#david bell is such a good fucking antagonist. he COMPLETELY believes himself to be in the right and bizly plays him SO WELLL!!

[allthefilmsiveseenforfree]

Teen Witch

Controversial opinion: stories about witches are the best stories. Just look at WandaVision - bitches ate that UP because it’s about WITCHES, which means it’s ultimately about loss and trauma and female (literal) empowerment in the face of those tragedies (and I mean there’s some complicated stuff in there about inflicting trauma upon others, even accidentally, and that’s kind of a witch thing too). And Sabrina is all well and good and everything, but what if you want your witch story to be a little less Dark Arts and a little more candy-coated? Have I got the film for you! Wes requested Teen Witch as part of his quest to expand my cheesy 80s cult classic knowledge, and boy did this one deliver. How 80s-tastic are we talking? Well...

The basic story is this: Louise (Robyn Lively) is a typical teen girl who occupies the nerd level of the high school hierarchy. You know the type - soft-spoken, nerdy best friend, has a crush on the cutest guy in school (Dan Gauthier), made fun of in gym class by all the cheerleaders. One day she crashes her bike in front of a psychic’s home/place of business and goes inside to use the phone, but gets her palm read first. The psychic, named Madame Serena, (Zelda Rubenstein, playing, I’m assuming, herself) tells her she will soon come into some witchy powers on her 16th birthday. When Louise’s birthday rolls around, you guessed it - witching aplenty. She gets the popularity, she gets the cute guy, she ditches her nerdy friend; it’s basically The Princess Diaries without Queen Julie Andrews. But then, y’know, she learns a valuable lesson about the high price of popularity and how important it is to be true to yourse--wait, no she doesn’t, she takes off her magic necklace and smooches with the boy she likes at the school dance and that’s how it ends.

Some thoughts:

This slow motion credit sequence is incredible. See, we just don’t have this anymore, where the movie starts and you have no fucking idea what’s going on. The 80s really knew how to draw an audience in. Is this a dream? Is this a music video? No one knows! That’s why it’s exciting!

Why are tv and movies so obsessed with a completely made-up depiction of what takes place outside a high school’s entrance before the first bell? Apparently there’s a busker festival going on at this high school every day - there’s guys doing BMX tricks, an all white rap group, I think I saw some jugglers.

I’ve actually taught in both middle and high school, so I know this English teacher (Shelley Berman) wouldn’t be fired for being such a shitty teacher, but he should be. 

Is this like...a musical? First there was the terrible rapping, now there are cheerleaders doing “the new cheer” which is literally a song just saying “I...LIKE...BOYS!” and there’s a dance routine on top of lockers - there’s a lot of towel choreography. It feels like a musical in the sense that it’s nonsensical, but I don’t actually think it IS a musical. Genre-defying!

It’s kinda creepy that Louise is watching an extended montage of Brad (Gauthier) working out shirtless from the shadows but like...same, girl. Damn, Brad.

Aw, at least Brad is reasonably nice. Louise, show some backbone! You shouldn’t have been too proud to let him drive you home after he ran you off the road on your bike accidentally!

I am just mystified by the market for roles that were appropriate for Zelda Rubenstein in the 80s. What is this niche? Which came first, Zelda Rubenstein, or these characters? 

I am also mystified by this gremliny little brother (Joshua John Miller) who seems to be obsessed with eating cake and never washing his hair. He’s like a goblin trapped in a diminutive nonbinary body made of pizza and spite. [ETA: I now feel a little bad for finding him so repellent in this, as the actor wrote one of my favorite meta horror movies, The Final Girls, in 2015. So at least he grew up and made something cool of himself.]

OMFG did Brad just hit the soda machine for her like the fucking Fonz? 

There is (temporarily) a Very Good Dog who is not harmed in any way.

In what universe does Louise see what her date, David (Jared Chandler), is wearing and be like “he’s such a geek” when she looks like an extra from Leave it to Beaver. 

The DJ just said “OK guys, grab your wallets, it’s a slow song.” What...does that even mean? Is he implying that slow dances are expensive? Ooh or even more nefarious, that there’s a rampant pickpocketing problem during slow dances?

Did Louise...just imply that the number of light years away a star is dictates how soon a wish you make on that star would come true? Listen. I’m no astrophysicist. But I have read enough Neil Degrasse Tyson tweets to know that that’s not how any of this works. 

OK I take back what I said, David is a fucking CREEP. Drag his ass, Louise. However, I think she may have straight up murdered him by making him disappear. David is never seen or heard from again in this film. 

Obsessed with the dad’s sweaters both because they are ridiculous and because he is the lesser Darren from the original Bewitched. 

It feels weird that Louise’s revenge involves forcing Mr. Weaver to take his clothes off in front of the class.Who wants that? Like I get that it’s humiliating for him, but really, you’re only punishing yourself here Louise. 

There is a rap-off that is meant to convey electric sexual tension between two nerdy ass white kids. 

