#don't mind me sometimes you just need to vent a lil because you're tired and overwhelmed and depressed | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

rooklinensinker · 27 days

Text

THIS IS BY NO MEANS GOOD

I'm just one of those people that...

*cringe*

write songs to vent about things. I usually forget about them which is kinda sad honestly. But looking at them piled up, I realised "oh damn i have a tumblr and nobody cares if you're cringe on tumblr!" so i decided to post them here if not just to keep them safe somewhere.

Like it or not, I'm kinda proud that I made something.

Sometimes that itself is enough to make me feel better about things.

I've always had trouble with either executive dysfunction or just not being able to balance time. But because work is a duty I couldn't just take my mind off it, even when I did nothing for days on end. I wouldn't do basic chores because I needed to do this first. But I never moved. And then the deadlines would come and I'd panic and break down again. And then I'd work all at once, not eating nor resting until I could finally catch up. I never did. Even when my work was finished it never felt like the race truly was. Even now, years later, I feel the same. It's maddening like you're not truly growing up, if such a thing is even real. Because you keep having the same problems over and over.

Anyways, here's a song about working.

Lyrics:

I hunger no longer cuz the longer I hunger

The more I forget I exist

Something always feels so amiss

Let's not think about this, there's no time

The longer I try to focus, the more my brain just tries to escape

Why am I stuck in this place?

Wish I could send myself into space.

Building my castle of trash with the moths as my witness

Can't think of future or past

Cuz that shit's too serious

I do not know the time or date but I know my deadline's soon

I cannot afford to eat

till I finish this one bit

I may stay awake till I hallucinate

But isn't this just the creative process?

All my friends can do it so I guess

that makes me just that ✨useless✨

I may faint and dissociate

But at least I gotta stay awake

I am working right now

I am working somehow

And it's working working working

Next morning I wake up and it leaves me stunned

My work looks like shit and needs to be redone

That was not in the plan. Fuck!

"What do I care? Let me just sleep!"

...

Sleeping feels so tiring

So is being alive, weeping in the shower

I promised this would be the last time

but I can never keep it.

My nose bleeds and head aches.

I'm aware of all my mistakes.

Procrastination raised the stakes

which is why I keep working working working

I may complain

"Hustle the pain away"

"There's bigger fish in the sea"

That's what I aim to be

But I'm drowning drowning drowning

--------space for a lil mental breakdown------------

Why feed a machine that doesn't work?

So I work to eat, but I can't think anymore

I work till my eyes give up seeing

I work so I forget my own being

Everybody seems like a fucking prodigy

while I'm wasting my time being good ol' mediocre me

If I can't keep up, I'll be left in their dust

----- more mentally ill activity---------

Work is done...

Yay! 🎉

I can take the day off today. ☺️

✨And proceed to do nothing for the next 5 months!👀✨

...

I can't do anything but think I should be working.

"Why have fun, when I should be working?"

"You're gonna die so don't ask why and start working!"

Leave my mark in the market of labour

My only worth is the work you savour

I hope it's worth it so I better get working.

....

Why ain't I working? working working

I have to keep working working working

I can't move but I need to keep working working working

I'll die if I'm not working working working

paralysed from my work, but I need to get working

I'm too tired to work yet I can't forget

that I should be working.

Guess what I should be doing right now 😃✨

#vent #songwriting #adult adhd #cringe #original song #sorry i cant sing nor play guitar properly even after like 7 years of lessons im sorry mr joca my teacher 😭😭😭

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brotherlysuggestion · 1 year

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hey older bro, i don't know if you're even active anymore but... i don't even know what my issue is or what i want to hear to be honest. i'm just really tired. my irl older brother is an asshole and he's trying to drag me to yet another "party" where he gets to parade me around like a zoo animal while all his friends laugh at me cause i'm weird and gay and alt and i don't get social queues and i just really wish he would stop.

but i love him, and i'm willing to do whatever i can to be around him. so i'm obviously gonna go. idk i just wish things were different.

sorry for bothering you

- a tired little sister

First of all, you’re not bothering me at all! None of my lil sibs could ever bother me by needing a place to vent or asking for advice, I promise. 💖

Secondly, onto your actual message… (Using a readmore because we all know I’m long winded, lol).

