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#do you have a plan to subsidize food prices so I can afford to eat vegetarian?
medicinemane · 9 months
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You know, at this point I'm highly skeptical of things where people have a single simple solution to large scale problems that just calls for doing exactly what they think needs to be done and then everything is fixed
#today this is about a graph I just saw showing how we'd barely have to use any land compared to what we use now#if we just all went vegan#not only would less land be used for grazing; but it would also take less land to grow all the food we need to eat than we're using now#(which now that I say that I realize that seems extra nutty)#ok... so here's the problem... when you present me that good of a solution with that kind of margins...#well I really start to doubt someone isn't fudging some numbers somewhere or making gross assumptions#and not to pull a whataboutism with this but like... for real... what about the people who physically can't eat a vegan diet?#and then the practical question of cool; you're magically right... how do we get this adopted?#and what about food prices; people can swear up and down all day it's cheaper to eat health vegan food#but I have trouble keeping the pantry stocked even with meat; and I find I need to eat more with vegetarian stuff#and I'll be blunt; I point blank refuse to go vegan cause while I could maybe cut out meat#we're not even talking me being sad or something; I straight up couldn't get enough to eat without eggs and dairy#and keep in mind; I pretty much never do fast food or anything; it's more or less all made from ingredients at home#so like... magic of your chart aside where I find it's suspect#do you have a plan to subsidize food prices so I can afford to eat vegetarian?#do you have plans in place for how to look after people who physically can't go vegan?#or do you just have a fuzzy feeling about making this happen and therefore it'll just work if we'd only do it#(I'll say it again; you want to stop animals from being slaughtered to be eaten; develop high quality lab grown meat)#(cause surely the problem with people eating meat is the land use and that something has to die)#(surely you're not just being smug about a type of food being morally wrong even if all suffering could be removed from it)#(and I will switch to lab grown meat in an instant if it's price competitive and... 80% as good as good quality meat is)#anyway... this is just one example; there's a lot of stuff where it's like...#you take a simplistic view of the world and say 'just conform to my ideals already'#but you refuse to address any of the root underlying causes while representing your position as the only morally right one#sorry; we live in the real world which often means complex systems are at work#and you can be as right as you want; it won't make things better unless you actually address the causes of why things are how they are#unless you address why people do stuff like eat meat (hungry)#and unless you acknowledge stuff like that US vegans have in the past outbid people in other countries for their staple crops#cause they wanted to feel good about it; but now it means these people are becoming food insecure#or shit like how agave is being over harvested cause people don't want to eat honey despite the bees being fine...
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Chapter Seven: The Land of Solomon.
Summary: Gedonelune, the prestigious royal magic academy is waiting just for you! The door has opened a whole new world of possibilities for your future. For the next thirteen days you’ll be undergoing the provisional trial to see if you have what it takes to become an official student. Along the way you’ll be meeting new faces and going on exciting new adventures. But be warned, shadows are being cast on the land, if you dive to deep, you may find yourself being swallowed up by the chaos. Your journey begins now, will you be able to banish the darkness? 
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
Chapter 5
Chapter 6
The first thing we had done after stepping off the train was to go and find the nearest clothing shops and produce stands to stock up a little. I had managed to carry a peram with me and since we didn’t pack any clothes or even any food, Lily thought it was a good idea to get those things checked off before we find an Inn and rest up before our search for the night. 
I felt bad having Lily pay for most of the stuff, but she kept telling me that it was fine and that she had more than enough money to suffice for our trip. We ended up buying a couple of outfits each and a bit of food and bottled water. Afterwards, we roamed the street in search of an Inn. We had tried multiple times to talk to people and get directions, but they always remained silent or took off running in a completely different direction.
“I wonder why the people here are so scared?”
“Hmm, I think Felix told me that this is just how the people in this place are.”
“Really?”
“Yeah. Felix mentioned that he had been here once for something important and that people here don’t trust outsiders. You have to earn their trust before they open up to you.” 
“This really complicates things then.” I sighed. “Does this also mean that we won’t be having a place to stay and rest up?”
“I think we can still get a room. The owners of the other shops still allowed us to go in and purchase what we needed. I don’t think this will be any different. But I can’t say that it’ll be easy to find an Inn.”
We continued on with our search for nearly half an hour before we finally managed to find one, however, when we inquired out about room availability, we were told there was only one room left. I was a little hesitant at first but after Lily had paid for it and we got inside, my entire thoughts changed. It was rather big and there was a queen-sized bed along with a metal sofa daybed next to it. We had all the amenities we needed and for a reasonable price.
“This place is really nice.” Lily spoke happily as she pulled back on the curtains of what appeared to be a glass sliding door which led to a small but cozy balcony. Her eyes lit up as she pulled the curtains back the rest of the way before practically pressing her face against the glass. “What a pretty view!”
I walked over to stand at her side before peering down at the street below. The street was bustling with friendly faces, something that was completely different from what we saw while we were walking down the streets. Once I had my fill of the view, I backtracked back to the bed where I sat on the edge of it before grabbing out my peram.
“Lily? Is there something you want to eat?”
“Not really.” She smiled as she came over. “I don’t really eat a lot anyways.”
“Huh?”
“Well, this is going to sound strange but, I think I get more energy whenever I’m outside in the sun or surrounded by nature than I would if I had a snack or a meal.”
“I see…” 
Huh...I never knew about that. It seems there’s still so much I don’t know about Lily. Maybe now would be a good time to ask some questions?
“Hey...Lily?”
“Yeah?”
“We’ve never really been able to sit down and talk like this, so is it okay if I ask some questions?”
“Go right ahead, I’ll answer them the best I can.” She smiled.
“Well...where are you from?”
“Hmm….good question. I-I don’t really know. All I know is that it was very pretty and filled with nature, it was nothing like the places I’ve seen. We never had transportation or technology offered to us like there is here.”
“What about your family?”
“I can’t really remember them either, but when I think about them, I get this really warm feeling in my heart. I know they were kind people, I...wish I could remember their faces.”
“Okay, last question….how did you end up in Gedonelune?”
“I can’t remember that either. I just remember waking up in a forest with a bunch of really pretty pink rabbit creatures. I know somebody found me but...I...I can’t remember who. I want to remember so badly, but every time I try to search for the memories, I draw up a blank. It’s like looking into a fogged-up glass. The memory is there, but I can’t see it well enough to know what it is…”
“Lily. I’m sorry.”
“No need for apologies. One day it’ll come to me, it has to! Until then, I’m content with the memories I have with me right now. The ones I’ve made up until this point.” I watched as she stretched her arms above her head and then smiled at me. “Maybe now is a good time to go to sleep? We haven’t had any rest and the moon will be rising soon. Getting a little bit of rest will be necessary for our search.”
“You’re right but uh...are you sure you want to sleep on the daybed? It’s a bit small and it looks like it might be rather uncomfortable. I don’t mind sharing the bed with you.”
The words came out before I had time to process what I had even just said. When I finally realized though, I could feel my cheeks burn brightly, prompting Lily to chuckle.
“Would that be appropriate though?” She asked curiously.
When she saw my eyes widen she quickly waved her hands in her face wildly. “Ah, let me please clarify. I have no intention of getting intimate with you if that’s what you might be thinking. I have no desire or need for that kind of thing. What I mean is that people share beds when they are a couple, right? Is it really okay if I share the bed with you if we’re not one?”
“I…”
“I want you to be comfortable, so please don’t worry about me, I’ll be alright.” 
She gave me a sweet smile and a pat on my head before going over to the daybed to lay down. I too had slipped into the covers of my own bed but I couldn’t sleep right away. I had a lot of thoughts running through my head causing me to toss and turn every time I thought I could get comfortable. After a while, those thoughts subsided and I was finally able to fall into a well-rested slumber.
It was around eight at night by the time I had woke up and gotten ready for travel. Lily had the map in her hand that was recently sent to us by Beckford. There was a red circle in the Northeast, indicating the location of the flower we were in search of. 
There was hardly anyone in the streets around this time, in fact, most of the stores were closed up for the night, making way for a rather eerie setting. The worst part of it all was that I could have sworn someone was watching us. Every now and then I would glance over my shoulder just to make sure and even though I never saw anything, I still couldn’t shake the feeling.
“Hm, we must be getting close.” Lily had her face buried in the map and looked up to see that we were getting closer to a field of flowers. 
“I hope so, we’ve been walking for at least a couple of hours now.” I pointed out.
“Are you getting tired? Maybe we should take a break?”
I shook my head. “I’m fine right now, plus we can’t exactly afford to take a break right now. The nights aren’t as long as the days.”
“I understand but...please don’t overwork yourself. If you start feeling tired let me know.”
**********
We continued to search and search and nothing matching the description we were given had been found. At this point, Lily and I had taken the chance for a quick break as we tried thinking up a plan.
“We could split up.” She suggested.
“But what if something happens? This field looks like it goes on forever. We might get lost in here.”
Lily sighed. “I suppose you’re right.”
“Did Beckford mention anything else about the flower? Other than the petals?”
“Well, in the note attached to the map he pointed out that the flower resembles a daisy.”
“Wait, didn’t we pass by a field of daisies?”
Lily gasped. “You’re right! Maybe the flower is hidden among them.”
I quickly got up and brushed myself off before helping Lily to her feet. “Looks like we know where we need to go.”
Lily nodded. “Yep!”
Careful not to ruin any of the flowers, we skillfully navigated our way back to the field of daisies that we had passed by. Upon closer inspection, we noticed something that was off about them.
“Hey, Lily, check it out.”
“Hm? H-Huh?!”
The daisies that bloomed before us all had shimmering, almost translucent petals that danced in the soft breeze that blew by.
“They’re all like this?! H-How did we not see this before?”
“Maybe it only happens at a certain time of the night? I could have sworn they weren’t like this before. Or perhaps they were? I never really paid attention.”
Without even missing a beat, Lily gently leaned down and plucked a few from the ground. “I can’t believe it. We have the flowers we need to wake the others up!”
“Yeah….”
Lily tilted her head. “Is something wrong?”
“Well, I hate to bring this up but don’t you think this was a little *too* easy?”
“What do you mean?”
“Beckford told us that finding the flower wouldn’t be easy and that it could get dangerous. Don’t you think it’s weird how easily we found the flower and that we didn’t even encounter any obstacles along the way?”
I watched as Lily looked at me and then down at the flowers. Her whole demeanor had changed and it seemed that she was hit with a sudden realization.
“No...n-no this...you’re not saying that this was a set-up are you?” 
The daisies dropped from her hands and gently landed among the others. Around that time a shadow came from the ground and landed behind us. The person in question was cloaked in dark full-body robes but despite that, I could see a sinister smile.
“Well now, aren’t you just smart?”
I quickly moved in front of Lily and drew my wand out. “Who are you?”
“My name doesn’t matter, what matters is that you’ve stuck your nose someplace where it doesn’t belong. Now, you must suffer the consequences.” 
The man held up his hand as a ball of swirling shadows began to grow. This...was dark magic in its most potent form. I knew that my magic was no match for it; there was only one thing left to do.
“Run!” 
I quickly spun around and took Lily’s hand before dragging her along the flower field. We narrowly managed to avoid a few of his attacks so far but this one managed to clip me in the leg, sending me falling forward and tumbling down the hill. I only stopped when my body came into contact with a small wall of rock which later turned out to be a cave hidden behind the vegetation. Lily had ran after me and quickly carried me inside to hide from our attacker. She was doing her best to stay calm, but when she noticed the cuts and blood she was beginning to tear up.
“I’m so sorry….y-you shouldn’t have come.”
“Don’t worry, I’ll be alright, I still have my…wand...” I pulled out what was once my wand, but now it was nothing more than broken pieces in the palm of my hand.
Well...this was going to make things harder on us….
“Your wand!”
“Don’t worry about it, I’m still able to nngh!” I had tried to get myself up to my feet, but fell right back down to the ground in pain. My ankle was throbbing from the tumble I had, in fact, my whole body was beginning to hurt.
To make matters worse, I could hear footsteps coming closer to us until the figure from before sent a blast our way, sending rocks and debris flying in all kinds of directions. 
“Now this is just a pitiful sight to see.” The man laughed. “You two really are pathetic. You can’t even use your magic.” The man looked at me. “...and you had none to begin with.” He then turned his attention to Lily. “Why don’t you two amuse me for a little bit and beg me to spare your life? Hell, maybe I’ll even give you a chance to run away once more before I finish you off, I’ll even give you a head start, what do you say?”
“I say to stick that idea where the sun doesn’t shine.” I sputtered out at him which caused him to glare and hold his hand up.
“You’re going to regret saying that.” 
I watched as a ball of black miasma accompanied by lightning was gathering in his hand. I was prepared for the blow but what I was prepared for was what I saw happen next.
“Don’t you touch them-- AHH!” 
Lily let out a piercing scream, sending a gust of wind so powerful that it cut through the rocks like nothing before hitting the man full-force. Their body was sent flying out of the cave with a groan while Lily herself groaned in pain. The cave began to shake as rocks came tumbling down, closing off the entrance. Meanwhile, a light began to gather around Lily and it was at that moment that I could see blood trickling down from the wound in her back. She was crying from the pain and clutching the now shaking ground with gritted teeth. Everything happened so fast, but I remember feeling Lily’s hand reach out and grab mine as she called out my name.
My vision went blurry as we plunged into the darkness….
************************
On the other side of the cave, was the robed man who drew back the hood of his robes with a grin. He midnight-blue hair blew gently in the breeze as he stared at the rubble that was once the cave.
“Well, well, well, it seems I was mistaken after all. It seems that man was truly telling me the truth when he told me that there was an ancient being walking around.” He let out a chuckle as he pressed his hand against his forehead. “Oh what joy I’ll be having when I watch you crumble in defeat the next time we meet.”
------------------------------------
Nadia: Things are really starting to take a turn for the worse…
Persephone: Yeah, it really makes you wonder if everything is going to turn out alright in the end.
Nadia: We just need to believe in them both.
Persephone: Right...anyways, we should probably get on with the next preview.
Nadia: You’re right.
Persephone: The next chapter is ‘The Ark of Forgotten Time’.
Nadia: I wonder what an Ark is and more importantly, I wonder what it is they’ll reveal?
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ronaldmrashid · 5 years
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How To Qualify For Healthcare Subsidies Under The Affordable Care Act (Even As A Multi-Millionaire)
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One of the biggest concerns early retirees have is the cost of healthcare. It is estimated that the average annual healthcare premium is roughly $19,600, largely subsidized by the employer.
We currently pay about $1,750 a month, or $21,000 a year in healthcare premiums for a family of three for a no-deductible platinum plan despite both of us being healthy with no pre-existing conditions.
Before the birth of our son in 2017, our healthcare premiums weren’t much cheaper at roughly $1,625 a month. In a way, we feel slightly better paying a higher premium because we feel we are getting more of our money’s worth with all his pediatrician and ophthalmology visits.
But just like how paying $23,000 a year in property tax for an old rental property made me want to sell, paying $21,000 a year in healthcare premiums makes me want to eat a lot of jelly donuts, sleep in more, and stop working so much.
Let’s see if there’s a better way for all of us to get healthcare subsidies, even if we have millions of dollars in assets.
How To Get Healthcare Subsidies
In order to be eligible for healthcare subsidies under the Affordable Care Act, you must earn no more than 400% of the Federal Poverty Limit (FPL) by household size. Each year, these limits will go up by ~2% to account for inflation.
In the chart below, you will see the latest FPL limits under the 100% column. The 400% column shows the maximum amount you’re able to make per household size until you no longer qualify for healthcare subsidies.
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ACA Income Limits For Subsidies 2019
If you make less than 100 percent of the FPL, you also don’t qualify for the Affordable Care Act. You qualify for Medicaid. In some states, the income percentage is up to 139 percent of the FPL, so make sure to check.
The amount of healthcare subsidy you will receive will depend on how much over the FPL your household income is and the type of healthcare plan you want e.g. deductible amount, bronze, silver, gold, platinum etc.
The chart below shows how much of your household income you are expected to contribute to your healthcare plan. The percentages are caps.
Using my household of three as an example, we’re allowed to earn up to $83,120 and still be eligible for the Affordable Care Act.
We would be expected to pay $83,120 X 9.86% = $8,196 a year in healthcare premiums at most. That’s a nice $12,804 in subsidies compared to our current cost.
$683 a month in healthcare premiums seems much more reasonable for a healthy family of three. Unfortunately, due to drug price gouging, soaring liability insurance, general mismanagement, and a growing percentage of the population being overweight or obese, Americans who do not qualify for subsidies must pay much more.