I don’t know what it was like at your school, but I can tell you for sure that at my high school no one ever applauded when the most popular girl in school walked into the classroom like she’s Kramer making an entrance on Seinfeld.

Why is Brad taking her to an abandoned house in the middle of nowhere? And why is she wearing heels?

Oh god she took the heels off and now she’s barefoot in this decrepit house, that’s so much worse! TETANUS EXISTS LOUISE.

Wait are they going to fuck in the abandoned house? Brad has a girlfriend! You brought heels, but did you bring condoms?? I guess she has bigger concerns than tetanus now. Also I feel so bad for these actors, they are both DRIPPING sweat. That must have been a miserable shoot.

I’ve said this before, but the 80s were such an incredible time for himbo fashion. Crop tops, those tank tops with the giant holes for the arms, teeny little basketball shorts. In the 90s all we had were JNCOs and weirdly “urbanized” Looney Tunes characters on baggy t-shirts. Gen X has no idea how good they had it re: male fashion. 

I’m genuinely obsessed with the idea that popularity means the school just has banners all over that say “LOUISE” and she gets like, cards and fan mail that say “Louise U R the best.” This feels like if you ask a kindergartner what being popular means.

Madame Serena just said “the real magic is believing in yourself” which is exactly what Louise’s dad said like 15 minutes ago, but I guess he wasn’t a 3-foot-tall witch so no one paid attention when he said it. 

Y’know for an 80s prom outfit, Louise’s dress is pretty cute. 

I cannot stress enough that Brad’s girlfriend is at this dance while he and Louise are kissing! Does no one care? Were high school attitudes toward monogamy just way more flexible in the 80s? 

Did I Cry? Shyeah, right. 

This is such an odd, mostly charming, but wildly perplexing little movie. There was no antagonist or real conflict here, at all. Louise barely struggles with any sort of tension or remorse about having her powers and what it means for her life, she just kind of decides at the end that she’s over it, and she still gets the guy and no actual negative consequences from bending the entire school to her will for the past few months. I mean, in The Craft, when people use magic for their own gains, other people fucking DIE. I was definitely entertained, but a lot of it was due to me saying, “What? How? What?” loudly at the screen. I can see how this has gained a cult following in much the same way that other oddball 80s fare like Better Off Dead or Girls Just Wanna Have Fun did. Watch it once, then watch it again while you get drunk with your friends (in a post-Covid world, obviously) and you’ll probably have a pretty great time. 

If you liked this review, please consider reblogging or subscribing to my Patreon! For as low as $1, you can access bonus content and movie reviews, or even request that I review any movie of your choice.

#121in2021 #teen witch #teen witch review #robyn lively #dan gauthier #zelda rubinstein #movie reviews #film reviews #patreon review

[timelordthirteen]

2018 Fanfic Year in Review

Again, I’m late, but that seems to be the running theme so far in 2019. I did not hit my goal of 750K total words on AO3, but I should be able to get there pretty easily this year.

I said 2018 was going to be the year of finishing things and I totally didn’t. I did get my beloved Working Out done, but I have to be very strict with myself not to create new verses willy nilly and get some of these done. After my RBB fic, my priority is Some Other Time followed by The Don’t Fall in Love Job.

Stats: Words Posted on AO3: 153,964 Stories posted: 40 Verses created (multiple fics, same verse): 12 WIPs finished: 1 WIPs still to complete: 3, started this year

Total words on AO3 as of the end of the year: 682,128

January

Rumbelle

Sunlight-  Gold finds his wife lounging in the sun and can’t help himself. (nsfw)

Working Out Chapter 13 - It’s back!  The third date, a lot of kissing, and a confession.

Keep the Change - Lacey confronts Gold about a late notice for her rent and things…happen. (nsfw)

February

Rumbelle

Working Out Chapter 14 - Belle and Gold chat with their workout partners about their last date, Ruby and David get in some good natured teasing, and plans are made for a very important next date.

Working Out Chapter 15 - Leading up to the highly anticipated date night, Gold and Belle find help and reassurance from their friends.

If Wishes Were Kisses - Part 1 -  A series of ficlets covering all of Rumbelle’s canon kisses (including the ones we didn’t see on screen…).  Rumple and Belle’s first kiss, True Love’s Kiss from Skin Deep. Rumple POV.

