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transmascfrankiero · 4 years

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um thoughts on hamlet?

i’m sobbing thank you and i’m sorry in advance because this is going to be LONG

so my hottest take on hamlet (i have many, many hot takes on this play) is that ophelia’s suicide was a hoax, and that gertrude, the queen, straight up murdered ophelia instead. why do i believe this? many reasons:

1. throughout the play, gertrude and ophelia have almost no relationship in terms of interaction between them. many, if not most, stagings of the play place ophelia and gertrude on opposite sides of the stage when a scene has both of them in it, and gertrude’s dialogue toward and about ophelia heavily suggests that she doesn’t really care for ophelia at all. at best, she tolerates ophelia, and at worst, she treats ophelia like an interloper in her court, a flighty girl who drives her son to distraction and has as much to offer to gertrude as her father. (gertrude’s famous line, “more matter with less art,” is an annoyed outburst directed at ophelia’s father polonius, whom gertrude outwardly loathes.) in ophelia’s last scene before her death, she appears to have lost her mind to grief in the wake of her father’s murder, and wanders through a royal meeting handing out flowers and singing. however, she gives gertrude fennel and columbines, which represent adultery in flower language, and TELLS GERTRUDE AS MUCH, TO HER FACE. in case you’re unfamiliar with hamlet, one of the big conflicts in the play is that gertrude, hamlet’s mother the queen, married claudius, the king’s brother, approximately thirty seconds after the king died and there’s a rumor floating around court that they were hooking up LONG before hamlet senior fell victim to the classic poison-in-the-ear trick. (later it’s confirmed that claudius himself was the one who murdered the king. whoops!) so ophelia accusing the queen of adultery is of course a HUGE slap in the face, and ophelia only gets away with it because ~~~she’s mad with grieeeeef sob cry~~~ which is GENIUS and i have more theories about that particular action on ophelia’s but that’s another post for another day.

2. ophelia dies offstage. she is never seen or heard from again until her funeral in act V. the only reason we find out about ophelia’s death - and in fact, the only way we know how she died - is because gertrude tells us about it. yes, gertrude, weirdly enough! gertrude gives a monologue which describes in excruciating detail exactly how ophelia died, right down to the kind of plants that were getting caught in her dress as she drowned and what songs she sang as she slipped into her watery grave. the sort of details you would only expect a person who was there to witness the death could provide. sketchy, right? what’s even sketchier is that gertrude makes no mention of having heard this from someone else. she’s not like, “oh, this is the hot village goss, take a sip babes,” she doesn’t offer any explanation at all as to how this information got to her. she just dives straight into her ultra explicit account of the drowning. SUPER weird! and furthermore, why is gertrude of all people the one giving us this information when there is clearly no love lost in their relationship? couldn’t this have come from one of those rando shakespeare characters who show up for one scene, deliver a message, and then vanish again? well, sure, but it didn’t. it came from gertrude. and that was intentional on shakespeare’s part - he wants you to be suspicious of this information, beCAUSE...

3. the play itself tells us that the conditions of ophelia’s death are VERY SUS. the very next scene after gertrude’s macabre monologue is act V scene I, wherein two gravediggers are preparing ophelia’s grave for her burial and discussing between themselves why they’re preparing for a christian burial if she killed herself. (in shakespeare’s time, suicide was a sin, and people who committed suicide weren’t given proper burials because of it.) the dialogue goes like this:

GRAVEDIGGER 1: Is she to be buried in Christian burial when she willfully seeks her own salvation? (translation: Why is she getting a proper burial if she killed herself?) GRAVEDIGGER 2: I tell thee she is. Therefore make her grave straight. The crowner hath sat on her and finds it Christian burial. (After examining her, the coroner said she should get a proper burial.) GRAVEDIGGER 1: How can that be, unless she drowned herself in her own defense? (So what, she drowned in self-defense?) GRAVEDIGGER 2: Why, ‘tis found so. (That’s what they said she did.)

the text here indicates loud and clear that something about ophelia’s death is complicated, enough that there’s DOUBT about it being a suicide. and what’s more, there’s so much doubt that her death was a suicide, she gets to be buried for real in the eyes of God. but the text does not explicitly state what, exactly, is so weird about ophelia’s death. it just wants you to know that the whens and wherefores about it are strange, and that characters who are not emotionally involved believe it’s strange, too. it doesn’t stop there, either! the priest who’s going to perform the funeral ceremony says, in as many words, to the royal family, “Her death was doubtful.” interesting!

4. gertrude has this TOTAL crocodile tears thing going on at ophelia’s funeral. after spending the entire play openly disdaining ophelia as a silly little airhead, here’s what she has to say at her grave:

GERTRUDE: Sweets to the sweet. Farewell! I hoped thou shouldst have been my Hamlet’s wife. I thought thy bride-bed to have decked, sweet maid, and not have strewed thy grave. (I thought I’d be covering your wedding bed in flowers, not your grave.)

kind of a weird, sudden change of heart for her to have about ophelia, right? you could argue that it’s grief-driven, that people gain new perspective after someone dies and maybe she’s just now realizing that ophelia was really a great person all along. but given just how few fucks she gave about ophelia when she was alive, it doesn’t make sense for her to be sad after ophelia’s death, unless she’s being performative about her grief. and yeah, she’s the queen, people are paying attention to how she reacts to shit and therefore on some level everything she does is performative, but it’s in particular how she relates her grief back to ophelia being her son’s girlfriend that gives me pause, beCAUSE...

5. there is, of course, that whole Oedipal reading of hamlet, where the reason hamlet and gertrude’s relationship is fifty shades of fucked up is because they’re sexually attracted to one another. while this reading of hamlet is mostly a freudian analysis that is treated as a sort of embarrassing joke nowadays by scholars and theatre folks alike, when you read the scenes between hamlet and gertrude - in particular the famous closet scene, from which the bulk of this analysis derives - you DEFINITELY get the sense that this relationship is weird and toxic for reasons that have nothing to do with the fact that gertrude married hamlet’s uncle. gertrude is really, really, really wrapped up in her son. but not in a loving, maternal sort of way - instead, it comes across as a narcissistic parent desperate to understand why their child has not turned out exactly the way the parent wanted them to be. gertrude continually accuses hamlet of acting out of pocket specifically to hurt her, and does not consider any other motivation for his actions. when he acts out of turn in court, it embarrasses her. his strange behavior reflects poorly on her as a mother and as the queen, and she doesn’t like it. she has a nervous breakdown over it in the closet scene, where she basically begs hamlet to be normal for her sake.

now with all of this in mind...

i believe gertrude, having gotten fed up with her son acting Weird and making her look bad all the time, decides that in order to exert SOME means of control over the situation, is going to take it upon herself to eliminate anything that could be the cause of his bad behavior. and the most obvious cause, at least to her, is ophelia. why would gertrude believe this? well, in act one, polonius encourages ophelia to break up with hamlet, because he’s worried hamlet’s gonna steal his daughter’s virginity (which, gross, but whatever, we’re not here to talk about that today). because ophelia’s an obedient daughter, she does so. then, in act two, ophelia runs to tell her father polonius about an encounter she had with hamlet in her bedroom, where he did a bunch of weird creepy shit and then left her a letter that expressed how desperately in love with her he was. polonius decides that hamlet’s gone nuts because ophelia dumped him, and the two of them tell the king and queen about their theory. claudius asks gertrude if she thinks the theory holds water, and gertrude responds that it might. later on, in act three scene one (i.e. “to be or not to be”), this theory is apparently confirmed - at least to polonius and gertrude - by the way hamlet treats ophelia.

