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#hi. seasonal depression has been kicking my ass so goddamn hard this year. whats up
chrismcshell · 4 months
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northern hemisphere babes we made it to the longest night of the year. we made it. for the next 6 months, every day will give us a little more daylight than the last. let's go. take my hand. climb out of the darkness with me
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ohbillyboi · 4 years
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Lost Boy (Post-S3 Billy Hargrove Redemption) - Ch 2
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Summary: Post S3. Billy’s life has completely fallen apart after the events of July ‘85. He’s started drinking, lost his job, and gotten kicked out of the Hargrove/Mayfield house. Luckily for him, word gets around in Hawkins, and Chief Jim Hopper has a more generous heart than advertised.
A story in which Billy faces his demons with the help of a police chief – and the fourteen-year-old girl he fears most in the world.
Index:
Chapter 1: Hopper Makes An Offer Chapter 2: The Cabin Where My Mind Was Flayed Chapter 3: He’s Your Brother
Chapter Excerpt: Billy was the first to step inside. Moving slowly, he took in the space with sharp eyes. The place was fully furnished, as if its inhabitants could walk right in at any moment. No one had lived here for weeks, though - that much was obvious. The air was stale, the lights were off, and the furniture was covered in clear plastic. It felt strange. Depressing.
The damage was even more obvious from here. A huge chunk of the roof was missing, and the tarp covering the hole cast a weird blue tint over the space. The sound of it flapping in the breeze reminded him of sailcloth, which conjured up images of shipwrecks and desert islands.
Then he saw it: the girl’s room, empty and forlorn. His stomach turned. Fuck.
Chapter 2: The Cabin Where My Mind Was Flayed
Billy was half-asleep by the time they arrived. Hands still cuffed, his head lolled against the window as he drifted in half-formed dreams of sunshine and sheriff’s hats. When the truck stopped, the bounce of the suspension made his temple smack the glass.
“God fucking damn it!” he hissed. He tried to raise his hand to the spot, but encountered the hard metal of the cuffs instead. So he settled for scowling like he wanted to murder somebody. Which, by this point, he very much did.
The engine cut off. Keys jangled as they were removed from the ignition.
“We’re here,” Hop announced.
Blinking away an ache-induced haze, Billy looked out the windshield. Naturally, they were in the woods again. Just a short distance in front of them, a cabin crouched low to the ground, as if trying to hide.
Billy had never been here in his life. And yet, he recognized it.
Stalking slowly through the doorway.
Pinning her to the wall with his stare.
Threats dripping from his lips.
Tears streaming down her cheeks as she gasped, “No. No!”
“Hargrove!”
Hopper’s bark shattered the growing darkness around him. He jerked to attention, eyes on the chief.
“You with me?” the man said.
It took a second, but Billy nodded. Satisfied, Hopper jangled the keys in his hand. “Alright. Let’s do this.”
As the chief opened the squeaky driver’s door and stepped out, Billy turned his gaze back to the cabin. Its windows seemed to glare at him, hating him. Accusing him. His jaw clenched. Hey, I don’t fucking want me here either, so let’s just buckle down and get through this, alright?
Then the door opened, the chief pulled Billy from the truck, and together they walked toward the cabin.
Now that he was out in the open, Billy could see more of the damage. Tarps covered multiple spots on the siding like bright blue bandaids. Off to the left, a pile of debris sat rotting in the yard. On the roof, the largest tarp of all flapped gently in the breeze.
Hopper stopped, grabbing Billy’s elbow to hold him back. He pushed up his hat and gestured to the scene. “I, uh, haven’t been able to do much with it yet. The past few weeks have been… tough.”
Billy’s lips twitched. He knew exactly what the chief meant. There was no shortage of trauma in these parts - especially, Billy guessed, for the girl in Hopper’s care. Shoving away the image of her tear-stained face, he stared apathetically at the cabin, saying nothing.
Hopper took the hint. Clearing his throat, he led Billy to the front door and unlocked it with another key.