If our three-person household somehow managed to only earn $41,560, or 200% of the FPL limit, then we would only have to pay $41,560 X 6.54% = $2,718 a year in healthcare premiums for our same plan thanks to $18,282 in subsidies. Paying only $226 a month is truly an affordable healthcare plan.
Unfortunately, we will have a difficult time making ends meet on only $41,560 a year in San Francisco or Honolulu. Income under $117,000 a year for a family of four in San Francisco is considered “low income” according to the Department of Housing and Development.
Living A Middle Class Life In Retirement
Given we can’t survive comfortably off of $41,560 (200% of FPL), let’s focus on 400% of FPL for a family of three.
Earning $83,120 a year for a household of three is a healthy middle-class lifestyle. If we apply a 15% effective tax rate, we’re left with $70,652 a year after tax.
Being able to spend $5,888 a month is 55% more than the average spending for a 65+-year-old-household at $3,800 a month.
Here’s how we might spend $5,888 a month after paying off our mortgage.
$1,500: Food and entertainment
$1,700: Our son (tuition, lessons, toys, clothes, shoes)
$1,500: House expenses (property tax, maintenance, utilities)
$600: Personal care and miscellaneous
$588: Transportation and travel
In order to earn $83,120 in gross passive income a year, we would need to have $1,662,400 in capital earning 5% a year, $2,078,000 in capital earning 4% a year, $2,770,666 in capital earning 3% a year, or $4,156,000 in capital earning 2% a year.
Having $1,662,400 – $4,156,000 in capital should be plenty to draw down from if our household expenses exceed $83,120 gross / $70,652 net for whatever reason. We would just need to be careful to not draw down too much given we’ve got 20 years of expenses to pay for our son.
Given we earn more than $83,120 a year in passive income from our investments, we would have to sell off roughly 65% of our income generating investments and reinvest the proceeds in non-income generating investments.
Some investment ideas include: buying a property and not renting it out, buying a property and not earning a profit due to depreciation and other expenses, buying growth stocks that don’t pay dividends, making a private equity investment, and paying down debt.
Given eligibility for the Affordable Care Act is based on income, not on wealth, you can now see how multi-millionaires can also qualify.
To receive healthcare subsidies based on your own situation, you would simply:
Earn a modified gross income (MAGI) up to 400% of the FPL based on your household income size
Restructure your investments so they produce less income
Stop working full-time or find a lower paying job
Throttle down your freelance income or entrepreneurial income
You must be ineligible for health insurance coverage through an employer or government plan
You do not file a Married Filing Separately tax return (unless you meet the criteria in section 1.36B-2T(b)(2) of the Temporary Income Tax Regulations)
You can’t be claimed as a dependent
Apply for the Affordable Care Act at Healthcare.gov
Just know that even with a $5 million net worth, I’ve shown that it may be barely enough to retire early on with a family if you remain in a high cost of living location.
Therefore, to even think about reducing your income to receive healthcare subsidies might be like the tail wagging the dog.
The Maximum And Average Healthcare Subsidy Amount
Based on the contribution chart, the poorest households (sizes 1-6) must pay a minimum of $253 – $702 a year in healthcare premiums under the ACA. The richest of households (sizes 1-6) that still qualify for ACA must pay $4,788 – $13,307 a year in healthcare premiums.
In other words, the maximum healthcare subsidy per person is about $7,000 depending on plan, household size, and household income.
The average healthcare subsidy per person is around $5,000 depending on the same variables.
In our three-person household’s case, we would receive a $4,268 per person subsidy if we earn 400% of FPL. But losing out on $150,000 a year in passive income to receive $12,804 a year in healthcare premiums doesn’t seem like a great idea.
Note: If you become a business owner, you can deduct the premiums you pay for your employees.
Is It Morally Right To Take Healthcare Subsidies?
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Should we limit ACA participants from eating steak drenched in butter and other unhealthy foods?
Everybody has the right to the Affordable Care Act if they legally qualify. But is it morally right to accept healthcare subsidies, especially if you are a multi-millionaire who is not in the best of health due to your own lack of discipline?
This moral dilemma is something I struggle with despite paying a fortune in annual healthcare premiums and forking over millions of dollars in taxes over the past 20 years. When I die, there’s a possibility I will have to pay even more taxes to the government due to the estate tax.
I feel it is my duty to help subsidize the less healthy and less wealthy through higher healthcare premiums and higher taxes. That’s what being a good American citizen is all about.
However, as I get older, I no longer have the energy to work as much. Instead, I’d rather focus more of my time on health and family in my mid-40s and beyond.
If the average number of hours an American works a week is 40, I feel like I’ve already worked a 35 – 40-year career given I’ve regularly worked between 70-80 hours a week for the past 20 years.
Perhaps instead of charging more to those who’ve worked a lot, saved a lot, paid a lot of taxes, and stayed in shape through vigorous exercise and healthy eating habits, the government might charge less or incentivize the general population instead.
Can you imagine how much healthier our nation would be if the government gave a healthcare premium or tax credit to those who walked or ran 20 miles a week and never consumed sugar?
Not only would we as a nation be healthier, but our healthcare system would also be less costly because there would be less of a need to subsidize less healthy people.
Let’s Not Abuse The System
At the moment, I draw the line at taking advantage of the Affordable Care Act if you are a millionaire and are purposefully unfit. I’m not talking about millionaires who have some type of genetic disorder or disability that prevents them from staying healthy.
I’m talking about the millionaire who has all the ability and resources in the world to lead a healthy life.
Not only is the unhealthy multimillionaire taking advantage of the system that was intended to help the financially vulnerable, the unhealthy millionaire is also burdening the system by purposefully eating poorly and not working out on a regular basis.
If you are wealthy, it behooves you to get in the best shape as you can. You’ve won the lottery. Therefore, you might as well enjoy your luck for as long as possible.
To be rich and out of shape and then apply for Obamacare is a slap in the face to the American people.
May we all live long and never have to take advantage of the Affordable Care Act. Let’s let the people who are financially struggling the most get subsidies from those of us who can pay more.
Related posts:
The Health Affordability Ratio
Is A High Deductible Plan Worth It To Be Eligible For An HSA?
Readers, what are your thoughts about receiving healthcare subsidies if you can afford to pay more? Is retiring early as a millionaire and participating in the Affordable Care Act a morally right thing to do? How much should the healthy subsidize the unhealthy? Why don’t we focus on incentives and preventative care instead?
The post How To Qualify For Healthcare Subsidies Under The Affordable Care Act (Even As A Multi-Millionaire) appeared first on Financial Samurai.
from https://www.financialsamurai.com/how-to-qualify-for-healthcare-subsidies-under-the-affordable-care-act-even-as-a-multi-millionaire/
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reclusive-nerd · 5 years
Text
Working on a new fan fic! I hope to keep this going.
I'm gonna work on this new fanfiction, but I need motivation to keep going. All comments are appreciated and anything to help motivate me to keep going would be great. Let me know what y'all think. Here's the first chapter.
Obstacles
           Blue eyes looked out a small window, faded, dirty, but clear enough to see. The grass isn't green, there are spots of weeds and brown dying patches. The asphalt walkway is full of cracks and potholes, with a broken fence along one side. The cars in the parking lot to his left are run down and cheap, each one a little older then the next. The outside area on his right is in full sun with all of two picket tables and a single basketball hoop. Even the street leading to the parking lot is cracked, and run down. It's like the whole block is falling apart piece by piece like legos and everyone just seems to ignore it. This is the only place his family can afford though. Better something than nothing, as his family says all the time.
             He sighs, adjusting his seating position so he can wrap his arms around his legs. Letting his fingers fiddle with the plastic bracelet on his left wrist. His heels digging into the chair to keep from slipping.
              One more night. He tells himself. Just one more night, then I can go home. But is home really much better?
               “Hey Castiel,” a familiar voice comes from behind, Dr. Pamela, his most recent therapist. “I just wanted to check in on you before you're released.” Pamela sits down across from him, placing a clipboard on her lap.
               They sit in silence for a minute, looking out the window. “Castiel? I need you to talk. How do you feel about leaving?”
               “Grateful.” Cas says in a low growl.
               “I need more than one word answers honey.”
               “I just want to go home. Get out of here.”
               “Okay. But how do you feel getting released? You've made great progress, it very well could be the last time you have to be here.”
               Cas just chuckles a little and shakes his head. “I don’t think so.”
               “Why's that Castiel?” Pamela sighs.
               “Because.. I've been this way for so long I never thought I'd make it this far.”
               Pamela just stares at him, waiting for him to continue.
               “In high school I… I just didn't think I'd still be here, alive, at this point. So I never made any future plans. Never tried to prove myself or even pass my classes. So I have nothing. Nothing to show colleges what I can do, nothing to give me a future.” He looks at Pamela. “so what's to say I won't be right back here in a month?”
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               Great, another job gone out the window because of his “attitude” and “lack of restraint”. This is bullshit. The customer was being rude, and was wrong about the price anyway, but was mostly just rude. Shit. He'd just finished training too.
                Dean walked down the street grumbling to himself, Jay walking to the store on the corner and nearly getting run over.
               “GET OUTTA THE ROAD IDIOT!” the driver yells out his window.
               “HEY UP YOURS ASSHOLE.” Dean yells back before returning to grumbling to himself.
               The bell on the doorframe jingles as he walks in, and he bumps into a cardboard display right inside the door. His foot kicks an empty box on the floor as he finds his favorite six pack of beer in the first aisle. Grabbing it by the plastic tie, and walking towards the counter, the cans hit the edge of the shelf as he turns. Placing the cans on the counter with a thump and throwing a bag of jerky on the counter with it.
             “You keep throwing shit around my store and I'll kick you out sooner or later.” The gruff voice comments before ringing up his items.
              Dean just groans in response.
             “Not even going to tell me what happened this time?”
              “Bobby… just… let me drink.”
              Bobby pauses, laying the scanner on the counter and crossing his arms. Not finishing the transaction.
               Dean sighs, knowing he wont get shit if he doesn't speak up. “Attitude problems and restraint. Just like the last two.”
                Bobby grumbles something under his breath before scanning his jerky and waving Dean's cash away. Dean doesn't even hesitate before shoving his money back in his pocket. He knows better than to fight with Bobby, he's too tired to care anyway. So he grabs his stuff and heads through the back hallway to the back door.
             The alleyway behind the store is empty and quiet. Dean and his brother set up cheap camping chairs here years ago. Each time Dean comes out, he's a little surprised they're still there. People in this dumb town will steal anything that's not tied down. But Dean's grateful, a little, to sit down in the worn out chair and just drink and smoke. He pulls out his cigarettes and lighter, placing them in the small drink holder in the chair. Grabbing a beer and cracking it open, he takes a swig and stares at the blank walls of other businesses.
              Smoking isn't good, neither is drinking, or eating the unhealthy plates of food Dean scarfs down in a single day. But at this point who cares? He doesn't have a future, he barely has a life. Why not smoke and drink what's left away? It won't matter in the long run. Sammy will be fine, Bobby will be fine, everyone would be just fine without him. Besides, he lost another job. What's to say he won't lose the next one? And be right back here where he ends up, each and every time.
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        Cas only has a couple things that make him happy. One, obviously being the pills he has to take to be even remotely normal, two writing and reading, since they often go hand in hand, cas claims it as one together. Three, cooking. His family doesn't have much, but the here and there jobs Cas finds, he manages to pay for most of his own ingredients. Which is a welcome to Anna, who lives on soups and noodles when cas is away.
          But he feels bad leaving so often, his parents work the weird hours and they hardly ever see each other, least of all Anna. When Anna leaves for school, parents are just getting off work, and when she comes home, they're either sleeping their last free hours away or getting ready to leave for work again.
           So Castiel has become somewhat of a parental figure for Anna, when he is home of course. But Anna doesn't seem to mind, at least she doesn't show it, she catches him up on the high school drama and curricular activities as well as their parents' jobs. And cas listens. Stirring chili and rolling out cookie dough, he listens. To the petty problems of high school cas once was involved in. The who's who of what group and who told something to someone else. Or what teacher finally broke down and which kids got arrested recently. Its entertaining from the sidelines, and cas hopes Anna never gets dragged into it. It's a tough road to walk through.
            He can still remember when everyone found out he was gay. That's when things really went downhill. The name calling, the pushes, the literal and emotional beat downs. The subtle looks, the loud rejections. Even the teachers gave him side glances. It's unfortunate the world he's forced to live in, and the town he's forced to survive in. No ones exactly accepting here. There is a small LGBT+ group that meets up every month or so. But locations change because people protest their existence, and it's hard to find a contact. All the members that haven't been outed yet hide in shadows, and it takes a secret password and an undercover handshake to even talk to them. Slowly though.. slowly things are changing.
            The taxi that takes him home arrives in front and waits. Cas's eyes watch as the driver gets out and walks inside the main doors.
           10 seconds. 9. 8. 7. 6. 5. 4. 3. 2. 1. 0.
             Castiel Novak please report to front desk, it is time to go home. Congrats.
           Cas sighs and stands. Walking towards the desk on this floor. They hand him his notebook, his small backpack of stuff, and his latest batch of pills, all together in a sealed brown bag. The ladies smile and congratulate him on being released. He can only give a small smile in return.
           By the time Cas is home, he almost feels like he should be going back already. Like he has spent too much time in the outside world and needs to return to safety. But seeing Anna waiting by the front door makes the feeling subside for now. Anna smiles as Cas thanks the driver and starts walking toward the door.
          As usual, Anna gives him a big hug and checks his wrist for his bracelet.
          "Only two weeks this time." Anna sighs. "You must be doing better than. They're not being so cautious anymore."
           Cas nods, and they walk inside together. Anna grabs his stuff and runs it to his room, before coming back and giving him another hug.
           "You're going to stay this time right?" Anna asks, mumbling into his shoulder.
           "I'll try." Cas answers in a low tired voice.
           Anna squeezes a hug before letting go and taking his hand, leading him to the kitchen and sitting him down at the table.
            "I've been working on something. Stay here." Anna turns and opens the oven, the heat flying into the air for just a moment before Anna sets a small plate of cookies on the table beside Cas. "I made cookies, from scratch. They're just chocolate chip, but I found a simple recipe and meddled with it before ending on this. The ultimate chocolate chip cookie."
         Cas smiles, I real smile. His fingers pick one up and he takes a taste. He looks back at Anna, she stands there, her hands together in a silent hopeful prayer.
          "These are amazing Anna." He says.
          Anna jumps up and down with excitement clapping for herself. "Yay." Anna laughs.
          Cas can't help but laugh a little too. These cookies are bomb, and he doesn't hesitate to eat just a few more before heading to his room.
           He has to remind himself that he should stay, and build some sort of future for himself. He needs to study. He needs to go to school. Get a job. Do something with his life. For now though … he'll sleep. Real sleep, in his own bed, with his own smells and his own blankets. In peace.
    Cas dreamt of nature. Strangely, green fields over hills with bright blue skies. The wind in his hair and a hand on his back. But it wasn't his own. He couldn't see the face, he could only feel the hand on his back. It was comforting. Relaxing. He felt safe with this mystery hand steadying him. He felt like he could take on the world. Suddenly he faced a cliff. Looking out into the ocean that housed only a few ships. His toes hooked over the edge of the grass, feeling the rocks of a sudden drop down below to boulders. Boulders that created giant waves that washed against the bottom of the cliff. Fear set in. Something was telling him to go forward, to dive between the boulders into the water. To take the leap and the risk. But he couldn't. He closed his eyes. A hand weaved into his, lining up perfectly. A shoulder rested against his, and a pair of feet joined his on the edge. Cas opened his eyes and stared down at the boulders below. A moment ago he was scared and didn't want to jump. But now. A hand holding his, and another life to take the risk too. He didn't feel so afraid. He took a deep breath, and jumped. Diving into the water, but not alone. This other life jumped with him. Holding his hand all the way down.
Cas woke with a sense of relief and comfort. This other life is out there somewhere. He knows it. And his heart is telling him to search for it. So before his memory swipes away this dream, he takes out a notebook and writes. Every detail he can remember. Anything to help him find this other person. This amazing hand that held him and the ability to risk everything with him.
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thisdaynews · 5 years
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Trump’s bid to wipe out AIDS will take more than a pill
New Post has been published on https://thebiafrastar.com/trumps-bid-to-wipe-out-aids-will-take-more-than-a-pill/
Trump’s bid to wipe out AIDS will take more than a pill
President Donald Trump’s plan to eradicate HIV transmission will require extending access to the most vulnerable Americans. | Chris Jackson/Getty Images
health care
People who are still at risk have complex, unmet social needs.
COLUMBIA, SOUTH CAROLINA — If President Donald Trump’s ambitious plan to wipe out HIV transmission in America by 2030 is to have any chance of success, it will have to reach people like Kwanna Dingell’s mother.