Intervals - Part 14 - Ficlets set in the Working Out universe. A couple days before their big date, Gold and Belle meet up at the gym. NSFW… ;)

Anyelle/Anyem

Alchemy - Alchemy: a seemingly magical process of transformation, creation, or combination. Lacey finds an antagonistic note left in her classroom and confronts the person who wrote it. (Rushacey)

March

Rumbelle

Between Friends - Belle and Gold are best friends who are secretly in love with each other and living together. One night their mutual attraction boils over and finally brings them together. (nsfw)

Paris As It Lays - Belle has been working for Mr. Gold to fund her dream of traveling world, and fallen in love with him along the way. What happens when she asks him to come with her to Paris? An aesthetic and a ficlet for @mariequitecontrarie‘s birthday. (nsfw)

April

Rumbelle

Hearts Off Balance Chapter 2 & Chapter 3 (complete) Belle works at the same museum as Gold, and while she’s attracted to him, he’s being a huge ass. After being denied a promotion, she’s called into his office, and her frustration, sexual and otherwise, bubbles over. (nsfw)

Woven Lace

Happy Hour - An argument between Weaver and Lacey in Roni’s bar leads to sexy shenanigans in the bathroom. (nsfw)

May

Rumbelle

Parent Teacher Conference: Teacher Appreciation Week (nsfw) - Belle is a teacher, Gold is the parent of a student, and during parent-teacher conference night, they find themselves alone with their mutual attraction.

Parent Teacher Conference: Summer School (nsfw) - After a tutoring session, Belle and Gold find themselves alone in the house and unable to resist temptation.

Between Us (nsfw) - Rumplestiltskin accidentally spills a potion that has some interesting, awkward, and frustrating effects, which he tries to hide from Lady Belle. But Belle knows something is *up* and she’s determined to find out what… Part of The Between Verse Series.

Woven Lace

Scars to Show: Out of Sight (nsfw) - Lacey’s boyfriend is arrested, but not without incident. In the aftermath, Weaver finds himself on Lacey’s bad side, but an encounter at Roni’s leads to a making up… of sorts. Part of the Scars to Show verse which started with Happy Hour.

Doctor Who

Stay - Ten II x Rose For the drabble prompt “Stay” at doctorroseprompts on Tumblr.

June

Rumbelle

Parent Teacher Conference: 3 - After School Special (nsfw) - Gold and Neal go out for dinner, but whom should they see at Granny’s diner but the lovely Miss French.

Parent Teacher Conference: 4 - Distance Learning (nsfw) - A frustrated Belle starts fantasizing about Gold, who makes a very timely phone call.

Pillow Talk (nsfw) - For a prompt at a-monthly-rumbelling, Dark Castle, first time, fluff.  A quiet moment and some introspection after their first time.

Between Us Part 1 and 2 (nsfw)- Rumplestiltskin accidentally spills a potion that has some interesting, awkward, and frustrating effects, which he tries to hide from Lady Belle. For the lust potion prompt at a-monthly-rumbelling.

In These Final Hours (G) - Belle’s friends drag her out for drinks and karaoke on one of her last nights in Storybrooke. After a couple of glasses, she gets up the nerve to sing a song about unrequited love, secretly directed at her friend Mr. Gold. Except Mr. Gold is in the audience.

Woven Lace

Scars to Show: Lost On You (nsfw) - Lacey and Weaver go back to her place to finish what they started at the bar, but the end is not what Lacey expects.

July

Rumbelle

Lover of the Light - An RCIJ fic for @evilsnowswan. Belle finds a bowl of strawberries in the castle and it leads to a significant moment between her and Rumple. (nsfw)

Woven Lace

A Holy Fool - Weaver and Rogers do a little police work, but end up striking out. Meanwhile, Lacey has a disturbing moment after Nick is released from jail. (semi-nsfw but only for some dirty talk at the end)

August

Rumbelle

Parent Teacher Conference chapter 5 -  Belle has a no good, very bad day, and Gold makes it better. Right before he fucks it up… (nsfw)

Laundry Day -  Rumplestiltskin returns home to find Belle wearing a very interesting outfit. (nsfw)

Working Out chapter 16 COMPLETED!!! -  THE BIG DATE. Romance…go! I can’t believe I finished this fic finally.

Through a Paris Window - Gold admires his wife and can’t help taking a little video with his shiny new phone.

The Kissing Booth -  Belle is running a kissing booth to raise money for the library. When Gaston approaches, Mr. Gold comes to the rescue.

Golden Lace

The Don’t Fall in Love Job chapter 1 -  Con artist Lacey never planned on staying in Storybrooke, just long enough to let the heat cool off in Boston from her last job. She also never planned on falling in love with the town’s eccentric pawn broker, Mr. Gold, but here she is living a life built on nothing bu lies. Well, almost nothing… This is what happens after it all falls apart.

September

Rumbelle

Parent Teacher Conference chapter 6 - In the immediate aftermath of Neal disrupting their activities, Gold calls Belle and makes amends for his behavior. AKA Gold done fucked up and he knows it, but Belle is pretty forgiving…and also horny on main. (nsfw)

After Party - Belle and Gold arrive home from a formal party to have another party of their own.

The Bartender chapter 5  - After 84 years no updates, ta-da! Bartender!Belle and Gold work their Saturday night together.

Only Something in Me -  Furious over Rumple’s involvement with the Evil Queen, Belle confronts him in his shop. But things do not go as planned once Belle’s anger and jealous take over. Post 6x07 Heartless.