Billy was the first to step inside. Moving slowly, he took in the space with sharp eyes. The place was fully furnished, as if its inhabitants could walk right in at any moment. No one had lived here for weeks, though - that much was obvious. The air was stale, the lights were off, and the furniture was covered in clear plastic. It felt strange. Depressing.
The damage was even more obvious from here. A huge chunk of the roof was missing, and the tarp covering the hole cast a weird blue tint over the space. The sound of it flapping in the breeze reminded him of sailcloth, which conjured up images of shipwrecks and desert islands.
Then he saw it: the girl’s room, empty and forlorn. His stomach turned. Fuck.
“The whole roof needs to be reshingled anyway,” Hopper said from somewhere behind him. “Figured I’d take the time to do a quality job.”
Billy swallowed hard. “What--what do you need me to do?”
“Well, today you’ll be cleaning up debris outside. I’ll have to uncuff you, but don’t even think about running. I’ll catch you, and then our deal is off. Understand?”
When Billy didn’t respond, Hopper stepped up behind him. “Hey!” Billy whirled around. “I said do you understand?”
There it was, that steely look again. Billy’s mouth went dry, and he nodded.
“Good.” Producing a small key, Hopper unlocked and removed the cuffs. As soon as they were off, Billy shook out his hands, breathing a sigh of relief at the restored blood flow.
“You’ll need gloves,” Hopper said. He turned and disappeared outside, presumably to get gloves from a shed.
Billy started to follow him, but stopped. A tugging, a compulsion he didn't understand, made him glance up at the hole in the roof. Goosebumps cascaded down the back of his neck as he stared at the luminous blue of the tarp, watched it undulate slowly in a breeze that didn't seem to be there.
Tentacles ripping the roof open.
The girl screaming, holding onto her friends for dear life--
He jerked himself out of the memory with a gasp. Stumbling back, he looked wildly at the cabin around him, then hurried out the door into the sunlight.
Behind him, the shadows chittered and clicked like a monster.
--
Cleaning up debris wasn’t bad. The biggest pieces had already been gathered, and the rest didn’t take that long. After that, though, Hopper decided it would be great fun if he made Billy clear out brush - the long, thorny kind you can pull up with your (gloved) hands. Billy cussed him out for it, but he just smiled and rattled the cuffs hanging from his belt. I could always take you to jail, kid.
Billy shut up after that. Still, he hated every minute of it. The branches fucking whipped him if he wasn’t careful, he could feel his hair getting frizzy, and he’d never meant for this goddamn shirt to get so goddamn sweaty. Also he was pretty sure the thorns were stabbing holes in it, and... fuck.
About an hour in, Hopper disappeared inside. Couple minutes later, he appeared at a side window, phone to his ear, watching Billy work as he talked.
Billy scowled. He thought about giving him the one-finger salute, but decided he didn't have the energy and kept pulling up brush instead.
Eventually Hopper wandered away from the window. He was gone for way too long after that. As Billy took another armful of branches to the pile, he glared at the cabin.
What the fuck was the chief doing? Shooting the shit while Billy worked?
Anger swelled inside Billy like red hot magma. He threw the branches on the pile harder than necessary, then leaned back to crack his spine. Casting another dirty look at the cabin, he shook his head. Fuck you, pig. He took off his gloves, threw them on the ground, and dug in his pocket for his cigarettes.
But of course, of course, he'd only managed to get a couple good breaths in when the chief's voice boomed from the porch.
“Hey! What do you think you’re doing?”
Billy turned as lazily as possible to look at him. “Taking a break. What does it look like?”
Hopper stared at him. Billy could see the wheels spinning angrily in his head as he considered his options. Amazingly, he decided to let it go. Breathing in the fresh air, he leaned against the wall, reaching in his shirt pocket for a cigarette.
“Alright. We’ll smoke. I’ll talk.”
Billy rolled his eyes and turned back to his cig. He listened as Hopper lit one up and took a long, thoughtful draw of his own.
“I got you a job with a friend of mine.”
“You what?” Billy whirled around, eyes wide.
