#ft. catholic race. he's always catholic but it's kind of the whole fic this time

[agentsnickers]

stille nacht

Christmas is a complicated time, Race thinks.

He wants to look forward to it, to remember past holidays fondly. There were good Christmases when he was young, when even the factories were closed and his family would pull together a nicer meal than usual, with extra pennies saved up for months. But those Christmases are as long gone as the fading image he has of his parents, of his siblings.

Christmas now is more worry than wonder - will he have enough money to eat, to pay for a bed? Will he have a jacket that fits or shoes that aren’t worn through? Will all his friends make it through the winter?

And even beyond the worries, there is work. Race has made it his own duty to get the younger boys presentable for Mass (the ones who go, at least, as a fair chunk of the boys aren’t Catholic or even Christian). He gets them all sorted into their least shabby clothes, jackets on and scarves - for those that have them - straight and neat.

Jack sits next to him at church. They’ve made Midnight Mass the tradition, right and proper like Race’s Mama always insisted. Christmas morning is for carols. Jack fidgets, always. He doesn’t always come on Sunday anymore - most boys don’t, the money too tight and the draw too little. Race doesn’t let him skip Christmas or Easter, though, and Jack only pretends to whine about it because he knows it’s important to Race that they go together.

So Jack sits next to him on one side - fidgeting, stumbling through prayers because he barely comes nowadays - and he’s got one of the littlest boys on the other, a recent orphan sniffling his way through Adeste Fideles. The little one mumbles something to Race after about his Papa liking that one, and Race pulls him into his side, pressing his cheek against his hair to murmur comfort and not caring when a lady turns and shushes them from the row in front.

“Anyone wanna carol in the morning?” Race offers as they troop back to the house, the little one still tucked close under his arm.

There’s a few vague responses, largely in favor, and then suddenly some of the older boys are running up ahead fa-la-la-ing entirely too loudly for the hour. Race laughs. He’s glad to have someone to remind him of the fun of all this, when it’s so easy to get lost in the rest of it.

By the time they’re back in the lodging house, it has calmed somewhat from bright, playful fa-la-las to Mike and Ike trying to teach the other boys the words to Silent Night in the original German, the way their mother taught them.

Race curls up in bed, listening to the sound of soft voices with clumsy accents gently echoing the lullaby back to their teachers. He’s always liked that one, and sung by the boys it’s easy to imagine Him as a poor kid, too.

They get looks in the church sometimes - none of them as put together as they’d like to be, though Race makes sure they’re all clean and relatively presentable - like the better-off people wish they didn’t have to remember that poor kids with no parents can be godly too.

At Christmas, Race thinks, the kids with no place to go and complicated parentage are probably the most like Him out of everyone.

He lets the boys’ carols lull him to sleep, thinking of the morning. They’ll go out and hope for generous passersby to toss them a coin or two, bright voices and pink faces in the crisp winter air enough to win a sympathetic soul. Maybe there will even be snow.

(It’s early enough in the season yet for snow to still be fun and not stressful, not worn down into slush that seeps into shoes or hiding icy patches that could take Crutchie down for days.)

Race’s family feel like a pleasant memory - his siblings’ voices mingling with the boys’, his mother’s favorite Mass of the year finished - rather than a heavy shadow lingering with him.

Christmas is complicated, but tonight all is calm. All is bright.

The rest he can sort in the morning.

#merry christmas everyone :) #this is a little bit character study a little bit holiday musing #racetrack higgins #newsies #finn writes fic #ft. catholic race. he's always catholic but it's kind of the whole fic this time #also ft. me looking up when silent night was translated into english