#bye bc im literally on the verge of tears

[gilears]

As someone who clearly loves the bad kids dynamic, (a fact i am infinitely grateful for and delighted by, love the luxury lads fics and o&t) what're your thoughts on the bad kids canonically having spent MONTHS in a prison cell together, with nothing to entertain themselves but each other's company?

HELLO!! im one million years late replying to this (the agonies, agonizing) but !!!!! <3 !!!!! i have seen u in my daily kudos email tearing thru all my fic so literally the smile i got on my face when i saw this ask. um hiiiiiii. thank u for being the sweetest 😁💗

also yes the bad kids dynamic. i like it a normal amount.

so i havent spent an extensive amount of time thinking about this (my brain really saw the pocket of s1e11 downtime for luxury lads and went 'you will consider no other canon time period') BUT actually i do have an abandoned wip that was an extension on me and @grasslandgirl sav's headcanons from like. 2021? eaaaarly 2022? on the bad kids birthdays and i like to think that riz's birthday happens when theyre in prison and he just. doesn't tell them. so later like in the summer when they find out they, firstly, riot, and secondly, throw him a big party because he has FRIENDS and they LOVE him 💚

otherwise. with the large grain of salt of me not having seen freshman year in quite some time so this may all be contradictory, some thoughts fresh off the dome

of course the luxury lads, especially kristen and fig, are very accustomed to living together and being around each other all the time so they cope considerably better* than the others

*this is basically cancelled out tho bc riz is case spiraling and kristen is worried they're gonna call her parents. fig is chillin tho, being in prison is so punk

fabian puts on a brave face but fully inside of a week he's like. im going to die here

gorgug sort of loses his mind with everyone so close and loud all the time so he and adaine spend a lot of time trying to figure out how to mage hand his headphones out of wherever they keep their shit and into the cell so he can not be on the verge of a rage constantly

fig and gorgug try to make the most of it and have band practice in the cell because theyre bored anyway, but that gets shut down real quick on account of the Loud. they do end up writing stuff together tho

adaine gets put on fabian duty because shes the only one that speaks rich, is kind of annoyed but secretly glad to have a distraction/something to channel her anxiety into so she doesnt lose her own mind

kristen: you know this is kind of like camp

fig: you know thats like, really sad, right?

kristen: hm. interesting.

kristen trying to convince the bad kids to let her teach them how to make friendship bracelets out of her own hair, absolutley no one lets that happen

but gorgug lets her braid his hair and she teaches him to braid hers, it calms both of them down

riz and fabian and fig spend a lot of time messing with the idiot cops (which is all of them, all cops are idiots<3)

somehow they dont discover riz's timothee chalamet hair during this time period. OR he changed his shampoo between freshman and sophomore year. i think thats funnier. being in prison made him change his shampoo.

fabian and gorgug leading group stretch time every day after 3 weeks when everyone starts complaining about everything hurting

okay thats all i got. love you bye

#fh #bad kids #hc #ask #midnightdemonhunter #SORRY THIS IS SO ABYSMALLY LATE I DIED BUT IM BACK NOW #for everyone else that has sent me an ask or tagged me in something i am catching up.

[bubbled-clouds]

i fucking hate technology so goddamn much

#the absolute bullshit #i cant fucking log into my class ia m on the verg e of te a r s #THIS IS THE SECOND TIME IM LATE BC OF STUPID FUCKING TECHNOLOGY #U G H #i am angrily typing whilst holding back the tears besties! #oh my god im going to miss 2 hours of class oh shit oh fuck #im so goddamned screwed im literally going to cry o h g o d #gunne restart the goddamn computer #if it doesnt work i will cry #bye :'D

[rqs902]

.

my beautiful boys in the same screeeenn ill just ignore the clothes lol man look at jin fan’s side profile 

aw they look so happy lol how did dxy become kc 

lol when volunteer li hao on his CELL PHONE is a better video editor than the entire youku paid staff

oof the video was so funny and highlighted a bunch of the kids qualities like lin mua and csp’s cuteness and it was touching.... lol ycw “I DONT HAVE SLEEVES LEND ME YOUR SLEEVE” to wipe his tears loll

LOL im amused cto were some of zlj’s first friends and they guilt trip him into joining their groupppp HAHHAHA

pretty sure that was xue en telling zlj to be careful and put safety first :’) 

im literally crying at this suitcase

but also still wished they gave more screen time to everyone not-zlj LOL but i guess at least we saw some more lin ran and yzx. but zlj did do a great job!! i really appreciate his skill and im glad the non-cto kids said such nice things about cto aw but really their age difference is not that big??? LOLLLL making cto seem so old??? but xue en is only 1 year older than lin ran and 3 years older than cxh and ycw LOL plus 1998 is xikan’s age too lol.....

