#happy vianan day hehe

[juliandev0rak]

Happy Vianan day! 

It’s been exactly a month since the first Vianan fic, Wine and Education was posted! In honor of Vianan’s one month anniversary I am here to offer an exclusive look into Beatrice’s diary.

Words: ~1630

Warnings: prepare for pining

Beatrice Viano belongs to me, Lysander Lonan belongs to @leila-of-ravens​

note: there are links to the various fics we’ve written spread throughout the entries so you can see where they fit into the timeline

January 10th

Dear Diary,

I met Leila’s brother today! I suppose I met two of them, but one was a bit more memorable than the other. His name is Lysander, and I can see why Leila loves him so much. After knowing me for only a few minutes he offered to help sponsor the school, can you imagine that? In a few seconds all of my worries about the school were solved by this near stranger! We had such an interesting conversation, and I must admit it made the masquerade much more enjoyable.

Leila suggested I show him the library and I was more than happy to get away from the party. I only go to those events to make Nadia happy, if Leila and Ella hadn’t been there I wouldn’t have gone at all. As it was, I brought a novel with me, it’s really quite good- but I’ll leave my notes on the book for my reading journal instead.

We went to the library and I’ve never seen someone so excited to be surrounded by books before, it was a bit like looking into a mirror. I remember how excited I was to visit the Palace library for the first time. Lysander offered to help me research curriculum for the school as well, and we’ve decided to meet up tomorrow to begin work. He’s here on a diplomacy visit from Umbra, and I’m very glad Leila thought to introduce us.  

further reading: Wine & Education

————-　♡　————-

January 13th

Dear Diary,

Lysander and I have been hard at work! I hardly take breaks anymore, and I have had little time to update this diary as of late. We have all of the subjects planned, and I’m quite excited by the progress we’ve made. I must admit I find myself a bit distracted by Lysander. 

I’ve never worked with anyone before, and surprisingly having someone else in the library with me isn’t as bothersome as I’d worried. I don’t know why I spend so much time watching him while he works though. He’s very quiet and It’s hard to tell what he’s thinking, I want to get to know him better. 

I hope I get the chance. Leila tells me so many stories about how wonderful he is, but aside from discussions of the school we haven’t interacted much. I think we could be great friends if he would only talk to me.

further reading: Principium

————-　♡　————-

January 20th

Dear Diary,

I think I have a crush on Lysander. Ugh I know. I don’t want it to be true either, because if it is that means I have to deal with it.

I didn’t realize that was what this was at first, but I think it’s time I recognize what I’m feeling. It started so slowly, one moment I was just desperate to be his friend, the next I was thinking about holding his hand and wanting to go on long walks on the beach. I spend more time looking at him than at the books I’m supposed to be reading.

I hate feeling like this, I can barely form a coherent thought around him and I feel sick to my stomach when I think about him. Isn’t a crush supposed to be fun? The other night it really hit me how attractive I find him, and since that moment I can’t stop thinking about him.

He looks like one of those mythical heroes from a painting, all broody with his dark hair and eyes. And I’ve noticed little things about him now too, the way his nose is slightly crooked, the way his eyes have tiny flecks of other colors in them behind the dark. It’s driving me insane. I really don’t know what to do.

And, he’s Leila’s brother, which makes me feel guilty? Which doesn’t even make sense, I know she wouldn’t be upset if I told her how much my feelings for him have grown. I think she already knows I like him, and she’s trying to help. It’s very kind of her but it just makes me feel worse because I know he’ll never notice me.

further reading: Earl Grey

————-　♡　————-

January 21st

Dear Diary,

Here’s a list of reasons why I shouldn’t have feelings for Lysander:

He’s sponsoring the school and we’re technically colleagues, it would be unprofessional

He’s a lord, and aside from the difference in our stations I know that my mother would be far too pleased at my interest in a lord, so for that alone I should stay away (I can hear the “I told you so” from beyond the grave...)