In April,she walked into an emergency room in rural South Carolina seven times — and seven times she was refused care. That final time, the hospital called the police, who put the homeless woman in jail. From there, she went back to the same hospital, where she spent 18 days in the psychiatric ward.
Story Continued Below
Frantic, Dingell finally tracked her mother down with help from the police, only to find that a hospice nurse was also looking for her, wanting to alert the hospital that Dingell’s mother had HIV. She had kept it a secret — from her daughter, from her community and from health care providers, who may have treated her quite differently had they known she was probably suffering from HIV-related dementia.
Public health now has the tools to eradicate HIV — medicines to protect people from getting the virus, to prevent those who have it from infecting others, and to prolong lives by decades. But it takes a lot more than a pill to reach the “hard to reach” populations, people who 40 years into the epidemic are still most at risk of contracting and spreading HIV/AIDS. These are the stigmatized, the marginalized, the poor, the homeless, the afraid, the addicted and the mentally ill, in rural communities and urban cores.
Unlike the 1980s, the faces of the AIDS crisis in 2019 are not found so much in San Francisco’s Castro district or New York’s Greenwich Village. They are disproportionately black men, and increasingly black women. Some are gay or bisexual and closeted in hostile communities. Many are at risk because of drug addiction and mental illness, in small rural southern towns or in troubled inner cities like Baltimore. Coping with HIV is one of only many challenges in their difficult, chaotic lives.
Eradicating the virus will need to look less like a science experiment and more like a broad social welfare program.
In his budget for fiscal 2020, Trump requested an additional $291 million for his AIDS program and plans to start some work even sooner by drawing about $30 million from the Minority AIDS Initiative fund.
But many doing HIV/AIDS prevention work worry that the approach may not be broad enough, and that rules on spending public funds may not be flexible enough. That’s particularly the case given a trend in some areas, like South Carolina, of moving away from community-based organizations that provide outreach, education and support services like van rides for rural patients who need to travel long distances to get to a clinic. Instead, the money and energy are going to a narrower medical approach.
Wiping out HIV does require pills — affordable pills. And getting people to take the pills and keep taking them day after day also requires support services. It would ideally involve a full-scale attack on poverty, racial, economic and educational inequalities and long-held stigmas against people who have acquired a disease associated with sex, drugs, and risky behavior.
“In some ways we’ve skimmed off the easiest [HIV] populations to take care of,” said Kyle Murphy of AIDS United, a nonprofit that has focused on getting grant money into hard to reach communities where, he said, people still in need of HIV services require more and different kinds of assistance.
The people that the U.S. is missing for HIV care now aren’t so obvious because they’re often not interacting with the health system or proactively reaching out for care, saidAmanda Rosecrans, who directs Baltimore City Health Department’s HIV and hepatitis C sexually transmitted disease clinics. These patients are hard to find and hard to keep in care.
Baltimore recently started up a mobile STD clinic that it sends out with the city’s needle exchange vans. Most people who come to the clinic are using drugs, engaged in commercial sex work or both. Many have never had health insurance (though they may be eligible now for free or subsidized coverage under the Affordable Care Act) and haven’t had health care in a long time, Rosecrans said.
The clinic has helped reach them but has not always enabled the consistent, ongoing relationships needed to keep them on AIDS meds for years. “It’s been really hard to keep those people engaged,” she said. “All of the patients who we’ve tried to do HIV treatment on the vans so far, we’ve sort of lost contact with for one reason or another — incarceration, folks that are homeless.” The city is starting to think of some ideas it could test to stay in contact with these people, like giving them mobile phones, but government grants that let them buy pills don’t necessarily let them buy phones.
Given recent biomedical and public health advances, the Trump administration sees the time as ripe for an audacious plan to slash new HIV infections in the U.S. by 75 percent within five years, and by 90 percent within 10. Medicines, if made affordable and taken correctly, can suppress the virus to undetectable levels, reducing transmission. Pre-exposure prophylaxis, or “PrEP,” drugs can prevent infection in people at high risk. New tools let public health officials pinpoint transmission hot spots, and swoop in where HIV infections are spreading most rapidly.
“Today, we have the right data, the right tools and the right leadership, to end the HIV epidemic,” HHS Secretary Alex Azar said at the National HIV Prevention Conference in March.
But for many in rural South Carolina or hard-hit parts of Baltimore — two of the areas specifically targeted in the Trump plan because of high rates of new infections — fancy science isn’t the silver bullet that Washington bureaucrats count on.
“A lot of our clients … are below the poverty level, well below the poverty level. Most are zero-income and a lot of their issues are bigger than HIV,” said Selena Lowery, the lead case manager at the South Carolina HIV Council’s Wright Wellness Center in Columbia, South Carolina, which has been helping the Dingell family. Like her counterparts in Baltimore, she can get people into HIV treatment — but keeping them there means also addressing transportation, employment, and often underlying drug addiction or mental illness.
“If you had to think about, ‘Am I going to go to the doctor or go stand on line for day labor,’ I’m going to go to day labor because I have to eat, and I have to have some place to lay my head tonight,” she said. “If we’re not treating the whole person it’s not going to work.”
But money is limited for HIV-focused organizations — community-based organizations, not just medical clinics — to address these larger needs. The federal Ryan White program mandates that grantees spend 75 percent of their money on core services like doctor’s visits and medication. That leaves 25 percent for emergency financial assistance, transportation or food. Lowery said it’s not enough.
Lenatte Henry, the Wright Wellness Center’s outreach specialist, who spends a lot of her time trying to get the 20 to 30 percent of clients who drop out of HIV treatment back into care, says the main reasons people stop treatment are addiction, homelessness and general financial troubles. Everyday struggles leave little room for keeping track of pills and getting to appointments.
When Wright runs mobile testing clinics in and around Columbia, at sites like a rundown motel where sex workers or people recently released from prison stay, the people who show up are more motivated by the offer of a $5 or $10 gift card — enough for food for a day — than learning about their HIV status.
Even when people are identified as high-risk, getting them on PrEP is hard — only about one in five of the estimated 1.1 million eligible people are taking Gilead’s drug, which costs $20,000 a year. And the racial gap is huge. Black men and women account for about 40 percent of Americans who should be offered PreP, but make up only about 11 percent of current users. White Americans make up about a fourth of those who should be offered PrEP but comprise nearly 70 percent of those who get it.
Gilead in May announced it would donate enough PrEP medicine to treat 200,000 at-risk people for a decade. But critics fear the largess may slow down the adoption of cheaper generics. They contend that Gilead — whose high profits were just the subject of a critical House oversight hearing — could do a lot more to wipe out HIV simply by lowering its drug prices. The company was dogged by similar criticism for its high-priced hepatitis C medications. The PrEP drug Gilead sells for $1,600 a month in the U.S. goes for just hundreds of dollars a month in Europe. Many countries already have access to cheaper generics.
Money is only one obstacle to broad adoption of PrEP. The federal Ryan White program, which serves low-income and uninsured people with the HIV virus, does include wraparound services like emergency housing or mental health. But that law went into effect about 30 years ago to help people infected with the virus; it hasn’t been modified to help those who are high-risk but HIV negative.
Baltimore’s Rosecrans also wants federal funding to be more flexible, so clinics aren’t so boxed in by a patient’s HIV status. Her clinics can’t provide wraparound services for PrEP patients, nor, under current rules, can she combine services all on one site, which would eliminate obstacles for patients who traipse from one place to another to get health care, support and assistance.
And government funding has moved away from AIDS education and efforts to combat stigma, on the theory that the country has largely gotten the basic facts about HIV treatment and transmission. But in wide swathes of the country that’s not the case. People still think AIDS is an untreatable, fatal disease that can be spread through casual contact.
“It’s like going back in time,“ Dingell said of her mother’s community. “They look at it like it’s still the 1980s. They don’t know that there are resources there, that there’s education, that they can live a healthy life. They have no idea, and unfortunately my mother is one of those people.“ Her aunt, she added, always Lysol-ed the bathroom each time her mother visited, afraid of catching the virus. She was one of the few in the family who either knew, or at least suspected, that the woman had AIDS.
Similar anecdotes abound in support groups run by the Wright clinic for HIV-positive women and among gay, bisexual and transgender men. They tell of being shunned by their churches, and of being told, inaccurately, that AIDS is a death sentence and that they should not have babies because they too will die. One woman, Susan Kitchens, said her physician kicked her out of his office a few years ago for fear his other patients would drop him if word got out that he had treated her. Many said their doctors had never heard about PrEP.
“I’ve literally heard physicians say, ‘If that’s the lifestyle you want to live, why do I care if you live or die,’” said one man, who asked to use only his first name, Stephen, because of the stigma he still endures.
The Wright Center has found that stigma, while detrimental to all, has a higher impact on blacks than on whites. Whites feared social isolation; people of color worried about all that plus basic economic survival and losing their jobs, said Wright’s executive director, Bambi Gaddhist.
For children it can be worse. Some have been “cast out of their home” for being gay or bisexual or transgender. They can’t even begin to talk about HIV/AIDS, she said. The abstinence-only education that dominates schools leaves a lot unsaid about HIV prevention and treatment, and there isn’t much funding for what Gaddhist terms AIDS “Basic 101,” based in trusted community settings.
Similar fears play out in Baltimore; people travel across the city to visit an STD clinic to avoid being recognized.
Going directly to the community can make a big difference, Rosecrans said.
“A lot of times patients have had really negative experiences with health care settings, especially if going to an emergency room and getting labeled a drug user. … So, they come to us and we’re nice to them and it keeps them coming back over time,” she said.
But in South Carolina and among HIV workers there are fears that community outreach is being increasingly decimated, not built up.
In recent years South Carolina has cut off funding for Wright’s work with churches; the CDC no longer lets the organization use its grants to lease vans to transport patients to keep them in HIV treatment. There’s a broader shift of funding away from community-based organizations focused on prevention, unless they directly provide medical care. Grant applications often exclude rural jurisdictions because they don’t have the density of disease necessary to get the “bang for the buck” the federal government wants, added Nic Carlisle, the executive director of the Southern AIDS Coalition.
“We have to be really careful,” said Carlisle. “There’s a lot of talk about using federally qualified health centers and the whole medical model,” but the Trump plan is silent on support services that are often better managed by smaller community-based organizations.
“They are nimble, they end up doing more with less, they end up looking more like the communities they are trying to serve. … Unfortunately I think the emphasis on this sort of medical model or medicalization has really disadvantaged them,” he said.
In a recent conversation, Dingell said her mother was still in the hospital. She was barely eating; Dingell wasn’t sure how much longer she would survive. Like many in South Carolina, Dingell had not heard of Trump’s plan to eradicate HIV and was skeptical of how her mother’s community would react. More awareness and services like housing could eventually make a difference. But it’s likely too late for her family.
In an ideal world, “if she took her medicine and didn’t have a stigma around this disease she could have lived a healthy life, she wouldn’t be in this situation. And you know, if they treated her with dignity and treated her as if she was a person with rights to be treated medically,” she said. “But that’s not her reality.”
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mcjoelcain · 5 years
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Move Over FIRE, Welcome DIRE: Delay, Inherit, Retire, Expire
When I first started writing about achieving  financial independence early in 2009, I never thought the FIRE movement would reach such a huge level of interest a decade later. After all, only misfits decide to aggressively forgo material pleasures, save 50% or more of their incomes, and retire from well-paying jobs in their 30s.
Back in 2009, the “lifestyle design” movement was all the rage because people were getting blown out of their jobs left and right. Some people went back to graduate school to save face. Others decided to start lifestyle businesses after getting laid off. I figured there was a good chance my head would also roll, which is one reason why I started Financial Samurai that summer.
Thanks to a raging bull market that ensued, life turned out fine and the FIRE movement picked up steam. Today, we are at peak FIRE, perhaps similar to peak crypto reached in December 2017. Unfortunately, when you’re at the peak, there’s usually nowhere to go but down.
Growing Angst Against Financial Independence
You know we’re at peak fire because the mass media has latched onto FIRE like a rabid dog which hasn’t eaten in weeks. Not a day goes by where there isn’t a new story about someone leaving a job early and how they did it.
As an investor, we know that by the time big media gets hold, it’s often too late to invest. Rather, it’s likely a more opportune time to sell. Just think about Uber and Lyft finally filing to IPO in 2019. After all the easy money has been made as private companies, they’re hoping to finally cash out to public investors.
My job as an investor and as a personal finance writer is to do my best to forecast the future. Writing about what may happen is infinitely more interesting (and risky) than writing about the past. Forecasting the future challenges your mind and could make you a rich hero or a broke fool with egg on your face.
But as with everything in life, no risk, no reward. Today, my crystal ball is saying the FIRE movement is in for a rude awakening.
On the one hand, there is growing disdain against the FIRE movement from the majority of Americans who will never reach financial independence. With the median household income going nowhere over the past 10 years, it’s been hard for middle-class Americans to get ahead. Further, the average American has a pitiful amount saved in their retirement accounts.
When you’ve been spinning your wheels for so long, all this brouhaha about people retiring early to live fabulous lives in their mom’s basement while posting fake Instagram pictures about their amazing lives starts to get mighty annoying after a while. Annoyance turns into rage and a new movement is born.
On the other side are FIRE practitioners who are finding out that not all is sunshine and rainbows once they’ve quit a stable job with wonderful benefits. With a slowdown in the economy on the horizon, things are not looking good.
The DIRE Movement Is Created
The Fed is on a mission to suffocate the economy with more rate hikes. The current administration wants to further escalate trade wars because of alpha male ego, no matter how adversely it affects the stock market. Meanwhile, the housing market has gone past its peak and will likely continue to be in the doldrums for the next several years.
When a downturn hits, if it hasn’t already, it’s an inevitability that FIRE followers will be forced to go back to work and earn their retirements the old-fashioned way. Some might even say FIRE during a recession stands for Foolish Idealist Returns to Employer.
However, as long as we keep the FIRE acronym alive, we give hope to its original meaning. But when all is lost, false hope only gets people into further trouble. Therefore, let’s eliminate FIRE entirely from our psyche so that we can finally make a change!
Let me introduce the newest retirement movement to the world: DIRE. As a realist who sees the future, it is all but a certainty the DIRE movement will supplant the FIRE movement as the retirement path of choice. Let’s find out why.
D Is For Delay
For most people, delaying retirement due to the rapid rise in costs for housing, healthcare, and education is the only way to survive.
Given the median household income has stayed stagnant at around $61,000 for the past decade while the median house price in America has risen from $177,000 to $222,000 during the same period (26% increase), housing has become less affordable. In some cities, real estate prices have appreciated so quickly that most residents have no hope of ever owning.
Median household income has gone nowhere in 20 years
Healthcare costs are out of control, especially if you plan to carry the entire monthly premium burden yourself. The average total healthcare cost is now almost $20,000 a year, subsidized mostly by the employer. Once you’re out of a job, the entire $20,000 cost falls upon you unless you have a low enough income to qualify for subsidies. For my family of three, I pay $1,760 a month, or $21,120 a year for a platinum plan. None of us are overweight or have any serious chronic illnesses either.
Education costs, specifically college tuition has grown unbearable with annual tuition increases averaging 5% – 7%, regardless of a recession or not. That’s a doubling of tuition every 10 – 15 years. Good luck retiring early if you’ve got to pay $50,000 – $100,000 a year for four or five years for even just a single child.
For parents with kids, retiring early will be all but a pipe dream. There will always be at least one parent working full-time to earn a steady income and have subsidized health care. The non-working parent can shout they are FIRE as loud as they want, but nobody will buy it. Being a stay at home dad or mom is nothing to be ashamed about, yet for the man especially, he can’t seem to accept his new reality of living off his wife’s income.
I Is For Inherit
With no hope of retiring early, many Americans are counting on an inheritance as their retirement strategy. With 25 as the median age when parents had kids in 1970 and the median life expectancy currently hovering around 80, the average American will likely have to wait until around 65 to inherit anything.
Today, the average age when women start to have children is 28. Therefore, future generations will likely have to wait even longer to inherit anything, all else being equal.
Not all is bad news on the inheritance front, however. With the average net worth in America rising to almost $700,000, parents are doing more than ever before to help their adult children thrive in adulthood. After all, Baby Boomers have benefitted the most from the longest bull market in history.
Every single one of my immediate neighbors in San Francisco has parents who either bought them their house or are letting them live in one of their multiple properties rent free. When I first moved into my house in 2014, I met my neighbor’s son who at the time was a 24-year-old senior at UC Davis. When he graduated in 2015, he returned home and still hasn’t left!
Can you imagine relying on an inheritance as a retirement strategy? You might never be able to start a family, create your own sense of independence, and make your great contribution to society. Clearly, one side effect of DIRE is a surge in depression.