omg xo crew being all these creatives including li chenxu ayy thats cool, i feel like we havent gotten to know much about him so this puts him in a new perspective for me

is akey supposed to be in the group? LOL zhan yu is going wild for him tho LOL

im happy akey is making more rap friends!!! i feel like hes been working on that since qcyn

cjh has always seemed so real, i respect that

LOL hwx looks so awkward standing on stage in the middle. jin fan’s vooooiceeee and huang junrong yessss HAHAHAHA THE AKEY STANDEE IM CRYING HAHAHHA man jin fan has gotten to live up to his vocal name in this show, i hope that makes him happy. he still !! has not !! shown off !! his bboy !! dancing skills !! :( 

LOL lin mo being so amused that akey had no idea about the standee. hes a dork. so were they not allowed to do 3 stages? bc i feel like akey wouldnt have needed that much extra prep time to do all 3 of his stages just sayinggg hahahha but ay extra tyger screen time ill take it! i can see why he picked the creatives group though, that performance definitely better fits his musical and stylistic interests. 

AYYY CSP DANCING but lol qby calling him cui duopeng aw 

omg so sparkly!! LOL syh looks so scandalized by their confetti ribbons HAHAHAHHA but yay for mxy really owning this stage! 

LOL the way lin mo’s face scrunches up when su er points out he’s “momo” and then he just nods and tells hwx “momo is supporting you from behind” awww

oh rip this luo jie gaokao segment, was this the last time they saw him? 

lol ycw is always the one with the doggo but i appreciate xzx for not abandoning him like everyone else so he could still do 100 ways and fulfill his dreams

LOL THE FACT THAT THEY USED THE 100 WAYS GROUP’S AUDIO LOL

aw good for them being able to make a fun and entertaining stage and do well and bring everyone amusement. lol ycw throwing random flower petals everywhere so casual 

LOL rip renyu hes just sitting there minding his own business and then gets personally attacked HAHAH TWICE hHHAHAHAHA 

LOLLL SBR YESS and sbh hahahhaha csp being all scared of why theyre watching him and sbr is just like oh nothing~

lolll xikan curling into a little ball when everyone else is laughing and csp’s “why did i lose again?” LOOL

oh rip bye yan an 

ouch syh..... going back to singapore to do adult things gosh i appreciate him going after mhw after it seemed like he had given up

man ycw cries a lot

kinda sad they cut the tyger perf BUT they did perform my favorite song (always thankful for akey’s composition skills!!!) AND at least they showed off zhan yu’s high notes and listed akey as a composer and gave lin mo some screen time to talk i guess its okay bc i appreciate the performances that they have shown fully so far, and i get that they cant show everyones in full. and it looks like all the kids liked the perf so thats fun

OOF A JUNRONG FEATURE THIS IS WHAT WE ALL NEEDED YESSS man i didnt realize he had so many show experiences already man.... ooo dxy vocal time!! 

OH GOSH THEY BROUGHT UP FAN YUUUUUUUU man the way renyu smiles watching fan yu play piano im softtt oof renyu’s voice is so nice even when hes like on the verge of crying

ahhh xu zhaohao’s song has me crying... i really like his voice too. 

wow im surprised so many of them took footage of themselves on their way to snzm? lol wait did they cut out li chenxu’s part on stage? 

HAHHAHAHHA LI HAO OMGG xu shengen wow this is amazing li hao is gonna be like a great director one day i can FEEL it. THE FACT THAT THIS IS THE ONLY PART OF THE ENTIRE EPISODE THATS SUBBED HAHAHHAHA look at li hao, making better videos than youku since 2020. li hao’s story man.... he and shengen and chenxu must be close 

i see why people were like whoa theres actually tygers in the next ep preview! what a unusual experience!! but ay there was huang enyu too! ahh he looks like hes desperate oh gosh but everyones crying it looks like :c ill keep my hopes up that lin mo’s is happy tears but its still rough to see 

aw su er...... oof the fact that they put in clips of some kids on other shows (i even saw super idol omg) and him putting lin mua at the end, they must really have grown to like that haha i saw someone posted about li hao saying he liked the lin mua too and appreciated that it was something lin mo promised to his fans. im glad they dont make fun of him for it in a mean spirited way. 

im grateful for this “extra” episode outside of the actual competition. they did seem to get to do performances that they wanted to be in. im guessing some kids’ perfs didnt get aired? so im hoping they get released elsewhere so we can still watch them. again i will say that having only half the number of trainees compared to other shows and having them for 3 stages rather than the usual 1 has allowed me to feel like ive gotten to know most (if not all?) of these kids, similar to how i felt about ip, which is nice. like i at least know their names and faces. at least it wasnt like qcyn where kids got eliminated before they even had 1 stage ugh. grateful and excited to see yixing again too next ep! hopefully this means we wont get some nonsense judging like last time... also excited to see momo with his pink hair! and in the same perf as zhan yu and akey (what happened to jin fan lol) everyone having colorful hair will be exciting! 

#rants

[princessggowon]

Commentary on ep.10

-They brought back my boy!

-This stage for Going Crzy is by far their best!

-His parents are here :’))))

-THEY ALL LOOKIN LIKE SNACCS OKAYYYYY

-I literally cant understand anything bc no subs :((

-I think Bang Yedam just ranked #1 for vocal team???