More than anything, I’m just so sorry to hear that you’re being treated like this. If someone is going to parade you around, you’d deserve for it to be because they think you’re so cool that they can’t help but want to show off to others how amazing their little sister is (and also done with your consent to being shown off, of course). There’s nothing laughable about you being different; if anything, it’s cool how despite (presumably) being raised in the same home, you and your older brother have such different aesthetics and ways of expressing yourselves! That should be celebrated and appreciated, not laughed at or belittled.

I could go on to say how this isn’t right and your brother isn’t treating you with the same love that you clearly hold for him, or how you should put your foot down. I don’t want to be pressuring or pushy though (clearly you have enough of that already), so I won’t go on any tangents without you expressly asking for it.

I will ask you to think about if this kind of relationship is sustainable for you, though. Sometimes loving someone has to include boundaries not only for your own sake, but for the sake of the relationship’s integrity. “I love you, so I won’t let you treat me in a way that makes me resent you”. “I love you, so I won’t stand by and let you go down a bad path in life without speaking my mind”. “I love you, so while you figure yourself out I’m going to give you space to avoid permanently damaging my opinion of you”.

Obviously you should do, or not do, things for your own sake! You deserve to be protected and cherished, and your older brother isn’t being a good big brother (or person, really) by encouraging situations that demean you. But sometimes for myself I’ve noticed that it’s easier for me to set boundaries when I keep in mind that ultimately, setting healthy boundaries mean you’re invested in that relationship enough to try and make it work! Healthy boundaries mean that you’re looking for longterm sustainability, and that’s as much of a declaration of love as anything! It’s tough when other people don’t always share the same view, but maybe remembering this for yourself can make you more confident in your right to have boundaries and limits?

No matter what conclusion you come to from this, or how you decide to move forward, I hope that you can take some reprieve in the fact that this isn’t a permanent life stage, most likely. I hope that I’m not assuming too much by thinking that you two might still be high school aged, or maybe barely in college? If I’m right, then honestly even if your brother stays an asshole, the people around him will find it less and less entertaining, most likely. Which will give him less and less reason to do it.

Tbh, on a college campus I wouldn’t even blink twice if I saw someone in full EDM Rave attire or an entire Victorian hoop skirt dress and corset. Eventually in life, most well adjusted people get to a point where weirdness becomes less of a “laughing at you” thing and more of an “admiration from afar, and I’m actually a little bit delighted when I see you despite never having spoken to you” type thing… At least in my experience. (Shout out to my old campus’s student that looked straight up like a modernized Rasputin. Or that guy who took a longboard everywhere. You made my days brighter). This isn’t an incentive to put up with it to “try and stick it out” though!! But it is a reassurance to maybe help you emotionally deal with this behavior and any potential resulting conflict.

Also, I’m sure you already know this stuff, but I’d be a bad older brother if I didn’t at least make note of it: Please try to stay safe at any parties you’re going to! Exercise safety and caution even around people that your older brother seems to trust; you don’t know who someone is behind closed doors, especially if they’re already prone to jerk behavior. There’s a lot of really good resources online for staying safe at parties, but I’ll link a few just for your leisurely-skimming pleasure.

(Tw that most of these mention or discuss alcohol, drugs, accidental overdoses, and/or sexual assault).

UCDavis’s SafeParty Resource Guide. This is my absolute favorite and is very comprehensive. It’s basically a directory where you can click on whatever is applicable to you, or that you’d like to learn more about. I recommend their Ready To Party page (for tips before, during, and during a party), First Time Drinking page (tips and advice that’s good for even experienced partiers imo!), and How to be an Upstander (tips on how to approach advocating for yourself and others in the worst case scenario)

Teen Vogue’s Prom Afterparty Guide. aimed towards hosts and first time partiers, but still has good advice! Especially about potential overdoses.

Teen Vogue’s Spring Break Tips. There’s a lot of advice about traveling, but they have good tips about safety precautions like avoiding coercion, buddy systems, and keeping your phone charged!

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