#doesn't matter now but SERIOUSLY... I'm.. so tired.. of people telling me im crazy when i tell them | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

neo-culture-mafia · 5 years

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Chest Fire (l.dh)

Warnings: |Strong Themes| |Triggering Themes|

Summary: He wasn't the same. No one was, really. But, especially him...Donghyuck. He lost you and can't bear feeling sober anymore. He needed to be numb so he didn't feel himself and get lost in his own mind. But the guys are getting tired of watching Donghyuck drink away his money--but the damage had already been done.

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Donghyuck stumbled the now home feeling club where sweaty bodies pressed against each other and peach scented vodka drifted through the humid and sticky air.

The alcohol was making his fingers turn into fire as his toes curled in his combat boots. Another random girl walked up to offer him a dance, but he turned her away already knowing that she couldn't move like you. You were special, and no whore at the club could compare to you, yet he still came crawling back here for the simple fact he couldn't crawl back into bed with you.

He was lost and needed help because his heart was losing its sense of direction. The booming of the bass vibrated through his shoes as his fingers curled into his palm. He needed to stay balanced and he was finding it harder with every passing minute.

He lousily made his way over to a bar stool, not wasting a second before sitting down. "Anoth-" Hyuck was cut off by the bartender. "Im sorry buddy, I'm cutting you off. You've had way too much to drink tonight." He said and Donghyuck was just sitting there, his mouth wide open in shock.

"I am...You-you should..." He slurred over his words, trying to at least get 5 more drinks out of the bartender he now deemed as a friend. Yet, this guy saw himself as Hyuck's friend too, and friends don't let each other kill themselves by drinking their pain away...even though it might help.

Yet, the raging fire in Hyuck's chest only became more apparent at the sudden news of his cut off.

"I think it's time I call Mark, Hyuck. It's time to go home." The bartender said grabbing his phone from his back pocket; and like a cherry bomb...Hyuck exploded.

"No." He slammed his fists on the bar like a 5 year old. "No no no." He repeatedly said slamming his hands down. "Give me more. You're not my father." Donghyuck said and the bartender just sighed and felt pity at the sight.

Stares were coming from each direction as the man gave in to Donghyuck's wants for more liquor. Hyuck sat down, drinking his beer through a straw because he had read somewhere that women liked 'sophisticated' men. Yet, even after 20 minutes of him sitting there sipping his bitter liquid through a neon yellow bendy straw, he finally gave up when he was now drinking air through the endless loops of the bendy plastic.

Even if someone came over and talked to him, he knows he could never take them home to where you used to lay; where you and him had pillowtalks; where you and him did things that only the moon kept secret. It would never be the same...no matter what girl came skipping along.

This was his last resort on trying to cap the memories he had with you. The alcohol was no match for his loneliness though, and it was starting to show. "Hey buddy, you good?" The bartender asked, putting a hand on Hyuck's shoulder. "Uh yeah...totally." Donghyuck chuckled. He turned to face the other man again. "How much is my tab?" Hyuck asked as he grabbed his wallet.

"Why? Usually you pay after 2 weeks." The guy said as he dried a glass lazily. "Not this time my man." Hyuck said fooling around with his wallet. "No, seriously. It's fine." The bartender said going into a folder and ripping up pieces of paper that were labeled as receipts.

"I was gonna pay!" Hyuck said getting defensive. "No...I promise it's fine." The bartender said and Hyuck groaned as he still slipped a 100 out and gave it the worker. "For all the trouble I caused." He said and the man just grabbed it hesitantly. "Thank you?" He questioned, but Hyuck was already out the door with another beer in his ring adorned hand.

He stumbled in a literal circle for 20 minutes. "Hyuck." He heard someone call. It sounded like you. He immediately stopped and looked at the beer. "Hyuck!" Someone screamed this time. "Y/n?" He called out, turning around now. His heard was whooshing with all the passing traffic; all the bright city lights blending together. The fire on his chest wanting to grow more and more at the such sweet sound.

"Y/n!" He yelled and the people passing him gave dirty looks but he was trying to find you. "Hyuck." Someone grabbed him from behind. He whirled around and was met eye to eye...with Jaemin. "...y/n..." is all that Hyuck muttered to himself.

"No. It's Jaemin." Jaemin reassured and the delirious boy could only nod, meaning he could understand him. "It's time to go home now." Jaemin said holding Hyuck's arm and leading him to a car.

"Can we go to y/n's place?" Hyuck asked like a five year old who just lost his favorite toy. Jaemin opened the passenger door and helped the boy in.

