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emilywith3es · 4 years

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What to blog about?

I want this summer to be more than me moping in my basement hoping to find some new adventure. I have spent hours and hours hoping for something to fall into my lap, depression does that to a person. During the COVID-19 crisis I have been so lazy and unkept that I have no idea how to reinvent myself. Does anyone else feel like this?

At this very moment I should be writing a paper on Aristotle and his ethical boundaries and its relation to friendship, but honestly, I couldn’t think of anything worse to spend my time doing. I spent the entire day yesterday completing a project on a book I failed to read. I have to admit, I am piss-poor at doing my homework and studying in a timely fashion. Although I don’t show haste in completing my assignments, I have been able to keep my grades up this semester in all but one class, which I absolutely loathe. I won’t reveal my secret class because I don’t want to get a bad grade on my final because of it.

The difference from me from any other blogger, I don’t want to gain anything from this except for my own maturity and motivation. Motivation has been a huge issue as of late. I have been doing well in school, but I have dwindled in every other part of my life. I mean COVID-19 has given me a lot of reason to stay home and do nothing; I think that I should eventually get up and attend my own life. I am thinking of getting a pair of roller skates; they were my favorite activity when I was a child and I recently saw a gal on social media rocking them so I thought I might give them a try. I don’t want to give them a try just to regain my childhood memories, because no offence, my childhood is so messy that it is not even fond to think about. I want to try to roller skate again to reset my life, to give it meaning besides trying to finish college and having a wonderful boyfriend.

What would you blog about if you had the chance? Because sides of me wanted to make it about my sad childhood and my love life, or lack-thereof. Oh, that’s right, I told y’all already that I have an amazing boyfriend, welp, he is great, buuuuuut he’s my first boyfriend if you don’t count the numerous sex-tastrophes before him. He is the first person to care about me genuinely in my life except for one singular person, who will not be named. How else will I keep you guys intrigued by the details of my boring, yawn filled, regular life? For Pete’s sake, I want to buy roller skates to make my life more interesting.

I should be going to bed. I know I’m a night owl but even 3 AM running on 6 hours of sleep is still a recipe for tired. Thanks for reading, I know I am a lowlife nobody writing a bunch of gibberish that no one wants to hear. Anyway, toodles.

Love you all, even if you don’t love me back,

Emily with three ‘e’s

#dumbblog #hardlyinteresting #whatchaknowboutme

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littlebosseslb · 4 years

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Becoming a mommy has weirdly enough become natural for me. I thought it was going to be difficult, given my past decade of life hasn’t been exactly what you would even consider to have been mine, when first seeing or meeting me. Everyone is amazed at what I have been thru. What I have done. Whom I have grown from as well as whom I have become. It fucking blows my mind sometimes. Despite all of that shit, I love where I’m at now. I love ME. I fucking love my daughter and my pup-son more than anything in this entire world. I think i’m doing a pretty damn good job at being a mommy and a sober ex drug dealing/drug using/felon. Yeah. This should be pretty interesting.

I’m only blogging at this very moment because I want to get myself into the habit of giving myself some ME time. I mean, granted I kind of do that when I take a cigarette break throughout the day, but I’m always on my phone. Meme-trolling like a motherfucker. I love to write. I love to journal. Lately though, journal-ing has started to feel somewhat meaningless now. I’m a mommy 24/7 now. My baby girl is barely about to be 2 months old next week and like, when I sit down with my journal... I don’t want to just write and write and write because I’m already fucking exhausted and my hand definitely cant move as fast as my mind goes. I cant even keep up with myself most of the time. Fuck me. It’s going to be hard as fuck to ever get into another relationship. I barely have time for just me, which honestly does not bother me at all in any way, because my ME time has just become WE time for me and my baby. I can never get enough of her! I never thought that I would put the whole game down for anything or anyone. That’s all I saw myself stuck doing. I still dont know what the fuck I want to do with like the rest of my whole life... But one thing I’m fucking fosho fosho of, is that I want to forever be the best mommy I can be to her. She’s so perfect. Lemme stop and thank God right quick. Thank You, God. Because fr fr, I only stopped doing dope, stopped selling dope, and moved up outta the trap and the hood, just so I could start building a better life for her and becoming a better me so that she can always have everything she could ever want and need. It sounds hard as fuck. Well I know it fucking did for me at first! Something inside of me just knew that it was what needed to be done. There was no way around it. No alternatives. I had to just fucking stop and change my direction in life, if I truly wanted to be able to maintain my freedom, keep her and forever be her one and only mommy.

