#everything is telling me no server available or bad gateway
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guys did the server crash
#everything is telling me no server available or bad gateway#idk if the problem is me or the site#max is speaking
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Let’s Play Transformers War for Cybertron, Chapter 3 Transcript
Episode
[This can also be found on AO3!]
[Into Music]
[The main menu for Transformers War for Cybertron displays.]
O: Hi, guys! Sooo, uh, we found out a thing last week. Um, they shut the servers for this game down, and you need the servers in order to play multiplayer. Soo... here’s what we’re gonna do. Ah, I’m gonna play, uh, and, uh, Specs and Chezni are going to provide commentary, probably while I’m making a fool of myself. And that’s how we’re gonna finish this damn- game dammit, because we are going to finish this. I started it, I wanna finish it.
C: A moment of silence for the Activision servers.
S: [sighs] Yup.
C: [laughs]
O: [laughs] Fuck you Activision.
S: [laughs]
O: I get it, just why can I not host a game or something!? I don’t know, I don’t know, I don’t know. I’m just annoyed, because I was actually having fun playing multiplayer and I’m like, oh COME ON!
S: It was fun, I’d been looking forward to it.
O: Well, hopefully, you’ll still be somewhat amused by watching me play. Unfortunately, and I’m- I’m really sad, cause I was so happy, I was like, yay, Chezni’s going to play as Soundwave, because I refuse to play as Soundwave, cause he basically, has a healing gun, which is all but useless when you have like, computer allies. So I’m like, oh yay, Soundwave will get some love! Mm-mm. Mm-mm.
S: [laughs]
O: And I refuse to play as anybody that isn’t Megatron in the Decepticon campaign, if he’s available, because unlike most of the other guns, you cannot pick up the Fusion Cannon as a drop, I am using the damn Fusion Cannon.
S: Ah.
C: You can’t steal Megatron’s arm?
O: [laughs] No, but in the sequel game you can!
[Owls selects Campaign > Solo Campaign > Chapter Select.]
C: I’m pretty sure that’s wrong…
O: [laughs] Well, I mean why not, the man stole a Prime arm- er, a Prime’s arm in Transformers: Prime, did he not?
[Chapter III, Iacon Destroyed is selected.]
O: Alright, uh, wait- what chapter was it? Yeah, Iacon Destroyed.
[Owls clicks on the first checkpoint before immediately backing out and then clicking on it again. The character selection menu is displayed and she scrolls through the three available characters for the level, Megatron, Soundwave, and Breakdown.]
O: We are in Iacon Destroyed, uh, our three characters available are: Breakdown, Soundwave, and Megatron. And Soundwave, rather sadly, doesn’t like, have any way to use his cassettes when you’re playing as him. Which makes me sad.
S: Aww. That’s disapp-
O: Cuz he definitely- he definitely uses them to fight you later.
S: That’s disappointing. I would have liked to play with um, Breakdown.
O: Yeah.
C: Yess. Specs you- you’re with me in that you’re- you’re a big Breakdown fan, right? Oh, no, wait! This is Breakdown, not Knockout, sorry!
O: [laughs]
S: Well, I- I like both of them.
C: Is Knockout in this game?
O: No, not at all!
S: No.
O: Knockout was created wholesale for Prime. Like he’s not- he didn’t appear in anything before that.
S: Yeah.
O: Whereas Breakdown, even if Prime wasn’t out yet (which I don’t think it was) was a character that existed in G1.
S: Yes, he came out late in Season 2, and he was part of the Stunticons. And his personality quirk is that he’s very neurotic.
C: Heh.
S: Like, he thinks street lights are staring at him.
C & O: [laugh]
O: Wow, that was quite different in Prime, wasn’t it? [laughs]
C: Wow.
S: Well, that’s just in G1, he’s not paranoid about things in uh, Prime. Cuz he’s an entirely different character with a completely different origin- origin, probably. Though, a lot of people like to write him as originally being a member of the Stunticons.
O: Is it bad my brain sunk- just jumped straight to, “Well, it’s amazing how much less neurotic he is after getting boned for a couple million years, huh?”
A: [laugh]
S: Oh god, the fact that apparently Breakdown-
O: I’m just saying, somebody look at Knockout and tell me that boy don’t fuck. I’m just saying! [laughs]
S: Well, the fact that Knockout’s entire design philosophy was apparently, make him sexy.
O & S: [laugh]
C: [imitating TFP Starscream] “Oh, you’re one of those.”
O & S: [laugh]
O: Starscream, you have no room to talk! [laughs]
C & S: [laugh]
O: NOOO room! [laughs]
S: Now I kinda wanna go get out the Prime artbook, but this is not the time! So let’s get to the- let’s get to the game.
C: Right, right.
O: Let’s get to me blowing things up!
[Owls selects Megatron and the game goes to a loading screen, before opening up with a text crawl narrated, yet again, by Steve Blum.
Narrator: Hungry for more power.]
O: [quietly] Oh, thank fuck. It was so loud guys, it was so loud, and now it’s not! [Referring to the sound issues in the last couple of chapters. ~O]
[Narrator: Megatron plans to corrupt the very core of Cybertron itself with Dark Energon. But to do so, he must first find the Omega Key. Which will unlock the gateway to the core.]
O: Nothing bad can happen with this plan!
S: [sighs] Oh, Megatron. He wants-
[Narrator: Megatron launches a full scale assault on Iacon, capital city of the Autobots where the key is protected by Zeta Prime--leader of the Autobots.]
O: This is a terrible idea! Why does he think this is a good idea!?
S: He really wants the Space Crack.
O: I- I guess, but- but did he need to give it to the planet!? [laughs]
S: He wants to infect the planet with Space Crack to get more Space Crack.
O: Ah, so he needs a Space Crack generating machine.
[An in-game cinematic starts with a drop ship hovering close to the ground in what appears to be the middle of a city. Megatron, Soundwave, and Breakdown jump off the ship onto the ground below, while Starscream drops out of the ship, and floats a little above the group in robot mode.
Megatron: Starscream - continue forward and meet Zeta Prime’s armies on the front line!
Starscream: Have no fear, Lord Megatron! Under my leadership, Decepticon victory is assured!]
O: Oh, shut up.
[Megatron: Do not fail me!
Starscream transforms and flies off into the sky.
Breakdown: Why aren’t we joining the main battle, Megatron?
Megatron: While Starscream attacks Zeta Prime’s armies head on, we shall move behind enemy lines and obtain the Omega Key.
As Megatron talks, the camera view cuts back and forth between the three party members as well as the battle they’ve been dropped into. Around them Autobot and Decepticon forces are fighting each other.]
O: Because-
[Breakdown: The Omega what?]
O: -he basically, will be invisible.
[Soundwave: The Omega Key grants access to the Core of Cybertron.]
C: Omega say what?
O: Soundwave <3
[Megatron: Once I have access to the core, I will infuse it with Dark Energon and subject the entire planet’s energy supply to MY WILL!
New Objective, Enter the Stellar Galleries, displays briefly on the right side of the screen.
The camera swaps to the gameplay view. The party has been dropped off on a raised platform that has two sets of stairs leading down to ground level off to the right and left.
In front of them is a large reddish-brown building, surrounded by more reddish-brown structures on either side. Directly in front of the building there appears to be some kind of courtyard, that contains blueish energon flowing like water in two fountains, two artificial waterfalls on either side of the courtyard, as well as additional water features visible at the building’s entrance.
The front of the building resembles a face with two eyes and a mouth.]
C: Does that building have a face?
[Autobot: Decepticon intruders! They’re inside the city!
Megatron stops and looks up at the weird face on the building.]
O: You know, it might?
[Breakdown: Autobots attacking! Hey, wasn’t Starscream supposed to keep these guys occupied?
The group is in the middle of a firefight, and Megatron is hit by a shot before running over to the edge of the raised platform the party is on and looking around. He shoots an Autobot at a sentry gun.]
O: Oh fuck, who’s shooting at me bug- you bastards!
[Megatron: Even the Autobots aren’t foolish enough to leave the Stellar Galleries undefended. Destroy them!]
O: That one exploded...
C: So Specs, now we get to act like uh, we're the masters of everything and we would never make any of the mistakes- [laughs]
O: [laughs] Yeah, yeah, you guys have fun over there. I'll just uh, you know- I'll put my metaphorical life on the line.
[Megatron continues to shoot at Autobots with his Fusion Cannon and attempts to avoid taking enemy fire.]
C: [laughs]
O: Or, you know, insert comment about, “I still have a Fusion Cannon here, thank you!”
S: Yeah, oh-
O: Fucking rocket fucker. [laughs]
[Megatron takes aim at an Autobot hiding behind a large energy shield. Periodically, the shield drops and the Autobot shots missiles, leaving them vulnerable for a few seconds.]
S: Oh. I like... I can't decide if the lighting is like, very warm or if that's supposed to be the metal color. One of those things- pieces of wall looks like a face, and it’s kind of-
O: [laughs] That’s what Chezni said too.
S: -fucking with me.
O: [laughs] The building is staring at you Specs! The building is staring at you, it’s a friendly building!
[Megatron jumps down off the platform and takes aim at some Autobots he couldn’t see in his previous vantage point.]
S: Nooo…
O: I feel like I’m in a- like, watch- now I feel like I’m watching a children’s show where like, everything has faces. [laughs]
S: Yeah.
C: Your friends on the right exploded for like, no reason.
O: Will you stay still, you!?
[Several Autobots run up to the area where Megatron and some Decepticon grunts are. Megatron attempts to shoot them but misses multiple times before finally hitting them.]
S: Oh.
O: Megatron! We need more bullets, or you need to have better aim!
[Megatron is still firing on Autobots, but is running low on ammunition.]
S: Hm, so-
[Autobots continue to target Megatron.]
O: Oh my god, go away! Oh sorry, Specs.
S: This area actually looks like it would be really pretty... if it wasn't in the middle of a firefight.
O: Yeah!
C: I agree.
O: Yeah, it does. And, you know, we're actually outside in what passes as daylight on Cybertron? Which, uh, which we- we haven't gotten to see like this entire time, you know?
[Megatron turns around in a circle, looking up at the sky which is reddish orange in color.]
S: Yeah.
C: So, wait, is it normal for Cybertron to have water?
O: Uh... yeah-
S: That’s not water.
O: It’s Energon.
C: Oh.
[The immediate Autobots defeated, the party moves forward towards the interior of the building, walking past all of the ‘water’ features.]
C: The Energon must flow.
O: Although, som- sometimes it has water? Sometimes it doesn’t. Sometimes it has the Sea of Rust?
S: Sometimes it's got other things. I mean, it could be uh, like, some sort of metal with a very low melting point.
O: Yeah.
C: Gotcha.
O: Pick one?
[Megatron is able to fully replenish his Fusion Cannon ammo. Off to his left a weapon chest is visible, he walks over to it.]
O: Oh good, a gun. Sniper rifle?
[Megatron smashes the chest and receives a Scatter Blaster (Full-Auto).]
O: No? No? Oh, damn.
[Megatron walks over to the left, smashing another ammo chest and then walking around to an area with multiple artificial waterfalls.]
S: Just the fact that your method of opening certain things just involves beating the shit out of it with-
O: Why- why do you think I’m like, “Megatron smash!” [laughs] Cuz it- it's very, very accurate, thank you.
S: Yeah.
[Seeing nothing else of value, Megatron turns around and transforms into vehicle mode, heading further into the interior of the building.]
O: Look, if I’m playing as a hulking warlord, I’m gonna have fun with it, okay?
[Soundwave: Megatron -- sensors indicate Autobot energy signatures nearby.
Breakdown: Where? I don’t see anything...
After heading up some stairs, Megatron exits into another smaller open air courtyard. In the middle stands a giant statue of some unknown Cybertronian. Soundwave and Breakdown follow behind Megatron, while three Decepticon grunts are waiting in front of the statue.]
O: I keep trying to shoot the Decepticons, because I’m like, “PEOPLE ARE RUNNING AT ME!”
[Megatron: The Autobots are here, no doubt skulking in the shadows.]
O: Do you have any room to talk?
C: Ah, yes, the Autobots, known for their skulking.
O: Yes!
[The Decepticon grunts are all killed when some energy blasts come out of nowhere.
Decepticon Grunt: NOOO!
Megatron backs up and begins looking around the room.]
O: Oh god, even our guys sound stupid when they die.
S: Known for their deception.
C: [laughs]
[Breakdown: They’re all around us!]
S: Nevermind our uh, faction name.
[Megatron: Return fire! Destroy anything that moves!]
C: Right.
O: You are being deceived-
[Megatron is destroyed by energy blasts from the invisible enemies, and Owls is kicked out to the Mission Failed screen.]
O: -goddammit. [laughs]
C: [laughs]
S: Bye, Megatron.
O: I am deceiving myself, apparently!
[Owls selects, “Restart From Last Checkpoint,” and the game reloads at the doorway to the second courtyard.
New Objective, Enter the Stellar Galleries, displays briefly on the right side of the screen.]
C: Just shaking off the rust!
O: Uh-huh. I- why- I wish it would have saved me picking shit up though.
[Megatron turns around and smashes the weapon chest behind him to pick up a Scatter Blaster.
Megatron: This shall be the downfall of countless Autobots!
He then runs over to an ammo chest and smashes it to refill his ammo.
Megatron: Argh!]
C: Alright, so they're here for the Omega Key, and they want the Omega Key because…?
[Megatron enters the doorway, walking out into the same courtyard as before.
Soundwave: Megatron -- sensors indicate Autobot energy signatures nearby.
Breakdown: Where? I don’t see anything...]
O: They need the key to get to the center of the planet, so he can put is Space Crack into the planet.
[Megatron: The Autobots are here, no doubt skulking in the shadows.
The 3 Decepticon grunts are killed, a firefight ensues.]
