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deus-mendacium · 25 days

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missing numbers by @creatively-cosmic ; corresponding characters are their interps / belong to them

" y'know, ive started thinking."

she turned to him when he spoke, disdain on the tip of her tongue as she narrowed her eyes at his casual tone. this never meant anything good, and typically only served as her unfortunately learning of another one of his ridiculous ideas.

" i am not your chatting partner. " she informed Him, turning away and staring at something Beyond. even if this place was boring at times, she refused to leave. she refused to let him be by himself for too long, the clever little bastard. it would only mean more work for Her.

" no, really. this is a really good one. " he kept. fucking. talking. drawling out his words lazily and entirely ignoring her comment. she could practically see the smirk on his face, smug as ever. " life changing, even. you don't wanna miss this shit."

" i don't want to hear it. now now. not ever. " she snapped, scolding herself internally for not just ignoring him from the start. how foolish of her—another mistake to document for the future. she wouldn't make it again. she couldn't mess up again. " your ideas are nothing more than the ramblings of an insane man. your concepts are meaningless and your thoughts come from nowhere. i don't need your words, and i don't need your influence. "

" ah. still keeping the holier-than-thou scheme up, then?" ignore him. ignore him. ignore Him. ignore him. " think you're just the savior-ess of all worlds and im the big bad monster. "

she ignored his words because she was supposed to. not because she knew she wouldn't be able to keep herself in check. that was a ridiculous notion, and she purged the thought immediately. she wasn't easily swayed by emotion or desire, she wasn't supposed to be. and of course, to keep being useful, she had to make sure she was good enough. and yet…would it be wrong to respond if it were putting him in his place?

surely not. right?

right?

of course. because she was still doing her job—she was keeping him quiet and neutralized and keeping him from causing issues! she was…still doing what she was supposed to.

" this is for your own good too. " she insisted sharply, hands curling into fists. she would not be consumed by her weaker emotions. she would rather let them give way to frustration than show weakness in front of him. " you're a danger to everyone and yourself. "

" is that what you learned? " it was bait. she knew it was bait. and yet, she took it.

" it is. in fact. and it's been keeping us all safe for a long while. im doing you and everyone else a favor, and it isn't as if you don't deserve it. " her gaze was hard as she turned back to face him, crossing her arms. " you—"

" you," he interjected, sarcastic tone suddenly disappearing and being replaced with a cold one. " are a fuckin hypocrite."

she'd deny the sudden lump of fear she felt until the end of time. she gathered herself quickly, steeling her expression into something blanker as she opened her mouth to speak again.

" i don't think you're in any place to be throwing names around. " she informed him in a measured tone, never shifting her gaze from his even as that cold fear continued to seep through her. she refused to show it outwardly.

he met her gaze equally, expression a mix between bored and unreadable.

" nah. maybe not. you could probably do a lot of shit. but that just goes to prove my next point, doesn't it?" he shifted, sitting up the best he could with his restrictions. his wide grin returning was the only warning she got before he spoke again.

" you're so busy playing hero that you don't even see your own chains. really, you're just like me. you just hate to see it."

she couldn't keep herself from flinching, from flying off at the mouth and letting the words spill as she thought of them, anger lacing each one. " i am nothing like you. nothing! do you hear me, RED? we aren't the same, and we'll never be. what im doing is giving you what you fucking deserve!"

" aha! so it's not for the good of others? " he retorted immediately, taking pleasure in the way she bared her teeth at him in an almost animalistic anger. " you're selfish, too. you wanna know why nobody remembered you?"

before she could respond, he lunged forward, chains glowing brightly with the strain as his grin seemed to widen impossibly.

" because you were unimportant. nobody needed a girl named [REDACTED]. boys and girls alike we're fine with a simple avatar of male. you weren't supposed to exist. ever. so you were forgotten, just like you deserved. " he didn't give her a chance to speak, to defend herself. he kept talking, watching her crack. " we both were forgotten! but at least i was important. i started this fucking shit! what fucking importance did you have, huh? appear in one game and think you're the big shit?! you're fucking nothing!"

she couldn't breathe.

she willed herself to say something anything to deny it to hurt him but the words

died in her throat.

[ R???E????D ] leaned back, grin never faltering. " if you're something that doesn't belong, never belonged, and only fucked everything up with your existence then really, what makes you any different than the glitch pokemon that do the same?"

she didn't move. frozen in place, her body betrayed her mind's rapid orders to move to do something to do Anything to shut him up to make him Stop make him Stop make him Sto

" nothing. " he practically purred. " so, answer me one question, wontcha?"