so, the very first theory posited to gertrude about why her son��s acting weird is that it’s because of ophelia. and we’ve already established that a) gertrude doesn’t like ophelia, and b) gertrude is a narcissist. she’s desperate to make hamlet stop his bad behavior and therefore stop making her look bad. the worse hamlet’s behavior gets, the worse gertrude’s desperation gets to stop it. and everyone else in this play solves their problems with murder, so it tracks that gertrude would solve her problem with murder, too!

gertrude killed ophelia hoping that it would make her son would go back to normal. (and, if for some reason you like the Oedipal reading of hamlet, it could be argued that she was also jealous of ophelia. but i don’t really love the Oedipal reading, so i’m choosing to ignore this argument.) the fact that ophelia was apparently insane at the time just made it easier for her to make up the suicide alibi. that’s why she knows so much about the circumstances surrounding ophelia’s death - because she was THERE and she CAUSED IT. that’s why shakespeare has gertrude delivering the news of her death. that’s why the play tells us, repeatedly, that the circumstances of ophelia’s death are suspicious. because ophelia didn’t drown herself. gertrude totally straight up drowned her!

thanks for coming to my TED talk everyone

#hamlet #this is a full on ESSAY #i even cited the text

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ansgar-martinsson · 4 years

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The Best Intentions - Part 4

“Well,” Ansgar set his pint down and folded his hands deliberately upon the table. “My business philosophy has always been one of going above and beyond the least. The least isn’t good enough, you see. Even, sometimes, my best isn’t…,” his hesitation was involuntary, but he recovered, tipping his chin beneath a haughty, prideful expression, “my best isn’t good enough… in my estimation.”

He shrugged, reaching for his pint and once again bringing it to his lips. “So, Joline Lindberg,” he took a sip of his beer and licked his lips, “what I am saying – what I am proposing, is that I… that Martinsson Construction, that is, provides you… the Stockholm Opera House, that is… with funding, some amount that you and I agree upon to meet some need for the gala. Whatever need isn’t met yet, whether it be the catering, or something structural, or transport, or security, or music, or, whatever it is where you see a need,” he set his glass back down again, punctuating his point, “I will provide it - not only the money but the manpower, the assitance.”

“So,” he said, his grin broad and honest. “What do you say to that sort of thing? Not an obligation, then, but a…,” he squinted in momentary thought, “a partnership?”

And with that, he held out his hand to her.

“A partnership,” she whispered reverently. The offer was more than she ever hoped to gain by borrowing her mother’s car and burgled shoes. It represented more than she sought to gain from meetings with Wiessing. “That’s a triumph for Career Jo!”

To a symphony of clinking glasse, scraping silverware and chatting people, Joline noticed a gentle breeze wafted her hand into his. Heartily she gripped and shook, “I’d love that really.”

His handshake was powerful, and his hand hot, strong and oddly tender. A silent force, but active reserve in play. He could use them to handle delicate china or deliver untold devastation.

“So this gala of yours, when is it? How can I help?” Ansgar Martinsson inquired after their hands lingered slight longer than custom.

Jo sat back beaming at the win for the Opera House. “Uh, same night as our season debut, the seventh of September. In the lobby. My staff has most everything sorted, being that it’s only a few weeks from now.”

Ansgar produced his mobile from the hidden breast pocket of his blazer. Swiping those long graceful fingers over the display, he entered some personal notes. “Please got on. I’m listening.” His direction sounded curt and clipped, but his tone was soft, sure and non-threatening.

Jo admired his directness, his business sense and his ability to multitask. He asked appropriate questions as Jo rattled off many of the details that she recalled from memory. The caterer had been scheduled, the staff to serve drinks, musicians hired, security increased and a photographer hired.

Ansgar gestured for the waiter to refill their drinks while he continued to make notes or sent succinct messages to Britta.

“I do have an idea – well, several to be fair – for the gala,” Jo finally circled round. “And beyond actually. I wanted to hold an auction, silent or grand – I’m still thinking it through. Fund raising for future projects in and around the Opera House.”

He’d put down his mobile to dedicate all of his attention to her plan. His legs stretched out underneath the table, one ankle crossed over the other. He watched as she got more excited.

“That’s where I need you,” she met his direct gaze. “Your contacts, your posh friends and business associates and their deep pockets. Come to the gala and bid up past costumes or set pieces or props. I’d like to restore and re-imagine that little theatre in the west wing, for intimate concerts and workshops for the university. The Globe did it years ago, and it works as another revenue stream all year round. But I need funding to do that. I’ll also need you to estimate the cost of that… a goal for such an auction.”

Ansgar nodded. “I’ll start making some contacts this afternoon, get some calls going,” he said. He knew, though, with those posh friends and business associates, those contacts weren’t as strong as they’d been before he… before he left. Some of those contacts he hadn’t even reconnected with since he’d been back, others had left him some rather negative emails and voice mails after reading the news of his return.

Where the hell have you been?

Why didn’t you tell me you were back?

How fucking irresponsible can you be?

Screw you, Martinsson. I thought you were dead.

Sorry, Sgar. I’ve got a new joint venture with….

We’ve moved on. Moved on. Moved on.

He smiled, bunching up his napkin and resting it on the side of his plate. “Shall we go? I can drive you back to my office. I believe your car is still there.”

“Yeah,” she said. “My car’s still at your office.”

The woman had dreams, big ones, and she reminded him of himself. She was tenacious, ambitious, and that ambition was attractive. He found himself smiling as she talked in the car, as he listened - as she spoke of funding sources and writing grants and relationship building and plans plans and more plans.

“And when I was in America, I worked for a major university, in their theatre department. I ran the fine arts center, and spent most of my time revamping the talent schedule, getting the stage equipment updated, and… hey, have you ever been to America?”

Ansgar pulled his car into its parking spot, shoved it into gear, and turned off the ignition. “Yeah,” was all he said, his voice curt and clipped. “I’ve been.” He unfolded himself from the car and walked around the back. He opened her door and offered her his hand.

She placed her hand in his and stood. Ansgar felt a strange chill go through him, as if he was being scanned - she’d looked up at him, her eyes narrowing with a cock of her head. She studied him for a split second that seemed an eternity. “You okay? You seem a little bit off just now.”

Ansgar swallowed, giving his head a small shake. “Yes, I’m fine,” he said. Lowering his head, he gestured widely with his left hand. “This way. Your car is in the car park upstairs.”

“Thank you for lunch,” she commented towards the taller man’s back, his loafers clicking on the smooth concrete. The mention of America triggered him, in a small way, deflated him. He tried to hide it by leading the way to the car park. “By the way…” Her feet skipped a step to meet his stride and walk beside him. “It was unexpected, productive… thank you for that!”

“You are quite welcome. It was a pleasure.” Another bland automatic response, his thoughts elsewhere.

Jo didn’t take offense, only kept a steady gait with him. “Next business meal’s on me.”

He side-eyed her to check for truth or for an extra limb or appendage. Usually, back in his other life, when women learned who Ansgar was and what he was worth, the question of payment landed on him. All the time.

The sun beamed down on them then as they stepped out from the private carport overhang to the guest lot. No third arm or extra nose on the woman… no airs, no attitudes; she just was. He wondered if she handled his moody like she did her talent.

He found a smile, a weak and surprised one, underneath the mountain of memories. “We’ll see about that,” he responded noncommittally.