R is for Retire
Forget about retiring in your 30s, 40s, 50s, or even 60s. With DIRE, we’re talking nowadays about the majority retiring in our 70s or older baby! We’re living longer. This means we’ve got to work longer to support ourselves. Once upon a time, people would retire at age 65 and die within five years. We are returning to the phenomena of that bygone era.
The earliest one can collect Social Security will rise from 62 to at least 65 if the government wants to make the program whole. After all, the government runs a massive budget deficit each year. With little-to-no social safety, achieving a comfortable retirement life will all depend on you.
With the trend towards retiring in our 70s or older, retirement life won’t be as fun. It’ll be much harder to play leisurely sports like golf or tennis when your back is always in pain. There’ll be no way to ever climb the stairs of Santorini when your knees don’t have cartilage. Donkey ride it is!
The only thing left you can do in this new world of retirement is watch tons of TV and surf the internet. At least with the popularity of food delivery apps, you will no longer have to go out of the house to eat a nice rubber chicken dinner. Staying glued to a lounge chair is what the new retirement reality will be like.
E is for Expire
Here is where the DIRE movement will be at its saddest. After a long life of working because you had to, not because you wanted to, reluctant DIRE followers will look back on their lives with regret. They will curse the day they ever heard about FIRE because otherwise they would never have taken the leap of faith at the top of the market and fallen splat on their faces.
Instead of being the hare, they would have won the race as the tortoise – steadily saving and investing their income during their highest income earning years with much less stress and worry. They wouldn’t have had to embarrassingly gone back to work with their tails between their legs and watched old colleagues now become their bosses. They wouldn’t have needed to go through multiple mental breakdowns and countless nights of self-doubt because they couldn’t replace their day job income with freelance income or entrepreneurial income to take care of their families.
Contrast reluctant DIRE followers with DIRE enthusiasts. DIRE enthusiasts see the FIRE movement is in trouble and decide to stay the course. Instead of retiring in their 30s or 40s, they decide to maximize their highest income earning years and retire with multi-millions in their 50s. Given everyone is living longer, retiring in your 50s is like retiring in your 40s of yesteryear. Of course, they also don’t just stay miserable at their jobs. DIRE enthusiasts proactively search for better opportunities in order to keep on working.
A DIRE enthusiast doesn’t scoff at families who believe they need $5 million in an after-tax portfolio to retire early. DIRE enthusiasts realize that runaway inflation, globalization, and structurally lower investment returns in the future will wreak havoc on living the early retirement dream. Therefore, instead of getting into a rage about why the world’s round peg doesn’t fit into their square hole, they simply adapt and work longer.
The DIRE Movement’s Future
Unless you’re willing to work more than 40 hours a week, build some side hustle income, generate some stable passive income, save aggressively, and continuously make shrewd investments for the long term, you have no chance of FIRE. And if you don’t do all these things and still decide to retire early, you will likely be screwed and join the reluctant DIRE camp.
Yes, some of you will decide to live like paupers and either delay or not have kids to keep expenses to a minimum to hold onto your FIRE dreams. However, for the majority who want to live more conventional lifestyles, it’s more important than ever to follow some key financial principles to increase your chances for financial independence.
If you are wise, you will embrace the realities of DIRE as the world heads south. Giving priority to caring for your family and delaying a super early retirement is the responsible thing to do. Don’t let FIRE FOMO foster irrational decision making.
Yes, if the economy gets really bad, there will be more face-saving by folks who say they are FIRE instead of admitting they got laid off and are drowning in a sea of despair. Just recognize not all is what it seems. If your passive income cannot comfortably cover your best life’s living expenses, you are not FIRE and only fooling yourself.
It’s time for the DIRE movement to rise up! I’m personally looking to head back to work, but I’m afraid after almost seven years of unemployment, nobody will hire my dire self.
Related: The Negatives Of Early Retirement Nobody Likes Talking About
Readers, are you ready to embrace the DIRE movement? Do you believe we are at peak FIRE? Do you believe DIRE will overtake FIRE as rational people adopt a more middle ground approach to early retirement, especially in a weakening economic environment?
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thewordonmainstreet · 5 years
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My Black Friday:  How Doug Ford’s Social Assistance Reform Will Ruin My Life
She was dressed like a devil and she really didn’t give many details. She delivered a speech that social assistance recipients like myself had waited 100 days to hear.  We tuned in from across the province all with our collective anxiety running high and fearing for immediate cuts.  Lisa MacLeod was all smiles as she delivered a plan to better the lives of social assistance recipients, her words not mine.  More like better the provincial deficit but putting a spin on it like it was all cuts dressed as compassion.  It was all pretty much ambiguous and I saw right through her questionable body language and redirection or outright rejection of reporter’s questions.  She’s known to be an angry, confrontational woman and I totally saw that yet she claims she’s a saviour to the poor.  Judging by comments that swiftly hit social media channels, she left all too many in a state of fear and uncertainty with her plan that was slim on details but weighty on positive rhetoric.  And as a person with anxiety knows all too well, anxiety breeds off of an environment of uncertainty and impending doom.  Nevermind those with anxiety conditions, those without anxiety get it when they don’t know what the hell is coming but know it’s not going to be good. 
What I was able to ascertain is that it’s going to get hella hard to get onto ODSP as the province adopts the federal definition of disability which is pretty much you cannot work, you just lie in bed all day, you cannot prepare meals, you need help to tie your shoes and you need to be supervised.  I just lost my Disability Tax Credit and will be losing the over $60,000 my Mom and the government have contributed as a result because my disability didn’t align with the federal government’s all in or none at all definition.  They pretty much want individuals who should be in an institution.  You can see the form here to see what I mean.  What the federal definition doesn’t take into account is that some disabilities are episodic and cyclical and this doesn’t allow for a grey area. This new provincial plan wants an all or nothing, you’re really bad and need a caregiver all the time or treatment 5 times a week or you can work and so you’re fine.  They’ll be no middle ground and that’s dangerous as heck.  Some people on ODSP can be fine one minute and on the ground in pain the next or fine one month and having a serious psychotic episode that lands them in the hospital the next month.  The proverbial sheep will be parted from the wolves so to speak all in a manner that isn’t thought out at all.  And some doctors who are pro-cost cutting will surely lie on the forms so to deny a patient benefits and I don’t even want to think about how evil this is.  But less is always more.  The less social assistance recipients get, the more they end up costing in shelters, policing, food banks and hospitals.  You can’t cut without seeing any bloodshed.  She said but in a questionable voice that those now on ODSP will be grandfathered.  Let’s hope that means we’ll keep our benefits.   It looks like I’m fine now and won’t lose my ODSP but what about those who will need the province’s support down the road?  They’ll be denied support and will possibly end up on the streets.  What’s clear is the MacLeod is trying to cull the ODSP rolls as we’re paid a higher rate than Ontario Works.  I know this will result in more frequent and rigid reviews on people like myself and cut people off down to Ontario Works. So for me, I’ll go from having my condo. to living in a room because Ontario Works only covers a room rental.  I’ll go from having it beyond hard already to lying in bed in the afternoon and just wanting to fucking kill myself.  All I ever want is to better my life, to work and to stop living on the fringes and have people look at me and think “oh, there’s a poor girl”.  Always so much interest in the poor huh?  We have so much interest that we never drop a dime in a panhandler’s hat.  Accident down the street?  No big deal.  Panhandler whose got tears in his eyes?  Oh, I’ve got to see this. I already don’t have a social life and am not connected to society other than sharing the same roads, telecommunication systems, prices, and services  The Ford government’s plan will keep me away from regular society even more.  $400.00 less in social benefits can really mess a person up.  Her plan about employment allows recipients to take one step ahead and end up two steps behind.  This new redesign allows recipients to earn $6,000 a year without deductions but above that, ODSP will take 75% of earnings.  Anything above that are you’re working for just over $3.00 an hour.  I did the math:  $6,000 a year divided by 12 months a year equals $500.00 a month.  So to keep the government’s hands off your money, you have to earn under $500.00 a month.  There’s no better time than to have a job but not a real job (i.e. a paper route or other meaningless part time job) than now.  Social assistance recipients live in the world but are not part of the world and this is another way the Conservatives want to keep us in poverty though they claim this new treatment of earnings will lift us out of poverty.  When the party you voted for starts to fuck with your money, it gets personal really fast.
I totally believe they’ll be zooming in on our lives and wanting to cut as many people off as soon as they can.  More and more will end up on the streets because the affordable housing supply and room rentals aren’t exactly an all you can eat buffet.  It can take 8 years on average to land a subsidized housing unit (that will be subject to bed bugs 4 times a year, drug deals going down outside your door, cooking odors that smell more like death, and repairs that never get done because the poor don’t deserve plumbing that works).  I can look forward to being more and more of a social reject and that one that people talk about because she’s on welfare.  Honest to God, being a welfare case makes you get attention.  People love a fuck up for a laugh.  And this is what the social assistance reform does to the poor.  It’s going to put many like me in far worse situations than we’re already in.  If I think I’m struggling now, holy hell, it’s nothing compared to what’s coming.  My mental health is bad enough already and not getting better.  Losing $400.00 a month and many of my possessions and comforts will take every gain I’ve ever made will render me far worse off than I’ve even been and where do I go from there?  Which supports will I even be able to access?  Is there a plan for that?  I don’t think so. There again, ambiguity.  Ford’s government is for the people: the people that don’t need a hand up.
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rebeccahpedersen · 6 years
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Should Housing Be Commoditized In Canada?
TorontoRealtyBlog
Have you ever heard of “Competitive Eating?”
It’s a sport.
A sport, in the same way that chess is a sport, but a sport nonetheless.
This sport is no slouch, either.  The sport has competitions, it has fans, it has a league (“Major League Eating”), and it has a regulatory body – the International Federation of Competitive Eating, or IFCE.
You just haven’t lived until you’ve seen Joey Chestnut eat hot dogs on the fourth of July.
Not only is this event filmed and documented, but it’s broadcast live on TV.
Live on, say, on some random channel that nobody subscribes to?
No.
Try ESPN.
Complete with commentators, analysis, and statistics on pace of eating.
Think I’m kidding?
Watch this – or at least part of it:
youtube
  A few years back, probably six or seven if I’m guessing, I saw a “competitive eater” interviewed on a late show, Jay Leno, David Letterman, or one of the others.
The audience could barely take it seriously.
The late-night host couldn’t stop laughing.
Everything the guest said was just so outrageous, especially because he was the only one who seemed to be taking it seriously.
Finally, the host simply put his cards on the table, and made a point that was seemingly indisputable:
“This ‘sport’ makes no sense to me.  We have people literally starving all around the world, and you guys are up on a stage, jamming food in your faces, trying to eat as much as you can, even though you don’t need the food – all for sport and amusement?”
Wow.  No arguing that point, right?
Amazingly, the guest responded, very calmly, very eloquently, and said,
“The only thing in the world that might rival a food shortage is an energy shortage, specifically oil and gas.  But every Sunday, you’ve got hundreds of cars in Indy, NASCAR, Formula One, driving around and around in circles, wasting millions of dollars of gasoline, all for sport, and amusement.”
Damn!
That guy was prepared!
And if the world was truly about efficiency, reducing waste, and supplying each and every human being with only that which they truly need, then neither competitive eating or auto racing would exist.
But the world isn’t like that.
It’s not within our genetic makeup.
Human beings are selfish by nature, and I believe that’s a trait that has evolved out of necessity, as we evolved from caveman and fought for survival.  Perhaps the selfishness has subsided over the last decade, century, or millennium, or, perhaps as the world has become more complicated, we’ve found new and improved ways to be more selfish.
Take your pick.
But in philosophical discussions about the fundamentals of capitalism, democracy, socialism, communism, et cetera, I’ve always maintained that true organic equality could never exist, because of the human nature that spawns desire, wants, self-preservation, and self-interest.
If a town of 100 people existed, and they all got along swimmingly, each contributing to the greater good, whether that’s paving roads, teaching children, or hunting/gathering, sooner or later, there’s at least one person that will want more.  And then either that person will want even more, or a second person will want more.  Or both.
That is human nature.
So is it really so unrealistic to expect that (gasp!) individuals across the world look at housing as an investment?
I’ve read multiple comments on my blog over the past couple of years about how housing should not be viewed as a commodity.
I’ve also seen this theme written about in major newspapers, and read about it in many, many letters to the editor, or op-ed’s.
Certain individuals in society would liken the purchase of housing as an investment, and a commodity, as a stab in the back to fellow mankind.  A house is for living in, not investing in.  A house is not a piece of gold, or an imaginary share certificate of a company, where hundreds of millions of other identical certificates exist.
A house is a home.
You don’t live in a share of stock, or a bar of gold.
I’ve even seen somebody, right here on this blog, compare the commoditization of housing to the illegal organ trade.
But even that trade can be debated, no?
I mean, are you not allowed to sell that which is yours?
Your kidney is yours, and nobody else’s.  Why can’t you sell it, if you so choose?
Now take that argument a step further: why is prostitution illegal?
Prostitution is the single-oldest industry on the planet.
Why is it illegal for a man or woman to use that which is theirs (body, mind, soul) for business purposes, specifically if a skill or other unique, valuable trait is used?
Personally, I believe that prostitution became illegal over time for two reasons: 1) the government is (or was at one time) the moral authority for every person in the state, who acts in the best interest of those people, and perhaps part of this decision stemmed from religion, 2) the act(s) generally go untaxed, and unregulated.
Morals change over time, and taxation evolves.
Prostitution is legal in many places in the world.
Marijuana is legal in Canada as of September.
I won’t be able to sell you my liver any time soon, but I believe part of the objection to a legal organ sale have to do with “fairness,” in that a poor person can’t afford $50,000 for a liver, and most governments do strive for equality.
So at the risk of this conversation becoming really weird, let me tie this all together.  There are many products or services which are illegal, many which are legal, and many that have been either/or, back-and-forth.  To some, the idea of housing as an investment is devilishly selfish, and to others, it’s common sense.
And as is often the case, when a product or service becomes more/less socially acceptable, the thoughts on the particular uses of that product or service change with public sentiment.
Until 2017, I had never heard anybody say, “Housing should not be allowed as an investment.  It should only be for living.”
But go back in time and tell a weary railroad worker in the 1880’s that one day, prostitution would be illegal, and he’s spit tobacco juice on your boot.
As real estate markets around the globe continue to get more expensive, and price more people out of the market completely, public sentiment surrounding housing as an investment will continue to shift.
In the same way that one would opine it’s unnecessary, selfish, greedy, immoral, and unnatural to waste oil and gas for a NASCAR race during a world energy crisis, or engage in gluttonous competitive eating when children are starving around the world, one might also believe that an individual in Toronto or Vancouver should not be able to own four condos as investments, when there is a housing crisis.
And do they make a bad point?
I spent Monday arguing “wants versus needs,” and nobody needs a second, third, or tenth investment property.  They want them.
As I said, it wasn’t until 2017 when I first heard of the idea of banning housing as a commodity.
I read this Globe & Mail article at the beginning of April, which was ironically right after that insane 3-month run-up in real estate prices:
“Housing Is A Human Right, Not A Commodity”
This was a special piece for the Globe, written by Leilani Farha, the UN Special Rapporteur on the right to adequate housing.
A couple of excerpts from the article:
Housing is now predominantly valued as a commodity, traded and sold on markets, promoted and invested in as a secure place to park unprecedented amounts of excess capital. The view of housing as a human dwelling, a place to raise families and thrive within a community, has largely been eroded. Despite its firm place in international human rights law, housing has lost its currency as a human right.
Ms. Farha refers to places like Toronto and Vancouver as “hedge cities,” and adds the following:
In hedge cities, housing prices have increased to levels that moderate- and low-income residents can barely afford. In the Greater Toronto Area, for example, in the last 30 years (1986 – 2016) housing prices have increased by 425 per cent, whereas in a similar 30-year period (1985 – 2015), average family income has only grown by 133 per cent. Housing prices have increased at three times the rate of income. No longer commensurate with household income levels, housing prices are driven instead by demand for high-end assets among global investors.
The closing statement is an emphatic one:
Whether it is taxation policy, land-use planning, zoning, or broader housing policy, decisions must be guided by the needs of residents for adequate, affordable and secure housing, as opposed to the financial security and gain of investors. Enjoyment of human rights would be the goal.
And so, what is presented as the private market gone mad is, in fact, something far more deliberate: the failure of governments to govern in a manner that is consistent with human rights. The solution requires a fundamental shift – one that prioritizes human interests over economic ones.
Right after this article was published, the Ontario government introduced their “Fair Housing Plan,” and the market cooled, then dropped.  The timing was rather ironic.