" who's the real danger here, LEAF? "

#*.text #eyler's journal #now that that's out the way let's add the #missing numbers #missing numbers fanwork

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flarechaser · 6 years

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Bibliography for my term paper on evolutionary studies of homosexuality

A large part of this paper was critiquing how these studies were being done, and that included citing some pretty egregious examples of using out of date and discriminatory language. Some of those words are included in the titles. Please take care of yourself when reading these. A lot of it is interesting, and there are a lot of resources here for producing better, community oriented, respectful research that's applicable across the humanities. But it can get overwhelming. Bailey, J M, and P Bell (Bailey and Bell 1993, 313-322) 1993 Familiality of female and male homosexuality. Behavior genetics 23(4):313–22. DOI:10.1007/BF01067431. Bailey, J. Michael, Michael P. Dunne, and Nicholas G. Martin (Bailey et al 2000, 524-536) 2000 Genetic and environmental influences on sexual orientation and its correlates in an Australian twin sample. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology 78(3):524–536. DOI:10.1037/0022-3514.78.3.524. Bailey, J., RC. Pillard, MC. Neale, and Y. Agyei (Bailey et al 1993, 217-233) 1993 Heritable Factors Influence Sexual Orientation in Women. Arch Gen Psychiatry 50(3):217–223. Barber, Nigel (Barber 1998, 387-401) 1998 Ecological and psychosocial correlaties of male homosexuality. Journal of Cross-Cultural Psychology. 29(3):387-401. Bentler, P M, and P R Abramson (Bentler and Abramson 1981, 225-251) 1981 The science of sex research: some methodological considerations. Archives of sexual behavior 10(3):225–251. DOI:10.1007/BF01543077. Blackwood, E. (Blackwood 1985, 1-17) 1985 Breaking the mirror: the construction of lesbianism and the anthropological discourse on homosexuality. [Review] [74 refs]. Journal of Homosexuality 11(3–4):1–17. DOI:10.1300/J082v11n03. Blanchard, Ray (Blanchard 2012, 551-556) 2012 Fertility in the mothers of firstborn homosexual and heterosexual men. Archives of Sexual Behavior 41(3):551–556. DOI:10.1007/s10508-011-9888-0. Bobrow, David, and J Michael Bailey (Bobrow and Bailey 2001, 361-368) 2001 Is male homosexuality maintained via kin selection ? Evolution and Human Behavior 22:361–368. DOI:10.1016/S1090-5138(01)00074-5. Buhrich, Nell, JM Bailey, and NG Martin (Buhrich et al 1991, 75-96) 1991 Sexual orientation, sexual identity, and sex-dimorphic behaviors in male twins. Behavior Genetics 2(I):75–96. Byne, William, Susan Bradley, Eli Coleman, Evan Eyler, Richard Green, Edgardo J Menvielle, Heino F L Meyer-Bahlburg, Richard R Pleak, and D Andrew Tompkins (Byne et al 2011, 1-35) 2011 Report of the APA Task Force on Gender Identity and Gender Variance. Am J Psychiatry(July 2011):1–35. DOI:10.1037/e516782010-001. Camperio Ciani, Andrea S., Lilybeth Fontanesi, Francesca Iemmola, Elga Giannella, Claudia Ferron, and Luigi Lombardi (Camperio-Ciani et al 2012, 2878-2887) 2012 Factors Associated with Higher Fecundity in Female Maternal Relatives of Homosexual Men. Journal of Sexual Medicine 9(11):2878–2887. DOI:10.1111/j.1743-6109.2012.02785.x. Camperio Ciani, Andrea, and Elena Pellizzari (Camperio-Ciani and Pellizzari 2012) 2012 Fecundity of Paternal and Maternal Non-Parental Female Relatives of Homosexual and Heterosexual Men. PLoS ONE 7(12). DOI:10.1371/journal.pone.0051088. Camperio-Ciani, A., F. Corna, and C. Capiluppi (Camperio-Ciani et al 2004, 2217-2221) 2004 Evidence for maternally inherited factors favouring male homosexuality and promoting female fecundity. Proceedings of the Royal Society B: