#he might be instead or just in general mental illness that doesn't fit the mold of 'nice' mental ills

[bunnyhysteria]

a few people are bringing up depression in response to my shen yuan post, and while do what you want yes, I feel this does go back to how people don't know how to write disabled characters as another person brought into light. including mental disabilities.

mayb now I'm projectin on this one, but seein the absolute cluster fuck of shen yuan, it feels strange to go "it's depression!". I see narcissistic personality disorder, other cluster b traits, I see autism, mayb even ocd. he's a paranoid, hot head mess whose constantly calculating every moment. but people don't really know how to contextualize mental illness, especially not the "scary" ones, even if they have mental illness themselves. just slap on depression and anxiety as a bandaid and don't talk about the rest! it's not that people don't want to go further (or at least I have some faith), I just think our current society has not prepared people to step out of the "nice" mental disorders.

so I don't fault anyone who reduces his nonsense into the socially acceptable depression, but I can't act like that it doesn't make me uncomfortable. but also not uncomfortable enough to directly respond to strangers on the interwebs HSKDHDH.

but I also did want to talk about the depression to slob pipeline as well because that's I suppose the part that gets me. he's unwell, so he's a slob and a disgustin mess. a statement that could be made about someone who has depression, but I have a hard time applying the "he" to shen yuan in this case. I'm personally under the "I care so much about my image that I feel like I'm gonna rot from the inside out" type, and my response has been to hyper clean. clean and clean until I can't clean anymore and so I'm stressed that I can't make my space (and by extension myself) better in a small matter of time. I was once a slob in the past as a teen, but I'm immensely embarassed by it. I'm vain, so I take photos of myself with my backdrop being my room, and I will loose my marbles if someone looks down on me because I threw my pjamas onto my bed while gettin changed. no one but me and my family enter my room. no one else even enters the house.

*picks up shen yuan by the scruff of the neck* yer telling me this rich pretty boy obsessed with tryin to get people to take him seriously wouldn't have an instagram or whatever the equivalent would be?? honestly I feel like it would be expected of him, and he might also flaunt his wealth (that he didn't earn) to try to feel better. if you couldn't tell I'm tryin to shove a superiority/inferiority complex onto him over his status. that's just cause I think it'd be funny I don't have any text evidence off the top of my head for that lmao.

ultimately with all this, I just want something different. I want people to step back and look at shen yuan for who he is and then extrapolate out from that and into how they want to play with his character. I don't know how, with all these complex thought processes and characterizations of binghe, we have landed with a very 2d, copy paste version of shen yuan every time. maybe I just need to dig more into shen yuan fan creations, but I have yet found one to step out of the invented fanon version mold or their small variations. and its quite strange to me given how divorced fanon shen yuan is from canon shen yuan. I suppose I'm not used to a fandom with a character so warped away from canon well accepted. dare I say, ooc.

#svsss #shen yuan #text #mine #shout out to my first therapist who looked at my cluster b clusterfuck and went 'yea that's just depression and anxiety' #mam I have psychosis. #also now I'm briefly thinkin of shen jiu and shen yuan in a blender known as DID. I wonder if that's been done. #I feel like its has to have been??? #I'll look it up on ao3 later. mayb. if I feel like it. I will most likely forgor since I'm not that invested in the idea #also shen yuan doesn't have to be my flavour of mental ill that's not the point of the post. I am sharin my experiences as an example of how #he might be instead or just in general mental illness that doesn't fit the mold of 'nice' mental ills #binghe has bpd though I'll say that. the fear of abandonment is strong with this one #strangely im gonna make a wild claim for a character I relate to but I don't see shen yuan as a bpd bitch #that's a new one in my books. usually every character I relate to I slap bpd on like it's flex tape #but it's just not a part of how I interpret his character and I'm not gonna pretzel him into how I am just because #if I'm gonna project I'm gonna use text based sources to at least say that it could be in chatacter #cause do what you want with characters but at some point of pretzeling yer just slapping a canon name onto an oc #and I'm not clickin on a shen yuan fic to read about your oc. like I'm sorry but I'm just not