#grownpale ❖ rustin cohle﹙ do your thing but you ought to know ⋄ we just make it up as we go. ﹚

[akuzeisms]

  CONTINUED     ⤷ @grownpale

At this point, she was surprised he’d joined her. Pleasantly so, but she was. Their reunion was more than awkward, but he was one of the last people she expected to agree to what was… well, effectively about to be a suicide mission. And that was assuming they even found what they needed to about the Collectors; they were still working on that part. Right now, she needed people—people that she could trust.

“Uh… Kat’s—fine.” Rubbing her neck awkwardly, she smoothed her hair down over her shoulder, shifting her weight from one foot to the other. “I mean, technically I’m not Commander any more, since I’m not active duty. Not with the Alliance, anyway.” Sure, she was in charge of the ship—its commander, in a sense—but she felt odd having him call her that. It felt too formal, too unfamiliar, even if she’d earned that level of respect.

Nevertheless, if he wanted to call her that, she wouldn’t fight it. “Uh… anyway, the airlock here leads to deck two, so we’ll start… here, I guess. To the left here is the bridge—not cockpit, though if you call it that, Joker will probably giggle like a little schoolgirl about it for a week,” she muttered, rolling her eyes. Peering around the corner, she could see their pilot’s chair was empty; now that she thought about it, Joker had mentioned something about eating a real meal on the Citadel. “Joker’s our pilot. Well—Joker’s his nickname. Flight Lieutenant Jeff Moreau.” Leading him down the long path away from the bridge, she stopped in front of the large room before them.

“And this is… well, where all of the action happens, mostly: The CIC. Galaxy map keyed to biometric data, so only I have access to it unless access is needed by someone else for whatever reason. Oh, I should also mention that, uh… the ship itself is equipped with an AI. Shackled, but… yeah.” Even still, she was wary about EDI, even if the AI had proven useful. “So if there’s any questions you have and I’m not around, EDI probably has the answer.” She led him around the CIC, pointing first to one side. “Armory’s over there. I’ll let you look around there later; Williams offered to get you set up with some gear. She’s… a bit of a firearms enthusiast, so if there’s something in particular you want, she’ll find a way to get it. Other side is the tech lab, and Mordin said he’s working on something, so we’ll visit that… later, probably.” Better to leave the overly chatty salarian to his own devices, after all.

#grownpale ❖ rustin cohle﹙ do your thing but you ought to know ⋄ we just make it up as we go. ﹚ #me2. ❖﹙ just another day when all that i want ⋄ will mark me as a sinner tonight. ﹚ #grownpale #is she lowkey hurt he’s not using her name? maybe >.> #( it’s okay rust it’s all in her head at the moment it’s not your fault ) #but it’s not wrong to say it’s the law of the land—Chakwas (the doctor) comments on it at one point #basically saying that it’d be “disrespectful” to call her by her first name (because they never do in-game) #space hero and all #i figured split the tour into a few replies so he gets to like. enjoy how things look lmaooo

[akuzeisms]

  CONTINUED     ⤷ @grownpale

She’d been so deep in her own head about their mission that she hadn’t heard him come through the door. She’d made it clear he was more than welcome to spend time up in her cabin; he was one of the few people she’d freely allow in the space without much fuss. He’d nearly startled her standing behind her, though as usual she didn’t so much as flinch… at least, not until she realized what was exposed as she stood there.

Her… “new” skin. Her unmarred, untouched skin—which she’d been doing her damnedest to keep covered and hidden for her own comfort. There were a lot of new scars. Well… new, in a strange sense, more like. Scars that weren’t going away, that were more like open wounds with the faintest glow underneath them. Like the ones on her face, there were scars on her body, albeit small ones… and no matter what happened, they refused to heal, refused to diminish in nature, like they were taunting her. Reminding her of the other scars she’d lost; of the scars that used to define her.

“…yeah,” she replied softly, debating his words. Maybe now was the time to talk about them. He’d seen her old scars; he’d seen how they marred her body, covering a significant portion of them like a canvas painted with her suffering. Those scars were gone; there was no bringing them back, not with how her body was now. But maybe… maybe he’d understand. Maybe he’d see what was going on in her head, see how much she felt like a stranger in her own mind.

With one deep breath, she spoke quietly. “When I… died, it uh… I don’t—really know the details, exactly, Miranda’s probably better to ask there, but uh… Those are—cybernetic scars. They’re scars leftover from when Cerberus—under Miranda’s directive—well… rebuilt me. They’re the same as the ones on my face; it’s from the… ah, what did Chakwas call it… synthetic proteins—what my skin is now made of, I guess—not properly healing. When I get… upset, they sort of… burn, and itch, underneath the skin. They’ve been like that since I’ve woken up, and they just… refuse to heal.” Some small part of her knew exactly why that was: Chakwas had said it was directly tied to her psychological state.

