#chaotiicgoods: kaidan
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@chaotiicgoods . kaidan ;
there was no reason to be so nervous, and bella knew that. yet, her heart was pounding against her chest as she walked with purpose to the restaurant in the citadel where they had scheduled to meet. it felt strange being out of her armor, but this was a casual, friendly dinner.
their first meeting after two years of her being 'mia' was nothing short of a disaster. they didn't have enough time --- she needed to explain.
now it was her chance. she sat down and stared at the empty seat in front of her, thinking about what she wanted to say first. what she would do when he got there. how to even begin talking about th---
❝ oh. ❞ there he was, walking towards her (for one second she could pretend they were still together and that the past two years didn't happen). bella stood up and took a deep breath. once he got close enough, she gestured for a handshake and stopped, knowing that just didn't feel right considering everything they went through. a hug then? ❝ um, hi --- hello! sorry, i uh--- please, sit. ❞ she decided to skip that altogether and just waved her hand at his chair. ❝ how are you? you look... ❞ great? yes! just say it. ❝ you look great, kaidan. ❞
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@chaotiicgoods asked:
“ what they did to you, is not you ” - kaidan
He’d asked her to come. After the horrors that happened on Horizon, after the harsh words lobbed at her by Williams, Kat wasn’t sure it was a good idea. Nevertheless, the urge to find something familiar to cling on to drive her to meet with him, despite how distant and numb she felt. It hadn’t taken long; somehow, Alenko had a knack for finding the little chinks in her armour to wedge his way past it. It certainly didn’t take long for him to figure out what was bothering her… and call her out on it.
Damn Kaidan Alenko and his people skills.
Kat scoffed at his words, shaking her head as she turned away from him, hands gripping the railing until her knuckles were white underneath her gloves. “Isn’t it? Hell, I don’t—I don’t know any more, Kaidan! I don’t—” Kat hung her head, staring down at the floor. The scars on her face burned angrily, and it took every ounce of willpower for her not to reach for them. Ashley’s words on Horizon had been more than harsh, and she practically expected the same from Kaidan. Why had she bothered to meet with him? At this point, she was sure she was just setting herself up for more disappointment.
“I don’t feel like me, Kaidan. I feel… wrong. My—the scars I had from Akuze, they…” they were gone. The scars they had defined her, that spoke of the horrors she’d endured, the agony, the suffering, all of it; it was like it never happened. Like she wasn’t Katrina; she was just something that walked and talked like her, with implanted memories. Fake ones, probably.
“Forget it. It—it doesn’t matter. I—” My feelings on the situation don’t matter. “…all I can say to you is that I’m sorry. I’m sorry… that I left you. It wasn’t my choice.” I’m sorry I hurt you. I’m sorry I broke your heart. I’m sorry you lost me—and I’m sorry this looks so horrible. All words she wanted to say, but they caught in her throat. “…why did you ask me to meet you, Kaidan?” Whatever hesitations he wanted to throw at her to add to Williams’ words, she was prepared for them. Surely he couldn’t be any harsher than she had.
#chaotiicgoods#me2. ❖﹙ just another day when all that i want ⋄ will mark me as a sinner tonight. ﹚#🤔 au where Kaidan joins her in 2/is a Spectre early? Something like that?#…she’s honestly expecting him to yell at her and be mean 🥺#( I mean his Horizon convo is… emotionally harsher than Ashley’s romanced or not but… still hurts )
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* EMOTIONAL BAGGAGE
bold whatever applies to your muse. italicize the things that only somewhat apply / are verse dependent. REPOST , DON’T REBLOG.
