#first it was AVPD I literally shat on myself the whole time like ‘I have this mind anxiety I can’t deal with because I’m stupid and ugly’

[casimania]

If I had a nickel for every time my psychologist stared me straight in the eyes as she cracked open the DSM 5 after I brought up some issue I had in a self deprecating way that minimised said issue, I’d have two nickels. Which isn’t a lot, but it's weird that it happened twice.

Me 🤝 Having zero self awareness over my problems

#talking tag #first it was AVPD I literally shat on myself the whole time like ‘I have this mind anxiety I can’t deal with because I’m stupid and ugly’ #and she literally fucking slammed this big ass book on her desk and went do at least 4 of these statements resonate with you? #Except all of them did and she knew 😭 #now it was like ‘ah ah my whole life has been a battle against food I’m so weak willed and gross it’s a bit tiring tho’ #and she asked to elaborate and then we just started at each other as she grabbed the book again and went ‘So do any of these statements…’ #the funny/sad thing is that I know about eating disorders. I know what disordered eating looks like. #but if I don’t have someone walk me through it I’m just like ‘Oh I’m just built wrong and horrible which is why I can’t do things normally #and struggle and suffer but it’s not like I need help to deal with it because there’s nothing wrong with me I’m just subhuman😊’ #I’m just full of disorders and some of them want me to believe I don’t have any I’m just Wrong™ in an unchangeable way #It’s actually something that came up with the psychiatrist too. It’s not like I believed meds don’t work for people #it’s that in my head the way I was wasn’t changeable it was intrinsically me #mhhh personality disorders are so fun