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popculturebuffet · 2 years

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Monthly Muppets: The Muppets Take Manhattan: Meh In Mahattan (Comissioned by Emma Fici

Hello all you happy people and welcome back to Monthly Muppets, your slice of monthly muppety madness funded by readers like you.. you specifically Emma Fici, my friend who funds these and picks out each months selection.

Today we look at the iconically titled Muppets Take Manhattan. While they weren't the first to take the big apple, their the ones who popularized it with everyone from jason to ghostface having taken it ever since. I mean I assume that'll be Scream 6's title , why else set it in new york. C'mon paramount, cm'on radio silence, let it be Ghostface Takes Manhattan. Me's in the area concur it's a great title. Their your target demographic: Aging orangutans who watch a lot of dead meat and children's cartoons!

Yeah! I feel good about this. So on that high Muppets Take Manhattan is notable for a lot of reasons: It's the last film in what i'm now calling "The Henson Trilogy", the three films starring Kermit and Co done while Jim was still alive, the ones most people think of when they think Muppets movie (along with Christmas Carol and Treasure Island), and some of the works that helped define the troupe outside of the muppet show.

This film is also notable for being the solo directing debut of Muppet maestro and mean green mother from outer space Frank Oz, who co-directed Dark Crystal with Henson. With a massive workload and pure exaustion from directing two films back to back, and that's on top of launching Fraggle Rock around the same time. He needed a second to catch his breath so he put the operation in Frank's first class hands.

This film also had a notable absence: Jerry Juhl, long time muppets writer and the man who wrote the previous and next two films. He was a supervisor down at Fraggle Rock (Clap clap) Down at Fraggle Rock, so it fell on his other Great Muppet Caper Co-Writers, Jay Tarses and Tom Patchett to pick up the pace. Problem was they went in the same direction as caper and while I would've loved that, Frank wanted something more grounded, especially after Caper didn't do great at the box office. So he went in and rewrote himself, and the resulting film was a more grounded take. So what was it all about?

Taking Manhattan

MTM follows our heroes. LIke Caper it recasts them this time as recent graduates of Danforth College, whose graduation show, Manhattan Melodies, was a massive hit. So with big starry dreams in their eyes they take it to broadway.. and instead of taking Manhattan more get taken to the curb BY Manhattan. After a few or so stoppings Kermit is at the end of his rope and snaps at everyone else, who decide the best thing to do is to scatter to the four winds while he writes it. I get their trying not to pressure him but like.. they don't have to leave New York. And it's REALLY dickish they all pressure PIggy into seemingly doing the same despite no reason to. She's Kermit's girlfriend here, not his stalker or some strange he falls in love with all over again. He doesn't HAVE to be cut off from everyone to get a needed break.

So they leave with a very sad, beautiful ballad i'll get to in a moment, and Kermit starts working with Jenny, a kind human played by Juliana Doland, who doesn't have a ton of credits to her name but does a pretty good job. She's thorughly upstaged by Pete, Jenny's dad and diner owner constantly fed up with everyone's nonsense whose hiring of Kermit and a bunch of rats recommended by Rizzo, in his first major role in a muppet production as Pete's waiter, with…

The Rats are a great addition though and the scnee with them cooking in the kitchen (People were uncomfortable with them as waiters) is a thing of beauty, creative, fun and clearly taking a lot of wizardry. It also turned out the simplest solution was the best a lot of the time: they found out just using actual butter for one of the rats to skate on worked best, and most amusingly , an attempt to make fake pancake batter ATE THROUGH THE BOWL and actual batter was fine just fine. If that isn't the most muppets thing I ever heard I don't know what is.

So Kermit tries to get the film made, gets hugs from Jenny and Piggy stalks them both from afar in a trenchcoat because apparently they needed to make her even creepier than she already was, while kermit ocasoinally gets a letter from anothe rmuppet elsehwere in the country. This pattern repeats for 40 minutes. I'm not kidding.

It's the film's main problem: Plot wise it just.. goes about nowhere for most of the film. The first 20 minutes have pretty brisk pacing: Our heroes perform their college thesis, try to get the show made nearly get conned by a BAD MAN BAD MAN BAD MAN, then decide to go their seperate ways so kermit can focus on the play without worrying about them. It's fairly dense, still has plenty of jokes (Again BAD MAN BAD MAN), and works.

But the middle is just.. nothing. Most comedy films have a somewhat loose plot, but said plots serve as the motor. Using some of my faviorite movies as an example first off we have Wayne's World. Wayne's World HAS a plot, our two heroes get picked up from Cable Access to regular TV and have to deal with the exec who picked up the shows ulterior motives. We also have Wayne's building relationship with Cassandra which dovetails into said Exec threatening it. A clear a and b plot with some other stuff mixed in. Is said plot what most people think about Wayne's World? No, they think of bohemian rhapsody, the bugs bunny gag, Wayne speaking Cantonese with Cassandra, the sponsorship scene, Alice Cooper, "it seemed superfluous at the time". Rob Lowe is great in that section, but it's at it's core just a way to get from one joke to the next and to give the plot a semblance of flow. There are plenty of scenes like our heroes playing hockey, going to see allice cooper and shopping for Wayne's Dream guitar while Garth does a sweet solo that have nothing to do with said plots, but are all memorable and charming. While there are comedies that are tightly plotted as heck, and that's fine, at the least you just need a plot to keep the momentum.

