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gleefuldarrencrissfan · 4 years

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Chapter 2

Sex in the garage happened shortly after they finished putting on the rims. Actually, it was surprising that they finished putting them on. It was incredibly hot, but it didn’t include what Blaine had initially thought it would, and that was ok. As they lay post-coital in the back seat of Blaine’s Prius, Kurt gently kissed Blaine’s forehead.

“So,” Kurt bit his bottom lip tentatively. “Are you disappointed?”

“In what? The rims?”

“In me. In what we just did?”

Blaine just stared at Kurt in disbelief. “What? No. Kurt, you just bent me over my car and dominated me. I’ve never cum so hard in my life. I could never be disappointed in our sex life. You’re amazing. What we do is amazing,” Blaine said, kissing Kurt’s lips tenderly.

“But we didn’t do the rimming thing. Wasn’t that your fantasy?” Kurt dropped his gaze down so that he couldn’t see the disappointment in Blaine’s eyes.

“You’re my fantasy, Kurt. Anything we do together, intimately, is what I dream of. Do I still want to try it one day? Hell yes. But there isn’t much I wouldn’t try if you asked me to. But we have the rest of our lives for that. Besides, prep and cleanliness are essential, and right now we are filthy,” Blaine chuckled, sliding a finger through the sticky mess on his abdomen.

“Then, I want to try it. Some day. In the near future. When we have time. Definitely not in the garage,” Kurt giggled a little as Blaine’s fingers moved to his stomach, his fingers dancing in the mess they’d created there. “When did you say your parents were going on that weekend trip?

Blaine swallowed his breath. “Next weekend. “But Kurt, there’s no rush. No pressure.”

“Boo, I thought pressure might feel kinda good,” Kurt said mischievously.

The next thing he knew, he was flipped onto his back, his boyfriend sitting in between his legs, coating lube onto his fingers. “Good, because you’re about to feel some,” Blaine said, sliding a finger into Kurt’s slick heat.

Blaine had been insatiable that week. It was only Wednesday, and Kurt was exhausted. He took a sip of strong coffee as he scrolled through the article that he had been too timid to read earlier in the week.

He felt his cheeks grow dark red as he read tip two. Douching? Yes, he knew it was imperative that he be clean before they attempted this, but THAT seemed a little excessive. Then again, Blaine was going to put his tongue there, so maybe it really wasn’t that extreme.

Speaking of extreme, tip number fourteen was going to be a little awkward. Shaving, and the article suggested getting your partner to do it for you. How was he going to bring that up in conversation? “Hey baby. I need you to shave my butthole so you don’t end up flossing while you’re down there.” Kurt’s cheeks flamed red, and this was only an imaginary conversation.

He could wax. Actually, the article recommended it. He had waxed before. He had done his eyebrows and even manscaped his balls, but he’d never ventured that far back. That was something they’d have to talk about because if he was going to do this, he didn’t want to embarrass himself. And he’d have to order the wax because he was out.

He moved to the tip about lube. It suggested water-based, natural lubes. It had suggested flavored lube as well. They had tried flavored lube before, but Kurt didn’t particularly like that raspberry flavor. And he wasn’t sure that it was all-natural.

Then, there was the issue of protection. There were quite a few risks. Anal play, in general, had its risks, but the risks involved here were greater. He and Blaine had only been with each other, so the risk of STD wasn’t really an issue, but there were other things, like infections and bacteria. They could use tongue condoms, but where the hell would he find things like that.

He needed a lot of supplies. He could order the products online, but then he thought about what might happen if someone else opened the package. What if Finn or his dad opened it? Or Carole? God no. There was no way he was getting that stuff shipped to his house.

Kurt sighed. He knew what he needed to do. He needed to go to a sex shop. Kurt typed in location of sex shops and found more than one nearby, although he wasn’t sure that he wanted to go to a local one. For all he knew, he’d walk in and the person behind the counter could be a customer at his dad’s shop. Nope. No good. He couldn’t go to one in Westerville either. He’d be mortified if he ran into a Warbler or something while he was there. They probably would know Blaine. Or worse. They could know Blaine’s parents. Nope.

He soon found himself overwhelmed by the search results. He needed advice. He’d hate to drive an hour out of the way just to be unable to find what he was needing. But who should he ask? Puck might know a place, but he wasn’t discreet in the least. And there was no way in hell he’d ask Finn. He’d blab to Rachel or worse, to his dad or Carole. He could ask Sam, the former stripper, but he was also living with him right now, and he couldn’t keep a secret to save his life. Mike was nice enough, but they weren’t close enough to go to a sex shop, and Mercedes would be mortified. There was only one person to ask.

“Damn, Ladylips! I didn’t know you had it in you! But you know that you can get lube in a drug store, right? Of course you did. So, this isn’t about lube. You want some kinky shit, right?”