You and Jaemin were twins. You were siblings but acted like best friends, so naturally when you and Hyuck started dating, the three of you became family. So seeing Hyuck so hung up about you leaving him...it hurts Jaemin too.

"I don't think that's a good idea, buddy." Jaemin sighed, buckling his best friend up. "Please. I need to see her." Hyuck gripped Jaemin's hand. "Please." He choked out, tears ready to spill at any moment.

Jaemin removed his hand and groaned; slamming the door with such a force that it rocked the car a little.

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"We're here." Jaemin braked hardly infront of the homes for you and what seemed like a million other people. Hyuck was jolted awake, but he was still thankful for the hour trip Jaemin made.

Jaemin just looked out his window and sulked like a pouty baby. Hyuck had sobered up a little and he was able to control himself and his own body.

He hopped out of the car and walked the short way to the gate. He opened the small gate and walked up the foot path to your house. The walking distance felt like muscle memory as he recognized the familiar feeling.

He was then met with the glimmering marble stuck in the ground. He stared at your engraved name in the ground. He just sighed, falling to his knees. "...hey baby..." He said sitting on his bottom and crossing his legs so he sat like a kindergartener in class.

"I miss you." He sighed again, tracing hearts next to your name. "Jaemin misses you...he's just...scared to come visit you..." Hyuck said looking back to the boy sitting in the car. Even in the complete darkness of night, anyone could see Jaemin's body shake with sobs. The light behind him made it look like a shillouete. It was absolutely beautiful yet heartbreaking.

Yet his body straightened again and you could see Jaemin light a cigarette quickly.

Donghyuck looked back down to you. "Jaemin started smoking again." He sighed and picked at the weeds growing around your headstone. "Renjun doesn't come out of his room except for missions." He said and recalled what the others were doing.

"I caught Jisung in your room, trying to talk to you...he's been a mess." Hyuck told of the younger boy, totally lost with the fact you aren't around anymore. "And...we're just all...really sorry it happened like this."

You died in a mission gone wrong. You had the option of staying in the truck with Chenle, or accompying Hyuck and Jaemin into the warehouse where Jeno, Renjun, and Jisung were working undercover. You all didn't hear the man sneaking up behind you, and when you did...it was too late.

Hyuck was twirling his engagement ring around his finger. "This is useless." He said and took it off, setting it right next to yours that was locked in marble forever. He leaned back and looked at the stars. They were so bright that night. It was crazy. "...let me let you go already..." He mumbled as he watched a star fizzle out completely.

"I love you." Hyuck said leaning down and kissing your stone sweetly. "...wait for me..." He said as he got up and walking away back to the car. He hopped in, now completely sober after the experience.

"Ready?" Your brother asked, ready to speed away from this place that held you imprisoned. "Yeah...I'm ready." Hyuck said and they zoomed away as if they were still threatened by the attacker that took you.

"..soon enough..." Hyuck whispered to himself, setting his chin in his hand and looking into the city. "...soon enough..." He closed his eyes.

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THE NEXT DAY

Hyuck didn't sleep at night, literally. He sat up on the rug the whole night, afraid of the harsh reality that once he opened his bedroom door, you wouldn't be there. He knew you weren't there, he just doesn't want to accept it.

You both were so strong and had so many plans for the future. You both wanted kids, a home, a life...and it was all down the drain now.

It was just getting harder to live everyday when his every breath felt like a gunshot to the chest. His mind was a bomb, and it was going off every time he is reminded of you and the way you used to tell him it was okay.

"You fucker." Jaemin yelled as he shot the man down quickly. Hyuck dropped his gun and grabbed you as you began to drop.

"Chenle, get 127 unit down here, man down." Jaemin called and Hyuck was still frozen in shock, yet the bullet stuck in your neck made him snap in and out of this icy trance.

"Come on, you got this. Keep your eyes open." Hyuck said taking off his bandana and getting ready to wrap it around your throat so it can stop the bleeding. Yet, you wouldn't be able to breath . Him and Jaemin realised this at the same time, as your eyes became icy and pale. You were dying. You realised this too. It would be a painful and gruesome way to go, but it was happening.

"It's okay." You motioned with your mouth, the hole in your throat, not letting you speak. The look on your fiancés face would haunt you to the other side. He looked so...scared. "It's okay. I'm here." You mouthed again and touched his cheek. He just looked down at you as you took your final breath. Jaemin hasn't told anyone yet, but he was so ready to pop one on himself in that very moment, yet he was so convinced this was a dream that all he did was stare down at your cold and pale face.