S: I kind of want to say that the Omega Key is supposed to open the Omega Lock and it-
O: Well, it’s held by Omega Supreme, so you’re not wrong.
S: [sighs]
C: Omega Supreme.
S: They really like their Omega naming.
[The party moves forward and begins attacking the invisible enemies.
Breakdown: They’re all around us!
Megatron: Return fire! Destroy anything that moves!]
O: You know, the one that sounds like a burrito!
C: Yeah.
S: [laughs]
C: Sounds like the kind of thing you’d go to a fast food restaurant and order.
S: Except that um, having um, having that order means that you automatically want to murder all the Constructicons.
O: [laughs] Your rage at the Constructicons will be complete!
C: Yeah, so I’d like an- a number 6? An Omega Supreme with a side ord- with a side of killing all the Destructicons.
O: Constructicons, but yes.
C: Constructicons, sorry.
O: What- sorry, with a side of uh, the rage at being betrayed by my Constructicon bros.
S: Yup.
C: So wait, are those the green and purple ones?
O: Yup.
S: Yes.
O: They make Devastator!
S: They are construction equipment.
[Megatron chases around a particularly troublesome enemy that keeps dodging his shoots.]
C: Why does Omega Supreme hate them?
O: Watch our podcast and find out! [laughs]
S: Yeah...
C: I edit your podcast!
O: We haven’t gotten to that episode yet, that’s why I’m making that joke. [laughs]
C: Gotcha.
[The last enemy is taken out, Megatron grabs some additional ammo, and heads down some stairs to where Breakdown and Soundwave are waiting.]
O: But yes, please Specs, feel free to enlighten him, I just had to rib him first. [laughs]
S: It involves um... crimes against architecture.
O: [laughs]
C: Great. [unintelligible]
O: [continues laughing] “Crimes against architecture,” huh?
S: Well, that's roughly what happens. Very roughly.
[The party exits into a circular area that is open to the sky. In the distance an Autobot drop ship crashes. Megatron throws a grenade into the center of the area.
Note: Owls did not mean to throw the grenade.
Breakdown: What are you trying to do!?]
C: Megatron keeps his troops on his toes. “Didn't expect me throw a grenade at your feet, did ya!?”
[Starscream (COM): Megatron -- the Dark Energon is proving every bit as formidable as you predicted! The Autobot armies crumble before it!]
O: [deep voice] On your toes, Breakdown! On your toes!
C: [laughs]
[The party heads through a doorway on their right, and onto a walkway. Megatron grabs a Scatter Blaster from a nearby weapon chest.
Megatron: Excellent, Starscream. Continue engaging them so that I can acquire the Omega Key.
Breakdown: There’s something off about that Starscream guy, Megatron. I don’t trust him.]
C: So wait, that was um, those enemies you were fighting earlier were invisible weren’t they?
O: Yup.
S: Yeah, they turned up in one of the previous areas.
[Megatron: Oh, I trust Starscream about as far as I can blast him… but he shows a rare cunning that I find intriguing.
The party continues up a ramp, once they reach level ground again, Megatron walks over to a gun that is lying on the ground. It is revealed to be a Null Ray (10x Scope) and he picks it up before continuing forward.]
O: THANK YOU!
[Soundwave: Be aware -- snipers at the entrance.
Megatron: Move forward and flank them! Let nothing stand in my way!
Megatron takes cover around the corner and shoots at the snipers with the Null Ray he just acquired.]
S: Though, I'm not sure what they are or what they do based off of in previous uh..
O: I don’t know.
C: They’re all Smokescreens.
O: [laughs] Mirage.
S: They’re more likely be to be Mirage.
O: Are they’re all Mirages?
[The party moves out into another large open area, with a big fountain in the middle and Megatron takes cover behind the fountain, still shooting Autobots.]
C: Mirage, sorry. I don’t know why, I get Mirage and Smokescreen mixed up.
O: Well, I mean, they do similar things but in completely different ways?
S: Yeah.
O: Uh, Mirage keeps people from seeing him by turning invisible. Smokescreen keeps people from seeing things by generating smoke.
S: Yeah.
C: So ones really fancy, and the other one just pollutes the environment, got it.
S: [laughs] More or less.
O: Yeah! Yeah, you know what? I feel like- I-I, you know, I have the feeling Mirage would agree with that statement. Like, a lot. You would probably have made his day by describing it that way. [laughs]
[The last Autobots in the area are defeated. Megatron walks around the fountain passing another gun, before finding an ammo chest and smashing it.]
O: Smash~
[Megatron passes under a large arch directly in front of the fountain, passing by another ammo chest and smashing it.]
O: Why did I do that? That doesn’t get me anything. I like to smash things, that’s what’s going on here.
C: It’s addicting.
[The party continues forward, passing by two large water features and heading up some stairs.]
O: [quietly] Smash, smash, smash, smash, smash, smash, smash, smash.
[Breakdown?: Let’s go, Decepticons!
The party turns a corner and comes across a bridge flanked by a multitude of statues. Autobot snipers are on some platform above the bridge, shooting down at the party.]
S: Breakdown looks so tiny compared to um, to Megatron.
C: Yeah.
[Megatron takes out three Autobots with the sniper rifle in rapid succession.]
C: Those guys didn’t stand a chance.
S: You're very good at the sniper stuff.
O: Eh, it’s easier? [laughs] Cuz I’m not in a firefight. I don’t actually do that well when I uh-
[Autobot reinforcements come out of an entry way behind the platforms and jump down onto the bridge, firing on Megatron and the others.]
O: I wish this sho- thing in the sequel where you could swap arms- um, I don’t very well in the middle of a fight, unfortunately.
[Megatron runs in front of the bridge so he can take cover on the other side and better aim at the enemy, and then takes out the remaining two Autobots.
Megatron: Decepticons cannot be stopped!]
C: Yup, Owls is our sniper.
O: So I just do this. And then, they threw the sniper into the game by herself. [laughs]
C: I'm the one who gets lost, and Specs is the one who runs up and cuts people.
A: [laugh]
O: I’m gonna cut ya.
S: Well, you're not the only one who gets lost Chezni, I do too.
[Megatron grabs some ammo and then walks over to Breakdown and Soundwave, who are standing in front of a locked door.
Soundwave: Megatron, the gate to the Stellar Galleries is locked.
Megatron: I anticipated this. A powerful infusion of Dark Energon will bend the doors to my will!
Megatron uses Dark Energon and destroys the door, allowing them to walk in at their convenience.]
C: That is true. We both get lost.
S: Yeah, the problem I find is just that a lot of, um. Well, a lot of games have to reuse uh, environment assets enough that I have difficulty ident- identifying other areas. Cuz ia lot of it just looks the same to me.
[Upon entering the tunnel, Megatron smashes two nearby Autobots who had been injured by the Dark Energon blast.]
C: Yeah.
O: It all looks the fucking same!
S: Pretty much.
[Megatron briefly enters a room before turning around and exploring the adjacent hallways. He picks up some health from a health chest and returns to the room. There is a large rotating pillar in the center that has multiple sets of lasers at varying heights, and seven spaced out platforms surrounding the center pillar. Three of the platforms have some sort of batteries on them that the quest markers are indicating, 4 are smaller, circular and at a lower level than the ledge the party entered on. Blue energon is visible on the floor.
Autobot Security System: Initiating defense grid.
Soundwave: Megatron -- those batteries feed the security grid.
Megatron: Quickly! Infuse the batteries with Dark Energon!
New Objective, “Disable the security system,” displays briefly on the right side of the screen.]
O: [singing to the tune of the Star Wars theme] Space crack! It’s some space crack! He wants to use some space crack for THINGS!
[Megatron dodges a laserbeam and jumps to the platform on his left, landing on the one right below it that a battery is on.]
C: Megatron- just used his force powers to open that door.
O: Yes.
C: But… why does he not just use his force powers to do everything now?
O: I- he kinda does use for it for a bunch of things?
[By the time Megatron gets to the battery it has already been infected with Dark Energon. Sentry guns pop out of the wall and fire on him and Breakdown.
Breakdown: We gotta turn of these lasers before we all get fried!]
C: Or was he just like, super charged when he first got it and now he’s coming off-
O: I mean, I think he was super charged uh, when he first got it, uh, for sure, but-
S: Yeah, and now he’s-
C: And now he’s just chasing after that.
[Megatron takes aim at the sentry guns around the room, trying to dodge the guns and laser with limited success.]
O: Yeah, he’s chasing after that high- what is shooting at me?
S: That sweet, sweet high.
C: I think you’re shooting yourself.
S: Also-
O: Maybe I am, but I didn’t think I could do that the Fusion Cannon.
C: Oh.
[Breakdown: We gotta turn of these lasers before we all get fried!
Megatron jumps up on a higher platform, and attempts to jump to a higher platform with a battery on it, but aborts and lands back on the platform he jumped from when it doesn’t look like he can make it.]
O: Ugh.
S: I don't know how you're supposed to turn off the lasers.
C: Violence.
O: I know there must be a way, I just don’t remember how.
C: See, Specs, after watching all of um, you know, the- the footage that I’ve edited for the- vid- epi- videos that we were able to play together in. You are amazing good at finding-
[Soundwave: Scans indicate that the batteries power the security grid.
Megatron jumps back up on the platform he entered on and attempts to go around the pillar and jump on another platform but instead just walks off the edge, landing in the energon and dying instantly.]
O: That’s-! I- do- it’s- die! [annoyed gibberish noises]
[The Mission Failed screen displays, Owls selects ‘Restart From Last Checkpoint’, and the game loads at the doorway to the pillar room.
New Objective, Enter the Stellar Galleries, displays briefly on the right side of the screen.]
C: [laughs] You are amazingly good at finding the button you need to push.
[Autobot Security System: Initiating defense grid.
New Objective, “Disable the security system,” displays briefly on the right side of the screen.
Soundwave: Megatron -- those batteries feed the security grid.
Megatron: Quickly! Infuse the batteries with Dark Energon!]
O: Yeah, I'm actually suffering from that right now.
[Megatron jumps over to the battery platform on his left and plants a detpak on it.]
C: I think you- I think Specs nailed like 75% of anything we needed to interact with.
S: I don't know, it's a talent, I guess?
C: [laughs]
[Megatron jumps over to the battery platform across from the entrance and plants a detpak on it as well. He then turns around and bashes a health chest to get health before jumping to the last battery platform, but before he lands, Breakdown runs over and plants a Detpak on the battery and it explodes.]
S: Maybe you're supposed to shoot something? Maybe?
C: I think she just needed to go over and hit the computer.
[The lasers deactivate, and the middle pillar is now covered in Dark Energon and little bits of purple electricity are coming off it and the three battery packs.
Autobot Security System: Security measures deactivated.
Megatron: Soundwave. Damage report.
Soundwave: Scans show minimal damage.]
C: Looks like it’s off now.
O: Yup.
S: Oh, that’s good.
C: So, that’s good.
[New Objective, “Find the Omega Key,” displays briefly on the right side of the screen.
The blue energon on the floor has also disappeared- Megatron jumps down to the floor and the party leaves through a newly opened door.]
O: Yeah, I had to- I had to, you know, put my Space Crack all up in it. That’s what I had to do. Mmm-hm. Mmm-hm. Seems legit.
[The party walks down a hallway that opens up into a long room. Across the room a weapon chest is visible.]
O: And now I literally do not care about any other gun, because I have the two I want.
[Sentry guns on the walls to the left begin firing at the party, who fire back.
Megatron: Now...time for more strategic slaughter!]
C: How do you think Starscream would feel about him using his gun?
O: How do you think he got it?
S: He might find it hot?
O: [laughs] There we go, yeah.
C: [laughs]
[Two Autobots also begin firing on the party, who make quick work of them.]
S: It’s like, obviously this is the hottest thing.
O: I mean the only thing hotter is him using Megatron, right?
S: Yeah.
O: [laughs]
[The Autobots destroyed, Megatron walks around the room, destroying weapon chests and picking up ammo.
Soundwave: Megatron, our data indicates that the Omega Key is located just beyond that door.
Megatron: Excellent! This venture has proven far less taxing than I had anticipated.]
C: Now that would be a fun part of a game, if in multiplayer Megatron could turn into a gun and other people could use him.
[Breakdown: Are you serious? I’m feelin’ pretty taxed, myself.]
O: That would be weird but…
S: That could be... kind of weird-
C: [laughs]
S: Actually, I’m wondering what that sort of…
C: Well, I don’t know it’s just-
S: Like, would other people have the ability to actually shoot you or would you still have control of the shooting?
C: No, I think- I think they would just move and you would shoot.
S: That could be interesting.
O: [laugh] That would be interesting.
S: Like, it might give you a powerup or something?
C: Yeah.
O: I will see that and raise you, imagine trying to have to control a combiner between three people.
C: That would be fun!
S: Oh god, five people.
O: Yeah, no-no-no, I know- I know but- but like, if you could- had to limit it or something so there were only 3 players.
C: Yeah.
O: Um, I just think it sounds funny.
[Megatron walks over to a large doorway where Breakdown and Soundwave are standing and destroys the door with Dark Energon. The party walks forward into a large room centered around a floating sphere (presumably a model of Cybertron), with smaller circular bodies orbiting it. To the left and right there are staircases that wind their way up the wall.
Soundwave: The Autobots maintain these rooms for tranquil contemplation.]
S: Honestly, it's reminds me of that game like um, QWOP, I think?
C: Yeah.
[Breakdown: Tranquil contemplation? What does that even mean?]
S: Basically where you have to control each of the limbs with uh, um…
C: Q, W, O, P.
[Megatron: It means the Autobots laze about and whine over their own inadequacies. Ugh… what a waste of time and resources. Decepticons! Find the Omega Key!]
S: Yeah, or there's a similar game where you have to control a horse.
O: [snorts]
S: Or a unicorn and often it just flops.
C: Yeah, you’re lucky if you can do anything with it.
