thought was followed by a brief line of questions in your mind; what kind of girl he liked, how many different girls he’d had in that bed that seemed way too small for his big frame, and lastly you briefly thought to yourself that Sehun was probably a good fuck.

It’s nothing you hadn’t considered before. He’s gorgeous and he carries himself with this sort of quiet confidence that was definitely intimidating at times. Each movement from him seemed graceful and deliberate, it was easy for anybody to see that Oh Sehun was an attractive man.

Plus, you knew him very well. Having been friends for a couple of years, you had shared so many conversations that lasted late into the night - you knew he was supportive, intelligent, passionate, and that he valued your friendship. So when your brain conjured up a random, fleeting thought about Sehun trying to fit a woman into his bed that seemed too small, and then you thought about sex, your next thought pattern led to you skirting around a confession to your long time friend.

“Sehunnie…” You said carefully, attempting to gain his attention away from his phone. He lifted his eyebrows to acknowledge that he was listening, eyes still on the screen.

“If I tell you something, do you promise not to judge me?”

This caught his attention, and he looked over, sitting up slowly on the edge of the bed so he could focus on you. “Of course.” He replied simply.

Taking a deep breath, you let out the words you’d been holding on to for weeks, “I think I’m in love with Kim Seokjin.”

For a long while, Sehun was unreadable. You had hoped saying it out loud would somehow help you make sense of the way you felt, or figure out what to do about it, but looking at your friend’s unreadable expression you couldn’t help but regret ever having told him this in the first place. Besides, it wasn’t like your friendship together had any sort of basis in sharing these types of things with one another. He had never told you about any girlfriends or crushes or dates. It just wasn’t a topic either of you ever brought up and now that you realized it, you felt a little bit ridiculous for blurting it out.

You were about to apologize, to tell Sehun to forget you ever said anything when he finally spoke up.

“Why him?”

You hesitated, not really quite sure how to answer him. “Um. Well…he’s handsome but it’s…more than that. My heart kind of feels really warm and I get all tingly when I’m near him. That’s what love feels like, I guess. Right?”

Sehun laid back down in his bed and said in a bored tone, “I wouldn’t know,” before he grabbed his phone once more, “You hardly know the guy, though, I do know that.”

“I know him well enough.” You countered, “We’ve hung out.”

“Fine. So you’re in love. When’s the wedding?”

“I don’t appreciate the sarcasm.” You told him with a frown. “I was hoping you’d be supportive.”

“What do you want me to do? I don’t care if you have feelings for Kim Seokjin. Tell Kim Seokjin and let him do something about it. It’s none of my business.” And with that, he lifted his phone back in front of his face.

Clearly the subject made him uncomfortable. You attempted to apologize a bit later, but he dismissed your apology with a kiss to your forehead, a tender sign of affection that a man like Sehun reserved for special women in his life - you’d seen him kiss his mother and grandmother the exact same way, and it warmed your heart.

“Don’t worry about it.” He told you. “It’s just weird to think of you…never mind.”

“I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable.” You told him, “I just trust your opinion and I’ve just been feeling down because of this stupid crush.” There’s a moment of hesitance before you decide it couldn’t hurt to ask, “Do you think he could like me back?”

Sehun sighed heavily, “He’d be an idiot not to.”

A small group of mutual friends were having dinner and you overheard Chanyeol telling Minseok that Sehun had canceled at the last minute.

“What’s wrong? Is he ok?” You asked Chanyeol.

“I’m not sure.” Chanyeol admitted, “I think he’s having dating troubles or something. He’s just been quiet and kind of down lately.” He shrugged, “Whatever it is, you know how he gets when he’s down - he doesn’t open up easily, but he can handle it on his own.”

��Yeah.” You mumbled, “I hope so. I had a horror movie marathon by myself last week...normally Sehun joins me but he didn’t respond to my texts.”

“Next time text me.” Chanyeol nudged you with his elbow. “You never invite me over anymore.”

“Sorry, Channie, I’ve just had a lot on my mind lately.” You sigh.

“Are you coming to Namjoon’s party this weekend?” Chanyeol asked excitedly, “It’ll help take your mind off of things.”

“Actually, yeah.” You nodded, “I’d love to.”

Chanyeol texted you the info to Namjoon’s surprise birthday party later that night, and you found out the party was being thrown by Seokjin at his apartment. Work was stressful for the rest of the week, and in your spare time you started to think the party that weekend would be a good opportunity for you to confess your feelings to Seokjin.

You texted him to let him know you were coming and casually asked if he needed any help setting things up or maybe buying drinks or food. He replied back that he had everything under control, but he was looking forward to seeing you.

With your confidence boosted by his text, you decided to get yourself a really cute new outfit for Namjoon’s party. The night of, you were holed up in your bathroom for a solid two hours getting ready, but by the time you arrived at Jin’s apartment, you looked good, you felt good, and the atmosphere was perfect.

The place was packed with a lot of familiar faces as well as some people you didn’t know. You sought out Namjoon first, gifting him with the present you had gotten him and congratulating him on his birthday. Around you, people were dancing to music, voices were chatting, people were singing and laughing and drinking.

“Here,” Namjoon said, offering you a red plastic cup. “There’s food in the kitchen if you’re hungry. You look great tonight, by the way.”

“Thank you!” You smile, “Wow, Jin really went all out for your party, didn’t he?”

“Yeah, I was so surprised. I thought I’d get maybe a cake and six guys loudly and badly singing ‘Happy Birthday’ to me, I definitely didn’t expect all of this.” Namjoon said with a laugh.

