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cheetahing · 1 month

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prince li xiangyi and assassin di feisheng fic meme fill from discord. requests are still open, please feel free to send some in!

assassination may be his trade, but killing itself isn't a skill di feisheng takes much pride in. death sorcerers are raised on it after all; no one is praised for breathing. given the choice, he prefers to be efficient — quick, clean, discreet. it's the circumstances around an assassination that often require greater skill, but this particular assignment seems straightforward. there's no extra lessons or briefings, just a time and date, a location. it seems this princeling has a habit of riding off into the woods alone. it's not di feisheng's place to speculate, but this hardly seems to necessitate someone of his quality. perhaps they simply wanted to get him out of the fortress; the less busy he is the more time he has to plot his next escape attempt. failure doesn't faze him, but he's too valuable to keep benched; it's his token appearance of obedience and ability to lie through his teeth that keep him from being chained up in the dungeon or outright killed.

the sound of hoofbeats pulls him out of his thoughts, the lines of his body shifting from stoic boredom to barely restrained flight in an instant. the horse is white, because of course it is, and the boy on its back is dressed all in red, hair streaming behind him in a tail. if he's younger than di feisheng it's not by much, but people die the same regardless. the moment he's in range, di feisheng launches himself out of the treetop, palm extended with enough force behind it to kill. the fist that meets it is enough to surprise di feisheng into leaping back if the impact wasn't, the horse wheeling off into the forest with a squeal and its rider whirling off its back almost too fast to follow. interesting.

no less arrogant on foot than on horseback, the prince laughs, peering at di feisheng with bright eyes. "who are you?" he asks, dancing nimbly out of the way of di feisheng's hands. "so bold, to be attacking an imperial prince in broad daylight."

di feisheng doesn't reply, eyes narrowing behind his half mask. perhaps this is why. they trade blows, crisscrossing the road, throwing up leaf litter and dust, sunlit in patches. di feisheng's heartbeat picks up speed to match, rushing blood through his veins to the air in his lungs. something dim and nearly dead roars back to life inside of him, singing in harmony with the nameless blade he unsheathes from his back. he hasn't needed it in so long, but this... this is different.

"li xiangyi," he says, because he did read the dossier, "i will kill you."

"oh?" says the prince, catching di feisheng's blade against his own with an ease that belies the strength behind it, "shouldn't you at least tell me your name first?"

he should not. but, "di feisheng," he says, because here, here is a worthy opponent. here is someone he could spend his life chasing, were things different.

"ah," says li xiangyi, leaping lightly up onto a tree branch. "and may i ask why you want to kill me?"

di feisheng stays on the ground, staring up at li xiangyi backlit by the sun through the leaves. so cavalier with his life, this boy, smiling and breathing fast like this is a sparring exercise. "i don't know," di feisheng says honestly, because it's never been his business to know, "but it's your life or mine."

#mysterious lotus casebook #di feisheng #li lianhua #dihua #feihua #fic meme #dfs doesn't manage to kill him that day #but he can't go back to di fortress while lxy is still alive #so begins the legend of prince lxy's shadow #where they fight a lot and fall in love #and maybe someday lxy helps him solve the di fortress problem #or maybe they die together #you decide

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exit-path · 2 years

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Tumblr Post Compilation: A Masterpost

First of all, let me tell you what you're about to see.

This is a list of 118 "funny tumblr posts" taken from YouTube compilations in 2016. I tracked down all these posts on tumblr myself in Nov 2021. The post is broken up into two parts, and is available under the cut. Each of the links is named after a snippet from the actual post (effectively the "punchline"), and clicking on it brings up the full post, which you can reblog and interact with.

These posts are nostalgic to me because I watched these YouTube compilations before I came to tumblr. I recommend you scroll through these posts, as they bring up a form of humor that's rarely seen today which, I think, has almost been lost to time. Also, if you want to learn how to do this, there's some insight as to how I did this at the end of the post.

(This masterpost is a revision of this post, necessitated because the hyperlinks don't work anymore.)

1. outrageously angry man returning a lawnmower and it was our dad

2. Italian exchange student said “Look, the compressed horse.”

3. “im eminem!” “and I’m skittles?”

4. I JUST MISTOOK ANOTHER STUDENT FOR A TRASH CAN

5. he ate the reeses cup then stabbed himself with the epipen

6. “GODDAMMIT, MR. NOODLE.”