Biological Sciences 271(1554):2217–2221. DOI:10.1098/rspb.2004.2872. Catania, Joseph A., David R. Gibson, Dale D. Chitwood, and Thomas J. Coates (Catania et al 1990, 339-362) 1990 Methodological problems in AIDS behavioral research: Influences on measurement error and participation bias in studies of sexual behavior. Psychological Bulletin 108(3):339–362. DOI:10.1037/0033-2909.108.3.339. Camperio-Ciani, Andrea, Francesca Iemmola, and Stan R. Blecher (Camperio-Ciani et al 2009, 449-455) 2009 Genetic factors increase fecundity in female maternal relatives of bisexual men as in homosexuals. Journal of Sexual Medicine 6(2):449–455. DOI:10.1111/j.1743-6109.2008.00944.x. Dawood, Khytam, Richard C. Pillard, Christopher Horvath, William Revelle, and J. Michael Bailey (Dawood et al 2000, 155-163) 2000 Familial aspects of male homosexuality. Archives of Sexual Behavior 29(2):155–163. DOI:10.1023/A:1001955721992. Denmark, Florence, Nancy Felipe Russo, Irene Hanson Frieze, and Jeri A Sechzer (Denmark et al 1988, 582-585) 1988 Guidelines for Avoiding Sexism in Psychological Research. American Psychologist 43(7):582–585. Fenton, K. A., A. M. Johnson, S. McManus, and B. Erens (Fenton et al 2001, 84-92) 2001 Measuring sexual behaviour: Methodological challenges in survey research. Sexually Transmitted Infections 77(2):84–92. DOI:10.1136/sti.77.2.84. Forrester, Deanna L., Doug P. Vanderlaan, Jessica L. Parker, and Paul L. Vasey (Forrester et al 2011, 339-352) 2011 Male sexual orientation and avuncularity in Canada: Implications for the Kin selection Hypothesis. Journal of Cognition and Culture 11(3–4):339–352. DOI:10.1163/156853711X591288. Herek, Gregory M., Douglas C. Kimmel, Hortensia Amaro, and Gary B. Melton (Herek et al 1991, 957-963) 1991 Avoiding Heterosexist Bias in Psychological Research. American Psychologist 46(9):957–963. DOI:10.1037/0003-066X.46.9.957. Hershberger, Scott L (Hershberger 2016, 212-222) 2016 A Twin Registry Study of Male and Female Sexual Orientation. The Journal of Sex Research 34(2):212–222. Hoffman, Louis, and Justin Lincoln (Hoffman and Lincoln 2011) 2011 Science, interpretation, and identity in the sexual orientation debate: What does finger length have to do with understanding a person? [References]. PsycCRITIQUES 56(15). DOI:http://dx.doi.org/10.1037/a0023178. Idani, G. (Idani 1991, 83-95) 1991 Social Relationships between Immigrant and Resident Bonobo (Pan paniscus) Females at Wamba. Folia Primatologica 57(2):83–95. DOI:10.1159/000156568. Iemmola, Francesca, and Andrea Camperio Ciani (Iemmola and Camperio-Ciani 2009, 393-399) 2009 New evidence of genetic factors influencing sexual orientation in men: Female fecundity increase in the maternal line. Archives of Sexual Behavior 38(3):393–399. DOI:10.1007/s10508-008-9381-6. Jensen Krige, Eileen (Jensen Krige 2017) 2017 Woman-Marriage, with Special Reference to the Loυedu. Its Significance for the Definition of Marriage. Journal of the International African Institute, Vol . 44, No. 1 44(1). Kirkpatrick, R. C. (Kirkpatrick 2000, 385-413) 2000 The Evolution of Human Homosexual Behavior. Current Anthropology 41(3):385–413. DOI:10.1086/300145. LeVay, Simon (LeVay 1997, 172-193) 1997 Chapter 9 Genes. In Queer science: the use and abuse of research into homosexuality, pp. 172–193. MIT Press, Cambridge, MA Manson, Joseph H, Susan Perry, and Amy R Parish (Manson, Perry, and Parish 1997, 767-786) 1997 Nonconceptive Sexual Behavior in Bonobos and Capuchins. International Journal of Primatology 18(5):767–786. DOI:10.1023/A. Melton, Gary B. (Melton 1989, 933-940) 1989 Public Policy and Private Prejudice Psychology and Law on Gay Rights. American Psychologist 44(6):933–940. DOI:10.1037/0003-066X.44.6.933. Melton, Gary B., Robert J. Levine, Gerald