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starrynite7114 · 5 years

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distraction: four

A/N: Hello everyone! An update is finally here! I’m hitting a block with things you never knew, but I’m sure I will get through it soon. I’ve been really inspired for this one and it’s really moving along! Hope you all enjoy the next part!

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Emerson was immersed with Bird Box when her doorbell rang. It couldn’t be Elijah since he was with Miguel. As much as she wanted to go to dinner, she was just not feeling well after her episode and wanted to stay home. She looked through the peephole and found EZ.

She opened the door and greeted him. “Hey, what are you doing here?”

“Just wanted to check on you, can I come in?”

“Sure,” she stepped aside and let EZ come in.

She closed the door and did her usual routine of checking the lock three times. EZ smiled at her routine and just shook his head. He sat down on one of her armchairs.

“Haven’t seen you at the bakery in a while, everything okay?” When she first arrived, EZ was one of the first people she met. She was setting up the bakery and was carrying stuff inside. EZ and his father, Felipe, happened to be walking by and helped her out. She thanked them by making them some food.

“Just busy with club business.” The reasoned EZ stayed away was he couldn’t keep lying to her and not tell her he was a part of her life. It was difficult to not tell Emerson what they’ve been through together.

“I see,” she nodded her head. “Your brother is always around.” It was stupid reasoning, but from her understanding of this whole M.C. business, EZ was Angel’s prospect for 2 more months. Shouldn’t he be attached to Angel?

“Can’t keep him away even if you want to,” EZ replied.

“Your brother is just a bottomless pit, that’s why.”

EZ laughed. “He definitely is. So, Elijah is here?”

“No, he’s with Miguel and Emily, business dinner.” Emerson always found it interesting how much more she’ll see EZ when Elijah was around. Whenever Elijah was in town, that’s when she would see EZ more often. Coco, Gilly, Angel or any of the other Mayans would hardly come around. It was mostly EZ.

“You didn’t go?”

“I’m not feeling well.”

“Everything okay?”

Emerson paused Bird Box since she was almost certain she wouldn’t be watching with EZ here.

“Yeah, I just almost blacked out.” Emerson answered. “I’m fine, happens every once in a while.”

“That doesn’t sound good.” EZ was having an internal struggle whether he should tell her or not. He knew her, he could help her with her memories. If anything, Angel could help her the most.

“It’s fine, the bakery can be stressful and Letty.” She was obviously joking about Letty because as ridiculous as teenagers were, Letty made her life better.

“We both know if there’s anyone who Letty isn’t a pain in the ass to, it’s you.” EZ chuckled.

“She’s a good kid.” Emerson really did adore Leticia. She wasn’t sure what it was, maybe she did remind her of her younger sister. Regardless, Leticia was a smart kid with a good head on her head. She could be a wise ass at times, but she was a teenager.

“You ever miss your family?” EZ was well aware that Emerson’s father disowned her for a second time. Whenever he met the Patriarch of the Andres family, he seemed to be a kind man who never had a problem with him or his upbringing. But everyone can put up an act after all.

“Yes, at times,” she looked over at him. “The holidays are coming up, so I do, but otherwise, I’ve gotten used to it.”

“Can I ask you a question?” EZ was going to ask her. He didn’t give a shit what Angel instructed. She’s been here for 6 months, he didn’t want to lie to her anymore.

“Sure,” she nodded her head.

EZ opened his mouth to speak but was interrupted by the knocking on the door. He stood up to go and open it, even though he was certain it was Angel. He had convinced his brother to let him go check on Emerson instead since EZ knew that Angel would cause trouble. When he opened the door, he was surprised to find Elijah on the other side of the door.

“Elijah.”

“Ezekiel.”

Their greetings was short and curt. EZ moved aside to let Elijah in, but before he can go all the way in, EZ placed his arm in front of him.

“We should talk.”

Elijah looked over at him and nodded his head. “Yes, it seems like we’re due for a conversation.”

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Elijah exited the car Miguel had provided for him, waiting for Ezekiel to arrive at their designated meeting place. He heard the roar of a motorcycle and knew EZ was close by. Slipping on his sunglasses, he took off his suit jacket, the Santo Padre heat seeped in quickly. He wasn’t trying to impress anyone nor was this a business meeting.