WIth the subsequent cooling of the market, does the idea of “housing as a human right, not as a commodity” lose momentum?  Do we only see merit in the idea if the market is red hot?
What if the market crashed across Canada, what then?  Would those in favour of the idea change their tune?  Is the idea only relevant when prices are high, and rising, and buyers are lamenting the market conditions?  What if it were the other way around, and sellers were complaining that there’s no market for their homes, and they only wished that somehow, people could buy houses and condos as an investment, not merely as a primary residence?
I suppose what I’m asking is: can the idea of “housing as a human right, not as a commodity” change over time, in the same way as public sentiment toward marijuana can?
Let’s not forget, we are less than two centuries removed from people as a commodity.  Sentiments change over time, no doubt.
Another argument for the idea of housing as a right, and not as a commodity, is that you can invest in the housing market without owning a house.  Some in the wealth management and financial services sector would actually argue it makes more sense to own a Real Estate Investment Trust.
Boardwalk REIT is a publicly traded trust that owns apartment buildings in Alberta, Saskatchewan, Ontario, and Quebec; almost 40,000 units of housing.  The company employs 1,300 people and was founded in 1984.
This REIT has risen approximately 25% in value in the past 12 months, and pays a 2% dividend annually.
There is no land transfer tax, real estate fees, or legal fees on the purchase/sale of this investment.  Just a $9.99 fee for trading ‘virtual real estate’ online, in seconds.
So would that satisfy society’s demand for “investing in real estate?”
Could the proponents of “housing as a right” argue this as a viable alternative?
I’ve asked many questions above, several for effect, some to get the juices flowing, and some, I suppose, to stir the pot.
I could probably be convinced, to some degree, that “housing as a commodity” is unfair, if comparisons were drawn to the change in societal views on other types of ownership (the aforementioned slavery as an example), but that would exist in theory only.
In practice, I would suggest that, “Real estate has served as an investment for some time, and I don’t see it changing, nor do I see a reason.”
And once, people thought the earth was flat…
I wouldn’t disagree that investors are partially responsible for appreciation in several of Canada’s real estate markets, but investors make up part of the demand pool.  And in any free market, I like seeing as little interference with respect to both supply and demand as possible.
As a proud Canadian, and at the risk of sounding like a populist, I can say that I firmly believe every Canadian should be afforded an advantage with regards to the purchase of housing as a residence, over those who reside internationally.  I won’t get into my thoughts on the foreign buyer’s tax, but I will say that Canada is not in the same league as other countries around the world, and thus our residents can’t play in the same game.  A dollar earned, and owned, by Mike from St. Catharines pales in comparison to that same dollar owned by somebody overseas, of another persuasion.
One might suggest that to restrict “real estate as an investment” to Canadians, fails to address “housing as a right, not as a commodity,” but I disagree.  It is, at the very least, a half-measure, which for many out there should be better than nothing.
I don’t agree with “housing as a right, not as a commodity.”
I never will.
But don’t be surprised to see this idea gain a lot of momentum in Toronto and Vancouver if our markets continue to rise, which I think they will.
The post Should Housing Be Commoditized In Canada? appeared first on Toronto Realty Blog.
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endlessarchite · 6 years
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A Most Thankful Year
Instead of the traditional Thanksgiving with family, I spent this year’s break in Saint Lucia for a friend’s vow renewal. In one of the most beautiful places I’ve ever seen, I found myself reflecting on a year to be very thankful for.
VERY personal post alert! If you like personal life updates, this is delving into things that I haven’t opened up about before. Those of you who only like the DIY stuff, that will be in the next post.
Hi, friends! I hope you enjoyed our little break over the Thanksgiving holiday. I spent mine in a rather unconventional way: watching two of my closest friends renew their vows of love and commitment to each other in St. Lucia. It was one of the most beautiful places I’ve ever seen in my lifetime:
I’ve been planning on taking this trip for little over a year. When I was first invited, the premise was that my friends were renting a villa in St. Lucia for renewing vows on their five-year anniversary. They had gotten married in a friend’s living room with only a handful of witnesses, so they decided the five-year mark was an opportunity to have a ceremony with immediate family, their closest friends, and enjoy a honeymoon all at once.
Since they would be covering most of the expenses while we were there, it would actually be much more manageable than I would have otherwise been able to afford (and so very generous of them, too — but how awesome is an alternative wedding like that, to instead spend their budget on something like this instead of a single day??). I was beyond excited, informed my family of my plans (sorry/not sorry?), and began setting money aside for the plane ticket.
The trip did not disappoint for even a single second.
I took hundreds of photos and video, so all of that will likely take a considerable period of time before everything is edited and ready to recap/upload. Unlike the “relaxing” beach vacation I am typically drawn to, this one was nonstop fun. We rented a catamaran, went snorkeling/scuba diving, rode ATVs down to black sand beaches (wait until you see me do donuts on a beach, ha!), hit up an organic pineapple farm (which has likely ruined pineapple for me forever… it dries out so much in transit and I had no idea), enjoyed fresh caught fish, and soaked up the sun like it would expire by the time I came home.
And that view. That pool.
The entire villa was open air, so it was, essentially, the most elaborate form of glamping I’ve ever witnessed. If I had to complain of anything at all (or just make a funny observation?), it’s that there was zero privacy. People can and will hear you taking a shower, snoring in your sleep, or any of the 283 other things you might be self-conscious about when there is nothing but fresh air, a drastic change to your American diet, and a few strategically-placed slats of wood to separate you from your buddy in the next room. A small price to pay, really.
But back to the main subject of this post: giving thanks. We had Thanksgiving dinner that Thursday evening, replacing the traditional meal with fresh-caught tuna and local produce prepared by the house manager (we enjoyed her amazing cooking throughout the week — she was incredible). We went around the table, each expressing the many blessings we were thankful for; the loved ones we missed and wished were there to enjoy it with us; events and changes that we were either grateful to have embraced or ready to be rid of. If anything, being in a place like this, it was even more apparent to me of the year I’ve had and how distant a year ago can be.
A Year of Good Fortune
I am thankful for my work/blog/career path.
Blogging and freelance is such a bubble. It makes sense as a blogger to talk about blogging on my blog. But in person, I try to be tight-lipped about it, because it’s clumsy. For many, blogging is not a proper job; to express it as a legitimate occupation can lead to shared glances, mocked interest, or even air quotes. This perception has sometimes been from family, or close friends, or even significant others. As you might imagine, that can suck and lead to self-doubt. I get asked by strangers or near-strangers to get them things for free or to advertise their businesses for free. What’s supposed to be the quick intro at social events (“What do you do?” “Engineer, you?” “Blogger.”) often devolves into the same 20-question spiel of how you make money, no exactly how, no I mean where do the paychecks come from??? conversation that makes me both squirm and feel like an ass because there goes Sarah talking about blogging again.
I get where that skepticism comes from. I’ve thought it myself in periods of self-doubt. My point is, outward judgment — of any kind, so this is not exclusive to blogging — can eat at you unless you build up a thick skin for it. This year, I think I’ve done a much better job of not apologizing for what makes me happy.
Every job has a negative aspect or two. To me, this is just the price of an otherwise amazing, awesome job that I consider myself very, very lucky to have. With fellow bloggers or my friends/family who support what I do, it’s so much fun to talk about something I feel so passionate about (it shows, obnoxiously so), celebrate the latest sponsor under contract or another business goal achieved. I worked at something that actually became something. That’s so damn cool.
I am incredibly grateful for that support, those opportunities, and that I do something that has allowed me to meet people all over the country who feel just as passionate about what they do. I love hearing from readers who used one of my tutorials to transform their homes. Or meet a reader in person. Or brainstorm over the latest project. Or just plain create something. For all of those things, I’ll gladly take on the arrogant jerk who walks away mid-sentence because I said I was a blogger. This year was a good year for me. I will continue working hard, and especially because I love what I do.
I am thankful for my family, friends, and my support system.
For several years at the beginning of this blog, I didn’t do much dating. I was in an exhausting push to get myself through grad school — not much time between a full-time job, full-time school hours, building the blog into a business, etc. In 2016, I found myself very suddenly head over heels for a guy who I thought was smart, kind, and funny. My friends and family met him and were happy for me, but it also moved way too fast. I ignored red flags and my overall uneasiness (I was frequently nauseated but couldn’t figure out why). He ended things just as suddenly as it began several months later, and I was very hurt over the feelings of betrayal and the deliberate cruelty in which he seemed to speak and act. Breakups are hard in general, and I’m mindful of how one-sided recapping any details would be… so suffice it to say that a good chunk of 2016 was pretty rough.
Those of you who read my blog during that time already know the above, but what you might not know is that the stress of it all significantly impacted my health at the time. The nausea I’d been feeling for months intensified. At its zenith, I had a hard time keeping food down. I was also drinking way too much and losing weight — which was kind of confusing. As a woman, being showered with those kinds of “You look great! Wow, you’ve lost so much weight!” compliments and knowing that they weren’t from positive circumstances had an odd effect (and maybe added more self-doubt?).
I had never experienced stress to this level, but knew without it subsiding on its own, I needed to find help. That’s when I discovered the Talkspace app and subscribed. Over the next month I matched with a licensed expert and had ample opportunity to discuss things with an unbiased point of view. The anxiety I was experiencing began to lessen, and I got back into healthier habits. I ran with my running group more frequently to channel the extra stress. I started meditating every morning to clarify my thoughts (I was very skeptical, but it worked extremely well — the Headspace app is very good too, just FYI!). Between the bad habits and the good, I dropped about 20 pounds. Some of it, I kept off through the exercise; some, I gained back from more normal eating. On my 5’2″ frame, the change was pretty noticeable.
November 2016
I don’t know why it was such a surprise, but my closest friends — and several of the mutual ones between this guy and I — showed me such incredible kindness during this period that I am still in awe of it. The couple I mentioned with their vow renewal? They sat and listened whenever I needed. They cooked when I had a lack of appetite. The other friends who were on this Saint Lucia trip? They invited me out, kept me active, and were just plain there. They were also the first to make silly, petty observations that made me chuckle (“never trust a guy who’s that bad at pool,” that sort of thing… it strangely meant a lot). Countless other friends and family boosted me up. Went running with me. Met me for a drink. Dealt with my overall assholishness at times (and allowed me to apologize). Hosted me for a visit. Made me laugh. I don’t know how I managed to gain such amazing people around me, but grateful for their love and support is an understatement. Even now, I feel humbled and a little teary-eyed.
I am thankful to fall in love again.
For a while, I felt a little raw and stung. I tried jumping back into dating, but I wasn’t at all able. Those first few dates during that time weren’t even awful or funny or interesting — they just were. Despite wanting to move the hell on, my sense of detachment told me that I couldn’t/shouldn’t force it. I didn’t want to use anyone to help me get over someone else; that would make me a terrible person if I had.
It didn’t really seem all that strange to revert back to solo life — I was plenty used to it. I dove into work, and it wound up better than ever. There was plenty of entrepreneurial drive to spare — with the added layer of just wanting to focus on something else — and it felt good to see physical results from my efforts (especially when the emotional ones were much harder to measure). I felt renewed creativity and wrote a lot, though plenty of it was about those emotional pitfalls (these were for my own use and not published on the blog).
Eventually, I’d packaged up the mental gymnastics of the past year to make room for someone else. I was finally excited about the idea of dating and love again. Christmas was going to be coming soon enough, and I gave online dating another shot. I went out for a drink with a random dude whose profile had a cute beard and nice eyes. I felt comfortable enough to make him laugh, and he genuinely laughed — a good sign, and something that felt familiar.
We were about halfway through a drink before he asked me to his company’s Christmas party. He joked about how much fun of him his coworkers made of him being dateless the previous year. I found it both charming, silly, and surprising; he asked so suddenly, I almost thought he meant he wanted me to go later that night, like he was on his way to it and meeting me for a drink just before. That wasn’t the case of course, but the thought of it made me laugh hysterically. We went out on a few actual dates before the party, but it was fun.
Over the next few months, K’s quick wit, patience, and ability to make me laugh melted my bruised feelings. I fell in love again. Charlie gained a new best friend (I think it’s now tied between K and my dad). His dog Stella, whom you’ve already met, gave her own seal of approval of us immediately (her reactions to Charlie when they haven’t seen each other in a while are hilarious — as though she doesn’t want to admit that she missed her, so she gets almost imperceptible nods in her direction, while Charlie is instantly happier to have Stella around).
I became less active for a while, which gained back more weight (new relationships = couch potato). We’ve become more active again as of late, and I am very happy to have met K. If 2016 taught me humility and that I have more space in my heart than I realized, 2017 showed me how to fill it again.
I am thankful for so much more.
Many of you guys have sent emails, left comments, and messaged on other social channels in the last year. When I spoke of 2016’s hardships before, a lot of you showed me an incredible about of support; for that, I am very, very grateful you took the time to do it. And even though I say it every year, I just want you to know how much I appreciate that you read along regardless of the reason — for the personal posts, or just the DIY tutorials, or maybe if you’re a new reader who is learning how to adult and cook at home more (like I have recently!). My appreciation for you guys sticking around never stops being true. Every time I hear about one of your projects or when you give input, I just love it. K knows when it happens, too — he says he hears it in my voice.
I am thankful my friends and family were happy for me to get away. And again when they gave me crap for missing Thanksgiving (guilt is love, at least in my Catholic family!). I gained a new appreciation for my parents’ willingness to travel with me as a kid; it made me realize what a missed opportunity this would have been.
I’ve found myself very grateful for a lot of things this year. When possible, I’ve tried to tell others the same. But staring the pitons in St. Lucia and counting my blessings all over again, it just made sense.
I hope you all had a wonderful Thanksgiving (Canada, this is a month late, but same). I realize 2017 has been rough for many, but I hope you also had things to still be thankful for. I’ll be posting a BIG DIY update to the dining room this week, so check back in soon!
What were you thankful for this year?
The post A Most Thankful Year appeared first on The Ugly Duckling House.
A Most Thankful Year published first on http://ift.tt/2qxZz2j
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sherlocklexa · 6 years
Text
A Most Thankful Year
Instead of the traditional Thanksgiving with family, I spent this year’s break in Saint Lucia for a friend’s vow renewal. In one of the most beautiful places I’ve ever seen, I found myself reflecting on a year to be very thankful for.
VERY personal post alert! If you like personal life updates, this is delving into things that I haven’t opened up about before. Those of you who only like the DIY stuff, that will be in the next post.
Hi, friends! I hope you enjoyed our little break over the Thanksgiving holiday. I spent mine in a rather unconventional way: watching two of my closest friends renew their vows of love and commitment to each other in St. Lucia. It was one of the most beautiful places I’ve ever seen in my lifetime:
I’ve been planning on taking this trip for little over a year. When I was first invited, the premise was that my friends were renting a villa in St. Lucia for renewing vows on their five-year anniversary. They had gotten married in a friend’s living room with only a handful of witnesses, so they decided the five-year mark was an opportunity to have a ceremony with immediate family, their closest friends, and enjoy a honeymoon all at once.
Since they would be covering most of the expenses while we were there, it would actually be much more manageable than I would have otherwise been able to afford (and so very generous of them, too — but how awesome is an alternative wedding like that, to instead spend their budget on something like this instead of a single day??). I was beyond excited, informed my family of my plans (sorry/not sorry?), and began setting money aside for the plane ticket.
The trip did not disappoint for even a single second.
I took hundreds of photos and video, so all of that will likely take a considerable period of time before everything is edited and ready to recap/upload. Unlike the “relaxing” beach vacation I am typically drawn to, this one was nonstop fun. We rented a catamaran, went snorkeling/scuba diving, rode ATVs down to black sand beaches (wait until you see me do donuts on a beach, ha!), hit up an organic pineapple farm (which has likely ruined pineapple for me forever… it dries out so much in transit and I had no idea), enjoyed fresh caught fish, and soaked up the sun like it would expire by the time I came home.
And that view. That pool.
The entire villa was open air, so it was, essentially, the most elaborate form of glamping I’ve ever witnessed. If I had to complain of anything at all (or just make a funny observation?), it’s that there was zero privacy. People can and will hear you taking a shower, snoring in your sleep, or any of the 283 other things you might be self-conscious about when there is nothing but fresh air, a drastic change to your American diet, and a few strategically-placed slats of wood to separate you from your buddy in the next room. A small price to pay, really.
But back to the main subject of this post: giving thanks. We had Thanksgiving dinner that Thursday evening, replacing the traditional meal with fresh-caught tuna and local produce prepared by the house manager (we enjoyed her amazing cooking throughout the week — she was incredible). We went around the table, each expressing the many blessings we were thankful for; the loved ones we missed and wished were there to enjoy it with us; events and changes that we were either grateful to have embraced or ready to be rid of. If anything, being in a place like this, it was even more apparent to me of the year I’ve had and how distant a year ago can be.
