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the same seat || cody and charlie

𝐖𝐇𝐄𝐍: summer’s lake house // summer 2021.

𝐅𝐄𝐀𝐓𝐔𝐑𝐈𝐍𝐆: cody x charlie.

𝐓𝐑𝐈𝐆𝐆𝐄𝐑𝐒: suicide mention.

𝐃𝐄𝐓𝐀𝐈𝐋𝐒: cody is thinking about his life, and charlie comes to give some helpful advice.

He took off running before he had even fully exited the house. Grabbing a cold bottle of water from the fridge he took off to his favorite path. Cody loved the lake house. It had always been good to him. Except the times it hadn't, but he didn't want to think about that right now. After running a ways, he tucked into the trees and down towards the cliff he liked to sit on. When he was a kid: him and Charlie had discovered this little area as they played knights. Charlie always got to be the king. He was older. But now Cody came out here when he needed to think. He stood at the edge, and thought about how long it had been since he was here and he was wrecked. Once the breakup had happened, his dad had let him come out here on his own. He stayed in the house for days, letting himself rot away.

[FOUR YEARS AGO] Cody sat on the edge of the cliff, watching rocks plop down to the water. He felt so fucking worthless. Like no one could ever be bothered. His dad was kind enough to let him out of the house, to give him a place to grieve his relationship, but he hadn't thought to come with. No one had thought to reach out, and he was able to just ... be alone. For a house full of people, Cody was lonely. He didn't have friends. No one was checking on him. People didn't care. Everyone was so consumed with their own shit that they didn't even notice that he was gone. Then he thought about how he hadn't cared about anyone but Alexandra for the last year. How he was never there for those people that he called friends. No wonder they didn't want to be there for him. Cody fucking sucked. Just another Summers that's not Charlie. He wasn't going to let anyone in like that again. He felt so stupid for opening up like that. Letting someone hold his heart in their hands, it was pointless and he was broken.

Cody tossed a rock into the water before sitting down on the familiar and worn down stoop. Like people had been coming out here for decades to think about everything. He wondered if his dad had ever sat out here. If Charlie had. If his grandfather had. That's when he heard someone coming in the distance.

Charlie was headed out to his favorite thinking spot. This might be one of his favorite places in the world, he had proposed to Alice on the dock. They had spent a great weekend out here, and before he knew it they were going to be married. He was going to be Mr. Alice Altman and that brought a smile to his face. But he wanted to visit his old favorite spot, the place he went to whenever he was mad or sad. Sometimes when you're so happy you look at the relics from when your life was falling apart and smile because it just got so much better. That's when he saw his brother, a carbon copy of him. Sitting on that same stoop. "Hey kid, do I have to tell you not to jump?" said Charlie with a smile. Cody was probably just taking a break. There was no reason to be genuine in these moments. Then he saw the expression on his face, and switched tone. Charlie popped a squat next to his brother, Cody moving to make room for him on the edge. "Trouble in paradise?" said Charlie looking over at his brother, "this is kind of the shitty life hangout. Don't tell me this morning had that much of an effect on you. We just wanted to bust your balls a little"

Cody tried to buck up when he realized it was Charlie, but he was so stressed thinking about how his parents were only happy now that he was with Bella. Like a nonverbal agreement that he would be a good person. Like he wasn't one to begin with. Like he wasn't enough for them because he wasn't Charlie. "You wouldn't get it, your life is a little to perfect for you to get it" said Cody as he gatekept his emotions. There was no way that Charlie would understand anything. Charlie and Alice had basically had the love story of a lifetime. Childhood friends and also forbidden loves. Then they had spent all of college together, still making time for friends and school and sports. They had their whole life planned out and then everything went according to plan. Nothing went wrong for them.