7. school on lockdown because someone put weed in the vents

8. Can’t cheat with those big ass galaxy phones

9. weirdly self-conscious about wiper blade speed

10. My brother told me not to slam the door and yell “Guess who’s home, motherfuckers”

11. drove by traffic camera 6 times thinking it was funny

12. drill sergeant made kid carry around potted plant to replace the oxygen he wasted

13. A list of things that do not offend people:

14. kid grabbed seagull out of air, all his friends were like “again tyrone?? really??”

15. “LOWERCASE LETTERS ARE FOR THE LOWER CLASS”

16. drunk man proposes to tree, gets rejected

17. “i’m on my way, the traffic is just slow, i’m coming” “mom i called the house phone”

18. a kid’s phone started siri, TEACHER STARTED EXPLAINING IT AGAIN

19. “watch my stuff” what if someone comes and actually tries to steal it

20. our goats think that now whenever they pee they get a treat

21. “it’s for your own good”, mom deleted the internet explorer icon from my desktop

22. a girl called me a lying slut because I was with her bf a lot. we’re siblings

23. I watched an old couple set off their car alarm and drive away… now that i think about it-

24. Rules to learning English: their our know rules

25. a kid got expelled for pretending to be russian for 8 months

26. a girl said she had two moms and a boy started crying, he said it wasn’t fair she had two

27. when a girl changes her clothes in front of you, she hasn’t spotted you in the tree yet

28. my mom is telling me “get a good job” but my heart is telling me “marry rich”

29. my parents split after they made me. i am a volcano. follow for more geological humour

30. I’m saying “excuse me” but I really mean “why the fu-”

31. nun goes “I’m allowed to look at the menu I just can’t order”

32. Hospitals are so weird

33. handed their BLIND SON a menu and he’s like “ah… thank you… I’ll just… read this”

34. on April Fool’s his mom called to say she was in labour, dad laughed and hung up on her

35. “why do I fear bears? because Chester Zoo is 30 miles away and bears can smell fear”

36. dropped her ipad but held tight to her pizza

37. her parents faked a british accent in front of her until she was 7

38. really religious girl who told people off if they swore, gets sworn at

39. he took her to the supermarket to watch the lobsters fighting in the lobster tank

40. so i was the official shia labeouf myspace but i was in fact a 12 yr old canadian kid

41. subway thief told suitcase has “a bunch of laptops” ends up stealing a dead dog

42. “I guess working in fast food just wasn’t my cup of tea”

43. I waited until the professor handed back the papers and angrily asked where mine was

44. so i started trying to kill classmates with my mind

45. my favorite thing is ask 14/15 year old kids on dates if they want a kids menu

46. I blacked out in Disney World, woke up with Mickey Mouse putting a cold towel on me

47. “wanna date me? yes: smile no: backflip” and she did a backflip

48. “do you wanna kiss” “excuse me” he pulled out a bag of hershey’s kisses

49. when beyoncé asked all the single ladies to put their hands up I looked at my bf and

50. 7th grade, his world of warcraft friends threw him a virtual birthday party

51. “she’s the bro and y’all bitches are the hoes”

#exit talks #tumblr culture

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soul-dwelling · 6 months

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I have thoughts regarding the Maka's mom discourse.

I am way more favorable towards Maka's mom (while not ignoring the flaws--in the writing for her in the anime and the manga, not flaws with her or her actions exactly), and without ignoring Spirit's obviously larger in-story role for his daughter (without ignoring Spirit's own flaws as a husband and still-there-but-not-as-bad flaws as a parent).

Short version, in case I can't respond in more detail: if the crux of the argument is, "Maka's mother abandoned her," that is a valid evidence-based argument--but it's not the first leap I make.

And it's not one that I think has enough evidence to address numerous counter-arguments.

These include in-story/Watsonian counter-arguments. We haven't seen or heard about all the times Maka's mother came back to town or wrote to her or what she was doing that necessitated her to be out of town. And the DWMA is pretty much a boarding school, while certain students have their parents in town there are enough of them who traveled from around the world to attend this school, Maka strikes me as someone who is self-sufficient enough to live practically on her own. And there are numerous ways a parent is there for their child, even if not physically present.

And these include the meta/Doylist counter-arguments, that begin and end with Ohkubo just not being that good at writing. The easiest fix was to just tell us what Maka's mother was up to. But for whatever reason, he didn't want her around, and the likely reasons aren't great: "it'd be boring seeing Maka and her mom getting along" (then figure out an angle--the anime already gave you one with how Maka describes her mom, just imagine this absolute beast who Maka admires as the greatest person ever), "writing women is hard" (even though, despite himself, Ohkubo has enough cases of being competent or even good at it, give or take fanservice-bait crap).

