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mydearguineverewrites · 3 years

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In this post, I AM JUST DONE. For over a year, I’m done being kind, brushing off his disrespect, and I’m done convincing myself it’s not worth my energy by reacting to his disrespect and it’s better to stay silent. HELL NO. I’m going to air this bitch out. And yes, I’m done emancipating myself to appear as the bigger person. All hell breaks loose level 1 of fucking 6. I wish to never sound and appear heartless and mean to anyone, but since he have disrespected me shitloads of tons already, do allow me to write this piece. Let this be a one time, big time thing. (+ more screenshots below; I compiled all my drafts into one post.)

Languages: English, Tagalog, Bisaya

———

"Walang ibang makakaalam kahit friends pa natin. Tayo lang. Okay???"

First off, let me roast myself. Jen, that was one of the most obvious redflags. Keeping things in secret so he can discard you and deny you easily anytime he wants to and leave no trace behind. How stupid can you get? You just love to turn a blind eye, don’t you? Aren’t you tired of being deceived? You’re quite dense when it comes to emotionally unstable b0yz hNnNg! <3 Basta okay naka ron Jennifer ha, no more anxiety and overthinking. You have set yourself free from his shackles, away from toxicity, at last.

Now, may the rants come to light, his deeds be exposed, and tea be served. Enjoy~

— Background story —

My ex lied to me again (Jen, the jokes on you for allowing him to “redeem” himself!) in the process of rebuilding what we had left. He had so many chances to say it, but he didn’t. I know he just simply lied for the sake of it and kept me blind. It was clear as day. He never mentioned he found someone new and ended things with me for the reason being him emotionally unstable, his anxiety arises, and how the distance between us was frustrating. He never mentioned it despite our words that when we find someone new (or in his case, another source of supply boost & fuel for his ego) the latter must be informed. We even exchanged our I miss you’s without my knowledge that he was pursuing someone else. The night he ended things, he told me to block him in all possible communication platforms or I’ll make it harder for him to move on with the temptation of talking to me; as to respect his last wishes concerning the last of us, I did. Before we ended us, I made him read about my inner thoughts of sharing my future with him to assure him my loyalty will never falter. I even heard his voice cracked during our last call. He asked me if I could wait for 5 years for him to come back, where he is all better and more stable in life, and my response is already a given. I cannot comprehend just why (o sadyang gago lang jud bitaw siya) he suddenly jumped into a relationship when days before he made it official with his current, he texted me: I miss you like hell. Trainer kas pokemon, chuy? GOTTA CATCH THEM ALL? I unblocked him and confronted him right away when I figured out his schemes. He called me in no time and I picked it up right away infuriatingly. He was caught off guard with all the spaces, silence and sighs altogether everytime I asked a question. (Wa damhi nga masakpan? Pero at least diba maka public naka’g twt. Congrats!)

— Nov. 10, 2020 —

Him: For the record, I ended things between us before naging kami. Again, sobrang sudden na naging kami. Sobrang bilis ng pangyayari, Jen.

First off, diko bugo aron di makita ug makonek imong mga kagaguhan (pero bugo ko sa part na gitagaan pa tika’g chance). It’s obvious you already planned everything. You’re one of the most astounding manipulator I have ever known. You’re so good at making people trust you and make them think you’re so real for being so transparent and open about your ‘dark past.’ You’ll admit all the negative traits and claim you’re still ‘this type of person’ in a joking manner just to use it in the future against someone when they have fitted all the puzzles upon your manipulative ways then say it to their face how you have always said the ‘truth’ in the first place, yet they chose to brush it off because they only took your ‘truth’ as a joke. Very clever. I know how your brain works now after the shit you have put me through.

“sObRaNg BiLis” my ass. Grabe ka cringe sa mga tikal nimo. Cringe to the bones. Can you make up a better lie? I was not born yesterday. Mura ka’g bata mamakak. Waka gingil-ngigan sa imong mga binuhatan?

“SoBrAnG sUdDeN nA NaGiNg KaMi” practice ka’g dula para sa minute to win it, chuy? Nag overlap guro imong pangigat guro? Is she even aware of your lies?

Maski naka private pa imo twt (aron di makita imo katag 😚) kahibaw tawon kos ganap oy maski gahilom hilom ko. Basi’g kalimot ka nga naa gareport nako. I gave you the benefit of the doubt kay katong first incident lage nga ‘newfound friendz’ lol How charming of you.