“You deserve all of this and more.” You said, “You’re one of the nicest people I know, Kim Namjoon.”

He blushed, smiling shyly, “Thanks, Y/N.”

“I don’t want to keep you from mingling with your guests,” You said, nodding over his shoulder at someone you didn’t recognize approaching to get his attention, “Happy Birthday again, Joonie.”

“Thanks, Y/N! Have a good night, come and find me if you get hungry, I think I’ll mainly stick to the kitchen.” He laughed, “Taehyung bought the biggest cake I’ve ever seen, it’s like five tiers!”

Laughing, you watch as Namjoon heads to the kitchen with the person who approached him across the room, bragging about the aforementioned cake with big, exaggerated hand gestures. Shaking your head fondly, you turn and briefly scan the faces around you before you head out of the room to look around for the host of the party, the broad-shouldered man who had been running through your mind so frequently for the last few months.

Your stomach is in knots and your head is a little dizzy already, a side effect of your nervous state but the alcohol definitely wasn’t doing you any favors. You finish your first drink and are nursing your second before you find Seokjin. He was out on the balcony with a few others, and you begin to approach him when he spots you and excitedly turns to the person next to him.

“Hey! Babe, I want you to meet my friend!” Seokjin motioned you over, and gestured to the woman on his right. “Y/N, this is my date, Jiwoo, Jiwoo, this is Y/N.”

Your heart sank. Your throat constricted. You reach forward to shake hands with the attractive young woman that Seokjin was proudly introducing you to. “H-hi,” You managed to choke out, “How are you?”

“Hi, I’m fine, and yourself?” She replied, smiling pleasantly at you.

“You two would be really good friends,” Jin told his date before you could stutter out a reply to her. “You remind me of each other.”

Jiwoo smiles sweetly at you, and she chuckles when she speaks to you next but you don’t hear her. Whatever she said made Seokjin laugh and he tucked one arm around her waist. “Ah, really, that’s why Y/N has always been such a good friend, her sense of humor reminds me so much of yours, babe.”

You were spiraling, the alcohol in your bloodstream was probably making this whole situation a lot worse than it actually was, but all you knew for sure was you needed to get out of there, to get away from the two of them, and now. Jiwoo spoke again, teasing Jin and asking if he had a crush on you, but before you could even attempt to try and listen to him respond, you interrupt.

“E-excuse me.” You stuttered, “I-I have to…to…” Unable to form any more coherent words, you rush back inside the apartment. The buzz of the party-goers around you was giving you an instant headache. Tears were welling up in your eyes and your throat was so tight it felt like your breath couldn’t escape your lungs. Your vision seemed to be tunneling, and you worried for a moment that you might actually pass out. Scrambling past the people in your way, you made your way up the stairs and into the farthest bathroom, away from the noise.

You shut the door and immediately slumped over the counter, sobbing so hard your entire frame was shaking. The sorrow made your ribs ache. Seokjin could have liked you, but you were too late. He compared you to his date, and was so enthusiastic for you to meet her. If you had stayed long enough to hear him respond to his date’s joke about having a crush on you, it would have ruined your self-esteem to hear his denial. Or even worse, if he had admitted he had a crush on you and that you really had been too late, you would never forgive yourself. The hurt was piercing you so deeply that you wondered if you could ever be friends with him after this. Your knees weren’t strong enough to hold you, and you sank onto the edge of the tub, burying your face in your hands, and you cried your heart out.

Sehun had only just walked in the front door when he spotted you weaving through the crowd, tears welling your eyes, the expression on your face easy for him to read, but even still he didn’t imagine he would open the bathroom door to find you perched on the edge of the tub, shaking as heavy sobs left your frame. The sound of the door alerted you, and you lifted your head, meeting his gaze. He saw the pain in your eyes, bloodshot and puffy, your makeup smeared all over your face, your hair in tangles.

“What happened?” He asked, shutting the door and dropping to his knees in front of you, “Did someone do this?” You weren’t answering his questions fast enough, sniffling, wiping your cheeks off on your sleeves, “Talk to me.” He encouraged you gently, fear beginning to well up inside of him.

“I was going to confess to Seokjin.” You told him regretfully, “He’s here with someone else. She was teasing him about having a crush on me and I-I just…I had to get out of there.”

For a few moments, Sehun just sat there in front of you, staring up at you while you attempted to wipe your face clean on your brand new clothes, angry you spent money on a confession you never even got to follow through on. After a while, you meet his eyes, feeling vulnerable.

“What?” You ask him quietly.

“You’re really up here hiding away in a bathroom, looking like a complete mess, because you didn’t get to confess a crush to some guy you barely know?” Sehun asks you, and when you stare at him sadly and don’t respond, he pulls away from you, standing and pacing to the other end of the bathroom, “Jesus Christ, you cannot be this stupid?”

Frowning, you tell him defensively, “You don’t have to be so mean about it.”

“Oh, princess, trust me, I’m not being mean. This is not mean. This is me asking you, sincerely, if you’re a fucking idiot or not.” Sehun pointed a finger at you, “I followed you in here because I thought something bad had happened. I thought someone hurt you! I didn’t know you’d be in here throwing a little cry-baby temper tantrum because the boy you like has a new girlfriend.”

“Stop being so mean!” You snap at him, “It hurt my feelings, and you’re making it even worse, ok? So just stop!”