When the motorcycle finally came insight he knew that it wasn’t Ezekiel and he felt foolish for even believing it would be EZ who would meet him. The motorcycle stopped beside his car.

Angel got off his bike, removing his helmet and placing it on his handle. He kept his gloves on, walking over to Elijah who was overlooking the mountains that were their background.

“Can’t say I’m surprise to see you,” Elijah rolled up the sleeves of his button up. The heat seeping in.

“Same goes to you, I should know better than to think that you would leave Emerson alone.” Angel never understood Elijah. Sophia Andres was in love with him, why couldn’t he settle for Emerson’s sister?

“I don’t have to do shit,” Elijah growled out. “She doesn’t remember you. You’re nothing to her.”

“And you conveniently bask on that fact.” Angel spat out.

“Emerson is a clean slate. She doesn’t remember meeting you and your brother, it’s the best thing that can ever happen for her.” Elijah never liked Angel. He was indifferent about EZ, if anything he wanted to recruit EZ for his business as he found that his photographic memory would be incredibly helpful. And EZ was a smart kid, he liked him, especially since he was never interested in Emerson. “Well mostly forgetting you was the best thing to happen to her.”

“What happens when she remembers everything? You think she’s going to be okay with you hiding such a big part of her life?” Angel wanted to smack this pretty boy around, but he knew there would be consequences. He had to be smart about this, Elijah was Miguel’s business partner. The last thing he wanted was for Galindo to take it out on the club.

“We both know you don’t want her remembering anything. Cause between you and me, you’re the one who needs the clean slate. If she remembers everything, you’re forever tainted,” Elijah smugly reminded him. “You know what, she should remember. It’ll push her right into my arms.”

Angel chuckled then before grabbing Elijah by the collar of his shirt. “No matter what happens, no matter what you do, she’ll never love you like she loves me. Even without her memories, I’ll have her fall right back in love with me.”

Elijah looked down at Angel’s hands before pushing him off. “Is that so? The confidence you have is immense seeing as how Emerson doesn’t even seem to give you the time of day.”

“You’re not always here, are you now?” Angel shoved him back.

“For now,” Elijah smirked. “Santo Padre would be a great place to establish some real estate.”

“Fuck you, you never liked it here. Let Galindo handle that, why would you need to be here?” Angel hated Elijah with every fiber of his being. Whenever he had the chance, Elijah always tried to prove to Angel how undeserving he was of Emerson. Ever since he first met the guy, Elijah made it known that Angel was beneath him. He never let Elijah get into his head, at least at first, but self worth was a tricky thing and during vulnerable moments, people do stupid shit.

“Someone has to oversee the operations, I would be the perfect candidate for that, wouldn’t you say?” Elijah brushed off the dirt Angel got on his shirt. “I’m sure Emmy wouldn’t mind if I stayed put.”

“You sure about that? You seem to upset her yesterday.”

“Emerson doesn’t like being pushed, she’s stubborn.”

“What were you pushing her about?”

“Her mother would like for her to come to New York. She would like to celebrate her 60th birthday with all of her children and Emerson isn’t responding to her.”

“Can’t say I blame her since her family is full of snobby rich assholes.”

“Tia Dolores was always fond of you, I do not think you have the right to say such terrible words about her.”

“You know who I mean.”

“Ah, Tio Eduardo is a bit of an asshole,” Elijah shrugged. “But you can’t fault him for wanting the best for his daughter.”

Eduardo Andres has always hated Angel. EZ, he could tolerate, but Angel knew that Eduardo saw him as someone who would never be good enough for his daughter. And the thing that killed him, it wasn’t entirely about the MC. Eduardo had respect for Bishop and Marcus, they were businessmen and they understood one another. But Angel was a foot soldier. Eduardo couldn’t fathom that his daughter would be someone who had no plan for the future besides sell drugs. Angel tried, he really did try to appease her father, but Angel knew that no matter what he did, it would be futile.

“And I assume that’s you?” Angel scoffed.

Elijah chuckled. “Perhaps, but I love Emerson. I want her to be happy and I’m man enough to accept that.”

“Then why are you here?”