[Megatron jumps on a nearby platform and begins shooting some of the small spheres orbiting the model.]
O: Apparently Megaton is, in fact, petty enough to shoot these things.
C: Yeah, what- what- is that-
O: He's like, “They're all wimps! They have a meditation room, how dare they have that!”
C: Ah!
[Megatron begins running up the staircase on his left.]
S: Oh, I was under the impression that they were like, ads.
C: He-
O: [laughs]
[Megatron jumps off the stairs and roams around the first floor of the room some more looking for any missed items. Not finding anything else, he looks up and continues shooting spheres as he walks back over to the stairs.]
C: “Megatron hates ads!”
S: Or at least that’s what I was thinking.
O: [continues laughing]
C: “Oil change at Sparky’s? I’ll show you oil change!”
O: [continues laughing] Goddammit.
C: “This is for interrupting my SpaceTube episode!”
O: “It was from SPACE!” [laughs] I do love that idea, I love the idea of it being uh, of- those being like, pop up ads, that’s way funnier.
[Megatron walks back up the stairs arriving on a platform with Breakdown and Soundwave. To the right is a console.
Megatron: Behold, Decepticons! The Omega Key!]
C: Yeah, Specs, that’s amazing.
S: I mean, honestly- [laughs] You're welcome, it's just, Cybertron seems like the sort of place where you would have pop-up ads everywhere.
O: Yeah!
C: [laughs]
O: Also, apparently the Omega Key was just here, in this room.
C: What? In the room with all the space pop-ups?!
S: [laughs]
O: Yes.
C: They didn’t even know they’d come-
S: Well, but maybe they’re representations of the moons? In which case, it looks like there's an awful lot of Cybertronian moons.
[Megatron walks over to the console and activates it. The reddish-orange forcefield around a small floating orb in front of the console drops, and the sphere opens, revealing nothing inside but the indent of where a key should be.
Breakdown: Wow. That is one empty container.]
O: [snorts] Thanks, Breakdown.
[A hologram of Zeta Prime appears above the empty key container. The camera pans around behind him as he points at Megatron.
Zeta Prime: Megatron, I’m warning you right now. You are toying with forces beyond your understanding or control.]
O: What is it with Primes and their chins?
[Megatron: Ah, Zeta Prime. I see you’re still afraid to face me in person.]
C: I was thinking the same thing.
S: Maybe they based it off of, um, Animated? Cuz that was one chin-tastic animation.
[Zeta Prime: Ha! Predictable as ever, right down to the empty words. The Omega Key is under MY protection now, Megatron.]
O: Yeah, Animated is just chin-tastic all the way through, let’s be honest.
S: Yeah.
O: But Sentinel had like, the chinny- the most chin-tastic chin out of all of the chins. [laughs]
S: The chinniest chin chin chin.
C & O: [laugh]
[Megatron: That is hardly a deterrent. I will enjoy taking the Omega Key from your lifeless hands.]
O: Oh, you have it, so I just have to kill you to get it, cool. [laughs]
[A variety of Autobot enemies appear and a fight ensues.
New Objective, “Defeat Autobot ambushers,” displays briefly on the right side of the screen.]
C: [laughs] “Right, wait- that's not what you're supposed to think!”
S: Oh no-
O: “You’re supposed to be like, Oh no, that sounds difficult!”
S: And Megatron's just like, “Oh, you're challenging me?”
O: “-BIIITCH!”
S: Congratulations! You’re dead!
C: What a terrible case of me murdering you, you seem to have come down with.
O & S: [laugh]
[Megatron: [laughs] For glory!
Megatron is on the stairway, shooting the various Autobots with the Null Ray, and taking them down in rapid succession.]
O: Oh yes, please just- just stand there let me shoot you, that- that's my favorite thing, yes.
C: Man, Owls makes this look easy.
S: Yeah.
[To the left of the screen some Autobots begin to fire on Megatron who runs behind a pillar to continue shooting.]
O: Ah!
C: I remember these doggone flying guys in the first chapter and I had no idea what to do.
S: Yeah... Actually, now I'm wondering what like, Megatron's preferred scent would be or if Cybertronians even have like, fragrance preferences?
O: [deep voice] “Ah, yes, the scent of motor oil-”
C: A couple of them reference their ‘olfactory sensors’ so they must have some kind of scent.
O: Yeah, they- they clearly can smell but that’s like- yeah, what scents do they like? I mean, like, humans seem to like flowers, or the smell of rain, what do Cybertronians like?
C: Crop rust!
S: I mean, honestly, would rust smell like the beach to them considering the Sea of Rust?
O: I- considering rust is usually seen as a bad thing, I’m gonna say it wouldn’t have the same connotations.
S: Mmm.
[Megatron shoots an Aerialbot, and the Aerialbot goes flying in a different direction than the momentum of the shot before exploding.]
O: Pfft, that was a weird direction to take that, but okay.
S: Yeah, I mean-
C: So, the Sea of Rust is actually like, a beach of rust?
[Megatron heads down the stairs to his left, before jumping off and landing on the bottom floor. He is low on ammo, completely out of Fusion Cannon shots, and has 11 Null Ray shots left.]
S: Maybe not? The problem is I'm not entirely sure if it's considered like a wasteland or…
O: A destination, as it were.
S: Yeah.
C: [chuckles] Like a destination in your mind?
O: Well, I mean like, a vacation destination kind of thing.
C: Oh, oh.
S: Yeah.
O: I-I yeah, I really don’t know-
[Soundwave: Autobots, incoming!
A door in front of Megatron explodes, revealing 2 of the large Autobots carrying machine guns from the first level.]
O: Oh fuck- NO. NO. YOU.
C: Wha-
O: YOU!
[Megatron takes cover behind a pillar and shoots at the Autobots.]
S: You need to reload.
C: Are those guys bad?
O: We died against them so many times in the first chapter!
C: Oh! Right, right, right.
[Megatron transforms and drives up the stairs in tank mode.
Megatron: I shall lead the way!]
O: That's great, but we're gonna do it from higher ground, buddy.
[Megatron goes up the stairs before transforming back to robot mode. He takes cover behind a pillar, shooting at the large Autobots down below, taking out one of them.]
S: I mean, maybe different metals have different scents?
O: Or minerals?
[Megatron runs out of ammo in his two guns. Transforming he goes back down the stairs and takes aim at the last remaining Autobot in while in vehicle mode. He shoots once, hitting an explosive barrel near the Autobot and killing him.]
S: Yeah, I don't know, maybe the Autobots would find more organic notes more interesting because they'd have- it would be exotic and they're more used to those. Whereas Decepticons might be- might prefer um, more metallic scents. I don’t know.
C: I would say Tungsten would be-
S: [laughs]
[Megatron: Soundwave, trace Zeta Prime’s broadcast signal.
Soundwave: Commencing scan… Complete. Its origin is 12.7 cycles ahead.
Megatron runs over to the maintenance door Soundwave and Breakdown are standing by.]
O: Wow- wow, he wasn't even trying to hide himself if Soundwave could do it that quickly!
S: Yeah.
[Soundwave: Scans reveal poor structural integrity surrounding this maintenance access door.
Megatron: You heard him! Blast the wall!
New Objective, “Proceed to the lower city,” displays briefly on the right side of the screen.]
O: Smash it, you say? [laughs]
[Megatron smashes the door and runs through.]
S: Oh~
[Megatron walks over to an ammo chest and smashes it.]
O: Oh, thank fuck.
[Soundwave: Megatron -- the city subsystems provide a direct line to the broadcat’s origin.
The group enters a dark tunnel with a vaguely green tint. Up ahead, on the right, there is another maintenance door. This door is held in place by locks, which Megatron destroys before knocking the door down.]
C: Alright, alright, so, we're in greenlight mode now.
O: [quietly] There we go...
S: Yeah, and I don't much like it because… meh.
C: Megatron, meanwhile-
[The other side of the maintenance door reveals a large pillar with slowly blades spinning on multiple levels. The room goes down quite a ways, with several sets of blades below the party and blue energon below that.]
O: Oh, look! More things that want to kill us!
C: -demonstrates that he, uh, doesn’t properly know how to open doors.
[Megatron: Descend here. And have a care -- one wrong step, and you’re scrap metal.
Megatron jumps off his current level, landing on the next set of blades below.]
O: Well, he was born in a mine, why would he use doors?
C: [laughs]
[Megatron jumps down another level, and waits as the blade slowly moves towards a maintenance door on the opposite wall.
Breakdown: Uh… not that I’m arguing or anything, but -- why don’t we just go back to the dropship and hitch a ride?
Megatron: This is the shortest distance to travel, Breakdown.]
O: [laughs]
S: Okay, who would design this like this?
C: [laughs]
S: Like, seriously, that’s a door!
[Megatron shoots the maintenance door and jumps through, landing in another dimly lit hallway.]
C & O: [laugh]
O: It- maybe it was a maintenance door or something? I don’t know. [laughs]
S: Maybe…
[The party walks up a stairwell at the end of the hallway, which leads up to a closed door.]
C: Oh, the- the coffee room?
O: [laughs]
C: It’s down- it’s down the pillar of evil fan death. Death fan.
O: [continues laughing] You can either take the stairs or you can brave the f- fans of death, but if you miss them you will die. How much do you want your coffee?
[The door opens and party continues through and up another set of stairs before running into an Autobot using a console on the wall. A fight ensues.
Autobot: Decepticon intruders! They’re inside the city!]
S: It's too exciting, I’ll do without coffee.
C: [laughs]
[Megatron: Into the tunnel, Decepticons. And try not to get crushed by the trains.
Megatron takes out the Autobot and the party walks out onto a platform inside of a much larger tunnel.]
S: Oh, trains? Is this their mass transit system?
[Breakdown: You’re joking, right?
Megatron: Yes, Breakdown -- I am famous for my sparkling sense of humor. Now GET MOVING, before I dismantle you myself!]
O: [laughs] “I’m known for my sparkling sense of humor.”
S: Oh, it’s mass transit system time…
C: [laughs]
S: ...with mines.
[The large tunnel is indeed revealed to be some kind of mass transit system. In front of the party the tunnel descends deeper underground. A train running on the ceiling passes by overhead. Rolling spherical mines are scattered throughout the floor of the tunnel. Megatron transforms and begins heading down the tunnel. Soundwave and Breakdown manage to stay ahead of him.]
C: It's a pity Megatron is a tank, while everyone else is a travelling vehicle.
O: Right? Like, they’re so much faster than me and I don't just think it's because they’re computer AI’s.
[The party continues down the tunnel, which is also, for not explainable reason, littered with ramps.
Breakdown: Whoa! Watch out!
More trains pass overhead, the party enters a party of the tunnel with transparent walls. Other trains are seen running in the distance, along with a lot of exposed piping.]
S: I'm honestly sort of amused that Soundwave is faster.
O: I mean… it- he is a vehicle in this one.
[There are also a few sets of pillars with laser sensors running between them. Megatron jumps off a ramp and manages to hit one, causing some guns to pop out of the wall and shoot at him with missiles.]
S: I know, but considering that his most well known iterations aren’t vehicles, it's just- I always just find it really funny.
C: It’s like that scene in Beast Wars, “For the Predacon Alliance!”
O: [laughs]
C: Turns into a tape deck.
O: Oh, Ravage, I love you.
[The party continues onwards, until their tunnel meets up with another one. Ahead of them a train moves across from right to left and two trains go past them on the ceiling. Megatron turns on the new tracks, following Breakdown and Soundwave who are still ahead of him.]
O: Oh dear, I remember this. I died.
C: [laughs]
[Megatron: Onward! Through that door!
A smaller tunnel branches off the main one to the left. Megatron transforms into robot mode and looks around, nearly getting hit by a train from behind before entering the dark tunnel.]
C: That’s some really good advice, don't get hit by a train.
O: Right? I'm like, Megatron did not listen to his own advice the first time I played through this level, I don't think! [laughs]
S: And we're back to the green.
O: Yeahhhhh, Cybertron’s a dark, dark place, Specs.
S: Ehhhh…
C: [laughs]
[Megatron heads left at a fork in the tunnel, and walks over and picks up some ammo.
Megatron: A brilliant addition to my efforts!]
O: Megatron, I- do you say that every time you pick up ammo? And like, I don't mean out loud. I mean to yourself. [laughs]
S: He very well could.
[To the right a doorway can be seen on other side of the room through a hole in the wall. Megatron heads back the way he came, heading down the right fork and smashing a weapon’s chest on his way.]
O: [quietly] I don’t know why I’m hitting this-
S: He likes to talk to himself.
O: He just likes to talk. [laughs]
C: [laughs]
[Megatron continues down the hallway, coming to door he’d seen through the wall.
Breakdown: It’s no use, Megatron! The door’s locked!
Megatron: A simple solution, then. Break the locks!
Megatron tries to shoot the door and hit it with his melee attack, but neither do anything. He attempts to aim at the red targets, but nothing happens and he heads back up the hallway to the hole the door was visible through before.]
O: We’ve got to go around.
C: I was gonna say, I was like, “What?”
S: You have to shoot through something?
O: Yeah, but I- I think I have to go over here and shoot something. Yeah.
C: Oh, of course you have to go to the other side of the door to open the locks on the door.
[Megatron shoots the locks through the hole, destroying them and the door.]
C: Why don't you just climb through there [the hole]?!
[Megatron: Blow open that door!]
O: [deep voice] “We're not savages!”
S: I mean…
O: [laughs]
[Megatron transforms and drives back over to the doorway, jumping down into the room below where Breakdown and Soundwave are waiting.]
S: We’ve got to be polite, got to knock first and then we open- then we go through.
O: Megatron’s idea of knocking is two Fusion Cannon blasts, through the door! I mean, don’t you know anything? [laughs]
[Megatron: Move to that exit! NOW!]
C: You do not want the third.
O & S: [laugh]
[Breakdown: Uh, Megatron...]
O: The third goes into your head.