Here are two of your messages you sent to me:

TELEGRAM: (1) And I'm not asking you to trust me. I know I should earn it. But please wag naman ibase sa mga nakikita online yung totoong nararamdaman ko sayo. (2) Nothing serious about sa mga tweets or comments ko sa kanya, you know my humor.

Diyan talaga ako nadali sa ‘hUm0r’ mo koya ih :”> The fact that you were trying to earn my trust and there you were freely exposing yourself giving me a reason to DOUBT you and question your sincerity. Aha gibutang imong common sense ug utok? I suggest for you to keep rolling your eyes, maybe you’ll find a brain back there.

Funny masyado humor mo talaga hihihi Di lang sa qualified ka maging clown, you can be the whole circus!

Also, listen here you big of a cheat. Back with your recent message (Nov 10). That's not the issue here. When you are pursuing someone, you shouldn't have some baggage left with your past (wait, pinagsabay mo kaya kami?). Do I really have to break it down for you? It’s so basic. Like c’mon, have some senses. Makabugo ka pramis. 5 days before you find yourself committed in a new relationship, you implied how you wanted to spend your future with me, let alone asked me if I can wait for you in the next 5 years but you already were dating another girl. So bale rebound mo siya? Or since siya yung nasa malapit, siya muna? lulz. This is not the first time it happened because even before we got together, I didn’t know you left someone back in GenSan! WEW POGI!!!! (Iniwan nga ba o pinagsabay mo rin yata kami nun? Gwapoha oipsxz. Samok samok jud kaykas kinabuhi sa tao. Di mabuhi’g way kaigat.) Okay lang sana pag ikaw nagbabayad sa dates pero hindi eh. Charot! Cheating is never okay. I’d say everything that happened in our relationship, but I ain’t exploiting too much na, I have a tendency to overshare pa naman.

BUT I LOVE OVERSHARING SOMETIMES 🤠To have a witness about my emotions and pains, especially when we were still together. Like, ‘Yes po, opo. Yeah, it’s true po how he did this shit and I want everyone to know how cruel he was to me. He even acted like he was single online when we were together and pathetically thirsts over girls dancing with their cleavage showing and gets excited seeing boobies like a little boy and I cry everynight because I got insecure of myself for not looking like those girls and yes po, when our pictures were posted online his friends were shameless with their comments po so that says a lot about his character, I settled for more than less po, like I settled to become his emotional punching bag and slave, I even paid everything just so that he can survive po like load, fare, food, medicine, and wrote his note for his exam and wrote his assignments and bought him clothes huhu but this is all I get in return yawa. Then ano po, I felt shitty about myself because of what he said and did kahit siya lang talaga may problema kasi he reacts on the pettiest things and namura niya ako and said demeaning words. He also stood me up before when he told me to go in S&R first (he was at Palawan Pawnshop) so we can have our pizza friday but I pissed him off thru text because I told him I don’t have enough budget to buy pizza and asked him if he could pay me when he’s in S&R. So I bought 2 slices of pizza and shared my concern about my money again and that’s where he ditched me because of my indecisiveness. He warned me not to piss him off because his family already annoyed him, it’s like walking on eggshells; and that’s how he ditched me all alone at S&R waiting for exactly no one anymore. A girl with 2 pizzas on the table with teary-eyes. I never had an anxiety so bad po until he came to my life and I was traumatized in ways he cannot imagine. He also was the reason why my gopro hero black 7 won’t function any longer because he threw it in the pool saying “this is waterproof” so fuck. My heart still hurts. He never apologised for it. He also accidentally swatted my phone with his arm because we were being playful so it fell hard on concrete the reason why my phone gradually got broken and he never at least partly apologised for it. I also remember that night when it was raining and we had night class, we were on our way to school and I let him hold my umbrella, I was clinging onto him because I don’t want to get wet but I accidentally stepped on his new cleaned shoes so he was mad pissed and turned cold. He ignored my complaints how half of my shirt/shoulder and arm got soaked from the raindrops yet he was all dry. I didn’t bring it up when we reach the class because I don’t wanna complain about “small things”. He even used to break-up with me a lot of times as a punishment for disappointing him then expect me to come chasing him back. Tapos in the end po sobra na po talaga, I caught him cheating on me di lang sa isang babae pero more than the number of my fingers po huhuhu yawa po talaga, (actually po, aware na po ako na nagcheat siya dati pa pero diko alam bakit nag stay ako huhu) but after all those things he did to me, I was too soft to slander him po and I didn’t have enough energy to throw hate and surround my life with dramas because of him’ type of witness. Oh shit did I just summarise our entire inspiring relationship? 🤠🤠🤠 Anyway, when we were together he even— <I decided to cut out the most part because then I’d feel bad for him and it’s embarrassing to let people know I have been treated in such a way.> I was becoming less of myself when we were together. He’s not used from people standing up to him, he wants to normalize his disrespectful ways and conclude: ‘You did not accept me for who I am.’ 😢