“May I ask you something? It’s a bit rhetorical, a lot personal, and entirely none of my business.” The two stopped at the door of the mini, the smell of Linnea, petrol and damp wafting off the river. “This is me,” she announced with an off-hand gesture.

Ansgar surveyed the car shortly, then the woman, and then the car once more. One eyebrow cocked up in disbelief. “This is not you.”

Jo cracked a smile. “Borrowed me. My ride…” she shrugged, searching for the right phrase, “uh, not appropriate for the skirt.”

“Ah!”

Tucking her hair behind her ears, Jo turned fully to her companion as they stood in the summer sun as it pressed down into them. She glanced at her feet, digging her hands deep into the rear pockets of her jeans.

Ansgar dared, as he always would regardless the woman, a trailing stare down her body. While she contemplated her shoes against the pavement, he drank in her long legs, firm thighs, and curve of her breasts, accentuated by the strain of black cotton. He yanked his focus from her just as she looked up again.

“I was gonna say… gonna ask,” she clicked her tongue against her teeth, losing some of her nerve. She’d be disappointed in herself if she didn’t speak her mind. “You said that you’d been away,” she squinted in curiosity, “Are you happy being home? Are you happy here?”

His nostrils flared. His lips pressed together into a tight straight line. The entitlement… the brazen…

Her hands flew up to beg mercy. “It’s none of my damn business. Don’t answer. Only food for thought… rhetorical, ‘member?” Another shrug lifted her shoulder, this one offered up in apology. “Thank you again for lunch… and your attention. Truly.” She produced her business card from her back pocket and slipped it into the pocket of his blazer.

“Ring me, won’t you? When you schedule work in the theatre? I’ll be there to help, yeah?” She didn’t let his silence get to her. “I’d fancy a lesson so I know what to look for… in the future.”

Jo felt that she’d shocked him enough for their first meeting. She voted against a friendly gesture of a kiss on each cheek. He seemed so in need of something nice, something pleasant, but she perhaps wasn’t the right person to extend that. Not yet.

She folded herself into the car, waving out the oppressive heat. “Until next time, Herr Martinsson.”

“Until next time, Froken Lindberg,” he said, giving her a polite bow of the head. He set his hand on the car frame, but it was she who closed it, leaning over and pulling the door closed with a tinny thunk. He lifted the same hand in a gesture of farewell as she started the small car, put it into gear, looked over her shoulder and backed it out, shifting again to drive away.

He lowered his hand as he watched after her for a moment. “No, if you must know,” he murmured. “I’m not happy being home. I’m not happy here. I’m not happy anywhere. Not yet at least.”

And he turned on his heel and strode back into his building.

***

Later, in the early evening, after he’d spent hours on the phone (angrily and heatedly lecturing… threatening… his sprinkler subcontractor, warning his surety agent, seeking counsel from his construction solicitor, chewing out his mechanical engineer, and instructing his public relations manager with regard to the gala) and another few hours bent over Opera House plans and specs, he sat back, yawned, and stretched. “Oh, fuck,” he moaned. “Fuck this all to hell.”

He hadn’t anticipated spending the entire day on the Opera House. He hadn’t anticipated coming back to face a shit-storm like he was facing, both physically with the coordination of work, or on a public relations level. What would it do for the press to learn that Martinsson Construction’s flagship project for the past three and a half years had sprung massive leaks? What would it do indeed?

It would do a massive pile of fuck all, that’s what it’d do.

Or perhaps, he thought he had anticipated it. He’d trusted his staff – or perhaps, when he left all that time ago, he hadn’t even given it any thought as to whether he could trust anyone who would carry on the business in his absence. He simply didn’t care, not then. There were other things to care about. Or not.

Perhaps he should have cared.

He’d left no note, no word, no nothing to the Board, only a quick email from a new, nondescript and untraceable Gmail account to his solicitors, telling them that he was taking leave from his position as CEO for the foreseeable future, that they should put the temporary succession plan in place, and that he would advise upon his return.

What else could he have expected?

And from Joline Lindberg? What more should I expect?

He shook his head, taken aback by the thought of her that slithered its way into his tired mind. The image of her, her anticipatory grin, those curves tightly wrapped in that pair of jeans, that blacker than black shirt showing off every bit of her, of her on that motorcycle she talked about, and… Damn it!

He scrubbed at his face, coursing his hands down to stretch his skin, his mouth gaping open as his fingers pulled down on the edge of his jaw to curve around and pull at the tight, aching flesh of his neck.

… and then he closed his eyes, and the thought of her invaded again. He found his fingers splayed, pressing lower, down his chest, over his stomach to his groin and…

Fuck! No! No fucking way!

He shook his hand violently. “She’s a client, you arse,” he muttered, sneering in self-disgust. “Dickhead.” He woke up his computer, and opened his emails. Something to do, something to get his mind off of…

FROM: [email protected]

Ansgar sighed, chuckled mirthlessly to himself, and opened the email.

Jo slumped further into her computer chair, one foot tucked under her and the other poised on the lip. She bobbed her head, her chin brushing her knee. She chewed absently on the end of her pen, reading over her email… again. The screensaver popped up and littered her document with digital air-borne balloons, bouncing this way and that. A sign from some almighty spirit to save her from, in fact, confirming her brand of crazy for the man that she spent most of her afternoon.

Her mouth spluttered around her pen as she tried to call out to her mother. “Mamma?” she spat, her tongue falling out of her mouth momentarily. She threw the oral fixation aside and tried again, “Mamma?” She called blindly through the house from the comfort of her office, which was little more than a closet. She kept her desk, chair, laptop and a poster of The Globe in London on her wall. To this day, her favorite gig she’d ever done, and it was only a fortnight workshop.

“Joly, I’m… fine.”

“Are ya? Really? Can I get something for ya?” She untangled her limbs and padded along the champagne colored rug.

“No, no… Joly, I’m fine.”

Jo followed the sound of her mother’s voice to her room at the opposite of end of the hallway. She found the woman in her favorite chair near the window, knitting another scarf or booties or mittens for her grandsons that the eight year olds had outgrown about four years ago. “Did you take your meds, mamma?”

“You didn’t need to come in here. I heard yer mouth.”

Choosing to ignore the snark, Jo bent and kissed her mother’s forehead. She did it every night, not only as an ‘I love you’ but also to check her temperature subtly. Her mother hated the fuss, and Jo adapted her behavior to it. “Did you take your meds?”

“Yeah, yeah… I have. What are you working on in there?” Emelie jerked her head towards the door, her fingers working like magic, over and under, cross and weaving, gracing the yarn in a spell.

“Proving to my… partner… that I am as mad as he believes me to be.”

“Brilliant pastime, my dear.”

Jo checked over her mother’s levels and notes from earlier in the day before her treatments. She said nothing, only noted it to herself. She felt just a pang of guilt for not having gone with her to hospital that day.

“Joly, come away from there. I’m fine.” Her needles clicked and danced, progressing along whatever project it was.

“I’m going with you for the next—“

“Joly, torturing your… partner with your neurosis is time better spent than bothering over me.”

“Neuroses if you please, mamma.”

With that, Jo exited her mother’s room and headed back to her office to reconsider sending that email once more. She dropped into her chair just as she had before, swiping her middle finger over the touchpad to rouse it and chase away the balloons.

She read:

TO: [email protected] 20:33pm 1 attachment

Herr Martinsson,

Please forgive the unexpected email AND the Stanley person who gave me your email. Not to worry, I don’t believe it was his true identity and you’ll be pleased to know that he didn’t give it up without a fight. Your employees do respect your privacy to the utmost.