-Okay but wait Junkyu is now number 1 wtf

-whats going on lol

-okay hes explaining how theyre divided into three teams: vocal, rap, and dance

-I think they finna fight for the rap position oh shiii

-My baby Byounggon looks so nervous in the flashback edits :(((

-Mashiho is choosing his team now??

-He chose to go in the vocal team

-So they get to choose what group they want to be in okay

-OKAY ITS BYOUNGGONS TURN

-he of course chose rap lol

-Jeongwoo chose dance???? I think?????

-Yoonbin chose rap ofc

-Bang Yedams turn anddddd he choseeee vocal jk that means jeongwoo is vocal too

-NOBODY WANTS TO BE ON YEDAMS TEAM. HOW ICONIC

-O snap Doyoung went to dance

-Rap team is scared of Haruto oop

-Hyunsuk. Dance or rap???

-Lol rap of course

-Damn near nobody is in vocal team bc of Yedam lmaoooo

-Okay Junkyu is brave ofc

-SEUNGHUN DIDNT GO TO VOCAL BC OF YEDMAM OH MY

-Okay so vocal: Yedamn, Junkyu, and Jeongwoo; rap: Choi hyunsuk, haruto, byounggon, yoonbin; performance: Seunghun, 

-Okay rap is practicing and getting evaluated and Hyunsuk got complimented (i think)

-OKAY SO THEY JUST GONNNA START THE PERFOMANCE LIKE THAT OKAYYY

-BYOUNGGON REALLY JUST KILLIN IT

-OH SNAP HARUTO COMING THRU THO

-OH HOLD UP THAT TRANSITION

-YOONBINS ENGLISH :’)

-THIS STARGE LIT OF COURSE

-OKAY GON!!

-HYUNSUK GOING INNN

-They jumpin around now gettin hype

-Did yoonbin do the fortnite dance or am i trippin??

-OMGGGGGG THE PREVIOUS TRAINEES ARE HERE. MY HEART!!

-PRESS ONE FOR BYOUNGGON!!

-I CANT BELIEVE THEYRE JUST VOTING NOW. LIKE THEY DONT CARE???

-im nervous :c

-my heart omg

-okay but yoonbins sideway smile is everything

-the girl calling haruto is a mood

-okay so theyre seeing who came first and that spot is guranteed

-Choi hyunsuk is first rn

-His mom is crying :(((

-HARUTO IS SECOND NOW OH MYYY

-his family is here and THEYRE ALL CRYING NOOO im gonna cry

-WAIT DID BYOUNGGON NOT MAKE IT????????

-HUHHHHH??????

-WAIT?????????????????????

-EVERYONE IS SAD RN????????????????????????

-im shaking rn im upset

-they all sound so sad

-BITCH IM SAD WHATS GOING ON

-dance is up next and I dont wanna watch the rest of this anymore

-but hopefully there is gonna be a twist that involves byounggon

-mashiho did a flip again

-oop so did junkyu

-dance team is tryna do this flying trick and its pretty cool tbh

-okay but i cant even concentrate. is byounggon coming back or????

-okay dance team is starting you already know whats going on (Earned it!)

-oof 

-ICONIC SEUNGHUN

-OOF FUCK THIS SONG GO HARD

-they did the flying trick perfectly :)

-OH SNAP WAIT A MIN, THEY BREAK DOWN IS EVERYTHING

-How could you choose just one??? they were all so good and worked as a team. Like its dance????

-Jaes little thing with the numbers were the cutest

-okay mr. potato man is saying his comments and the audience is shook and the trainees are saying thank you (compliment ig)

-OKAY FIRST PLACE IS MASHIHO (we been knew sis)

-HES EMOTIONAL SO IM EMOTIONAL

-SECOND PLACE GOES TO......

-okay so wait??? they only picked one for dance???

-thats weird, arent they supposed to pick 3

-okay i have hope for byounggon

-okay vocal team is up next! What we’ve all been dreading. 

-THERES TOO MANY GOOD VOCALIST OH MY

-Jeongwoo is making faces. I think hes having an existential crisis because of his competition lmaoo

-you got this bby

-okay but why is yedam so humble. he should know his spot is guranteed.

-okay jeongwoo is not fuking with none of these songs. they’re all english lmao

-jeongwoo literally looks SO NERVOUS :(

-vocal teacher is shook at jeongwoo

-okay but in a negative way ??? (i think)

-jk its a complinent now??? and now hes on the verge of tears

-i think that was his first compliment awww :)))

-THE VOCAL STAGE IS STARTINGGG

-im not ready

-okay yedam starting off strong and yg already smiling lmao 

-his parents are teary aw

-Junkyu!!!!!!

-Jeongwoos mom is literally so pretty wtf?

-Jeongwoo coming thru with that high note

-Junkyu throat is literally scratchy (i already know potato head is gonna say something)

-OOF YEDAM THEM VOCALSSS

-OKAY THEY MAGULATED ! A SISTER FINNA CRY

-OKAY IM CRYIING

-THEYRE CRYING

-THE AUDIENCE IS CRYING

- I think Junkyu is sad or sum shit

-Crowd is chanting ‘DONT CRy!’