Golden Lace

The Don’t Fall in Love Job chapter 2 -  Con artist Lacey fic for the little Angst War continues. Gold goes after Lacey, and things get a bit heated. (nsfw)

The Don’t Fall in Love Job chapter 3 - After leaving Storybrooke, Lacey gets some unexpected, life changing news, and remembers the first time she met Mr. Gold.

Some Other Time - College student Lacey dumps her boyfriend and needs a new apartment, it just so happens her professor, Dr. Gold, has a room to rent. (Teen)

Some Other Time chapter 2 - For anon who asked: Does Some Other Time!Lacey do yoga? If so, does Gold like to watch without her noticing? (rating goes up to Mature!)

October

Rumbelle

The Bartender Part 6 - After not seeing Gold for a couple of weeks, Belle reflects on her feelings for him and decides to track him down.

The Bartender Part 7 - Now awake, Rumplestiltskin makes his way to his shop to recover and remember how he and Lacey met, while he figures out what to do next.

Parent Teacher Conference Chapter 7 - Belle goes to visit Gold in his shop, and of course naughtiness ensues. Extremely naughty (read the warnings.) (nsfw)

November

Rumbelle

The Bartender Part 8 - Rumplestiltskin visits Belle (Lacey) at the Rabbit Hole to make amends, and a date happens.

Parent Teacher Conference Chapter 8 - Belle goes to Gold’s house for dinner, but things don’t turn out the way either of them plan. 

Parent Teacher Conference Chapter 9 - Gold and Belle finally confront their feelings, and the future begins. (nsfw, and also complete!!)

Golden Lace

Some Other Time Part 3 -  Following Gold’s post-shower, full frontal mishap, Lacey attends one of his classes and things get…suggestive. (nsfw)

December

Rumbelle

The Pretty Librarian - Mr. Gold goes to the library to return a book and something unexpected happens. (nsfw)

Rumbelle/Golden Lace/Woven Lace/Macelle for 31 Days of Fandomas

A Card for Mr. Gold - Part 1 - 9 (Rumbelle, G) -  Mr. Gold receives a card on Christmas Eve.

The Gift - A Working Out ficlet (Rumbelle, Teen) - Belle gives Gold the best Christmas gift ever. Takes place after Working Out!Rumbelle are married, approximately 2.5 years after the end of the main story.

Win-Win Situation (Rumbelle, Explicit) -  Belle and her husband get up to some naughtiness at a holiday charity event. (nsfw)

Desperate Souls (Macelle and Macey, Teen) - Ex-priest Joseph is having a bad day, but someone is watching over him.

Yippee Ki Yay (Woven Lace, Mature) - Lacey and Weaver spend Christmas together. (nsfw)

Traditions(Golden Lace, G) - Lacey thinks she’s going to spend Christmas alone.

Some Other Time - Part 4 (Golden Lace, Explicit) - The incident with the lollipop behind them, Gold and Lacey look forward to the holidays. (nsfw)

Carol of the Belles (Rumbelle, G) - Mr. Gold is being driven slowly mad by the caroling outside his house.

All I Want for Christmas Part 1 - 5 (Rumbelle, Teen) - Young Gideon French tells Mr. Gold what he’d like for Christmas.

Very Nice Indeed (Golden Lace, Explicit) - Lacey asks Gold if she’s been naughty or nice. (nsfw)

One Hour (Woven Lace, Mature) - Lacey talks Weaver into going to a holiday party. (nsfw)

Some Other Time - Part 5 (Golden Lace, Explicit) - Lacey gets a package, and Gold gets a peek. (nsfw)

By the Fire (Rumbelle, G) - A quiet moment in the Dark Castle.

The Ornament (Golden Lace, G) - Lacey returns and sees Gold has fixed something.

Peppermint(Golden Lace, Explicit) - Gold needs to hear the words. (nsfw)

Some Other Time - Part 6 (Golden Lace, Explicit) - Lacey plans a sexy surprise for Gold, but her plans get derailed by another surprise. (Takes place immediately after the last chapter.) (nsfw)

Resolutions - New Year’s Eve aesthetic + drabble (Golden Lace, Teen) - Mr. Gold has made a New Year’s resolution.  

Kastle

No One Says It Out Loud (Kastle, Teen) - Karen’s house sitting for the holidays and Frank’s back in town.

#rumbelle #rumbelle fic #year in fic #fic

[themagnificentartofshipping]

Im planning on rewatching Once Upon a Time, mostly to watch Emma and Hook fall in love again. Also just to help me realize when exactly I stopped liking certain characters and what has changed in the way i see things now with the series being basically completely over and it being a few years. I might make posts about it, I’m not sure. I’m going to on this, have the opinions i have now prior to rewatching. That will be under the cut because you might not care and some of it is reference for me.