I had some additional thoughts regarding the Opera House because I needed the distraction more than anything else. I sat down at my computer and wrote a formal proposal, see attached. I assumed that you would like some sort of project proposal and a contract between us. An understanding, if you will.

If you’d like to email me back, I’d appreciate knowing if you’re available, if you’re open to more ravings of a lunatic…

Or you can tell me to bugger off in your colorful way. I await your response.

Yours,

Joline Lindberg

And then she foolishly hit send.

#the best intentions

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wolfpawn · 5 years

Text

Once Bitten, Twice Shy, Chapter 19

Previous Chapter

Chapter Summary - Tom does not get to confess his feelings to Paige and goes to New York. While there, he gets a text out of the blue which started him and makes him think he has another chance.

Tag, @wolfsmom1 @sweetkingdomstarlight-blog @damalseer@nonsensicalobsessions @standing-onthe-edge @hiddlesbitch1

anyone else who wishes to be added to the tags, just ask :)

a/n - Final chapter tomorrow.

Tom didn’t get to see Paige face to face again before he left. She went to Scotland to do a book signing, having been offered a chance last minute when another author pulled out. Tom tried to talk to her but he knew it would be better to do it face to face. When he asked her when she would be back in London, she told him she had an offer to go to the Highlands for two weeks to see if she could get restarted on her book and she was going to take it. He could only wish her the best and ask that she let him know how it went.

Tom went to New York with a heartbroken feeling that descended all the way to his stomach. He wanted nothing more than to go to Scotland and see if she would speak to him, but her only message was that she was after finding a groove and wishing him luck.

The play had been going for about a month when Tom went on the Stephen Colbert show. He joked and smiled through it all. When asked about his recent schedule making life difficult, Tom laughed it off and said he was learning to juggle it all. He knew better than to say anymore. For ages, no one really mentioned Paige, but the statement was issued as planned. Paige had been spotted in London again with Sophie, talking in a coffee shop and with Fiona, both laughing as they went clothes shopping. Her smiling demeanour making no one think too much of anything, especially when she never referenced the relationship in any manner. Tom saw her smiles as her not missing him as he missed her.

He went through the motions for the play as they always did before a performance, doing all of the exercises that he did to ensure he was well stretched on and ready for everything the play entailed. Not long before it began for the evening, he got a text message. Usually, before he went onto set or stage, he had an ‘hour rule’ where within that hour, he would ignore his phone so to allow his mind to focus on the situation at hand and not some text. But for once, he glanced at it. Shocked, he read the name and clicked on it to read it.

Paige - Hey, I know you don’t look at your phone before a performance, but just wanted to say I hope you do well tonight. Having seen in London, I will be judging you. Only kidding. I do hope you have a great evening. I am in New York for a night so I thought it a good idea to support you. Good luck.

Tom was in two minds. Part of him wished he did not know, because now he was distracted. The other part wanted to contact her back immediately and tell her to wait behind after the show so he could see her. This was his chance. The one he had been waiting for.

Tom- Really? Please tell me you have not decided to have some more than usual twisted sense of humour? Can we meet? It’s been too long.

Paige - Well, you have fan duty tonight, no doubt but I am a fair woman. How about breakfast tomorrow. I have “brunch” (aren’t I fancy?”) with a new publisher and an afternoon flight to LA I have to catch, so I’m afraid that’s my bargain.

Tom - That’s a fair bargain. Where and what time?

Paige - Well, you know that lovely diner just down from your theatre, I am currently there licking my lips over the stack of pancakes they offer for breakfast so frankly, it’s there or nowhere.

Tom - You drive a hard bargain. I know where you are referencing. I will see you there at say eight?

Paige - Is half seven too early?

Tom - Half seven is perfect. Enjoy the show.

Paige - Have a good evening, Mr Hiddleston.

Tom put down his phone with a new skip in his step and rushed about getting ready for the show. As soon as he exited his dressing room, everyone noticed there was something more to his walk as he did. The commonplace smile on his face seeming even brighter as he made his way through the backstage area.

The play, as it always did, started at the end. The crowd were shrouded in darkness, he could not see anyone, yet he felt her there. He knew amongst them all was Paige. He could sense her smile, her encouragement, as he did the lines and acted the scenes out in reverse chronological order. She had seen the play twice in London, she did not need to be there, but she came and that, at least he hoped, proved she cared enough to be there. It would restart talk of them, he knew it. Luke would contact him about it, ask him if he knew in advance, but he didn’t care. It would only feed the idea it had been an amicable split. He did the lines, looked his castmates in the eyes as he spoke them, added the anger, the pain and passion as required and gave it everything, as he always did. Knowing Paige would point out if he didn’t. At the end, the audience applauded and he, along with Zawe and Charlie, bowed and smile at them all. As the lights shone over them, he noticed her, a few rows back, smiling proudly and clapping, standing like many behind her. He could not focus on the rest of the crowd, all he could do was look at her. The woman to her right seemed to realise who she was then and spoke to her for a moment. He saw her listen to her before nodding and smiling. A few others seemed to realise who she was then too.

He felt Zawe gently touch his arm and forced himself to look at her. “Sorry?” “I said we need to get ready to go out back, come on.” She smiled.

Tom looked to the crowd one last time, specifically to Paige, who smiled and nodded before doing as instructed.

His signatures were no more than scribbles on some accounts he suspected, barely taking heed of them and the photos seemed to be one after another of the same pose. Were they alright? He was less than certain, all that went through his mind was Paige, and getting to speak with her. At the end of it all, he rushed into the theatre again, grabbed Bobby and bid farewell to everyone for the night as fast as he could.

“Is there a fire?” Zawe laughed.

“No, just need to catch up with someone. Have a great evening and see you tomorrow.” Tom rushed out the door, even Bobby startled at the speed he went.

“Bye, I guess,” she stated, unsure before going and getting ready to leave for the evening.

* Tom rushed to the apartment, only stopping to allow Bobby to relieve himself on route. When he got in and put his backpack, which he used to keep his belongings with him through the day down, he rummaged in his pocket and got out his phone, scrolling through the different messages, texts and emails until he saw the one he really wanted.

Paige - I was told to tell you, by about forty people, that you were incredible tonight. I told them you were ‘meh’ at best though.

Tom couldn’t help but smile.

Tom - Just ‘meh’?

Paige - I supposed it was fine.

Tom - Brutal honesty. Did they not think it odd for you to be at my show?

Paige - I am nothing if not honest. Our “statement” stated we parted on good terms, this only solidifies that. You were wonderful, but you didn’t need me to tell you that, did you? Tom - It means more coming from you than most everyone else.

Paige - High praise, unfairly bestowed, but high nonetheless. Are we still on for the morning?

Tom - Yes.

Paige - Then I will see you then. I really am feeling tired, so goodnight, Mr Hiddleston, pleasant dreams.

Tom- Goodnight, Ms Winters. I cannot wait to see you.

He pressed send before he could second guess himself. He felt anxious but did not regret his decision to do so. Organising himself for the next morning, he forgot half of what he needed to do, too giddy at the idea of seeing Paige again.

He barely got any rest that night, readying his words for her, hoping to get her to come to his apartment for a moment so that they would have the privacy for him to say what he needed.

When he entered the diner the next morning, he felt for a moment that she would not be there, that it was either an elaborate hoax or she felt wrong and decided not to do it. Several times he checked his phone to see if she had cancelled, but she never sent any. He thought to go early and be there first, so he went ten minutes ahead of time, something Luke would never believe were he to hear it. But sitting in a discreet corner, smiling at him, was Paige. He felt his stomach clench as he walked over and she stood up. “Paige.” “Hey, Stranger.” She embraced him.