But there are enough justifications that at least mitigate how bad the writing is. Maybe this is done for an allegorical reading: a lot of children don't have all parents living near them, so Maka's experiences may resonate with audience members whose parents are divorced, too. And as I said, the DWMA is practically a boarding school, so why would any of their parents be there? The response to that would be, what about how Maka's dad, Black Star's adoptive dad, and Kid's dad are all here in Death City? My flawed response is, they are the main protagonists, of course they have parents here, we want to progress their characterization by seeing how they bounce off of parental figures. And, to the benefit of their progression, the presence of their parents largely helps the story. Showing Soul's parents in Death City wouldn't have helped when his story is all about angst; showing Liz and Patty's mom would undermine that they have trust issues with authority figures; showing Tsubaki's parents...actually would have helped her a lot (seriously, why do we see her dad but not her mom--what, was she on a mission with Maka's mom, too?). But we need Maka's dad here to establish her trust issues, we need Sid here to establish just how rambunctious Black Star is and how seemingly relaxed Sid was in taking care of him, and we need Lord Death here as a reminder of what Kid is aiming to become but also the risk of just how badly Kid too could screw up this job.

I don't really have a conclusion to this post, seeing as I hope to have a more detailed response to certain posts another time.

But thank goodness we got one last appearance from Maka's mother, that still didn't answer a damn thing about her, just gives us a picture to slap onto the wiki, all thanks to a prequel no one was asking for. (Yeah, I can't stop myself from derailing a post to beat that dead horse.)

#maka's mother #long post

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theuniversitychallengereview · 2 months

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Like Riding A Horse Into Battle

This is the story of how I became a knight (for approximately fifteen seconds).

My journey back from a lovely weekend in Oxford visiting a friend (saw some geese, drank some beer, watched a National League football match) necessitated two changes and went via London (via Didcot Parkway) because Sunday train timetables don't make any sense.

I got into Paddington and cycled through to Euston with the commentary of the Man Utd - Liverpool FA Cup match in my ears. So far so smooth.

Not for long. Chockablock at the Euston concourse. A crowd to fill twenty trains packed underneath the schedule screens, staring at page after page of delayeds. Signal failures between two places you've never heard of meaning every single route in and out of the station was in disarray.

Denied entry to the first train which left, I joined another thronging queue. We could see our train on the platform but no one was allowed through for about half an hour.

Twenty minutes into this interminable limbo, an Avanti staffer told us we could also queue in the adjacent concourse (both of which had access to the platform in question, but one of which had been empty). Ever the instruction follower, I moved over into the new zone, but when they opened the gates they only opened the ones for the old zone, prompting guttural groans from a number of men who felt that they (specifically) had been duped into joining the new queue for malicious reasons.

We did get through, eventually. But only after those from the original zone had been allowed to stampede like suitcase-laden wildebeest for about thirty seconds were we permitted to join the charge ourselves.

Spotting my bike, a staffer-cum-commanding officer yelled at me and said I was needed at the front. Or rather, he said I needed to be quick if I wanted to get to the furthest carriage before the train filled up and my bike wouldn't get on. But what I heard was that I was needed at the front.

Swinging a leg, I mounted my steed and did as my General had asked of me, absolutely nailing it past everyone else on the platform like I was riding a horse into battle.

Time stopped and I was King of Euston.

Pulverising these poor pedestrians with the prodigious power of my pedals.

They, lumbering, sluggish, lugging their cumbersome luggage. I, flowing, free, zipping transcendentally past them. So many people in such slow motion.

Time restarted, I dismounted.

A normal human being once more. But a normal human being with early access to the unreserved seats. The battle was over.

A few weeks ago I wrote about the fact I will never get the chance to be an elite athlete. This might be as close as I will ever get.

But on to eight people who have already experienced this, competing as they have done at the sharp end of student quizzing all series.

This is the last of the ten quarter-final matches, and sees Trinity take on Birkbeck.

Each have won and lost one of their previous matches at this stage, and its too close to call. If you want to watch the episode before reading the rest of the post you can do so here.

The winner will join UCL, Imperial and Manchester in the last four. If Birkbeck win there will be three London Unis in the semis for what would surely be the first time ever. Let's see if they can do it; here's your first starter for ten.

Jaksina attempts a bit of humour in his intro, saying 'I should be doing a masters in genetics, but instead I'm here', and while I'm not going to slate him too much, I think he should probably stick to the genetics once the tournament is over.

