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i-am-sludgie · 7 months

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DMT Trip Report #1

The Blessing Force

When people ask me why I moved to Oregon, I usually give a watered-down explanation. This is probably a form of masking, but the truth is pretty weird. So I usually just talk about how much I love the PNW, and how I had an opportunity to move in with my closest friend so we could have fun together and support each other. And that's all true.

But the REAL reason is because I felt like the universe was pulling me here, through unmistakable signs and personally meaningful coincidences. For the most part, everything has lined up perfectly. I experienced so many synchronicities leading up to the move that I can't even remember them all.

Since then, things have worked out better than I could have ever hoped for. I feel truly blessed. I'm still working on going with the flow and viewing the world through a lens of gratitude, but this has all been part of what I consider to be a spiritual awakening. I couldn't have done it without trusting my intuition and taking that leap of faith. It's clear to me that the universe has my back and that things are happening exactly as they're meant to.

And now that I've smoked DMT and had a breakthrough experience, I can put a name and a face to that universal force. It was Mother Aya calling me all along. It was always her.

Background

I've been researching and thinking about DMT and Ayahuasca for 10+ years. I remember my friend telling me about DMT: The Spirit Molecule by Rick Strassman years before. I discovered Terence McKenna on YouTube and listened to every single recording I could find. I started watching clips of Joe Rogan's podcast where he discussed his experiences with guests like Duncan Trussell. I read trip reports on reddit and watched hours of videos on YouTube. I talked to friends and family about it -- even as they stared back at me in disbelief that I would want to try such a strange, intense, psychedelic drug.

I knew I was destined to try it. And finally it happened. A friend was able to get a gram of N,N-DMT freebase powder. We had the perfect setting lined up. I would not be going on this adventure alone, but rather with a tight-knit group of the most amazing, kind, caring, and supportive friends I could ever ask for. I couldn't believe it was finally happening.

Prework

Before we began, I grabbed a pen and paper and jotted down some thoughts. This included:

5 things I'm grateful for

My intentions

Questions I might ask any entities I encounter

A list of "Show me" requests

I didn't know if I would actually have the chance to communicate with any entities, but I wanted to plan for the possibility.

Technique

I bought the Yocan Evolve Plus wax atomizer and a milligram scale to measure dosage. I looked up instructions on reddit and did my best to follow them.

We used the default quartz coil that came with the vaporizer, by placing the powder directly on the coil. Many trip reports warn that the coil can get too hot and burn the powder. This was never an issue for us. That allowed us to hold the button down and go full gas.

The only issue this caused was that some of the powder was getting sucked up into the mouthpiece. Maybe from sucking too hard (that's what she said). I think ideally we should have been holding the button for a few seconds before inhaling to give the powder time to melt. But the device worked as advertised -- one-hit breakthroughs on 50mg.

Dipping Our Toes In

We each tried small doses between 10-20mg to start with. I did 15mg. I cleared my lungs and inhaled the vapor in one long, full breath. I sat back in the couch and felt waves of energy emanating through and around me. I saw the very faintest hint of visuals with my eyes closed -- thin white lines of geometric patterns that only lasted a few moments and then faded without intensifying. I think I told my friends right afterwards that I didn't see anything, but that wasn't quite true.

I felt a full-body high similar to the peak of a marijuana edible. I wouldn't say it felt good or bad; just kind of neutral. When I opened my eyes, I was mesmerized by the warm glow of a nearby candle. All of this lasted only a few minutes.

I also experienced one unexpected side effect. On the left side of my face, my eye and cheek twitched uncontrollably throughout the whole thing. This faded with the high, but it still made me nervous about how my body would physically respond. I was able to sit with the feeling without overthinking it. It passed and I felt calm and relaxed.

Blasting Off

After waiting a while for my next turn, I was ready to crank up to 50mg and try to break through. Let's be clear. This is a powerful substance. The effects are fucking insane, and nothing will ever prepare you for the first time. But I was as ready as I would ever be.

