#cancercomedy

[katiescancerjourney]

This is a speech I did for the Red Door Community in NYC, sharing a bit of my story and speaking to the value of support groups.

Thanks for watching!

#katiesmithsfightclub #katiesfightclub #cancersucks #coloncancer #stage4cancer #cancercomedy #nyc #reddoorcommunity #speech

[katiescancerjourney]

#cancersucks #scarsarebeautiful #katiesfightclub #katiesmithsfightclub #stage4cancer #coloncancer #cancercomedy

[katiescancerjourney]

Anaphylactic Shock, 6/15/22

When I started back on FOLFOX, they said that you can develop an allergy to the main chemo in the cocktail, oxaliplatin - the one that gives you the shitty side effects like cold sensitivity, etc. So as a part of your pre-med drips, they add a healthy dose of Benadryl. It’s pretty awful as you get a drip of steroids right before and the combo is like being on drugs with none of the good parts. I always try to be one with the Benadryl and sleep through the rest of the drips.

I had noticed that whenever the nurses would start the oxaliplatin I would get an itch in my throat but it always went away and I figured that the Benadryl was doing it’s job and went back to sleep. For some reason, this round, my 6th round, I decided to let the nurses know that I always feel that little itch. They definitely seemed annoyed that I hadn’t mentioned this before, totally fair, and I promised to share if it happened again. 

I don’t know why, but I just knew in my gut that this time was going to be the time it didn’t go away.

Sure enough, a few minutes into the oxali drip, I sat up in my chair with shooting pain up and down my back. I probably looked like I was having a seizure as my body convulsed every second to the pain and I couldn’t keep my head up. The nurses ran in, took out my oxali line, pushed anti-nausea meds and more Benadryl and called for an NP. I started dry heaving and went into rigors. I was shaking and dripping sweat and my throat felt fuzzy and foreign, like it wasn’t a part of my body. However, I could breath in and out of my nose and I knew that if I remained calm and focused on my breathing, the meds would kick in in a few minutes and things would be fine. They had an epipen and push of pain meds ready to rock but I asked them to wait because I felt so fucked up from the Benadryl, I couldn’t imagine putting more medicine in me. Sure enough, a few minutes later, sweet relief. I couldn’t really talk and had no motor functions at that point so the nurses let me sleep if off. They woke me up an hour later and I said I was ready to get the fuck home. They were so freaking sweet, even offered to run across the street to Starbucks so I didn’t fall asleep in the Uber home but I felt confident I could get home fine. I did, and spent the rest of the day in bed, loopy as all get out, trying to take in everything that had just happened to me.

As FOLFOX is still such a good chemo, they want to try again, but this time, give me the drip over 8+ hours so see if only little bits at a time will prevent another allergic reaction. 

It’s funny, at first I was so bummed, like damn, I have to be at the treatment center for over 10 hours to get all my drips now? That sucks! I called my friend Sarah who had also had the same reaction to commiserate and whatnot and started to complain about the longer drip and she said “oh wow, you’re so lucky! I wanted to try the longer drip but my side effects were too bad at that point and they wouldn’t allow it” and then I realized, I’m lucky I get to try this bad ass chemo again. Sarah never fails to show me the bright side, like ever. 

#cancersucks #coloncancer #stage4cancer #folfox #cancercomedy #katiesfightclub #katiesmithsfightclub #anaphylactic shock

[katiescancerjourney]

FOLFOX Round 2 + Scans, 5/19/22

My second go with FOLFOX has been surprisingly different to the first. Last year, I would be super sick on Wednesday and slowly get better. By Saturday I could hang out with friends (albeit not rage till dawn) but go out and have fun for a good chunk of the day. This time, I’m don’t feel great but not too terrible on Wednesday and then it get’s worst each day. I need to sleep non stop, the fatigue is outrageous. On Saturday and Sunday I miiiiiiight be able to see a friend but I need to be driven there and home to conserve all energy and I give up pretty quickly after arriving. It may not sound worth it but I believe getting out of my apt is always good for me. 

My last round was exponentially worse due to my hemoglobin levels being so low. I had to add an iron drip to my treatment. If you’ve never seen an iron drip, it’s blood red and looks pretty creepy. Apparently it can really magnify your side effects, as it makes you nauseous, fatigued, etc. I really struggled this round physically and mentally and spent a couple days in deep pity party mode, sobbing off and on, and in general feeling so sad about my life. As hard as these days are on me, and they are, I sincerely hate them, they’re very necessary and help me shed a lot of emotional weight. By day 5 I was feeling much lighter and although I didn’t have the energy for much, my neighbor and I went out for coffee on our block. He’s been the best, helping me with groceries, deliveries, etc. he’s become one of my favorite people.

I had scans on May 19th and like we thought, FOLFOX worked its magic again. Nothing huge, but some shrinkage here and there, no growth or spreading. Unfortunately my liver is still showing some suspicious activity, it has ever since my surgery, so I’ve basically told myself it’s already back in my liver. Any time I’ve had suspicious activity, it’s become cancer so I’m setting my expectations low, and hey, if that’s not what it turns out to be, fucking awesome.