Season 1:Its a great opening for the show. I really enjoyed Regina as the villain and her and Emma’s antagonistic dynamic was great. Emma learning about Henry and their blossoming relationship was the cutest and so great. I also loved the friendship between Emma and Mary Margaret. Had some great quotes. Loved the introduction to the characters and how they are connected to each other. I WILL NEVER GET OVER GRAHAM’S DEATH!!!! It hurt me so much and Regina’s reasoning for killing him was such bullshit. The curse breaking was pretty great. The duality between the Enchanted Forest stories and the Storybrooke ones was very well done and well balanced which i missed in later seasons.

Season 2: I loved this season mostly cause we meet Hook but also because it just continues the storyline nicely. Seeing everyone deal with the aftermath of the curse breaking was good. Emma and the Charmings awkwardly trying to figure out how to do the family thing was endearing. I still liked Regina’s character, the conflict she had in this season made sense and I liked it. Cora was very interesting in this season. Seeing Rumple’s actual reason for using the curse(finding his son) was nice. I got to see more Bae which I liked. Backstory and flashbacks were used well. Seeing Emma’s past was great. The addition of characters in this season felt organic and just fit really well. And Mulan is a queen, i love her so much. Emma being in the enchanted forest. Great set up for the next season and Neverland. I love Belle so seeing more of her was great. I also enjoy the development Hook has from his introduction til the end of this season and his willing to give up revenge to save Henry/help Emma. As much as I hate Neal, I think his addition to this season was necessary to Emma’s storyline as well as Rumple’s and even Hook’s to a degree. So even though he sucks, his character was able to show us different sides and dynamics of other characters that I thought was important. Even though I wish certain things involving him were handled in better ways.

Season 3: This is my favourite season. Both 3A and 3B are amazing. Neverland is great, Everyone trying to work together to save Henry is great. Sassy Hook and Sassy Regina, amazing. Emma taking charge is great. Hook’s belief in Emma. More of Hook’s backstory. That fucking kiss. Hook’s secret. Emma using her magic. Meeting Tink. “I hoping you were dead” Peter Pan was a cool villain. Regina and Rumple’s evil shit not meshing with the Charmings. Hook saving David. Neverland was kind of my life. I’m gonna say it is around the time that I start to have some issues with Snow. I also didnt love that both David and Snow were pushing Emma towards Neal but, I believe they likely didnt know the whole story. Rumple killing himself to kill Pan was fucking epic. Pan being in Henry’s body was a boss twist. Emma and Hook’s goodbye. Mulan being into women, yay!! Her heart being broken boo!!! Belle and Ariel teaming up was chill, I think this season had Belle’s hero flashback and that was great, but I honestly don’t remember when that happened. 3B was amazing. Hook believing Emma was his true love, him going to find her. Zelena was a good villain. Also the Cora flashback was fucking crazy. Neal was an idiot in this season but, whatever. Hook and Henry bonding. Hook’s regret for what he did to Belle and Ariel. Regina and Tink flashback was into it. Outlaw Queen loved. Liked that David and Snow had another baby, didnt like the name. Regina suddenly getting light magic was weird and not totally into. Loved Zelena/Regina showdowns though. The finale was the greatest thing ever. Like everything about it was great. “Someday I’ll stop chasing this woman” “I’d go to the end of the world for her, or time” “We both know i’m his type” Past!hook scene. When they kidnap Marion. When Emma deprived Hook of his dashing rescue. The ball!!! Watching Emma watch her parents meet. David and Hook’s talk. “You traded your ship for me?” “Aye” That fucking kiss!!! Rumple and Belle’s vows were amazing even though there wedding upset me. Like I was really pissed cause this mofo was lying to her again. Regina not getting to be happy w/ Robin sucked but, her bitching to Emma about it was trash. And i forget about how adorable Roland is.

Season 4: I like 4A like alot actually. I know a lot of people aren’t a fan of the frozen arc, but I like it. I love Elsa in this. She has a really great friendship with Emma and I like that their friendship isn't over complicated with connections to her family. Elsa also helps Emma accept her magic which I love and she understands that part of Emma in way no one else does. I kind of wish Elsa could have been on longer so Emma could continue to have her own friendships. I enjoy Emma trying to learn how to control her magic. I dont love Ingrid as a villain but I like her backstory well enough and I like how her involvement gives us a look into Emma’s past/childhood. Killian and Emma trying to have a relationship after the whole epic kiss thing is nice. There date is amazeballs. They are like really in love and become committed to making it work through this season and I love that. I’m not a huge fan of Snow through either half of this season, I felt like she was the person who saw the worst in Emma both presently and in the past. I find it really telling that in 4B we see that she is the one to see the vision of evil!Emma. I think this is the season I stop liking Regina cause her angst is kind of dumb and she’s very pity me about it. I love Belle at the end of 4A when she sends Rumple away, I think it is a very empowering moment where she stands up for herself and is able to stand up to her abuser. I like how 4A has a nice intro to Lily through the things we’ve seen of Emma’s past. 4B I liked significantly less then 4A. The season really putting Snowing in a bad light particularly Snow and I believe it definitely highlights the fact that David’s relationship with Emma is closer and healthier then the one Snow has with Emma. The fact that they gave Emma potential for darkness to another kid is super fucked up. I actually find this whole concept kind of dumb, like I don’t think it was a good storyline, it just dumb. Killian trying to make amends with Belle and succeeding til the point that they are friends is great. Rumple scheming to get Belle back is awful. I find Operation Mongoose pretty awful like I feel that Regina blaming the universe for her not getting a happy ending with Robin is dumb. I think that this idea that a villain can’t get a happy ending might be true when you are still a villain but it isn’t true if you are a reformed villain case in point being Killian his relationship with Emma is great this season and he is an actually villain who has and continued to have a really good redemption arc. So the fact that Regina isnt getting a happy ending and her line of thought is along the lines of the actual villains of this season proves she hasnt had a real redemption arc no matter what the characters in universe seem to believe. I do like Maleficent and Regina friendship. Cruella being a villain with no tragic backstory was refreshing. The introduction of the author was cool. Zelena pretending to be Marion was so fucked up and the fact that she got pregnant means that Robin was sexually assaulted(he consented to sleeping with Marion, not Zelena). I liked Lily being involved but I hate that she was never mentioned again. Henry become the author was pretty great. I really liked how the apprentice was all over this season leading to Merlin's involvement next season. Emma sacrifice herself was an intense moment.