been cheated on | been bullied | had your heart broken | broken someone’s heart | told a horrible lie | been betrayed | been framed / set-up | stolen something of value | overdosed on drugs | been drunk | cheated | bullied | been publicly humiliated | punched someone in the face | been beaten up | broken a bone | been admitted to a hospital | put someone in the hospital | had a near - death experience | been drugged | done drugs | smoked | been arrested | been homeless | been forced to commit a crime | died and came back to life | kissed someone you weren’t attracted to | bled severely | killed someone | been forced to kill someone | had an attempt on your life | made an attempt on your own life | lost someone | loved someone | watched a loved one die | failed to save / help a loved one | felt helpless | watched your world die / disappear | had your life’s work stolen / destroyed | gone without food for over three days | gone without sleep for over three days | been tortured / questioned | been shot | been stabbed | been poisoned | been held prisoner | been trapped | been buried alive | been held hostage | held someone hostage | been stuck in a different world / universe / time | been abused by someone who should have loved / appreciated / valued you | had a panic attack | had night terrors | been in a car accident | lost your job | lost a fight | had sex with a stranger | been divorced | been abandoned | passed out from pain | cried yourself to sleep | spent a whole day in bed | hurt yourself | taken your anger out on yourself | taken your anger out on someone you love | been used | been manipulated | felt used | manipulated someone else | had your memories / mind wiped / stolen or tampered with | been taken over by a hostile force | been terrified | played a cruel game on someone | been forced to smile | felt too many things at once | laughed when you felt like crying | been in denial | been denied | faced your demons
Tagged by. @voxvulgi (thank you)
Tagging. @lovepurposed, @solheimisms, @kenasakis, @threecardtrick, @chaotiicgoods (kaidan) & steal it!
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WHAT DOES YOUR HEART LOOK LIKE?
Molten lava and charred flesh:
Your heart burned so fiercely that it burnt itself out, leaving horrible scars in its wake; scars inside your chest and on the hands of those who touched you, the hearts of anyone who got close enough to connect to yours. The person you are now is no longer recognisable, burnt up by your own anger and passion and love. The injuries can never be fully erased, but they can be soothed with time and trust and forgiveness.
Tagged: @xx--ofmanythoughts--xx (thank you!)
Tagging: @chaotiicgoods (Kaidan), @ravusnightblossom @lastxdragon @dryadalismagicae @dragcnlxrd @witchered @singxfus (Brienne)
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IF YOU WERE A DEITY, WHAT WOULD YOU BE THE GOD OF?
flora and fauna
you’re friendly and a benevolent force to those who respect you and your domain, but a true force to be reckoned with to those who disrespect or threaten the balance of the natural world. the forest is nothing to fear for those who take care of it, but it isn’t uncommon for people to go missing with only their faces outlined in the bark on a tree.
tagging: @chaotiicgoods (kaidan), @talesfromthevoiid (Abe), @yetfierce, @smokedanced (EDI & Luci) & anyone who'd like to steal!
#yeah I'd say that's pretty Alisa in a nutshell#she's very Paragon-aligned both as Shepard and as an OC#dash games. ❖﹙ live for something ⋄ never surrender and never back down. ﹚
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@chaotiicgoods sent ❛ i really want to kiss you right now. ❜ - kaidan @ jane shepard
Oh, that makes her heart flutter in her chest like a butterfly. He always seems to be able to make her feel like this, almost making her feel like a teenager with some schoolgirl crush. She both hates it and loves it.
Closing the distance between them, Jane reaches upwards to place her hand against his chest, over his heart, letting herself feel the thrumming of his heart underneath her touch and then she tilts her head to look up at him. “What’s stopping you?”
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@chaotiicgoods asked:
❝ i’m not gonna pretend anymore. i’m still fucked up from it all and i don’t know when it gets better. ❞ - lenna
It felt great to finally be back on the Citadel like old times, though the feeling was... bittersweet. They'd all lost people in the war. Anderson. Thomas. Mordin. Thane. There were more Ashley could list, but that was hard to say. Nevertheless, most of them were at least back together, working as a team again, even if things were... quieter by comparison.
"The only answer I can give you is 'eventually', Lenna." Ashley shrugged and sipped at her milkshake. "It took me at least a year after Eden Prime, and... well, if you hadn't pulled both of us out of the fire on Virmire, I'm pretty sure losing Kaidan woudn't have made it any better for me." Granted, Ashley had taken her time to come to terms with that, too... on a very different level.
"Just don't push yourself, you know? You've still got friends who made it out alive, out there cheering you on... or threatening to riot because he knows it makes me groan and sigh at him." Joker, of course. He'd grown used to Ashley now commanding the Normandy, while Kaidan was off handling other duties with his own command as a marine.
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@chaotiicgoods sent ❛ i’ll never be that me again. ❜ - lenna @ kaidan
“And that’s okay, Shepard.” Kaidan says gently, reaching out to cup her cheek and brush his thumb over her cheekbone. Something he hopes to comfort her. None of them are the same after everything they’d gone through, they’d changed, and that’s to be expected. “I think we’re all different than we were before we first signed up for this. You’re still you, at your core.”