P. Koocher, Robert Rosenthal, and William C. Thompson (Melton et al 1988, 573-581) 1988 Community Consultation in Socially Sensitive Research: Lessons From Clinical Trials of Treatments for AIDS. American Psychologist 43(7):573–581. DOI:10.1037/0003-066X.43.7.573. Morin, Stephen F. (Morin 1977, 35-58) 1977 Heterosexual bias in psychological research on lesbianism and male homosexuality (1979-1983), utilizing the bibliographic and taxonomic system of Morin (1977). Journal of homosexuality 13(1):35–58. DOI:10.1300/J082v13n01_03. Murphy, Timothy F. (Murphy 1998, 1-11) (Murphy 1998, 13-48) 1998 Introduction. In Gay science: the ethics of sexual orientation research, pp. 1–11. Columbia University Press, New York. 1998 Chapter 1 Scientific Accounts of Sexual Orientation. In Gay science: the ethics of sexual orientation research, pp. 13-48. Columbia University Press, New York. Parish, Amy Randall (Parish 1994, 157-179) 1994 Sex and food control in the “uncommon chimpanzee”: How Bonobo females overcome a phylogenetic legacy of male dominance. Ethology and Sociobiology 15(3):157–179. DOI:10.1016/0162-3095(94)90038-8. Rahman, Qazi, Anthony Collins, Martine Morrison, Jennifer Claire Orrells, Khatija Cadinouche, Sherene Greenfield, and Sabina Begum (Rahman et al 2008, 962-969) 2008 Maternal inheritance and familial fecundity factors in male homosexuality. Archives of Sexual Behavior 37(6):962–969. DOI:10.1007/s10508-007-9191-2. Rahman, Qazi, and Matthew S. Hull (Rahman and Hull 2005, 461-467) 2005 An empirical test of the kin selection hypothesis for male homosexuality. Archives of Sexual Behavior 34(4):461–467. DOI:10.1007/s10508-005-4345-6. Rind, Bruce (Rind 2016, 397-407) 2016 Biased Use of Cross-Cultural and Historical Perspectives on Male Homosexuality in Human Sexuality Textbooks. 35(4):397–407. Roscoe, Will (Roscoe 1987, 81-172) 1987 Bibliography of Berdache and Alternative Gender Roles Among North American Indians, Journal of Homosexuality, 14:3-4, 81-172 Schroder, Kerstin E E, Michael P Carey, and Peter A Vanable (Schroder et al 2005, 96-99) 2005 Methodological Challenges in Research on Sexual Risk Behavior: III. Response to Commentary. Annals of Behavioral Medicine 29(2):96–99. Smuts, Barbara, and John M. Watanabe (Smuts and Watanabe 1990, 147-172) 1990 Social relationships and ritualized greetings in adult male baboons (Papio cynocephalus anubis). International Journal of Primatology 11(2):147–172. Strassberg, Donald S., and Kristi Lowe (Strassberg and Lowe 1995, 269-382) 1995 Volunteer bias in sexuality research. Archives of Sexual Behavior 24(4):369–382. DOI:10.1007/BF01541853. Vasey, Paul L (Vasey 1996, 539-551) 1996 Interventions and alliance formation between female Japanese macaques, Macaca fuscata, during homosexual consortships. Animal Behaviour 52(1991):539–551. DOI:10.1006/anbe.1996.0196. Vasey, Paul L., and Doug P. Vanderlaan (Vasey and Vanderlaan 2012, 209-215) 2012 Sexual orientation in men and avuncularity in Japan: Implications for the kin selection hypothesis. Archives of Sexual Behavior 41(1):209–215. DOI:10.1007/s10508-011-9763-z. Williams, Walter (Williams 2001) 2001 Benefits for Nonhomophobic Societies: An Anthropological Perspective. In Ed. Warren Blumenfeld Homophobia: how we all pay the price. Beacon Press, Boston. Wiederman, Michael W. (Wiederman 1999, 59-66) 1999 Volunteer bias in sexuality research using college student participants. Journal of Sex Research 36(1):59–66. DOI:10.1080/00224499909551968. Wilson, Edward O. (Wilson 1975) 1975 Sociobiology: the new synthesis. Belknap Press of Harvard University Press, Cambridge, MA. Wrangham, Richard W. (Wrangham 1993, 47-79) 1993 The evolution of sexuality in chimpanzees and bonobos. Human Nature 4(1):47–79. DOI:10.1007/BF02734089.