The purest example of this is True Stories, the David Byrne classic and his only directorial outing. It's mostly just vignettes of various things around the town of Virgil, Texas as they prepare for their celebration of specialness. But it still has connective tissue in the various characters, and the through line plots of David Byrne in a Cowboy Hat narrating to us and John Goodman's attempts to find a wife who loves his basic panda bear shape.

Here the plot doesn't really make things go and things just aren't zany or surreal enough, like true stories, to really make it work. It's too grounded for the plot to be this thin and even teh far less grounded caper and after it most wanted had far snappier plots to compensate for being batshit insane. It's just "Kermit tries zany scheme to get the play accepted" (and not nearly enough though him with an afro wig, gold tooth and pick velvet suit was a fucking riot, as was the whisper campagin0, "Piggy stalks him", "stuff happens" and then he just .. falls into getting the plan accepted by an up and coming producer. He works HARD sure but it dosen't feel like there was any real progress sin his attempts. One just works.

The plot just feels unengaging as a result: I DO want Kermit to succed and he is trying hard but there's no escalation to his work or real flow. And Piggy's jealousy is mostly resolved when they just.. talk and she realizes he wans't cheating on her which could've been resolved in five minutes. It feels like , in part thanks to Emma telling me this, Oz wanted to immitate the screwball comedis of hollywood, scaling things back to just our leading man and lady and a few characters. But that's just not what the muppets is. The muppets aren't scaled back they go all in. Even the more serious flims like Treasure Island, Christmas Carol and The Muppets still have plenty of chaos and character. This film just feels like Frank Oz trying to fit a muppet peg into a normal film hole. It's telling most of his films after this weren't all that fantastical and even his next, his masterwork and one of my faviorite films Little Shop of Horrrors, was still grounded in the humans and their actions and a morality tale. Frank OZ was great with playing muppets, Miss PIggy for all the faults I have with how she treats Kermit is still a fun character when used right and Yoda is yoda, but it's clear his heart wasn't in telling muppet stories by himself. And that's okay. It's better he played to his strengths than tried to be something he wasn't and let those who wanted to do it. It makes for a sloppily paced film, but it allowed him to learn the lesson early and get on to doing films he wanted.

That said there ARE a lot of great gags. While Frank is out of his element here, it dosen't mean he's not still part of the troupe. This isn't a TERRIBLE muppets film. Frank still gets enough for it to be enjoyable: Kermit with a gold tooth and afro, Piggy and Joan Rivers make up laughing fit, the penguins asking for a job.. this plot is still packed with good bits, it's just not as consitent tone wise is all

Even the eventual resolution to Miss PIggy stalking kermit because that's normal and not at all a red flag is a banger: While stalking Piggy gets caught on a poll and has her purse stolen. So we get the GOOD side of piggy as she borrows some skates from Gregory Hines, and CHASES THE FUCKER DOWN FOR A GOOD FEW MINUTES The guys other terror and surprise as she KEEPS FINDING HIM is fucking amazing. I love it. The best part though is after as Gregory tries to get his skates back while Piggy and Kermit fight "I'll just unlace these while you fight" getting overly involved in their argument before deciding they can just keep the skates "I just like to wear these shorts". Gregory Hines is this film's mvp. In fact that gives me an idea. You'll see

Kermit does eventually land a broadway gig

So with the muppets reassembling and bringing everyone they met along, they try and find him. This last third is the best part of the film as we get the whole gang back together while Kermit gets his legs stretched, wonders who he is and then wanders into getting an advertising gig. Seeing Kermit as a straight laced executive is hilarious. I don't know what voice Jim is doing here but i love it.

THe resolution is also great as our heroes end up finding him at the diner and having to straight up kidnaping him with Kermits new frog friends not really bothered ("If that's how they treat customers no wonder they don't get a lot of repeat buisness" ) though it takes Piggy saying they were in love to get him over it. oh no no the love part, Amnesia!Kermit laughs so hard and is such a delightful dick about it (Even going Sooeeeeee while the rest of the cast gape in horror) that Piggy understandably decides to murder him. Thankfulyl Kermit surivvies, is restored and we get two great numbers in a row as our heroes are married…. kinda. It's left vauge if the preist really is really real or not. The wedding is also wonderful with every other muppet showing up. And I mean EVERY ONE. Kermit's old Sesame street friends, every member of the troupe and even uncle traveling matt. It's a wonderful capper to a fairly.. eh film.

