#hhhhh ive gotta get up at like before 6 to work with the fucking machines. bc i said i would test something today but i didn't so tomorrow

[opens-up-4-nobody]

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#me when im feeling normal: lol y do i get burnt out so badly? #also me when im feeling normal: ur not allowed to do anything until u get X things done. u will focus for 8hrs then youll fucking sit there #and focus some more bc u really wanna not be doing X anymore #and my brain is just like wah i dont wanna #im trying to be nicer abt it. like trying to not get so frustrated when i cant focus and get distracted #and then just take a deep breath and start things #but it is weird how for whatever reason part of my brain decides im not allowed to do things until i meet X conditions #its very annoying and is why my life is such a fucking disaster lol #srry for being so chatty today i dont think I've talked to anyone since like friday? or Thursday? #no wait i opened the doors to the lab for a friend yesterday. but i was kinda talking past her bc my brain was like 2min delayed lol #hhhhh ive gotta get up at like before 6 to work with the fucking machines. bc i said i would test something today but i didn't so tomorrow #morning it is. but 1st i gotta fucking start this last application bc i wanna stop having stress dreams #hhhh 8 days and i can go home :-( and then i can stress abt other things #its weird to think abt but idk if ppl realize how little i tslk to ppl. like my socializing is being around ppl in the lab #and i try to go in when theres no one there so a when im stuck in a car with someone its like bro this is the most ive talked all week #i spend 90% of my life in silent isolation and the other 10% talking way way too much lol #but i cant help it. lulls in conversation make me wanna scream. also insert that always sunny quote abt having shit to say lol #unrelated