#debating the Morality of even tag-venting on my own blog bc i don't want anyone to assume this is targeted

[hellpupp]

Big Sad

#kicks dirt #idk how many times i can openly ask for what i need & just. not get it. before i've just gotta Stop bc it starts feeling pathetic #and potentially even bordering on emotionally manipulative. #debating the Morality of even tag-venting on my own blog bc i don't want anyone to assume this is targeted #i just feel Deeply Lonely and like i have absolutely nothing going on in my life except work #and just lowkey like.... Unseen. #sometimes i try So Fucking Hard to have a conversation with people only to have 100% of what i say completely ignored me #* in favor of a random meme. #it starts to fuck with you after a while! makes you feel Uninteresting and Foolish and Annoying #idk. #i mean i also ran out of my (Extremely Rough Withdrawal) SNRI last week so like. that isn't helping. #but it's more than that. i've been feeling like this for a while. #it just. really sucks when you move & have no irl friends. no energy to make any new ones. #and all of your long distance friends have A Lot of shit on their plates so you feel shitty and inconsiderate for even thinking of asking #for. well Anything really. let alone some of their extremely limited time & energy & attention. #like who tf am i to ask anyone #let alone people who are all Very busy and struggling w/ their own shit #for their undivided attention for a chunk of time they could be using to take care of themselves #i don't want to feel invisible anymore #but i also don't want to be a drain on the people i care about #i hate Needing things #i wish the depth of my love and devotion to the people i've chosen to care for was fulfilling enough on its own #so i'd never need to ask for things #having emotional needs is like. sooo gross & selfish of me tbh. :/' go the fuck to therapy holy shit u would Never say this abt Anyone else #anyway. watch me delete this in 5 seconds bc the need to be seen & the mortification of being Perceived can & do coexist #χ.txt