#did my grade 8 cumulative project (30 presentation to the school) on my weightlifting progress

[thehardkandy]

GOD i miss having my own lil workout space. used to just be able to roll up to the local YMCA squash court where sat my dad's weightlifting platform & the box full of his bars and weights and id just go set it all up inside. blast some music in my ear buds. dance around the room. read a lil book on my ipod touch & in general not have to think about anything important in the world other than that i have 2 more reps and then i gotta change the weight on the bar

#like i would blame transness but that opportunity was lost in 2017 and was genuinely one of the saddest moments of my life #when the Y told my dad like hey sorry this room is no longer going to be a squash court so uh. there's no where else for you to use this st #stuff* #there used to be 3 squash courts #then 2 #then just the 1 so like it was coming #it was just sad #i sat in that place when i was 8 or 9 and had to put my hands over my ears because it was so god damn loud when my dad dropped the weights #even on the platform (some wood & rubber screwed together by a buddy some 20 years back) #and then when i was 11 i remember he told me he ordered a child-sized bar with child-size weights #and i was so excited #the day they arrived i immediately started trying it out in the front hallway of the house #did my grade 8 cumulative project (30 presentation to the school) on my weightlifting progress #it was just always something for me #but the space that made it easy was already gone for a year before i moved out #and then i moved out and made myself a weak unrecognizable creature #and evenif i wasnt trans i dont think i could just go to any gym tbh #id find reasons not to reasons why it wasnt the same #or even if i did go i would just stop going when it was inconvenient #but now i get to blame it on bigger #and when wouldi even have time? i cant do it early in the day #the commute cant be more than 15 minute walk or else i will never go in the winter #and i have to write. i hate program.i hate to do bigger and more important jobs #that will give me even less time #goddddddddddddddddddddddddd #im just sad i think #that all meant a lot to me and i would like to find the way i can get it back #it's not going to be now