[Soundwave: Autobot cloakers, present.
Megatron: Quickly! Infuse the batteries with Dark Energon!
Invisible enemies begin firing on the party.]
S: Yeah…
O: Seems legit.
[Quest icons appear over three consoles in the room. Megatron fires back at the Autobots firing at the party.]
S: Oh, I think- yeah, it looks like you need to um…
C: Shoot everything!
O: Uh, when don’t I?
C: [laughs]
[Megatron continues to shoot at enemies.]
S: I mean, did you activate the... thing [console]?
O: No, because I'm trying to kill the things that are shooting at me!
S: Good point.
[A cloaker uncloaks on top of a nearby platform. Megatron fires off several shots, missing, but the cloaker continues to stand out in the open.]
C: That guys really content to just stand there.
S: Yeah.
[Megatron finally kills the cloaker and then runs over to one of the indicated consoles, planting a detpak on it.]
C: We believe in you, Owls.
S: Yeah.
O: Thank you, I’m not sure if I believe in me.
[A health chest is visible in the distance, across an area enemies are currently firing on.]
O: I want that health over there though! [laughs]
C: Classic shooter dilema.
[Megatron continues to fire, ducking in and out of cover. Soundwave walks over and begins healing him.]
O: Oh, Soundwave, you're a beautiful bastard!
S: He is earning his keep today.
[Megatron: Hurry! Destroy the batteries!]
O: Soundwave always earns his keep in my opinion. Soundwave could be having an off day, and he’d still be more useful than half the Cons.
S: Oh, yeah.
[The party takes out several enemies clustered around one of the consoles, before Megatron runs over and plants a Detpak on it.]
S: But in this iteration he doesn't have, um, offensive features, or combat features.
O: I know you meant ‘off-fen-sive’ but my brain totally just heard he- he’s ‘o-ffen-sive’ somehow. As in like, bad.
[The last of the cloakers are destroyed.
Megatron: Excellent work, Soundwave. Now unlock the exit door.]
C: No, that’s clearly uh, the Soundwave from Animated.
S: [laughs]
O: He was fine!
C: [laughs]
O: He was fine!
C: He had the most catchy, annoying theme-
O: Like, no, I didn’t like him as much as other Soundwaves, but I liked him anyway.
[Megatron walks around the room, looking for any items and then heads over to the health chest and retrieves the health. He then walks over to a console and activates it, opening a door in front of the group.
Megatron: MOVE, Decepticons! Double-time!]
C: He was pretty funky fresh.
S: Yeah.
O: [laughs] Goddammit.
[Megatron transforms into vehicle mode and drives down a stairway, arriving at a platform in the same (or similar to) the large tunnel from before. He grabs some nearby ammo.
Breakdown: Hey Soundwave, you wanna race?
Soundwave: Negative.]
C: Alright, so Megatron-
S: So is it time for trains- sorry.
C: Oh no, go ahead.
S: Is it time for trains again?
C: It might be.
[Megatron transforms into vehicle mode and follows Soundwave and Breakdown into the descending tunnel. The features from the last tunnel go around are still present, there are spherical rolling mines, ramps, movement sensors, and trains passing over head.]
C: Oh, no just mines of death.
O: Ah, I mean those- those were there in the last go around too.
S: Yeah, more trains!
C: [laughs]
S: The Cybertronian um, transit system is…
[Large flashing red warnings appear on the right and left just before a train passes in front of Megatron. He uses a ramp, jumping over the moving train.]
O: What does that mean? That doesn’t-
C: Whose idea do you think it was to put all these ramps down here?
[Megatron: Don’t get hit by the train, you fool!]
O: [snorts] Megatron! We are far more likely to get hit by a train than either of your subordinates because I’m the one in the driv- the one behind the steering wheel!
[Megatron hits a mine before taking another ramp to avoid the next train.]
O: Um, obviously they’re for maintenance bots, honey.
[The tunnel ahead ends abruptly with a crashed train in the center. The party diverts from the tracks to a smaller ramp on the right.
Megatron: There -- that station. From there we can infiltrate the lower levels of Iacon.]
O: Well, they're obviously for getting over those trains that are perpendicular to you.
C: [laughs]
[Breakdown: What -- that’s it? I was kind of having fun. In a high speed, suicidal kind of way.]
C: They were probably like, “Well, we could dig safety maintenance tunnels, you know, to go under the trains,” and they were like, “No, you fool! Ramps! Ramps are the way to go!”
O: RAMPS! [laughs]
[The party heads up some stairs, exiting to an open air area. Bridges, buildings, and various pipes all loom overhead. In front of them are two sets of train tracks.
Soundwave: Megatron --Omega Key detected. We should proceed through the logistics station.]
S: They’re much sexier.
[Megatron: Excellent! The Omega Key awaits!]
O: [laughs]
C: It'll be awesome! We’ll get all the- all the Cybertronian chicks, all two of them!
O & S: [laugh]
[A train passes in front of the party on the tracks nearest to them.
Soundwave: Megatron -- sensors indicate approaching Autobot energy signatures.
New Objective, “Pass through the lower city,” displays briefly on the right side of the screen.]
S: Get all the hot jets.
C: [laughs]
Megatron: Decepticons -- ready your weaponry for battle!]
O: Yeah, yeah, yeah, the- the jets are the ones they’re trying to uh, allure, my dear.
C: Oh, okay.
[A bunch of Autobots pop out of hiding and begin firing at the party, who fire back. More trains sporadically pass by on the two tracks.]
S: I wonder how many of the trains might actually be other transformers who are like, so done with the firefight in their workplace.
O: [laughs]
C: That’s a good point!
[The first wave of Autobots are destroyed and another group, this time with energon shields fall jump down from above.]
O: I mean, to be fair, we only know of like- the only time we’ve every really seen train Transformers was uh, in uh-
C: Astrotrain?
[Megatron takes cover behind a box and begins sniping the Autobots. More trains cross by in front of him.]
O: Well-
S: Well, yes, there's Astrotrain and then there's the three of them from Car Robots in the original RID.
[Note: Transformers: Robots in Disguise, 2001, was called Transformers: Car Robots in Japan. We frequently use the Japanese name to get across what we’re saying quicker because in the US there’s not less than three goddamn things using the title ‘Robots in Disguise’.]
O: Yeah, I mostly meant like, working train ro- like, robots that worked as trains.
C: Oh.
S: Which is-
O: Is what I’m trying to get across there.
S: Which is the three from um, Car Robots.
O: Yeah.
S: Cuz they like, abandon- at least one of them abandons like, a group of passengers in a tunnel to go in fight ah, Decepticons or Predacons.
C: Oh wow.
S: You know, I kind of want to see what would happen if an Autobot who was shielded was just in there when a train comes through.
C: [laughs]
O: Right? [laughs]
C: Maybe we’ll get lucky, I keep waiting for it.
O: And that’s how I died, by being crushed!
[Megatron suddenly dies and the game briefly goes to the ‘Mission Failed’ screen before the game loads back at the stairway leading up to the outdoor station.]
O: Oh! Okay…
C: Whoa, what happened?
O: I don't know, somebody hit me.
[New Objective, “Pass through the lower city,” displays briefly on the right side of the screen.]
C: From our perspective uh, I’d say it looked like you were winning.
S: Yeah.
O: [quietly] To a certain degree of winning. [normal volume] All right, come out, come out wherever you are, so I can shoot you.
[Megatron walks forward just enough to get the Autobots to come out of hiding before taking cover behind another box.]
S: It’s train time. Unfortunately, you- we can't get in the trains. Oh.
[Megatron snipes enemies.
Megatron: All shall fall before Megatron!]
O: Uh-huh, uh-huh, that’s nice, buddy.
C: [laughs]
S: His ego requires it.
[Megatron: Only fools stand against Megatron!]
O: Look, I’m just saying, riding shotgun with this character just involves me being like, “Uh-huh, uh-huh, that’s nice.”
[The second wave of Autobots jump down after the first wave of Autobots are dispatched.]
C: Oh, you can’t see [your] health when you’re in the zoomed in mode. [When using the sniper rifle scope.]
S: Yeah.
C: That might have been what confused us.
S: Maybe. Or maybe your character, maybe Megatron just ended up on the tracks?
O: I don’t think so, I was back behind the box.
[The last of the second wave are destroyed, when a third wave of Autobots run down stairs on the other side of the station.]
O: Goddammit, how many of there are you!?
S: Uh… a lot?
O: A lot, yeah!
[Megatron continues sniping.]
C: A lot of Autobots were really unhappy with their life and wanted a quick death.
O: And I’m providing it for them, got it. [laughs] Megatron’s providing a service.
[Megatron moves closer to the last Autobot killing him and clearing the room. The Autobot cries out rather loudly when he’s shot.]
O: [imitating the Autobot] Blaaargh! Blah, I say!
[Megatron walks around picking up ammo and other enemy drops before heading over the train tracks towards the other stairway.]
O: [sighs] Oh, jesus. Alright.
C: I remember being a kid and playing games and like, things like running across the railroad tracks always freaked me out.
O: Were you afraid of the trains squishing you?
C: I don’t know why.
S: I mean… trains are dangerous.
[Megatron runs up the steps into a tunnel, and heads to his left. Ahead of him the wall explodes and a sparking cylindrical object is sticking out of a newly created hole.
Breakdown: Take cover!
Megatron: Steady yourself, coward. I marked this area for Dark Energon bombers.
Breakdown: Are you insane?!? I mean… yes, brilliant, Megatron!
The party heads to the left, an open area that is currently the grounds of a large firefight is visible in the distance.]
O: [laughs] That- that inflection was- was amazing. Thank you, thank you Knockout.
S: Breakdown?
O: Breakdown, yeah, sorry. I blame Chezni, he was talking about Knockout earlier!
C: Yup, it’s my fault.
O: ~Always!
[Megatron stops and snipes some of the visible enemies ahead, before the area’s bombed with Dark Energon.]
O: I don’t know why I’m wasting my ammo when they're just going to get bombed with Dark Energon. Meagtron, should- should I ask how you got this much Dark- I- I know we- I know supplied you with Dark Energon, but you had- you had enough to make Energon- Dark Energon bombers? Really?!
[The party continues on, fallen Autobots litter the ground and the way forward is blocked by a pile of rubble.
Megatron: Perfect! Soon Iacon will be no more than a thick layer of rubble!
Breakdown: The wreckage is in our way, Megatron.]
S: I don’t know, maybe it's-
[Soundwave: Megatron -- the debris scans as stable enough to support our weight.
Megatron jumps on the debris before jumping up into another tunnel.]
S: Maybe it turns into exponential growth at some point? That would make it easier…
O: Nah, he just wants an easy supply of Space Crack. Definitely that.
S: Yeah...
[Breakdown: Hey! There’s Autobots unloading off the train!
Megatron: Leave no Autobot alive!
The party exits into another large room. They are standing on a platform, below there are some stopped trains and several Autobots. The party begins firing on them.
Megatron: Fall before Megatron!]
O: I don’t know why you felt the need to say that Megs, we never leave any Autobots alive.
[Breakdown: Okay, what needs doing?]
S: He just wants to you-
C: He won’t let us-
S: [laughs] Sorry.
C: Oh no, I just gonna say, you won't let us open the doors until we kill them all.
S: Yeah…
O: For some reason! (Soundwave being incredibly petty.)
[Megatron attempts to shoot a distant Autobot, but the Autobot isn’t getting hit despite Megatron being on target. The camera pulls out as he reloads, and it’s apparent the shots have clipped into a nearby wall instead. He backs up and shoots the Autobot, finally destroying them.
O: I was like, “Why isn’t that working?
[Megatron: Blast those Aerialbots!
Aerialbots fly in from above.]
O: Oh, goody.
C: Yeah, the odd clipping on the box.
S: It’s the Aerialbots again. I don't think they're a combiner in this one or maybe not, maybe they are, I don't know.
O: No, these are- that's just what they call any flying Autobots I’ve noticed.
S: Oh, that’s...
O: I know, not confusing at all, but…
S: Yeah, not a fan.
[The Aerialbots fly over the party dropping bombs as the party attempts to fire back.]
C: So wait, what did they call them in this one?
O: Well, they're just called Aerialbots because they can fly.
[The last Autobot is destroyed, and the party jumps down from their platform.
Soundwave: Megatron -- I have detected the Omega Key. It lies beyond the train tunnel.
Megatron: Move out, Decepticons!
Megatron smashes some item chests, grabbing a nearby shield.]
S: It's just a generic term for flying Autobot instead of what it was in the cart- the G1 cartoon was- well, and in the comics- they were a combiner team who combined into uh… well.
O: Superion?
S: Yep.
C: Oh, and they were specifically called the Aerialbots?
O: Yeah.
S: Yes.
C: Gotcha.
S: Because they were planes.
O: And because so few of the- the Autobots really flew too, that was kind of distinct.
S: Yup.
[Megatron runs up some ramps and does some light platforming to reach Soundwave and Breakdown who are standing off to the left of some train tracks. He then transforms and follows the tracks into a tunnel. Ahead of him several red notices pop up in an alien text and he drives into a little area off the tracks to his left, returning to bot mode. A train passes by on the tracks.
Megatron: Stay on the tracks -- if you want to get smashed to pieces!]
O: I feel like he’s having way to much fun with that…
S: I think he is too.
[Megatron transforms back into tank mode and drives up to another small area off the main tracks, this time on the right side of the tunnel. He transforms back to bot mode.
Soundwave: Scans reveal poor structural integrity surrounding this maintenance access door.
Megatron smashes the maintenance door in the floor with his mace and falls to the floor below when it breaks.
New Objective, “Approach the Iacon Vaults,” displays briefly on the right side of the screen.
(COM) Brawl: Starscream! This is Brawl! We’re pinned down outside Zeta Prime’s vaults! We need air support!]
O: Hey, there’s Brawl!
