#for some reason bob segers like a rock just came into my head lol

[grownups-are-the-real-monsters]

I think it’s interesting that  Alone Again (Naturally) & C’est La Vie are both fics that I had the ideas for a little bit before my depression spell started and ended up becoming the first things I wrote since I’ve been better. 

They’re both pretty melancholy and angsty. The first of the two being based on a pretty sad song that I had been pretty obsessed with just before everything went down. It’s focused on Bill which I’ve noticed is a character I tend to drift to when I want that melancholy style. Single-focused Bill stories are always pretty easy and emotion-focused for me. I speak in a lot of odd phrases and the writing seems kind of...obscure? I always play it in my head like a movie and funny enough, this one starts off with part of a movie script lol. (You see this style of mine in Dive Bar as well). I constantly have ideas for these kind of one-shots. 

I also brought in Audra during that story which was a lot of fun. She’s a fun character to explore. Their relationship isn’t quite romantic yet but it also sort of is...I adored it. Their kind of a movie couple in my mind for this fic. The riding into the sun-set cowboy flick kinda pair but not without their issues. I also brought Eddie in there. You guys know Eddie means the most to me & I wanted him there for this one-shot because he’s Bill’s rock, I think, which is why I have Bill ‘kicking his little Eddie memory pebble’ to quote the fic. Ha I thought I was so clever with that. .He is Bill’s  ‘2nd little brother’. I wanted that touched on in the fic but like two ships passing in the night, Eddie happens to bump into Audra only. 

The second fic is an emotional tale for Reddie. It’s my nod to the two songs that I adore. C’est La Vie by Bob Seger  & Scenes From an Italian Restaurant by Billy Joel. I came up with the idea for this one a long time ago but never actually started working on it until just before my spiral. I actually wrote a bit during my issues but ended up having to shove it away because I couldn’t write. You can 100% tell I’m kinda emotional just by reading it. A lot of the problems Eddie has during the story are based on some of what I’d been really struggling with myself during this period. Fear of dependency and anxiety, you know? His just comes to this point because he realizes he’s been so far into it his whole life and basically jumped from relationship to relationship, whether the relationship itself may be bad (In the case of his mother) or even great (In the case of him & Richie), it’s still an issue he has to deal with on his own:

“I know that.” Eddie frowned. “Damn sure of that. But the problem is me, Richie.” He shook his head and sort of hated himself. “This situation that my mother created for me has made me too comfortable with always having someone take care of me. I let it fucking happen because I’ve been forced to be dependent my whole childhood…my whole life.”

“And I don’t wanna live like that.” Eddie broke into a full sub and fell to his knees on the carpet, smashing more dead party streamers. Richie fell down in front of him and hopelessly pulled him in for a hug.

I planned to write that in as one of the reasons their fast-marriage wouldn’t work out because I find myself very similar to Eddie and I think that’d be an issue in that situation for him. I also thought it might help me to get that kinda worry out of my head and onto paper, you know? 

It’s also the longest one-shot I’ve ever done yet broken up in pieces. It needed to be. I wanted to portray the way their relationship crumbles and comes back together without giving everything away. It needed to be appropriately painful with signs of a possible reconciliation. 

AND Home for The Holidays (The Long Walk) is A LOT more upbeat than these previous two. Which might portray the way I’ve been feeling lately, which is better. Though that’s not to say the other two are bad or too sad, cause I LOVE all 3 of these works!!!!

ANYWAY I just wanted to ramble. 

#sorry im reflecting on myself #it's fun #lol #my fanfiction #reddie #the losers club #bill denbrough #audra phillips #gavries #The Long Walk #personal??? #stephen king #stephen king books #rambling #so sorry