#me2. ❖﹙ just another day when all that I want ⋄ will mark me as a sinner tonight. ﹚ #grownpale ❖ rustin cohle﹙ do your thing but you ought to know ⋄ we just make it up as we go. ﹚ #grownpale #the silent admission of “i’m not okay and i haven’t been since i woke up” #really he’s the only person she’ll even dare admit that to

[akuzeisms]

@grownpale tell me this ain’t Rust and Kat 🥺

#grownpale ❖ rustin cohle﹙ do your thing but you ought to know ⋄ we just make it up as we go. ﹚ #music. ❖﹙ they say the road to hell's paved with good intentions ⋄ why did they never mention what's real and in between? ﹚ #sobbing hhhh #Spotify

[akuzeisms]

   ⬐ @grownpale ⬎

icons only + when she sees rust again

#answered. ❖﹙ pleasure fused with pain ⋄ this triumph of the soul will make you shiver tonight. ﹚ #grownpale ❖ rustin cohle﹙ do your thing but you ought to know ⋄ we just make it up as we go. ﹚ #grownpale #the immediate happiness for like 3 seconds before the “oh… right it’s been two years” #followed by the immediate wave of remembering him losing his daughter + his divorce (which i assume she knows about/was told about by him) #and then the fact that it means she left him… therefore immediately guilty conscience #(even if she’s aware it’s not really her fault she still feels it)

[akuzeisms]

@pessimistics asked:

slap or kiss :)

“If he’s being a reckless idiot, of course I’m going to slap him. Doesn’t matter how damned cute he is. But most of the time… kiss. He deserves it. Hell, I think we both do, after all we’ve been through.”

#answered. ❖﹙ pleasure fused with pain ⋄ this triumph of the soul will make you shiver tonight. ﹚ #rust makes her soft ;; #...but also if he gets reckless she’ll absolutely give him the gears for it #( and be grumpy if he does the same because she’s also a reckless ass motherfucker ) #grownpale ❖ rustin cohle﹙ do your thing but you ought to know ⋄ we just make it up as we go. ﹚

[akuzeisms]

@pessimistics asked:

your lover going to walk away, but you grab them and pull them back in for a kiss before they go.

She’d come for one of her rare visits, but unfortunately… the job came first. That was how things were for both of them; there was the job, then there was their relationship. For most people, it just wouldn’t work; the need to prioritize could often break a relationship. It helped, though, that they had a mutual understanding of that need to prioritize; Kat just hoped they could continue making it work.

But she didn’t want him to leave just yet. Her hand reached out, catching his wrist and tugging him back before she pulled him in, pressing her lips to his with a somber smile. Not yet, she thought to herself. Just… a few more minutes. Maybe she wanted to savour it… or maybe, she was going a little stir-crazy. Breaking away, she let her fingers trace his cheek and along his jaw, her expression softer than ever.

“Look… Are you sure you don’t want me to come along? I know I’m supposed to be on leave, but…” But she felt odd just–taking time off. She didn’t feel the same if she wasn’t solving problems somewhere. It felt like she was sidelined, in a way, even though that wasn’t the case. And she worried–she’d always worry–because she knew what horrible things were out there. “And before you say anything about me being a liability or you worrying about me, I’d like to remind you that I don’t need a weapon, because I am a weapon.” For once, she puffed up proudly about that; she could most certainly handle herself.

But there was also one other caveat. “And, you know, if there happens to be any red tape you’re being stopped by…” She lifted two fingers, making a snipping motion like her index and middle fingers were a pair of scissors. “I can be very useful.” Truth be told: she was bored sitting around all day. There was no adrenaline, nothing to keep her mind going… and the more that happened, the more she thought about things she wanted to forget.

#answered. ❖﹙ pleasure fused with pain ⋄ this triumph of the soul will make you shiver tonight. ﹚ #me1. ❖﹙ one more goddamn day when i know what i want ⋄ and my want will be considered tonight. ﹚ #cmon rust take her along with you #imagine her cutting through any red tape that’s stopping him from doing his job tho lmao #marty being like: “can we keep her she’s efficient damn” #but also she’ll back up rust bending the rules if he needs to lmao #grownpale ❖ rustin cohle﹙ do your thing but you ought to know ⋄ we just make it up as we go. ﹚

[akuzeisms]

@pessimistics asked:

Hugs her, as he should.