#Grad school tag

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pseudoneiiric · 4 years

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meta post: lili and her gender

let me go on the record to say that i fucking love lilian eyler with my whole heart, like, i typed all this out and im so fucking emotional about her! in the past, i've written things about hello charlotte and how the lgbt representation is... lacking, let's call it, and i've also made a few headcanon posts here and there about lilian's transition and her relationship with gender. so i thought, you know, let's actually write a whole ass thing about it. so here it is.

content warnings: gender dysphoria, suicide attempts, homophobia/transphobia in the original source material

PART 1: ETHERANE'S BAD TAKES so... etherane did not handle lgbt stuff well, like, in the slightest. lili is canonically genderfluid, as seen in one of those little profile things that etherane drew that doesn't actually show up in any of the games. but her genderfluid identity isn't handled well at all in the actual source material. actually, in general, hello charlotte is pretty transphobic. to cite one example, there’s this journal entry in hello charlotte 3 talking about “defective” charlotte vessels, and one of the things that can make a charlotte vessel “defective” is for them to be born amab or intersex. this already has some really bad vibes, but then we remember also that one of the big functions of charlottes is apparently for them to be sexualized (yikes!!!!!) and so we also get this weird kind of like, “trans people aren’t hot” kind of take?

but anyway. when it comes to lilian specifically, she never actually states in canon that she’s genderfluid or otherwise trans, not even in the spinoff visual novel, which, by the way, would have been the perfect place to address her gender identity, and she consistently uses he/him pronouns. we don’t actually get to see any of her thought processes about her gender at all — like at this point, i can’t even say it’s a non-issue because that would imply that they even mentioned her gender in canon. the only time we can potentially extrapolate from canon that lili might not be cis is when anri mentions that charlotte is lili’s self-insert oc. that’s kind of heavy-handed with the whole “charlotte being the female name for charles”, but that’s another matter. the point is, with the lack of any canon basis that lilian’s even vaguely questioned her gender, the reveal that she’s actually genderfluid with like, two pieces of artwork that are detached from the actual game feels very pxrfxrmxtxvxly xnclxsxvx (performatively inclusive) especially considering how.... etherane talked about lilian’s gender in particular within the actual canon material.

after all, the story behind lilian is effectively that, after she was born, her mother was forced to abort her second child, a daughter that she would name scarlett. doing so plunged her into a really deep depression that eventually took on delusional qualities. so ever since lilian was about three years old, her mother has been referring to her exclusively as scarlett, asking her to ‘ be a good girl ’ and similarly raising her as a girl. we can see here that etherane seems to have implied that genderfluidity is something that happens because other people make it so, and isn’t an identity and lived experience. (bad take!) although, albeit unintentionally, i think etherane did lay some groundwork to talk about lilian’s relationship with her gender, specifically with regards to her projection onto her oc, charlotte. in high school, when she’s more active on the internet, we see that she’s going by charlotte and using she/her pronouns. anri, her irl friend, is pretty openly critical of that, but she sort of brushes off anri’s complaints and continues to present as feminine online. now, there’s this fanfic writer who goes by the pseudonym “c”, and lilian very quickly takes an interest in him. the way she talks to c, who doesn’t know her irl, compared anri, who does, is just like flat-out like they’re completely different people.

compare, her with c:

to her with anri:

i also wanted to mention that lili does occasionally act more “femininely” with anri, but it’s never to the extent that she does with c, and in general, affectionate banter is sort of... outright ridiculed in their friendship both ways. see this one exchange:

anri: >:) always up for some roasting lili: right? <3 <3 anri: now you’re the one being gross

unrelated but it fucking kills me that anri was like “ily <3” and lili went “gross” so she went “kys” and lili deadass goes “that’s better” like that’s what anri is referencing when she says “now you’re the one being gross” and im like... please just be healthy friends who don’t wish death on each other???

it’s also worth noting that c doesn’t know that she’s not “actually” a girl, and literally when they meet, she goes like, “it’s you who should be disappointed in me. charlotte turned out to be charles, whoops! i bet you were hoping that i’d be a cute girl.” and that’s... really depressing, like, she ended up really leaning into that cutesy side of her when she was talking to c and now she feels the need to be a lot more... sarcastic and bitter, like how she is with anri, because now c “knows the truth about her”, that she’s “actually been a guy all along”.

in any case, i think the intent that etherane was going for with this was kind of like... “lilian’s actually a repressed cis gay man!” which is . not great. it gives off this really gross vibes where it’s implied that since lili was raised as a girl and is into men, she got “confused” and started going by she/her online because she couldn’t come to terms with her sexuality or whatever. and that’s just such a bad take!!!