A Year of Good Fortune
I am thankful for my work/blog/career path.
Blogging and freelance is such a bubble. It makes sense as a blogger to talk about blogging on my blog. But in person, I try to be tight-lipped about it, because it’s clumsy. For many, blogging is not a proper job; to express it as a legitimate occupation can lead to shared glances, mocked interest, or even air quotes. This perception has sometimes been from family, or close friends, or even significant others. As you might imagine, that can suck and lead to self-doubt. I get asked by strangers or near-strangers to get them things for free or to advertise their businesses for free. What’s supposed to be the quick intro at social events (“What do you do?” “Engineer, you?” “Blogger.”) often devolves into the same 20-question spiel of how you make money, no exactly how, no I mean where do the paychecks come from??? conversation that makes me both squirm and feel like an ass because there goes Sarah talking about blogging again.
I get where that skepticism comes from. I’ve thought it myself in periods of self-doubt. My point is, outward judgment — of any kind, so this is not exclusive to blogging — can eat at you unless you build up a thick skin for it. This year, I think I’ve done a much better job of not apologizing for what makes me happy.
Every job has a negative aspect or two. To me, this is just the price of an otherwise amazing, awesome job that I consider myself very, very lucky to have. With fellow bloggers or my friends/family who support what I do, it’s so much fun to talk about something I feel so passionate about (it shows, obnoxiously so), celebrate the latest sponsor under contract or another business goal achieved. I worked at something that actually became something. That’s so damn cool.
I am incredibly grateful for that support, those opportunities, and that I do something that has allowed me to meet people all over the country who feel just as passionate about what they do. I love hearing from readers who used one of my tutorials to transform their homes. Or meet a reader in person. Or brainstorm over the latest project. Or just plain create something. For all of those things, I’ll gladly take on the arrogant jerk who walks away mid-sentence because I said I was a blogger. This year was a good year for me. I will continue working hard, and especially because I love what I do.
I am thankful for my family, friends, and my support system.
For several years at the beginning of this blog, I didn’t do much dating. I was in an exhausting push to get myself through grad school — not much time between a full-time job, full-time school hours, building the blog into a business, etc. In 2016, I found myself very suddenly head over heels for a guy who I thought was smart, kind, and funny. My friends and family met him and were happy for me, but it also moved way too fast. I ignored red flags and my overall uneasiness (I was frequently nauseated but couldn’t figure out why). He ended things just as suddenly as it began several months later, and I was very hurt over the feelings of betrayal and the deliberate cruelty in which he seemed to speak and act. Breakups are hard in general, and I’m mindful of how one-sided recapping any details would be… so suffice it to say that a good chunk of 2016 was pretty rough.
Those of you who read my blog during that time already know the above, but what you might not know is that the stress of it all significantly impacted my health at the time. The nausea I’d been feeling for months intensified. At its zenith, I had a hard time keeping food down. I was also drinking way too much and losing weight — which was kind of confusing. As a woman, being showered with those kinds of “You look great! Wow, you’ve lost so much weight!” compliments and knowing that they weren’t from positive circumstances had an odd effect (and maybe added more self-doubt?).
I had never experienced stress to this level, but knew without it subsiding on its own, I needed to find help. That’s when I discovered the Talkspace app and subscribed. Over the next month I matched with a licensed expert and had ample opportunity to discuss things with an unbiased point of view. The anxiety I was experiencing began to lessen, and I got back into healthier habits. I ran with my running group more frequently to channel the extra stress. I started meditating every morning to clarify my thoughts (I was very skeptical, but it worked extremely well — the Headspace app is very good too, just FYI!). Between the bad habits and the good, I dropped about 20 pounds. Some of it, I kept off through the exercise; some, I gained back from more normal eating. On my 5’2″ frame, the change was pretty noticeable.
November 2016
I don’t know why it was such a surprise, but my closest friends — and several of the mutual ones between this guy and I — showed me such incredible kindness during this period that I am still in awe of it. The couple I mentioned with their vow renewal? They sat and listened whenever I needed. They cooked when I had a lack of appetite. The other friends who were on this Saint Lucia trip? They invited me out, kept me active, and were just plain there. They were also the first to make silly, petty observations that made me chuckle (“never trust a guy who’s that bad at pool,” that sort of thing… it strangely meant a lot). Countless other friends and family boosted me up. Went running with me. Met me for a drink. Dealt with my overall assholishness at times (and allowed me to apologize). Hosted me for a visit. Made me laugh. I don’t know how I managed to gain such amazing people around me, but grateful for their love and support is an understatement. Even now, I feel humbled and a little teary-eyed.
I am thankful to fall in love again.
For a while, I felt a little raw and stung. I tried jumping back into dating, but I wasn’t at all able. Those first few dates during that time weren’t even awful or funny or interesting — they just were. Despite wanting to move the hell on, my sense of detachment told me that I couldn’t/shouldn’t force it. I didn’t want to use anyone to help me get over someone else; that would make me a terrible person if I had.
It didn’t really seem all that strange to revert back to solo life — I was plenty used to it. I dove into work, and it wound up better than ever. There was plenty of entrepreneurial drive to spare — with the added layer of just wanting to focus on something else — and it felt good to see physical results from my efforts (especially when the emotional ones were much harder to measure). I felt renewed creativity and wrote a lot, though plenty of it was about those emotional pitfalls (these were for my own use and not published on the blog).
Eventually, I’d packaged up the mental gymnastics of the past year to make room for someone else. I was finally excited about the idea of dating and love again. Christmas was going to be coming soon enough, and I gave online dating another shot. I went out for a drink with a random dude whose profile had a cute beard and nice eyes. I felt comfortable enough to make him laugh, and he genuinely laughed — a good sign, and something that felt familiar.
We were about halfway through a drink before he asked me to his company’s Christmas party. He joked about how much fun of him his coworkers made of him being dateless the previous year. I found it both charming, silly, and surprising; he asked so suddenly, I almost thought he meant he wanted me to go later that night, like he was on his way to it and meeting me for a drink just before. That wasn’t the case of course, but the thought of it made me laugh hysterically. We went out on a few actual dates before the party, but it was fun.
Over the next few months, K’s quick wit, patience, and ability to make me laugh melted my bruised feelings. I fell in love again. Charlie gained a new best friend (I think it’s now tied between K and my dad). His dog Stella, whom you’ve already met, gave her own seal of approval of us immediately (her reactions to Charlie when they haven’t seen each other in a while are hilarious — as though she doesn’t want to admit that she missed her, so she gets almost imperceptible nods in her direction, while Charlie is instantly happier to have Stella around).
I became less active for a while, which gained back more weight (new relationships = couch potato). We’ve become more active again as of late, and I am very happy to have met K. If 2016 taught me humility and that I have more space in my heart than I realized, 2017 showed me how to fill it again.
I am thankful for so much more.
Many of you guys have sent emails, left comments, and messaged on other social channels in the last year. When I spoke of 2016’s hardships before, a lot of you showed me an incredible about of support; for that, I am very, very grateful you took the time to do it. And even though I say it every year, I just want you to know how much I appreciate that you read along regardless of the reason — for the personal posts, or just the DIY tutorials, or maybe if you’re a new reader who is learning how to adult and cook at home more (like I have recently!). My appreciation for you guys sticking around never stops being true. Every time I hear about one of your projects or when you give input, I just love it. K knows when it happens, too — he says he hears it in my voice.
I am thankful my friends and family were happy for me to get away. And again when they gave me crap for missing Thanksgiving (guilt is love, at least in my Catholic family!). I gained a new appreciation for my parents’ willingness to travel with me as a kid; it made me realize what a missed opportunity this would have been.
I’ve found myself very grateful for a lot of things this year. When possible, I’ve tried to tell others the same. But staring the pitons in St. Lucia and counting my blessings all over again, it just made sense.
I hope you all had a wonderful Thanksgiving (Canada, this is a month late, but same). I realize 2017 has been rough for many, but I hope you also had things to still be thankful for. I’ll be posting a BIG DIY update to the dining room this week, so check back in soon!
What were you thankful for this year?
The post A Most Thankful Year appeared first on The Ugly Duckling House.
from car2 http://ift.tt/2BzcG85 via as shown a lot
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chocdono · 6 years
Text
A Most Thankful Year
Instead of the traditional Thanksgiving with family, I spent this year’s break in Saint Lucia for a friend’s vow renewal. In one of the most beautiful places I’ve ever seen, I found myself reflecting on a year to be very thankful for.
VERY personal post alert! If you like personal life updates, this is delving into things that I haven’t opened up about before. Those of you who only like the DIY stuff, that will be in the next post.
Hi, friends! I hope you enjoyed our little break over the Thanksgiving holiday. I spent mine in a rather unconventional way: watching two of my closest friends renew their vows of love and commitment to each other in St. Lucia. It was one of the most beautiful places I’ve ever seen in my lifetime:
I’ve been planning on taking this trip for little over a year. When I was first invited, the premise was that my friends were renting a villa in St. Lucia for renewing vows on their five-year anniversary. They had gotten married in a friend’s living room with only a handful of witnesses, so they decided the five-year mark was an opportunity to have a ceremony with immediate family, their closest friends, and enjoy a honeymoon all at once.
Since they would be covering most of the expenses while we were there, it would actually be much more manageable than I would have otherwise been able to afford (and so very generous of them, too — but how awesome is an alternative wedding like that, to instead spend their budget on something like this instead of a single day??). I was beyond excited, informed my family of my plans (sorry/not sorry?), and began setting money aside for the plane ticket.
The trip did not disappoint for even a single second.
I took hundreds of photos and video, so all of that will likely take a considerable period of time before everything is edited and ready to recap/upload. Unlike the “relaxing” beach vacation I am typically drawn to, this one was nonstop fun. We rented a catamaran, went snorkeling/scuba diving, rode ATVs down to black sand beaches (wait until you see me do donuts on a beach, ha!), hit up an organic pineapple farm (which has likely ruined pineapple for me forever… it dries out so much in transit and I had no idea), enjoyed fresh caught fish, and soaked up the sun like it would expire by the time I came home.
And that view. That pool.
The entire villa was open air, so it was, essentially, the most elaborate form of glamping I’ve ever witnessed. If I had to complain of anything at all (or just make a funny observation?), it’s that there was zero privacy. People can and will hear you taking a shower, snoring in your sleep, or any of the 283 other things you might be self-conscious about when there is nothing but fresh air, a drastic change to your American diet, and a few strategically-placed slats of wood to separate you from your buddy in the next room. A small price to pay, really.
But back to the main subject of this post: giving thanks. We had Thanksgiving dinner that Thursday evening, replacing the traditional meal with fresh-caught tuna and local produce prepared by the house manager (we enjoyed her amazing cooking throughout the week — she was incredible). We went around the table, each expressing the many blessings we were thankful for; the loved ones we missed and wished were there to enjoy it with us; events and changes that we were either grateful to have embraced or ready to be rid of. If anything, being in a place like this, it was even more apparent to me of the year I’ve had and how distant a year ago can be.
A Year of Good Fortune
I am thankful for my work/blog/career path.
Blogging and freelance is such a bubble. It makes sense as a blogger to talk about blogging on my blog. But in person, I try to be tight-lipped about it, because it’s clumsy. For many, blogging is not a proper job; to express it as a legitimate occupation can lead to shared glances, mocked interest, or even air quotes. This perception has sometimes been from family, or close friends, or even significant others. As you might imagine, that can suck and lead to self-doubt. I get asked by strangers or near-strangers to get them things for free or to advertise their businesses for free. What’s supposed to be the quick intro at social events (“What do you do?” “Engineer, you?” “Blogger.”) often devolves into the same 20-question spiel of how you make money, no exactly how, no I mean where do the paychecks come from??? conversation that makes me both squirm and feel like an ass because there goes Sarah talking about blogging again.
I get where that skepticism comes from. I’ve thought it myself in periods of self-doubt. My point is, outward judgment — of any kind, so this is not exclusive to blogging — can eat at you unless you build up a thick skin for it. This year, I think I’ve done a much better job of not apologizing for what makes me happy.
Every job has a negative aspect or two. To me, this is just the price of an otherwise amazing, awesome job that I consider myself very, very lucky to have. With fellow bloggers or my friends/family who support what I do, it’s so much fun to talk about something I feel so passionate about (it shows, obnoxiously so), celebrate the latest sponsor under contract or another business goal achieved. I worked at something that actually became something. That’s so damn cool.
I am incredibly grateful for that support, those opportunities, and that I do something that has allowed me to meet people all over the country who feel just as passionate about what they do. I love hearing from readers who used one of my tutorials to transform their homes. Or meet a reader in person. Or brainstorm over the latest project. Or just plain create something. For all of those things, I’ll gladly take on the arrogant jerk who walks away mid-sentence because I said I was a blogger. This year was a good year for me. I will continue working hard, and especially because I love what I do.
I am thankful for my family, friends, and my support system.
For several years at the beginning of this blog, I didn’t do much dating. I was in an exhausting push to get myself through grad school — not much time between a full-time job, full-time school hours, building the blog into a business, etc. In 2016, I found myself very suddenly head over heels for a guy who I thought was smart, kind, and funny. My friends and family met him and were happy for me, but it also moved way too fast. I ignored red flags and my overall uneasiness (I was frequently nauseated but couldn’t figure out why). He ended things just as suddenly as it began several months later, and I was very hurt over the feelings of betrayal and the deliberate cruelty in which he seemed to speak and act. Breakups are hard in general, and I’m mindful of how one-sided recapping any details would be… so suffice it to say that a good chunk of 2016 was pretty rough.
Those of you who read my blog during that time already know the above, but what you might not know is that the stress of it all significantly impacted my health at the time. The nausea I’d been feeling for months intensified. At its zenith, I had a hard time keeping food down. I was also drinking way too much and losing weight — which was kind of confusing. As a woman, being showered with those kinds of “You look great! Wow, you’ve lost so much weight!” compliments and knowing that they weren’t from positive circumstances had an odd effect (and maybe added more self-doubt?).
I had never experienced stress to this level, but knew without it subsiding on its own, I needed to find help. That’s when I discovered the Talkspace app and subscribed. Over the next month I matched with a licensed expert and had ample opportunity to discuss things with an unbiased point of view. The anxiety I was experiencing began to lessen, and I got back into healthier habits. I ran with my running group more frequently to channel the extra stress. I started meditating every morning to clarify my thoughts (I was very skeptical, but it worked extremely well — the Headspace app is very good too, just FYI!). Between the bad habits and the good, I dropped about 20 pounds. Some of it, I kept off through the exercise; some, I gained back from more normal eating. On my 5’2″ frame, the change was pretty noticeable.
November 2016
I don’t know why it was such a surprise, but my closest friends — and several of the mutual ones between this guy and I — showed me such incredible kindness during this period that I am still in awe of it. The couple I mentioned with their vow renewal? They sat and listened whenever I needed. They cooked when I had a lack of appetite. The other friends who were on this Saint Lucia trip? They invited me out, kept me active, and were just plain there. They were also the first to make silly, petty observations that made me chuckle (“never trust a guy who’s that bad at pool,” that sort of thing… it strangely meant a lot). Countless other friends and family boosted me up. Went running with me. Met me for a drink. Dealt with my overall assholishness at times (and allowed me to apologize). Hosted me for a visit. Made me laugh. I don’t know how I managed to gain such amazing people around me, but grateful for their love and support is an understatement. Even now, I feel humbled and a little teary-eyed.
I am thankful to fall in love again.
For a while, I felt a little raw and stung. I tried jumping back into dating, but I wasn’t at all able. Those first few dates during that time weren’t even awful or funny or interesting — they just were. Despite wanting to move the hell on, my sense of detachment told me that I couldn’t/shouldn’t force it. I didn’t want to use anyone to help me get over someone else; that would make me a terrible person if I had.
It didn’t really seem all that strange to revert back to solo life — I was plenty used to it. I dove into work, and it wound up better than ever. There was plenty of entrepreneurial drive to spare — with the added layer of just wanting to focus on something else — and it felt good to see physical results from my efforts (especially when the emotional ones were much harder to measure). I felt renewed creativity and wrote a lot, though plenty of it was about those emotional pitfalls (these were for my own use and not published on the blog).
Eventually, I’d packaged up the mental gymnastics of the past year to make room for someone else. I was finally excited about the idea of dating and love again. Christmas was going to be coming soon enough, and I gave online dating another shot. I went out for a drink with a random dude whose profile had a cute beard and nice eyes. I felt comfortable enough to make him laugh, and he genuinely laughed — a good sign, and something that felt familiar.