[Megatron: Excellent! Brawl is already near the Omega Key!
Megatron walks forward and activate a console that is directly in front of him that opens a door on his right. The party heads out the door and up some stairs, when they near the top something smashes through the ceiling in the room ahead, followed by an explosion.]
O: Yeah, that looks healthy.
C: Now they’re going to have to patch the roof.
O: I mean, Megatron I think, just wants to you know, start from ground zero I-I don't think- I don’t think- I think he just wants to redecorate by rebuilding, to be honest.
C: Big skylight.
S: Yeah.
[The party runs reaches the top, taking a left up a smaller flight of stairs, and Megatron shots an Autobot ahead that has his back to them. The party then runs over to a large window. There is a firefight going on outside, and the party fires on the Autobots.
Megatron: Autobots fall so easily!]
S: He takes a decidedly ballistic approach to redecoration.
O: [laughs] Yes!
C: That's well phrased.
O: Megatron doesn’t know the meaning of redecorating, he’s just going to renovate.
S: Yup.
[The party follows the walkway to their left, taking out another Autobot.
Breakdown: Look! They’ve got Brawl outnumbered down there!]
C: What on Earth…?
[In an in-game cinematic it cuts to the floor of the area outside the windows from where the party is. Six Autobots all pile on top of an enemy, before revealing they were attacking Brawl as he throws them all off at once.]
C: “They're eating him! Then they're gonna eat me! OH MY GOD!”
A: [laugh]
O: I think that’s Brawl just doin’- doin’ his thing- doin’ his thing down there.
S: Yeah.
C: Right, right, got it.
[The continue to follow the walkway, leading more into the interior of whatever building/structure they are in and run into one of the large Autobots with shields.]
C: That guy's got a big shield because he's just saying, “Please shoot me in the back!”
O: Right? Not, you know, “I'm gonna put some extra shielding on my back!,” it’s gotta all be on the front.
[The Autobot is primarily focused on Soundwave as Megatron is going back and forth attempting to shoot the Autobot in his weak point on his back.]
O: Will you explode already?
C: He's trying.
[Megatron gets a few more shoots into the Autobot who finally explodes.]
O: [laughs] Well, tell him to try faster!
S: [laughs] Try harder to explode.
[Continuing ahead the party encounters two Autobots with the glowy barriers that are taken out relatively quickly.]
O: [nasally voice] Tell them to explode faster, Chezni!
C: All right, but I don't think he’ll listen.
O: [laughs] Does anyone ever listen in this [game]?
[Megatron grabs some ammo, and heads towards the next room. A wall explodes in front of the party and a glowy barrier Autobot on the other side begins throwing grenades at them.]
C: Umm... Soundwave- er, not Soundwave, Starscream.
S: [snickers]
O: I don’t think Starscream listens either.
C: He uh, did in that first episode with- when he had his tail between his legs.
[Another glowy Autobot joins the first and Megatron backs up swapping to his Null Ray and taking one of them out.
Megatron: All shall fall before Megatron!]
C: “What's that, Lord Megatron?” “Yes, of course, Lord Megatron!”
O: [laughs]
C: “Let me go off and get you that Dark Energon right no- right away, Lord Megatron!”
S: He was very intent on that booty call.
[The other Autobot is shortly dispatched and the party continues ahead. They come out to a room with a large hole in the wall ahead of them. An Autobot is standing on the edge with his back to them, but is quickly dispatched.]
O: Yeah, he was- he was turned on, also who the fuck is banging out there!?
C: It’s Cream, er, our cat.
O: I- I thought it was coming from the wall!
C: No.
O: Either that or we’ve got multiple banging going on here, but Cream is very insistent to be out here. [laughs]
[The party takes up the position vacated by the Autobot and Megatron begins sniping all the visible Autobots.]
O: Cream is not out here, cuz otherwise you would be hearing her over the mic giving me headbutts.
S: [laughs]
[Breakdown: Snipers! Across the street!]
O: This isn’t an exaggeration, she just does that. And I love it- it's adorable just not when I'm on a headset, like when I'm at work!
[Megatron: None can resist us!
The snipers across the street are hastily dealt with and Megatron runs over to the edge of the platform he and Soundwave are still on.]
O: Is that it? You guys were making a big deal about snipers, is that all the snipers there were?
C: “Oh no, there’s snipers!”
O: Oh no?
S: Well, I mean there’s still s- that dude.
[Megatron looks down and snipes the one lone Autobot visible below.]
C: [laughs]
[He shoots another Autobot.]
O: It’s like shooting fish in a barrel, literally! [laughs]
S: You're in a very good spot for that.
[Soundwave: Megatron -- the area is now clear.
Megatron: Let us speak with Brawl, then. I want to hear how my war is going.]
O: [snorts] Pharsing? [laughs] Okay.
[Megatron jumps down and checks the nearby nooks and crannies for items, picking up a shield in the process.
(COM) Brawl: Waiting for your orders, Megatron...]
O: Hey Brawl, how’s the explosions?
[Megatron runs over to a Decepticon standing on a platform in the middle the area.]
O: Are you Brawl? No you’re not. Where is Brawl?
[Megatron turns to his left and heads towards where the quest marker is indicating.]
O: Probably where the blue arrow is indicating, huh? [laughs]
C: “I am generic cep- Decepticon 75.”
O: [coughs and then laughs] “I am honored you thought I was Brawl, however!”
[Megatron smashes an ammo chest and walks over to the stairs Brawl is standing on.
Brawl: Lord Megatron!
Megatron: Report, Brawl.
Brawl: The Autobots are dug in and our precious air commander won’t provide support!]
O: [snorts]
[Megatron: Enough excuses! Where is Zeta Prime?]
O: [laughs] Color me surprised! Shocked even!
[Brawl: He’s just beyond those doors, Lord Megatron!
Megatron: Witness the power of Dark Energon!
Megatron walks over to some large stairs on his left and uses Dark Energon when prompted.]
C: So, is it only through the power of Dark Energon that they've been able to just do all this and kind of… hack Cybertron?
O: I think? Maybe?
[Nothing happens.
Megatron: Impossible!
A large hologram of Zeta Prime materializes in front of the door.
Zeta Prime: It will take more than a speck of Dark Energon to breach the armor of our Vaults.]
C: OHHHHHH!
O: [laughs]
[Zeta Prime: Surrender now, Megatron and I will consider sparing your life.]
C: OHHHHHH!
[Megatron: You dare threaten me!?! ME?!?
Megatron shoots at hologram, ineffectively.]
C & O: [laugh]
[Zeta Prime: So be it, Megatron. I leave you to your own… futility.]
S: You know, his helmet is surprisingly Galvatron shaped.
O: Yeah, the irony is kinda funny.
[Breakdown: Oh great -- here we go…]
O: Alright.
[Megatron: [yelling] Brawl, call in the Dark Energon bombers!]
C: Oh, Megatron’s mad.
O: PISSED.
[Brawl: But Megatron, there’s too much firepower -
Megatron: DO AS I HAVE ORDERED, BRAWL!
Brawl: Yes, Megatron. Bombers, target these coordinates! Everyone else -- CLEAR THE STREET!]
O: “Yes, Lord Megatron. Right away, Lord Megatron. Please don't take off my head, Lord Megatron.”
[Megatron transforms and drives into an area where the Decepticons are sheltering from the bombers, he passes by several Decepticon grunts as he heads towards some stairs.
Sensible Decepticon: Look! It’s Megatron!
Decepticon With A Death Wish: About time. Why’d he show up so late?
Sensible Decepticon: Shut UP! You trying to get us both killed?]
C: I assume the guy on the projector was Omega Supreme?
O: No, no-no-no-no. That was-
S: Sentinel Prime?
O: -Sentinel Prime.
[Note: Despite his name literally being on the screen less then a minute ago, we’re both wrong, it’s Zeta Prime.]
C: I see.
[In-game cinematic: Two Decepticon bombers drop into frame flying over the area the party just vacated.
Brawl: Bombers inbound!]
O: Omega Supreme is HUGE. Like, he is, I think, the final boss for the Decepticon campaign, and he’s HUGE.
C: Oh! He’s the one that turns into the- the base.
O & S: Yeah.
C: Okay, I’m sorry.
[The bombers are quickly shoot by anti-aircraft guns and go down, crashing into buildings. The camera returns to Megatron. One of the downed ships is burning right in front of him.
Breakdown: Well, THAT was a complete disaster.]
Megatron: Silence! Obviously our bombers are incompetent!]
O: [laughs]
S: Yeah, I think in the Autobot campaign it's Trypticon, that's the final boss, maybe?
O: Yeah, yeah, it’s Trypticon.
[Brawl: Lord Megatron -- if I may make a suggestions? Disabling the anti-aircraft guns would open the way for our air support...
Megatron: An excellent though, Brawl. Carry it out.
New Objective, “Disable the anti-aircraft guns,” displays briefly on the right side of the screen.]
C: Wait. They called for air support and the plane flew into the wall?
[Megatron heads to his left, stopping on the edge of a drop off. The Autobots and Decepticons are in a fire fight.
Brawl: Decepticons! Take those guns!]
O: Ehh, the- the anti-aircraft guns took it out.
C: Oh.
O: So they’re like, “Take out those guns and that’ll help!” and you’re like, “No shit!”
[Megatron begins sniping Autobots who are on another ridge across from the platform he’s standing on.
Megatron: We got another one!]
C: Wait… are the machines flying other non-transforming machine?
O: Yes.
S: Uh, probably. It’s also-
C: Is that normal?
O: Yes.
S: Yeah… It's also entirely possible that they could be uh, flying Transformers that are actually transformed, or dead.
C: Yikes.
O: Well... I mean that’s kind of what they do with Trypticon later, it’s not that weird, unfortunately.
[Megatron moves closer to the Autobot occupied area.]
C: Yeah.
S: I mean, it’s what they did in More Than Meets the Eye after uh…
O: Oh, yeah!
S: Yeah, the- the Necrobot’s base.
O: They're like, “Oh shit, we have no ship to get off we're just gonna take this Decepticon, mass shift him and fly his dead corpse off planet.” [laughs]
C: [laughs]
S: Yeah.
O: Like, I'm not even paraphrasing or exaggerating-
S: That’s pretty much just…
O: Pretty much, yeah.
S: Pretty much what they did.
[Megatron pauses and looks behind him at the firefight before entering a doorway on his left and following a path upwards towards where the anti-aircraft gun are located.]
C: Megatron’s like, “Ehhh, you guys got that.”
[Megatron enters a room that has two large windows on the left side. Two Decepticons grunts are firing back at Autobots inside.
Breakdown: Turrets! They’re gonna chop us to pieces!
Megatron: No one turns back! Destroy those guns by ANY means necessary!]
O: Or take them, maybe?
[Brawl: You heard Lord Megatron! Decepticons -- lay down cover fire while we take that building!
Megatron takes cover behind the pillars next to the windows and door and snipes various Autobots, some snipers, and some stationed at turrets.]
C: Ultra Magnus. That's who I was thinking uh, Omega Supreme was for some reason.
O: [laughs]
S: Oh...
O: Wow, that was wildly inaccurate!
S: Yeah.
[Megatron continues sniping Autobots, butsome turrets he already cleared out are being manned by Autobots again…]
C: Right? I think it's cuz they're both- they're both- both of their names are like two words?
S: Yeah. I can see that.
[Megatron attempts to back up but is blocked by a Decepticon that is ducking behind him.]
O: [deep voice] “Move, Decepticon!”
C: Right? [laughs] “No! I’m safe here!”
O: [deep voice] “You’re not safe behind me if I decide to shoot you!”
[Megatron: This fate awaits all who oppose me!
Megatron continues to snipe. The Autobots keep spawning in and taking control of the turrets. The nearest turret turns towards Megatron and shoots at him, missing.]
O: Oh my god, why!? Why do you keep spawning? Just stop already!
C: Yeah, the real question is why they're like, “Hmm, well we were shooting down this hallway at the people coming at us maybe if I do it, I’ll fare better than the guy who died last time?
O: Right!?
C: That one at least tried to point the gun at you.
[Megatron shoots at an Autobot but instead of moving in the direction of the gunshot’s momentum he flies backwards out of Megatron’s scope at high speed and hits a large cylindrical object, then slides down and explodes.]
O: [laughs] I love physics! Like, the physics in this is so weird! He just went flying backwards. [laughs]
C: But yeah, they're like, “Hmm, someone from the side is shooting us. Oh well, I’ll just run and grab this gun!”
[After sniping a few more Autobots Megatron runs out of the room and up stairs to his right. An Autobot sitting in a turret on one of the stairway landings leaves his turret and tries to attack the party, but gets a Fusion Cannon to the face.]
O: I think I’m supposed to be going up there without uh, killing all of them.
[Autobot: We’ve got to protect the anti-air guns!
Brawl: Now! Hit the Autobots while they’re distracted!
The party continues upwards and into a dimly lit corridor before ascending more stairs. They pass by a glitching Zeta Prime hologram.]
O: Like, maybe- maybe I'm supposed to be moving, but I- I like my idea better. They just keep coming because they’re idiots.
[Megatron reaches a console and activates it, opening a door to his right that leads back outside. Seeing a health chest he runs over and smashes it, despite still having a shield left.]
O: I don’t know why I hit that, I don’t need that either.
[There is a console to Megatron’s right, as well as a nearby Autobot who has his back to him. Megatron runs over to the console, but no UI displays as he runs around the console.]
C: These are not working computer.
[Megatron runs over to the oblivious Autobot and smashes him with his melee attack.]
C: [laughs]
[Megatron: There! The gun controls!]
O: [laughs] Yes! I know! I was trying to hit them, Megs!
[Megatron returns to the console, having to wait for his dialogue to complete before finally being given the option to interact with the console and planting a detpak on it.]
C: You had to smash that guy over the head first.
O: Ey- ust Megatron really wanted to smash that guy over the head.