“Aw, are your feelings hurt? Well I’m sorry. But guess what? You hurt me the same way that Kim Seokjin hurt you, but I didn’t run off to the bathroom to hide and cry like a little brat. I still showed up tonight, didn’t I? I was hoping to put it past us. I’m being mature and trying to move on. I was hoping you could see that I’ve gotten over it, that I’m over you, that I-”

“Wait, woah, stop.” You cut him off, holding up your hands, “What the hell are you talking about? You’re over what?”

Sehun scoffs, rolling his eyes, “Yeah, ok.”

“Seriously.” You insist, “I don’t know what you’re talking about, how did I hurt you? It wasn’t on purpose, Sehunnie, you should know that…we’ve been such good friends for so long, I would never intentionally hurt you-”

“We’re not just friends and you fucking know it.” Sehun snaps, this time cutting you off before you could finish. You stare at him with big eyes, sadness still evident in them, and as he looks back at you, he realizes one big mistake that he’d made. You were looking up at him with sadness and tenderness in your watery eyes, realizing only at that moment how you felt was how Sehun had been feeling since you admitted your feelings for Seokjin to him. Everything suddenly made sense - his attitude and his absence since that night, the way he was upset with you now. And you feel like a complete idiot for not having figured all of this out sooner.

“I thought…” You begin, your voice small and cracking a bit, so you clear your throat. “I thought we were best friends.”

“I never wanted to be your friend.” Sehun tells you, “I always wanted to be with you.”

Feeling guilty for assuming the worst, for being bitter and angry thinking that you knew all along of his feelings for you and simply didn’t care about hurting him, Sehun moves to sit on the edge of the tub with you, and he gently takes your hand.

“We are best friends.” He assures you quietly. “I love the time we’ve spent together. I’ve been missing you a lot lately, even though hearing you were in love with someone else was really…hard for me to deal with.”

“I’m sorry for hurting you.” You tell him, fresh tears falling down your face now but these ones weren’t for Kim Seokjin, these ones were for Sehun, and he feels the full weight of each droplet fall heavy on his shoulders.

“I really didn’t know.” You insist between sniffles, “I mean, you never really, like, flirt with me or anything. You’ve never told me how you feel. I’m so sorry, Sehunnie, I feel awful.”

He turns and lifts your shoulders, preventing you from slumping down and crying harder, and he cups your cheeks in both hands, swiping under your eyes tenderly with his thumbs, “Don’t cry.” He tells you, “You’ve done enough of that.”

“But I feel so bad.” You tell him, sniffling and trying hard to fight back your tears as his hands move to tuck your hair behind your ears. “I really am stupid, aren’t I?”

“No, no, no, don’t say that. I shouldn’t have said that...I was just angry. I’m sorry.” He sighs heavily before he continues with a defeated tone, “I didn’t flirt with you. Not because I wasn’t into you, because I was...so, so much. I was just trying to show you that I was interested in more than just hooking up or whatever. Do you think I treated all of my friends the way I do you?”

You shrug your shoulders, “I don’t know, I never really thought about it. I just…enjoyed your company. I never second guessed your actions or your words. I always took everything at face value and…god, Sehun, you should have told me.”

He laughs lightly, easing the tension some, which you’re grateful for. “I wouldn’t stay up all night long talking to Junmyeon on the phone.” He points out, “I don’t let Jongin lay in my lap, I don’t try to braid Chanyeol’s hair.” You laugh at the mental picture all of that conjures, and Sehun smiles sweetly at you. “Ah, you really are a stupid girl, aren’t you?”

You shove his chest lightly, “Give me a break.”

”I have!” Sehun insists , “So many times!” He tosses his hands up exasperatedly, “Other than out right yelling directly in your face that I’m in love with you, I tried everything I could think of to make you feel special to me, because you are.”

At this, you stare at him in awe, nearly on the verge of tears again. Sehun looked vulnerable for the first time since you met him - maybe he hadn’t meant to let that word slip out, but you could tell that he meant it, and even though it made your heart soar, it was breaking, too.

“You love me?” You ask him quietly, unable to form any other coherent words, and he looks down, glancing away from your face nervously.

For a while, he doesn’t answer you, and you were feeling the guilt piling up. It was clear that you had hurt Sehun deeply, obviously much more than this silly, immature encounter with Seokjin had hurt you. You were about to start apologizing all over again when he spoke, under his breath and without looking up at you.

“Do you remember that day I had off last year, when you needed a ride back from the airport? I was exhausted. I had been working hard the whole time you were away, it was my only day off, and I picked you up from the airport and took you to dinner?”

You nod your head, remembering that day very clearly. Sehun had been so tired, physically and mentally, but you hadn’t been back home to Seoul in over a month and the two of you had been so excited to see one another, despite your late arrival, you went out for dinner and stayed up almost the whole night.

“I must have tried to kiss you a hundred times that night.” He recalls with a soft smile, his eyes lifting to meet your own, to gauge your reaction. The regret was clear in your eyes, the subtle, natural pout to your lips was tempting to kiss away, but Sehun held back. Instead, he gently reaches out and strokes your cheek, his thumb lightly trailing down to brush your lips instead, unable to resist the plushness.

“You should have kissed me.” You breathe, wishing more than anything you could somehow turn back time and change things.

“I guess so.” He sighs, his hand dropping from your face and back to his side. “I’m not the kind of man that easily opens up about the way that I feel.” He says, “You know that already.”

“I know.” You murmur sadly.

“What I tried to do, all along, was show you with my actions how I felt. Feel.” He says carefully, “How I…have felt and still feel…about you.”