Season 5A: I didnt like this season, I believe it was an okay idea but executed poorly. I loved Merlin and liked Camelot and evil!King Arthur was interesting. Violet and Henry were cute and I loved seeing Henry’s first relationship. Emma and Hook’s thoughts on a future together were nice. Getting to see Mulan and Ruby again was great. I thought Merida came out of nowhere and i didn’t think she had a reason to be there so, I didn't love her. Belle giving Rumple another chance upset me. Emma made grave errors in judgement but she did do everything for love, so I felt conflicted. Dark hook was sort of entertaining. Emma killing Killian was heartbreaking.Her threatening Gold was badass. Gold lying to Belle again was fucking annoying. Emma going to the underworld to save her mans was great.

Season 5B: I have issues with this Arc on many levels. One being I like greek mythology and because of that I hate when Hades is portrayed as like super evil when he’s really not, he’s stern and stubborn but not evil. He tends not to actually torture people there are other people in the underworld to do that and that only really happens in Tartarus where only the worst of the worst go and though he implements punishments he tends not to be the one who created them, that tends to be the gods that the people in Tartarus actually messed with. So they vastly misrepresented him and I was not a fan of that. And as cute as Zelena and Hades might have been Hades is married and is the only god who doesnt really cheat on his wife so I’m not overtly a fan of that. If we discard everything that is wrong about Hades and the underworld there are other issues I have with this season. Regina is just pretty awful in this season. She tries to force Robin to forgive Zelena as well as let her see his kid when this woman raped him. She also treats Emma like crap like she’s a super hypocrite, the way Regina treats Emma when Hook dies and the way she expects Emma to treat her after Robin dies is ridiculous. Robin’s death is also fucking awful. And Regina blaming Zelena pisses me off but whatever. I thought Liam was kind of dick. And Rumple was even more garbage then I expected. I loved getting to see Milah and I found the flashbacks really good. I enjoy that even with Rumple trying to cause Milah and Emma to hate each other they didn’t. I’m really pissed that Rumple made it impossible for Milah to move on. I wish there was more Milah. Seeing James was fun, like it was hilarious. Cruella and James as a couple was pretty great. Emma and Killian being confirmed true love was amazing. OTP of the gods!!! Emma’s family was very supportive of her. Ruby and Mulan being in an episode was nice and I liked that we had a true love kiss between two women but I would have loved for the first LGBTQ couple on the show to have Mulan be apart of it because I want her to have love so bad. Also I’d rather it be two characters I care about then One character I care about ,Ruby and a character that we barely know, Dorothy. Henry trying to destroy magic was dumb, I understand why he tried, it was just misguided though. He also needs to stop hero worshipping Neal. King Arthur running the underworld is boss. I don’t remember much from the finale other then the destroy magic thing and i know that Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde was introduced.

Season 6: Wasnt great. I liked Emma and Hook moving in together and the wedding. The musical episode was good. Belle choosing to leave Rumple and having the support of her friends specifically Killian was very moving and empowering. It felt like she was finally done with Rumple which was great and why her getting back with Rumple at the end of the season was so heartbreaking for me. Hyde actually being the good one was cool. Regina using the serum was awful and stupid and I hated it, it was just her trying to take the easy way out of redemption. The wish universe was awful and truthfully nothing in it actually made sense like the timeline has to have totally change for Emma to have met Neal in a universe where the curse didn't occur. Wish!Robin ending up with the Evil half of Regina was ironic and hilarious. The flashbacks were used a lot to add unnecessary drama particular the Hook ones. I found the black fairy to be a let down in terms of villains, especially after basically having the evil queen as the villain. She was also basically Rumple and Regina as one villain but with a lot less character depth to make me care in anyway. Rumple being a saviour was awful and didn't make sense. Belle not getting to raise Gideon sucked. Gideon over all was annoying and I think the writers wanted me to sympathize with him and I just didn't. All the added characters happened way too fast and there was just a bunch of characters that were forgotten.