“Because she hasn’t chosen anyone, Angel. She may have ended our engagement, but let’s be honest, Emerson is trying to find herself. Once she does, and if she remembers how your relationship ended, she’ll run right back to me.” Elijah wasn’t as confident as he projected to be, but he had hope. He wasn’t a selfish man, he wasn’t psychotic. In the end, if Emerson picked Angel again, he would step away, just as he did before.

“You’re not innocent yourself, you set me up.”

Elijah shrugged. “All is fair in love and war.” He knew if Emerson ever found out what he did, he would be on her shit list, but not as bad as Angel. “Why keep trying Angel? You never thought you deserved Emerson, that you two basically had an expiration date. Why fight for her now?”

It was true, Angel always thought that whatever he had with Emerson, it wasn’t going to last. Maybe it was his self esteem issues or issues that stem from growing up in EZ’s shadow, but the world was stacked up against them. Maybe that’s why he fucked up during the last year of their relationship. He couldn’t exactly give an exact reason why, but he recognized that he fucked up their relationship with his own insecurities. After he lost her, things were put in perspective for him as the years went along. He watched in the shadows as Emerson paraded around with Elijah, happily playing the part of his other half. He never understood why Emerson did what she did, knowing Emerson never wanted to be engaged to Elijah.

At one point, he thought he pushed her enough that she finally decided to go to Elijah. But then he realized that she lost her memory and the only thing she remember was up to her high school graduation, when she was still madly in love with Elijah.

So why was he fighting now?

“Because I lost her once and I can’t let that happen again.”

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Letty and Emerson were in kitchen of the bakery, preparing a cake that was pre-ordered for pick up tomorrow morning. The bakery had been closed for an hour and she was trying to finish a few things before she headed home. She was going to drop off Letty at the clubhouse since the boys were having a party. She offered for Letty to just stay over at her place since it was a school night, but Coco insisted on having Letty dropped off. Emerson was almost certain that Letty would be Coco’s excuse to leave.

“Can I ask you a question?” Letty broke Emerson out of her concentration as she was finishing up the design on the cake.

“Sure, what’s up?” Emerson placed the pipetting bag down and focused her attention on Letty.

“Why’d you take me in?” Letty always wondered why Emerson helped her. She wasn’t used to that, especially from a complete stranger. Aside for her father, her grandmother wasn’t exactly the best person in the world. She never experienced unquestionable loyalty from anyone, someone who was willing to get her out of a shitty situation besides EZ and Emerson. Her father was a default even though it didn’t seem that way at first.

“What you mean?”

“You didn’t have to help me that one night I got in a fight with my dad.” Letty always wondered if Emerson had an ulterior motive for helping her. But then, when her anxiety subsided and she was able to reason with herself, Emerson didn’t want anything from Letty.

“I wasn’t going to let you walk alone in the rain. I do have a heart you know,” Emerson playfully bumped Letty with her hip. “What’s with the question? I’ve literally spent the last 5 months with you.”

“I’m just not used to a complete stranger caring for me without asking for something in return.”

Emerson frowned. She’s always known Letty had a hard life. Her grandmother treated her terribly and she didn’t know Coco till a year ago. Regardless, she could tell Coco genuinely cared for his daughter and she meant the world to him. “The world hasn’t been kind to you, I get it. But there are still good people in the world. You just reminded me of my younger sister. Guess having you around filled a void for me and you grew on me.” She teased.

“Were you close to her?” Letty was surprised that Emerson brought up her sister. She rarely spoke of her family and when she usually did, it was a smartass remark.

“Yes, but we fell out.” Emerson picked up the pipetting bag as she finished the last design on this layer of the cake.

“After you were disowned?”

“We fell out way before that.”

“Why?” This was the most Emerson ever opened up to Letty and she wasn’t going to let it pass. She wanted to know about her.

“My sister Sophia always saw me as my parents’ favorite. She never resented me, I always made sure to try and dissuade her whenever she got that look in her eye. I tried to be the best older sister I could be to her.” Emerson explained. “Then one day, it was announced that I was engaged to Elijah and things changed from there.”

“Was she upset cause she thought Elijah was taking you away?”

“No, she was in love with Elijah and I knew all about it. She felt that I betrayed her.”