not to mention that a really important part of lili’s backstory is... her germaphobia. she has persistent delusions accompanied by visual hallucinations where she sees people as “parasites”, which visually manifests as them rotting or decomposing. because of that, she wears gloves all the time and is repulsed by physical touch. but when she meets c (whose real name is vincent) in person, she pretty much instantly goes for skin-to-skin contact with him, where she takes off her glove and holds his hand. and like, sure, that’s sweet, but that’s really not how mental illness... works. in the slightest. she doesn’t react at all when his hand touches hers, despite the fact that she has literally had panic attacks in canon from touching things without her gloves. and it gives off this implication that mental illness can be cured with romance somehow, and that’s a really bad take!

this feeds into fandom understanding that like, well, if lilian sees vincent as pure and allows him to touch her, then Obviously she’d let him kiss her, they could probably have sex, etc. and like... she’s canonically asexual though! and that brings us to the other implication, that asexuality is somehow... caused by something. like, there’s nothing in canon to state that lilian experiences sexual attraction (or even really romantic attraction, like i know etherane went off in heaven’s gate and did a lot of ship tease, but she never really outright says she’s crushing on anyone), but judging from the way etherane handled lilian’s gender identity, i have a sneaking suspicion that she established lilian’s asexuality with her mental illnesses specifically in mind. lilian’s autistic, germaphobic, has severe ocd, and she’s been sexually assaulted in the past. therefore, she must be asexual! that’s the sort of vibes i get from the game, and im not here for it. similarly to how her genderfluidity was handled, she makes no actual statement in canon that she doesn’t experience sexual attraction. the closest she’s ever come to this is when she says to anri in heaven’s gate that she is just straight up not interested in kissing (to which anri is like, “well what if it were vincent owo??” which. ugh. anyway). it just seems really strange to me to design a character with severe mental health issues with regards to physical touch and then just sort of treat it as a given that she’s asexual. it’s another example of etherane implying that lgbt identities are results of traumatic experiences or symptoms of mental illness and not an identity or lived experience. you can be sex-repulsed and not be asexual, and while i understand that many people do identify as ace due to trauma and other such things, it still feels like really bad rep when taken with the way lilian’s genderfluidity was portrayed.

PART 2: HOW “CHARLES” IS DIFFERENT FROM “LILIAN”

throughout hello charlotte, lilian identifies herself as a passive observer, someone who doesn’t directly interfere in events. this applies mostly to her existence in false realm, where she’s like... a god, and doesn’t want to interfere in the balance of the world. but i believe she also has always seen herself as an observer. in her very first scene, the one where she and anri are watching someone get bullied, she’s the one who tells anri that there’s no point in getting help. because her role is just to observe. to take pictures for anri, to be a good girl, to say yes to everything and to never express her opinions, feelings, thoughts.

and honestly, i think the main reason for that is that she’s dysphoric. whenever she talks about herself, she’s really self-deprecating, especially compared to when she talks about charlotte. i feel like the main reason why lilian detaches herself from the world and refuses to really perceive herself is because she’s fundamentally disgusted with her gender presentation. and like, we can see in the two times that she’s presented femininely (with c and in that one comic) that lili is just so much happier and more bubbly when she’s presenting as feminine. you can literally see her stop dissociating and becoming more present in the moment because she’s just. so much more comfortable in her skin. compare:

these pictures with this one:

it’s funny i was going to say that there is a picture where she’s presenting as masculine and actually smiles like a person, but guess what! she’s texting c! so she’s actually performing femininity!

but the point is, like... when she’s presenting as masculine, especially in the canon pictures rather than etherane’s art, she just doesn’t look... happy. and then we compare that to how much more present she seems when she’s presenting as feminine, and how much more comfortable she seems in being, like, happy! and cute! but there is a downside to this. and that is...