#once upon a time #my thoughts on the seasons minus 7 #anti rumple #anti regina #i guess anti snow but im not sure #Captain Swan #gonna rewatch #this is really long #I dont expect anyone to read #might not make total sense #anti rumbelle

[themattress]

The GOOD things about the OUAT Finale

The finale for the sixth season and original series of Once Upon a Time was sadly not on par with previous finales (save for Season 5′s) nor the ideal series finale it could have been.  But with that said, there were several positive aspects to it and I think they are worth looking at.

The Parallels - While the literal usage of the Dark Curse in order to give a sense of coming full circle was groan-worthy, there were many great parallels to the first season that came along with it such as Emma and Henry’s relationship, the evil gaslighting female mayor, Snow and Davd’s kiss and following exchange, the place they were married, Emma’s old apartment, Henry getting a sword from Mr. Gold just like Emma did in the finale, and of course the role-reversed True Love’s Kiss between Emma and Henry. That all worked.

Mayor Fiona - Fiona as the Black Fairy was a pretty lame villain, even with Jamie Murray doing her best in the role.  The awkward attempts to portray her as the Ultimate Evil and sheer unoriginality of combining many past Big Bad traits into one character left me very unimpressed.  But strangely enough, as the mayor of her cursed Storybrooke, Fiona finally became genuinely scary and despicable to me.  How seamlessly she could adopt the mask of being a kind, caring person made her even more hateful than the over-the-top Mayor Mills of Season 1, and her absolute psychotic conviction that all of her manipulative villainy was for a just cause made her frightening.  In the end, she was actually a pretty decent final foe.

The Multiversal Apocalypse - Even though the reason for it happening made absolutely no freaking sense (Why is the existence of all the realms suddenly bound to the Savior’s belief?), I still loved the stakes and intensity that it brought to the finale.  It was also a fantastic visual.  The image of a darkness consuming the world brings to mind the Nothing from The Neverending Story, which makes perfect sense for a show like this to reference. 

Operation Cuckoo’s Nest - Thank you, Henry. Finally a real nod to the fact that the psyche ward nurse and janitor are so clearly Nurse Ratched and Chief Bromdan from that story.

Hook’s Speech - In front of the beanstalk where the Captain Swan relationship officially began, Hook makes a passionate speech to David that sums up exactly why the couple, despite the missteps made with it in the past two seasons, is so great.  They weren’t some pre-destined pair that was guaranteed a happy ending by fate (the kind of relationship that Swanfire shippers insist that their ship was), it was two people who had to fight for their love and earn their happy ending.  Even better, Hook acknowledges the fact that is barely talked about in-show and out of it: that he and Emma made each other better.  Previously the show had been acting as if was just the love of a good woman than changed a bad man, while certain fans seem to think that Hook made Emma worse since S1 Emma is the pinnacle of strength and badassery (more on that later…), but in fact both characters have helped develop and improve one another over the course of their relationship. That is why CS > all.

Captain Charming - Following up from this, Hook and David’s beanstalk adventure and the reflection it shows on how their relationship has developed is beautiful.  If you ignore the bullshit retcon about Hook killing David’s father like the show does once its purpose of contrived temporary angst has been served, then the Hook/David bromance has been one of the show’s most endearing bonds over several seasons, and it culminates with the exchange where David admits to Hook that “he’s not trusting a pirate, he’s trusting his son….in-law.” 

Rumple’s Comical Misogyny - Rumple has always been a misogynist and usually it’s disgusting, but in both episodes of this finale it crosses the line into flat-out hilarity.  The first is when Fiona, after some dramatic build-up, reveals the supposed fate of Belle under this curse to him.  She has dared to pull a Milah, leaving her family to actually pursue her own dreams and sustain her own well-being by travelling the world!  Rumple’s horrified face as he looks through the obviously Photoshopped selfies of Belle at foreign landmarks is priceless. The second is when Rumple kills Fiona.  Not only is this another woman to add to his body count, but it’s his own mother!  Rumple’s habit of killing women who oppose him has finally reached the point where he kills the very woman whose womb he came from, the very woman who birthed him!  Again, his expression after this deed coupled with his shaking arm is hilarious, as if even he realizes just how fucked up his murderous misogyny has gotten!

The Book Burning Scene - The closing scene of Part 1, where Emma burns the Once Upon a Time storybook all while shit is getting real back in the Enchanted Forest, is excellently shot and scored.  I especially like when Fiona is to the side of Emma, tempting her, with flames seen just below her to signify how devilish she is, and when Emma sees the burning page of Hook’s picture which triggers something in her subconscious memory. It’s True Love, people.

“Hello there, Mummy” - Just…that line from Hook to Snow.  Best line in the whole finale.