You gulp, feeling stupid and small that this whole thing was playing out like this. It was your fault, you could see that now. You knew Sehun well enough, after all the time you spent together, that if you had really been paying attention, you would have noticed. Looking back on it now, it’s clear to you how oblivious you had been and how negligent you were of his feelings and the way he treated you.

“I can’t take it back,” You tell him regretfully. “I feel like the worst person in the world because I couldn’t see it, but I can’t change that. I’m sorry.”

For another long moment, you’re both silent, shyly and almost mournfully regarding one another. Neither of you knew what was coming next, but you were certain that Sehun could see your heart pounding in your veins, you were so nervous. Would your friendship be ruined by this? Could you return to normal somehow, or were you expected to find a new normal to adjust to? If so, what did that entail?

All these thoughts were swimming in your head, fueling your anxiety, making you want to cry all over again, but there was only one thought in Sehun’s head in that moment. He was staring directly at your lips, the way they turned down and looked especially full and pouty. He couldn’t stop thinking about kissing you, but he was holding back, afraid he would drive you away.

“You’re the best person I know, Y/N,” Sehun tells you gently, cupping your cheek softly, his heart bursting with warmth when you nuzzle into his touch slightly. “Maybe in the beginning, I was too afraid to make any real moves, I’ll admit it. After some time, I subconsciously was trying not to ruin our friendship. We both made the same mistake. You were too late to confess to Seokjin and I was too late to confess to you.”

“It’s not too late.” You tell him, your chest aching like your ribs were going to open up and offer him your beating heart. “You told me, I know now. It’s not too late.”

He starts to argue with you, but you cut him off, shaking your head, “It took us this long because maybe you were too afraid in the beginning and maybe I was too clueless this whole time, but it’s not too late if I know now. It can’t be...please don’t let it be too late, Sehun, I-I don’t think I could bear it.”

There’s a fire igniting in his belly, and Sehun sees the way you’re looking at his lips, and he doesn’t make the same mistake he made countless times in the span of your friendship - this time, he cups your cheek, his thumb brushes your bottom lip, drawing it down and pressing gently into the softness, and then he leans forward and presses his lips to yours. His kiss is gentle and hesitant, coupled with your trembling hands reaching for his shirt, clinging to the bottom hem desperately. Just the slightest pressure from his lips, no movement, no tongue, but he takes a breath in and it feels like he’s drawing it directly out of your lungs, and you shift forward just a little closer, trying to mold against him.

You part your lips, inviting him to deepen the kiss, but instead Sehun pulls away. He looks down at you with all the love and adoration in the universe shining out from his eyes before he moves back in, his eyes falling shut as he meets your mouth again. This time, he moves. Soft as silk and slow as he can stand. He smooths his lips repeatedly over yours before he finally deepens the kiss, pressing his tongue past your lips.

With his hands gently cradling your face, he tilts your head to the side a little, and you moan into his mouth as you taste the beer from your tongue and the passion on his lips. Your hands, now fisted and twisting the bottom of his shirt, were just about to trail down and feel the smooth skin of his stomach when Sehun pulls away from you again.

He chuckles because you groan in protest, but he still holds onto your shoulders to keep you steady and hold you an arms length away from him. He’s struggling already to catch his breath, but he’s looking at you intently, trying hard to focus.

“You’re drunk.” He states regretfully. “This isn’t the way I wanna do this, Y/N.”

“Sehunnie, I’ve barely had two drinks, and anyway, we’ve already wasted so much time.” You remind him, tugging lightly on his shirt and he gives in easily, letting you press up against his chest again, “Kiss me.”

He indulges you for a moment, pressing his lips firmly to yours in a chaste kiss before he looks down at you, his brow furrowed in concern. “I’m not trying to hook up with you tonight, Y/N. I don’t want that.” For a moment, your heart sinks, and as you stare up at him, nodding softly, you realize he wasn’t finished. His hand comes back to your cheek, cradling your face. “I want to be with you.” He said.

Your face is burning, and you couldn’t have hidden your 1,000-watt smile if you had wanted to, so instead you beam up at Sehun, someone you trusted, admired and you were certain now someone you had loved for a very long time. It was the sort of love that always existed between you, comfortable, never leaving you with questions or doubts. Your friendship had come naturally and, as you stand up on your tiptoes to take the lead and capture his lips, you felt a warmth spreading through your chest as you hoped that the next step of your relationship was starting right now.

Sehun doesn’t pull away from you this time. He lets you kiss him however you want, relishing in the feel of your silken lips and the insistence of your tongue exploring his mouth. You need to map him out, to memorize every detail of his mouth, now. This was someone you had known so intimately for so long, and yet these minute things, like the way his teeth feel bumping into yours or the very slight scruff on his chin rubbing into yours were new, and it filled you with excitement.

He hums into the kiss, the vibration against your lips makes you smile and your eyes flutter open briefly to see he’s looking back at you, and you burst into giggles.

“What?” He laughs, “Is this weird?”

“No! Not at all.” You insist, “It feels…good. It feels really good..”

The smile he gives you is brighter than the sun and warms you up from the inside out. He comes back to kiss you again and you smooth your hands up his chest, laying them flat, feeling his heart pounding under your right palm. It soothes you to know that his heart is racing just as fast as yours.

The distant, faded sounds of the party downstairs are drowned out, muffled by the sound of his heavy breathing as the kiss you share now grows into something more. His hands move from your waist to your back, pressing you more tightly against him than before, and he slips one hand under the hem of your shirt, feeling the warm skin of your lower back. It doesn’t take long before soft sounds were leaving your lips, swallowed up by Sehun’s hungry mouth. He wants to hear you whimper into him more and more, and he keeps pushing further, eventually moving one hand around and gingerly palming your breast through your shirt.