PART 3: DIFFICULTIES IN LILI’S TRANSITION

in my sort of... “main verse” for lili, i have it so that her suicide attempt failed and that she was somehow... saved from drowning. mother passes away and she starts to... soul search a little bit and find a reason to live, and somewhere along the line she starts to transition socially. that means she starts transitioning at a pretty... extremely vulnerable point in her life. in the year between 18-19 years old, she’d be a wreck. she’s growing her hair out, but she feels insecure about it. she starts to wear skirts, but only at home. she buys makeup and never wears it. it’s a long process for her, because it’s one thing to go by she/her online or to claim she’s just a gender-confused gay boy and a completely different thing to come out as a trans woman and to actually see herself as a woman and not some kind of imposter. considering that she was raised as a girl, she would have a large amount of guilt over transitioning, feeling like she’s going to be seen as confused, or that her gender identity is a direct result of her childhood trauma. but she’s not just worried that others will see her that way: she’s worried that she’s going to see herself that way.

and for a long time, she probably does see herself that way. for a long time, scarlett would probably treat her transition as some kind of attempt to personify her unborn sister and comply with perceived expectations rather than an attempt to feel comfortable in her own skin. she’d get nervous that she’s somehow becoming scarlett, because though she’s always thought it would be easier if she’d just been her sister, she’s never really wanted to be scarlett. she’d be scared to wear mid-length skirts, scared to put her hair up in a bun, probably even scared to wear red for a time, all because she’s scared of somehow losing herself and becoming her alter.

because of her caution and concern with identifying as a trans woman and not as the “safer“ gender identity of genderfluidity (where she can say she’s trans but never actually have to “push boundaries” by wearing feminine clothing or using any pronouns besides he/him), it would likely take her a very long time to take the step to medically transition. she’d likely never get any gender affirmation surgeries just because of how invasive the procedure is, but hormones would probably be something she’d look into once she’s much older and has a more stable income.

i mentioned before that before her transition, she uses dissociation and observation as a way to cope with her gender dysphoria. she saw herself as someone who didn’t really participate in the world, was a class ghost, invisible to everyone and a minuscule part of a vast universe. but upon transitioning, she’d feel much more actively self-conscious. once she starts to present in a feminine way, she’d feel like she’s being seen, like she’s actually participating in the world, and that’s both a blessing and a curse.

she’d be much more prone to stammering, especially when saying her name, and would blush far more often. she’d be afraid of saying the wrong thing or messing up somehow. and on top of that, she’d likely feel predatory for talking to others, always wondering if others find her cute or repulsive, always wondering if someone will perceive her and harm her in some way.

she’d very likely also feel really guilty about her own emotional experience. because she’s so used to being a passive observer, a puppet that only does what others want, she would feel like it’s selfish to be just... content. she’s so actively disgusted with herself before she transitions that she’s never allowed herself to be mentally present for a happy moment in her entire life. she always second-guesses, always dismisses positive things as a mere coincidence, and after she transitions, when she starts being more present in her life, she’d feel so guilty for just allowing herself to be happy.

because of that, she has some trouble with presenting as feminine consistently — she’d vary the “level” of her feminine presentation from day-to-day, where she might go full femme one day and another day stick with a beanie and a pair of slacks. she’s much more comfortable with presenting as more traditionally feminine when she’s at home or with trusted friends in a private space, but around 19 years old, she makes a vested effort to remain in public spaces. she’d time herself, saying, “for one hour, i’ll stay in this café while wearing a skirt, and then i can leave,” and she’d gradually increase the amount of time she spends in public spaces. and eventually, eventually she does end up feeling really comfortable with her gender presentation and falls into a more static sense of style. she really likes clothing design, so she ends up wearing a lot more dynamic outfits when she’s more comfortable with herself, and she probably also mildly gets into cosplay.

i also like to think that she reconnects with anri during her young adult years. either it’s like, right after her suicide attempt (i’ve written before that she’d had anri listed as her emergency contact and forgot to change it when she moved), or it’s at some point after she starts transitioning socially. i think it’d be really sweet for them to be friends in a more real way, and the sheer concept of anri teaching lili how to properly apply makeup and to set her hair is just so fucking sweet i might die. they both deserve to have friends so i think this is just a step up from hello charlotte canon.

#long post //#lilian eyler: study.#ive been working on this post for days. im fuckign emotional about her

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jimgsimon · 5 years

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The Death of the Supplemental Register?

Let’s all hope that the Supplemental Trademark Register is not on the death watch.

It appears though to be on life support, at times, and especially with the USPTO’s heightened focus on “merely informational” matter, including laudatory messages.

This is a common basis for registration refusal nowadays: “Merely informational matter fails to function as a mark to indicate source and thus is not registrable.”

Don’t all valid trademarks communicate information? Exactly. How does the USPTO know when at least one of the bits of that information is not about the source?

It cannot be fatal to validity that a mark communicates more information than simply source, see a suggestive mark or a descriptive one that has become distinctive.