[The detpak explodes, and the console swaps over from Autobot red to Decepticon purple, complete with Decepticon insignia on it’s screen. Dark Energon begins forming on the nearby anti-aircraft gun. Megatron turns back to the console, which is now also being consumed by Dark Energon crystals.]
O: Okay, so now we've got Dark Energon infecting the aircraft guns… and everything else to be honest.
[Breakdown: Niiiice! Takes one gun to blow up the other!
Soundwave: Megatron -- the controls are overloading.
Purple electricity begins coming off the console, and Dark Energon begins taking over a nearby wall.]
O: The Dark Energon’s too much!
[Megatron: Move, Decepticons!
Megatron jumps off the platform to the ground below, transforming in midair and driving little ways before returning to bot mode and looking back up at the anti-aircraft gun. The console explodes.]
S: Oh, and this is very hectic.
[Breakdown: That almost punched our tickets! I thought Dark Energon was on our side?]
O: [snorts]
[Megatron: Brawl -- call in the bombers.
Dark Energon still covers the anti-aircraft guns and surface near it but doesn’t appear to moving out any further.]
O: [laughs] Megatron’s like, “Moving on.”
C: Right-
[Megatron wanders around the nearby area while Brawl coms Starscream.
Brawl: Transmitting the coordinates…
Starscream (COM): Brawl, this is Starscream! Your request is denied. I won’t have you wasting more of my ships!]
O: Oh god...
S: Dark Energon does not give a shit.
O: Neither does Megatron in about 3 seconds!
S: Pretty much.
[Megatron: I see. When did they become YOUR ships, Starscream?]
S: Mmmmmm!
[Starscream (COM): Oh -- Lord Megatron! I didn’t realize YOU were there!]
O: [laughs] I mean, “Yes!”
[Starscream (COM): Air support request approved -- but it will be a few cycles before the bombers can reach you. I’m afraid you’ll just have to be patient.
Brawl: We’ve got Autobot reinforcements headed our way!]
C: When did Starscream grow a spine!?
O: Right!?!
S: Apparently, when the booty call turned out to be unsatisfying.
[Megatron: I shall make you pay for this, Starscream. Decepticons -- hold your positions until the bombers arrive!
Megatron takes control of a nearby turret and begins shooting at the Autobot reinforcements below.
New Objective, “Defend the anti-aircraft guns,” displays briefly on the right side of the screen.]
O: Yeah, are we assuming that already happened and he was not satisfied with how that went? I mean...
S: Either that or he's pissed off that Megatron did not notice him.
O: [laughs] He didn’t comment on how pretty and shiny he was the last time they met.
[Brawl: Snipers on the bridge, Megatron!
Megatron aims the turret upwards and targets the Autobots that appeared on the bridge. After they are destroyed he resumes shooting at Autobots on the ground who have decided to court death and are aiming directly at him.]
O: Hey, Chezni, you still there?
C: Oh, yeah.
O: Okay.
C: Sorry, uh, I think I was talking earlier wasn't I?
S: Maybe?
O: Uh, maybe I’m not paying enough attention.
[All the Autobots are destroyed.
Breakdown: That’s it?!? We beat ‘em?
Brawl: No, no, no… there’s NO way the Autobots would give up that easily.]
C: I might have been cutting out through Discord, I’m not sure.
[Megatron: Agreed, Brawl. Everyone hold fast and stay alert.
Breakdown: On the roof over there! More Autobots!]
O: Strangely quiet as those lasers are being fired over there.
[Megatron attempts to turn to the Autobots who have spawned in on his left, but is restricted by the turret he’s on which doesn’t turn far enough. Megatron hops out of the turret and begins sniping the enemy Autobots.
Decepticon: Autobot ground vehicle approaching!]
Megatron: We got another one!]
C: I was just so mesmerized by watching the machine gun fire.
O: [laughs]
C: It was addicting to watch.
O: Cuz machine guns make you happy.
C: Yes!
[Brawl: They’re firing from the windows!
Megatron continues firing at Autobots, periodically more drop down from the roof onto the balcony area the rest are shooting from.]
C: It's actually quite satisfying every time to see uh, Owls zoom in and just shoot things.
O: Well, I’m glad your entertained!
[One of the large Autobots with a machine gun walks out and Megatron begins shooting it. Unfortunately, it does not die in one hit so Megatron continues to shoot it.]
O: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
C: That one's less satisfying! It's not dying.
O: Ah what-
C: Make it die!
O: [laughs] “Make it die!”
[The large Autobot is vanquished! Megatron swaps to his Fusion Cannon and begins shooting the other nearby Autobots.]
O: This is why I like the things- I- I like the- the weapons that kill them in one hit, ya know?
C: Yeah.
[Breakdown: The Autobots just keep coming!]
C: Specs, what's your uh, favorite weapon of choice?
[Brawl: Jets attacking from above!
Megatron picks up the turret gun dropped by the large Autobot and turns to his right, targeting a group of Aerialbots.]
S: I... don't think I actually have a preference for any of the weapons, because I'm not good with sniper rifles… Um, I mostly just a spray-and-pray sort of…
O: So, machine guns?
S: Yeah.
C: Yeah, I'm hearing machine guns.
[Megatron continues his machine gun Aerialbot rampage.
Megatron: All shall fall before Megatron!]
C: Actually, I think that lines up as well uh, with uh, previous levels that you played. I remember see you get uh...
[Breakdown: Blast those Autobot junk-heaps on the bridge!
The pilfered turret runs out of ammo and Megatron swaps back to his Fusion Cannon.]
S: Yeah, I think I mostly had machine guns. Either that or- well, uh, playing with the mealy weapons- or melee.
C: [laughs] I like to stab!
O: [snorts]
S: Yes.
[Megatron runs over to another mounted turret and takes aim at more Aerialbots.]
O: [laughs] I’m a talking car!
S: [laughs] Well, when I remember to transform.
C: Yeah! As funny as it sounds in a Transformers game.
O: [laughs] You kinda forget you can do it.
S: Yeah.
[Two large turret carrying Autobots appear on the distant bridge. Megatron shoots them but they persist in living.]
O: Oh my god, will you die already!?
C: Megatron is-
S: I wonder if you can shoot the screen?
C: The screen?
S: Cuz there's a screen that's occasionally-
[Megatron turns to his left where a glitching screen is visible, he shoots it but nothing happens.]
O: Oh.
C: Oh! [laughs]
O: I was like, no, you can’t have it [the gun] face the camera, was the way I was interpreting that in my head.
S: [laughs]
C: Makes me want to-
[One of the two large Autobots finally goes down.]
O: FINALLY! Jesus!
C: Make sure that the canon of uh, the- the plot of um, Megatron vs all Cybertronian ads continue.
O & S: [laugh]
O: I mean… I would be into that-
[Breakdown: We’re gonna get slaughtered!
Megatron: Stop your whining, Breakdown, or I’ll stop it for you.
Brawl: They’re coming from all directions!]
O: -would be funny to me. The real reason um, the real reason Megatron fucking lost it is because he was tired of ads.
[Megatron rips the turret off and begins shooting at snipers that have spawned on the bridge.
Breakdown: Megatron, they’re everywhere! What do we do??]
C: Right.
[Megatron: WE HOLD THEM OFF. The bombers will clear the street when they arrive! Rely on that!]
C: “My fellow Decepticons, do you realize that every day you are assaulted by 20,000 different advertisements? Where’s the decency!?”
O: [laughs] “But they’re all from two ad agencies on the entire planet!”
[Megatron: [laughs manically] ]
S: Oh gosh, that's just making you wonder if someone's done an ad agency AU, where they're basically competing ad agencies instead of competing factions?
[Megatron continues targeting all the large number of Autobots that are now spawning in multiple locations, until runs out of ammo in the turret. He drops the turret.]
O: Fuck that was-
C: Right, Megatron is just busting up the monopoly.
[Breakdown: That’s -- that’s the WHOLE AUTOBOT ARMY! We’ll never--
Brawl: BOMBING RUN WILL COMMENCE IN FIVE… FOUR… THREE… TWO… ONE!
Megatron runs over to another turret but is taken down by Autobot fire.]
O: Crap!
[The Mission Failed screen appeared and Owls selects, “Restart from checkpoint.”]
O: OH MY GOD! I have to do that again! [laughs] I apparently got right to the end but I died.
[The level reloads at the point where all the Aerialbots had started spawning in.
New Objective, “Defend the anti-aircraft guns,” displays briefly on the right side of the screen.]
S: Oh, no!
C: Maybe it saved?
[Breakdown: The Autobots just keep coming!
Brawl: Jets attacking from above!]
O: Well, I’m hoping that I don’t have to do all of them again, maybe?
C: Yeah.
S: No, you’re probably going to have to do- kill all of them, again.
[Megatron takes a turret, and begins shooting Aerialbots. This one is revealed to not be a machine gun, but something much more akin to his Fusion Cannon blasts.]
O: This is not a machine gun turret. I did not know these existed!
C: That looks like a fusion gun- cannon turret, thing.
S: Maybe? Yeah, that’s-
O: I mean, I’m okay with this, to be honest. I prefer being- not having to shoot things a billion times.
[Megatron shoots one of the Aerialbots which causes and explosion that takes out two additional nearby Autobots.]
O: And that's very satisfying.
C: Satisfying to watch! I hate using things like this.
O: Well, that’s why you give me all the bigger guns, dear.
C: That is true.
[Breakdown: Blast those Autobot junk-heaps on the bridge!
Two large turret wielding Autobots appear on the bridge, Megatron begins shooting at one of them, while periodically swapping back to take out groups of Aerialbots.]
O: I have better aim than you anyway.
C: Aim!?! What's that?
O: I know.
C: Food?
O: [laughs] You’re like, machine gun, shot gun, what aim? There is no aim, there is only shoot!
[Megatron targets one of the turret Autobots but keeps missing because the Autobot is moving.]
C: Although, you need to aim where they're going to be and not where they are.
O: I KNOOOOW.
C: [laughs]
[One turret Autobot goes down. Megatron takes aim at the other.]
C: At least killing those guys is easier with this thing.
O: Oh, thank you god!
[The second turret Autobot is defeated. Megatron begins taking damage as shoots hit him from below.]
S: Like, this is going a lot faster than the other one did.
O: Who is shooting at me? You are shooting at me.
[Megatron destroys the one lone Autobot on the ground.]
S: They’re from the ground, yeah.
C: A tiny boy.
O: A tiny boy is shooting me. A tiny boy must die.
C: Tiny, dead boy.
O: Tiny, dead boy.
[Breakdown: I’m the fastest thing on four wheels!]
C: [laughs] No one's arguing that point but is that really necessary to bring up right now?
S: Well, I feel like-
[An Autobot gets on the platform with the party and begins shooting. Megatron can’t maneuver the turret to hit him and tries to exit, but instead rips it off.]
O: Argh! I keep hitting the wrong button.
S: He's channeling Dragstrip.
[Breakdown: We’re gonna get slaughtered!
Megatron: Stop your whining, Breakdown, or I’ll stop it for you.]
C: Wait! He goes from, “I’m the fastest thing on two [four] wheels!” to, “We’re gonna get slaughtered!”
[Brawl: They’re coming from all directions!]
O: Oh! I thought an Autobot said that.
[Breakdown: Megatron, they’re everywhere! What do we do??]
C: Oh, did he?
S: Maybe?
O: Maybe I’m wrong. [Yup, I am very wrong. ~O]
[Megatron continues to run around with the Nucleon Shock Cannon shooting as a large number of Autobots spawn in.
Megatron: WE HOLD THEM OFF. The bombers will clear the street when they arrive! Rely on that!]
S: Well, I don’t know- I don't think they have particularly of a wide range of voice actors?
O: Yeah… at least not- certainly not for the little guys.
S: Yeah.
C: Oh, did you rip that thing off?
O: I did. I wasn't trying to.
C: The Nucleon Shock Cannon.
O: Which, apparently, I like much more than the other guns!
[Breakdown: That’s -- that’s the WHOLE AUTOBOT ARMY! We’ll never--
Brawl: BOMBING RUN WILL COMMENCE IN FIVE… FOUR… THREE… TWO… ONE!
An in-game cinematic plays, as the Decepticon bombers finally hit their targets. The party, plus Brawl are standing on a platform, Brawl turns to Megatron.]
S: Well, nucleon makes sense considering uh, what it actually does in the comic canon.
[Breakdown: Wooooo-hoooo! BOOM! Eat THAT, Autobots!
Brawl: The street looks clear, Megatron.]
O: Does it-
C: Wait, so it’s a real thing?
S: Yeah, nucleon is basically a heavy-duty powerup, but it prevents transforming in the Marvel Comics.
O: Huh.
[Brawl: That should’ve blown the Vault doors clear off!
Megatron: Good. Brawl -- remain here and hold this position. The rest of us will move forward and acquire the Omega Key!]
S: And it may, or may not uh… uh, also kind of fuck with them.
[Megatron jumps down from the platform the party has been on during the prior fight. The street below is littered with debris, Dark Energon crystals, and Autobots with varying degrees of damage. A nearby Autobot runs towards Megatron, but trips and Megatron stomps on him.
Autobot: Help… me… Must… fight… Must warn… Zeta Prime...]
S: Cuz, I think like, Grimlock ends up an Action Master because of it. An Action Master as a transformer who doesn't transform.
O: Hmm.
C: Gotcha.
S: It's been a while since I've done anything with… since I’ve read any of those um...
[New Objective, “Enter the Iacon Vaults,” displays briefly on the right side of the screen.
Megatron hits Autobots with his melee attack that are on the ground as he heads towards the Iacon Vaults’ entrance.]
C: Are you running around punching corpses!?
S: [laughs]
O: Uh, they were still alive. They were still shooting at me, they had to die.
C: [laughs]
[Megatron runs over to some ammo but is unable to pick it up. He reloads the Null Ray and then picks it up refilling 1 ammo.]