We were about halfway through a drink before he asked me to his company’s Christmas party. He joked about how much fun of him his coworkers made of him being dateless the previous year. I found it both charming, silly, and surprising; he asked so suddenly, I almost thought he meant he wanted me to go later that night, like he was on his way to it and meeting me for a drink just before. That wasn’t the case of course, but the thought of it made me laugh hysterically. We went out on a few actual dates before the party, but it was fun.
Over the next few months, K’s quick wit, patience, and ability to make me laugh melted my bruised feelings. I fell in love again. Charlie gained a new best friend (I think it’s now tied between K and my dad). His dog Stella, whom you’ve already met, gave her own seal of approval of us immediately (her reactions to Charlie when they haven’t seen each other in a while are hilarious — as though she doesn’t want to admit that she missed her, so she gets almost imperceptible nods in her direction, while Charlie is instantly happier to have Stella around).
I became less active for a while, which gained back more weight (new relationships = couch potato). We’ve become more active again as of late, and I am very happy to have met K. If 2016 taught me humility and that I have more space in my heart than I realized, 2017 showed me how to fill it again.
I am thankful for so much more.
Many of you guys have sent emails, left comments, and messaged on other social channels in the last year. When I spoke of 2016’s hardships before, a lot of you showed me an incredible about of support; for that, I am very, very grateful you took the time to do it. And even though I say it every year, I just want you to know how much I appreciate that you read along regardless of the reason — for the personal posts, or just the DIY tutorials, or maybe if you’re a new reader who is learning how to adult and cook at home more (like I have recently!). My appreciation for you guys sticking around never stops being true. Every time I hear about one of your projects or when you give input, I just love it. K knows when it happens, too — he says he hears it in my voice.
I am thankful my friends and family were happy for me to get away. And again when they gave me crap for missing Thanksgiving (guilt is love, at least in my Catholic family!). I gained a new appreciation for my parents’ willingness to travel with me as a kid; it made me realize what a missed opportunity this would have been.
I’ve found myself very grateful for a lot of things this year. When possible, I’ve tried to tell others the same. But staring the pitons in St. Lucia and counting my blessings all over again, it just made sense.
I hope you all had a wonderful Thanksgiving (Canada, this is a month late, but same). I realize 2017 has been rough for many, but I hope you also had things to still be thankful for. I’ll be posting a BIG DIY update to the dining room this week, so check back in soon!
What were you thankful for this year?
The post A Most Thankful Year appeared first on The Ugly Duckling House.
from mix1 http://ift.tt/2BzcG85 via with this info
0 notes
samuelfields · 5 years
Text
Move Over FIRE, Welcome DIRE: Delay, Inherit, Retire, Expire
When I first started writing about achieving  financial independence early in 2009, I never thought the FIRE movement would reach such a huge level of interest a decade later. After all, only misfits decide to aggressively forgo material pleasures, save 50% or more of their incomes, and retire from well-paying jobs in their 30s.
Back in 2009, the “lifestyle design” movement was all the rage because people were getting blown out of their jobs left and right. Some people went back to graduate school to save face. Others decided to start lifestyle businesses after getting laid off. I figured there was a good chance my head would also roll, which is one reason why I started Financial Samurai that summer.
Thanks to a raging bull market that ensued, life turned out fine and the FIRE movement picked up steam. Today, we are at peak FIRE, perhaps similar to peak crypto reached in December 2017. Unfortunately, when you’re at the peak, there’s usually nowhere to go but down.
Growing Angst Against Financial Independence
You know we’re at peak fire because the mass media has latched onto FIRE like a rabid dog which hasn’t eaten in weeks. Not a day goes by where there isn’t a new story about someone leaving a job early and how they did it.
As an investor, we know that by the time big media gets hold, it’s often too late to invest. Rather, it’s likely a more opportune time to sell. Just think about Uber and Lyft finally filing to IPO in 2019. After all the easy money has been made as private companies, they’re hoping to finally cash out to public investors.
My job as an investor and as a personal finance writer is to do my best to forecast the future. Writing about what may happen is infinitely more interesting (and risky) than writing about the past. Forecasting the future challenges your mind and could make you a rich hero or a broke fool with egg on your face.
But as with everything in life, no risk, no reward. Today, my crystal ball is saying the FIRE movement is in for a rude awakening.
On the one hand, there is growing disdain against the FIRE movement from the majority of Americans who will never reach financial independence. With the median household income going nowhere over the past 10 years, it’s been hard for middle-class Americans to get ahead. Further, the average American has a pitiful amount saved in their retirement accounts.
When you’ve been spinning your wheels for so long, all this brouhaha about people retiring early to live fabulous lives in their mom’s basement while posting fake Instagram pictures about their amazing lives starts to get mighty annoying after a while. Annoyance turns into rage and a new movement is born.
On the other side are FIRE practitioners who are finding out that not all is sunshine and rainbows once they’ve quit a stable job with wonderful benefits. With a slowdown in the economy on the horizon, things are not looking good.
The DIRE Movement Is Created
The Fed is on a mission to suffocate the economy with more rate hikes. The current administration wants to further escalate trade wars because of alpha male ego, no matter how adversely it affects the stock market. Meanwhile, the housing market has gone past its peak and will likely continue to be in the doldrums for the next several years.
When a downturn hits, if it hasn’t already, it’s an inevitability that FIRE followers will be forced to go back to work and earn their retirements the old-fashioned way. Some might even say FIRE during a recession stands for Foolish Idealist Returns to Employer.
However, as long as we keep the FIRE acronym alive, we give hope to its original meaning. But when all is lost, false hope only gets people into further trouble. Therefore, let’s eliminate FIRE entirely from our psyche so that we can finally make a change!
Let me introduce the newest retirement movement to the world: DIRE. As a realist who sees the future, it is all but a certainty the DIRE movement will supplant the FIRE movement as the retirement path of choice. Let’s find out why.
D Is For Delay
For most people, delaying retirement due to the rapid rise in costs for housing, healthcare, and education is the only way to survive.
Given the median household income has stayed stagnant at around $61,000 for the past decade while the median house price in America has risen from $177,000 to $222,000 during the same period (26% increase), housing has become less affordable. In some cities, real estate prices have appreciated so quickly that most residents have no hope of ever owning.
Median household income has gone nowhere in 20 years
Healthcare costs are out of control, especially if you plan to carry the entire monthly premium burden yourself. The average total healthcare cost is now almost $20,000 a year, subsidized mostly by the employer. Once you’re out of a job, the entire $20,000 cost falls upon you unless you have a low enough income to qualify for subsidies. For my family of three, I pay $1,760 a month, or $21,120 a year for a platinum plan. None of us are overweight or have any serious chronic illnesses either.
Education costs, specifically college tuition has grown unbearable with annual tuition increases averaging 5% – 7%, regardless of a recession or not. That’s a doubling of tuition every 10 – 15 years. Good luck retiring early if you’ve got to pay $50,000 – $100,000 a year for four or five years for even just a single child.
For parents with kids, retiring early will be all but a pipe dream. There will always be at least one parent working full-time to earn a steady income and have subsidized health care. The non-working parent can shout they are FIRE as loud as they want, but nobody will buy it. Being a stay at home dad or mom is nothing to be ashamed about, yet for the man especially, he can’t seem to accept his new reality of living off his wife’s income.
I Is For Inherit
With no hope of retiring early, many Americans are counting on an inheritance as their retirement strategy. With 25 as the median age when parents had kids in 1970 and the median life expectancy currently hovering around 80, the average American will likely have to wait until around 65 to inherit anything.
Today, the average age when women start to have children is 28. Therefore, future generations will likely have to wait even longer to inherit anything, all else being equal.
Not all is bad news on the inheritance front, however. With the average net worth in America rising to almost $700,000, parents are doing more than ever before to help their adult children thrive in adulthood. After all, Baby Boomers have benefitted the most from the longest bull market in history.
Every single one of my immediate neighbors in San Francisco has parents who either bought them their house or are letting them live in one of their multiple properties rent free. When I first moved into my house in 2014, I met my neighbor’s son who at the time was a 24-year-old senior at UC Davis. When he graduated in 2015, he returned home and still hasn’t left!
Can you imagine relying on an inheritance as a retirement strategy? You might never be able to start a family, create your own sense of independence, and make your great contribution to society. Clearly, one side effect of DIRE is a surge in depression.
R is for Retire
Forget about retiring in your 30s, 40s, 50s, or even 60s. With DIRE, we’re talking nowadays about the majority retiring in our 70s or older baby! We’re living longer. This means we’ve got to work longer to support ourselves. Once upon a time, people would retire at age 65 and die within five years. We are returning to the phenomena of that bygone era.
The earliest one can collect Social Security will rise from 62 to at least 65 if the government wants to make the program whole. After all, the government runs a massive budget deficit each year. With little-to-no social safety, achieving a comfortable retirement life will all depend on you.
With the trend towards retiring in our 70s or older, retirement life won’t be as fun. It’ll be much harder to play leisurely sports like golf or tennis when your back is always in pain. There’ll be no way to ever climb the stairs of Santorini when your knees don’t have cartilage. Donkey ride it is!
The only thing left you can do in this new world of retirement is watch tons of TV and surf the internet. At least with the popularity of food delivery apps, you will no longer have to go out of the house to eat a nice rubber chicken dinner. Staying glued to a lounge chair is what the new retirement reality will be like.
E is for Expire
Here is where the DIRE movement will be at its saddest. After a long life of working because you had to, not because you wanted to, reluctant DIRE followers will look back on their lives with regret. They will curse the day they ever heard about FIRE because otherwise they would never have taken the leap of faith at the top of the market and fallen splat on their faces.
Instead of being the hare, they would have won the race as the tortoise – steadily saving and investing their income during their highest income earning years with much less stress and worry. They wouldn’t have had to embarrassingly gone back to work with their tails between their legs and watched old colleagues now become their bosses. They wouldn’t have needed to go through multiple mental breakdowns and countless nights of self-doubt because they couldn’t replace their day job income with freelance income or entrepreneurial income to take care of their families.
Contrast reluctant DIRE followers with DIRE enthusiasts. DIRE enthusiasts see the FIRE movement is in trouble and decide to stay the course. Instead of retiring in their 30s or 40s, they decide to maximize their highest income earning years and retire with multi-millions in their 50s. Given everyone is living longer, retiring in your 50s is like retiring in your 40s of yesteryear. Of course, they also don’t just stay miserable at their jobs. DIRE enthusiasts proactively search for better opportunities in order to keep on working.
A DIRE enthusiast doesn’t scoff at families who believe they need $5 million in an after-tax portfolio to retire early. DIRE enthusiasts realize that runaway inflation, globalization, and structurally lower investment returns in the future will wreak havoc on living the early retirement dream. Therefore, instead of getting into a rage about why the world’s round peg doesn’t fit into their square hole, they simply adapt and work longer.
The DIRE Movement’s Future
Unless you’re willing to work more than 40 hours a week, build some side hustle income, generate some stable passive income, save aggressively, and continuously make shrewd investments for the long term, you have no chance of FIRE. And if you don’t do all these things and still decide to retire early, you will likely be screwed and join the reluctant DIRE camp.
Yes, some of you will decide to live like paupers and either delay or not have kids to keep expenses to a minimum to hold onto your FIRE dreams. However, for the majority who want to live more conventional lifestyles, it’s more important than ever to follow some key financial principles to increase your chances for financial independence.
If you are wise, you will embrace the realities of DIRE as the world heads south. Giving priority to caring for your family and delaying a super early retirement is the responsible thing to do. Don’t let FIRE FOMO foster irrational decision making.
Yes, if the economy gets really bad, there will be more face-saving by folks who say they are FIRE instead of admitting they got laid off and are drowning in a sea of despair. Just recognize not all is what it seems. If your passive income cannot comfortably cover your best life’s living expenses, you are not FIRE and only fooling yourself.
It’s time for the DIRE movement to rise up! I’m personally looking to head back to work, but I’m afraid after almost seven years of unemployment, nobody will hire my dire self.
Related: The Negatives Of Early Retirement Nobody Likes Talking About
Readers, are you ready to embrace the DIRE movement? Do you believe we are at peak FIRE? Do you believe DIRE will overtake FIRE as rational people adopt a more middle ground approach to early retirement, especially in a weakening economic environment?
https://www.financialsamurai.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/12/DIRE-Movement.m4a
The post Move Over FIRE, Welcome DIRE: Delay, Inherit, Retire, Expire appeared first on Financial Samurai.
from Finance https://www.financialsamurai.com/dire-movement-delay-inherit-retire-expire/ via http://www.rssmix.com/
0 notes
ronaldmrashid · 5 years
Text
Move Over FIRE, Welcome DIRE: Delay, Inherit, Retire, Expire
When I first started writing about achieving  financial independence early in 2009, I never thought the FIRE movement would reach such a huge level of interest a decade later. After all, only misfits decide to aggressively forgo material pleasures, save 50% or more of their incomes, and retire from well-paying jobs in their 30s.
Back in 2009, the “lifestyle design” movement was all the rage because people were getting blown out of their jobs left and right. Some people went back to graduate school to save face. Others decided to start lifestyle businesses after getting laid off. I figured there was a good chance my head would also roll, which is one reason why I started Financial Samurai that summer.
Thanks to a raging bull market that ensued, life turned out fine and the FIRE movement picked up steam. Today, we are at peak FIRE, perhaps similar to peak crypto reached in December 2017. Unfortunately, when you’re at the peak, there’s usually nowhere to go but down.
Growing Angst Against Financial Independence
You know we’re at peak fire because the mass media has latched onto FIRE like a rabid dog which hasn’t eaten in weeks. Not a day goes by where there isn’t a new story about someone leaving a job early and how they did it.
As an investor, we know that by the time big media gets hold, it’s often too late to invest. Rather, it’s likely a more opportune time to sell. Just think about Uber and Lyft finally filing to IPO in 2019. After all the easy money has been made as private companies, they’re hoping to finally cash out to public investors.
My job as an investor and as a personal finance writer is to do my best to forecast the future. Writing about what may happen is infinitely more interesting (and risky) than writing about the past. Forecasting the future challenges your mind and could make you a rich hero or a broke fool with egg on your face.
But as with everything in life, no risk, no reward. Today, my crystal ball is saying the FIRE movement is in for a rude awakening.
On the one hand, there is growing disdain against the FIRE movement from the majority of Americans who will never reach financial independence. With the median household income going nowhere over the past 10 years, it’s been hard for middle-class Americans to get ahead. Further, the average American has a pitiful amount saved in their retirement accounts.
When you’ve been spinning your wheels for so long, all this brouhaha about people retiring early to live fabulous lives in their mom’s basement while posting fake Instagram pictures about their amazing lives starts to get mighty annoying after a while. Annoyance turns into rage and a new movement is born.
On the other side are FIRE practitioners who are finding out that not all is sunshine and rainbows once they’ve quit a stable job with wonderful benefits. With a slowdown in the economy on the horizon, things are not looking good.
The DIRE Movement Is Created
The Fed is on a mission to suffocate the economy with more rate hikes. The current administration wants to further escalate trade wars because of alpha male ego, no matter how adversely it affects the stock market. Meanwhile, the housing market has gone past its peak and will likely continue to be in the doldrums for the next several years.
When a downturn hits, if it hasn’t already, it’s an inevitability that FIRE followers will be forced to go back to work and earn their retirements the old-fashioned way. Some might even say FIRE during a recession stands for Foolish Idealist Returns to Employer.
However, as long as we keep the FIRE acronym alive, we give hope to its original meaning. But when all is lost, false hope only gets people into further trouble. Therefore, let’s eliminate FIRE entirely from our psyche so that we can finally make a change!
Let me introduce the newest retirement movement to the world: DIRE. As a realist who sees the future, it is all but a certainty the DIRE movement will supplant the FIRE movement as the retirement path of choice. Let’s find out why.
D Is For Delay
For most people, delaying retirement due to the rapid rise in costs for housing, healthcare, and education is the only way to survive.
Given the median household income has stayed stagnant at around $61,000 for the past decade while the median house price in America has risen from $177,000 to $222,000 during the same period (26% increase), housing has become less affordable. In some cities, real estate prices have appreciated so quickly that most residents have no hope of ever owning.
Median household income has gone nowhere in 20 years
Healthcare costs are out of control, especially if you plan to carry the entire monthly premium burden yourself. The average total healthcare cost is now almost $20,000 a year, subsidized mostly by the employer. Once you’re out of a job, the entire $20,000 cost falls upon you unless you have a low enough income to qualify for subsidies. For my family of three, I pay $1,760 a month, or $21,120 a year for a platinum plan. None of us are overweight or have any serious chronic illnesses either.