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@chaotiicgoods / starter
With the amount of new things popping up around the Kaidan wasn’t entirely sure how to rank them from best to worst. For a while the geth and husks were at a near tie as the worst one and after being charged by a Krogan mercenary Kaidan figured he had a solid top three list. As for the good, well, there weren’t many things but new crew members they picked up were pretty much the best they had. A colorful bunch quite literally and for a while Kaidan didn’t feel like the only odd one out anymore, not that he wasn’t somewhat terrified of Wrex because he had a temper.
Doctor T’Soni was the newest member, a energetic young woman although she had over 70 years on Kaidan which felt silly in a way. He was a little worried about her being stuck in that trap and then nearly crushed to death with the team along with her. Hell of a ride if anything, then being in a ship full of aliens. It’d been a while now, she was probably resting but being on a new ship he figured she wouldn’t mind a friendly face so he figured he’d take her something to drink at least even though by the time he was at the door in the medbay he felt a little silly. Opening the door he stepped in carefully not wanting to disturb too much in case she was busy or sleeping even, “Doctor T’Soni? I thought I’d bring you something to drink. A ship full of aliens can be... intimidating.”
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* official mains & connections. i will be taking three ( 3 ) of each canon character. original characters get exclusivity on my end, of course. i don’t usually do exclusives with canons, but if you’d be more comfortable with that, please don’t hesitate to approach me and we can work something out. mains get first priority over replies and responses.
MASS EFFECT.
@alenkoh as kaidan alenko.
@mantis-scope as garrus vakarian.
@atnoctum as jack.
@sbjctzero as jack.
@chaotiicgoods as miranda lawson.
@harbngr as harbinger.
@illiumflower as blog wide. ( multi. )
@khrysopos as blog wide. ( multi. )
STAR WARS.
@ofnegotiatcr as obi-wan kenobi.
@aldereign as leia organa.
CYBERPUNK 2077.
@sxlverhxnd as johnny silverhand.
@crtlpunk as ' V. ‘
ORIGINALS.
@ncvabcrn as ally nova.
@celestieu as madeline beaulieu.
@knghtlock as hotaru takenaka.
OTHER.
@screwattack as samus aran. ( of metroid. )
@hauntscreation as the outsider. ( of dishonored. )
@altruiant as blog wide. ( multi. )
@vampirespawn as astarion. ( of baldur’s gate 3. )
@irnmaidn as cassandra roth. ( of the tangled series. )
@glorywaited as cassandra. ( of the tangled series. )
@kalvaertar as grant lancaster. ( of the lancaster series. )
@ladyscroft as lara croft. ( tomb raider. ) *
@piraticalwit as killian jones. *
* = exclusive.
#/#//#///#////#/////#╰ ● / ooc . ( resident harrison ford enthusiast . )#* mains.#long post /#dnr.#personals do not interact.
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WHAT TYPE OF LOVE DO YOU EMBODY?
love as being known
[ love is knowing all of someone and loving them anyway ] When Tim Kreider said "if we want the rewards of being loved we have to submit to the mortifying ordeal of being known", and when Joe Wright said "The idea that these two people know each other, knew each other when they first saw each other. That they recognized each other from their future", and when Micah Nemerever said "it was a relief and a horror to be known so perfectly."
stolen from: @pessimistics
tagging: @calledkore @storiedhistories @wornempathy @kenasakis @smokedanced (garrus) @chaotiicgoods (kaidan) & anyone who'd like to steal it!
#oh kat bby...#that's definitely got some truth to it though#she's known as a hero and a saviour but people sometimes forget she's also a person#& no matter how much she reminds them--there's that disconnect between “Katrina” and “(Commander) Shepard”#in a way it becomes dehumanizing after a while & she internalizes it#( granted--the trauma of Alchera doesn't help in that disconnect )#dash games. ❖﹙ don't deny you're petrified ⋄ like you're looking at the living dead. ﹚
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@chaotiicgoods Kaidan
Kaidan smiles why yes he may be covered in somebody's blood. He really doesn’t know. He’s just thankful that Shepard managed to get them out of there without dying. He’s panting softly as they reach the Normandy, man Kaidan wouldn’t admit it but he was thankful that he had time to recoup now. The biotic was on his way to the showers when he felt a hand on his shoulder, “Yes Commander?”
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What Chess Piece Represents You?