O: I’m taking the one thing of ammo from it, alright? Don’t judge me.
S: Like, nucleon is apparently an actual thing rather than just nucleon in Transformers.
[An in-game cinematic plays as the party reaches the Iacon Vaults. A huge Autobot, 2 to 3 times the height of Megatron bursts out of a wall and lands in front of the party.
Big Autobot: Engaging Decepticons at the Iacon Vaults.
The Autobot moves forward while a Decepticon grunt fires on him, crushing the grunt under his giant feet.
Decepticon: Fall back! Fall back!
The big Autobot then transforms into a big tank.]
S: Oh a giant- !
O: Oh goody.
S: I wonder if that’s-
C: I wanna play as that guy!
[Breakdown: What the-?!? That guy is huge!]
C: Yeah, I want to be that thing!
[Megatron: Split up and flank him! Use the debris for cover!
Megatron fires some tentative shots at the tank but doesn’t appear to be doing any damage. He uses the debris to maneuver around the tank looking for a weak point.
S: Okay- yeah, nucleon is an incredible power- incredibly powerful energy source capable of being used as fuel by a Transformer but though it can give great strength and power and has even revived the non-functional it has terrible side effects to quote uh, the TF Wiki.
C: Alright.
[Breakdown: The tank’s armor is too tough! We gotta find a weak spot!
The tank has a weak point on it’s rear and Megatron unloads several Fusion Cannon rounds into him.]
S: And yeah, one really common side effect is loss of transformation.
[The Autobot transforms back into robot mode. Megatron targets him, and seeing that the reticle turns red on the Autobot’s crotch begins shooting accordingly.]
O: Shoot the crotch!
S: [laughs]
C: Would you be stuck in whatever form you were in when you took it?
S: Um, possibly? Mostly I think they were stuck it in robot mode.
[The party continues firing on the Autobot, who seems to only be targeting Soundwave. Megatron hangs back, transforming into tank mode once his Fusion Cannon ammo runs out and continuing to fire.]
C: Gotcha, and yeah, Owls you are definitely shooting the crotch.
[Megatron: We’ve breached its armor! Now DESTROY IT!]
S: [laughs]
O: The ret- the reticle turned red!
C: [laughs]
O: Don’t judge me!
C: For obvious reasons!
O: Obviously! I'm sorry Soundwave, but I'm really glad you say aiming at you and not me. [laughs]
C: Soundwave’s over there just going, “OH MY GOD, WHAT’S GOING ON!?!” [laughs]
[The Autobot if finally taken down after 8 tank rounds are unloaded into the crotch area, he then explodes.
Soundwave: Megatron -- the tank has been rendered non-functional.]
C: I mean, “Didn’t even break a sweat, thanks boss.”
O: [laughs]
[Breakdown: You see that? *I* did that. ALL. Me.]
C: Ohhhh my god.
O: Breakdown, Breakdown are- do you want to die?
[Megatron picks up some nearby ammo.
Megatron: A brilliant addition to my arsenal!
He then walks forward, towards where Breakdown and Soundwave are waiting next to the vault entrance.
Megatron: Onward, Decepticons. Into the Vaults!]
S: Well-
O: “You know what? You know what I'm having for dinner tonight? Your ass.” [laughs]
C: [laughs]
S: Dead End is the one with the death wish.
O: Yeah…
[Megatron walks up to some debris blocking the vault entrance and plants a detpak on it.]
C: Wait, who's Dead End?
S: Another Stunticon, he sounds very British in the G1 cartoon.
[The detpak explodes and the party enters the Vaults. Debris litters the floor, and just inside a hologram of Zeta Prime appears.
Zeta Prime: Megatron. My, you are a persistent one! But breaking into my Vaults?!? You’ve overstepped yourself.]
O: Yeah, I don't really remember him I only know him because you like him.
S: He's a Porsche [Porsch]- or a Porsche [Por-shuh].
O: That’s funny. [laughs] Why- like-
S: Breakdown’s a Lamborghini. Yes?
O: Were the Stunticons the ones Starscream made?
[Megatron: I won’t waste words with you, Zeta Prime. Give me the Omega Key, and I may spare what’s left of your city.
New Objective, “Find the Omega Key,” displays briefly on the right side of the screen.]
S: No, that was um, the Combaticons.
O: Gotcha.
S: The Stunticons are the ones that uh, Megatron stole like, the key to Vector Sigma for.
O: Right, right. I know there was something. Like they were created somehow.
S: Yeah.
[Megatron shoots a large piece of debris that is still barely connected to ceiling. It falls and creates a hole in the floor. The party jumps through.]
C: You know, they should make Con-a-cons. Cons that were made specifically for cons?
[A large Zeta Prime hologram appears to the right of the party.
Zeta Prime: The Omega Key will NEVER be yours Megatron.]
S: [quietly] God.
O: [laughs] Why are you like this, Chezni?
[Megatron: I look forward to debating that with you IN PERSON.]
O: [snorts]
[Decepticon: Lord Megatron! Help!
Megatron heads down some stairs on the left.]
C: They'd be great at cons!
O: I think Starscre- or I think Megatron’s like the worst customer, like, [deep voice] “I will come into your store and you WILL process this return!”
A: [laugh]
O: “Or so help me, Primus!”
[The party enters a room where a Decepticon grunt is visible behind a large glass-like barrier in front of them.
Breakdown: Zeta’s got one of our guys trapped!
A reddish insignia appears on the ground underneath the grunts feet.
Breakdown: Look at the floor! What’s Zeta up to?]
C: “You will give me a refund of $39.99!”
O: Right.
C: “Uh, sir, that's not how this works!” “I don't think you understand you will give me a refund.”
O: [laughs] Right? Seems- seems accurate
[A large pillar of metal slams down as the grunt throws himself forward avoiding it. Another insignia appears under where he is currently standing.
Decepticon: Hey -- I’m still functional! I’M STILL F--
The Decepticon waves to the party before being smashed by another pillar.
Megatron: Idiot. Decepticons! Onward!
Zeta Prime: You cannot hope to overcome my defenses, Megatron!
The party enters a hallway on their left. It is lit with reddish lights on the walls, and a circular doorway is visible on the far end. Megatron walks forward and the reddish insignia from before appears underneath his feet. An insignia also appears further down the hallway, but Megatron transforms and drives to the clear area between the two.]
C: Also, did somebody get flattened?
O: Yup!
S: Yes.
[The large pillars smash down where the insignias were.
Megatron: Your pathetic machinery won’t stop me, Zeta Prime!]
C: Oh, geez!
O: Which is why I’m waiting until that one-
[Another insignia appears where Megatron is standing. He quickly drives as ahead as the pillar in front of him slowly rises.
Breakdown: Watch out, Megatron! You’re gonna get smushed!]
C & S: [laugh]
O: Bitch, I've done this before!
[Megatron reaches the door, and returns to robot mode. A hologram of Zeta Prime appears in front of the door. Megatron smashes some nearby chests and picks up ammo while Zeta talks.
Zeta Prime : Come no further, Megatron! The sacred Vaults are no place for your tainted spark.]
C: Breakdown said sm- he didn't say smashed or flattened, he said-
C & O: ‘Smushed!’
O: [laughs]
S: Yes.
[Megatron: Nothing is sacred to me, Zeta Prime. You should have realized that by now. Decepticons!]
C: ‘Smooshed.’
O: [laughs] He- he baby.
C: [laughs]
S: Smoosh, smoosh, smoosh.
O: Smoosh, smoosh. Breakdown, baby. [laughs]
[Zeta Prime’s hologram disappears and Megatron uses Dark Energon on the door.]
O: It's just funnier when I try to connect that this eventually became the Breakdown in Prime.
C: Oh, yeah!
[The doorway is destroyed, and Dark Energon crystals form in the general vicinity. A room with a lone dais in the center is revealed.]
O: Because same continuity and all, and my brain hurts.
C: Is he the one who loses the eye?
O: Yup!
S: Yup.
O: Same character, supposedly.
[An in-game cinematic begins. The party enters the room and Megatron walks up to the dais, reaching towards the large key-like object that is floating on it. The dais suddenly sinks into the floor and the key flies off.
Megatron: Finally! The Omega Key is within my - What?!?]
O: [yells] Ah! [laughs] Yoink!
[Zeta Prime rises from a large platform in the back of the room and catches the key.
Zeta Prime: Did you really think it would be that easy?]
C: “I’ll be taking that.”
[Megatron points at Zeta Prime.
Megatron: Come down HERE, Zeta Prime, and I will give you the answer!]
C & O: [laugh]
[Zeta Prime: I shall remain where I am -- this vantage point will provide an excellent view of your destruction.
A dome shaped barrier appears around Zeta. He remains still with the key floating next to him as the room begins to change around the party. A large number of pillars lift up revealing a much larger room. The large room is circular, with Zeta Prime in the center.]
C: “You don’t understand, Megatron. I'm this level's boss! I wait in a room while you dispatch all of my minions-”
O: [laughs]
[A large dome shaped metal object above Zeta’s own little barrier dome generates a massive hologram of Zeta Prime from the chest up. The hologram’s movements match the real Zeta’s below.
New Objective, “Defeat Zeta Prime,” displays briefly on the right side of the screen.
Zeta Prime: My will controls this entire chamber, Megatron. I need only close my hand to crush the life out of you!
Megatron transforms and begins driving around Zeta.]
C: He’s acting like he’s so tough! But he’s standing in a bubble!
O: Okay, I remember this. I remember this, oh no, I remember this.
[Breakdown: The floor is glowing! It’s everywhere! He’s gonna smash us!
The floor beneath Megatron begins glowing red, as he tries to get out of range but isn’t quick enough and gets smashed by a pillar.]
O: Uh...
C: Oh no, the floor is lava!
[The Mission Failed screen appears.]
C: Oh, geez!
O: I did not move fast enough.
[Owls selects, “Restart From Last Checkpoint,” and the game reloads.]
S: That’s concerning.
O: [laughs] Noooo, no.
[The same cinematic as before plays.
Owls pauses, and unpauses a few times looking for skip option.
Megatron: Finally! The Omega Key is within my - What?!?]
O: Can- can I skip this?
O: No? Am I just gonna have to watch this a zillion times? No.
C: You know what-
S: I think you just have to be-
[The cinematic is skipped and the battle begins.
New Objective, “Defeat Zeta Prime,” displays briefly on the right side of the screen.
Zeta Prime: My will controls this entire chamber, Megatron. I need only close my hand to crush the life out of you!
Megatron transforms into vehicle mode.]
C: -they spent a lot of time on that cinematic, you’re gonna watch it!
O: Zeta Prime spent a lot of time on that hologram to make him super buff.
C: Right?
[Breakdown: The floor is glowing! It’s everywhere! He’s gonna smash us!
Megatron successfully evades the pillar this time. The pillar is reveals to be two pillars that effectively cover the entire distance from Zeta to the wall in a straight line.
The way the pillars in this fight work is that there are two rings of them, one inner ring immediately around Zeta’s little bubble and another outer ring going around.]
O: Yes, I got that much.
[Zeta continues to bring down more pillars, in two sets of two. Imagine it as if you were drawing a line through the center of a circle, and that’s the pattern the pillars are falling in.]
C: So, wait, so he's not even smashing you with a hologram? He's just smashing with random metal things.
O: Yeah, yeah, yeah, but he's still posing with the hologram, you know?
C: Yeah.
O: That part is important!
C: Right? And I know this is probably a stupid question, but why doesn't he just make all of them come down to the same time!?
[Zeta Prime: Do you see now, Megatron? This is my domain.]
O: Because he wants to feel powerful.
C: I think he can’t-
[Megatron transforms into robot mode.
Megatron: Your theatrics don’t frighten me, Zeta.]
O: I agree! I agree, that I think they ARE theatrics!
C: Yeah!
[Zeta Prime: Here, I have the power to control… and create…
Several life sized Zeta Prime holograms appear and begin attacking the party who fight back.]
C: Now he's gonna make his tiny boys come after, you even though he's sit- he's sitting there safe in that bubble!
[Zeta Prime brings down three of the inner pillars briefly before they are lifted back up. The remaining Zeta clones are dispatched.
Megatron: Endless duplicates of Zeta Prime - how nauseating!
Megatron picks up ammo that was dropped by the clones.]
O: I’m just saying, not all the time does Megatron have no reason to be mad at the Autobots, you know?
C: Yeah.
O: When their leaders are like this, he's got a point.
C: Also, wait, are those fake Autobots?
O: They’re his holograms.
S: Apparently he just does stuff with solid light holograms.
C: Right!?
[Megatron: Is that all, Zeta? A pathetic army of energon clones? Is that the best you can do?]
O: [snorts]
C: Oh, energon clones.
[Zeta Prime: HAHAHAHA! You have NO idea! Here, I have limitless power!]
C: So that’s what Megatron did in G1…
O: Huh?
[Soundwave: Megatron, we may be able to damage Zeta’s machinery during its recharge cycle.
The metal dome above Zeta opens up revealing a large reddish-orange core. The party begins firing at it.]
C: With all those clones of everyone he has-
O: OH. Well, I don’t they’re holograms, unfortunately.
[Breakdown: Blasting his shield won’t work!
The metal closes in around the core again.
Zeta Prime: A valiant attempt, Decepticons, but Autobot machinery is more resilient than you realize.]
C: No, no, I know, they don't have their shininess.
O: [laughs]
[Soundwave: Alert. ALERT. Zeta Prime is modifying the room.
The floor below Megatron begins glows he begins walking away from it but is smashed by a pillar.]
O: Oh come on! I thought I’d gotten away...
[The Mission Failed screen displays. Owls selects, “Restart From Last Checkpoint,” and the game reloads right after they’d damaged the core.
New Objective, “Defeat Zeta Prime,” displays briefly on the right side of the screen.
