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laylabahiti · 4 years

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HSHQTASK005: A REFLECTION

i originally posted this task in march 2017, so almost 3 years ago (wow). i already regret looking at this old one lmao

001. name / age / pronouns

2017: xee / twenty / she, her 2020: xee / twenty-three / she, her — fun fact, mine and evy’s bdays are 2 days apart #taurussquad

002. which character(s) do you play?

2017: my complicated af beaN layla. idek what’s going on with her at this point. 2020: i’m screaming i can’t believe i thought 2017 layla was complicated. i had no idea what was to come. i picked up biel not long after that. also had katalina aka brucey’s wifey n i miss her. juliana is a fairly recent addition and, i’m about to spill the beans, a glücksburg is coming.

003. nationality / ethnicity / timezone

2017: american / lots of white european and the other half o’ me is ashkenazi jewish / right now i’m back and forth between pst and mst. homeland is mst though. 2020: obvs nothing has changed except no more back and forth with timezones. strictly mst now.

004. tell us a bit about your home state.

2017: it’s the first day of spring and we almost reached 100 degrees F :’) we don’t really have autumn or spring here tho. it’s either hot as balls summer or frozen. no in between. like, as soon as temps get below 70 F people break out their jackets. 2020: welcome to the desert, “it’s a dry heat”

005. favourite color / fruit / season

2017: green / honeydew melon / spring 2020: still green and all its shades / tbh idk how i chose a fave fruit bc i raaarely eat it but bananas and watermelon too / “spring”

006. favourite books + writer whose writing style you admire the most

2017: this isn’t a fair question smh. i have too many titles and names going through my head at once to answer this. 2020: still no fave so i’m just gonna answer this with what i’m currently reading. it’s called suffer strong and it popped up on my insta feed last week (big brother is listening and they know i’m a stressed mf) cheese moment: i admire all ur writing styles :~)

007. what kinda music do you listen to + any fave bands / musicians

2017: listen to a lil bit of everything. these ‘favorite’ questions are difficult for me to answer 2020: same answer tho i grew up listening to the eagles so they hold a special place in my heart n soul. i get to go see them in a couple months (hopefully w my dad) and i’m v excited

008. what are you doing for a living / what are you studying?

2017: lmAO well rn i work in the kitchen of a gas station (sah classy). 2020: went from working in the store to working in corporate *finger guns* apparently i never said what i was studying but i was still in school then. justice studies with a minor in military leadership and certifications in human rights and socio-legal studies. then i studied astrophysics with minors in cyber intel + security and math for a semester, but i didn’t want any more debt ajskdf

009. what’s your dream occupation?

2017: IDK but it has to involve happiness and a nice salary. i have to feed my zoo somehow. 2020: what r dreams lmao

010. relationship status

2017: single then. single now. single forever. 2020: every time i think about putting myself out there, something happens. i don’t have time to date atm

011. coffee, tea or hot chocolate?

2017: it depends on the weather. if it’s cold i’ll have hot chocolate. i usually drink tea at meals whenever though. 2020: i blame my work for all the coffee i drink now, but still all of the above.

012. dream holiday destination?

2017: santorini 2020: honestmeme....where the hell did i pull santorini from. idk i was supposed to go to iceland for study abroad last year but yknow i withdrew from the university. i still wanna go tho

013. the thing you’re most proud about yourself

2017: not afraid to stand up for myself + others 2020: young me made it sound noble but honestly i’ll put ppl in their place, i don’t have patience anymore jakdas. but tbh right now i guess it’s my perseverance? life has been shitty for a few months but u gotta keep on truckin’

014. tell us a bit about your family!

2017: goD they’re nuts. i’m the middle child out of all my siblings but the youngest on my dad’s side. large age gaps are common, like half my sisters are old enough to be my mom. lots of grand babies and great grand babies. when we’re all together (like this past weekend) it’s ….wild. communication is v poor too. i only have one brother out of my eight siblings, and all those siblings are only half-related to me. at 5′5 i’m one of the tallest in the fam which says a lot. 2020: they’re still nuts n i don’t speak to my mother anymore. i should probs add that my parents have been divorced since i was a few months old so she hasn’t been in the pic for a while. even when she had custody of me jaksldf find me ron howard i’ll give him the rights to my life story

015. how long have you known your closest friend?