Education costs, specifically college tuition has grown unbearable with annual tuition increases averaging 5% – 7%, regardless of a recession or not. That’s a doubling of tuition every 10 – 15 years. Good luck retiring early if you’ve got to pay $50,000 – $100,000 a year for four or five years for even just a single child.
For parents with kids, retiring early will be all but a pipe dream. There will always be at least one parent working full-time to earn a steady income and have subsidized health care. The non-working parent can shout they are FIRE as loud as they want, but nobody will buy it. Being a stay at home dad or mom is nothing to be ashamed about, yet for the man especially, he can’t seem to accept his new reality of living off his wife’s income.
I Is For Inherit
With no hope of retiring early, many Americans are counting on an inheritance as their retirement strategy. With 25 as the median age when parents had kids in 1970 and the median life expectancy currently hovering around 80, the average American will likely have to wait until around 65 to inherit anything.
Today, the average age when women start to have children is 28. Therefore, future generations will likely have to wait even longer to inherit anything, all else being equal.
Not all is bad news on the inheritance front, however. With the average net worth in America rising to almost $700,000, parents are doing more than ever before to help their adult children thrive in adulthood. After all, Baby Boomers have benefitted the most from the longest bull market in history.
Every single one of my immediate neighbors in San Francisco has parents who either bought them their house or are letting them live in one of their multiple properties rent free. When I first moved into my house in 2014, I met my neighbor’s son who at the time was a 24-year-old senior at UC Davis. When he graduated in 2015, he returned home and still hasn’t left!
Can you imagine relying on an inheritance as a retirement strategy? You might never be able to start a family, create your own sense of independence, and make your great contribution to society. Clearly, one side effect of DIRE is a surge in depression.
R is for Retire
Forget about retiring in your 30s, 40s, 50s, or even 60s. With DIRE, we’re talking nowadays about the majority retiring in our 70s or older baby! We’re living longer. This means we’ve got to work longer to support ourselves. Once upon a time, people would retire at age 65 and die within five years. We are returning to the phenomena of that bygone era.
The earliest one can collect Social Security will rise from 62 to at least 65 if the government wants to make the program whole. After all, the government runs a massive budget deficit each year. With little-to-no social safety, achieving a comfortable retirement life will all depend on you.
With the trend towards retiring in our 70s or older, retirement life won’t be as fun. It’ll be much harder to play leisurely sports like golf or tennis when your back is always in pain. There’ll be no way to ever climb the stairs of Santorini when your knees don’t have cartilage. Donkey ride it is!
The only thing left you can do in this new world of retirement is watch tons of TV and surf the internet. At least with the popularity of food delivery apps, you will no longer have to go out of the house to eat a nice rubber chicken dinner. Staying glued to a lounge chair is what the new retirement reality will be like.
E is for Expire
Here is where the DIRE movement will be at its saddest. After a long life of working because you had to, not because you wanted to, reluctant DIRE followers will look back on their lives with regret. They will curse the day they ever heard about FIRE because otherwise they would never have taken the leap of faith at the top of the market and fallen splat on their faces.
Instead of being the hare, they would have won the race as the tortoise – steadily saving and investing their income during their highest income earning years with much less stress and worry. They wouldn’t have had to embarrassingly gone back to work with their tails between their legs and watched old colleagues now become their bosses. They wouldn’t have needed to go through multiple mental breakdowns and countless nights of self-doubt because they couldn’t replace their day job income with freelance income or entrepreneurial income to take care of their families.
Contrast reluctant DIRE followers with DIRE enthusiasts. DIRE enthusiasts see the FIRE movement is in trouble and decide to stay the course. Instead of retiring in their 30s or 40s, they decide to maximize their highest income earning years and retire with multi-millions in their 50s. Given everyone is living longer, retiring in your 50s is like retiring in your 40s of yesteryear. Of course, they also don’t just stay miserable at their jobs. DIRE enthusiasts proactively search for better opportunities in order to keep on working.
A DIRE enthusiast doesn’t scoff at families who believe they need $5 million in an after-tax portfolio to retire early. DIRE enthusiasts realize that runaway inflation, globalization, and structurally lower investment returns in the future will wreak havoc on living the early retirement dream. Therefore, instead of getting into a rage about why the world’s round peg doesn’t fit into their square hole, they simply adapt and work longer.
The DIRE Movement’s Future
Unless you’re willing to work more than 40 hours a week, build some side hustle income, generate some stable passive income, save aggressively, and continuously make shrewd investments for the long term, you have no chance of FIRE. And if you don’t do all these things and still decide to retire early, you will likely be screwed and join the reluctant DIRE camp.
Yes, some of you will decide to live like paupers and either delay or not have kids to keep expenses to a minimum to hold onto your FIRE dreams. However, for the majority who want to live more conventional lifestyles, it’s more important than ever to follow some key financial principles to increase your chances for financial independence.
If you are wise, you will embrace the realities of DIRE as the world heads south. Giving priority to caring for your family and delaying a super early retirement is the responsible thing to do. Don’t let FIRE FOMO foster irrational decision making.
Yes, if the economy gets really bad, there will be more face-saving by folks who say they are FIRE instead of admitting they got laid off and are drowning in a sea of despair. Just recognize not all is what it seems. If your passive income cannot comfortably cover your best life’s living expenses, you are not FIRE and only fooling yourself.
It’s time for the DIRE movement to rise up! I’m personally looking to head back to work, but I’m afraid after almost seven years of unemployment, nobody will hire my dire self.
Related: The Negatives Of Early Retirement Nobody Likes Talking About
Readers, are you ready to embrace the DIRE movement? Do you believe we are at peak FIRE? Do you believe DIRE will overtake FIRE as rational people adopt a more middle ground approach to early retirement, especially in a weakening economic environment?
https://www.financialsamurai.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/12/DIRE-Movement.m4a
The post Move Over FIRE, Welcome DIRE: Delay, Inherit, Retire, Expire appeared first on Financial Samurai.
from https://www.financialsamurai.com/dire-movement-delay-inherit-retire-expire/
0 notes
primaryideasuk · 6 years
Text
A Most Thankful Year
Instead of the traditional Thanksgiving with family, I spent this year’s break in Saint Lucia for a friend’s vow renewal. In one of the most beautiful places I’ve ever seen, I found myself reflecting on a year to be very thankful for.
VERY personal post alert! If you like personal life updates, this is delving into things that I haven’t opened up about before. Those of you who only like the DIY stuff, that will be in the next post.
Hi, friends! I hope you enjoyed our little break over the Thanksgiving holiday. I spent mine in a rather unconventional way: watching two of my closest friends renew their vows of love and commitment to each other in St. Lucia. It was one of the most beautiful places I’ve ever seen in my lifetime:
I’ve been planning on taking this trip for little over a year. When I was first invited, the premise was that my friends were renting a villa in St. Lucia for renewing vows on their five-year anniversary. They had gotten married in a friend’s living room with only a handful of witnesses, so they decided the five-year mark was an opportunity to have a ceremony with immediate family, their closest friends, and enjoy a honeymoon all at once.
Since they would be covering most of the expenses while we were there, it would actually be much more manageable than I would have otherwise been able to afford (and so very generous of them, too — but how awesome is an alternative wedding like that, to instead spend their budget on something like this instead of a single day??). I was beyond excited, informed my family of my plans (sorry/not sorry?), and began setting money aside for the plane ticket.
The trip did not disappoint for even a single second.
I took hundreds of photos and video, so all of that will likely take a considerable period of time before everything is edited and ready to recap/upload. Unlike the “relaxing” beach vacation I am typically drawn to, this one was nonstop fun. We rented a catamaran, went snorkeling/scuba diving, rode ATVs down to black sand beaches (wait until you see me do donuts on a beach, ha!), hit up an organic pineapple farm (which has likely ruined pineapple for me forever… it dries out so much in transit and I had no idea), enjoyed fresh caught fish, and soaked up the sun like it would expire by the time I came home.
And that view. That pool.
The entire villa was open air, so it was, essentially, the most elaborate form of glamping I’ve ever witnessed. If I had to complain of anything at all (or just make a funny observation?), it’s that there was zero privacy. People can and will hear you taking a shower, snoring in your sleep, or any of the 283 other things you might be self-conscious about when there is nothing but fresh air, a drastic change to your American diet, and a few strategically-placed slats of wood to separate you from your buddy in the next room. A small price to pay, really.
But back to the main subject of this post: giving thanks. We had Thanksgiving dinner that Thursday evening, replacing the traditional meal with fresh-caught tuna and local produce prepared by the house manager (we enjoyed her amazing cooking throughout the week — she was incredible). We went around the table, each expressing the many blessings we were thankful for; the loved ones we missed and wished were there to enjoy it with us; events and changes that we were either grateful to have embraced or ready to be rid of. If anything, being in a place like this, it was even more apparent to me of the year I’ve had and how distant a year ago can be.
A Year of Good Fortune
I am thankful for my work/blog/career path.
Blogging and freelance is such a bubble. It makes sense as a blogger to talk about blogging on my blog. But in person, I try to be tight-lipped about it, because it’s clumsy. For many, blogging is not a proper job; to express it as a legitimate occupation can lead to shared glances, mocked interest, or even air quotes. This perception has sometimes been from family, or close friends, or even significant others. As you might imagine, that can suck and lead to self-doubt. I get asked by strangers or near-strangers to get them things for free or to advertise their businesses for free. What’s supposed to be the quick intro at social events (“What do you do?” “Engineer, you?” “Blogger.”) often devolves into the same 20-question spiel of how you make money, no exactly how, no I mean where do the paychecks come from??? conversation that makes me both squirm and feel like an ass because there goes Sarah talking about blogging again.
I get where that skepticism comes from. I’ve thought it myself in periods of self-doubt. My point is, outward judgment — of any kind, so this is not exclusive to blogging — can eat at you unless you build up a thick skin for it. This year, I think I’ve done a much better job of not apologizing for what makes me happy.
Every job has a negative aspect or two. To me, this is just the price of an otherwise amazing, awesome job that I consider myself very, very lucky to have. With fellow bloggers or my friends/family who support what I do, it’s so much fun to talk about something I feel so passionate about (it shows, obnoxiously so), celebrate the latest sponsor under contract or another business goal achieved. I worked at something that actually became something. That’s so damn cool.
I am incredibly grateful for that support, those opportunities, and that I do something that has allowed me to meet people all over the country who feel just as passionate about what they do. I love hearing from readers who used one of my tutorials to transform their homes. Or meet a reader in person. Or brainstorm over the latest project. Or just plain create something. For all of those things, I’ll gladly take on the arrogant jerk who walks away mid-sentence because I said I was a blogger. This year was a good year for me. I will continue working hard, and especially because I love what I do.
I am thankful for my family, friends, and my support system.
For several years at the beginning of this blog, I didn’t do much dating. I was in an exhausting push to get myself through grad school — not much time between a full-time job, full-time school hours, building the blog into a business, etc. In 2016, I found myself very suddenly head over heels for a guy who I thought was smart, kind, and funny. My friends and family met him and were happy for me, but it also moved way too fast. I ignored red flags and my overall uneasiness (I was frequently nauseated but couldn’t figure out why). He ended things just as suddenly as it began several months later, and I was very hurt over the feelings of betrayal and the deliberate cruelty in which he seemed to speak and act. Breakups are hard in general, and I’m mindful of how one-sided recapping any details would be… so suffice it to say that a good chunk of 2016 was pretty rough.
Those of you who read my blog during that time already know the above, but what you might not know is that the stress of it all significantly impacted my health at the time. The nausea I’d been feeling for months intensified. At its zenith, I had a hard time keeping food down. I was also drinking way too much and losing weight — which was kind of confusing. As a woman, being showered with those kinds of “You look great! Wow, you’ve lost so much weight!” compliments and knowing that they weren’t from positive circumstances had an odd effect (and maybe added more self-doubt?).
I had never experienced stress to this level, but knew without it subsiding on its own, I needed to find help. That’s when I discovered the Talkspace app and subscribed. Over the next month I matched with a licensed expert and had ample opportunity to discuss things with an unbiased point of view. The anxiety I was experiencing began to lessen, and I got back into healthier habits. I ran with my running group more frequently to channel the extra stress. I started meditating every morning to clarify my thoughts (I was very skeptical, but it worked extremely well — the Headspace app is very good too, just FYI!). Between the bad habits and the good, I dropped about 20 pounds. Some of it, I kept off through the exercise; some, I gained back from more normal eating. On my 5’2″ frame, the change was pretty noticeable.
November 2016
I don’t know why it was such a surprise, but my closest friends — and several of the mutual ones between this guy and I — showed me such incredible kindness during this period that I am still in awe of it. The couple I mentioned with their vow renewal? They sat and listened whenever I needed. They cooked when I had a lack of appetite. The other friends who were on this Saint Lucia trip? They invited me out, kept me active, and were just plain there. They were also the first to make silly, petty observations that made me chuckle (“never trust a guy who’s that bad at pool,” that sort of thing… it strangely meant a lot). Countless other friends and family boosted me up. Went running with me. Met me for a drink. Dealt with my overall assholishness at times (and allowed me to apologize). Hosted me for a visit. Made me laugh. I don’t know how I managed to gain such amazing people around me, but grateful for their love and support is an understatement. Even now, I feel humbled and a little teary-eyed.
I am thankful to fall in love again.
For a while, I felt a little raw and stung. I tried jumping back into dating, but I wasn’t at all able. Those first few dates during that time weren’t even awful or funny or interesting — they just were. Despite wanting to move the hell on, my sense of detachment told me that I couldn’t/shouldn’t force it. I didn’t want to use anyone to help me get over someone else; that would make me a terrible person if I had.
It didn’t really seem all that strange to revert back to solo life — I was plenty used to it. I dove into work, and it wound up better than ever. There was plenty of entrepreneurial drive to spare — with the added layer of just wanting to focus on something else — and it felt good to see physical results from my efforts (especially when the emotional ones were much harder to measure). I felt renewed creativity and wrote a lot, though plenty of it was about those emotional pitfalls (these were for my own use and not published on the blog).
Eventually, I’d packaged up the mental gymnastics of the past year to make room for someone else. I was finally excited about the idea of dating and love again. Christmas was going to be coming soon enough, and I gave online dating another shot. I went out for a drink with a random dude whose profile had a cute beard and nice eyes. I felt comfortable enough to make him laugh, and he genuinely laughed — a good sign, and something that felt familiar.
We were about halfway through a drink before he asked me to his company’s Christmas party. He joked about how much fun of him his coworkers made of him being dateless the previous year. I found it both charming, silly, and surprising; he asked so suddenly, I almost thought he meant he wanted me to go later that night, like he was on his way to it and meeting me for a drink just before. That wasn’t the case of course, but the thought of it made me laugh hysterically. We went out on a few actual dates before the party, but it was fun.
Over the next few months, K’s quick wit, patience, and ability to make me laugh melted my bruised feelings. I fell in love again. Charlie gained a new best friend (I think it’s now tied between K and my dad). His dog Stella, whom you’ve already met, gave her own seal of approval of us immediately (her reactions to Charlie when they haven’t seen each other in a while are hilarious — as though she doesn’t want to admit that she missed her, so she gets almost imperceptible nods in her direction, while Charlie is instantly happier to have Stella around).
I became less active for a while, which gained back more weight (new relationships = couch potato). We’ve become more active again as of late, and I am very happy to have met K. If 2016 taught me humility and that I have more space in my heart than I realized, 2017 showed me how to fill it again.
I am thankful for so much more.
Many of you guys have sent emails, left comments, and messaged on other social channels in the last year. When I spoke of 2016’s hardships before, a lot of you showed me an incredible about of support; for that, I am very, very grateful you took the time to do it. And even though I say it every year, I just want you to know how much I appreciate that you read along regardless of the reason — for the personal posts, or just the DIY tutorials, or maybe if you’re a new reader who is learning how to adult and cook at home more (like I have recently!). My appreciation for you guys sticking around never stops being true. Every time I hear about one of your projects or when you give input, I just love it. K knows when it happens, too — he says he hears it in my voice.
I am thankful my friends and family were happy for me to get away. And again when they gave me crap for missing Thanksgiving (guilt is love, at least in my Catholic family!). I gained a new appreciation for my parents’ willingness to travel with me as a kid; it made me realize what a missed opportunity this would have been.
I’ve found myself very grateful for a lot of things this year. When possible, I’ve tried to tell others the same. But staring the pitons in St. Lucia and counting my blessings all over again, it just made sense.
I hope you all had a wonderful Thanksgiving (Canada, this is a month late, but same). I realize 2017 has been rough for many, but I hope you also had things to still be thankful for. I’ll be posting a BIG DIY update to the dining room this week, so check back in soon!
What were you thankful for this year?
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