I made myself comfortable in my friend's bed. I thanked my spirit guides for bringing me to this moment and I reminded myself that it's just a ride.

I took a deep breath in and out, completely clearing my lungs. I pressed play on the song I had queued up, laid back in the bed, and hit the vaporizer, holding the button down and inhaling for as long as I possibly could. I wanted to blast off in one big power hit. And boy did I. There was a visible cloud of vapor as I exhaled.

I had no time to wonder if I did it right. The ceiling light started to move and fractalize. Then everything started to shake and it felt like an airplane taking off. I closed my eyes and the craziest shit I've ever seen filled my vision.

I don't remember any kind of tunnel. It wasn't really like traveling from point A to point B through spacetime as people often report. Everything was just there instantly.

Hyperspace

I was suddenly in a place made of constantly moving white ribbons bejeweled with multi-colored, rounded-off squares and ovals. There were flashing lights and colors. It looked like the center of a Magic Eye -- those 3D images from the 90s -- with staggering layers of complexity. It's hard to remember any other specifics of what I was seeing because I had no frame of reference. I think this is what people mean when they say it's like a dream that quickly fades because, as you can see with the rest of the story, I remember everything else. I got the impression this was some kind of machine and I didn't see anything I would consider to be an entity -- but what does that even mean in this realm? It could've been alive with some kind of consciousness for all I know. I remember thinking "Is anyone there?" and I didn't get any sense of an answer.

Meanwhile, I felt like I was being zapped with electricity, and I melted into the bed.

The song I picked was Let's Go by Stuck In The Sound. I thought it would match the weirdness and intensity of blasting off into hyperspace. And it did.

youtube

The music was getting warped as the song played. Some of the lyrics would be clear as day, normal sounding, and then crescendo into high-pitched, shrill, metallic, electric noises. Sometimes the lyrics sounded like gibberish, as if it was being played backwards.

I was melted in awe. McKenna calls this death by astonishment. What I saw was so FUCKING insane that I couldn't do anything besides lay there stunned with my mouth wide open. And I mean wide open. At this point I thought I was holding the button down on the vaporizer or somehow still inhaling (I wasn't), and I managed to realize that and put it down beside me.

Many people report feeling like they leave their body when smoking DMT. Maybe those people are smoking 5-MeO instead. I didn't leave mine. I've had a bona fide out-of-body experience (OBE) and it was nothing like this. While I was certainly incapacitated overall, I could still form coherent thoughts and action them by moving my body. I could put the vape down. I could tell my mouth was open and close it.

And I could scream. At some point I screamed "Ahhhh" -- it was honestly meant as a joke for my friends waiting in the other room. I knew they were there on the other side of the wall and could hear me if I yelled loud enough. My voice sounded like a melodica. It was a long scream. I realized I felt as if I was stuck screaming and was able to stop. Afterwards I asked them all how long I was screaming for.

This also can't be classified as an ego death because I still had thoughts and I was still able to rationalize that I was a person, lying in a bed, in my friend's room, in my friend's house, on planet Earth. At this point I decided to open my eyes and confirm that.

Everything in the room was writhing and moving. I don't remember any other details about these visuals but it was fucking nuts. I closed my eyes again and was immediately back in hyperspace. I thought "Holy shit. What if I get stuck like this?" That was followed with an immediate feeling that I didn't care if I did. Maybe I belonged here. These thoughts felt faster than normal somehow.

And this was when I gave in. I stopped tensing up and relaxed. As soon as I did, what I felt was total, unconditional love, pure joy, and full-body euphoria. I began riding waves of pure energy.

All of this lasted for the length of the song, which is less than 4 minutes.

Meeting the Goddess of the Vine

When the song changed, so did my experience. I don't even remember what song it was specifically because I had my phone on shuffle within a short playlist. But hyperspace faded away. At this point of transition, I reached up and took my glasses off and put them on the bed next to me.