Although not a laudatory example, the first precedential decision from the TTAB in 2019 denied Wal-Mart’s application on the Principal Register, for INVESTING IN AMERICAN JOBS, a slogan for retail store services, calling it “merely informational,” incapable as a mark:

Wal-Mart recognized that its claimed mark communicated descriptive information, yet it argued that its evidence was sufficient to show acquired distinctiveness.

What’s striking about the Wal-Mart decision is that evidence of descriptiveness was used to support the fatal conclusion that the slogan can never function as a mark.

It relied on a series of prior cases holding certain phrases incapable of functioning as marks (THINK GREEN, GUARANTEED STARTING, DRIVE SAFELY, and others).

It used evidence typically supportive of a descriptiveness refusal to say that Wal-Mart’s slogan would not be perceived as a mark to indicate the source of services.

It also pointed to several examples like “ONCE A MARINE, ALWAYS A MARINE,” “PROUDLY MADE IN THE USA,” and “THE BEST BEER IN AMERICA,” as merely informational or laudatory slogans, incapable of serving a trademark purpose.

Laudatory terms long have been considered merely descriptive (not generic) for the provided goods or services, so they’re ideally suited for the Supplemental Register.

The Supplemental Register exists as a holding cell for merely descriptive phrases not yet distinctive, but capable of becoming distinctive, maybe at some future time.

Incapable matter — subject matter that cannot serve as a trademark — like generic terms and phrases are impossible and hopeless of ever functioning as a valid mark.

TMEP 1202.04(a) actually blends laudatory and informational: “Matter that only conveys general information about the applicant’s identified goods or services, including highly laudatory claims of superiority, fails to function as a mark.”

So, now we’re going to differentiate between garden variety laudatory claims that are descriptive, and “highly laudatory claims of superiority” — the latter being incapable, and the former holding out some hope of having at least a chance?

This unfortunate approach is reminiscent of the widely criticized approach of the “so highly descriptive” category as to be incapable of serving a trademark purpose.

All the way back in 1989, I went on the record, questioning the “so highly descriptive as to be incapable” line of cases in “Putting the Cart Before the Horse in Assessing Trademark Validity — Toward Redefining the Inherently Generic Term,” published in the University of Iowa College of Law’s Journal of Corporation Law.

The problem with the “so highly descriptive” category is it treats descriptive matter as incapable and generic without the rigors of an actual genericness determination.

The poster (or coaster) child for the eerily similar approach is the Federal Circuit’s 1999 decision rejecting Sam Adam’s THE BEST BEER IN AMERICA slogan as incapable, blurring the distinction between descriptive and generic designations:

In that decision, Sam Adams had “not met its burden to show” that the slogan THE BEST BEER IN AMERICA for beer, had acquired distinctiveness/secondary meaning.

Had the TTAB and Federal Circuit stopped there, fair enough, doing so would have allowed Sam Adams to seek a Supplemental Registration and try again later (with more evidence of acquired distinctiveness) for a coveted Principal Registration.

But instead, both the TTAB below and the Federal Circuit on review, went on to editorialize that no amount of evidence could ever turn THE BEST BEER IN AMERICA into a trademark, not because it’s generic, but because it’s incapable.

That’s what courts routinely said about single color marks, they’re impossible and incapable of serving a trademark purpose, until Owens Corning came along with the Pink Panther, to reverse decades of thinking against single color trademarks.

And, if “highly laudatory claims of superiority” are actually incapable of a trademark purpose and outside the possible definition of a trademark, then how can Principal Registration of AMERICA’S BEST BEER DRINKING CITY be explained, or these?

Let’s be honest, since the stated test is really to discern how the claimed mark would be perceived by the relevant public, too easily dismissing evidence going to that question, doesn’t help and starts to feel more like an impossible shell game.

I’d rather see the evidence of descriptiveness (which provides information) used to support a descriptiveness refusal, allow a Supplemental Registration, then the USPTO can wage the real evidentiary battle with claims of acquired distinctiveness.

Last week was an incredible opportunity to share some of these thoughts in NYC with those attending Practicing Law Institute’s Advanced Trademark Law 2019 seminar, thanks to PLI, Kenneth Min, and co-chairs Kieran Doyle and Dean Eyler!

In the end, let’s all hope that the USPTO reins in its hyper-focus on expanding the “merely informational” and outcome-determinative category of incapable subject matter, so we don’t have to kiss the Supplemental Register goodbye.

Additional hat tip to Sam Adam’s and its vintage painter’s cap:

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nancydhooper · 5 years