Tom kissed her cheek. “You are a sight for sore eyes.” “What, bored of the Big Apple already?” “New York is wonderful, the US is great, but London is home.” “I understand.” “What’s new, how is the book?” “The book is good. I got it done, two weeks with little phone reception and even less internet works wonders.” She smiled. “It’s why I am here. I have my book deal in Britain, as you know, but I need a Stateside distributor. So I am here and since I am here, I could not think of another person I wished to see more.” “How are your family?” Paige’s smile fell slightly. “Your dad?” “Mum.” “I am so sorry.” “She is getting tests done, but she feels something is off. It will be early if there is something, so we have that on our side.”

Tom took her hand. “Day or night, do not hesitate to contact me if I can do anything.” “She cried when I told them we parted ways. Oscar told me what day it was going to be issued, so I told them the Sunday before. She was gutted.” “Mum was none too pleased either,” Tom confessed. “I was told I was an idiot, that you are the most incredible woman.” “What did you say to that?” “That I knew that but I was away too much and I didn’t want to hurt you.” “You didn’t need the take the blame.”

“I couldn’t put it on you, you did nothing to deserve it.” “Some would dispute that.”

“I wouldn’t.” Tom looked her in the eye as he spoke. “So, the pancakes?” “I said I would wait.” “Then, let’s not delay any longer.” * The food was delicious and the entire time, Tom and Paige spoke nonstop. Tom about his time in New York and Paige about the book.

“How is Bobby?” “He is in my apartment, would you like to say hello?” Paige checked the time. “Would it be rude for me to? I miss him terribly.” Elated to have an excuse to bring her somewhere where they could discuss more personal things, Tom beamed. “Then I guess we better go say hello. He would love to see you.” Smiling, Paige threw thirty dollars on the table and got up. “Come on so.” Seeing her put the money down, Tom chuckled. “You haven’t changed.” “I never plan to.”

“Don’t, please.” They walked out of the diner, smiling at one another.

“Tom.”

Tom turned to see Zawe behind them. “Zawe, how are you, this morning? This is Paige, I don’t recall if you met before? Paige, this Zawe, my co-star, as you know.” “No, we did not get the pleasure, but you mentioned Paige a number of times.” Zawe smiled, extending her hand. “I know you of course from your work too.”

“As I do you. You were great in the play, but I read your book as well, it’s very good, I can see you being a name to look out for very soon.” Paige beamed, taking her hand and shaking it.

Zawe smiled bashfully. “Ah, stop, you have me blushing.”

“No, you are great.” Paige reiterated. “I hope you are having a good run. You were great last night.” “Haven’t you seen it a few times now?” “I have, but I thought with one night in New York, what better way to spend it? Support you all.” Zawe smiled. “Tom makes being here so much easier. He’s always there to lean on.” She gently rubbed his arm for a moment. “He never mentioned you were coming.”

“Well, we need to stick together over here, the three of us.” Tom smiled.

Paige looked between them for a moment, more specifically, how Zawe looked worriedly at Tom and kept her hand on his arm. She studied Tom’s reaction, noting how he did not seem bothered by it. “Good, that’s important.” She smiled. “It was just a passing visit, I said nothing until last night. I better let you two get ready for the day, anyway. It was lovely to finally meet you, Zawe, I wish you all the luck in the future, both in writing and in acting. Tom...all the best with everything.” Tom, startled by the turn of events, frowned. “What, I thought…” “I think it’s best if I go now. I am clearly stepping over a mark so I better not do any more.” She looked between them for a moment. “I wish you the best with everything, Tom. Have a great rest of a run here. Who knows, we might see you in the future in London again. Bye.” Turning away, Paige walked off quickly.

“Paige?” Tom turned to Zawe. “Zawe, I will see you later at work.” He turned and rushed after Paige. “Paige, please.” His longer legs allowed him to catch up to her easily. “Paige, I thought we were going to say hello to Bobby.” “I do not think Zawe approves.” “Why would her approval matter?”

“I think we both know why.” She smiled sadly. “And I don’t want to cause issues. I’m happy for you, Tom. I truly wish you nothing but the best, you are the most incredible man, you deserve every happiness.” She nodded slightly before turning to go away.

“Why did you want to meet today, Paige?” Tom asked.

“I guess I missed our talks, and getting to see you again was something I could not decline, but also, I think I needed to see you happy, even if I was not expecting it, because then I would have wondered about the ‘what if’ scenario. Now, I know. My father and brother were right, I dally too much. Goodbye, Tom.” The finality of the way she said those two words struck Tom. “Paige.” But she did not pay him any heed, instead, she hailed a cab and got in, only looking at him when it was driving off.

When Tom arrived at the theatre that afternoon, the first person he saw was Zawe who noted his mood. “Hey.” “Hey, are you alright?” She asked worriedly.

Tom nodded, but the blind could see it was untrue.

“I sort of guessed seeing her wouldn’t do you any good. It’s still raw, isn’t it?” She rubbed his arm sympathetically.

“I...she thought we were seeing each other...she...her ex cheated on her, so she is big against anything that would make either partner in a relationship uncomfortable, but I...I wanted to talk to her...to see…” Zawe looked at him wide-eyed. “You wanted to try and fix things? And I...Oh, Tom, I am so sorry. I never meant to give that impression, I just didn’t want you to get hurt again and I wanted to support you...I am so sorry.” “It’s fine, it is not your fault. I should have just said it to her before I came here, I should have been man enough to just say it to her to begin with. I should not have let my chance go.” He sighed in defeat. He knew better than to try and explain it to Paige, she would see it as him wanting to have his cake and eat it too. He missed his chance.

#Once Bitten Twice Shy #chapter 19 #tom hiddleston #tom hiddleston fic

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zukalations · 5 years

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Flower Troupe Top Star Asumi Rio’s retirement press conference

So you know how I said I wasn’t going to post on Fridays for a while unless there was a major news event...

This article was published on Sankei West on March 13, 2019. Check the original article for photos.

Flower Troupe Top Star Asumi Rio’s retirement press conference

Takarazuka Revue Flower Troupe Top Star Asumi Rio, who announced that she would be retiring as of November 24, held a press conference in Osaka on the 13th. Asumi declared “I’ve come to love Takarazuka even more. Until the very end, I want to continue to develop as the otokoyaku I always yearned to be, and give everything I have onstage to make Flower Troupe an even better troupe.” During the press conference, despite tearing up many times, she looked forward with determination.

Asumi, who was wearing a pure white pants suit, was in tears from her first greeting. “Thank you so much for coming today, everyone,” she said, her voice shaking.

She is retiring after a long 5 and a half year period as Top Star. She said that the truth was “the junior actresses are all giving their all, too. I felt from early on that if I stayed there forever it might make everyone feel a bit awkward.”

Around that time, she was able to have her greatest experience as an actor with her highly acclaimed role in last year’s The Poe Family. “I just gave myself over to the role, and somehow naturally it felt like the whole troupe was moving forward together. I feel like [my character of] Edgar might have miraculously let me calm down and look at the rest of the troupe. I thought ‘They’ll be okay even if I’m not here’,” she said.