Yeah before we move onto the music as you can see Muppets Take Manhattan is.. okay. The plot is very stalled and way too grounded, but it has enough truly all timer muppet jokes and songs to make it watchable. It's a decent watch but not one i'd really come back to. Speaking of songs

Manhattan Melodies

The songs for Take Manhttan are the other pillar that makes up for the pacing. Every song is a classic and every musical number great. Admitely it's part of act 2's major problems, as the songs are mostly in act's 1 and 3, with only one number in act 2, but when we get a song their great. Sadly they havne't been released, likely due to rights issues, but the original album did get a grammy nomination so . t.her'es that. Hopefully we can get one eventually for now though let's break down these classics

We start with an all time classic, Together Again, the final number of manhattan melodies in it's orignial starkid-esque form. Together Again is truly amazing, a wonderful song about reconnectiong, reunion and hapiness.

You Can't Take No For an Answer is a fun electric mayhem number with a slightly melancholy beat underscoring our heroes failed attempts to make it on broadway. EM always tends to have some of the best songs , with Can You PIcture That probably being my faviorite from The Muppet Movie, so its no suprise they slap here.

Saying Goodbye fucking broke me. A truly sad number as our heroes all seperate, it really gets the feeling of parting with someone down pat and hurts even more knowing we'd loose Jim Henson and Richard Hunt all too soon after this. Hauntingly beautiful.

Rat Scat slaps, some fun as the rats cook int he kitchen which should be gross but it's charming. Wonder if Rattouie was at all inspired by this. Food for thought. Pun welcomed.

I"m Always Gonna Love You is a fun rocking ditty. I consider it the weakest of the film's tracks.. but it's no chilly down in terms of a quality drop. I just like it SLIGHTLY less than the others because it goes on a bit longer than necessary. That's all. This is also for some reason a sequence starring the Muppet Babies, who would be so popular they'd get their own show

We then get Right Where I Belong, which embarasingly I first remember hearing in a commercial even though i'd seen this movie before (and mostly forgot it apart from Mad Men!Kermit) , but is probably my faviorite, it's snappy, happy and really fits Kermit coming back and finally having everyone else. It's got that good old fashioned broadway style that really fits the films tone. I love it.

Finally we have Somebody's Getting Married/Waiting For The Wedding/ He'll Make Me Happy, a lovely ballad and show stoppin number as our heroes gather for the wedding of Kermit and Piggy. Which again she might of tricked him into which is..

But hey the music is nice. And with that we have two final pieces of

Film Ranking

As i've done since the last review, it's time to see where the film ranks compared to the other muppet films and specials i've covered so far and well.. this one's probably going to piss a LOT of people off

(ranking)

Keep in mind the gap is WIDEEEE between those last two. But despite expecting some backlash, I stand by this. The other films sans Trashfire of Oz are all paced MUCH better and while from Space is mostly just okay, it has more heart to it and better jokes. This one ALMOST inches it out for the songs, but in the end I just in good concious can't put it above the more solid film.

Muppet MVPS:

I've decided after Gregory Hines outstanding performance to start giving out awards, dead meat stylez please don't sue james I love you man, for the best human and muppet performance. This section will be longer than most as to head off Kevin asking me what the others would've been, because I know my friend and I know like me he's a very through dork, and to keep this feature introduced a ways in consitent, i'm going to give out the ones for previous films and episodes too. I also thought of the idea to award best cameo just as I was almost done soooo

Take Manhattan: Muppet MVP: Kermit gets our first as his various shenanigans and seeing him more as hustler than his normal put upon everyfrog is just fantastic. Hines-Grodin Award For Best Human: Gregory not only gets the first award but gets it partly named after him, as he's the one who inspired me to do this. He just perfectly fits in and his bit will live in my head rent free form now on.

From Space: Muppet MVP: Bobo. I mean i'ts hard not to give it to him every time as Bobo just slaps, but he works here as Jeffrey Tambour's foil and gets a great payoff sabotaging the guy's gun. Hines-Grodin Award: This is a hard one. Do I give it to David Arqutte, the most dangerous man alive or Ray Liotta? In the end Liotta gets it for his great brain dead performance post memory wipe. David is good as always but his roll really goes nowhere. Best Cameo: HINES. Joan Rivers comes close but come on.

Wizard of Oz: Muppet MVP: Kermit. Not throughout the main part of the film, but for the Quinten Tarintnio Sequence. He looks so afraid for his life it's awesome. Hines-Grodin Award: Again Quinten Tarintino. In a film that nearly killed my soul his sudden cameo brought life and muppet energy back into it. God bless you you very weird very terrifying man. Best Cameo: Once again, mr. tarintino.

