#fam this got WAY longer than i intended i'm ngl apparently i got a LOT of thoughts on this ok

[thenewgothicromance]

“Craved it constantly”

So I know we’ve all talked a lot about drugs as a symbols in The Goldfinch but I want to talk a little bit more how heroin is specifically used throughout the book to symbolize love and sexuality.

Heroin is only mentioned a handful of times in the book, but each mention has its own interesting and meaningful implications. I think I’ve picked them all out here.

1. The first mention of heroin is on page 445, when Theo tells us that he only does it on offer, saying, “As much as I loved it, and craved it constantly, I never bought it. There would never be a reason to stop.”

On first mention, Theo identifies heroin as something he badly wants, but denies himself. And something that he knows, if he allowed himself, he could never escape. Already very loaded.

2. The next time heroin is mentioned, it’s when he’s confronting Kitsey about cheating on his with Tom. In this conversation Kitsey first, of course, tells him, “I don’t expect you to understand but it’s rough being in love with the wrong person.”

To which Theo’s narration tells us, “But who better knew the truth of what she was saying than me?”

Theo of course means, and wants us to believe, that the “wrong person,” he is in love with is Pippa. But we know (Theo tells us explicitly later on) that he isn’t really in love with Pippa at all - he’s simply attached to the idea of her, in his grief over losing his mother and her periphery to it.

So what, then, would it really mean, for Theo to know better than anyone that it’s rough to be in love with the wrong person?

Before we can ponder that too long, Kitsey gives us another line to chew on.

“I know all about your things, and I don’t care.”

To which Theo says, “Things?” (italics from the original text).

Kitsey then only mentions one thing, despite it having been brought to our attention that she knows of, plural, things.

First she says Theo has “straightened up” since they’ve been together, to which Theo asks, “What’s that supposed to mean?”

We haven’t even gotten to the heroin yet and this conversation is loaded with queer subtext. She knows about his secrets, being with her has “straightened” him up–but then she tells him, “Tessa told Em she stopped seeing you after she caught you snorting heroin at her kitchen table.”

Theo quickly denies that it was heroin, but the message is clear. Not only is heroin something Theo craves yet denies himself, but it’s now identified as something he denies in front of others, and something that would make a girl stop seeing him when he was “caught” with it. Not only are these things established, but they are explicitly applied to heroin over other drugs - Theo mentions that Tessa, for whom heroin was a dealbreaker, did “blow” (a sexually loaded term in itself), letting us know the drug being discussed is not coincidental.

3. Heroin next comes up when they are in Amsterdam discussing Sascha, and Gyuri says, “Sascha shoots heroin the way that you and I breathe.”

We don’t ever learn much about Sascha, beyond his involvement in art theft, but we DO learn that he’s gay.

Boris says, of the boy that gets away with the painting after they are held up, “…that was Sascha’s boyfriend!”

4. After they lose the painting and Boris drives Theo back to his hotel, he gives Theo a little bag of unnamed drugs. This is the when heroin begins to be associated with Boris exclusively. Not only has heroin thus far appeared in ways that seem to symbolized repressed desire, but for the rest of the novel we will be often reminded that this is relevant concerning Boris in particular.

Later, in hotel room, Theo tells us it’s heroin in the bag, and that there is a “rainbow skull” printed on the side. Enough said.

5. Heroin is mentioned, along with cocaine, as one of the words Theo searches for in a newspaper when he is looking for news of Boris.

6. It is, then, Boris’ heroin that Theo uses in his suicide attempt. There are a few ways to look at this.

Theo views his suicide as being euthanized. In his letter to Hobie he compares himself to a “sick puppy” he and his mother once found on the street that had to be put down. His secrets, his things are getting the best of him. He is succumbing to his secrets metaphorically, but literally, he is succumbing to the heroin. They are one of the same. The drugs, we know are not his secret. So what is? We’ll get back to that.

The other way to look at it is, particularly since Theo is not successful in his attempt, a rebirth. Theo is “dying” in order to be born again, into a new world in which he will soon learn that he is free of his biggest secret: the painting.

Because the painting is, of course, Theo’s biggest secret.

But the painting itself is a symbol. It’s a symbol for many things throughout the book - for Theo’s mother, for his younger and more innocent self, for the core of himself and his desires - but overall, as is made clear at the end of the book, it is a symbol of love. Theo tells us that love has followed the painting, “down through time,” that he himself is immortal in his love for it. Theo’s secret is the painting, and the painting is love, which makes Theo’s secret, at the end of the day, love. And it is this secret, this love, that he is being subsumed by, as he takes the heroin.

Love for whom, again? Whose heroin is it, that he’s taking?

7. Our last mention of heroin is, of course, by Boris, as he shoots up in Antwerp. This scene - the final scene in the book - is loaded with coded imagery (don’t even get me started on the moon business) but their actions and conversations are centered around this action, and their conversation about it. The themes and phrasing perfectly mirror the first ever mention we got of heroin.

Boris says of heroin that “On [his] deathbed [he] will crave it,” just as Theo said he “…loved it, and craved it constantly.”

Theo asks him if he’s thought of quitting, and Boris says, “Why should I?” just as Theo said, “There would never be a reason to stop.”

Their desire is mutual. And it is, in fact, this conversation that prompts Theo to the revelation that, “we can’t escape who we are,” (and notably compares resisting that to his father trying to have a wife and child).

The map through these seven mentions looks like this

A nearly irresistible but denied desire —> a desire that is secret, not “straight,” and unsuitable for a relationship with a woman —> specifically the desire of a man who loves other men —> a desire that Boris grants Theo —> a desire specifically associated with Boris —> a desire to, at the end of the day, be consumed by love —> a desire that Theo and Boris share, and cannot escape.

#the goldfinch #theo decker #boris pavlikovsky #fam this got WAY longer than i intended i'm ngl apparently i got a LOT of thoughts on this ok #and dare i say it.......more to come LOL #i love having time to do stuff like this again #meta