#ftr my favourite penguins are little blue penguins they're 100000/10 in my heart

[nedlittle]

a Very Scientific rating of every species of penguin

emperor penguin

7.5/10 i appreciate their majesty and that these two are holding hands but their very long spindly beaks and the fact that their eyes aren’t really visible is a bit uncanny valley for me personally. i respect them very much but would not want to hug, they’re tall enough to do significant beak damage to me

baby emperor penguin

11/10. stupendous. showstopping. adorable. incredibly soft looking. i want to pick up an armful of them and snuggle. if i die because i got smothered by baby emperor penguins then you should just respect my decision and let me die because that’s the ideal life and death

king penguin

8/10 essentially the same problems as their larger counterparts but because they’re shorter i feel safer around them. an emperor penguin could take out my eye if it tilted its head back. a king penguin would probably just stab me in the boob which, like, free top surgery

adelie penguin

7.5 they’re cute and funsized! they’re very clumsy on land which is endearing! however they’re also apparently prone to weird sex stuff which is Bad. 

chinstrap penguin

8/10 i like the facial hair! very dapper lil friends. famous gay penguins roy & silo are chinstraps so i respect that. unfortunately they’re considered the most aggressive species of penguin which i don’t think is very nice

gentoo penguin

9/10 i like these little friends a lot! i’m a big fan of their white stripes and their long tails. they’re the fastest swimmers and gentoo is a cute name. no complaints

little penguin

10/10 the teeny tiniest penguin species! beautiful colouring! wonderful and accurate name choice! barely over a foot tall at maximum and they’re also known as fairy penguins? the perfect bird. a wonderful friend.

white-flippered penguin

9.5/10 a colour morph of the little blue penguin, but still a valid species! these pals are nocturnal which is very neat, they’re the only penguin to do that! however, their colouring is slightly less cute than their blue cousins

magellanic penguin

9/10 i like their patterns! this lad in particular looks like he could be in a caspar david friedrich painting and has a very wise and pensive look to him. i would trust this penguin to teach me about aristotle

humboldt penguin

9.5/10 belly spots. ‘nuff said

galopagos penguin

8/10 the only species found north of the equator and the second tiniest species after the little blue penguin! i like these penguins very much however there’s something about their heads which throws me off. they look ducklike, the beak is almost like that of a platypus which is perplexing

african penguin

10/10 more cool band markings! more belly spots! but the thing that really elevates this penguin is that that they’re also known as jackass penguins which is derived from the braying sounds they make, not a crack at their temperament. i love that. 

yellow-eyed penguin

10/10 the first of many yellow-accented penguins we’ll see! i love that they look like they’re wearing little masks and their pink wings are lovely. new zealand recently crowned the yellow-eyed penguin bird of the year and i must join in and praise these wonderful birds

 fiordland penguin

11/10 this penguin looks like danny devito. a perfect specimen

snares penguin

7.5/10 i have a healthy amount of respect for these friends but must admit that they look very Severe and remind me of tense family thanksgiving dinners :( sorry snares penguin

erect-crested penguin

8/10 a very unfortunate but incredibly accurate name. i am in awe of how this penguin’s crest appears to fully invert the laws of physics. stephen schwartz wrote defying gravity after seeing the erect-crested penguin for the first time

southern rockhopper penguin

9/10 as someone with dark, bushy eyebrows, this penguin is an inspiration to me. i’m printing out a collage of the southern rockhopper penguin to serve as a vision board so i can fully live out my eyebrow truth

eastern rockhopper

9/10 this penguin is a california surfer named kale. that’s not a critique of its aesthetic or general vibe, just an observation

northern rockhopper penguin

9/10 the northern rockhopper’s crest is less like bushy eyebrows and more like perfect 90s hair. their mating rituals include singing (cute!) and head ornaments, though with a crest like that i don’t see why extra ornamentation is needed

royal penguin

8.5/10 this fashion-forward baby proves that frosted tips never go out of style if you’ve got the panache and confidence to pull them off and by god the royal pengui has panache and confidence

macaroni penguin

9/10 it’s named after a type of pasta. what else is there for me to add?

#long post #penguins #animals cw #ftr my favourite penguins are little blue penguins they're 100000/10 in my heart #the ghost of joseph dalton hooker possessed me to make this post to deal with the stressful day i've had #please don't @ me i know macaroni penguins weren't named after pasta