“Mm-hm.” The chief blew a cloud of smoke. “Local farmer. Needs some help this season.”
“You…” Billy could hardly breathe. “You... fucking asshole! That wasn’t part of the deal!”
Hopper glanced down at the cig in his hand. “Not in so many words, no.” Pushing off the wall, he left the porch and sauntered toward Billy. “But keeping you off the sauce was. And you and I both know that if you aren’t working your ass off till sundown every day…”
He stopped just a pace away from Billy. Glared at him.
“...you won’t stand a chance.”
Billy said nothing. Sticking the cig back in his mouth, Hopper grinned. Fucking grinned.
“What, did you think I’d drop my duties and stay here with you every day?” He shook his head. “No. This’ll be your weekend job.”
Billy could practically feel his blood boiling. He should've seen this coming. They always do this - ask for a little, then take fucking everything.
“Fuckin’... prick,” he spat.
Hopper chuckled, but it wasn't a nice sound. There was a sharp, rusty edge to it, like an old switchblade scraping against wood.  
“Feeling's mutual, pal.”
All hints of a grin vanished. He leaned forward.
“Now get back to work.”
Meeting the chief's stare head on, Billy squared his shoulders and stepped back. He flicked his lit cigarette onto the grass - let it start a fire, for all he cared - and grabbed his gloves off the ground.
As he headed into the brush, he could feel the chief's eyes boring into him.
Watching.
--
<---Previous Chapter
Next Chapter--->
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Season 2, Episode 5 - Child’s Play
WELLLLL. This sucks! The emotional fallout for me not the actual episode it’s actually a solid episode.
[21:21] My brain has No Way from Six in a loop in my brain! Let’s fucking watch Ninjago then.
[21:07] Oh! The Bounty has been de-Garmadonned. Neato.
[21:02] :((( poor Lloyd. He’s just a goddamn kid, he shouldn’t have to put up with all this crap.
[20:43] The ninja have just kind of adopted Lloyd and that’s how it be. Don’t remind him that it’s his DAD he’s gotta fight in the end, though. Seriously.
[20:20] What does the script call for when they’re like, making noises but not really lines? Like, does it say (fighting noises) or??
[19:52] Lloyd’s just fucking GOING about the comic he wants the next issue of. I can’t say I don’t do that either on stuff I like.
[19:38] (Jay) “I’m sorry. But you don’t have time for such childish things.” It’s really depressing how fast Lloyd is being made to grow up here. I don’t think the other ninja really want this to happen, either, but Garmadon’s a threat whether people have the maturity for it or not, so I don’t imagine anyone’s got a choice here.
[19:23] Welp, Garmadon broke into a museum.
[18:51] Good semi-adoptive sibling thing here with Nya and Lloyd! That’s sweet.
[18:27] Okay, so the Serpentine are here too, it seems.
[17:58] Fair for Scales to have that little freak out. Where the hell did Garmadone even come from, y’know?
[17:54] uh???
[17:38] Tell the Grundle it’s got too many Gottdamn Canines.
[16:32] Welp, that wording plus the premise of the episode has me thinking that this is about to go horribly wrong.
[15:35] Wait, nothing happened? Okay.
[15:07] Oh, nooope. I was really wrong on the nothing happened bit, huh.
[14:57] Well Aren’t You Fucking Babby Then.
[14:48] I GET THIS IS A LOT BUT WHY OH WHY THE *SCREAMING*
[14:37] (Zane) “Nindroids don’t dream,” ??? what the hell happened in S1.4 then??
[14:29-23] (Jay) “Yeah, but nindroids don’t turn into kids! Explain that, genius!”
(Zane) “I’ve extended my logic parameters, but nothing is coming up!” Fancy way of the writers telling us that it’s just how it is, please don’t question them
[14:21] (Zane) “This… does not compute!” And he’s broken. Nice job.
[14:07] Yeah, I do think that based on this reaction they’re like… 18-whatever the legal driving age in Ninjago is normally.
[14:00] And the police shows up.