You gasp, arching your back and thrusting your breast into his hand, and in a desperate attempt to feel his skin, you began to claw at his shirt, pulling it upwards and panting against his mouth.

“Take this off.” You breathe raggedly against his lips.

Sehun untangles from you long enough to discard his shirt on the bathroom floor, desperate to press against you with less clothing on, walking you backward until he could lift you and sit you on the counter by the sink. Your legs wrap around his waist and you tug his hair to keep his mouth on yours, even as his hands push up your shirt and he holds you by the ribs, moaning against your tongue as you pulled at his hair lightly.

“Wanna touch you.” Sehun mumbles into the kiss, breaking away from your mouth to catch his breath and look down at you seriously for a second, “I promise I can make you feel good.”

“I know.” You pant, lifting your shirt over your head and tossing it to the side, “I want you to touch me, Sehunnie.”

You thought with nothing but your bra standing in his way, that Sehun would want to go for your tits but instead, he drops to his knees in front of you, so he was staring at the ridiculously skimpy skirt you had bought just for this evening. You felt exposed and just a little bit ridiculous as his hands bunch the material up around your waist, exposing the front of your panties. Blushing hard, you watch as Sehun licks his lips and his eyes flicker back up to meet yours. He was asking for permission with his eyes, gentle and caring. You nod your head, and he looks back down, his hands reaching for your thighs first, rubbing smoothly up and down your soft skin.

“You got all dressed up tonight.” He points out, causing you to blush deeper and hide your face in shame.

“Yeah, I did.” You say, gasping because Sehun chose that moment to run his fingers very delicately down the front of your panties, tracing your slit through the material.

“Did you wear these for him?” He asks you, but his voice is calm and curious. You falter, unsure what he wants you to say. When he looks back up at you, he smirks, “Yeah, of course, you did. You wouldn’t wear sexy panties and a matching bra like this unless you wanted somebody to see it.”

“That’s not true.” You murmur a half-developed argument, “Maybe I wanted to wear it for myself.”

“Don’t lie to me, Y/N. You’re a bad liar.”

You start to say something back, but all thought is wiped from your brain when Sehun pulls the material of your panties to the side and suddenly his fingers are grazing your bare flesh. You twitch, sensitive, and he’s looking at you so carefully that you almost want to hide, it feels so intimate.

“But he didn’t make you wet like this,” Sehun says, parting your lower lips and taking in the sight of your glistening sex. “Who made you this wet?”

“Y…you did.” You stutter, face burning white-hot with embarrassment.

“That’s right.” Sehun smiles up at you, tugging your panties even more firmly to the side, “I did.” and with that, he leans down plant a kiss at the cleft of your pussy, his eyes locked on yours.

You gasp, thighs jerking, and Sehun grips them firmly to keep them spread, and he kisses you again, and again until you aren’t so sensitive anymore. You watch him with your mouth agape, nearly drooling at the sight of his lips on you like this. Then he licks. Gently over your outer labia at first, but then he licks deeper, moaning against you when he tastes the slickness of your arousal pooling against his tongue.

Sehun’s mouth is hot and greedy, licking deep against your hole and flicking insistently against your clit, sucking and swallowing and groaning against you all the while. Your head is spinning and you can’t look away from him. His mouth was intoxicating against yours but to have him between your thighs like this was something far more addictive and something all together cosmic.

You’re already about to cum when he inserts the first finger into you. You buck your hips into his face and feel him smirk, and his eyes focus on yours again and you know that he knows. And then he stops.

You’re about to protest weakly, to accuse him of being a tease when he stands up and his hands move to the button and zipper of his jeans. It shuts you up in a hurry and you sit there, legs spread, cunt dripping, and watch with your mouth practically watering as he pulls out his thick, heavy cock. Sehun strokes himself a couple of times as he looks you over.

“God, Y/N, you’re so beautiful. Do you want me to fuck you?”

Nodding eagerly, you swallow past a lump in your throat, forcing yourself to make eye contact with him. “Yes, Sehunnie, please.”

“Scoot a little closer to the edge.” He tells you, gripping your thighs and tugging you slightly to aid in your movements. He steps between your thighs and then reaches into his pocket for a condom before he shoves his jeans off the rest of the way so they don’t inhibit his movement. You trace his abs lightly with curious fingers as he rolls the condom down the length of his erection, and he tells you in a low whisper, “I’ve wanted this for so long, Y/N.”

You feel compelled to tell him that you’re sorry yet again, but he kisses the words from your lips and without wasting any more time, pushes himself inside of you. Sehun groans with you when he’s inside, and he thrusts in deeper, bottoming out while you gasp and cling onto him. Your legs wrap around his waist and your arms around his shoulders, and Sehun kisses you slowly and keeps himself still, letting you adjust. You feel impossibly tight, clenching around his cock and trembling. When he does start moving, he pulls back from your mouth and looks down between you at where you’re joined. He’s already coated in your arousal, sticky and wet with each plunge back inside your depths, and even though he hasn’t had a single drink tonight, he feels drunk on the sight alone.

“Fuck.” He hisses, squeezing tightly your waist and drawing you further off of the counter. He’s practically holding your weight on his own now, only using the counter to balance himself, and he’s slamming into you deeply. “Fuck!”