I’ve been talking to this dude tho, right... and like, at first I was all gaga over this nigga. He honestly is the most incredible and perfect-for-me kinda nigga that I have ever started vibin’ with this deep. It’s fucked up to say this, but it hasn’t been 3 months yet and I’m already just kind of over it. I’m a Gemini and for me, if I get turned off by one small thing that you do, then I’m just like over it and ready to shrug it off for good. I’ve got too much on my shoulders rn and I’m not ready to give attention and time to any other mothafucka besides my family here at home, my pup-son (yes, my mfkn dog), and MY DAUGHTER. I feel bad because the dude is locked up. I’ve known him for some years, but we recently linked back up before he went to jail... then I had my daughter, then I started writing him, then he started calling me everyday. It was cute and shit and honestly, like I said he truly is the type of nigga I feel is perfect for me... buuuuuut, like I said, some shit just rubbed me the wrong way and I’m already like just fucking over it. It honestly doesn’t phase me, which I feel like I SHOULD feel fucked up about #thatpart ... but I don’t. I feel bad that when this all falls down, it’s gonna hurt him more than it will bother me. Is that wrong of me? I mean, I said what I said, I felt what I felt, I’m even the one that pursued him first... but now I’m just like, meh, I don’t want to put all that extra effort into it anymore. I’ve got so much other stress and priorities on my back rn. All of it was just moving too fucking fast and like, the nigga still in jail rn and wont be out for another two months, ya feel me, so like, I’m not sorry that I feel like this. I’m not being a bitch in any way and like I give a fuck about the nigga. I give alot of fucks about the nigga. Got nothin’ but mad love for him, buuuuut, commitment to a nigga is NOT on my list of priorities at all. Period. #sorrynotsorry I’m ready to get back on my feet, after this damn virus paused all of life for a few months. Ya feel me? I want to be an independent, single, mommy. I see me and my baby having our own shit, by ourselves. Not with no man in the picture. Period.

Thats whats crazy too, he already LOVES my daughter like he loves his own and he’s never even met her. He says I’m the most perfect girl he’s ever vibed with and said he loves. Like, this nigga is being so deep with me and I’m not being cocky in any way, but I’m a good, loyal, down-ass female to be with. If you can catch me long enough to get me to commit, long-term. I’m not tired of it because of another person catching my attention or anything. It’s been heavy on my mind and like the main source of all of my anxiety and frustration and nausea for the past week, because I’m like, what the fuck. What if I never find another nigga like him? Like this dude tells me shit that no man has ever genuinely said to me before. This dude is gangsta and thugged the fuck out, but still trying to come up and live the right way as opposed to how we used to live. Reckless shit. No fucks to give, type shit. He wants to take care of me and my daughter (AND my pup). He believes that it is now his responsibility upon his release from incarceration, to protect and provide for me and my little bundle package that I come with. It’s crazy as fuck to me. I grew up seeing my mother do it ALL on her own. Working crazy af. Single. Raising not just me, but my 2 other siblings. She is the reason why I don’t want a man to just “take care” of me. FUCK THAT. I can take care of myself thank you.

People annoy the fuck out of me.

Well, I tweeted about starting my new blog earlier and I’m like, “Idgaf if nobody reads it. ... If people read it, then people read it. I honestly was going to just leave a small post at first, like... “hey, my first post on my new blog. Dope.” then leave it the fuck at that.... guess that shit went out of the window.

I don’t really know what I’m doing...

Just some shit coming outta the mental of a Little Boss.

#mommy newmom babygirl fuckanigga boss littleboss miniboss insomniac newpost firstpost ranting journaling journal #ranting #mommy #newmom #journal #journaling #insomniac #miniboss #littleboss #mini rant #babygirl #fuckanigga #boss #newpost #first post #thatpart #dope #sorry not sorry

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coralsgrimes · 2 years

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what would be your fav role for bb? I would love a role where his beauty would be "taken away" from him and it's all about the character but without the attributes hot or sexy. Like not a lame romcom, a role where he has to convince with something completely diff. but his handsome face, is it too much to ask?? at the mom there are so many films and series that are so interesting, ok not all of them are blockbusters, but does it always have to be? is it too much to askfor?why is he doing nothing?