At the same time, her performance partner, Senna Ayase, who will be retiring as of April 28th, informed her of her intentions to retire. Therefore, she determined to see Senna off before her own retirement. “I think there are fans who would have wanted the two of us to retire together. But since she really did so much for me--” her voice became choked with tears. “Like the other musumeyaku who have been by my side supporting me until now, I wanted her to be the star and sparkle in her farewell show, and I wanted to send her off like a princess. I was so happy to see her like that.”

She informed her comrades in the troupe on March 10th, the day before the final [Takarazuka Grand Theatre] performance of CASANOVA. Since she had been in the position for so long, “I’m sure everyone felt like it was coming sooner or later, so most likely it didn’t come as that much of a surprise, but when I told them everyone cried…” she said, starting to cry again as she remembered. “It made me happy that they would cry so much for me. I felt so much love for them I could hardly bear it.”

She revealed her plans to her classmate and Top Star of Snow Troupe, Nozomi Fuuto, at the time of last year’s Takarazuka Special in December. “[I told her] since it was a dressing room for just the two of us. I started crying…” she said, thinking back.

Director of the Takarazuka Revue, Ogawa Yuuji, who joined Asumi at the press conference, said “She has such grace, and personality, and such an ability to attract customers. As Top Star, she had her 9 shows in the Grand Theatre over 100% audience capacity, which is unprecedented in the history of Takarazuka. We are very grateful to her for working so hard in such a dainty body,” he said, praising her as the Top Star who promoted ‘the Takarazuka of the New Century’. Asumi smiled, saying “It’s not just because of my efforts. I’ll pass that message on to the rest of the girls in the troupe.”

Asumi is from Shizuoka. She had her debut in the 15th year of Heisei [2003], and was assigned to Moon Troupe. She quickly attracted attention due to her handsome appearance and high vocal skills, and had her first Bow Hall lead role and junior performance lead role in Heisei 20 [2008]. In Heisei 24 [2012], when her classmate Ryuu Masaki was appointed Top Star, she became ‘demi-Top Star’. She exchanged lead roles in the Grand Theatre with Ryuu during performances.

In Heisei 25 [2013] she was transferred to Flower Troupe. In Heisei 26 [2014] she became Top Star of Flower Troupe. She evolved even further as an otokoyaku. Possessing both a unique dainty, fairylike beauty, as well as the traditional manliness of Flower Troupe, she created a new model for the Takarazuka otokoyaku. In Heisei 27 [2015] she starred in the Revue’s second tour of Taiwan, and last year [2018] the first stage adaptation of The Poe Family was a great success. Soon, in June of this year, she will star in the Revue’s first production in the Yokahama Arena.

As Top Star of Flower Troupe, she declared that the ‘little hard things’ she had experienced “all became put towards the future performances, and helped me become who I am now.” A huge turning point for her was her transfer in Heisei 25. “Leaving Moon Troupe, where I was raised, was really painful,” she said, her voice shaking as tears began to fall. However, immediately afterwards, “when I came to Flower Troupe, and became a Flower Troupe Otokoyaku, being able to work hard since I thought ‘I need to become a performer who isn’t an embarrassment as Top Star of Flower Troupe’...” She wiped her tears again and looked upwards. “I think that was the happiest thing in my Takarazuka life,” she said.

During her time as ‘demi-Top’ of Moon Troupe, she performed alternate lead roles in the Grand Theatre. “I was able to approach the same show from multiple angles. And since I worked so hard then, I gained the inner strength to be able to feel like any little thing was alright,” she said. She said she also was able to experience how great then-Moon Troupe Top Star Ryuu was. “I’m really grateful to her,” she said.

After her retirement, she said “I will have to look for a job. Since otherwise I won’t be able live,” she said with a laugh. “I don’t have a license, so I would like to go to driving school,” she said with a smile. Upon being asked the customary question about whether she had plans to marry, she burst into a smile. “I don’t have any knowledge on that front yet.”

It turns out that some time ago, she had a palm reading done in Taiwan. “They told me that I had a lot of marriage lines. But I think that since I had so many wives [performance partners] in Takarazuka, I must have used them all up.” She smiled thinking back on the 4 performance partners she has had in her time as Top Star: Ranno Hana, Kano Maria, Senna, and Hana Yuuki.

Finally, she addressed her fans, saying “Since all of you were there, I was able to do my best to become a wonderful otokoyaku and try to show you different sides of myself. I’m full of gratitude.”

Her retirement performance will be A Fairy Tale—Spirit of the Blue Rose (writer/director: Ueda Keiko) / CHARME! (creator/director: Inaba Daichi). The performance will run in the Takarazuka Grand Theatre from August 23 to September 30, and in the Tokyo Takarazuka Theatre from October 18 to November 24.

#takarazuka #article translation #troupe: hana #sienne: asumi rio

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cynthiajayusa · 6 years

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What’s Hot South Florida: July 26 – Aug 1

Thursday, July 26

The MDGLCC presents “Digital Media Strategies for Brand Growth EXPOsure Networking Luncheon” from 11:30am – 1:30pm at Hialeah Park Casino & Racing (2200 East 4th Avenue, Hialeah). The luncheon will feature a presentation and panel discussion by esteem professionals in the fields of Marketing, Events, Entertainment, Print, Radio, & Entrepreneurship. Don’t miss out the opportunity to hear their advice and best practices to make the most of your Digital Media strategy and efforts. Registration, Networking & Expo are from 11:30am – 12pm; Panel Discussion & Lunch 12pm – 1:30pm; Networking & Expo open once again from 1:30pm – 2pm. Lunch is $35 for members and $45 for future members and there are 20 expo spaces available for chamber members, which is $75 including Lunch.

Starting today and going through Sunday (July 29), My Tropixxx presents their monthly “Ruby Member Sale,” where Ruby Members get 40% off. For more info call them at 954-522-5988.

Stonewall National Museum – Wilton Manors (2157 Wilton Drive) presents the film Paragraph 175 at 6 pm. Weimar, Germany was a homosexual Eden in the 1920s: gay and lesbian nightclubs and magazines flourished, the first homosexual rights movement was born…and then the Nazis came to power. Free to attend, with a $5 suggested donation. Refreshments provided courtesy of Barefoot Wine & Bubbly

Friday, July 27

The Museum of Contemporary Art North Miami (MOCA) is pleased to welcome Latin Grammy Award-winning artist Dr. Ed Calle for a special performance as part of its monthly “Jazz at MOCA” series at 8pm. Calle originates from Venezuela and is best known for playing the saxophone, however he is also a talented composer, orchestrator, producer, scholar, and professor at Miami Dade College. Admission is free, but for more info go to: .

Code Blue, the defending GSWS National Masters Champions, invites everyone to the Pub as they present a benefit for them to go back to the World Series to defend their national title. The theme is “Back to the 50’s” and starts at 8pm with a silent auction, a 50/50 raffle and VIP tables for sale.

The Seminole Theatre Players, a cast of local South Florida singers and dancers, will present the show Annie from today until Aug. 5. Annie features equal measures of pluck and positivity, as little orphan Annie charms everyone’s hearts despite a next-to-nothing start in 1930s New York City. She finds a new home and family in billionaire, Oliver Warbucks, his personal secretary, Grace Farrell, and a lovable mutt named Sandy. Performances run Fridays and Saturdays at 8pm, Saturday matinees at 2m, and Sunday matinees at 3pm. To purchase tickets or find out more information, visit or visit the box office (18 North Ave, Homestead, Fla.), open Tuesday through Saturday from noon to 6pm.

Saturday, July 28

ResQMe and Pet Supermarket present “Adoption Day,” for homeless dogs from 12-3pm at 1809 S University Drive, Davie. For more information call 305-970-5970 or go to: Resqmeahomelessdogmission.org.