Shaking and moaning uncontrollably, you’re on the edge of orgasm again and you begin to claw at Sehun’s back and shoulders, trying to keep him pressed tightly to you while your hips roll to gain friction on your clit. It’s only been a couple of minutes and Sehun can feel when you start to cum around him, your inner walls rhythmically squeezing and pulsing around his cock, and he feels victorious.

“Could he make you feel as good as I do?” He asks as you cry out at the peak of your pleasure. “Could he fuck you so good you cum for him in two minutes flat?” Sehun asks, his thumb finding your clit despite your orgasm beginning to slow, driving it right back up to another peak, “Look at you.” He says, voice thick with adoration and amazement, “You’re soaking my cock, you’re cumming all over me. Fuck, you’re so good.”

“Oh, my god, don’t stop..” You cry out, tears spilling down your face as one orgasm leads directly into another and your whole body is trembling under Sehun’s.

“I’m not gonna stop.” He grunts, fucking you through your orgasm and continuing on, pounding you rough and fast, “I want to be with you, Y/N,” He groans, “I want to fuck you like this all the time. Always.”

“Always.” You echo back automatically, head thrown back, eyes watering and vision blurry. “I love you, Sehunnie. Oh, god…I love you so much.”

Sehun meant to draw it out a little bit longer, he meant to see if he could make you cum a third time, but as the words left your lips in the throes of passion, his hips stuttered against you and his cock throbbed and released, spilling himself inside the condom. Your tryst had lasted all of ten minutes, and he maybe would have been disappointed if he had been with anybody else, but he was with you, and when he stilled and looked down at you, you were grinning up at him, satisfied, your makeup smeared and your hair a mess, and Sehun was happier than he could remember being in his life.

He’s apologetic as he helps you get off the bathroom counter. Shy as he hands you a wad of toilet paper and turns away to give you privacy to clean up while he removes the condom. “I’m sorry if I was too rough.”

“You weren’t too rough.” You assure him, “It felt amazing. I loved every second of it.”

He winces a little at your choice of words, “Shit. I’m sorry it was so quick…next time I’ll be more thorough and I’ll take my time. I mean, if you want there to be a next time. We don’t have to.”

You laugh, coming up behind him as he stuffs himself back in his jeans and closes the zipper. You hug him from the back, pressing a kiss between his shoulderblades, “It was perfect, Sehunnie. And of course, I want there to be a next time. I meant it when I said I love you, you know?”

“You don’t love me.” He chuckles, turning to face you. “All this time I’ve been in love with you, you never noticed.”

“I didn’t notice because I thought what we had was special and different than any other friendship. Regardless, of course, I love you. I love you for being supportive of me, for being there for me when I needed you, I love you for coming after me tonight to check on me, for caring about me, for being concerned for me, even though I hurt you. I love you for coming over to watch scary movies and eat junk food when we’re bored.” You laugh, and he smiles back at you. “I just didn’t realize what kind of love this was as I was feeling it. Not until now.”

“What kind is it?” He asks you curiously.

“Not the kind where you have a stupid crush and it makes your heart flutter and you end up crying in the bathroom at some party. My love for you is comfortable and easy, and I’ve never doubted it or second-guessed it because I always felt it so strongly. I’m sorry that I didn’t question it, though... I should have analyzed our feelings sooner. I should have paid closer attention. But I’m not sorry at the same time, because our bond is very strong and for that, I’m thankful. Thank you for sticking around, Sehun.”

His chest is swelling with pride and affection as he looks down at you. There’s a lot more he wants to say and a lot more he wants to ask, but for now, he feels at peace. Sehun presses a kiss to your forehead and slips his arm around your shoulders, and he leads you out of the bathroom.

As you walk together down the short hallway to the stairs, he mutters under his breath against your ear, “Let’s literally never tell Seokjin that we hooked up in his guest bathroom.”

#oh sehun #exo #sehun smut #sehun oneshot #mine #LISTEN....editing is rly hard for me so pls forgive any mistakes #i read through this so many times and tried to fix any errors I saw #maybe i need a beta reader or editor sdlfkjosie nah i'm too nervous #i'll just continue posting things until I Get Good #i'm happy with the practice i've had the last few weeks and the progress i've made already #this is my favorite oneshot so far

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machihunnicutt · 7 years

Text

Small Hot Chocolate, No Whip (Chapter 2)

(Or read on ao3.)

Chapter 2: Evan

Evan couldn't figure out whether he was happy or upset. He felt tingly all over and when he got home he tripped over Jared's shoes in the doorway.

"Dude did you fall?" The owner of said shoes said, coming out into the hallway. His glasses were crooked and he was wearing pajama pants and a t-shirt despite the fact it was only 7:30. They were alike in that respect. He and Jared had been on the edge of close for most of high school: Jared was kind of mean for a while and then it happened and there was a lot of talking and a few confessions and somewhere along the way they became friends. School was easier with Jared there.

He was a computer science major with more friends than Evan could even comprehend. King of the nerds he'd dubbed himself.

"A little. Can we talk?"

Jared's eyebrows rose in amusement. "Sure, what's up?"

"Zoe," he started, chewing on his bottom lip. "Has a brother."

"Zoe, the barista love of your life?"

"She's n-not the l-love of my...I think her brother was flirting with me."

"Holy shit. Is he hot? Do you like him?"

Evan passed him in the hallway and collapsed on his bed. Jared followed him. "Evan Bisexual Hansen are you COURTING?"

"Leave me alone Jared," he said, blushing ridiculously. "He's just...he's cute okay? And now I'm c-conflicted."