2017: three years. 2020: we’re going on 6 years jaksdf i’ll be maid of honor in her wedding this year. i also have another friend that i failed to mention last time but we’ve been close for 9 years (jfc)

016. superpower you’d like to have?

2017: invisibility 2020: mind reading so i know who’s Fake jaklsdjf

017. celebrity you’d like to meet?

2017: john stamos ?? idk i never really thought about it. i’ve met michael phelps though!! 2020: ig i’ll stick with stamos?? ooh or steve carrell or jennifer aniston.

018. guilty pleasures

2017: chocolate and french fries. i love love love french fries. 2020: now my guilty pleasure is dr. pepper bc i cut it out of my diet.

019. pet peeves

2017: mouth noises (misophonia). people talking over each other and not listeninG. lowkey people leaving the toilet seat up or leaving toilet paper in the toilet like…just flush again. 2020: i really went off on tp huh?? another pet peeve is people committing to something then backing out/flaking without a heads up

020. do you have any hobbies?

2017: sports !!! i’m a grade a heaux for sports. tennis, archery, golf. anything that doesn’t require lots of muscle ya feel. one of my ~hobbies~ i guess is organizing things. i have multiple planners and use them all daily. 2020: i miss how sporty n active i was jkasdf this is my hobby.

021. where would you like to live in the future?

2017: i would looooooove to live in san diego but i’ll probs be stuck in the desert drylands. 2020: tbh i was looking into memphis homes bc it’s cheap compared to here but i don’t really care where i end up. just want a place of my own yknow

022. tell us a story about a thing that recently happened to you! it can be a funny, scary, sad story, your pick!

2017: redacted bc it was college angst lmao and not pretty 2020: i found out this morning that my cell phone # is somehow linked to some random guy a few miles away and idk how to fix it online. got some texts today and yesterday this one guy called me 6 times back to back while i was on the phone with someone else. i guess that’s another pet peeve of mine, pls leave a message if it’s important jaklsdf

#hshqtask005 #really had to go back n look at 20 year old me #who tf was i #how did u tolerate me