They manage none of the bonuses, and Bannerjee gets Trinity off the mark with Hero on the next starter. Caldera and Mesa gave them two of the three bonuses on geographical terms in Spanish, before Bannerjee gave them the lead with Einstein.

It's McMillan vs Bannerjee on the buzzer so far, and the Birkbeck man picks up his third of the evening with the picture starter, an extract from Sir Gawain and The Green Knight (who had a horse, which was also green, but not a bike). Demonstrating solid knowledge of medieval poetry, they take a hat-trick on the bonuses. The Chronos Quartet gave McMillan a fourth starter, and Strasbourg a fifth (with a neg from Bannerjee in between continuing their control of proceedings).

This must have given Henderson a taste for glory, because she was back at it with a rapid buzz of John Donne on the very next starter, breaking the duopoly. Another hat-trick on the bonuses tied the game.

Chadha continued the bright new post-McJee age with nucleation to grab the lead back for Birkbeck, but it didn't last long, with a superb Jaksina answer of Paraguay equalising for Trinity, and a Henderson bassoon nodding them ahead. The Cambridge side have really hit their stride now, and take a third consecutive 3/3 on the bonuses to take their biggest lead of the game.

Having hibernated for a few minutes, McMillan returns with Edith Cavell on the picture starter. Mixing up Marlene Dietrich and Greta Garbo leaves them 15 points adrift, but Kang takes charge with beryllium to put Trinity back in control.

He then pulls a magnificent educated guess of Cairo Station from the clue 'Egyptian transport terminus' on their first bonus. This kind of answer is absolute quizzing gold, based on nothing but word association, and Trinity are delighted by it.

An early buzz of Vienna by McMillan is wrong, and when Kang picks it up with Prague you sense that this is the end of the road for Birkbeck. It was the correct tactic to buzz in early, but these things don't always go your way, and his rueful shake of the head tells us he knows it's over too.

Rajan slates Kang for missing a bonus on a South Korean city, but it doesn't matter. Their place in the semis is already assured. Birkbeck 100 - 165 Trinity

A tight match up until the final few minutes, in which Trinity pulled away. A valiant performance from Birkbeck, especially McMillan, but they weren't quite good enough on the day.

The semi-final lineup is now complete, with my predictions coming 75% true.

Trinity

Manchester

UCL

Imperial

The first matchup is Imperial/Trinity followed by UCL/Manchester. I can't wait, see you there.

#university challenge #bbc2 #cambridge

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casspurrjoybell-19 · 7 days

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Does it Matter? - Chapter 56 - Part 1

*Warning: Adult Content*

Maric and Dara had reached the river now and Dara let out a little whistle that seemed almost reflexive as he waved Farah towards the water so that she could drink.

"My family's ranch was in a valley like this one. They're the only places there's enough moisture in the ground for grass to grow."

"Do you think it's still there?"

Dara shook his head.

"Not a chance. We talked about leaving many times before everything happened but it was a big commitment when we didn't even know for sure anything would happen and we felt so safe where we were. We were safe where we were. We had about twenty horses, including our big stallion. All yenkarth. It would have taken a small army to get through them."

"How did you get taken, then?"

"That simply wasn't where we were when the attack happened. A small group of us, including me, were in town. It was absolute chaos. We rode away back towards home but we passed by a little boy who had been hurt and I stopped. I don't think any of the others realised I wasn't with them anymore until it was too late."

"I'm sorry."

Maric wanted to say more, wanted to talk about how he couldn't help but feel partially responsible but he'd said it all before and he didn't want to make this moment about his own feelings.

Dara accepted the sympathy with a nod.

"Anyway, I don't know where they'll be now. I was young. I didn't listen to all the contingency plans and even if I had, that was a long time ago. They could be anywhere by now."

"We'll find them," Maric promised.

"These are rare horses, you said. There can't be that many people breeding them."

"True," Dara acknowledged.

"That's likely how we'll find them. We weren't the only people breeding them, of course but we did know everyone else in the business. You have to swap studs to keep your bloodlines healthy. If we find one breeder, they might be able to direct us to my family."

"I wonder what your family will think of me."

"I don't even know what they'll think of me. I was a little boy when I was taken. My whole personality was shaped by being a slave, for better and for worse. It's interesting, honestly because there's both confidence and insecurity in that mix. Insecurity is obvious enough but I also don't think I'd have quite the nerve I do now if I'd only ever been a local healer working on my family's horse ranch."