Muppet Caper: Muppet MVP: Going to have to go with Beau for the cart stunt. Chefs kiss that was awesome. Hines Grodin Award: The man who named the award himself Charles Grodin. I feel he deserves this both for his untimely passing and for setting the standard for Human performers in the films. WHile he wasn't the FIRST , he certainly madea lasting impression. I mean what other actor would be so game as to sing an opera to Miss Piggy? Cameo Award: the guy who played columbo, both for his increasingly insane guess and Kermit's iconic response "Amazing what you said was 100% wrong. Nothing you've said has been right"

Muppets Tonight: Muppet MVP: Gonzo for the Dancing With Myself number. All time great in muppets history there. Hines Grodin Award: Obviously the reason I watched the ep and reviewed it, the late, great Gilbert Gottfried as Kermit's date/creepy fan, though Dennis Quaid was REALLY good. But Gilbert was born for this.

Muppet Show Star Wars: Muppet MVP: Angus Macgonagle, the Gargoyle Who Gargles Gershwin Gorgeously. Human MVP: Kinda obvious but Mark Hamill. He's terrific both as luke and as himself. I"d expect no less.

Labyrinth: Muppet MVP: This is a close race between Ludo and Sir Didymus but in the end his good sirship pulls out just ahead. He's just so fun and i'm amazed they got the puppet so tiny yet detailed and movement oriented. Nicely done. Human MVP: David. Fucking. Bowie. Need I say more? Need I REALLY say more or justify this one? Cameo Award: Uh jim I guess for appearing in the opening scene. Otherwise i'm saving these most for the muppet movies

Most Wanted: Muppet MVP: Constantine. Steve Whitmire doing a weird as hell kermit voice and the scene with the jaws kill me. Human MVP: This is a REALLY hard one. Ty Burrel, Ricky Gervais and Tina Fey ALL fucking bring it to grodin levels. So picking one is hard. But I have to go with Ty. His deliberatley over the top french accent, great chemistry with same and antics are just all so damn hilarous, though Ricky Gervais wearing a lemur suit and Tina Fey always knwoing hwere you are do come up close, I gotta give it to Ty. Cameo Award: A decent suply of candiates, including Stanley Tuci as the cheerful watchtower guy, but the winner is Usher as an Usher. IT's a stupidly obvious and stupidly brilliant gag.

Treasure Island: Muppet MVP: Dead Tom. He's dead! Human MVP: TIM CURRY. NEED. I. SAY. MORE. Cameo Award: Dawn French as the landlady "How does she do that? So with that the takes manhattan review is on the books. Thanks for reading and if you enjoy the film feel free to do so. This is one orangutan shaped man's opinon.

Next Time: We're dancing in the moonlight for spooky season as we review last year's Muppet's Haunted Mansion. OOOOOOOOO

#the muppets take manhattan #the muppets #kermit the frogg #ms piggy #frank oz #jim henson #gonzo the great #rizzo the rat #gregory hines

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readerviews · 1 year

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"Tales of Asterra" by Michael Frank Rizzo

Enchanting #books #bookreview #reading #readerviews

Tales of Asterra Michael Frank RizzoLuminare Press (2023)ISBN: 978-1643882130Reviewed by Paige Lovitt for Readerviews (04/23)In “Tales of Asterra,” Penniforth Octavius Rodgers, otherwise known as Penny, narrates stories about different places, times, and people of this mystical land which is comprised of 50 different realms. The unique characters are not all mundane; some have very special gifts…

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#Book Review #Luminare Press #Michael Frank Rizzo #Reader Views #Tales of Asterra

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i-like-eyes · 1 year

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Trying to figure out how they'd work as puppets

More in depth analysis below the break

For those that don't know, typically the three most common variants of foam puppet are know as rod hand, live hand, and walk around. Examples would be Elmo, Cookie Monster, and Big Bird respectively. Rod hands are smaller in size and held up by, well, rods. Live hands have the puppeteer (or two!) insert their hand in a sleeve connected to the puppet for more interaction. Walk around puppets are full costumes the puppeteer wears, but what makes them puppets and not like, fursuits, is that there is still puppet mechanisms like moving the mouth or blinking.

Here is what comes from the website/Clown's tumblr:

Julie is a rod hand

Eddie is a live hand

Poppy is a walk around

Barnaby has a walk around and live hand

Howdy has a walk around and live hand

Sally is a live hand but "required an additional hand to help move her head, as it was much larger than other puppets"

Frank is said to have a fixed expression but his head could spin, rather he was rod or live or magic third thing I cannot figure out

Wally doesn't have any details regarding his puppet anatomy because he is special like that

Of note:

Julie likely has smth holding up all that hair (please be a fucked up skull please be a fucked up skull)

Poppy is a pretty standard walk-around puppet (she's just Big Bird), but I'm having trouble understanding how a human could fit into Barnaby or Howdy. Then again, 2d artwork of puppets tend to take liberties for the sake of stylization. So if someone were to make them IRL they'd either look really different or utilize tech I don't think was available in the early 70's

Howdy's legs could work on Squidward Spongebob Musical logic. Arms I have no clue, as a live hand he could have multiple people filling up those arms, but as a walk around idk cheap spider costume logic were the lower arms are attached to the upper arms ala a string?