-Junkyu is so handsome my heart ouch

-okay theyre voting now

-first place is.......JUNKYU 

-YESSSSS OMG IM SHAKINGGGG

-HES GOING TO CRY SO IM GOING TO CRY

-okay so what about second place

-SO IS IT DONE WTF

-THEY ARE LITERALLY ALL CRYIING BACKSTAGE BECAAUSE DAMN NEAR EVERYBODY LOST

-the previous trainees are giving good luck messages nooooooo :(((((

-i havent seen some of these faces in forever

-okay but wait if that was the final lineup. they a damn lie

-cus wheres yedam

-OKAY THEY LINED UP ON PEDASTALS IN THESE GREEN OUTFITS LOOKING LIKE A SNACCCC

-okay so i guess this is either elimai=tion or whoever makes it

-OKAY THEYRE DOING RAP POSITION NOWWWW

-MY BBY IS SPEAKING

-everyone is literally so sad

-WTF YOONBINS VOICE IS SO DEEP???? DEEPER THAN BYOUNGGON

-okay theyre doing the debut memebrssssss

-OKAY BYOUNGGON LOOKS SO SAD

-ITSSSSSS.......

-MY HEART

-ITSSSSS HARUTO

-CONGRATS

-I guess he kept his place???

-or maybe he didnt make it???? cus no one is happy wtf is going onnn

-i dont think he made it actually guys yikes

-My prediction that there is going to be 9 members

-haruto is eliminated :(

-he did good tho

-okay theyre doing vocal now

-IM THE MOST NERVOUS FOR THIS ONE

-theres only 3 of them and theyre all amazing vocalist

-ok so i guess junkyu has to keep his place by votes or sum sht

-girl its too early to be this sad

-yedam looks sad

-ITSSSSSSSSSS....YEDAM

-okay so that means haruto debuted because it dont make sense for bang yedam not too lmaoo

-this is a rollercoaster of me trying to figure out whats happening

-his mom is BAWLING

-okay yedams smile is EVERYTHING

-HIS MOM IS REALLY JUST CRYING

-GIRL ME TOO TF

-okay the way the edit this makes it seem like they ppl they chose got eliminated why are they doing that

-okay so far they have 2 confirmed members: yedam and haruto

-dance is next!

-doyoung and seunghun better make it or im suing yg

-okay but wait i forgot about mashiho

-okay let those 3 debut :((

-SHUT UP POTATO HEAD

-okay results are nowww

-ITSSSSSS....

-EVERYONE IS SURPISED WHATS GOING ON

-okay i see some upset ppl about the current debut lineup

-wait why is there a list of 10???

- are they debuting 10

-i think this is the online ranking

-junkyu made it first

-byounggon looks so nervous oh my

-fourth place is hyunsuk

-WHAT DOES THIS MEAN

-i dont think hyunsuk is debuting omg

-THERE BETTER BE A TWIST

-okay debut member is next??? I THINK

-NEXT DEBUT MEMBER IS... STILL JUNKYU

-wait yg chose this lineup???

-he aint said shit damn near this whole ep

-OH THERES A PLOT TWIST AND NOW HYUNSUK IS SMILING

-okay wait i think he just complimented him 

-so theres 4 confirmed members rn and theyre all saying bye now

-LIKE HUHHH

-OH THEYRE DOING A LIVE REACTING CAM

-ITS THEIR PARENTS OMGGGGGGGG

-okay again jeongwoos mom is gorgeous

-jeongwoo is crying bc of the video mssg

-harutos fam is giving a message and his mom is crying

-yoonbin is crying :((((

-SO IS MY BBY BYOUNGGON, they cut it short again im not finna play

-theyre showing cute pics now

-okay but yedam is literally so cute

-okay but why did i just get the mssg that yg treasure box is on

-WAIT IS IT OVER????????

-HELLO?????

-THE SCREEN WENT BLAC????

-YOOOO THIS LINE UP??/???

-HUH??//

-FINAL LINEUP: yedam, junkyu, haruto and jungwhan (ig??))) 

-AM I STUPID OR IS THERE GONNA BE ANOTHER EPISODE??? 