“Wait, you were engaged to Elijah?!” Letty always knew that Elijah had a thing for Emerson, but she never mentioned she was actually engaged to him.

“Once upon a time, I was engaged to Elijah. But something in me was against it. We were engaged for a few months before I called it off.” Emerson placed the pipetting bag down once again. “We were arranged by our parents, some sort of business deal to strengthen ties between our companies.”

“What?! People still arrange for their children to be married? I thought that was in the 1800s or somethin’,”

Emerson laughed at that. “No, it actually occurs to this day.”

“If you two were arranged why was she so upset?”

“She thought I planned it, that I wanted to take Elijah away from her.” Emerson gave her a small smile. “Sophia was absolutely upset at me and when I called it off, she still refused to speak to me.”

“Why?”

“Because I broke Elijah’s heart.”

“Your sister sounds like a bitch.”

“Oh, she definitely was. But she was also smart and hard headed, just like you.” Emerson booped Letty’s nose causing her to laugh. “Though, you’re definitely much more level headed than Sophia.”

“Has she ever tried to talk to you?”

“Yes, very civil conversations.”

“But not the same?”

Emerson shook her head. “Maybe she’ll forgive me one day once I’m actually married with children with someone who is not Elijah.”

“If Elijah hasn’t given her the time of day, why would he now?”

“I don’t know, I tried to push him towards her, but he’s a bit of a dick about it.”

“Really? How so?”

“He doesn’t want the lesser Andres when the better one is available.” EZ startled the two young women.

Emerson gave him a questioning look. “How do you know that?”

“Experience.” He shrugged. “I just know enough people and have witnessed it before.

She eyed him suspiciously along with Letty. But both women just nodded their heads.

“You two ready to go? Coco asked me to pick you two up.”

“For?” Emerson picked up her piping bag once more and continued with her designs.

“Just to assure that you two get to the clubhouse safely.” It wasn’t Coco, it was Angel. He wanted to make sure Elijah wasn’t around to dissuade Emerson from going to the clubhouse. Angel saw it as the perfect opportunity to get her alone.

Ever since Emerson came back, she’s just been to the clubhouse a handful of times and that was usually to drop off food. Since they had her drop off Letty, they figured she would stay put as well.

“I still got two more layers to go, you guys can just go.” Emerson offered.

“We can wait,” EZ insisted. “Besides, my brother would be disappointed if you didn’t go.”

“Your brother has enough ass at the clubhouse to keep him distracted.” Emerson walked over to the fridge and took another layer.

“Come on Emmy, Taza and Hank would love to see you as well.”

“They saw me this morning Ezekiel, they come here every morning.” Emerson pointed out. She placed the cake layer on the table, eyeing him suspiciously. “Am I missing something?”

“No, you just keep making excuses about spending time at the clubhouse. You too good for us?”

“Yes, because that’s why I hang around you all.” Emerson rolled her eyes. “I just don’t like parties, they make me antsy.” She hated parties when her parents threw it and it was no different now. They were always filled with people she didn’t know and her social energy would be drained so quickly, she would panic trying to look for an exit. Though, the Mayans parties were a bit cooler than her parents since they weren’t full of snobby rich people.

EZ knew that about Emerson. He remembered during college, he wanted to experience the college life, but Emerson always shied away from those parties and prefered to same in her apartment and just watch movies.

“Come on Emmy, please? You can just drop me off then be on your way. If my dad to stays a little bit, I don’t want to be alone.” Letty pleaded.

“Chucky would keep you company.” Emerson found Chucky creepy at first, but he seemed to be a genuinely good guy.

“True, but can’t you just go, for me?” Letty did those eyes once again and EZ chuckled, seeing the struggle in Emerson’s face.

“God, you are terrible.” Emerson laughed. “Let me finish this and we can go.”

It was odd how at home Emerson felt in Santo Padre. She never even knew this town existed till her grandfather had mentioned to her that Miguel lives in Santo Padre. Her grandfather was her biggest advocate ever since she could remember. Sure, she was close to her father and mother, but she was incredibly close to her grandfather as well. And it was weird since her father instructed her to look out for bikers, not because they’re dangerous, but they were going to help her.