[13:51] lOoKs LiKe We CaUgHt OuR cUlPrItS tO tHe MuSeUm HeIsT NO YOU HAVEN’T THOSE ARE ACTUAL CHILDREN YOU BLIND FUCKS OF A POLICE FORCE
[13:40] Like, I get you’re still really upset about being turned into a kid but you’ve got to realise how dumb you’re making yourself to be, Jay
[13:25] like doesn’t the group of them remind you of the adult(?) ninjas??? like, sir. sir. you’re telling me there’s enough ninja cosplay going on in this city for him to just go “welp. that’s kids for you” and arrest them
[13:05] a) the ninja were arrested, because of course they were. b) Lloyd’s reading a comic! Good for him.
[12:42] What even is this comic? Like, it’s got the lightsabers, it’s got this weird caped dude, it’s got this menacing dark figure: what’s even going on?
[12:33] Cut back to the museum. Zane, just do the thing, it’ll get you all out of there.
[12:22] And he did. So that’s nice.
[12:11] Ah shit. The Grundle still was resurrected.
[11:38] Welp, let’s sneak into that school group, then.
[11:22] Why do those kids have extra clothes in their backpack?
[11:11] This teacher’s just checked out. Doesn’t even notice that those aren’t students he knows.
[11:02] Huh. It’s horrifying.
[10:48] djjdjd he’s just having to be lifted up so he can even reach the phone
[10:19] jdjfiesodf
[9:54] Welp. The ninja at least have a meetup spot.
[9:55ish] (Kai) “Psst. Lloyd.”
(Lloyd, quite clearly not recognizing him) “Beat it brat, I’m on a mission.” djdjdd
[9:36] uhhh???
[9:19] Lloyd. Lloyd, you need to drop that laugh.
[8:55] Oi. Lloyd. Eyes off the comic, that’s not going to be useful.
[8:40] Miku???
[8:08] Why don’t we go to Nya and Wu about this? Couldn’t THEY help?
[7:52] I just realised the carpet pattern. I realised it was fucking awful.
[6:57] Vampiric dinosaur. Not the worst concept I’ve ever heard of relating to dinos. That reward goes to Hot Pterodactyl Boyfriend.
[6:50] Those have got to be off brand Lightsabers.
[6:37] Welp, I’m going to count down till the cover’s blown.
[6:33] No, no, I don’t have to worry. Maaaybe.
[6:26] Welp! Lloyd’s the one who likes that comic, please save everyone’s asses
[6:23] star wars???????
[6:19] who are you even parodying at this point writers
[6:12] Cut to Nya and Wu. Nya’s a bit annoyed at the whole “The ninja are gone and so’s Lloyd” thing.
[6:03] And now Lloyd’s called the Bounty to fill the others in.
[5:52] Let’s! Go! Tea! Shopping!
[5:45] Wait. Waaait. She’s the Mistaké I’ve been hearing about? Did I use the right accent e?
[5:34] Tomorrow's Tea. Or as I like to call it, Maturitea.
[5:14] Back at the comic store! Lloyd better get those totally not lightsabers.
[5:01] and Lloyd’s won! noice
[4:45] Wait, no, it’s just the start of the round. And Jay’s found himself some cotton candy or whatever it’s supposed to be called, who the hell knows because I don’t.
[4:30] Honestly, I wasn’t paying attention to the comic earlier. I can’t say I know.
[4:28] Shiiit. He hasn’t read it yet.
[4:22] Weeelp :(
[4:14] ~In comes the Grundle, that fucking monster thiiing~
[4:02] RUN FOR YOUR LIVES, KIDS
[3:47] i’m sorry i can’t take this seriously with your voices i’m sorrrry
[3:42] Welp! it broke in!
[3:29] And they’re taking the suits in the display case!
[3:27] And the totally not lightsabers? Wait
[3:23] djdjjddj
[3:08] And they’ve been smacked across the room because THEY’RE ACTUAL KIDS THIS ISN’T GOOD
[2:57] And Lloyd’s here to get them the hell out of there!