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shotce · 7 years

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10 Questions

Omg you guys, I feel so loved lol thank you! Soooo, I hope I'm doing this right, now that I'm finally getting around to it! 10 QUESTIONS: Tagged by @ellebeedarling 1. What’s the best vacation you’ve ever had? Oh, this is hard. Um. When I went to Edinburgh I had an absolute blast, and I can't remember if we did the day trip to Paris that visit or the one before, but yeah. Gale force winds and torrential downpour by the Eiffel Tower and it was STILL super fun.  2. Who was your first crush (or first close friend if you’ve never had a crush)? Huh, some kid in elementary school? 😅 3. What is your favorite tv series? Ooo, so many! I'm currently watching Due South, Game of Thrones and Teen Wolf(past seasons, no Stiles, no me), tho. 4. Are you into sports? Participating or watching? Which ones? I prefer being active in one, but going to baseball games is fun. 5. What is your guilty pleasure album/musician? The one you’re embarrassed to tell people you love? I have no shame! My Chemical Romance. But Irish Punk and the Fallout playlist on Spotify are my Go Tos. 6. What is your favorite holiday tradition? Finally getting cold weather and snuggling up with hot drinks, the poodle and appropriate movies. 7. What is your favorite alcoholic beverage? Irish coffee or cranberry vodka rn. 8. What is something you’ve always wanted to learn how to do? So many things, a second language would be nice. 9. Are you a singer or a dancer or both? I used to sing well enough, now I don't even try. I can do the Shepard shuffle! 10. Do you play any musical instruments? I've tried. Flute, organ, drums. I never stayed interested long enough. Tagged by @missannaraven 1. If you could only eat one thing for the rest of your life, what would it be? Oh man, pizza?  2. Do you have any nicknames? If not, is there one you’d like to have? Shotce, Iggy, Lainey, Zombie (every morning my roomies see me), Ti-Ti, Dory, Lainers etc. 3. If you won the lottery tomorrow, what’s the first thing you’d buy? Tickets to Ireland with plans to go eastward until I'm back home. You know I'll have to bring all my buddies too. International road trip ftw!!  4. Are you a morning person or a night person? Night.  5. Do you consider yourself a good cook? I grew up with parents who are great at cooking (used to have their own restaurant and pizzeria) so I know my fair share, but there's a lot I've never learned that I should have😩 6. What kinds of things really make you laugh? I like being stupid with friends. I also get really excited very easily about nerdy things.  7. What is your favourite way to spend a day off? Relaxing with the poodle. Reading fanfic. Hiking once upon a time.  8. Do you have any pet peeves? Usually work related things, my sister, people WHO CAN'T DRIVE (though I've probably done the same thing at one point)  9. Who is your best friend? Irl girl!Cody. On tumblr, @ellebeedarling .  10. What should I know about you that I’d never think to ask? Idek I used to be very religious thanks to my sheltered Catholic upbringing. Love of fanfic and fandom removed a lot of that nonsense from my eyes, but I still struggle with what I used to believe and what I still do, if that makes sense? Tagged by @sweet-ree 1. What’s your sign? Birthday? Aries, April 1. 2. Favorite cocktail? (If you don’t drink, favorite concoction?) This week it's the Nutella latte from Sambalatte. 3. Do you have any special/unusual/secret talents? Err. Uhmmmm. Monkey toes? 4. What is a personal accomplishment you are proud of? Did anyone tell you that you couldn’t do it? I started drawing again. I've traveled places far away. 5. What is your favorite stuffed animal? Current please (and don’t tell me you don’t have any, I’m over 40 and I have lots incl a giant Appa, I wont believe you) LOL Let's see, I donated a lot but kept the large, fluffy Eeyore I got when I was sick on my first trip to Disneyland when I was 22. Then I got my Grunt plushie. And the Dogmeat one. 5.5 Favorite fic writers? Ouch. Which fandom? Lol 7. Phrase from a video game which became like a mantra to you? (one of my favorite questons!) Living lean~Kaidan Alenko , gotta cut out that clutter! 8. Who was your first fictional crush? (another favorite) Aladdin and Esmeralda. I think. 9. Any kinks you’d like to share? My kinks are of the non-sexual kind like cute messages, domesticity and fluffy things. 10. Post a gif/smiley face/pic/emoji of your current mood. 😋 Tagged by @estalfaed Dream Vacation location? If it has to be one place, Finland. Who did you save - Kaidan or Ashley? Kaidan. What is your favorite desert? Boston Cream or cherries. What is a MUST-HAVE in a prospective partner? Kindness, loves dogs, nerdiness, hygienic. Which was your favorite Doctor Who companion (if you watched the show)? Whelp. Only watched it with my Who-obsessed friends. I liked Rose, but Martha was kickass and River was was just...saucy. River counts! A salt circle is good for keeping out what? Demonic thingys and spirits. Sadly, not unwanted family. Favorite Movie? Star Wars/Indiana Jones, Lord of the Rings, The Mummy, Pirates of the Caribbean, Hocus Pocus, Aliens etc etc If you could have any super power, what would it be? Breathing under water maybe. You have three paths before you, one leads to a misty forest, one leads to a ruined castle, and the last leads to a quiet lagoon. Which do you choose? Oh dude, I see a castle overseas and I'm Gone, but I'll always pick the forest. If you could see your future, good, bad and in between. Would you want to? I'll always want to know, but hopefully will say no. My Questions: Which (video game) character do you most empathize with and why? In ME3 did you pick Control, Synthesis or Destroy? Or which one did you favor when playing multiple times? If you didn't play ME, which type of endings do you usually choose? What is an otp you don't post as much about? What about your notp? Would you be interested in a flat Kaidan/mshenko sent out through the community? What is your favorite type of xover to read/see? Don't like xovers? What's a show/movie/fandom you're into that's rarely on your blog? What trope is your favorite and which one do you despise? Do you have any gaming/writing rituals? (I.e. Cocktails, mood lighting) What way do you like to shake off a bad day? Or what motivates you? If you joined the Inquistion (or moved into a castle) where would you park your butt? Tavern? Library? The gardens? Stable? What is your weapon of choice in most video games? Powers/biotics? Shotguns or arrows? Wit or strength? YAY and that's 10. Man that was hard. Ok, I tag everyone below, feel free to join in if you want. @estalfaed @sweet-ree @ellebeedarling @missannaraven @estora @mehutchinsane @you-are-a-program @young-avenger @mandydarlings @thejollywriter @omegastation @threewhiskeylunch @introspecticskeptic @blueteaparty @rego-mem @humblydefiant @simon-and-garfunkbot @willowdeville @mshenkoaddiction @vorchagirl @renlyslittlerose @blueeyeschina