Zeta Prime: A valiant attempt, Decepticons, but Autobot machinery is more resilient than you realize.]
C: Yeah, I didn’t quite catch what hit you.
O: It was another smashy thing.
C: Oh.
O: Thankful it saved, so I don’t have to do all of that again.
[Breakdown: Ceiling’s coming down! Get away from the mashers!
Zeta brings the outer ring of pillars down one at a time, Megatron moves into the interior to avoid them.]
C: So Specs, what is- what is Zeta Prime usually do? I actually haven't really seen anything with Zeta Prime.
S: Uh, Zeta Prime is actually not a character I remember seeing very much about, he’s probably just one of the-
O: Well, he can bring them all down, Chezni.
C: Oh.
O: Oh shit.
[The floor under the inner ring begins glowing and the party tries to stay ahead of them to avoid getting smashed. They eventually reach a gap where an exterior ring was either not brought down or has already been raised and exit into the gap.]
C: He just can’t bring them down when they’re close to you, oh. No, I'm dumb I just now realized the red markings on the floor indicate he's going to bring them down.
O: [laughs]
C: Just now. I am- you are probably very happy that we are not playing with you.
[Zeta Prime raises all the pillars and generates more clones of himself.
Breakdown: How can we win if he keeps making more clones?!?]
O: [laughs] You would have gotten crushed so many times.
C: Yes.
S: Okay, Zeta Prime is apparently from the original Transformers cartoon, from the third season, I think. But I don't think he had a very uh, big part I think he's mostly from um, the ID- the 2005 IDW continuity.
[Zeta Prime brings down more pillars in the inner ring, but misses the party and they are raised again.
Soundwave: The Energon composition of these clones is remarkable.
Breakdown: You can be a SUCH a nerd, Soundwave!]
O: [snorts]
[Soundwave: Megatron -- Zeta Prime’s machine core is now vulnerable.
The machine core is visible again, and the party fires on it.]
C: Gotcha.
O: Is he a bastard in that one too?
[Soundwave: Zeta Prime’s shield has proven impenetrable.]
S: Mm, well, I don't think he’s, like, a bastard in the Marvel com- or not Marvel, ugh.
O: In G1.
[The core is hidden again and the screen shakes as something above the party explodes, small debris falls around them.
Megatron: Your machine is failing, Zeta Prime. Where are your boasts now?]
S: Yeah, in the original G1 cartoon, but yeah IDW, he’s definitely an asshole.
[Zeta Prime: The battle is far from over, Decepticon! Prepare for destruction!]
O: All the Primes in IDW were assholes, even Prime! Er, or even Optimus.
S: Yeah. Yeah.
C: Yikes.
[Zeta Prime: Stay off the glowing floors if you wish to live!]
Zeta Prime begins bringing down pillars 2 at a time, effectively moving to cover the entire room. Megatron transforms into vehicle mode and manages to stay ahead of the glowing floors.
C: Also, rewind- did Breakdown say, “You are such a nerd Soundwave”?
O: Yes.
[Zeta Prime lifts all the pillars and generates a bunch more clones for the party to fight. Explosions continue to rock the room.
Zeta Prime: I can easily create more energon clones! You WILL be destroyed!]
C: He’s lucky it's not the Soundwave from Prime.
O: Well, I mean it is, technically.
C: OH GOSH, right.
S: Technically, yes. Except he gets a very heavy-duty makeover before Prime.
O: Well- well, I think the- the sort of running implication is that he got very heavily damaged at some point before the start of Prime.
S: Well, it counts as a heavy-duty makeover.
[The party continues to fight clones while also dodging the various pillars that Zeta Prime keeps slamming into the floor. White electricity is briefly visible on the floor while the explosions continue.
Soundwave: The Energon composition of these clones is remarkable.
Breakdown: You can be a SUCH a nerd, Soundwave!
C: Then he scanned a what, a stealth drone?
O: Yeah.
S: Yeah.
O: I still think if you’re gonna give him a vehicle mode, I think that’s a really good vehicle mode for Soundwave.
[Breakdown: Shoot the big glowy thing! SHOOT IT!!
The machine core opens up again and the party fires.]
C: [laughs]
O: Thanks, Breakdown.
S: Ahhh…
O: Thanks, baby. You’re tryin’, baby.
S: That’s- that’s super helpful.
C: Hashtag, “shoot the glowy thing.”
[Zeta Prime: No! Systems failing… this cannot be!
Zeta appears to make a last ditch effort to drop all the pillars but is foiled by a cinematic.]
O: Oh, yes it can!
C: He’s like, “No! How could you kill me while I sat here in my bubble!?”
O & S: [laugh]
O: “Not so tough now, are ya?”
[Zeta Prime’s barrier has dissipated, he stands on his platform while metal from his machine rains down around him. He falls, partially trapped under some debris. Megatron walks over and picks him up with one hand so they’re mostly facing each other eye to eye.
Zeta Prime: Finish it!
Megatron pushes his fist into Zeta Prime’s chest, causing him to drop the Omega key.]
C: Woah!
O: You were saying? I’ll take that key, and your spark, and I’m done.
[Zeta Prime: [screams]
Megatron: The Omega Key is mine! The Core of Cybertron is mine!
Megatron catches the key and slams Zeta Prime back onto the ground. The camera zooms in on the key in Megatron’s hand as a single light in the middle begins blinking red.]
C: Eh- eh?
S: I think there’s going to be some boom.
[Zeta Prime is lying on the ground, twitching.
Zeta Prime: [laughs] Your spies were misinformed, Megatron. That device only activates the key to the core. But don’t worry, the Omega Key will come to you.]
C: You can still talk!?
[The screen cuts to a different cinematic that pans over the face of a huge Autobot as his optics come online.
Omega Supreme: Omega: Activated. Power: Optimal.]
C: Oh, snap!
[More shots of Omega Supreme’s systems coming online as his Autobot badge is prominently displayed.
Omega Supreme: Mission: Destroy Megatron.
In the final shot, Omega Supreme is his vehicle mode, which is a large aircraft, and he takes to the air.]
S: Well, they've definitely got he has speech pattern right.
O: Yup, and he a big boi.
S: Yes, he is.
O: [laughs] Thanks for watching guys, hopefully, that's still fun even though there's not you know, three of us idiots running around. There is only but one idiot running around. Uh, and um, again, I’m sad I can’t play as Soundwave, but join us next time for chapter 4, Death of Hope.
S: Nice.
O: I’m Owls.
S: I’m Specs.
C: I’m Chezni.
O: Have a good day!
[Outro Music]
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What is Developer Experience (DX)?
Developer Experience¹ is a term² with a self-declaring meaning — the experience of developers — but it eludes definition in the sense that people invoke it at different times for different reasons referring to different things. For instance, our own Sarah Drasner’s current job title is “VP of Developer Experience” at Netlify, so it’s a very real thing. But a job title is just one way the term is used. Let’s dig in a bit and apply it to the different ways people think about and use the term.
People think of specific companies.
I hear DX and Stripe together a lot. That makes sense. Stripe is a payment gateway company almost exclusively for developers. They are serious about providing a good experience for their customers (developers), hence “developer experience.” Just listen to Suz Hinton talk about “friction journals”, which is the idea of sitting down to use a product (like Stripe) and noting down every single little WTF moment, confusion, and frustration so that improvements can be made:
Netlify is like Stripe in this way, as is Heroku, CodePen, and any number of companies where the entire customer base is developers. For companies like this, it’s almost like DX is what UX (User Experience) is for any other company.
People think of specific technologies.
It’s common to hear DX invoked when comparing technologies. For instance, some people will say that Vue offers a better developer experience than React. (I’m not trying to start anything, I don’t even have much of an opinion on this.) They are talking about things like APIs. Perhaps the state is more intuitive to manage in one vs. the other. Or they are talking about features. I know Vue and Svelte have animation helpers built-in while React does not. But React has hooks and people generally like those. These are aspects of the DX of these technologies.
Or they might be speaking about the feeling around the tools surrounding the core technology. I know create-react-app is widely beloved, but so is the Vue CLI. React Router is hugely popular, but Vue has a router that is blessed (and maintained) by the core team which offers a certain feeling of trust.
> vue create hello-world
> npx create-react-app my-app
I’m not using JavaScript frameworks/libraries as just any random example. I hear people talk about DX as it relates to JavaScript more than anything else — which could be due to the people in my circles, but it feels notable.
People think of the world around the technology.
Everybody thinks good docs are important. There is no such thing as a technology that is better than another but has much worse docs. The one with the better docs is better overall because it has better docs. That’s not the technology itself; that’s the world around it.
Have you ever seen a developer product with an API, and when you view the docs for the API while logged in, it uses API keys and data and settings from your own account to demonstrate? That’s extraordinary to me. That feels like DX to me.
Airtable docs showing me API usage with my own data.
“Make the right thing easy,” notes Jake Dohm.
That word, easy, feels highly related to DX. Technologies that make things easy are technologies with good DX. In usage as well as in understanding. How easily (and quickly) can I understand what your technology does and what I can do with it?
What the technology does is often only half of the story. The happy path might be great, but what happens when it breaks or errors? How is the error reporting and logging? I think of Apollo and GraphQL here in my own experience. It’s such a great technology, but the error reporting feels horrendous in that it’s very difficult to track down even stuff like typos triggering errors in development.
What is the debugging story like? Are there special tools for it? The same goes for testing. These things are fundamental DX issues.
People think of technology offerings.
For instance, a technology might be “good” already. Say it has an API that developers like. Then it starts offering a CLI. That’s (generally) a DX improvement, because it opens up doors for developers who prefer working in that world and who build processes around it.
I think of things like Netlify Dev here. They already have this great platform and then say, here, you can run it all on your own machine too. That’s taking DX seriously.
One aspect of Netlify Dev that is nice: The terminal command to start my local dev environment across all my sites on Netlify, regardless of what technology powers them, is the same: netlify dev
Having a dedicated CLI is almost always a good DX step, assuming it is well done and maintained. I remember WordPress before WP-CLI, and now lots of documentation just assumes you’re using it. I wasn’t even aware Cloudinary had a CLI until the other day when I needed it and was pleasantly surprised that it was there. I remember when npm scripts started taking over the world. (What would npm be without a CLI?) We used to have a variety of different task runners, but now it’s largely assumed a project has run commands built into the package.json that you use to do anything the project needs to do.
Melanie Sumner thinks of CLIs immediately as core DX.
People think of the literal experience of coding.
There is nothing more directly DX than the experience of typing code into code editing software and running it. That’s what “coding” is and that’s what developers do. It’s no wonder that developers take that experience seriously and are constantly trying to improve it for themselves and their teams. I think of things like VS Code in how it’s essentially the DX of it that has made it so dominant in the code editing space in such a short time. VS Code does all kinds of things that developers like, does them well, does them fast, and allows for a very wide degree of customization.
TypeScript keeps growing in popularity no doubt in part due to the experience it offers within VS Code. TypeScript literally helps you code better by showing you, for example, what functions need as parameters, and making it hard to do the wrong thing.
Then there is the experience outside the editor, which in the browser itself. Years ago, I wrote Style Injection is for Winners where my point was, as a CSS developer, the experience of saving CSS code and seeing the changes instantly in the browser is a DX you definitely want to have. That concept continues to live on, growing up to JavaScript as well, where “hot reloading” is goosebump-worthy.
The difference between a poor developer environment (no IDE help, slow saves, manual refreshes, slow pipelines) and a great developer environment (fancy editor assistance, hot reloading, fast everything) is startling. A good developer environment, good DX, makes you a better and more productive programmer.
People compare it to user experience (UX).
There is a strong negative connotation to DX sometimes. It happens when people blame it for it existing at the cost of user experience.
I think of things like client-side developer-only libraries. Think of the classic library that everyone loves to dunk: Moment.js. Moment allows you to manipulate dates in JavaScript, and is often used client-side to do that. Users don’t care if you have a fancy API available to manipulate dates. That is entirely a developer convenience. So, you ship this library for yourself (good DX) at the cost of slowing down the website (bad UX). Most client-side JavaScript is in this category.
Equally as often, people connect developer experience and user experience. If developers are empowered and effective, that will “trickle down” to produce good software, the theory goes.
Worst case, we’re in a situation where UX and DX are on a teeter totter. Pile on some DX and UX suffers on the other side. Best case, we find ways to disentangle DX and UX entirely, finding value in both and taking both seriously. Although if one has to win, certainly it should be the users. Like the HTML spec says:
In case of conflict, consider users over authors over implementors over specifiers over theoretical purity.
People think about time.
How long does a technology take to adopt? Good DX considers this. Can I take advantage of it without rewriting everything? How quickly can I spin it up? How well does it play with other technologies I use? What is my time investment?
This kind of thing makes me think of some recent experience with Cloudflare Workers. It’s really cool technology that we don’t have time to get all into right here, but suffice to say it gives you control over a website at a high level that we often don’t think about. Like what if you could manipulate a network request before it even gets to your web server? You don’t have to use it, but because of the level it operates on, new doors open up without caring about or interfering with whatever technologies you are using.
Not only does the technology itself position itself well, the DX of using it, while there are some rough edges, is at least well-considered, providing a browser-based testing environment.
A powerful tool with a high investment cost, eh, that’s cool. But a powerful tool with low investment cost is good DX.
People don’t want to think about it.
They say the best typography goes unnoticed because all you see is the what the words are telling you, not the typography itself. That can be true of developer experience. The best DX is that you never notice the tools or the technology because they just work.
Good DX is just being able to do your job rather than fight with tools. The tools could be your developer environment, it could be build tooling, it could be hosting stuff, or it could even be whatever APIs you are interfacing with. Is the API intuitive and helpful, or obtuse and tricky?
Feel free to keep going on this in the comments. What is DX to you?
Are we capitalizing Developer Experience? I’m just gonna go for it.
Looks like Michael Mahemoff has a decent claim on coining the term.
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