A small smile spread across her features as she felt warm arms around her waist from behind, eyes closing as she leaned against him, savouring it. She knows she needs to; moments like this are rare for them, or have been, at least. Better to take them while she can.

“Hey there, handsome.”

#pessimistics #me3. ❖﹙ people can no longer cover their eyes ⋄ if this disturbs you then walk away. ﹚ #so soft ;-; #grownpale ❖ rustin cohle﹙ do your thing but you ought to know ⋄ we just make it up as we go. ﹚

[akuzeisms]

@pessimistics sent:

✿

send me a     ❛   ✿   ❜       and I’ll talk about our muses in some capacity  ;  be it a headcanon or a plot idea that I’d love to write!  Don’t be scared to send this in if we haven’t interacted,   an idea or something magical might happen !!

Oh man, I have So Many Thoughts™️ about these two, in all honesty.

Honestly I really like the idea of how they met: just some random encounter set up by someone else. It’s cheesy but that’s kind of what makes it cute imo! But also, them just kind of keeping in contact a lot while she’s away and kind of giving each other something to look forward to. They’re both kind of introverted and a bit reclusive because of things that happened to them, but they look forward to gifts/messages/the like from each other, and I think that makes their time together something they really cherish. In Kat’s case, I think it’s nice to have someone who understands dedication to the job (since his career has a very similar “the job comes first” mentality) but also, at least for her, he’s kind of a quiet escape from the absolutely wild parts of her life.

But also the angst of her dying? God, I can only imagine what that did to him, how that destroyed him, and her coming back? Hard to say which of them it was worse on, though; Kat herself is pretty messed up by the whole ordeal, & tbh I think she even feels guilty about it, & the other events that happen to her definitely don’t help. (That being said, having him around when things get rough will definitely help her in the long run 😭 this woman has way too much on her shoulders, she needs a quiet escape from the chaos of her life).

#answered. ❖﹙ pleasure fused with pain ⋄ this triumph of the soul will make you shiver tonight. ﹚ #honestly i could go on and on about these two forever #100% come the third game he’s like… her little safe space and she’ll probably never admit it #grownpale ❖ rustin cohle﹙ do your thing but you ought to know ⋄ we just make it up as we go. ﹚

[akuzeisms]

@pessimistics asked:

[  NEEDED  ]  sender approaches receiver and kisses them longer and more passionately than they ever have before. 

She'd spent the last hour pacing in her cabin, long before even sending the message. They were docked on the Citadel--the deepest she could get into Council space--and she'd made sure to send a ticket for a fast-packet flight. If she was going to meet with him, she certainly wasn't going to make him foot the bill to get there. If she went anywhere near Earth, she was pretty sure they'd be arrested and detained. At least on the Citadel, she had enough pull and authority that she could pull it off. But her gut still twisted uncomfortably at the thought. Two years. What was she to do with two years? Leaving him alone, like that? And she knew what he'd been through. It'd been hard enough on her friends losing her--what would it have done to him?

Just looking at him made her feel guilty, and she knew she couldn't mask it from her features. She was waiting for him to yell at her like everyone else had; she was waiting for the blame, the anger, the demands about where she’d been, why she was gone for two years, all of it. She anticipated the anger, and she anticipated how she’d deal with it: the same way she dealt with everything else. Shut down. Take it. Concede defeat.

As far as she was concerned, he had every right to be angry. She’d left. She’d abandoned him. For two years, she’d been gone without a word, and she’d waited months to reach out. Anything she’d say would sound like an excuse; that she hadn’t had time, that things happened so quickly, that she had other, more important things to worry about, lives at stake…

“I’’m so--” Her apology was cut short as he’d marched right up to her, hands on either side of her face, and kissed her. She was frozen with momentary surprise at first; it wasn’t exactly how she expected to be greeted, but it wasn’t unwelcome. Familiarity took over as she leaned into it, like a part of her craved that familiarity, the comfort that came from it. After all, what had been a little over two years for him was merely days to her, like she’d woken up and the whole world had changed.

