#experiencing unspeakable growing pains while trying to answer silly little emails because i’m a working girl

[antagonistenthusiast]

my birthday is this week and i can’t stop thinking about growing up. my mom making me breakfast as a kid before i had a big test. my dad letting me hold my hands on the steering wheel of his old car. my mom taking me to sears because it’s the only place that made the jeans i liked. my dad making me finish every activity i signed up for because he didn’t want me to be a quitter. my mom teaching me how to make christmas cookies. my dad being proud when i got first chair clarinet. my mom telling all of her friends that i made honor roll again. my dad checking on my car and making sure everything is running smoothly. my mom picking up something from the store just because she saw it and thought of me. my dad killing a spider because i’m afraid. my mom making me a birthday cake every year. my dad asking how i’ve been. all of the things that made me who i am as a person and how they all feel so distant now. i can see the hurt my parents feel and the horrible things we’ve been through that have made them bitter and angry and all of the ways they feel like they failed. i don’t know how i can be angry with them for the pain they’ve caused me despite their best intentions and how i can yearn for their love and the memories of the past at the same time. they made me. i’m unrecognizable to them. they love me. they don’t understand me. we miss each other. we won’t say it.

#put it in a letter jane austen #unfortunately i have been crying most of the day about all of this #experiencing unspeakable growing pains while trying to answer silly little emails because i’m a working girl