“God, Santana. What I buy here is none of your business. I told you I’d pay for gas and your lunch, but you have to uphold your end of the bargain. This never leaves the Navigator or I will enact my revenge on you until one of us dies. And you know I’ll do it.”

“Yeah, Rachel told us about how you replaced Finn’s axe body spray with spray adhesive. The whole Glee club thanks you for gluing his armpits shuts. I could actually breathe in the auditorium for half an hour without gagging. But anyway, you know I wouldn’t say anything.

Kurt raised his eyebrows in disbelief. “I do?”

“Look, I know I can be a bitch, but us gays gotta look out for each other. I appreciate the way you and Blaine stood up for me when I got outed, and I know that you too tried to help Britt pass her Lit class. Besides, Britt’s birthday is coming up, and I’d like to get her a dil-”

Kurt held up his hand. “Stop! I don’t want to hear it or I will replace your protein supplement with a laxative.”

“Fine. But you’ve got one hour. After that, I reserve the right to take photos and post them on your Facebook wall. Using your anniversary as your password is way too damn predictable.” Kurt shot her his bitch glare and walked through the entryway. “Wait, do you have an ID? This place is 18+ only.

Kurt pulled his fake id out of his wallet. The one that he had made and not the pathetic one Sebastian had made for him.

“Well, I’ll be damned. Somebody’s either been hitting gay clubs or he’s been to one of these places before.”

Kurt rolled his eyes. If only she knew the exact reason that he was here. She tried to get it out of him on the way here, but he just said something about all natural lube and then turned up the radio and threatened to sing show tunes the whole way if she didn’t drop it.

Surprisingly, the store was as good as Santana promised, and he left with a Persian waxing kit, a water-based lube sampler with 3 flavors, and tongue condoms. He also purchased a home enema kit from CVS when they stopped in there, using moisturizer as an excuse to stop. They made it halfway home when he had to stop for fuel. Santana remained in the car, distracted by what was in her bag. Then, he realized it wasn’t her bag.

“Santana, what the hell?”

“So, what do we have here? Brazilian wax? Tongue condoms? Flavored lube? An ass-irrigation system? Someone’s gonna eat ass!” Santana practically squealed. “Oh my God! I can’t wait to try out my new name for Blaine, assmunch.”

“Why don’t you say that a little louder. I don’t believe the attendant in the back heard you. And if you even think of calling Blaine that, I’ll make sure that everyone finds out about the time that I helped you get that stain out of your uniform. You know, that brown one right on the back of-”

“Ok, ok. Fine. I’ll come up with something else. Get it? Come up? Oh, come on and get the stick out of your ass so Plasterhead can stick his tongue up it,” Santana cackled, throwing the bag back to him.

“God, why did I ask you?” Kurt sighed, rolling his eyes.

“Because you knew I could actually answer your questions. So go ahead. Ask me. Is it awesome? Yes. Is it as awkward as hell? Yes. If it’s not with someone special.”

Kurt sighed and looked straight out the window. “Have you ever, um, tasted something gross?”

“Yeah, but I gave Puck a blowjob and that was worse than anything else I’d ever tried. I don’t know how Quinn stands it. The sweat. The hair? The gas. Disgusting! Much worse than anything else I encountered. I upchucked for a week afterward. Sue was happy. I was down two pounds that week.”

“What about flatulence? I guess I’m worried that I’m gonna-”

“Fart in his mouth? Yeah, I’m not gonna lie. It’s awkward. But that’s what the tongue condoms are for. I used them before. I don’t anymore because it just feels better. I guess the important thing is just to talk about it, up front. Beforehand. Talk about what you do and don’t want. Don’t eat anything that causes gas, I mean besides his ass,” she grinned. “And no teeth. That shit,” Santana looked away, actually appearing embarrassed for a moment. “I mean, that stuff hurts. But Kurt,” Santana grinned like the Cheshire cat. “Ha, butt! Anyway. There’s nothing like it. To make someone fall apart that way, to be so intimate. It’s amazing.”

“Thanks, Santa,” Kurt smiled. “I knew you were the right person to take with me today.”

Santana just nodded. “Just one question. Was this your idea? Or his. Because if it was yours, I win a bet I had going with Puck.”

“What? You told Puck?” Kurt’s head whipped around and he even swerved a little over the white line on the highway.

“No. I didn’t tell him. But we have talked about it after seeing you and Shortstack limp into glee after prom. He bet that you two were vanilla, spooning and all that shit, but I surmised that you, with all your sass and need to be in control, said you were probably one kinky S. O B. Was I right?”

“It was Blaine’s suggestion. It’s actually a funny story, but it’s kind of embarrassing.”

Santana cackled. “Em bare assed. I get it. But seriously, Kurt. I just saw your bag with an enema kit in it. I had it in my hands. And I told you that Britt farted in my mouth. How much more embarrassing can this conversation get?”

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