#he’s on my hulu profile bc my mom pays for it so i just told him use my channel and i see all the stupidest shit he watches 24/7 so annoying

[misandrygalore]

honestly i think my favorite part about being childfree so far in my 20s is like not even just the i’m too broke and not emotionally prepared for kids thing but i have such special relationships with other peoples kids around me like i hang out w my kindergarten/toddler/baby aged cousins just to hang out like i do get paid to babysit here and there but most of the time i’m just like. let me take the kid or they ask to have a sleepover or smth and we just hang out when my sister babysits i go hang out over there just to play w the baby but it makes me very happy bc i remember being very young and all my parents cousins were younger childfree and always wanted to hang out always took me everywhere had sleepovers all the time and it was so fun and they were so cool to me so to be that person now makes me so happy idk

#like i value my relationships w the kids already in my life more than the possibility of having kids of my own #partially bc i’m so unprepared and unwilling to have kids rn but still #actually i think abt this one time very often when my youngest first cousin was abt 9 maybe #i was watching her one day and she had gotten an automatic nail painter for her birthday i think #and we couldn’t figure it out but my cousin who is my age dropped by the house to say goodbye to her bc that’s her brother and his leave was #ending that day or the next day #and he had a glass of whiskey in one hand and the nail painter in the other and spent like 2 hours trying to fix it #and practiced on himself until he got it to work #and then they had like a handstand push up contest ? and then he left #but smth abt that day specifically to me clicked to me i was like officially we’re the older ones now like #these are not our kids but we’re also like. contributing to how they grow up #bc she was so excited when he got there and she was so happy and freaking out and she got so sad when he left #and then i just think abt how i’m the ‘mean one’ apparently bc i still discipline them when they’re with me #not like physically i just talk to them explain things to them i don’t let them act a fool i make them clean up after themselves and shit #and they still always wanna come over always wanna sleep with me always want me to take them somewhere #and i’ve just grown so attached to them #like my cousins graduated hs yesterday and i was trying so hard not to cry bc i remember hauling the one to and from school every single day #and always having him over practically living w us taking him out w his friends before he could drive #buying him lunch and shit going and hanging out w him at home for no reason #he’s on my hulu profile bc my mom pays for it so i just told him use my channel and i see all the stupidest shit he watches 24/7 so annoying #but also it makes me so happy in a really weird way to see him talk all this shit but his most watched shows are like chowder. and naruto #and then idk what it is when we have family dinner every week and my baby cousin looks for me when he’s w the other people he doesn’t see as #often it just makes me so happy to know he has the same bond w me that i have w him even if he can’t speak yet #but then it also makes me kinda sad like his parents haven’t seen him take any steps on his own yet but he took 3 at daycare #and then the other day when he was here he took 2 #so to know i saw that before them makes me sad but i’m also happy i’m like here to witness him grow up #like my cousin is 12 now and i just remember one night sleeping w him when he was like 8 months old maybe #his mom was out partying all night so i was watching him i was like 12 myself #and he wouldn’t sleep at all he was crying all night i spent all night trying to get him to go to sleep #and now i’m watching this mf go through puberty …. it’s like insane to me