#fizz's last performance was Very Fun though :^) (i have listened to 2 Minutes Notice a normal amount of times gdskgds) | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

rueur · 7 years

Text

Morning Pages (06.01.2017)

Friday 6th Jan - 6:43 a.m.

I’m up earlier today because I’ll need to go to Craigieburn to celebrate my cousin’s birthday with some good old-fashioned morning prayer, which I’m looking forward to. A little bit. I don’t like being up this early, but I guess I’ll have to get used to it some time before the new semester starts. I also had a weird night last night. I had a nightmare where there was this event I’d attended, with a musical show (sorry, I just had to turn my alarms off, they were going off again at 6:45) and the performers were all kinda demonic. They gave out these little boxed things, and I took one home with no suspicion because at the time, the musicians didn’t look fishy at all. Fish is swimming very vigorously, by the way. He wants food. I cannot feed him yet, it’s too early.

Anyway, I took this boxed thing home and opened it up and almost immediately, this little rubber something shot under my bed or under a cabinet or something, and I lost it. So I kneeled down near this crack and peered into it and saw this tiny rubber creature thing. I tried to pull it out with one finger, because that’s all that would fit under this cabinet, and I couldn’t. Then my mother walked in and she was Asian. I mean my actual mother is already Asian, but she’s South-Asian. Sri Lankan. My mother in this dream was Chinese or something. Not my real mother. But I accepted it in the dream. So I told my mother that the rubber thing had fallen underneath the cabinet and she feigned disappointment for me, and then left. As soon as she’d left, the rubber thing started to point back at me! With a long and thin finger. I grabbed it and pulled and the rubber thing instantly started to stretch out and out. It just kept stretching like a window climber, or one of those stretchy, sticky hands you get at $2 shops. I just took a pause in my writing. I’m really groggy right now, sorry. This is not my most ideal mood for writing, but I know that’s exactly why the morning pages are supposed to be so helpful.

Anyway, yes, the thing just kept on stretching. I kept pulling, and all the while calling out to my mum to come and look at this stretchy living thing. But my mum never came. The thing was also squealing, like a happy baby or something, but very alien. Then I got up off the floor, and went to find my mum to tell her it’s ALIVE. I find my mum sitting quietly in the living room, staring down at her hand which has cramped in on itself. It looks like a claw, like deformed. I ask her what’s going on, and she just shows me her hand, and for some reason we both correlate her cramped hand to the newfound movement of the rubber thing, like the rubber thing is taking her muscles. Then I said ‘We have to finish the game’ and my mother says ‘NO’ and she’s terrified. Then I think I woke up, and it was 5:03 a.m.. I tried falling back to sleep for ages but it didn’t work. I kept seeing shadows in the dark, and it was also sweltering and I’d buried myself under this thick blanket in my sleep for some reason. I was sweating like you wouldn’t believe and I just flicked on the lamp, got up out of bed, and splashed my face with some water before trying to fall back asleep. I don’t know when I fell asleep again, but it wasn’t easy. I probably got under an hour’s sleep before waking up again.

I was supposed to tell you about Andrew today! From Thailander. He was one of my more memorable regulars who worked at an office on the street, Lonsdale Street. He’d call in ahead of time so that his food was ready when he got there because I’m assuming he had a very small lunch break. He’d usually order the spiciest stir-fry and then ask for it to be ‘extra spicy’. Pick-up for Andrew! I knew him after his second pick-up order with me, because he was so lame. A typical dad telling typical dad-jokes, seeing him every lunch rush was honestly a highlight for me. He was tall, slightly muscular build, with gray hair and a slightly receding hairline. He looked to be around forty, maybe just under middle-aged; quite young. Then I stopped working the lunch shifts and I didn’t see him for a couple of months before I finally quit. On my two week’s notice though, my bosses were definitely overworking me, giving me more shifts than I could handle alongside school. I was working the lunch rush again, and I got a call in my last week. Pick-up for Andrew! Jokingly on the phone, I asked if he wanted the food ‘extra spicy’ because he didn’t say it that time, and he laughed. He said no, though. But he came in and immediately said ‘I thought it was you!’ and I was just very happy to see him. We had a proper conversation that final time because I told him it was my last day, and he congratulated me. He said he hadn’t actually been to Thailander in a while before that day because he’d had a complaint they’d never dealt with, namely that one of their stir-fries was supposed to have green beans and when he got it there were absolutely no green beans at all. I told him we hadn’t had green beans in the kitchen for a while so I didn’t know why it was still on the menu and he said I was paying attention and that was good. He grew up in Eltham, he told me. I said I lived in South Morang, and we were complaining/praising what it meant to live at the end of the train line. He now lives in Sandringham, he said. That’s where I’ve wanted to live more than anything: by the beach, close to the city. South Melbourne. Here I’ve spent my entire life in the north. As north as you can get.