#yo im heated rn #this episode was crazy #so i just have to wait for the other members to be announced #yg treasure box #ygtb #byounggon #choi hyunsuk #bang yedam #haruto #jungwhan #park jeongwoo #jeong woo #lee byounggon #hyunsuk #mashiho #yoon jaehyuk #mine

[sunlightbi]

hi guys !! i promise i’ll do a proper follow forever later in 2018 when we survive 2017 but today i want to give a shout out to some amazing people whom i’m very proud to call my friends and best friends. all of my mutuals are extremely special but these ones mean the whole world to me as we always talk and laugh together and i’m pretty sure i’d die for every single one of them. i hold each one of you very close to my heart :’) so here’s a list of people that make me smile every day and also make my world brighter and my dash a better place !! (1. idk how long it takes im sorry i lov y’all 2. also idk why i have this summer pic as my header but happy new year i guess)

i’ll start with the most important person for on this website @alloutshirt. lisa, you’re truly my soulmate and i can’t even imagine my life without you now. you always make my happy by just liking random posts on my blog or tagging me in pure stuff. i just want you to know that i’d do anything for you, i care about you so so much and i don’t think i’ll ever stop. i hope you’ll always be happy because you’re too precious and incredible and you have my whole heart. i love you to the moon and back, baby :’) YOU’RE ALSO THE PRETTIEST GIRL IN THE WORLD DON’T FORGET THAT

@twofronteeth amal even tho you never check ur activity page and have a face like a goddess (no kidding im crying every time i see your selfies) somehow we are mutuals and friends, i still don’t know why the fuck you noticed me but that was the best day of my life. please please never change, you’re literally the cutest person i know and your spelling mistakes make you even cuter !! just the way you talk to ppl makes you cute idk how you do that. you truly deserved your nickname ‘baby honey’ and i’m very proud to call you that i love you

of course i can’t even imagine myself without Pure Squad even tho it exists like 3 minutes but !!!! these people are already so important to me that i cry every time we interact

@spaceboysweater arsh i swear i couldn’t love you more because you’re one of the purest people on this website. and ur laugh !!!!! oh my god this is the best thing i’ve ever heard i need it as my ringtone. i will love you forever, you always make me smile and i wanna hug you so tight !!!!!!!!!

@babieharrie ahhh karri you’re just the most adorable person ever and i love you so so so so much. we almost made it !!! almost started a gc aksjfgffkj. you are incredibly lovely and you have a special place in my heart even tho you hate cats which i still can’t believe oh my god

@rainbowsboa 1) where the fuck are you i miss you 2) i’ve never seen a blog with more posts than yours i swear i need hours to scroll through it. but bella you’re my sunshine and you always bring me happiness, i really enjoy talking to you and omg i just love you so much i’m sorry i’m crying

@bibi-harry becca i can’t even put into words how much you mean to me !!!!!! i appreciate it so much when you come to talk to me because you’re sad or feel alone. i’m really glad i can help because you’re too amazing and flawless to be sad ever. i just hope you’ll have the best 2018, i love you with my whole heart cupcake !!

@haryslytherin eleanor baby it feels like i’ve known you for ages, you’re such an incredible person even tho your blog is a mess aklsjkdh. i love talking to you, you’re a pure bean. please make more 1d edits in 2018 that’s a need for me !! your art is wonderful just as you :) also i hope in 2018 you won’t change your icon every day

@fireprooof le !!!! just as you said i can’t imagine my tumblr experience without you too (tbh that message made me cry i love you so much). you were one of my first larry mutuals actually and i’ll never forget how excited i was that day. and i was extremely happy when you messaged me and said you miss my likes !! that was iconique. your edits give me life, i’ve never seen anything more beautiful, i just want to make a whole sideblog to reblog everything you make.  hope you’ll have an amazing 2018, i love you endlessly :’)

@louieh ghadeer aka the most iconic fanfic writer i know ;);)));)) i know this had been a tough year for you but i hope 2018 will be much better !!! you deserve the best only, i love you so so much and appreciate you more than you could imagine. i wanna give you the world and the stars and the moon and everything pure in the universe !!!!! i just hope everything will be okay darling :)

@stylesappreciation flo even tho you forgot about me i’m still here like hachi bc i love you very much a lot. anyways !!! skldjdfbhdskl you’re one of the most iconic people i know and your edits make my heart melt, i cry every time you post something new. we don’t talk as much as we used to which is sad but that’s okay, i’d sill give you my liver and everything you want. hope 2018 will treat you well baby :) ( @nosuchblue take care of her !!! i love u too erin and wish you all the best in 2018)

@liamsgrammys and @blushlouie you just go together and i can’t tell you apart. we actually don’t talk but you two are the most iconic gays ever and i’m so glad to witness ur gay relationship and reblog ur gay selfies and cry my gay tears !!!! i hope 2018 will be amazing for you, i love you two so so much, this gay experience is very important for me

@rosesau syeda aka ome of the most popular binches ever. i’m shook that like everybody knows you??? wtf??? how you do that honestly. you’re truly iconique and i’m pretty sure you make everyone’s tumblr experience much better. your text posts are my favourite thing ever and i just love you so incredibly much !!!! have the best 2018 biatch

@honeyhaz jackie !!!! the most precious flower in the land, i adore you so much. i really really really love talking to you, you’re the loveliest person ever, i hope you’ll have a lot of friends in 2018 !! you deserve only pure things darling. you make my heart burst with love every time you appear on my dash and i would just like to clarify that i love you to the moon and back :’)

@iconichalo well your url just speaks for itself so !!! i only wanted to say that alex you’re really an amazing person and i’m hella glad that we met thanks to gorgeous people we both talk to. i hope in 2018 we’ll become closer because i really like you !!! wish you the best stuff in new year darling :)