The Evil Queen - One of the biggest surprises in the finale was the return of the Evil Queen who had been split from Regina and served as the main antagonist for the first half of the season.  Not only was the plot hole of her previous “happy ending” addressed (it wasn’t safe for her in the Wish Realm), but she proved to be noble and self-sacrificing in a way that Regina seldom has been.  I mostly liked the Evil Queen earlier in the season, and her performance in this finale just reinforces my firm belief that like with Jekyll and Hyde, it’s the alleged “dark” part who is truly the better half.  I can actually get behind her happy ending.

Gideon Gold - I never cared for Gideon throughout this season.  He was a whiny psycho who lacked charisma when he first showed up, and the retcon that his heart was being controlled by the Black Fairy still didn’t endear me to him.  But, like his surrogate mother, he was actually more effective here.  First he was a complete asshole under the curse which helped show how bad Fiona and what she has done is, then he was hilarious with his befuddled reactions to Fiona ranting on about magic and having his heart, and finally he was a truly sympathetic figure, forced to be a puppet who had to fight and kill Emma even when he didn’t want to, a huge improvement over his “I wanna be the Savior!” crap from before.  I actually felt for him, and was glad that he was reset into a baby, giving him another chance.

Emma’s Character Development - Whenever people say they want “Season 1 Emma” back, they seldom mean the Emma who had great plot relevancy who got to be the hero, nor the Emma who saw Regina for the sociopath that she was and stood up to her.  No, they mean they want the shallowly “badass” Emma who was cold and muted in her emotional reactions, wore leather jackets all the time, punched people, said snarky things to everyone, and who was cynical and unbelieving in magic…and who was also a sad, pathetic loner. She was someone with no life beyond her job, had no friends because she pushed everyone away with her “walls”, and refused to believe in magic that she was at the center of because her self-esteem was so low that she refused to believe she had any such worth.  All that bluster about “punching back and saying ‘this is who I am’?  Just a way to repress what she truly thought of herself: as an unlovable orphan.  In this finale, they brought Season 1 Emma back, were not subtle about how negative a person she was, and then showed just how she’s changed for the better.  Even when cursed to regress back to her Season 1 self, all of Emma’s development doesn’t just disappear.  It’s still there in her subconscious, and thus she ends up doing something the actual Season 1 Emma would never have done - believe in Henry and believe in herself because she wants to be the kind of magical hero he insists that she is and she’s willing to take a chance on becoming that hero. She’s truly punching back - against her own bleak outlook - and defining who she is: the Savior, giver of hope and light.

Rumple Beside Himself - Why did it take until the last episode for Rumple in his present-day Mr. Gold identity to stand opposite from his manic, sparkly past alter-ego?  Given how the Dark One was established to work in Season 5, this felt like a much more natural thing to have happen than Regina and the Evil Queen sharing screentime together.  Robert Carlyle is fantastic in both roles, as Rumple is tempted by his own dark side into once again making the wrong choice and screwing everyone over, but for some reason or other, he’s not having any of it this time and does the right thing.  This doesn’t redeem him by a long shot, especially since the current crisis is his own fault, but it’s nice to see him take a stand all the same.

The Final Battle - Fiona may go out in an anticlimactic way, but she does leave behind a pretty ingenious trap: she gives Gideon’s heart the command for him to kill Emma at all costs. If Emma is killed, then light magic as embodied by her will die.  If Emma kills Gideon, who is an innocent victim, it will cause light magic to die too!  In a callback to 6x02, Regina says Emma can find the third way that she could not when faced with a similar situation when the Charmings were attacked by the heart-controlled Edmond Dantes.  She finds that third way by allowing Gideon to stab her in order to save him, hoping that a self-sacrifice like this will spare light magic.  At the same time, Rumple gives Gideon’s heart the command to not kill Emma, which can’t fully override Fiona’s command but causes his stab to curse her rather than irretrievably kill her.  And because good as represented by the Savior and evil as represented by the almost-Savior both did the right thing, both combatants of the Final Battle are able to survive it.  I’ll admit it - that’s actually some decent writing. Still, I’d rather Rumple have died as a part of his contribution, since it’s pretty galling that he gets off scot-free. 

The Closure - The happy ending montage is beautiful…for the most part, anyway.  The “Swan-Mills Family” pandering moment is ridiculous, and Regina and Rumple’s big scenes are morally twisted and infuriating.  But the closing scenes for Snow, David, Emma and Hook are all perfect, with the first couple finally getting a better house complete with a barn and David’s old dog, and the second couple patrolling the streets as sheriff and deputy, with the hilarious added detail of a siren put on the yellow bug.  And if you’re actually able to stomach the presence of Regina, Zelena, Rumple and Belle, then the final shot of the big family dinner at Granny’s is pretty touching as well, especially when it turns into the final page of the book. 

#Once Upon a Time #ABC #The Final Battle #Finale #Opinion #Analysis