[2:49] light!!!!! LIGHT?????
[2:41ish] Nya kicks the door open and enters! Can we get a hell yeah!
[2:28] Okay, the Maturitea will unfuck this. Okay.
[2:15]. *OH.* OH NO. SHIIIT LLOYD’S GONNA GET AGED UP.
(Lloyd) “Just do it!”
[1:55] Shit. He’s gonna do it.
[1:41] Goodnight, sweet Grundle.
[1:37] I’m not looking forward to seeing Lloyd aged up. He just got several years of his life robbed off him.
[1:19] Ooooh. Oooooh nooo.
[0:55] This really hit me hard and I don’t know why??? What the ufck
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Ayesha Liveblogs Naruto Shippuden S17
It’s ironic that Kakashi is criticizing the logic of Obito’s Hokage stone face plans when he wanted to keep his mask on when they were going to put his face up
Kakashi’s not even fighting back my poor baby
“These Leaf Shinobi, they all act so tough” YOU BET THEY DO
How has no one wondered where Tenzo is the duration of this whole war 
“Nine-Tails, you’re acting kind of like a captain” I can’t believe Kakashi is making friends with the creature who killed his sensei
I guess even massive demonic chakra animals need to rest sometimes
“I’ll make you Hokage inside this jutsu” Obito needs to stop trying to fulfill people’s dreams through murder
I am simultaneously so relieved and frightened that the Allied Shinobi Forces have finally arrived
Sakura my daughter goes straight to healing Kakashi as soon as she arrives I love her so much 
Logically Kakashi is the only one who stands a chance against Obito but I don’t think anyone wants to ask that of him
Ten-Tails is sporting quite a Look 
Jesus Christ haven’t Shikamaru and Ino been through enough
“Shikamaru and Ino’s fathers might say that as Shinobi they’re glad they died before their children” Neji is trying to comfort Naruto about a death that didn’t even happen to someone he loves
The Hyuga are so beautiful and dramatic bless them
I’m so concerned for Neji please don’t hurt him
NEJI NO
“You hold more than one life in your hands” Even Neji’s last words are about protecting Hinata RIP me but mostly RIP Neji fuck
But who is going to be Tenten’s old man husband 
Sasuke for once in your goddamn life please don’t make things worse
“It looks he’s a bit concerned... about Naruto” Even Orochimaru fucking knows about Naruto and Sasuke how much more Extra can they be
I’m not saying it means something that Ino says “optimistic love” and they cut from her thinking of Sasuke to her thinking of Sakura but  👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀👀
“Which is why I keep telling myself, this time, I will protect them, but then I end up having to face the fact I couldn’t once more” Kakashi has tried so hard to protect everyone but especially his Baby Shinobi and everyone keeps kicking his heart in the ass
 Lee has lost his best friend oh no
Hinata’s so metal she just smacked Naruto’s shoulder back into place midair 
Fkfghdjfgkdfhg these cutaways are killing me always switching between Naruto and Sasuke after they’ve said something Gay
“Let’s go... to the place where all the secrets sleep” Orochimaru loves vague drama too like mentor like student
Sasuke misses the Leaf Itachi you woke up his little bitch heart bless you 
ARE WE GOING TO SEE THE HOKAGE COME TO THE BATTLE
MINATOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
For once it’s actually unclear where Sasuke has made things worse or not but I’m very excited
“How, Mr. Orochimaru?” Minato’s so cute and polite event to his enemies
I love Hashirama he’s so beautiful and ridiculous 
“No clan feels deeper love than the Uchiha, and that’s why they suppressed and sealed it away” Tobimara has just summarized Sasuke’s entire life
Listen................. now that we know Uchiha power awakens because of love and Sasuke’s Sharingan awakened because of Naruto........ Sasuke’s love for Naruto is #exposed to the world
“I don’t care, for I am neither innocent nor a child” I mean at least one of those things is true
Sasuke is v bitter about everyone calling him ‘this child’
At this point who isn’t made of Hashirama’s cells it’s like [Oprah voice] “you get a skin graft, you get a skin graft, everybody gets a skin graft!”
