#get so fixated on fiction i let it seep into my subconscious. oh well

[merevide]

2 in the morning, trying to not fuck up putting on nail polish and i just remembered nat scatorccio is dead in the dirt actually not coming back going cold in the earth permanently eternally fucking DEAD. what the fuck.

#genuinely considering breaking out the eyeshadow and the eyeliner just to beat my face and take it all off so i don''t have to think about #this. haaaahahahahahaha like wow. hm #this thought doesn't hit me until it does god i swear if s3 opens with nat's funeral. god #dont ask me what i'm doing up at 2 in the morning putting on nail polish shhhhh thats not the point here shh #how do i talk about this with a therapist in a totally casual way that doesnt scream i have no social life and #get so fixated on fiction i let it seep into my subconscious. oh well #my text #delete later maybe possibly who knows how i'll feel about this in the actual morning #yellowjackets