#hiiii i'm back just here to drop a super niche d20 fic because this relationship has captured my whole whole heart

[professorthaddeus]

butterfly effects

The air has been saturated with a sharp, tangy sense of urgency ever since the freeway collapsed, but here in the back alleys by Conrad’s home, the cobbled streets are cold as ever, the walls dark and damp from the recent brainstorm. Justin pads along by his side, a comforting presence at his feet, and Conrad could almost pretend it’s just another day on the job, on the way to his paper route.

Except for one thing. The Fix’s hulking form lumbers ahead of him, his shoulders barely squeezing through the alleyways. In the shadows, he practically looks like a wall himself—solid, unyielding stone, brought to life to eliminate any obstacles ahead of him. No, ahead of all three of them. 

It’s been a long, long time since any grownup took an interest in Conrad. Now, there are five grownups looking out for him. Trying to save him. 

It’s a lot. 

Well, maybe that’s not fair. Mister F—the owner of Sugah’s has always paid attention to him. Even if their interactions weren’t the most pleasant on Conrad’s end, the club owner always remembered his name and cared where he was. Well. Cared if he was too close to Sugah’s, at least.

The Fix keeps glancing back at him to make sure he’s following. It’s funny—one look from someone so intimidating would usually send Conrad scrambling into corners to hide, but he doesn’t feel that itch under his skin tonight. That gaze, concerned and watchful, those giant hands swinging by The Fix’s sides, capable of so much violence but so much care, too… they’re so familiar. Echoes of bright points in a dark, forgotten place.

The next time The Fix looks back, Conrad clears his throat and tries to project his voice far enough to reach the henchman’s ears above. “Um, Mister The Fix?”

“Just The Fix is fine, kid.”

Conrad swallows. “Oh, okay. Um. Earlier, you wanted to know why I trusted you so quickly, right? I didn’t really know myself, then, but I think I’ve figured it out.” He scuffs his feet, the words faltering on his tongue as the memories come into focus.

“Oh?” The Fix is giving him an encouraging nod.

“I… I think I know you. From before we met recently, I mean. You used to come to Madame Loathing’s, didn’t you?”

The Fix blinks. “Yes, I did. I still do. But I don’t remember seeing you there.”

Conrad shrugs. “I usually kept to myself when I lived there. But you… you were impossible to miss.”  

The other children would always get so excited when their benefactor came to visit. Conrad stayed back, but he still caught the man’s endless patience as he listened to Ronnie ramble about snakes, as he watched Matilda practice her magic tricks. Still felt the draw of a grownup who really cared, a grownup who was kind.

“You used to nurture the wayward interests, didn’t you? You wanted to protect them so that they could grow.” Now that Conrad remembers, it seems so odd that he ever forgot. Then again, it’s been a long time since he ran away. And The Fix’s visits had gotten less and less frequent over the years. Conrad frowns. “But now… you just do whatever the DA tells you to do, and the DA only cares about the big guy’s job. What happened?”

“Hey now, nothing happened.” The Fix’s brow furrows. “I do what I do for the big guy, same as any other worker here, and after a while, he began to value ambition the most.”

“But you’re so strong. You could do so much good if you just—”

The Fix’s mouth twists into a grimace as he rolls a shoulder. It’s probably just in discomfort, and he doesn’t move forward, but Conrad still flinches back reflexively, and Justin rumbles a low growl in warning. The Fix’s eyes soften, the irritation vanishing from his face.

“People come after you a lot, don’t they?”

“Well… yeah. I get it, though. People don’t like a little kid telling them what they should do. Like I just did with you.” Conrad winces. “Sorry,” he mumbles.

“There’s nothing to apologize for.” The Fix shakes his head. “I’ll be honest, I’m not very comfortable with your mission to change the big guy’s mind. But you’re a part of the mind, too, and that’s your purpose. Maybe you have a point.”

“No, you don’t have to say that, I shouldn’t have—look, I’m not trying to blame you," Conrad stammers. "I can’t really talk, anyway. I know I’m kind of failing as the big guy’s moral conscience here—oh sorry, not that I’m saying you’re failing, but…” He sighs, shifting his weight. “Most people’s consciences talk to them a lot, and actually make a difference. I mean, even Justin’s always telling me I need to do more.”

“Wha—no, I told you one time that maybe we could be doing a little more than just switching the front page of the newspaper.”

“Oh, right.”

Justin nudges Conrad’s leg. “I know you do the best you can, and sometimes that’s all we can do,” he justifies.

Conrad’s eyes well up with a familiar emotion. He’s so lucky to have this dog by his side. “Justin, you’re my best friend.”

“You’re my best friend.”

The Fix kneels, interrupting Conrad’s move to give Justin a hug. Conrad is suddenly struck with an image of this mountain of a man crouching down in the entryway at Madame Loathing’s to let Jimmy the prospective gymnast clamber all over him. “I’m glad the two of you have each other; you’re both really good friends. But you don’t have to do this by yourselves anymore. I’d like to be your friend, too.”

Conrad flushes. “I… I appreciate that, Mister—I mean, The Fix.” He looks down, fiddling with the fraying strap of his bag. “But I still don’t know if I can do more, even with help. I’d like to, but the one time I tried and it actually worked, I—I got the big guy hurt real bad, and…” An innocent kid died. Ichabod. Conrad shudders, his shoulders curling in on himself. Things have been crazy, and it’s all his fault. The collapsed highway, the darkened switchboard, the eyes being closed… he might’ve gotten the big guy hurt again.

The Fix tilts his head, considering him intently in a way that makes Conrad want to squirm away. The Fix hums awkwardly. “You know, back in the 70s, there was this man named Edward Norton Lorenz who developed a hypothesis that contributed a lot to chaos theory. He theorized that Earth’s weather patterns are pretty much impossible to predict perfectly because, for example, the smallest changes in atmospheric pressure can build into storms, or a gust of wind can send clouds on a completely different path.”

Conrad looks to Justin for help, but his friend looks just as bewildered as he feels.

“What?”

The Fix sighs. “What I’m trying to say is, I think I was right. You’re important, Conrad—you’re the butterfly. And it’s okay if you feel like you can’t do too much right now.” He ventures a smile. Conrad gets a feeling The Fix doesn’t do that much. The smile’s a little lopsided, but it’s gentle. “Even the tiniest butterfly can make a big change with just a flap of its wings.”

Conrad’s eyes widen. His first instinct is to protest—history has shown him that he can’t affect anything. He doesn’t deserve to, anyway, after the harm he’s caused. But maybe that’s not exactly true. After all, because of Conrad—or at least, because The Fix saw Conrad, he went from blindly following the DA’s orders without considering the consequences to actively lying to his boss, giving voice to his old desire to protect.

It’s too much. Justin presses against his legs, and Conrad worries at his lip, resisting the urge to curl up into a ball on the ground. There’s something fluttering inside him, an unfamiliar warmth settling tentatively alongside the ever-present whirlpool of guilt. It’s weird. It’s kind of nice.

The Fix stands, turning to face the industrial lights of Occipital Park in the distance. “Come on, we should probably get going to meet up with the others.” Conrad adjusts his bag and takes a deep breath, straightening his spine.

“Okay.”

The Fix is reaching out to offer him a hand. He takes it.

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also on ao3 (if you'd like to give your local fic writer some contraband dopamine kudos :p)

#dimension 20 #mentopolis #conrad schintz #the fix #justin fication #d20 mentopolis #my writing #my ramblings #not cr #hiiii i'm back just here to drop a super niche d20 fic because this relationship has captured my whole whole heart #both the fix and conrad have such specific speech patterns so this was such a fun exercise #dropout