HOY PAMINAW: THERE IS A FINE LINE BETWEEN ACCEPTING SOMEONE AS THEY ARE AND REFUSING TO ACCEPT SOMEONE WHO HAS TOXIC PATTERNS. I ain’t accepting that shit of couse so I’m gonna have to stand up for myself. Did I just enter a relationship just to fight a losing battle and lose my sanity? To think it’s my first relationship...what the hell. He just do not care how his words and action can be damaging to someone. It was obvious, it was not hard to tell he was a spoiled kid, always wanting to get what he wants and throw tantrums when he doesn’t. To summarize everything: he was a manchild who have issues with himself. End of oversharing!

I’ve had taken the “boyfriend” role. I learned to never believe in your words, but hell I can confidently say your patterns are so evident. The first time we talked, I said: “I can see right through you.” (But Jen, damn gorl, tama ka pero ugok jud ka. YOU DESERVE WHAT YOU TOLERATE! Tagam kaayo eh. You need to stop being so dumb. Additionally, shoutout to those people who criticised me because of how ‘dumb’ and ‘stupid’ I became all because of him. I was never like this lol Sakit makadawat ug mga inistoryahan gikan sa mga tao nga akong gisaligan ug sa mga dili kaayo nako kaila pero nag judge sa akong choices haha pero ge lang. Niabot japon sa ako ang chika haha pero humana nata dira. Unta naka move on na ang tanan.)

These are all enough. 🙂 Back to the present issue. Gina unsa nimo pag tulog? Himala noh makatulog paka’g malinawon. Why build a relationship with lies as one of the foundations? You did not only LIE to ME. You also LIED to HER. ~Let that sink in~ but you seem to never have penetrated any crucial informations and morals into that thick skull of yours. Well, that’s what you are anyway: a liar and a cheat. (Probably a user too, aside from being a manipulator)

“Yun lang sana pag lahat okay na, pwede pa.”

Sanaol sadboi na fckboi. Ugh, what a manchild. Sad messages sa akoa pero perting jamming sa lain <3 Imagine lying? I could never! I’m utterly cringing at your lies.

——

No, I am not dwelling from sadness from what he did. Surprisingly, it was easy for me to get over him. The universe saved me from this hell I experienced from someone who has an inner wounded child. I’m never letting anyone treat me like that again. Also, since I have shared some bits of what I went through with him, after we broke up–he became less harsh. He learned how to sincerely apologize and reflect on himself. He had a lot of growth tbh. Especially around July, he became understanding and more sensitive. I stopped fearing him. Just have to put it there. I’ll make another post to redeem him lol hahahahahaha

It’s ironic having made an impact on his life, yet I was kept in secret. We were both each others’ secrets. Though I know, in time I’d be thankful how only less people knew about us. Honestly, he was something and someone I should not be proud of. I should have listened to their warnings and heed their advice. It’s embarrassing indeed to be associated with someone whose reputation is...questionable. (I’d sound too degrading to say the truth.) RANDOM: I remember how he spoke about other people to me, giatay. Unsa kaya’y na ingon pud niya bahin sa akoa sa laing tao? 🙂

He made a fool out of me yet again. (Da! tagam) I was enraged after our call (Nov. 10) that I shed a few tears. He called me a couple more times, messaging me to answer it, but I didn’t pick it up. A few days after that, we exchanged messages thinking all has been said. He even “thanked the universe for me”. After I told him that it’s fine and that I understand because falling in love is not a crime, he replied: "These changes are good" Wow, as if I was ever toxic? Stop the reverse psychology. I didn’t change. I'm not gonna be modest here, I have always been an understanding person. How do I stress that enough?

All that being said, he, I presume, was not contented with our last conversation. He, in the most unexpected circumstances, called me a couple of times for more than a week. But guess what? He never heard from me again.

He is good as dead to me.

P.S. I can say harsher truths, but nonetheless, I still have some respect left for him as a human. Bye 🙂

Next read:

My last post about my first boyfriend and I.

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