Oh no I just realized Minato doesn’t know what Obito has become
Fdfghkjdfhgkfjhg Hashirama and Madara were so adorable 
“To make amends, I’ll let you throw me into the river” HASHIRAMA PLS
I’m not sure what I love more Hashirama’s depressive episodes or his unending snark 
Oh no poor little Senju what has he done except exist
“I considered Madara a gift from the divine” the gayest season of all bless
Madara and Hashirama decided to found a village like most kids decide to form a band
There are so many things which could serve as references to Tenzo but no one is trying to help him
I never expected to have so many feelings about Hashirama and Madara but here they are
[Hashirama as Flynn Rider voice]: Madara you were my new dream
Tobirama wants to propose democracy in a feudal state let’s be real man you created an oligarchy
Hashirama sits on top of his own face to meditate
All the Uchiha want is love and when they get it they’re like “no stop get away from me”
EVERY TIME:
Tobirama: Elder brother’s naivete
Hashirama: [soft indignant gasp]
If Sasuke’s doling out apologies for trying to murder his friends I can think of at least three people who VERY MUCH NEED IT
Madara is hyped af to see Hashirama he’s going wild with glee
Rin used to be a jinchuriki oh no “jinchuriki are treated the same way in every village” :(((
“I won’t be alone,” said Kakashi, before summoning nine puppies
Every time I think Kakashi’s life can’t get any sadder I am wrong
“This hole was opened up by this world of hell” jesus Obito you’re so dramatic
He’s just like Itachi trying to save everyone around him from themselves in the middle of a battle please don’t hurt this sweet and gentle man
I DEMAND that Kakashi live to see Sasuke change he needs this right now 
I CAN’T BELIEVE THAT THESE EPISODES ARE CALLED “HOLE” AND “SOMETHING TO FILL THE HOLE” WHO ALLOWED THIS WHO MADE THAT ACTUAL DECISION
Ten-Tails is completing with Orochimaru for grossest thing alive
“If we’re going to die anyway, we might as well die fighting” SAKURAAAAA
JKGFDKJGHFKJDHGDJHFKJ KURAMA LOVES MINATO
Why does Sasuke say “Sakura huh” as if hasn’t seen her for forty years it’s been like a few months at the most??
“I will become Hokage” SASUKE PLEASE
BOYFRIENDS AS CO-HOKAGE I LOVE IT SO MUCH
Literally everyone on this battlefield thinks Sasuke is Rosemary’s baby and Sakura and Naruto are just like “SASUKE IS OURS NOW GOODBYE”
Shino is so bitter about being ignored for three years that he’s loving the opportunity to make fun of Kiba
“Kiba, well I heard you loud and clear” Hinata sticks up for her bff’s unrealistic dreams
I was a little hesitant about Sasuke coming back to the village after listening to a story from the Hokage but fucking showing up in the middle of everything to declare he’s going to eventually run the village without even bothering to says sorry first is the most Sasuke thing to happen ever probably
I’m so glad Sakura stood up for herself and decided to fight with the boys 
It’s unsurprising that Sasuke’s first real smile in three years was because of an explosion
YASSSSSSSSSSSS SAKURA KDJGGKHFGHKJ TAKE THEM ALL ON
I think Sasuke finding out that Sakura could’ve killed him turns him on a little bit
I love it when Sakura makes boys frown it’s beautiful
Lmao @ Naruto and Sasuke checking each other out on the battlefield 
This is exactly what happens when you put a bunch of teens together they all start flirting and showing off even if it’s a war zone
Sasuke glancing at Sai: Listen bitch I have the monopoly on the dark-haired strategist on Team 7
NO ONE DOES DRAMA LIKE TEAM 7 MY BABIES
“He tried to kill me and it was irresistible” someone get Karin in therapy
I can’t believe the villains are having a weird-off contest
I understand Orochimaru even less than I ever have but I’m glad Gaara’s going to be okay
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