#me2. ❖﹙ just another day when all that i want ⋄ will mark me as a sinner tonight. ﹚ #pessimistics #see she wouldn’t cooperate she wanted to be angsty #let rust kiss space gf like she’s a miracle #( don’t tell him but she desperately needs it she’s a MESS rn ) #( he might be the only one she’ll admit she’s *not okay* to ) #grownpale ❖ rustin cohle﹙ do your thing but you ought to know ⋄ we just make it up as we go. ﹚

[akuzeisms]

@pessimistics

#music. ❖﹙ they say the road to hell's paved with good intentions ⋄ why did they never mention what's real and in between? ﹚ #okay this is 100% intended for when she yknow DIES because it fits BUT #you might also like it for some of rust’s history 💖 #( for once it’s one of their. not. heavy. rock. songs. LMAO ) #Spotify #grownpale ❖ rustin cohle﹙ do your thing but you ought to know ⋄ we just make it up as we go. ﹚

[akuzeisms]

@pessimistics asked:

"Show me how much you missed me."

The last few months of her life had been chaos. Complete and total chaos. And somehow, she made it out the other side. She was lauded a hero, praised and made to deal with far too much pomp and circumstance. She just wanted something... normal for once. Earth was normal. Rust was normal. And they hadn't had any time together since she left; sure, they'd communicated by emails, video calls, but that was it. They were simply two people with jobs that kept them infinitely busy.

She hadn't expected to miss him as much as she did. But she did. Dearly. And when she expressed that, only for him to challenge her, she felt... bold. Bolder than she might've been before the recent chaos, but some part of her felt empowered by that challenge.

"Oh?" One blonde eyebrow cocked, the corner of her lips twitching into a smirk. She was quiet, contemplative, debating. "Well, I do have this room all to myself." Fingers laced with his, taking slow and deliberate steps backward further into the room, hips sashaying a little. "So maybe it'd be nice to have some company." She didn't have to look to know where the bed was; she pitched backward, tugging him along with her with a soft laugh.

"You might regret challenging the Saviour of the Citadel, like that, detective" she chided with a soft chuckle. Tugging him down, she pressed her lips to his, one hand snaking its way up his chest to play at the open collar of his shirt while the other ran up his arm to the back of his head, her fingers tangling in his soft hair.

#pessimistics #me1. ❖﹙ one more goddamn day when i know what i want ⋄ and my want will be considered tonight. ﹚ #me on angst brain: what if this is the first time he sees the real extent of her scars :O #...if yes she might show a little hesitation ( sorry rust there's a lot of them and few people get to see... ALL of them ) #should i mention timeline-wise where I set this she dies a few weeks later? no? too late #grownpale ❖ rustin cohle﹙ do your thing but you ought to know ⋄ we just make it up as we go. ﹚

[akuzeisms]

  CONTINUED     ⤷ @grownpale

Lately, it feels like they don’t get much time to do… anything, really. Everything was happening rapidly, before they could even process it; they were flying from system to system, with new war data coming in by the second, her team organizing it, her coordinating back and forth with Hackett and the rest of their allies… There was no such thing as a break for her. Even sleep was hard to come by; any time she tried, she’d find herself plagued with nightmares fueled by her own uncertainty about every decision she made.

But shore leave meant a reprieve. She was beginning to understand why Anderson had strong-armed her into taking the apartment off his hands; there was a certain atmosphere to it, one she found more relaxing than she’d expected. Maybe it was enough for her to fall asleep; maybe it wasn’t, but at least resting wouldn’t hurt.

That kiss was enough to get her attention, though; her cheeks visibly pinkened at the gesture, the shyest of smiles crossing her features. What better way to spend it than with him? She was more than grateful to have him her. He kept her sane, kept her grounded through everything, even when things became more and more strained. “I’m just… glad you’re here.” Shaking her head, her thoughts turned momentarily somber. “If we’d left you back on Earth… god, I can’t imagine. It’s bad enough Anderson’s down there, but…” She wouldn’t have been able to think straight if he’d been left down there, too.

Heaving a sigh as she tried to push the thoughts away, she snuggled down further, tugging the sleeves of her sweater down over her hands as she tucked in against him, closing her eyes. “Just wish I wasn’t so damn tired. I should at least be allowed to have fun on shore leave. Not… sleep.”

#me3. ❖﹙ people can no longer cover their eyes ⋄ if this disturbs you then walk away. ﹚ #grownpale ❖ rustin cohle﹙ do your thing but you ought to know ⋄ we just make it up as we go. ﹚ #rust she will LITERALLY fall asleep on you if you let her buddy #(she needs the sleep and MAYBE she’ll get some ACTUAL sleep >.>) #tbh she probably gets a few hours before she’s woken up by nightmares and that’s it

[akuzeisms]

@pessimistics cont'd ;;

Hinting? Her? No, never. She shook her head, rolling her eyes and shaking her head. He looked awfully comfortable sitting on her bed; she was glad he was at least reaping the benefits of her rank. She leaned against the wall, datapad in hand as she swiped through a few reports, glancing up at him briefly as she did. There was no such thing as 'good' news, no matter which reports she looked through.

