#guess this'll be a lifelong thing then

[plant-dad-sulu]

So I go by Nick with most of my friends at this point and use any pronouns and theyre all very good about switching it up sometimes but one of my friends primarily refers to me as "he" which is cool i dont care but it didnt register to me as an issue until i met up with him and some of his straight friends a while back and on seeing me they all had identical looks on their faces like they were short circuiting and one even asked my friend "this is Nick?" At which point i realized they were probably expecting a cis man and not a fem person in a crop top with boobs and so on and now i eagerly await the day i meet more of his friends just to see it happen again because why have a gender if ur not gonna be funny about it

#nottrek #gender stuff #it was on the same level as when i was getting a tour of a new job #and the person was like 'and womens bathrooms are over there! ...and... gender neutral is... there' #because my hawaiian shirt threw them off #or when people would be talking to a group of girls and me and go 'and we all get boyfriends!' or whatever and then #after a moment 'or girlfriends' #that moment of hesitation where they realized they just said something Straight or Cis #and remember i am there and give off queer vibes #guess this'll be a lifelong thing then #hilarious let me at them

[evalli]

i hesitate to ramble or dump too much on here, but it's certainly not going on Twitter anymore so this'll do

this is lifelong ND problems that seem to be worsening with time. i struggle to tell the difference between someone wanting to be left alone and not being all that interested in a friendship or engaging in conversation or doing things together, or thinking the same thing i am and hesitating or really depressed, or busy, caught up in life, and that's why they're quiet or seem far away. I've always felt like such an alien but it's getting worse

It's easier to continue compartmentalizing this shit. i wish i felt like enough or someone's first choice, i guess

#sorry i had a hard week and i am just #In my feelings today