I still had my eyes closed. But now a face appeared against a black void. It was a woman. Her eyes were piercing, smokey, and mystique. I instantly knew this was Mother Ayahuasca, the goddess of the vine. I've seen similar artistic interpretations of many Ayahuasca experiences.

I don't know if she's THE god, or if there even is such a thing, but she's certainly a divine, all-powerful, cosmic entity. I saw her, and she saw me. We met face to face. And what I felt was pure love. Kindness, compassion, empathy. Continual waves of euphoria poured over me as we gazed at one another. I started writhing around on the bed, side to side, in pure bliss. I was told I used up the whole bed.

Vines grew out of her head and sprawled in every direction, continually growing outward. Then the vines changed into skulls. They were in the artistic style of Day of the Dead sugar skulls in Mexican culture. Then the skulls changed into skeletons.

None of this was scary or even starling. It was just matter of fact, as if she was saying "Look what I can do." This gave me the impression that she is the goddess of life and death, and also that death is nothing to be afraid of. She was showing me the natural cycle of creation and deconstruction.

It was almost making light of death. I know that Mother Aya has the ability to be deeply serious and show people some pretty horrific, heavy things, when they need to see it. That's not what she was doing here. I found humor in the message and when I was coming down I again screamed to my friends on the other side of the room. "Death isn't real you guys!!"

Back to the 3rd Dimension

The comedown was very gradual and gentle, lasting a couple more minutes. The goddess eventually faded away. I covered my face with my hands and that seemed to momentarily resolidify some of the closed-eyed visuals. But it was fleeting. I then opened my eyes as the 3D world started to rematerialize. I didn't have my glasses on anymore so I couldn't make out a lot of the movement I was seeing. I grabbed my glasses and put them on, but they didn't fit anymore. "What the fuck?" I said. This was very confusing. It took me a minute to realize I had rolled onto them and bent them up. I checked my face to make sure it was the same shape it always is. Yup.

I checked my body to make sure it was real and solid and working. Yup.

Everything eventually calmed down and stopped moving. I was so fucking geeked that it worked and lived up to the hype. I was pretty much instantly back to my normal self -- albeit shaking with excitement or adrenaline or whatever, which lasted another 5 minutes or so. I rejoined the group and tried to relay as much of this as I could, but words were difficult. How the fuck do you make sense of any of that just minutes later?

Anyway, I was me again -- nothing up there in the old noodle besides funny videos and an unhealthy obsession with Coca Cola Classic.

Integration

It wasn't until two days later that I realized how the beginning of this story ties in. Years and years of synchronicities and signals from the universe. I've been connecting with my spirit guides a lot more lately, so this sort of thing came as no surprise to me. But the realization that it's always been Mother Aya. Holy smokes. This was the ultimate validation of so many of my life experiences -- things that I just can't explain. And we're only getting started.

I later considered the possibility that besides life and growth and abundance, the vines also represented intertwining pathways that all lead back to her.

The second big takeaway is that these things are always here. This place, this higher dimensional realm. These beings. They don't go away. Just because we can't see them or hear them doesn't mean they aren't there. We can hardly fucking see anything. 0.0035% of the electromagnetic spectrum to be exact.

We've heard this all before, but it's top of mind as I unpack what I experienced. Consciousness is like a radio. 3D Earth exists on a certain station. Change the frequency, you tune into a different station. And just like on the radio when there are different songs playing on each station, there are different entities and spaces among different frequencies of vibration. But it's all happening here and now, all at once.

And lastly, our definition of what is and isn't real is completely fucked. There's some fucky shit going on here. We have no clue what it is or what it means. But the spirit molecule -- this sacred vine -- is our gateway. It gives us a chance to explore the infinite abyss of realms beyond 3D Earth, even if it's only for a few fleeting, electrifying moments.

I will return to this realm when I feel Mother Aya calling.

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