Hun, this is actually such a good question like

At this point Benny was typecasted so much (attractive guy, tragic past, sad puppy eyes) that I can't imagine him doing anything else.

Also like, when I'm watching me fave shows over and over and sometimes I start to wonder who could Benny be, either as a new character or playing already existing role. And ye know what? Again, I can't see him anywhere :c

My only wish is for Benny to be on screen witch Michaela Jae but that's purely for ma viewing pleasure x.x I probably already told ye that before lol

What I'd like more... Benny in Succession! I know (and everyone else...) what type of character would he play but fucking AGAIN, his repertoire so modest that I can't think of anything else :c beside that I would love him in a thriller, comedy drama or very fucking dark comedy. Benny working with Alex Garland would be cool as fuck too, plus with that comes the possibility of Benny working with Oscar Isaac. Which means more viewing pleasure and probably existential crisis cuz Garland after all x.x can't tell ye about a characters I'd love him to be in detail cuz imma not as creative x.x also imma not the biggest fan of word for word book adaptations so don't have ma type here either x.x buuuuuut if anyone ever decides to make another attempt at Camus' Plague (yes I love the book since I had to read it in school alright, no need to point fingers at me)... Like back in the day I would never suggest it and I know he is getting too old for the part now, but Tarrou? PLUS the whole bad dad me not like and dies at the end? at least he would be consistent with his current acting jobs track record lol

Anyways! Time for Coral rant!

Like I talked about it so many times before, but boy deff wants things he cannot have. He keeps talking that he wanna to be closer to the fam, then why not to move to the UK, get himself a lil play going (cuz that’s how he actually started right) and maybe catch some good BBC drama. They do come up with good ones from time to time lol but ye have too read through the scripts and get the deets, so not to end up with Gold Digger up yer arse... again x.x And then maybe some European co-production? Nothing crazy, not even main part. Just ye know to get his ass, and name, out there or be within the cast of a film at Berlinale. Which back to yer questions, I'd like him to do lol

What Benny does instead is he waits for a big project to come his way so he can be on a big ass poster, his own words. To be the hot shite (we did talk about it before too lol, his privacy obsession ain’t adding up here...) Cuz ye know, that’s how Disney prince does. And right now after being in productions more/less made towards the more mature audience, serious shite so to speak, boy got himself the final shadow nail in the coffin. Gained adoring fans tho, and spend his Bone Me money on music dream that nobody even remembers x.x

So I don’t know what’s in his head, I don’t know what is going behind the scenes and finally, Imma no expert on anything. What me thinks is that boy still wanna his Hollyweird dream and he more stubborn and delusional than some of his fan circles (and me probably lol), OR there is less money to be made in the back home route I just invented up there, and that’s not sitting well with him. Which brings us back to the staying in Hollyweird point actually. THO ME AIN’T SEEING ANYONE HIRING HIM FOR ANYTHING RIGHT NOW LIKE!!!!??!

For now I'd love for Benny to have any project in the works :c like literally would take anything xd

I mean I’d hate to be right 🙊 but I really can’t see stellar future for that show ;c but netflix does as netflix wants so anything can happen ;c

#ye can clearly tell ma taste here lol

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dorothydelgadillo · 6 years

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The F Word: Nevertheless, She Parented

Welcome to The F Word, where we, Skillcrush staffers Lauren Lang and special guest Maren Vernon, discuss issues that impact all of us—both in and out of the workplace. We know that, for us, coming to understand the f-word (in this case, feminism), and how important it is in the scope of our lives, didn’t happen overnight. We hope you’ll join us once a month as we meet to discuss power, identity, and the changes we want to see in the world.

Lauren: Maren, welcome to the F-Word! It’s so great to be with you today chatting about the joys of feminist parenting—and specifically, motherhood.

Maren: Thanks, Lauren! I have my cup of coffee in hand. I’ve taken a deep breath. And I’m ready to jump in.

Lauren: With three kids (all girls) between us, you and I have some insight into what being a mom is really like. And man, it’s tough. I’m constantly running interference against mean kids at school, media messaging that disrespects women in any number of ways, and the little microaggressions that fly under the radar and become tiny, but growing, insecurities in my daughter’s spirit.