It was such a weird statement, but she guessed it made sense.

After all, no one should ever judge a book by its cover.

#Angel Reyes #angelreyes #angel reyes fic #angel reyes fanfic #mayans mc fanfic #mayans mc fic

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system-splintered · 5 years

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What it's like to be trans, for cis folks

You have to hide your favorite color from your family. Your favorite color of all time is bright green. You can never show that you even LIKE the color green, because if your family found out, they'd disown you and kick you out, even if you're under 18. If the wrong stranger found out, they may harass you, or assault you.

Then, you finally move out, and you decide that you can finally, finally buy yourself a bright green shirt. It's your favorite color! And you love it.

And then, you wear it out to go grocery shopping, and people just stare. They look at you as if your very skin is turning green, right in front of their very eyes. Someone yells at you,

"Ew, what is that thing? Why is it green?"

People avert the eyes of their children. They act like the color of your shirt could leech out and infect their kid if you get within ten feet of them.

People whisper behind your back about how liking green is an abomination. About how you're going to hell because you like green. People ask you questions that are none of their buisness because you're wearing a green shirt.

"Did you have that shirt dyed?"

"That's not even your original shirt! Your shirt is white, and it'll always be white. Dye won't change what your shirt is."

"What's underneath that green shirt? Are you green?"

People harass you for trying to use the restroom, so you start avoiding food and drinks when you're outside the house, because you don't want people to yell at you for your shirt. You wear jackets to cover it.

But... It doesn't hurt anyone. And it's your favorite shirt! You have no clue why anyone finds it offensive.

You find a girl you like, and you decide to ask her to dinner with you.

At first, she agrees! But the day of your date is a warm day, and you decide to skip the jacket for the day. After all, green is just a color, and there's no reason she'd hate you just because if your shirt, right? But... She does. She sees your shirt, makes eye contact with you, looking disgusted, and runs out of the restaurant, back to the car. You try and text her, but she blocked your number.

So you decide to visit one of your friends. You knock on their door, and when they see your shirt, they look disgusted at you, and even though you'd been friends for five years, they scream at you. "I thought I knew you! But then you pull this? Seriously? You know you're going to hell, right? Don't come back until you drop this green nonsense. It's disgusting." and they slam the door in your face.

So maybe you decide to ask your parents what to do. You're an adult now, and you're sure they will understand, you just can't live with pretending that green isn't your favorite color anymore.

So you call your mum, you ask if you can visit, she says, "Of course, come over and I'll make dinner for all of us."

So you go visit your parents, and they open the door, and they look surprised, but not in a good way. They're silent as you walk in. Your dad? He's pissed. So pissed he just leaves the room, won't talk to you.

Mum? She mostly just looks disappointed. She asks you, "Do you have to hurt your father's feelings like that? Did we mess up raising you? What happened that's making you act like this?" and you're just like, what the heck, it's only a shirt. It doesn't hurt anyone!

And your mum says "You know you'll never really like green, you're just trying to get attention."

And you think, why, with the way everyone is acting, would someone think I'd choose this? Everyone I love hates me! And I'm not trying to hurt anyone, but everyone is acting like I'm trying to hurt them on purpose.

So you just put your head down, and your mum tells you to get out before your dad comes back.

So you leave, and after a while, presumably after your parents talked about it, your mum sends you a message:

"Don't come back until you drop all this green liking nonsense. Hopefully your father will speak to you then."

And your dad? He's sending you baragges of messages about how greenies are sinners, how they're an embarassment to God, about how you'd never be his child if you don't drop that greenie nonsense.

And you're still just... Trying to be true to yourself. Everyone hates you. People stare in the street, and one night, someone assaults you as you're walking to your car. They rip your favorite shirt off, and scream about how you're going to hell. They knock you down, they kick your ribs while they snarl about how disgusting greenies are.

Meanwhile, you've done LITERALLY nothing wrong.

There's rumors going around that all greenies were molested as kids and that's why they like such a disgusting color.

You're in the hospital with broken ribs from being literally assaulted in the street, and the doctor asks you if you were wearing something green when the assault happened. You say yes, and he tells you that you deserved it. There's no one else in the room, no cameras. You try to report him, and you just get laughed at. "Dr.Smith wouldn't do that! You're just a crazy greenie trying to get attention."