Clearly, Cody didn't remember the long road it took for him and Alice to get to where they were. Or that fun year where Charlie wore eyeliner and was uncomfortably emo. To be fair, Charlie had spent a lot of that existence in his room and then funny enough ... in France. "My life is not perfect. I work with my least favorite person in the world. I spent college constantly worrying I was letting people down by not being able to put enough time or attention into anything because I spread myself too thin. Not to mention I spent high school avoiding parents, shipped myself to France, and definitely missed my first ten shots with the love of my life" Charlie explained as he threw a rock as far as he could, watching it splash in the distance. "I spent a lot of time out here angry at the world, just throwing shit because I didn't know how to handle anything" said the boy as he looked at the horizon in the distance. He remembered back when he would sit here, his eyes burning from crying, yelling into the void while looking at the same horizon. It wasn't so scary these days. He had a lot to live for. And a lot less to be angry at. "The thing is, I don't think she would be the love of my life if I had taken any of those shots. I needed to sit out here and be really angry at the world for doing me dirty when it was just life"

In moments like these, Cody was reminded that he knew just as much about Charlie as anyone else in town did. Which is that he knew what Charlie wanted people to know: that he was in love, that he was good looking and successful at a young age, and that he cared about people. Cody grew up by his side, but the person next to him was a stranger. "I really thought A.P. was the one. That she was my Alice" said Cody in a moment of honesty. He didn't want to think about how badly she played him. How she just wanted a little pet project and how she cut him off from the rest of the world. How he had started to treat people because she put rose colored glasses on being the most envied person in the room. That he thought people needed to be a little terrified of you for you to have it all. If people aren't jealous then you aren't doing enough.

Charlie couldn't believe he was still on the A.P. thing. It had been four years. Cody had definitely dated since then ... but before Bella. Right? Charlie realized in that moment that he had no idea if Cody was dating any of those guys or girls at family functions. He didn't really remember them, they were never at the next one. Their parents were never too pleased either. "But things with Bella are good?" said Charlie, "and no one is going to be your Alice. There is only one. Again, please don't jump". Charlie didn't know that his life had had such an impact on Cody's expectations on life. He felt kinda guilty for never being around, it was just that the house was so toxic when him and Alice weren't allowed to see each other. So he was gone as much as he could be. It was just easier. Now he got that it wasn't easy for everyone when he made those choices.

Cody took a deep breath, "you can't tell parents or any of your friends. You can tell Alice but she cannot tell Katie. If you don't think she can handle that then you can't tell her. Brothers honor" said Cody before shaking Charlie's hand. When they were children and had an argument, their dad always made them have a gentleman's agreement which essentially just meant a handshake. So they shook hands, Cody thought he was going to out the secret in that moment. But he found his lips lying for him, "I don't think I love her. I feel like shit, I shouldn't be allowed to date. I might be a robot at this point" said Cody, it wasn't all a lie. He didn't think he was capable of love at this point. Whatever he felt for Alexandra Preston was not love. It was a trick of the mind, and he wasn't sure he would ever get there. Not that he would let himself love Bella even if he wanted to. Good thing he didn't want it.

Charlie put a hand on Cody's shoulder, "just give it time. I see the way you looked at her this morning. There was something there. Love doesn't come rushing in, it gets you slowly" said Charlie, "but I will leave you to be angry and sad at the world for doing you dirty". Charlie knew the world wasn't doing him dirty, it was just life. But that was for Cody to understand with time. "Take care of yourself, and if that means having someone in your life that cares about you like that ... keep her around" said the boy as he got off the ground and headed back towards the lake house.

Something there this morning? When they were both about to commit a murder? Charlie's social skills had really taken a dip. Cody took a deep breath though, "thanks man" he said, thankful that his brother was checking on him. Someone was checking in, someone cared. And it was all because of Bella. She made all of this without even trying. He threw a rock instead of just letting it drop, seeing the ripples in the water. That was like the effect of dating her. Rippling into different parts of his life that he wasn't even expecting, not that he even wanted to be in the room with her right now. She made him want to scream. // END

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