On the heels of Oprah’s AMAZING Golden Globes speech where she envisions a “new day on the horizon” where “nobody ever has to say ‘me too’ again,” this is the future parents also aspire to. But it can seem like an insurmountable task to shield our kids from the reality of the world in 2018. Where do we start?

Maren: I’m starting to think I should have brought wine to calm my nerves when I think of everything they are facing… But Oprah’s speech!

My gals are still young and just starting in school but my kids are not only girls but girls of color, and finding the line between preparing them and not scaring them is something my husband and I talk about a lot. I can tell you that an early way I’m trying to raise them to feel they can do anything and ignore the haters is through stories and good role modeling.

I used to work in publishing, so books will always be important in my house. I like to look for picture books—since that is the stage we are in—with strong, and ideally diverse, female characters using their smarts and creativity to problem solve, lead, or demonstrate kindness. I could name books all day but Pocket Full of Colors (about Mary Blair), Drum Dream Girl;I Am Truly; She Persisted; Ada Twist, Scientist; and Rosie Revere, Engineer spring to mind as particularly great examples.

Of course my struggle is that I want them to feel independent and in control of the course their life takes, buuuuuut I also need them to listen when I say, “Come on, dude, that is not a great idea.” So we find ways to negotiate and I let them take the lead when appropriate. Just yesterday my oldest snuck business cards out of my office to give to friends so they could get their moms to schedule playdates with me. I caught her with the cards as she headed into school, but I appreciated her pluck and determination and I let her move forward with her plan. How have you started introducing The F Word in your household?

Lauren: Okay, business cards? Genius.

I wholeheartedly agree with you about choosing media with strong depictions of women. My daughter loves the Rebel Girls book series, which features small vignettes and beautiful illustrations of notable women and girls throughout history who have exhibited strength and determination (including the women featured in Hidden Figures, which she loved). We talk openly about these women’s struggles and the discrimination they’ve worked to overcome—based on gender, yes, but also race or ethnicity or religion or age or ability or sexual orientation. These books have been a great resource both for empowering my daughter and also spurring deep discussions about her own privilege.

So media is important… BUT I agree that the best opportunity to introduce feminism—both to girls and to boys—is to teach the concept by example and model what feminism looks like. It looks like empowering and respecting our children, expecting them to respect others, and empowering them to speak up when they feel unsafe. It looks like mothers who have agency and confidence and it looks like fathers who understand consent and who listen. It looks like the world that Her Majesty Queen Oprah says that we want for our children.

And it benefits us as mothers to find what that looks like too, because SOCIETY HAS NOT GOTTEN THE MEMO. There is so much pressure on mothers to do everything right and to have perfectly behaved and brilliant children at all times, and to never, ever lose our patience. And so, feminist motherhood is just as much about how we as women consciously choose to construct ourselves as parents, by bucking those impossible standards and finding what works for us. Maren, there are so, so many ways to “fail” as a mother, to the extent that—SPOILER ALERT!—there is literally no way to “succeed.” So let’s get specific: What criticism do you face about your role as a parent?

Maren: I find external criticism most often comes in comments along the lines of, “Working and mothering and side hustles… You should give yourself a break. You are trying to do too much.” The implication is: You should focus more on being a mother.

Usually the things I love to do—that make me feel fulfilled outside of being a parent—are the first things I’m expected to cut out. Then that just leaves me grumpy and resentful. Does that make me a better parent? No.

I need the side hustle or the part-time job that keeps me intellectually curious. I have fun doing art projects with my kids or exploring the science museum, but I also need challenges and positive stress and to learn new things. (Let me take a moment to acknowledge my privilege that I even have some choices to make, and also to say that just like I don’t want to be judged for my choice, I’m not going to judge another’s path. I’m just acknowledging that wouldn’t be living as my authentic self.)

I started learning to code (with Skillcrush!) when my first was about a year old. I’d suffered from some postpartum depression and was generally feeling down about my abilities and intellect because parenting was a lot harder than I expected, and despite all the reading and prep, I didn’t feel like some things came as easy to me (and social media was NOT helping). I’m not lying when I say that learning to code gave me my confidence back. Maybe my kid didn’t sleep through the night last night and refused to eat the ten different foods I prepared but, hey! I got that image to float beside some text! I am good at something! It was the outlet and challenge I needed to get my mojo back. And you know what? When I felt better about myself, I know I became a mom who was more fun to be around. Losing your identity is no joke.