Jared cackled. "This is the funniest shit I've heard all week and the newest John Oliver was really good."

Evan buried his face in his comforter and moaned. He wasn't good at this sort of thing. He wasn't good at a lot of things but he certainly wasn't good at this. Connor walking him home had felt like something, but today he'd been largely ignored after trying to help him outside of the cafe. Maybe he'd realized how pathetic Evan was and wanted to cut things off before they went too far? Maybe Evan had unknowingly said something offensive?

"Dude, are you okay?" Jared said after awhile of this.

"'M fine," he said, voice muffled.

"Alright," he said, giving him a comforting pat on the back. "I'm ordering pizza. "If you want to talk about your coffee siblings kink further you know where to find me."

The next day Evan was early to his climate lecture. He wasn't as early as he was the first day. Petrified of being late, he'd shown up nearly an hour and a half early and sat, knees curled to his chest in the overly air conditioned hallway. He took his usual seat in the third row and pulled out a notepad.

Dear Evan Hansen,

Today is going to be a good day and here's why:

Jared promised to go over your notes with you so you won't worry that you missed or misunderstood something. Connor Murphy is nice and has a cute smile and you don't have to see him today so you can think about what yesterday meant. You have leftover pizza for lunch.

You're doing okay.

Sincerely,

The letters were no longer a therapy assignment but they made him feel better so he'd kept up the habit. He flipped over to his notes and scanned the shaky handwriting. Sometimes he had a question but was too afraid to ask it and his own fear and guilt over not being able to articulate himself made him nervous and he started shaking and spacing out and that was when his handwriting went to shit.

Today's lecture wasn't as bad. He understood all the concepts they discussed and his letters stayed even and legible. After class he made a beeline for the library, walking with purpose so he didn't have to talk to anyone. He had some homework and when he was finished he went up to the fourth floor where the windows were big and the view was better and found a book on the world's coolest trees.

"Are you stalking me Hansen?" He looked up. Of all people, he did not expect to see Connor Murphy here. For half a second he thought he was there to say something mean. But he was smiling kindly and Evan felt guilty. Connor crossed his arms over his chest. Connor was tall: all angles and lean muscles. Today he had the same black hoodie rolled up to his elbows and a new gray v-neck. Evan noticed the mess of friendship bracelets and hair bands covering both of his wrists and the new coating of black polish on his nails. His hair was glorious as usual, though it looked soft and fluffier today.

"Connor!" He jumped. "I didn't know you'd be here. I was...distracted."

Connor tugged on the strap of his messenger bag and Evan felt his eyes looking him over. He worried that there was something on his shirt or face. C'mon Evan just communicate.

"I um...are y-you angry w-with me?" He said, feeling his heart pound rapidly. "Yesterday you seemed k-kind of..."

"No," Connor interrupted. Evan forced himself to look up at him. His eyes were big and sad. "No, I'm sorry. It was just a bad day. It wasn't you."

"Oh," He said dumbly. "Okay good. I was wondering then if we might e-exchange emails that is...if you'd want to t-talk to me and uh...be f-friends?"

"Emails? I could just give you my number?"

Emails? Emails! You idiot why would he want to talk to you in the 90s. He might well have asked if their moms could set up a play date.

"Oh! Right, your number. Y-yeah, that's fine."

"Here." He pulled a Sharpie out of his back pocket and gestured for Evan to stick out his hand. Evan was suddenly preoccupied with the idea that his hand might be so sweaty the whole message would wipe off. "Is it chill if I write it on the back of your hand?" Instead of saying this he nodded.

"Nice to see you Hansen."

"Yeah, n-nice to see you too Connor."

Jared had trivia night at the bar down the street. Thanks to him his team was undefeated. He'd invited Evan to come watch numerous times but going meant being around fellow 19 year olds with fake IDs sipping beers he was entirely uncomfortable with.

Evan thought he was probably the most vanilla college student in existence, not that Jared ever hassled him for it or that he planned on changing his behavior.

He was almost 20 and he'd never even kissed anyone. If that could change maybe it wouldn't be such a bad thing.

Because Jared wasn't there to tell him not to, Evan pulled up his Instagram and searched for Connor. Careful not to like any old photos, he scrolled through his profile with interest.

Zoe was in most of the posts. He could tell they were close. On her birthday he'd made her an ice cream cake and posted a multi paragraph caption about how lucky he was to have her in his life. Evan grinned at the older photos where he was shorter and less lean and his captions were riddled with typos.

He stopped on a photo of Connor at what appeared to be a Pride parade. His grinning face was painted: rainbow streaks beneath his shining eyes and hair swimming with glitter. Beside him, and Evan finally put two and two together then, Zoe was kissing her no doubt girlfriend who was tagged as Alana.

Connor Murphy wasn't straight. That was a sign as encouraging as the photos of Zoe Murphy's girlfriend were discouraging.

The conversation in the coffee shop the next day went about as well as could be expected until Evan let slip that he was a creepy Instagram stalker. And then the business about his broken arm...

He knew Connor didn't mean any harm but he wasn't in the habit of telling people about the time he threw himself out of a tree and laid there pathetically friendless, sobbing about how he should've died but didn't. It didn't seem like the kind of detail you revealed to a boy you liked.

He hoped he was serious about the nature walk. Despite his stumbling speech he had a whole tour planned in his head. It was dumb but when Evan was in a forest he felt at peace. His limbs that usually stirred with unwanted activity quieted; his thoughts that circled menacingly slowed and straightened out into neat and gentle lines. In the forest he didn't feel like everyone was looking at him. His flaws were not on display and he could breathe in the fresh air without worrying that he didn't deserve to.