#tagged #about moi #10 questions

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gothjjk · 6 years

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how are you dealing with jjong passing away are you doing alright? 😥💗

ty for your concern!! i am doing better than when i first heard about it but im still not 100% okay, nd dont think i’ll ever be, i hope ur doing ok tho !!!! 💕

also u can ignore whats under the keep reading part i just need a place to write about how ive been dealing with it all just so that i can keep it somewhere for myself its boring nd long nd not worth reading

i remember opening tumblr after coming home from work and seeing a few sad posts/edits about shinee but i was scrolling pretty fast nd not reading through posts properly and the first thought i had was that shinee had disbanded (which, looking back, i now hope that was actually the case instead of what happened) so i clicked on a mutuals blog to find out what the fuss was about and i saw an ask saying what happened? and they answered that jonghyun passed away and i. didnt believe it i didnt want to believe it it hadnt been confirmed yet by sm at that time so i was like okay this is fake he is alive and safe but after a few minutes the news about him passing away turned out to be true yet i still didnt fully believe it i started crying so hard i was hyperventilating and all i didnt know what to do i dont think i even remember what i did after that i was just full on in a hysteric crying mode i went through tumblr some more hoping thatd help calm me down but seeing all those posts about him talking about how he’s gone made it all worse i just closed my laptop turned off all the lights and started listening to all the shinee songs on my phone and every time i heard jjong’s voice my tears woudlnt stop coming i think i cried for two hours more after that and stopped, i didnt eat dinner i had no appetite at all my head felt like it was going to burst and i actually really wanted to kill myself i didnt want to be alive any more i didnt want to live when he wasnt either it was a really bad night for mei just took some sleeping pills and hoped for the best. the next morning that i woke up my eyes were so fucking swollen i looked so bad had the worst headache and had to go to work which i was looking forward to a bit cuz i thought it would take my mind off of this all especially since i had to work for 8 hours three days straight and i gotta say working did help distract me even though i was feeling dead inside it did help a bit to not actively think about him and destroy myself even more i also had to work at the asscrack of dawn and i could still see the stars when i was walking to work i started tearing up staring at them thinking about jjong again i will think of him every time i look up at the nightsky now. that day i also couldnt listen to any shinee songs anymore when tell me what to do came on shuffle i got so fucking mad even though thats my favourite song of theirs i skipped it and put on another song i really could not deal with it its a wonder i didnt burst out crying at work tbh i also had the worst migraines this whole week and felt sick and nauseous all the time this really took its toll on me i’m exhausted. i also took a break from tumblr, actually i was tempted to delete my acc since i couldnt get myself to think i would ever be able to post happy things again but idk, anyways that didnt help immensely i think tiring myself out by working a lot helped i also saw my friend whom i hadnt seen in like 2 months today we hung out and chilled and it was rlly nice being with him so that distracted me as well also i started istening to jjong’s songs and his voice has been very healing and soothing i feel like he’s still here with us i think i still dont want to believe that he’s actually gone like when i watch videos and see him have fun in them or when i see pictures of him or when i hear his voice and laugh it really doesnt sink in that he’s not here anymore when i can experience his presence like that i dont think he will ever fully be gone from this world he still lives on especially in all of our hearts and i think coming to terms with that is important this is also the first time that someone i love passed away so i didnt know how to deal with it at all especially since i love jjong so fucking much he was and still is so important to me i wanna thank him for everything that he has done i still feel bad knwoing that he had to suffer and that i couldnt do anything for him but i think just as we dont want him to suffer he doesnt want us to suffer as well so as hard as it may be we should live our lives in thebest way we can and show him how much he meant to us i willnever forget about him and my heart will always feel heavy because of what happened but i think the love i have for him is stronger than the sadness i feel and thats realy important or maybe i’m just bullshitting but thats okay too i think if i killed myself here right now he wouldnt have wanted that not that he knows me or cares about me specifically or anything but im sure he didnt want to cause this much sadness and hurt and as much as i would like tp say that he’s happy now and that he’s watching over us in heaven i dont believe in the afterlife so i wont say that but i do believe that he’s watching over us his energy is still present in the world and i do like that thought hes still here with us he still loves us and we still love him so jjong, i thank you, i miss you and i love you from the bottom of my heart.

#suicide mention #asks

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