@ann-fortunately maybe i’d love you more if you stopped exposing me !!!!! alsjddgdgdkdj nevermind i actually love you very much a lot, you’re a pure puppy and i just wish 2018 treats you really well. all the love my dear !!! (also pls make more edits)

@dreamsmp3 eden baby idk when you’ll see this but i just want you to know that it’s not the same without you here, you’re incredible and i hope you’re taking care of yourself !!!!! i’m still thinking about that post i made when i just saw you on my dash and i oliterally became so overwhelmed that wrote big ass paragraph about how much i love you on the verge of tears and tbh this is Mood. you make everything better and brighter and i just want to wish you the best things in 2018, you deserve the whole world my love :’)

@lwtrainbows gio !!!! i’m so happy that i’m friends with arsh’s soulmate aldjfhfgjn you are just wonderful !!! i hope you won’t ever be sad, you need to always smile and laugh because the world needs more of this. you are one of the purest people ever and i just want to wrap you in a big blanket and give you forehead kisses. i wish 2018 treats you well sunshine !!!!

@alwaysycu well rhian you’re just an angel (my-my-my-my only angeeeel) that deserves better, always better. you make my heart go ‘!!!!’ when we talk and you’re just so nice and sweet always. i hope you’ll never be sad in 2018, it just goes against nature tbh. you were created to spread love and light so i hope next year will be the happiest for you :) i love you very much a lot

@iamlouis oh damn sarah !!! (this is just The Mood always with you) you’re a popular bitch and i’m still wondering why we are mutuals because your cool ass is too cool for me. everything you do is iconic and i’m tired bc you’re too good and pure wtf !! but i wish you become iconicer in 2018 because why not we all deserve some glow up i lov u

@delicatelou pinja you’re the softest person i know !!!! like literally. everything about you and your blog is so aesthetic and beautiful and just perfect??? h o w. i’m friends with a literal angel what the heck !! hope 2018 treats you well, you deserve the best only my pure baby. i’ll love you til the end of time darling, you’re amazing :’)

@ftdtlouis @lesbianhoran @larriez @definegirlfriends i’m only mentioning you because you broke my heart to pieces !!! but it’s new year so i gotts forgive you so you could dissappoint me in 2018 with something new. ALSMJDHNDG JOKES I LOVE Y’ALL EVEN THO I WAS HELLA SCARED YESTERDAY i just want all my mutuals to be happy and fine. is that too much to ask?.. anyways i wish you all the best i hope the nest time this shit happens i won’t be online bye

@rainbowstyles sabine i wouldn’t ever forget about you !!! you’re the sweetest creature ever, so so pure and lovely that you melt my heart. you deserve lots of love and happiness and laugh in 2018 and always. i hope you won’t ever be sad even tho it’s impossible but you are meant to be a sunshine !! i love you so so much, please don’t forget that :)

@poshlouis and @louari you two are iconic bitches and i couldn’t love you more. amanda thank you for always being nice to me and aline ,,, just thank you. you are a dream team and i love seeing you two interact on my dash !!!! hope you’ll have the best 2018, i love you two very much a lot

i hope all of my amazing mutuals will have the best 2018, you darlings mean so so much to me, i love you with all my heart !

#can you believe i literally teared up at some point while making this???? #im so emo rn #i just love all of my wonderful friends i hope they love me back sometimes #all of you deserve a lot of sweet happiness in this year and in whole life #i couldnt be more proud and lucky and honoured to have all of you #thank you #just thank you #excuse me while im crying in the corner

[d3lighl4]

Im literally on the verge of tears remembering that im getting my iud taken out on friday like it was the fucking WORST getting it put in but when they take it out I imagine it'll be all the same procedure and maybe it'll b better bc my sister will be there but I am likely going to have a panic attack and flashbacks again and throw up and this fucking thing has been one of the worst decisions i ever fucking made everything may be worse without it but having it in is literally fucking killing me so I have to take it out but also remembering how badly it went last time is making me fucking shake and i hate this i hate this THIS? I hate it thanks bye

#personal #tmi kind of? whatever y'all signed up for this

[jichew]

episode 10 reaction

so this will be my first and last reaction to ygtb bc i felt like i needed to for the finale

also this won’t be too terribly long bc im starting 20 min into the ep

i mean like i started this ep already on the verge of tears so thats cool

bby seunghun is back :(((((

did u guys see how all the boys were so ecstatic they really fkn love their mom

also lmao yg trying to make jaehyuk a surprise wbk

i dont have much to say regarding the evaluation teams except for the fact that when they were calling out the rankings, they totally skipped 3rd place Park Jihoon?????