Georgie’s Alibi/Monkey Bar present special guest DJ Shane Stiel in the main room from 9pm to 3am with no cover.

Adrienne Arsht Center presents WAR at 8pm. WAR is a world-renowned American funk band best known for the hit songs “Spill the Wine,” “Why Can’t We Be Friends?,” “Low Rider,” and many more! WAR’s lively mix of funk, rock, Latin, reggae, jazz and R&B and message of brotherhood and harmony made them one of the greatest bands of all time. The evolution of WAR began in 1969…and WAR has been evolving ever since. Tickets are $39, $49, $59, and $79, and for more info visit: .

The Manor World, with production by Alexey Roude and Jossean Rivera present “ZONE” starring DJ Anne Louise (resident DJ in Brazil) in the #Missionaryofhappiness international tour. The night will feature circuit production, live acts, star dancers and a custom stage design. In the Ivy Dance Room and Patio, Noche Latina Saturdays presents a tribute to Iris Chaconne starring Lana Novva Lanudde, Taina Norell, DJ Larry Larr and sexy Latin Go-Go papi’s. That night they will also be having the farewell party for Jomar King, right before he moves to Orlando. Saturdays at the Manor Complex features NO COVER before midnight.

Sunday, July 29

The Pub presents Lady Fancy’s Gospel Jubilee (after the huge success of last month’s premiere), which is a church of a different kind and features good old fashioned Southern Gospel music at 7 pm.

Monday, July 30

Georgie’s Alibi/Monkey Bar present “Nine Lives”, where Michael Walters celebrates 9 years of Dame Edna’s Broadway Cabaret from 8-10:30 in the Monkey Bar lounge.

Wednesday, August 1

Adrienne Arsht Center presents from today until August 19 at the Carnival Studio Theater. This one-woman tour-de-force performance brings more than 20 Latina women to glorious life on stage by weaving together tales of love, marriage, immigration, and identity through eclectic stories and whimsical song! Tickets are $50, and $55, and for more info go to: Arshtcenter.org.

This is HOT

Stick It! champions the versatility of the humble sticky note with forty projects divided into three categories: Wall Art, Origami, and Decorations. Ideas range from a colorful lampshade to a functional wall calendar; from origami flowers and boxes to a graphic table runner.

Jazz up your cubicle, dorm room, or office by embellishing a wall with: a massive 200+ sticky note octopus, a soothing scene of geometric tiles, a Halloween/Day of the Dead skull, a ruffled peacock, or a threatening rain cloud.

There is a project to suit everyone, and patterns to utilize throughout the year (Valentine’s Day and birthday cards, daisy chains and Christmas holly to name a few . . . ). With easy instructions and step-by-step illustrations, anyone can indulge their creativity, no matter your ability.

Author, Bridget Dove is a creative crafter. She does a wide range of work for books, magazines, and newspapers, from propping sets to writing and illustrating. Stick It! is $12.99 and available at gibbs-smith.com.

source https://hotspotsmagazine.com/2018/07/25/whats-hot-south-florida-july-26-aug-1/ from Hot Spots Magazine https://hotspotsmagazin.blogspot.com/2018/07/whats-hot-south-florida-july-26-aug-1.html

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demitgibbs · 6 years

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What’s Hot South Florida: July 26 – Aug 1

Thursday, July 26

Starting today and going through Sunday (July 29), My Tropixxx presents their monthly “Ruby Member Sale,” where Ruby Members get 40% off. For more info call them at 954-522-5988.

Friday, July 27

Saturday, July 28

ResQMe and Pet Supermarket present “Adoption Day,” for homeless dogs from 12-3pm at 1809 S University Drive, Davie. For more information call 305-970-5970 or go to: Resqmeahomelessdogmission.org.

Georgie’s Alibi/Monkey Bar present special guest DJ Shane Stiel in the main room from 9pm to 3am with no cover.

Sunday, July 29

Monday, July 30

Georgie’s Alibi/Monkey Bar present “Nine Lives”, where Michael Walters celebrates 9 years of Dame Edna’s Broadway Cabaret from 8-10:30 in the Monkey Bar lounge.

Wednesday, August 1

This is HOT

There is a project to suit everyone, and patterns to utilize throughout the year (Valentine’s Day and birthday cards, daisy chains and Christmas holly to name a few … ). With easy instructions and step-by-step illustrations, anyone can indulge their creativity, no matter your ability.

from Hotspots! Magazine https://hotspotsmagazine.com/2018/07/25/whats-hot-south-florida-july-26-aug-1/ from Hot Spots Magazine https://hotspotsmagazine.tumblr.com/post/176265103010

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hotspotsmagazine · 6 years

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What’s Hot South Florida: July 26 – Aug 1

Thursday, July 26

Starting today and going through Sunday (July 29), My Tropixxx presents their monthly “Ruby Member Sale,” where Ruby Members get 40% off. For more info call them at 954-522-5988.

Friday, July 27

Saturday, July 28

ResQMe and Pet Supermarket present “Adoption Day,” for homeless dogs from 12-3pm at 1809 S University Drive, Davie. For more information call 305-970-5970 or go to: Resqmeahomelessdogmission.org.

Georgie’s Alibi/Monkey Bar present special guest DJ Shane Stiel in the main room from 9pm to 3am with no cover.

Sunday, July 29

Monday, July 30

Georgie’s Alibi/Monkey Bar present “Nine Lives”, where Michael Walters celebrates 9 years of Dame Edna’s Broadway Cabaret from 8-10:30 in the Monkey Bar lounge.

Wednesday, August 1

This is HOT

from Hotspots! Magazine https://hotspotsmagazine.com/2018/07/25/whats-hot-south-florida-july-26-aug-1/

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yelenaww · 7 years

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my 2016

A little late for a 2016 reflection, but I'm pretty much late for everything so this doesn't come as a surprise. "Better late than never", they say. 2016 was an interesting one, owing to routines different from peers and the previous years. I recall spending plenty of time on my own during the first half of the year because of my research degree, followed by a contrasting half which comprised of re-learning conversation with company both new and old.

Regardless of fluctuating surroundings in 2016, music remained a close companion. I'm one who rejoices over AUX cables and Spotify Premium, and would very much prefer listening to music in confined spaces- in a car or through headphones. It's funny how our brains are able to retain information as minute as when exactly we discovered an artist, the person who brought us to it, or how we felt at that particular time.

Here are a handful of songs which carry a little something, bringing me back to 2016.

[Future Bass] The Lighthouse And The Whaler - Venice (Louis The Child Remix), Genghis Khan - Miike Snow (Louis The Child Remix)

These songs were recommended by J earlier in the year. I remember struggling through chapter 2 of my thesis, sitting at my glass dining table and demanding for new music. I grew incredibly attached to Louis The Child upon the first listen and up till today, my ears smile at their distinctive playful music. These songs accompanied me to the lab on most mornings, even if it was a mere 10 minute walk door to door, as if to give me a cheery boost before a long dreary day looking at bacteria and mice.

Hackney Marsh - Slow Club

As mentioned earlier, the first half of 2016 was mostly quiet, which taught me to enjoy my own company. I sat on countless train rides to KL in 2016, just because, not that I had any specific liking towards KL itself. The buzzing crowds reminded me of London, with everyone having their own agenda, walking to and fro minding their own business. Being in crowds are refreshing once in awhile, for some reason. It felt strangely freeing, walking around aimlessly and not having to tell anyone my whereabouts. Hackney Marsh reminds me of the comfortable space I found in a quiet cafe one afternoon, where I worked on my thesis till the rain stopped.