And you feel so alone. You've done nothing to hurt anyone, and they still try to hurt you.

You call everyone you know, but somehow, they already know. Most refuse to answer. A few tell you to fuck off. One tells you that you should have killed yourself when you found out so that your family didn't have to know.

And you just feel hated. No one cares about you.

You try to get help, and the psych just tries to convince you that you don't really like green, that it's just that you're trying to get attention, yet again, and you want to scream! "I've done nothing wrong! I'm not hurting anyone! Why do you hate me?"

But no one would care anyway.

Imagine that there is not a single person you couod possibly call for help, and everything is crashing down, and if everyone hates you so much, you might as well do what your friend said...

That maybe you deserve it.

Maybe you are faking

But... If you were, you could just pick a new color. But you can't. Because it's not something you can force, or change at will.

So? Is life worth it, even if you face hatred, even if you face assault, even if you can't get medical help. Your employer finds out you like green, and fires you. Your landlord evicts you, and they won't tell you why. So now, you're poor, you're destitute, you have no home, no job. You're living out of your car. You're trying your best, but nothing makes it better. Nothing makes you feel okay, because all you want is to be accepted, to be loved, as someone who happens to like the color green.

So do you kill yourself? Do you live a lie? Do you suffer until...? When? When will the pain stop? It won't.

Acceptance is EVERYTHING.

You don't get it because you've never lived it.

But if you were in our shoes, with no one to help, no one to care. You'd feel the same.

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system-splintered · 5 years

Text

What it's like to be transgender: for cis folks who just don't quite get it.

Pretend you have to hide your favorite color from your family. Your favorite color of all time is bright green. You can never show that you even LIKE the color green, because if your family found out, they'd disown you and kick you out, even if you're under 18. If the wrong stranger found out, they may harass you, or assault you.

Then, you finally move out, and you decide that you can finally, finally buy yourself a bright green shirt. It's your favorite color! And you love it.

And then, you wear it out to go grocery shopping, and people just stare. They look at you as if your very skin is turning green, right in front of their very eyes. Someone yells at you,

"You can't like green, that's disgusting."

"Ew, what is that thing?"

People avert the eyes of their children. They act like the color of your shirt could leech out and infect their kid if you get within ten feet of them.

"Did you have that shirt dyed?"

"That's not even your original shirt! Your shirt is white, and it'll always be white. Dye won't change what your shirt is."

"What's underneath that green shirt? Are you green?"

But... It doesn't hurt anyone. And it's your favorite shirt! You have no clue why anyone finds it offensive.

You find a girl you like, and you decide to ask her to dinner with you.

So maybe you decide to ask your parents what to do. You're an adult now, and you're sure they will understand, you just can't live with pretending that green isn't your favorite color anymore.

So you call your mum, you ask if you can visit, she says, "Of course, come over and I'll make dinner for all of us."

And your mum says "You know you'll never really like green, you're just trying to get attention."

So you just put your head down, and your mum tells you to get out before your dad comes back.

So you leave, and after a while, presumably after your parents talked about it, your mum sends you a message:

Don't come back until you drop all this green liking nonsense. Hopefully your father will speak to you then.

And your dad? He's sending you baragges of messages about how greenies are sinners, how they're an embarassment to God, about how you'd never be his child if you don't drop that greenie nonsense.

Meanwhile, you've done LITERALLY nothing wrong.

There's rumors going around that all greenies were molested as kids and that's why they like such a disgusting color.

And you feel so alone. You've done nothing to hurt anyone, and they still try to hurt you.

And you just feel hated. No one cares about you.

But no one would care anyway.

Imagine that there is not a single person you couod possibly call for help, and everything is crashing down, and if everyone hates you so much, you might as well do what your friend said...

That maybe you deserve it.

Maybe you are faking

But... If you were, you could just pick a new color. But you can't. Because it's not something you can force, or change at will.

So do you kill yourself? Do you live a lie? Do you suffer until...? When? When will the pain stop? It won't.

Acceptance is EVERYTHING.

You don't get it because you've never lived it.

But if you were in our shoes, with no one to help, no one to care. You'd feel the same.

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