I do not know what to make of Sally needing extra help to hold up other than that's so specific it might become a plot point

Frank.

Okay Frank lacking details or having weird details that stand out is a running theme for him. He has no listed backstory whereas everyone else can say where there were from and who their family is. Every character's first name ends with a long "e" sound whereas Frank is. Frank. (His last name "Frankly" does cover that though). The fact that WHRP lacks any concrete detail on his creation is a story reason, what's the story no clue we are 5% in dudes

Regarding his puppet, he obviously had a fixed frown because puppet but also could spin his head. Now I have absolutely zero clue how you can have the head spin and also have room for the hand for the mouth, unless this is a rod puppet (Rizzo the Rat) where the mouth is moved by some other mechanism. All I can say is I'd suspect Frank to have a very stiff (read: not majority foam) head and body in order to hold up such a feature. If his head can detach, I can imagine a metal ring of sorts that his collar covers up

His arms are a different story. The website not clarifying how his arms work doesn't really mean there is anything particular about them, but I am going to over analyze is anyway dammit

Points for rod hand: arms/hands are slim, inspirations Bert and Mr.Robinson are rod hands, lack of other rod hands/variety reasons

Points for live hand: Sally also has slim hands but is live hand, not all live hands have thick arms (looks at how small Ernie's upper arms are compared to his fore arms), Beaker hasn't been listed as an exact inspiration for Frank but look at him, and most importantly is Poppy. Poppy is noteworthy for being the only walk around puppet without a live hand counter part. As a result of having wings for hands the puppeteer cannot realistically perform any of the baking tasks in her segment. As a result she gets help from Sally, Howdy, Eddie, and Frank. The former 3 are all live hands, and one can assume that because of this Frank could be a live hand as well

And finally I know he's said to not super expressive but my heart says that he would look great with the eyebrow mechanism Bert and other puppets have.

I should point out that puppets from the 90's (Dinosaurs and TMNT come to mind) used more robotics in order to achieve more expression with the characters, but I don't think that kind of tech was common place in the 70's and would apply here.

The big take away is that this post was made for practical reasons; I am just Quite Fond of researching this kind of thing. This will probably not get you any lore, but it could provide context for the characters. I personally suspect that Poppy not being able to fly or perform tasks she swore she could will play a big of her character. In general I think that what other puppets can and cannot accomplish will play into the theme of figuring out who you are. That's the real fun.

#welcome home #julie joyful #eddie dear #barnaby b beagle #howdy pillar #poppy partridge #frank frankly #throwing him in because he takes up a good chunk of speculation

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shenanigans-and-imagines · 10 months

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I need to know about the muppets Rosencrantz and Guilderstern are dead!!!

Okay, so, the big problem is doing a film adaptation of Rosencrantz and Guilderstern are Dead is that the fourth wall breaks simply work better on stage than they do on film. Much of the play happens on what we would consider “off stage” with Rosencrantz and Guilderstern filling up time waiting for their cue.

Now don’t get me wrong, I’ve got a soft spot for the film adaptation, but it’s clear that Tom Stoppard is a better writer than he is film director. Everything is staged rather stiffly and there is a neglect of certain film language he could be utilizing to replicate the meta aspects of the stage production. Now what company of players have made jumping rope with the fourth wall an art form? Enter, The Muppets.

Now the big thing that gonna make this work is treat it as if the Muppets are doing their own version of Hamlet and cast accordingly. Miss Piggy as Gertrude, Fozzie is Polonius, big celebrity as Hamlet and most importantly Gonzo as Rosencrantz and Rizzo and Guilderstern.

Have them clearly on set and shot exactly how like it would shot in the play for their scenes (including Muppet appropriate jokes), but when they’re “off screen” switch to an almost candid camera and have them switch almost entirely to Stoppard’s words with minimal to no Muppet gags to emphasize that this is them when the cameras aren’t rolling.

And here’s the big kicker, cast Frank Oz as The Player and the rest of the Tragedians as the actual puppeteers. Full faces, everything.

Are you starting to see it? All of these actors playing roles within roles, stuck in a loop and trying to find some meaning in all of it. Examining the Muppets themselves as both the characters they are and the people we so often think of them as truly being.

And, most important of all, Gonzo the Great performing the “In a Box” speech.

TLDR: The Muppets are the only troop I trust to make an interesting and loyal Rosencrantz and Guilderstern Are Dead adaptation.

#the muppets #rosencrantz and guildenstern are dead #tom stoppard #frank oz #jim henson

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chlstarrbaby · 1 year

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Neighborhood Academy AU Part 2

Part 1 Part 3 (Final)

Trigger warnings: Angst, depressing thoughts, and brief mentions of suicide, unreality.

Another day, another sprint to Homeroom, neck and neck with Eddie carrying Frank over his shoulder like a kidnapped damsel this time, Frank seemed to be getting some last minute studying done.