like what is ur fkn deal with my baby boy ＼＼\٩(๑`^´๑)۶//／／

BUT THAT HIT ME PERFORMANCE

LIKE MAN I ALREADY LOVED THAT SONG

I LOVE IT EVEN MORE NOW

choi hyunsuk is a god

also idk about u guys but gon’s rapping esp in this perf????? DELICIOUS

i highkey wish they would’ve showed suk grinding on bin but lmao ygtb editors are homophobic

atleast they showed haruto doing the fucking fortnite dance that kid is WHACK

WHEN THEY PANNED TO YEONGUE AND KEITA I SCREAMED

also all the parents crying while watching this lit performance is me

uhhh

idk if ive said this yet but i love choi hyunsuk

if yg does that fucking ugly laugh at gon one more time ima SMACK

DANCE TEAM IS SO POWERFUL FUCK

MASHI’S FLIPS HHHHNBG

pls dont get hurt :(

DID JUNGHWAN JUST SAY HE MIGHT GET HEMORRHOIDS

certified crackhead

KIM SEUNGHUN HOW DARE U CALL URSELF UGLY(● ˃̶͈̀ロ˂̶͈́)੭ꠥ⁾⁾

lmoa im rly gonna pee myself

WAIT THEY JUST TOTALLY SKIPPED JIHOON’S PART

fuk u

SEUNFHUN S ABS HHHHHAHAHAHAH

hahahahahsh

uwu team j hyping mashi

ok what the fuck

first of all i can tell that was cut way too much

but it was still so freaking good

dance team deserves better

THE ENDING

SO CLEVER

THEYRE SO TALENTED

AND WHO CHOREOGRAPHED THIS????

i mean like im certain all of them helped but,,,

shoutout to my main hoes kim doyoung and park jihoon

DOYOUNG IS SUCH A CUTIE WITH CURLY HAIRUWUWUWUWUW

whygee literally has nothing bad to say just debut them all u coward

nnnngggg watch me fkn cry during this vocal perf

lmao these boys thought they were so slick doing those u turns when choosing vocal dance or rap

((( @ yedam )))

jeongwoo more like jeonguwu

baby’s so flustered w yedam and junkyu

:((((

pls be confident this is making my heart hurt

YOIOO

not to be rude but,,,, junkyu’s neck veins

ALSO I LITERAKLY HAVE THE SAME WHITE JACKET AS YEDAM UWU

wait nvm

OFMG UWU JUNKYU AND YEDAM SMILING AT JEONGWOO LIKE PROUD DADS

DONT CRY

hhhhbbbbbn

Imnbchrhhbjnbnnngng

Zstotooooo

idk wanna talk anymore im cruing now

ok anyway im back to say i really fucking love all 28 trainees and yg sucks bye

OK IM BACK AGAIN TO SAY THAT THE VIDEO W THE PARENTS AT THE VERY END WAS THE MOST WHOLESOME THING AND ITS THE HARDEST IVE CRIED THIS WHOLE SHOW I WANT TO SLEEP

#this is really it isn't it #:(((((( #I've been listening to downpour by ioi on repeat since the ep ended #but it's just making me cry harder #fuck #yg #ygtb #yg treasure box #episode 10 reaction

[jess-oh]

Reflection

hey,

i feel mixed things. i went to the good friday service and a part of me is happy that it wasnt awkward and i wasnt the only one that decided to go but another part of me is sad that i didnt get to spend that one-on-one time with jason. but i am glad that eunice and angela were there too. during the service, i took notes diligently and after the practical time, i did my best to distance myself from everyone else so as to not feel judged or pressured. and it did go well for a while and i was good at not speaking until we got into the small chapel and started writing our new commitments. my heart did break when i saw the whip and crown of thorns and touched it and i cant even imagine the physical, mental, and emotional torment that Jesus went through leading up to His death. And I kind of wish I had spent more time there instead of moving faster so that other people wouldn’t have to wait. But after writing my commitments, I decided to pray on my knees and I was aware when people started leaving and I knew that the room was either totally or nearly empty by the time that I was done but I just felt like I really needed that time to be with God and confess what was on my heart. I know that I’ve been struggling with what it means to rest in Christ and that’s something that I’ve never been very good at and really trying to understand my value in God’s eyes. I think I am still struggling with my identity in God but I did carry out my commitment. I am a lot more proud and bold in my faith. I’ve been able to more openly talk about my faith in my dorm, on the first floor, at work, at the train station, anywhere. And I am really proud of myself and how far I’ve grown since last year. And initially, I wasn’t really in the mood to have fun and games and laugh and fellowship but i pushed myself to learn to receive and relax so i laughed alongside them. and i did actually have a good time. i got a lot closer with chelsea and angela, jason, chelsea, and i decided to eat kbbq together afterwards and it was really fun! joyce and jiham later joined us and we all talked in between conversations. and i accidentally slipped and said, “i dont drink anymore” when jason jokingly offered me some and everyone immediately exclaimed, “WHAT?” to me in disbelief. And to my surprise, Jason asked if I had a problem with it before but stopped and I confirmed his suspicions. But looking back on it, I’m kinda surprised he got that from what I said? It could just be that I drank a bit but decided not to anymore? But anyway, I was half expecting them to press further into it but they didn’t and I’m partly sad that I couldn’t share and relieved that I didn’t have to share. I think I could have but it did make me feel kind of bad when they reacted so strongly. But throughout the day, honestly, I was forcing myself to put on a smile and pretend that I was okay. And it didn’t seem like the mood or the moment to share my struggles and I really do thin I define myself by how much I serve and give bc it is such a huge part of my identity. And I think my intentions are usually pure but there is always a part me that needs to give in order to feel like I’m worth something. And that’s definitely something that I need to seriously pray about. I think a lot of the times, I wait until I’m at church to pray instead of just doing it when I need to and because of that, it feels fake sometimes at church. It feels like I don’t really mean what I’m saying. And I definitely do think I need to spend more time with God to get over it. I do want an honest and pure relationship with Him and I know a lot of the times, my feeling like I need to be a leader gets in the way of that. And I pretended like I was fine and kept saying that I was okay but I also couldn’t stop thinking about how I literally didn’t want to live anymore on Saturday. That was less than a week ago and I just felt like I was in so much pain and suffering and misery that I couldn’t take it anymore and I just wanted to die and kill myself so that I could be happy and with God and just be in pure joy and bliss. But I’m afraid if I say anything, P. Josh will think I’m not yet ready to serve and take MAST away from me and I would honestly be so upset because of that. It would feel like EIC and yearbook all over again. But, not becoming EIC gave me the opportunity to build a much more intimate relationship with God and come back to Him and maybe this is a sign that I shouldn’t be serving in MAST bc it’ll just stand in the way of me being able to rest and receive and learn who God is through that. 