What criticisms have you faced as a parent, Lauren, and how have you dealt with it?

Lauren: There is SO much here that resonates with my experience, particularly in the idea that I have a right to make a choice to be a multidimensional human being whose existence is not fulfilled entirely by my child—and the notion that this choice is actually a positive thing for her to witness. THE HORROR: a mother who is also a person with interests and talents and—gasp—ambitions!

If I reveal myself to be stressed or anxious about ANYTHING in my life, you’re right—I receive unsolicited advice that the first thing to go should be what makes me happy. The message is clear: My career is a luxury, and any mission I value outside of motherhood is somehow deeply unfair to my daughter—even when, ironically, that mission is to create a world in which she is empowered and free.

So how have I dealt with it? I keep doing what brings me deep satisfaction. I try to tune out the noise and follow my true north. And in doing so, I show my child the best possible person I can be. I try my best, and sometimes I’m a shitty mom. (And sometimes I’m a shitty employee and sometimes I’m a shitty spouse and sometimes I’m shitty at keeping my shit together.) But I think I’m okay with that. Perfection is for Beyonce, and she has help. And speaking of support, what roles do you think male partners have in all this? Heterosexual coupling puts vastly differently expectations for how mothers and fathers interact with their children: a mom who takes her kid to the park is like the default while the dad who does the same is OMG THE BEST DAD EVER. Or a dad who slightly raises his voice to his kids is giving some “tough love” while a mom who does the same is a horrible person who should have her kids taken away. What do we take from this double standard?

Maren: I’m incredibly lucky to have a husband doesn’t expect me to fall in lockstep with gender roles, but at the moment he is the primary breadwinner and I am the lead parent. So by default I am expected to know what is going on with their schools and their friends and to volunteer for all the things and get the laundry done and have food in the house. And those efforts feel rarely acknowledged.

But just because I am the lead parent doesn’t change the fact that sometimes I want to spend an hour coding, rather than at the park with my children. And the fact that, when I think about doing something for me or for my career, I almost immediately consider it to be selfish—is problematic. I’m criticizing myself before anyone else has the chance to.

Lauren: YES. I think a lot of it comes down to the concept of “emotional labor,” right? This idea that women have to shoulder so much of the unseen knowledge and work to keep everything running smoothly—and a lot of that is learned behavior.

One way I’ve experimented with lessening the burden of all there is to do is just by…dropping some of it. (#badmomconfessions)

I’ve stopped monitoring whether there’s milk in the fridge or whether library books are in the backpack on library day at school. Practicing personal responsibility should come at an early age…and picking up a young able-bodied person’s dishes and transporting them to the dishwasher for her? Or picking out the perfect birthday gift for my husband’s mother, when he’s known her 20 years longer than I have? Nope! Ain’t nobody got time for that.

And it’s not that I would never do any of these things—I often have. I love my family. But it’s been a long unwinding of the expectation that I will, just because my ovaries make it so.

Maren: Are we long lost twins?! My anal-retentive nature will probably never let me forget how much toilet paper is in the house at any given time, but the house chores are gender neutral and everyone can pitch in in some way shape or form, big or little. Don’t like the chore I’ve offered you? Pitch me a compromise! My husband and I definitely do that. Never too early to practice those job skills, right?

Lauren: HA! Totally. Okay, Maren, last question! And this is a fun one. :) What is, to you, the absolute best part of being a parent? What did you never anticipate about having these little people in your life that has been delightful and surprising? For me, it’s been experiencing my daughter’s wicked sense of humor, which grows sharper and drier by the day. She’s only seven, and I can’t believe what she comes up with as it is—not to mention in 20 years when she has her own HBO stand-up special.

Maren: I love that! I think what has been fun for me is seeing the things they create out of seemingly nothing. It really is true that some buttons and a cardboard tube and some pencils and a mismatched sock can suddenly entertain them for an hour and is ten times more fun than anything I’d buy. I really just need to step back and get out of their way and let them have agency over the project (that includes letting them sort out their differences because I can’t always be there to fight their battles). It is so fascinating to watch how their minds work, and I’m often inspired by new ideas or challenged by them to step outside my comfort zone.

from Web Developers World https://skillcrush.com/2018/01/17/feminist-parenting-working-moms/

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