Oh shoot! Was there a test today? You hoped it wasn’t Marketing, it could get tricky in places when math was actually involved.

“Mornin’ Frank! Mornin’ Eddie!” You greeted politely despite your jagged breaths in keeping up with the absolute powerhouse that was Track Captain, Eddie Dear.

“Morning, (Y/N)!” They replied in unison.

“Congratulations by the way.” Frank mentioned in his usual quite frankly tone.

“For what?” You breathed in confusion. Why the heck was your Homeroom so far from the front of the school anyway? Sure it's a nice way to stay in shape but it's still nerve wracking when you know there’s a high chance that you’ll be late!

“You got Rizzo in that Grease musical, and Wally got Danny so don’t worry, Sally made sure he wasn’t your exact opposite, but it's still oddly fitting.” Frank replied dryly, but well meaning.

“Did Julie get Sandy? I’m gonna feel really bad when I get into character with her.” You asked, explaining your hesitation.

“Yep, she sure did!” Eddie piped up cheerfully. “Seemed pretty excited about it to me!”

“Well, so long as she’s okay with it, that’s all I can hope for.” You mused loud enough for both of them.

Then you suddenly tripped as you simultaneously remembered why Wally would be happy with the roles anyway. That oddly specific old flame tension between Rizzo and Danny was palpable when played right. He would probably look forward to it. But then you really thought about it and…No, he’d look really forward to it if you got Cha-cha instead.

Despite tripping, you stumble instead, quickly regaining enough balance to continue on running. Somehow you saw two different scenarios for an aftermath that didn’t just happen.

One where you definitely fell, hard enough for the skin to come off your knees but not enough to bleed, didn’t hurt any less, but Eddie, bless him and Frank’s awesome friendship with you, didn’t leave you behind as the potential mailman scooped you up and carried you over his other shoulder to Homeroom. You thanked them graciously despite the pain and assured them that you were fine otherwise. You had a small first aid kit in your bag for such emergencies anyway, especially since the school was so darn big that it was a wonder that there weren’t more nurses offices in it.

The other scenario that popped in your head really made you wonder…Wally popped out of nowhere and caught you from your initial fall, slinging you over his shoulder to mimic Eddie with his significant other, and the irony was certainly not lost on you as you protested with kicking and screaming before giving up since you really needed to catch your breath anyway.

Both of those scenarios felt vividly real, visceral even. But neither happened, Wally was nowhere to be seen until you got closer to Homeroom where he was surrounded by fangirls and fanboys again. Still couldn’t actually see him technically but that crowd wouldn’t be there for anyone else, not even you thankfully. Though it was another piece of kindling to your ongoing argument with Wally about how there was no way you were as pretty as he claims you are.

Regardless, the fans crowding around the door to Homeroom was always such a nuisance. You only had one plan to get them out of the way, and honestly it wasn’t a very good one.

“HOMEROOM’S STARTING! NOW SCATTER!” You screeched over the crowd and it worked…slightly against you as now you were swimming upstream against the bunches of students who had to run back the way you came to get to their respective Homerooms.

Eddie barreled through them just fine, but you had to make yourself smaller and brace yourself so as not to get trampled. It got to the point that you ended up standing still and wasted precious time getting to Homeroom, but there were too many students, you couldn’t move…

Until someone grabbed your wrist and led you through the door. When did you close your eyes? You opened them to find that Wally was the one to drag you through the threshold and safety of Homeroom.

His gaze was intense again, but this time you were looking directly at it and it felt ten times worse than having it directed at the back of your head. He was livid.

But so weren’t you at him for a multitude of reasons, most of which haven’t even happened yet, (and some you weren’t entirely sure if they had happened at some point or not). So you stood your ground while you waited for him to say something.

“What were you thinking, neighbor? You could have been trampled.” Wally’s monotone betrayed what he was really feeling, since he sounded oddly calm.

“I was gonna be late, and so weren’t they, risky as it was, there was a benefit for everyone. Besides, raining on your pretty boy parade is still fun.” You tell him snarkily, mostly gaining confidence on that last sentence.

His stare softened ever so slightly, knowing him it was most likely from the backhanded compliment.

“You still think I’m pretty after all this time?” Wally asked curiously, clearly flattered as his smirk grew again.

“I may be shorter than you but I’m not blind…You’re still way prettier than me anyway.” That last sentence was said bitterly, as once again you couldn’t help but make it sting for him a little, though that tended to backfire as the pinprick of tears made their traitorous little ways to the edges of your eyes again, trying to avoid him seeing it by walking past him and over to your seat.

Unfortunately for you he was as observant as ever, and grabbed your wrist as you passed. You didn’t give him the satisfaction of turning your head to look at him. Some deep internal instinct screamed at you to never look into his eyes for too long, as he could hypnotize you at any time.You don’t know where that came from, but after that weird vision of two scenarios after you stumbled, something wasn’t adding up about this year. Lots of little things that you barely noticed until now, but you knew it wasn’t safe to even dwell on them, so you refocused your mind on how you never saw yourself as ever being pretty, as physically showcased by the fact that you decided to wear shorts today, keeping the suspenders since they were nice and classy.