With almost every ounce of her willpower, she set the datapad down, mentally telling herself: twenty minutes. If she didn't at least take one break, then she'd stress herself out, and with the way things were going... it was going to be a lot of work--on her plate--for them to have a chance at winning this. Everything was riding on her. If she failed, they were all doomed.

Taking a seat next to him, that soft smile was back as she let one hand gently run up the length of his arm. "I said... there's a lot of advantages to being on an advanced warship," she repeated, a small smile coming across her features. "Something I... haven't always been able to take advantage of." At least, not the way she was implying. There wasn't much she could do; unless something came in that was an emergency, they had nothing to do but remain in transit. Of course, that could be at any given time... no matter where they happened to be.

One of those advantages, she had no problem demonstrating: stretching up just a little to close the distance, she pressed her lips against his, her kiss soft and gentle as one hand traced his jaw, the other lightly tangling itself in his curly hair. She held the kiss for a while before pulling back, leaning her forehead against his as she closed her eyes.

"I'm glad you're here," she whispered, wishing she could mask the undertone of worry in her voice. "I can't imagine having left you back on Earth..." The chaos. Death. Destruction. It was bad enough Anderson was there; she couldn't imagine having two of the most important people to her down there. At least here, even if he came groundside with them... she knew he was safe. She had people she could trust with his safety, whether it was in the hands of their skilled pilot, or under the guidance of her trusted comrades in a firefight.

#pessimistics #me3. ❖﹙ people can no longer cover their eyes ⋄ if this disturbs you then walk away. ﹚ #i'm sorry my replies never end up short LMAO #as usual her spice lasted 0.5 seconds before she went soft af #sidenote she has special blankets actually but that's not to do with her rank #they're basically special anti-static blankets/bedding because... biotics make her build up small amounts of static electricity in her body #so yknow when you accidentally shock someone? yeah she does that if she touches anything metal #( and more frequently in general than the average person would ) #there's actually a joke about it in the third game that one of the characters makes lmao #grownpale ❖ rustin cohle﹙ do your thing but you ought to know ⋄ we just make it up as we go. ﹚

[akuzeisms]

@pessimistics cont'd ;;

She knew he was overwhelmed by all the new places on the ship, but she couldn't help teasing him a little; he was figuring it out little by little, and at least for the most part, he'd managed to find everything. She wasn't expecting him to know every little nuance; the most she needed him to know was where the mess hall, med bay, captain's cabin, and armory were. Of course, she knew he could tell he wasn't in the armory, and was just playing along with her teasing.

"Commander," she corrected gently. "Which, I know, is confusing. I'm the captain of the ship, or commanding officer, but officially I'm still a Lieutenant-Commander." She paused. "And a Spectre. Which just complicates things so much more. And I won't even get into marines who still use the army ranks over the naval ranks, even though they serve on naval vessels..." She wouldn't even get into that. It was difficult to explain how she followed the law, yet didn't have to. More like... a personal law of her own.

Her smile softened, hand reaching up to gently pat his cheek. "You're cute when you try." And it's something she greatly appreciates. "You are catching on pretty quick, though. I hope you haven't had to ask EDI too many times for directions." Not that EDI would have a problem with such; it was one of her many duties around the ship.

"Only twice in the last day, Shepard," EDI chimed over the comms. "Mr. Cohle has resourcefully found his way around solo, for the most part."

#me3. ❖﹙ people can no longer cover their eyes ⋄ if this disturbs you then walk away. ﹚ #i had to continue this one he's TOO CUTE for her to resist #EDI = the ship's artificial intelligence LMAO #she's a cool robot lady in the third game but just a disembodied voice in the second lol #grownpale ❖ rustin cohle﹙ do your thing but you ought to know ⋄ we just make it up as we go. ﹚

[akuzeisms]

@pessimistics sent:

😳

"Oh... Uhm--" Well, that wasn't something she expected to hear. Not that she didn't believe him, but...

"I uh... thanks. I--you're, uh..." pretty too? No, pretty wasn't the right word. "...handsome yourself."

#answered. ❖﹙ pleasure fused with pain ⋄ this triumph of the soul will make you shiver tonight. ﹚ #pessimistics #fancy tag? fancy tag-- #( it's lyrics from pulse by icon for hire if you wanna look it up! ) #anyway good job rust you FLUSTERED her #her little brain short-circuited for a second #grownpale ❖ rustin cohle﹙ do your thing but you ought to know ⋄ we just make it up as we go. ﹚