White Pawn
You are a white pawn. Don't let pawn be misleading, this means you're full of potential. Being the white piece and a pawn means you can have the first move on the board. Will you make a good first impression? For all the spotlight is on you, watching you go across the board on your long journey. Will you rely on those around you for support? For a pawn, for all its love and hope, can do little by itself. Not until it reaches the other side of the board and has its full potential realised. Who will you be at the end of your journey? Only time will tell.
Tagged: @dragcnlxrd (ty!)
Tagging: @echoedhope (Mori), @chaotiicgoods (Kaidan) @mantis-scope @fior-dha-fein @whitewolfsnow @mysteriene @gcldenlioness @lastxdragon
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WHAT KIND OF HERB ARE YOU?
Cumin
You see yourself so clearly that you can see the gaping hole inside you where you lost a piece long ago. It's there and it's ragged and painful and bleeding and you don't know how no one else can see it when it takes up so much of your awareness. You run from it, fight it, try to find it but nothing bandages up that hungry mawing void inside yourself and when you're tired, uninspired, you swear it grows and grows. You promise yourself you want to be alone, promise yourself that you want to be different, want to be special, love having this hole inside you and point it out in words or song or jokes and stories and take pride in that pain, in your uniqueness in this world of grays and storm clouds. You are 5 am rain on asphalt roads and sputtering street lamps. You are petrichor musings and messy guitar chords and a thousand contradictions wrapped inside a quiet cry, an evening of coffee and jittering hands and a promise that you're okay or that you're fine until you're falling apart in someone's arms or messages and pretend you're alright in the morning. You taste so strongly but sometimes you wonder if all you are is ash.
I stole from @pessimistics so steal from me--
but obligatory @diewithaname @dutyworn @chaotiicgoods (kaidan) @kenasakis & anyone else who'd like to steal!
#dash games. ❖﹙ don't deny you're petrified ⋄ like you're looking at the living dead. ﹚#ahahahahahahahahahah oh katrina#ohhhhhhh katrina......#do we dare mention that by the end of me3 she's lost upwards of 70 people she knew personally?#her parents (+brother in some instances) + 50 marines on akuze + wrex on virmire...#the 20 crew members that died in the original Normandy crash#and then we add Mordin on Tuchanka...#Thane during/just after the coup#udina though she doesn't grieve for that fucknut lmfao#and then let's add the cherry on the cake: Anderson at the end of the war#but then there's also the glaring part about losing herself little by little each time#like each time she loses someone they take a part of her with them?#also dying... losing her scars (which were kind of part of her identity) in the process...#and she absoLUTELY makes jokes about dying even if she's not okay with it#particularly the date with garrus (friend or otherwise) where he jokes about “raise your hand if you've never died before” (shithead)#and claims nobody alive can out-shoot him but she's like “no one alive but technically... i died >)”
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WHAT IS IT YOU WANT FROM LOVE?
a home
picture this: you turn over and realize they’re half-awake too. they pull you back under the blanket they stole during the night and wrap their arms around you. as you drift back to sleep you realize you couldn’t love a person more if you tried. they’re the safe space you go to when you’re anxious, the person where unabashed honesty doesn’t feel terrifying but something you’re grateful for. it took a long time and even though you never thought you’d be able to say this, you finally feel at home. at home in the same way you do when you look at the moon, and it’s all you’ve ever wanted from life.
TAGGING: @chaotiicgoods (kaidan) @pessimistics @hopegained @caeloservare @legendscried @yetfierce @smokedanced (garrus) & anyone who’d like to steal!
#dash games. ❖﹙ don't deny you're petrified ⋄ like you're looking at the living dead. ﹚#honestly this 100% reminds me of the one line in the shenko romance#where kaidan’s like “let me be your soft place to land”#100% fits 🥺
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WHAT’S AT YOUR CORE?
spun gossamer
the easiest thing to do is stay quiet when something’s up. you’re not bothered, and you know what? you shouldn’t be! it’s none of your business, even when it’s entirely your business. it’s difficult (read: impossible) to tell if your cheery demeanor is a cover-up for something sadder, or if it’s simply your natural state of mind. you see a lot of things: people coming through town, people leaving the house and never coming back, lies and deceit of the highest degree. what happened to you? will you ever be that kid again? your presence smells like cotton candy, and your fingertips sparkle like stars. whatever white rabbit you’re chasing isn’t going to lead you to wonderland if you don’t start reaching out when you’re not feeling okay.
TAGGING: @pessimistics @aviiatrix @hopegained @chaotiicgoods (kaidan) & anyone who’d like to steal!
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