“How can I get it through your head that you really are beautiful, (Y/N)?” Wally asked with a hint of desperation in his voice, silently apologizing for making you cry again but not being able to voice it properly.

You couldn’t help but chuckle darkly as one of those alternate visions gave you a sneaky idea that he didn’t have to go through with… but it would be funny if he did.

“You could carry me to Homeroom like what Eddie does for Frank, but that’s not very neighborly of me to ask and it would really rain on the timing of your pretty boy parade. Otherwise, there just isn’t a way for you to get it through my head since it’s my demon to bear.” You only turned your head a little bit to him so he could hear you, but you still didn’t face him. At the last sentence you snap your wrist out of his hand and head to your seat.

Class was starting, and Wally was out of time to reply to anything you just said.

Mentally you were cursing yourself for one particular wording choice that you had no idea where that even came from. ‘Not very neighborly of you’…You supposed it was another reference to his cutesy nickname for you since his desk was next to yours…but it felt deeper than that when you said it. As if you were spitting the words in his face without actually spitting, or putting enough venom into it. Too dangerous to do that. You couldn’t put your finger on why that was though…probably for the best.

He was staring at you the entire day of classes. Not that you looked at him directly even once, but it was hard to ignore completely when he’s in your peripheral vision.

You ate lunch on the school roof today, alone you thought. However Barnaby came up to join you. Not surprising, even after a few months you could tell that Wally and Barnaby were absolutely best friends, but in that super comfortable with each other kind of way where they were definitely just friends and not something more like Eddie and Frank. The best analogy you could think of was Mickey Mouse and Goofy.

Regardless, Barnaby was sweet enough to ask to join you first, and though you already had the sneaking suspicion he was here on Wally’s behalf, you did also leave your other friends high and dry too, so he was here for all their sakes too. You couldn’t deny him for checking on you. He even let you lean on him.

“Ya wanna talk about it?” He asked, not beating around the bush, which you inwardly appreciated.

“Depends…what is it exactly that I should talk about?” You ask back, not willing to give in just yet.

“Anything and everything really. Ya look like ya wanna vent but it can only be with specific people, otherwise ya might explode.” Barnaby offered lazily.

“You sure you wanna hear it even if a good chunk of it is about a certain pompadour wearing cactus?” Grateful as you are at being allowed to vent, you couldn’t help but warn him anyway.

“Cactus?” Barnaby questioned in confusion.

“It’s a play on words in this case. Wally’s smile is cat-like, and what are cacti? They’re prickly.” You explain a little, not going further than that and hoping he would get the other half of the joke.

“Oh, so you’re also calling him…?” Barnaby trailed off on purpose.

“Yep.” You answer simply. “Sorry if it seems a bit harsh to call him that, but that’s why I picked a cactus specifically to make it sound more polite.” Surprisingly Barnaby guffawed.

“No, you’re good, it’s really clever!” He chuckled a bit more before getting back on topic. “But anyway, I’m all ears even if it is about him in a negative way, and I cross my heart none of it will go to him.”

“Thanks Barnaby.” You tell him gratefully.

So you rant, leaving out the weird visions from this morning or any other time from little things where you saw an alternate scenario as if it were a highly invasive memory. Even now you saw a version of yourself… jumping off the roof just to get away from…your pompadour wearing cactus. You vehemently ignored it. It wasn’t your reality after all so it wasn’t really your problem. Not now, not yet, and hopefully not ever.

In any case you explain to Barnaby that Wally’s just been insufferable lately even though it's really because of your deeply ingrained insecurity of how you don’t see yourself as pretty even though you have enough sense to know when certain clothes look good on you anyway. You chalk it up to not being complimented very often throughout your life, and Wally’s attempts, especially the elaborate ones (that he had to knock off after a certain point once it got to the principal's ears) just seemed like elaborate but harmless cat-calling.

Barnaby chuckled at the second cat related pun directed at Wally.

“I can assure you he’s not.” He assured you genuinely.

“Thanks, but that brings me to my other fear…but first I have to ask if he really wasn’t into Julie before I came along?” You asked, hesitating because the bigger question was going to sound bad no matter how you worded it.

“Pretty sure he never was, I can see why it would be hard to tell though. We all live in the same area and we all love him dearly as if we were all just family. And sure, he may be highly praised for his good looks by all the fans of the school, but out of every single one of them even after a year, he picked you.” Barnaby explained slowly and succinctly to get his point across. You were all Sophomores so his vague description of the timing made sense.

Doubt bubbled up and through your vocal chords however.

“It could literally have been anyone. I just happened to be a transfer student. A transfer student that ended up in an assigned seat near the rest of our friends.”

Barnaby hesitated, if only because he wasn’t there just yet on that first day of school when you and Wally first encountered each other, he had to hear that from the others.