Jaemin woke up the next morning and wished he didn't. Hyuck didn't sleep till the next night; he was too afraid of the dark and the thoughts that would cloud his mind once he was alone, wanting to be with you.

Hyuck was now laying in a baby position, holding his legs close to his chest. The knocking on the door brought him out of his dark thoughts. "Open." He mumbled and the door opened to Jaemin.

"Dude...we've been at training for an hour now." He said and all Hyuck did was nod, understanding what he was saying. "Sorry?" He yawned and Jaemin slumped at his friends expression.

He sat down next to his laying position.

It was pure silence until it was sliced by Hyuck's heartbreaking confession. "It hurts." He said, and Jaemin didn't have to be a genius to figure out what he was talking about. "I know...i know." He said putting his hand on Donghyuck's shoulder. "It hurts so much." Hyuck cried, curling up into a tighter ball.

The firey feeling in Hyuck's chest was like never before. It felt so much different as your literal other half held him as he cried like a child.

The burning was unbearable as his eyes screwed shut in pure agony. Jaemin couldn't help the tears from pouring either. Sitting on the ground in yours and Hyuck's apartment was all too real. It was too real you weren't here anymore.

Hyuck finally calmed down and looked to his friend. "...please...please end this..." He begged and Jaemin couldn't yell at him. He wanted to end this pain too. The bottle of aspirin wasn't doing anything anymore. It all hurt too much for any medication to numb it.

"...I'm...not going to kill you..." Jaemin breathed, the words falling out of his mouth. "...please..." Hyuck became desperate to make the raging in his chest and head stop.

"I'm...no." Jaemin said standing up now, leaving Hyuck on the floor. "It hurts...I know...It hurts like hell. But, you can't give up now. She wouldn't be happy with this..." Jaemin started getting into his own mind.

He had been so long without one of your hugs or seeing you smile at his surprise tickle attacks.

"I...I know it seems like the only way. I know that." Jaemin said pulling at his hair.

"Because it is." Hyuck bursted through the air, throwing the TV remote at the wall. It ended up hitting the vase and made it shatter into a million little pieces.

"I'm tired! I'm tired of coming home alone! I could lie, and say it's okay and that I like it that way, but I don't!" Hyuck screamed, kicking things around to get his point across.

"It feels as if I'll never be happy again, and at this point I don't care. I just want this..." Hyuck said pointing to himself and all around the room. "this....I want this to end..."

They were left together in the quiet room, the only sound being their breathing. They could only look at each other at a time like this.

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"I just don't know what to say anymore." Mark sighed as he ran a hand through his disheveled hair. They were all in practice, and Jaemin had left about an hour ago to find Donghyuck.

"None of us do." Renjun mumbled, twisting his leather bracelet around his wrist.

"He's gonna end up killing himself if we don't do something." Mark said what everyone was thinking. "We just need to get him out of the house." Mark finished as he grabbed his jacket.

"No...we should let him be alone...he'll just be aggressive if we tell him to move on." Jisung finally piped in, trying to get everyone to turn around and leave Hyuck alone.

"Jaemin has it...it will be okay." Jisung said, more of assuring himself than anyone else.

Everyone looked at each other in silence, even though they knew it wouldn't be okay...ever.

"...okay..." Mark said dropping his jacket and walking back over slowly.

"...30 pushups..." Mark said and the Junior Forces hit the ground, their worry and fear going into the performance they were all wearing on their face.

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"...i'm cold..." Jaemin muttered and Hyuck could only nod, the tears falling down into the blue water. "...me too..." He muttered.

He held Jaemin close to his chest, the water sloshing over the sides a little bit. "...it's going to be okay..." Jaemin reassured Hyuck, but also himself. "...i know..." was all that was muttered from the slightly older boy.

"...thank you..." was the last thing said by Hyuck before he grabbed Jaemin's hand. He closed his eyes as the banging and yells from the front door began to get more violent, the rest of the units trying to get to them. Yet, they were in the bathroom and no one could make it to them in time. It was already over.

Jaemin gripped Hyuck's hand one more time as he felt everything become still, shuttering in the cold water that entrapped both of their bodies. Both of their eyes closing, and the raging fire in their chests finally stopped....

...everything stopped...

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I honestly think this is the worst thing I have ever written, to be completely honest.

I might do a couple time stamps for what happens after...but...yeah. I hope you enjoyed it, and sorry in advance if I made you cry.

Love,

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