"I'm sure they'll love you. Perhaps that's a strange thing for me to say because my father is a loveless monster and my mother abandoned me so the inherent love of family is hardly something I believe in but I just can't imagine anyone not loving you."

Dara tilted his head to the side.

"And you think you're any less worthy of love?"

Maric was silent for a long moment, his head a mess of thoughts.

"I don't know. I was going to say something about my status necessitating higher standards but I suppose that doesn't have a whole lot to do with whether I deserve the love of my own parents."

"I don't know much about your mother and I'm not sure you do either but everything I know about your father suggests he's just a bad person. There's nothing fair about that. It doesn't reflect on you."

"I know. Even as a child, I saw that. I think it's just one of those things where knowing doesn't help."

"I can understand that. Believe me. I know if I let you penetrate me, you would be gentle and we could stop at any time. I still don't know if I ever will."

"You don't have to, Dara," Maric said as they paused in front of a shoulder height line of rocks that trailed down to the water's edge, blocking their path.

"I don't want you to even try unless it's something you're excited for and honestly, I don't expect you to ever get to a place where that's the case. Sex, for me, is about the joy of sharing physical pleasure and you're the person I want to share that with. It doesn't matter what form it takes. It matters that we both enjoy it."

"Speaking of," Dara said as he picked the blanket up off of Farah's back and climbed onto the rocks.

He jumped down on the other side.

"Come here. You promised you'd tell me what happened with Brayan."

Maric followed, leaving Farah to graze on the other side.

Dara laid the blanket out on the ground.

Sitting, they wouldn't be visible from the other side.

"I'm starting to understand why you wanted privacy," Maric said as he sat down next to Dara on the blanket.

"We won't always be able to walk so far from the group when we're travelling, you know."

"I know," Dara said as he undid his shoelaces.

"I don't need complete privacy but I didn't want to disrupt Bug while he was sleeping."

"Hmm."

Maric tugged off his boots.

"I have every right to ensure we have our own tent but I'm not sure how logistically reasonable that is. If we don't share with Brayan and Bug, I think they would need one of their own for things to be comfortable for them. We took tents from that camp so we have enough that we could do that but it would mean the rest of the men get less space than they otherwise would have."

"I'm fine with the two of them. Really. The other men..."

Dara's face pinched.

"It's not that I dislike them or even that I distrust them but I'm not comfortable doing anything where they can see."

"Hey."

Maric reached a hand out and stroked Dara's jaw.

"That's completely reasonable."

"I'm not the only one who matters here, of course but that's my perspective. Now..."

Dara slid a hand up under Maric's shirt.

"What happened with Brayan?"

"Hmm..." Maric said, slowly unbuttoning his shirt from the top down until he could press his hand over Dara's against his chest as he contemplated how to relay the events of that afternoon in a way that was something other than depressing.

"It's not a very long story, I'm afraid. I brought him into my room. We had a bit to drink. We got naked, ground against one another. That's all that happened."

Dara slipped Maric's shirt off over his shoulders.

"You didn't even take the opportunity to do something I would be unwilling to do?"

Maric let out a huff of laughter as he tugged Dara's shirt off over his head.

"I wasn't really thinking opportunistically, I'm afraid."

"What are you thinking now?"

"That I want to put my mouth on every part of you."

"I won't say no to that."

Maric carefully laid Dara down on the horse blanket and started with his neck, kissing at first as he trailed down to his chest and then swirling his tongue around Dara's nipple.

Dara tasted saltier than usual.

He could feel Dara's muscles tensing as he involuntarily squirmed.

He sucked the nipple into his mouth and let his teeth brush against it before moving away and trailing a line of kisses down Dara's stomach.

Dara was prepared for what came next, squirming out of pants that he'd already unbuttoned.

He let out a moan of both relief and desperation as Maric swallowed him down.

Dara was no longer shy and anxious, no longer so desperate to please that he struggled to fully enjoy himself.

He was needy and demonstrative, making little sounds and arching his back.

Maric unbuttoned his own pants, grasped his own cock and synchronised hand and mouth.

Dara came with a gasp and Maric continued working his own cock as he swallowed around him.

By the time Dara was panting and spent, Maric found his own release.

"Sorry," Maric murmured as Dara ran his finger through some of Maric's semen that had found its way to his stomach.

Dara smiled and shook his head.

"We have our clothes off and a river right here. I would say I could do with a bath. Care to join me?"

"I would like nothing more."

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