UGH! , If I Believe You - The 1975

Matt Healy captures emotion so well through his music, bringing in the unique with his witty, poetic and almost twisted lyrics. B made a passing comment saying that it would be crazy if The 1975 ever came to Malaysia. It was pretty surreal watching The 1975 live together last August, considering how the both of us would always squeal at their songs which made us cry internally since discovering Chocolate on the radio.

From The Stalls - Angus & Julia Stone

Watching this duo perform live changed my initial impression of them back when Q recommended it. It was so beautiful, hearing Julia talk about Angus with such sisterly affection. Their soothing vocals accompany me on quiet days and drives. Conversations with Q throughout the year were both thoughtful and challenging. Through paragraphs of typed words (with sizable pockets of time in between), I found myself struggling to string my words and opinions together for they often seemed poorly formed in comparison to Q's linguistic flair and well-thought replies. Grateful for like-minded friends who patiently walk through difficult concepts, passages and tangled thoughts.

Polygon Dust - Porter Robinson ft Lemaitre

Porter Robinson (Worlds) was a huge part of my 2015-2016. His music, along with Flume's, initiated my growing electronic music gravitation, played often from day to day. Worlds was, in my opinion, a work of art reflecting Porter's interesting, unique character seen from interviews and his album's commentary (which I play continuously when I'm in need of a stress reliever, as silly as that sounds). Polygon Dust reminds me of night drives alone- the best time to be on the road.

White Lie - The Lumineers (Cleopatra)

I've come a long way with The Lumineers. There was such a stark difference between their two albums that it took me a while getting used to Cleopatra, which was a lot more mellow and mature, as if it was time for the little girl in me to grow up. Cleopatra reminds me of car rides with A. We have an unsaid agreement knowing that once in the car, we'd only play songs we both enjoy. She'd transition between Lord Huron, Radical Face and few other old indie favorites of mine, pinching me hard if I ever said I was falling asleep on the wheel.

In Your Atmosphere - John Mayer, Airplane - iKON

John Mayer- always having his way with words and one whom I'd pay to see live; his versatile harmonization sounding so beautiful and effortless. Live at the Nokia Theatre is by far my favorite compilation of his. John Mayer reminds me of warm, airy afternoons in the driveway of IMU- scheduled lunches with people, iced dirty chai latte in hand, surrounded by the smell of coffee. I like the driveway. You could sit there for ages, either hiding away from the crowd or be completely seen when you wanted to, countless conversations with familiar faces. Both of these songs remind me of W, their sad melodies carrying a sense of comfort whenever I feel down. On walks home, we'd talk about anything and everything under the sun- side by side since 2014 and in 2016, 2.5 hours apart. One who saw me at my best and worst, thank you for loving me.

Warm On A Cold Night - HONNE

There's something so mysterious yet calming about Honne's voice. This song takes me back to night swims and time spent preparing dinner in the kitchen back in Covillea. I stumbled upon this hidden gem in a stranger's playlist while washing the dishes and had to put down the sponge to press replay. Since then, my playlists have been peppered with many of his songs. Time in the kitchen always brings back fond memories of having L just across the 21st floor when she was around. Having identical Noxxa's (a pressure cooker) and a habit to clean the kitchen sink because it was a 'therapeutic' thing to do, most people say we're 'two peas in a pod'. Without a doubt, L's one who is irreplaceable.

Calling - Ukiyo

Calling was stolen from J's playlist, to which he immediately confirmed with me after watching my Singapore vlog. Whenever this song comes up, I see the memorized footage of the trip playing in sync with the beat of the song (inevitable, after spending overwhelming amounts of time on it). Video editing was something I picked up on a whim when deciding to do a farewell video for L before she left- what an experience that was. Since then, I've had newfound appreciation toward videos and see them in a whole different light.

M- not many encounter a friendship quite like ours, and I can only say that I'm incredibly blessed to have met a group like M. "Lasting friendships are built not on habits, but on principles." 2016 robbed us of our weekly, (terribly) exclusive hangouts, but I'm proud to say that we've made it through long distance in 2016 with bullet point updates, voice messages and intentional meet ups. Our array of personalities glued by the gospel continue to keep me humble and thankful for friends who are unafraid of transparency and rebuke.

Side To Side- Ariana Grande, Closer- The Chainsmokers, Calling Out- Penguin Prison

October was 'different' in full swing, being sent to Kluang for a month-long hospital posting with people I hardly knew. Nevertheless, it progressed slowly into a highlight of the year thanks to Y, N and K. Seeing them for a solid seven weeks has seen us through countless conversations, understanding each others personalities, quirks and principles. These were their respective favorite songs, played repeatedly in the car.

Y inspires me with her fierce independence, 11/10 initiative character and her appreciation towards friendships. Barely more than yoga acquaintances at first, we got along really well as room mates for a solid month. Immensely grateful for her honesty, I smile remembering the many topics we talked about when we were tucked up in bed- face moisturized, eyelids heavy, guard down.

Whenever Closer came on, K and I would laugh at the synchronized bobbing heads of Y and N. Strangely, N never struck me as an introvert upon first encounter. Yet a true introvert he was, after hearing his sentiments about crowds and alone time, while we sat at the lobby of the dodgy hotel. I value his inquisitive nature and enjoyed bouncing of his "why or how's" every so often.

K surprised me with his music taste followed by his sarcastic humor and thoughtful actions. Responding similarly in most instances and disliking the same things, we got along well through our backseat deejay struggles, salty Hearthstone runs, caffeine/alcohol trips and making unimpressed faces in response to N's 29837 puns. Reserved in most instances, it was a privilege hearing a bigger fraction of his thoughts over time.

No Problem (ft Lil Wayne & 2 Chainz) - Chance The Rapper

This fun song popped up at my sidebar of Spotify's Friend Activity, the album Colouring Book played often by V. Always fascinated by rap, this song started creeping into my playlist somewhere in November. On repeat throughout Melbourne and a little after, W would ask, "Why'd you like this song? It doesn't seem to carry any meaning.", making me stop in my tracks. It dawned upon me that I don't always digest the lyrics of songs which I listen to, or rather, I do it very selectively. Are we what we listen to? If yes, well.

Glorious- Colony House

Hope: - "..This means that a continual looking forward to the eternal world is not (as some modern people think) a form of escapism or wishful thinking, but one of the things a Christian is meant to do.

..Probably earthly pleasures were never meant to satisfy it [desires], but only to arouse it to suggest the real thing. If that is so, I must take care, on the one hand, never to despise, or to be unthankful for, these earthly blessings, and on the other, never to mistake them for the something else of which they are only a kind of copy, or echo, or mirage. I must keep alive in myself the desire for my true country, which I shall not find till after death; I must never let it get snowed under or turned aside; I must make it my main object in life to press on to that other country and to help others do the same."- CS Lewis

Just like all years, my 2016 had its own set of doubts, distractions and stubbornness. Granted, we struggle with the unfavorable circumstances we're thrown at; but over time, we get by, scrape through, adapt. It's a little more tiring to be struggling with Self- our wants, character and human heart which remain fairly constant. Thankful to have those (namely M, S, E) who love me enough to remind me that Home is not here and to struggle alongside me. Immensely grateful for the gospel which sustains and is still able to bring tears to my eyes when it makes sense, regardless of any situation I'm in.

Thank you for being so colourful, 2016.

#wordy

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