Oh, I also saw Chaeweon earlier and we sat together and it was gr9. BUT, she left early and I didn’t have time to say bye! :( But we are still going to hangout tomorrow so I’m excited for that! 

And my suspicions were confirmed, Jason and Angela are going out! And I want to ask more about it but I think I am a little more understanding of their relationship now. On the one hand, I’m a bit upset just bc I don’t want it to be like my freshman year where everyone in leadership was dating each other and that just made a lot of people feel left out and uncomfortable. But I am happy for them and I hope they grow strong in their faith together. I think they both have their own issues and I think Angela could easily take advantage of Jason on accident just bc she’s so strong and he’s so kind. But they’re both my friends and I do really hope things work out.

My day today—

it was pretty good. honestly. i started my day by getting my dishes done and out of the way, chatted with Emily for a bit in the morning, and headed to school. I revised the pamphlet for A^2 with the updated fonts and printed my leaflet for graphic design. There, I ran into Andrew Shike and helped him out with cutting and checked items out for the both of us. And then I hurriedly tried to take pictures on the 10th floor but it was a STRUGGLE. And my pictures came out okay but I didn’t have enough time to take better pictures and upload them before work and the media lab closed when I got off my shift, soooo. I just decided to take my time to get good pictures for class and my portfolio tomorrow. i think i’ll try to do it after hanging out with chaeweon for lunch! hopefully we dont take too long. well, idk. i would love to chat for hours with her and it not be awkward but i also do have some work to do. i guess she can accompany me and then we can just spend the day together from there? but, we’ll just have to see how things turn out tomorrow.

and honestly, im in a constant state of being on the verge of tears. true joy is something that i have not felt in a while and i can feel myself getting numb and afraid and anxiety-ridden and im just upset bc i worked so hard to get away from that but i feel like im just reverting back into my old habits.

i drank at the beginning of the school year bc i wasn’t in a mentally good stable. im still not in a mentally good place, lol. but i am better. kind of. i just felt very alone and like i couldnt trust anyone last semester and i was the most concerned with my grandma’s health at the time bc it didnt look like she would be making it by the time i returned for winter break. and i sought refuge and mulan and dana. and bc they were there for me, i was desperate to be accepted and so, i started casually drinking with them. marlena too. she respected my choice to not drink before but the temptation was there and i went for it. and granted, i didnt drink a ton but i was definitely on my way to becoming an alcoholic. i drank nearly daily for two weeks and since then, there have been moments when i was tempted to just drink to avoid my problems and ease the pain. and thank goodness im not 21 yet or else i would’ve bought so many bottles already. it’s bc i dont have easy access that im still sober and not an alcoholic but looking at everything that im going through, sometimes i just want to give up and solve my problems by not thinking at all. 

i dont know if i feel alone bc i know that i have people around me that care about me. but i do feel like theres this wall thats dividing us and keeping me from really being raw and vulnerable and just facing my fears and anxieties and worries head on. and im wondering if the only way to get over this is to confess it to God. And while I think that will help in part, I do think I also just need to be okay with trusting others with my life and weaknesses and vulnerabilities and thriving in where I fail. Because none of us are perfect. I feel like before, people were jealous of me bc of how perfect I seemed. But now that I’ve let people see my weaknesses, I feel like they judge me and deem me unfit to lead and serve. But if this is how I can better develop my relationship with God, then why not do it, yknow? Idk. I’m just. conflicted. struggling. theres a lot on my plate and i just want to throw myself at my work so that i dont have to think about it.

#reflection