Connor Murphy looked like he would be good at climbing trees. He could probably reach branches Evan couldn't. He was probably fast.

***

Evan didn't know how he got here. That happened sometimes when his panic was intense. The lines between past and present blurred and he got the feeling that someone had dragged a big pink eraser through his brain.

He knew he was shaking. He knew he was drawing in raspy, shallow breaths and that his face was wet with tears. After a moment it came back to him. He was locked in the bathroom at the coffee shop, curled up pitifully on the tile, and the walls seemed to be crashing in on him.

There was a knock on the door. He curled in tighter. "Hey Evan? Is that you in there?" Connor sounded worried. He didn't want to worry him.

"I...y-yeah," his voice quivered terribly. "I'm fine."

"Are you sure? Are you sick?"

"I had an uh...a p-panic attack," he said. "S-sorry to..."

"Evan can I come in?" He interrupted. His voice sounded tight. "Please."

Evan got up and wiped his face with his hands. His head spun and vision swam but he crossed the room and unlocked the door. He couldn't meet Connor's eyes.

"Come in the back. I'll get you some water. Do you want to take my hand?"

Evan nodded despite himself. Connor's hand was warm and his grip was firm. He let himself be led to a chair in the back room. Connor sat him down and brought him a cup of water. He sipped from the cup and felt his breathing slow. Way to go Evan. Now he knows you're a quivering mess and you probably have snot all over your face.

"Sorry," he muttered, looking up at Connor. "I'm really sorry for c-causing all this trouble."

Connor ran a hand through his hair. "Don't be sorry. You're fine. I just want to make sure you're okay. Do you want to talk about it?" Connor chipped at the nail polish on his thumb and his brows furrowed. "I mean I know we're not...I um," he blushed. "I just want to help. You kind of scared me."

"I'm sorry," he repeated.

"No," Connor's eyes widened. "I didn't mean it like that. I...I'm sorry Evan."

What was he sorry for? Evan was the one having a break down in public. Evan was the one whose breath still felt a bit shallow and very existence a bit worthless. He was making progress, he really was. He just wasn't making any today. Just because you feel like you're taking a few steps back today doesn't mean you won't roll doubles and move forward a lot tomorrow. Jared said to him once. It wasn't the first board game metaphor he'd thrown at him.

"Evan," Connor repeated and Evan realized he'd been staring at him like an idiot.

"T-there's no r-reason for you to be s-sorry. I'm the one who got a D on my test and is probably going to flunk out of school and end up living in a box and then I'll be basically friendless and homeless and I'm sorry I can't be rational about that and have to panic in your bathroom like a pathetic child and..."

"Evan." He liked it when Connor said his name. It was gentle. Connor didn't look like the kind of guy who could speak like that. But Evandidn't like judging people based on stereotypes. "One bad grade doesn't mean you're going to flunk out, believe me," he said slowly. "And having a panic attack doesn't mean you're pathetic or a kid. It's okay," he said, insistent. When Evan sniffled he reached forward to put his hand on his shoulder. Evan flinched and then felt bad.

"I'm sorry." Connor drew back.

"Don't be," he said. "Let me walk you again. I can talk Alana into getting you a free hot chocolate. "

"Okay," Evan said. His face was probably so red. Great, red, snot covered, hiccuping now and he was still offering to spend more time with him. "You're really nice," he blurted. Maybe it was a Murphy sibling thing.

Connor laughed. "I'm not that nice."

Evan took small sips of the free hot chocolate and stole glances at Connor Murphy beside him.

"I freak out during tests sometimes. It uh...when I have trouble I tend to s-shut down," he muttered. It wasn't as if he had to keep up false pretenses anymore.

"Have you talked to any of your professors about your anxiety?"

He should. He'd told himself to numerous times but he always seemed to get in his own way. "I can deal with it," he said instead.

"I know," Connor said with a confidence that admittedly, Evan didn't feel. They were at his place. The lights were on and Jared's car was in the driveway.

"Thanks," Evan said. "For everything." Connor Murphy smiled at him and how could he not have a crush on this boy?

"It's going to be okay," he said seriously. He seemed to blend in with the blackness of the night. When Evan was little he was afraid of the dark. He begged his mom to leave the lights on in his bedroom and cried when she didn't. Connor Murphy made the dark seem like a big, warm blanket tucked beneath your chin.

"Thanks," he repeated because it was better than saying sorry.

"You're welcome Evan Hansen." Jared would say he should have invited him in for coffee but it seemed dumb to ask a barista that and he wasn't daring. The panic attack had drained him and Evan didn't have a lot to drain in the first place.

"Hey, um..." Connor's mouth fell open and his awkward start hung for a moment. "My sister's having a music showcase on Friday and I was wondering if you might want to come with me? It would be nice to have a friend there you know?"

A friend.

"Sure. Text me the details." Connor Murphy isn't completely repulsed by you.

"Okay, well goodnight."

"Goodnight."

He got the text while he was brushing his teeth:

CM: showcase is at 7. I can pick u up early and we can get dinner? ps: I think ur really brave Hansen. That's probably weird to say but fuck it.

Fuck it.

#dear evan hansen #treebros #connor murphy #evan hansen #evan hansen/connor murphy #deh #musicals #deh fic #awi's fic #jared kleinman #zoe murphy #alana #zolana #galaxy gals

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