He lives in Umbra and plans to return at the end of the month

He would never have feelings for me in return, I’m far beneath his notice and it’s probably for the best

If he ever were to like me back and things went wrong I could jeopardize my friendship with Leila, and I would never want that to happen

further reading: Apron Strings

————-　♡　————-

January 22nd

Dear Diary,

Here’s a list of reasons why I do have feelings for him, despite my previous list:

He’s so kind and more importantly, he does kind things on instinct. He lends me his coat when the library is drafty, compliments people without knowing he’s doing it, and treats everyone as an equal even though he’s a lord

He’s good, he’s fair and just and honest, and he always wants to do the right thing 

He’s so intelligent, and he sees the world as a problem to solve. He makes me believe that there’s really a way to solve it all, a way to make the world the way it should be

He makes me want to be better. He makes me want to be kinder, work harder, and focus on how I can help those around me, he makes me want to stop living inside my own head

He cares so deeply about the people he loves. I see how he acts around Leila, and it makes me so happy to see him so lighthearted and carefree, he’d do anything for her and it’s so endearing 

He’s incredibly attractive. Ok fine I had to say it, but look it’s all the way down here as reason number six! There were five perfectly noble and less vain reasons before this one. But really, his good looks are impossible to ignore at this point, try as I might 

I’d follow him to Umbra just to find more reasons to add to this list

Oh dear, it seems the pros outweigh the cons.

further reading: Three Dresses

————-　♡　————-

January 30th

Dear Diary,

I think I’m in love with Lysander. 

I say “I think” because I’ve never really been in love before. I think I’m supposed to feel happy, but instead I just feel stressed, and I have no appetite or desire to do anything other than think of him. I don’t think he’ll ever notice me, and no amount of wishful thinking will change that.

Everywhere I go I find myself looking for him. Every time I close my eyes I see him, he’s even in my dreams now. I don’t think I even knew how deeply I felt for him until last night.

He’s going back to Umbra tomorrow, and last night was our last time working in the library together. He walked me back to my room as usual and when he turned to leave I nearly burst into tears. I know I’ll see him and Leila today, and tomorrow before he goes, but I can’t help but feel like I’ve lost my chance with him forever.

He hasn’t given any indication that he likes me as anything more than a research partner, or perhaps a friend if I’m lucky. It hurt to watch him walk away and to know that’s the last time he’ll ever walk me back to my door. It’s such a silly thing really, I shouldn’t have gotten my hopes up, but I have,

He’s so much more comfortable around me now, he smiles, he laughs, he jokes with me, Every smile just gives me hope that I know I shouldn’t rely on. Leila’s still trying to help but honestly it’s no use. I think maybe I’ll just have to love him from afar, like I do fictional characters from my novels, or historical figures. (It’s not my fault that the hall of portraits in Vesuvia has some very attractive portraits...) 

————-　♡　————-

February 1st

Dear Diary,

I’m in love with Lysander.

He’s gone back to Umbra and he’s taken my heart with him. Though he promised to write me letters, I know it won’t be the type of letters I hope for. Still, I want to have him in my life in any way possible. I lent him one of my favorite books. I hope he thinks of me when he reads it, even in passing, even just a little. 

I noticed as he was leaving that he had a spot of chalk on his sleeve, as he turned around to wave at me one final time. That’s the image of him that I’ll remember when I miss him, when I lie awake at night unable to think of anything but him- his face, his voice, the feel of his hands brushing against mine, the smell of the tea he always drinks, the way I imagine he would feel lying next to me.

I’m in love with Lysander, and though I know better than to assume he has any affection for me, I still send my love with him across the sea. I hope one day I can follow.

#happy vianan day hehe #sorry to expose your diary like this beatrice #vianan shall rise #i just really love them ahh #vianan #lysander lonan x beatrice viano #lysander lonan #apprentice beatrice #she’s like... research colleague is hot? is funny? does not compute #i feel like this took on such a sad tone but 👀 don’t worry they’ll be fine #yes beatrice fell in love fast but who could blame her it’s LYSANDER 💗