“Never mind that I know I ticked him off that first day of school twice, and one of those times was when Julie dragged me out of Homeroom to show me where Sally was holding the auditions.” You continued as an afterthought to paint a clearer picture for him. “I’m still surprised he even remotely likes me after that first day, like, I accidentally stopped everyone from fawning over him dead in their tracks at my mere presence, I felt him boring holes into the back of my head after that….I dunno Barns…If he’s really serious about me, I just don’t want to be a tally on a scorecard, ya know? That’s what I’m really afraid of.” You finally admitted to him and to yourself.

Of course that was the base of it anyway, if you were going to be in a relationship, you’d rather it be a lasting one. But you would have to put some effort into it too. As it was, your heart just wasn’t interested in a relationship right now, and if he went as far as to ask for your hand in marriage after graduating and you said yes…it would only be for the tax benefits, and that’s not being honest to him or yourself. That’s no good.

Suddenly you looked up and saw another variation of yourself getting ready to jump off a different part of the roof, definitely a different variation because this one was wearing pants, but you could still tell it was supposed to be you because that was what the back of your head looked like.

Even more suddenly, Wally burst out of the doors to the roof desperately calling out your name…and heading for that alternate version of you.

You only knew Wally wasn’t part of that same vision (this time) because Barnaby reacted to him, and the vibration of the doors opening was so harsh you could easily feel it against your back.

Wally’s desperate screams of your name chilled you to the bone. Of course you got up quickly and screamed his name in turn to get him to stop, to turn around and realize that he was chasing a vision that was only an illusion.

Barnaby followed in calling his name too and running after Wally, but you were faster. Running to Homeroom every morning paid off for something after all. Regardless you had to tackle Wally to get him to stop, he didn’t fall from it, he is taller than you and apparently had enough upper body strength to brush off even physically acknowledging you, so you had to sidestep around him to his front and grab his face, and for safety measures turn him around with his face in your hands so he wouldn’t look at that alternate version of you anymore.

“Barnaby, please stay up close behind me, he’s seeing things that are and aren’t there, we need to limit his view!” You pleaded to the big blue dog behind you.

Directing your attention back to Wally who was still screaming your name and somehow not comprehending you were right in front of him, pleading for you to stay, you had no choice but to do something extremely risky. You reached an arm to cover his eyes.

“Wally? I’m right here, pretty boy! I’m not going anywhere!” You announce loudly but calmly, hoping your voice breaks through his panicking fog with your nickname for him alone.

“(Y/N)?” He whimpered. Oh thank whatever higher being there was out there, he was regaining his senses.

“That’s my name, don’t you dare wear it out. I’m gonna move my arm now okay?” You reply lightheartedly, making sure to warn him of your movements.

“Okay.” Wally said nervously. So you remove your arm and return its position by cupping his other cheek.

His eyes were wide, and his pupils were shaking, not a good sign but you could still work him through this. You walked him through some breathing exercises to help calm him down from his panic attack, and when he finally calmed down enough (that his pupils weren’t going ballistic) he asked if he could hug you.

Of course you allowed it, as you wrapped your arms around his middle to give him more security. Barnaby hugged you both from behind you for extra security. Wally pleads for you to not leave him, he sounded so pitiful, but you couldn’t promise anything.

Surprisingly, over Wally’s shoulder, you could still see that alternate version of you standing on the edge, wanting to jump.

“Hey, (Y/N).” You call out to them. With…great effort, they turn to you, and their face is flickering through different people’s faces, and you realize that they are merely a representative of you, a possibility of you as it were. “I wish you happiness.”

The collective of flickering faces actually smile, and they bow to you before dissipating in the wind.

“I wish all of you happiness, wherever you can find it.” You say to the wind in hopes that it’ll carry to any other alternative versions of you that couldn’t handle the burden of the bigger school that is Life.

Everyone on the planet is here for a reason, unfortunately it takes too long to even figure out that reason most of the time. It might even be to just exist for the sake of existing to help raise the planet’s vibration.

Ultimately, the meaning of Life is 42, as in, whatever you want it to be. The choice is yours through good times and bad. May you find your happiness soon, dear neighbor.

“C’mon, Wally, Lunch is just about over, let’s go ask Ms. Poppy if we can bake apple pies today.” You suggest lightly, slowly easing yourself out of Wally’s embrace at least.

“Ha ha ha. Okay, neighbor. But I still don’t see how there are apples in them.” Wally replies with his usual monotonous chuckle. You and Barnaby join him in that as the three of you pack up your belongings and head back downstairs to deal with the remainder of the school day.

@starleska

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#Welcome Home ARG #Wally Darling #Wally Darling & Reader #Wally Darling x reader #Frank Frankly #Eddie Dear #Julie Joyful #Sally Starlet #Howdy Pillar #Poppy Partridge #Barnaby B. Beagle #Unreality #TW: suicide mention #Angst #tw: depressive thoughts

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