#cancersucks #coloncancer #folfox #stage4cancer #katiesfightclub #katiesmithsfightclub #cancercomedy

[katiescancerjourney]

Whac-A-Mole

One day Kim and I were sitting in the MSK waiting room and we started talking to a guy who said something like “having cancer is like playing whac-a-mole” and I think about this almost everyday. Something pops up and you knock it down and then something else pops up, and rinse and repeat. 

I hope to walk away from this game with a huge ass teddy bear. 

#cancersucks #cancercomedy #coloncancer #stage4cancer #katiesfightclub #katiesmithsfightclub #whacamole #whack a mole

[katiescancerjourney]

Chemo, 9/2/2021

After 4 rounds of the “gentler” 5FU systemic chemo and I forget how many rounds of pump chemo, I got a scan to see what my cancer is up to. As always, the scan shows up in your MSK app 2-5 business days later. It sounds simple enough but when that notification pops up on your phone it feels like as assault is being carried out against you and it’s coming out of nowhere. You sit down, take a deep breath and open it whenever you are, whatever you’re doing, noticing how lonely being alone can really feel in these situations. It’s pretty fucking stressful but I guess having a bunch of ticking time bombs in my body has gotten me used to dealing a high level of stress on a regular basis. The scan showed only minimal shrinkage but no spreading, which to me is always a feeling of relief that I don’t think I will ever be able to truly describe. 

I’m spending the last few weeks of summer at the lake (where my dad and Kim live) in their newly renovated guest house. This tiny middle of nowhere patch of the country, that we lovingly refer to as Pennsyltucky, has been my happy place since I was born and now that I have a little house of my own when I visit makes me feel like a god damn boonies queen! I spend my mornings with coffee on the deck, days working, sneaking out for paddle board trips around the lake, hang with my parents, cousin and friends at nights and on weekends. It’s calm and peaceful when you need to take a deep breath and fun and rowdy when don’t. Since I’m unfortunately tied to MSK every 2 weeks for years to come, it’s harder to visit for extended stays, but Dad and Kim have gotten pretty good at the 24 hour NYC trips (thank you!), so like normal, last week we hopped in the truck and drove back to NYC for my standard line-up of chemo appointments. 

It’s hard to explain the patient doctor relationship in the oncology world. They are life saving rock stars who are honestly intimidating but you still need to advocate for yourself and ask all of your questions, however annoying they may be. I’m constantly in-between feeling nervous and a little shy, not wanting to waste any of her time while also trying to be memorable and make her love me so she works extra hard at keeping me alive, haha. I decided that with 2 weeks left of summer and a scan in my pocket that I surmised as pretty good, I would ask for 1 more round of the 5FU. I would get whatever harsh shit they wanted me to next time but just let me have 1 more round of the gentle stuff and finish hot girl gentle chemo summer out strong. It hilarious how much asking this makes you feel like a child again. Fortunately my doc was more than on board (that’s definitely what she was going to do anyway). Never in my life did I think I would celebrate getting a specific type of chemo but celebrate I did. The team agreed that my scans were great and ordered a few more for next time. An MRI, which honestly I completely forget why I am getting this, (it happens sometimes, they say a lot in those appointments and some of it is left behind on the cutting room floor as they say) and a PET scan which will show cancer activity. Apparently even though some of my liver mets haven’t shrunk, there is a chance there is little to no cancer activity left. Also if my liver mets continue to shrink, another surgery might be around the corner to get them out. The mention of surgery gave me the visceral reaction of stepping backwards and saying “no” out loud but that’s just the trauma speaking! We’ll squash her down when the time comes and deal with it later! Or never! JK, I know surgery is an amazing next step but I can’t say I’m looking forward to it. 

We drove back to the lake in a Hurricane (hindsight is really 20/20 on that one) and I finished my chemo out there. Kim disconnected me on Friday morning, gave me my white blood cell booster injection and I was free for 10 days of no work (took some vacation) and no doctor appointments. Other than some serious post injection bone rattlin’, I’m a super happy camper. 

I’m not sure why but it feels like one of my many cancer chapters is coming to an end. I’m ready to enjoy there rest of the summer in this special place with some of my favorite people and then back to NYC to take on what’s next.

#coloncancer #ColonCancerAwareness #cancercomedy #stage4cancer #cancersucks #katiesfightclub #katiesmithsfightclub

[katiescancerjourney]

It brings me great joy to know that every mosquito that’s bitten me this summer is dead. Enjoy that poisoned blood, ya dick. 

#cancercomedy #coloncancer #ColonCancerAwareness #katiesfightclub #katiesmithsfightclub #stage4cancer

[katiescancerjourney]

Last night I joined my first cancer video meet-up and when I introduced myself I said “Hi, I’m Katie, I live in Brooklyn, NY. I consider myself really trendy because I have colon cancer, which is trending up with young people.”  crickets...

Either the joke’s not funny or jokes are not the best ice breaker in cancer support groups? Either way, no judgement whatsoever, but still on the hunt to find MY kind of cancer people. Haha. 

#cancercomedy #coloncancer #katiesfightclub #katiesmithsfightclub