I seem to have a lot more to say this morning than last, I think. Or maybe I have an equal amount to say. I gave you stories yesterday, and one continuation of a story and a dream today. I think that’s pretty standard. I went home yesterday, to get some more clothes because I was running out of clean clothes in Northcote. I don’t want to use the washing machine here because it’s communal and downstairs and I’m shy. My anxiety has very much come with me to Northcote and into the new year. Anyway! I rode home and was incredibly sweaty on my arrival. I changed and hung out with my brother for a bit, listening to his music. He’s getting into Australian hip-hop. I am proud. Then my sister and Anthony, her boyfriend, came home with some groceries and my sister said they were going to start a workout soon, if I wanted to join them. I said yes, because honestly I haven’t been doing too much in the way of staying fit whilst I’ve been in Northcote. I have a running track and a bike track in South Morang, and it took me a while to establish those too. Northcote has the All Nations Park though and I don’t know if I can leave that when I’m done house-sitting because it’s so BIG and BEAUTIFUL. I’ll definitely be spending more time in Northcote even after the summer, I think.

So we braced ourselves, all four of us, and did this thirty-minute workout. It was actually quite fun! We used the Nike training app on my sister’s phone, and a spotify playlist she’d put together for gym sessions (very techno, very upbeat). At the end of it, I used the sweat towel they’d offered me beforehand (before the workout, I’d just laughed at it and said I wouldn’t need it). Then my sister made this amazing pumpkin ravioli/gnocchi lunch with mushrooms and spinach. It was amazing, and there were no leftovers. Then I had a bath with the rose bath salts and fizzes that I was given for Christmas by Anthony’s family. It was heavenly, and worked a wonder on my sore muscles at the time. But this morning, upon waking up and leaving my bed, I realise that my legs and arms are still so, so sore!

I had a bath, packed all my things up and made my way back home once more to Northcote. My clothes didn’t fit in my backpack (which was full of fresh underwear and toilet paper), so I folded them and fitted them into a plastic bag which I then tied tightly and hung from the handlebars on my bike. As suspected, they hit my front wheel A LOT and the bag developed a lot of holes. Luckily, none of my clothes tore. On the way home from High Street, however, I had to hold the plastic bag with both arms to stop the bag tearing any further and spilling my clothes out onto the floor.

I just had to plug my laptop in. It was on 8% and it had started to go red. I just checked Facebook, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t take breaks from this stream-of-consciousness stuff, I know. It was an accident. I downloaded tinder again, to talk to strangers around me while I’m living on my own, because whilst I do like having all this time to myself it still does get a little bit lonely. And Ikaros is working all the time. Actually, he’s working Wednesdays, Thursdays and Fridays, but he can somehow stretch that out so that it feels like he’s working ALL the time. I worked like six days a week for Thailander, and still made time for him. It hurts my feelings, I’m not going to lie. But I’m not here to talk about my love life. It’s not too great right now. Which is why I haven’t told him I’m on tinder. I’m just on tinder because I’m generally lonely. I want to meet people! And I’ve met and friended two interesting people so far: Lauren and Lucas. I’ll tell you about them later though, I just wanted to say two things before I run out of space for this morning.

Ikaros called me last night when he was walking down the hill, on his way to the bank. We were on the phone for an hour. One time I was on the phone to Malith for 4 hours! And I don’t even think that’s the longest, honestly. Anyway, he was talking to me about work. It’s been tough these past few days. Then I told him about my Artist’s Way challenge and the morning pages. Then he found an interesting calico cat on the street and that overshadowed my enthusiasm for being creative. And then he told Cameron to invite me to this thing on Saturday night that Ikaros actually never wanted to go to in the first place, and I had to lie to Cameron on his behalf and just tell him I was busy on Saturday night instead. So I went to bed feeling really icky. I don’t know what’s happening with this relationship. One thing is certain though: right now, it’s draining me.

#spilled ink #stream of consciousness #or at least it's supposed to be #morning pages #2 #06.01.2017

2 notes · View notes